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1
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Robot chicken 26
>> ha ha ha!
2
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:18,084
[captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group]
3
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:27,627
>> it's alive!
4
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:34,000
>> ha ha ha!
5
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:38,338
Ha ha ha!
6
00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:40,640
>> man, greg is really
Pissin' me off.
7
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:41,641
>> big greg or little greg?
8
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:42,809
>> little greg in accounting.
9
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,277
>> yeah, he's a prick.
10
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:45,979
>> to 25 years of marriage.
11
00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:47,480
>> to evil!
12
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:51,151
>> to 30 days of sobriety.
13
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,086
Oh, crap.
14
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:54,487
>> ♪ when you wake up
In the morning
15
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:55,989
What's the first thing
That you see?
16
00:00:56,055 --> 00:01:00,593
It's your morning wood
Morning wood ♪
17
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,096
>> well, hello, morning wood!
18
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:06,800
[knock on door]
[snores]
19
00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:09,502
>> billy, were you playing with
Your morning wood?
20
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:10,370
>> no.
21
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:11,838
>> no need to be embarrassed,
Honey.
22
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,673
Your dad has morning wood, too.
23
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,375
>> ♪ look around your
Neighborhood
24
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:18,178
Everybody has
Morning wood ♪
25
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:21,314
>> hello, I'm bruce campbell,
And I can't start my day without
26
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:23,316
Waxing my morning wood.
27
00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:24,184
>> morning wood.
28
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,920
From the makers of slow dance
Chubby.
29
00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:29,923
>> if bill gates offered you
A billion dollars to be his
30
00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:32,192
Ass slave for a year,
Would you do it?
31
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:33,526
>> no way!
32
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:34,327
Never.
33
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:35,328
>> ass slave?
34
00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:36,362
Are you kidding me?
35
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:37,197
>> ok.
36
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:40,366
Mike, how much would it take--
[burps]
37
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,036
For someone to run over
Your nuts?
38
00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:44,704
>> uh...
39
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:45,872
2 million dollars.
40
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,240
>> done!
41
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:49,876
>> ha, now, I'm gonna get
The money, promise?
42
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,211
>> [laughing]
>> of course, dude.
43
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:55,215
You rule.
44
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:58,718
>> ah--
Aah--it's heavier than
45
00:01:58,785 --> 00:01:59,719
I thought!
46
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:04,123
>> [laughing]
>> I can do a nut transplant,
47
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:06,926
But it'll cost exactly 2 million
Dollars.
48
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:07,961
>> oh, man.
49
00:02:08,026 --> 00:02:08,761
>> plus tax.
50
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,396
>> oh, man!
51
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:11,764
>> welcome home, dude.
52
00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:14,567
You're a legend to us, hombre,
But everyone else thinks
53
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:15,835
You're nuts.
54
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:16,736
Nuts!
55
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:17,737
Get it?
56
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,373
It took me a month to come up
With that.
57
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:30,416
>> [snores]
Oh, my god!
58
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:40,192
>> [snores]
Oh, my god!
59
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,695
Damn it, doctor, what did you
Do to me?
60
00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:45,365
>> I'm sorry, mike, all we had
To transplant were the nuts
61
00:02:45,430 --> 00:02:47,000
Of a serial killer.
62
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:49,402
>> no!
63
00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:53,106
>> "Idle nuts," starring
Jessica alba.
64
00:02:53,172 --> 00:02:54,707
>> you know, I'd want to attack
You with my nuts even if they
65
00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:55,909
Weren't possessed.
66
00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:57,610
>> uh...Thanks?
67
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:58,611
Aah!
68
00:02:58,678 --> 00:02:59,946
>> "Idle nuts."
69
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,614
Also starring seth green.
70
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:02,549
>> woo!
71
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,784
I'm a pot smokin' corpse,
Bottle in my head,
72
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:05,985
Boo, hoo, hoo!
73
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:09,789
>> gotta stop the madness!
74
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,458
Aah!
75
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:17,797
[ding]
Aah!
76
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:18,998
>> hi, I'm bill gates.
77
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,200
I heard you take insane bets
And wondered if you'd be my
78
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:22,969
Ass slave for a billion dollars?
79
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:27,807
>> [sighs]
I'll get my coat.
80
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:32,978
>> they said it could never
Happen, but they were wrong.
81
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:33,980
>> aah!
82
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,817
>> "Attack of the giant midget!"
Shiver with fear
83
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,153
As the abomination runs amok.
84
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:42,655
>> giant midget--run!
85
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,824
>> aah!
86
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,492
Aah!
87
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:50,329
>> tremble with terror when
The creature cannot be stopped.
88
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,332
>> aah!
89
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:56,168
Aah!
90
00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:58,137
Aah!
91
00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:01,841
Raa!
92
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,509
Raa!
93
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:06,679
>> witness the beast devouring
Everything in his path.
94
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:11,851
>> [yelling]
>> nothing is beyond
95
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,687
His reach...
96
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,522
Not even you.
97
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,856
Think you can run?
98
00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:19,192
Think you can hide?
99
00:04:19,257 --> 00:04:20,827
Think again.
100
00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:26,532
>> [yells]
>> "Attack of the giant midget!"
101
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:27,367
>> ow!
102
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:28,968
>> yes, a mermaid!
103
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:29,702
>> this hook hurts.
104
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:30,870
>> ooh, now give me my 3 wishes.
105
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,872
>> what the hell are you
Talking about?
106
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,341
There's a hook in my face!
107
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:38,044
>> you mean mermaids
Don't grant wishes?
108
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,413
>> that's genies, you ass.
109
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:41,714
>> oh, man.
110
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:48,221
I've wasted the last 20 years
Of my life.
111
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:52,058
>> however, I happen to be
A genie who only looks like
112
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,893
A mermaid.
113
00:04:53,960 --> 00:05:05,905
>> what a twist.
114
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,908
>> ooh, I'm bruce wayne.
115
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,244
Meh, na na na na.
116
00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:11,911
Heh.
117
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:19,585
[sighs]
Huh.
118
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:20,453
Whoa!
119
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:30,763
Aah!
120
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,765
Aah!
121
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:36,102
Oh, my knee!
122
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,437
Aah!
123
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:51,117
[screaming]
>> whew.
124
00:05:51,183 --> 00:05:53,286
I'm so bored, falkor.
125
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:54,954
Is anything going on tonight?
126
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,790
>> oh, nothing, atreyu.
127
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:58,624
Nothing.
128
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,193
>> what's bastian up to?
129
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:02,395
>> "And then the boy took
A big crap."
130
00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:05,131
Hey, I'm taking a big crap.
131
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,799
Wow!
132
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,801
>> everyone in fantasia's doing
Nothing.
133
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,303
>> [yawns]
>> it's like we've been hit
134
00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:12,004
By a nothing storm!
135
00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:22,982
I think it's time for
A neverending party!
136
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:28,488
>> ♪ friday night
Boring as can be ♪
137
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:31,157
>> woo, hoo!
138
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:39,165
>> ♪ buy some booze
Every cheap 40
139
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,502
Call up all the crazy-- ♪
>> mm, those look like big,
140
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,170
Strong hands.
141
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,438
>> don't they?
142
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:46,839
>> can you open this for me?
143
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,508
Ah, ha ha ha!
144
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:49,909
Spray it all over me!
145
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:53,346
Ah, ha ha ha!
146
00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:57,183
>> we are so...
147
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,352
Wasted.
148
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:01,354
>> say my name, bastian.
149
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:03,923
Say my name!
150
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:13,199
>> [yelling indistinctly]
>> this party is ending
151
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,002
Right now!
152
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,037
>> west side.
153
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:28,214
>> ♪ neverending party
Oh, oh, oh ♪
154
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,549
>> good evening, omaha.
155
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,217
And oma how are ya?
156
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,552
It's flu season.
157
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:34,387
Ross hathaway has the story.
158
00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:36,889
>> flu season means trips to
The pharmacy, missed work,
159
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,525
And kids coming home with crusty
Shirt sleeves.
160
00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:42,595
But surprisingly, giant robots
Are the hardest hit.
161
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:44,530
>> the mighty morphin power
Rangers offer great health
162
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:49,902
Insurance, but even a ranger can
Get the flu and call in sick.
163
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:53,739
Ah, being a zord down really
Leaves the rangers in a bad way.
164
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:56,642
>> also effected was voltron.
165
00:07:56,709 --> 00:08:01,848
And the menacing devastator.
166
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:04,417
>> we now take you to our
Eye in the sky for today's
167
00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:05,952
Live car chase.
168
00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:08,955
>> officers are in pursuit of
A white sports car which failed
169
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:11,591
To yield for a routine traffic
Stop.
170
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:12,692
Good lord!
171
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:15,094
The sports car now appears
To be on fire!
172
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,263
No, it's a smoke screen!
173
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,030
Whoa!
174
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,765
I've never seen anything
Like this.
175
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,767
>> more later as the story
Develops.
176
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:25,004
Now, shocking amateur news
Footage acquired by this program
177
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:26,839
So that we may shock you
With it.
178
00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:27,607
>> give me that!
179
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:28,274
>> no!
180
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,442
Help, police!
181
00:08:29,508 --> 00:08:32,778
>> there's no need to fear,
Uh--underdog is here!
182
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,114
>> holy [bleep] Balls!
183
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,283
You're a talkin' dog!
184
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,116
>> a talking dog?
185
00:08:38,183 --> 00:08:38,784
Really?
186
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,453
>> great ass [bleep] Moses!
187
00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:41,287
>> can you speak?
188
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,755
Can you say something, doggie?
189
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:45,958
[sirens]
>> uh, ok.
190
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:49,395
Uh, th--there's no need--
>> he talks!
191
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:50,963
He really talks!
192
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:54,800
>> a [bleep] Talking dog!
193
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,135
>> that's it--
>> holy--
194
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:56,802
>> the dog can fly!
195
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,237
>> and it flies!
196
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:00,473
>> and now, the weather,
With chief meteorologist
197
00:09:00,539 --> 00:09:01,674
Paris hilton.
198
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:02,508
>> it's hot.
199
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:04,310
>> my ear is saying something
To me.
200
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,946
There's new developments in that
Freeway police chase.
201
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:09,482
>> the sports car is now
Tailgating a semi truck.
202
00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:12,485
Holy--he's apparently got
Himself an accomplice,
203
00:09:12,551 --> 00:09:14,487
But wait a minute, there he is.
204
00:09:14,553 --> 00:09:18,658
He's back on the road.
205
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,159
Oh, my god!
206
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,162
He just destroyed that
Helicopter with some sort of
207
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,031
Ground to air missile!
208
00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:27,233
>> apparently that was
The traffic helicopter from our
209
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,935
Associates at channel 5.
210
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:31,938
Our hearts go out to their
Entire news team.
211
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:35,007
Once loveable, the shirt tales
Are causing controversy at
212
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,643
The local zoo with their
New t-shirts.
213
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,812
>> look, man, you can't reach
The kids these days with crap
214
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:41,847
T-shirt slogans like "Hug me."
215
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:42,982
>> yeah!
216
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,985
>> if it grows in the ground,
It was meant for me.
217
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:47,453
>> that's right, sweetheart.
218
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,587
>> what can I do?
219
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,856
Every time I chase them,
The shirt tales take off in that
220
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,692
[bleep] Flying car of theirs.
221
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,360
Son of a bitch.
222
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,529
>> I'm just getting word that
Police are closing in on
223
00:09:56,595 --> 00:09:58,230
The killer sports car.
224
00:09:58,297 --> 00:10:00,933
>> why don't motorists realize
They just can't outrun
225
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,568
The police?
226
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:06,072
Unless they have a speedboat,
Like the one he's taking off in
227
00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:07,273
Right now!
228
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,041
>> ladies and gentlemen,
We're getting word of panic
229
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,109
Throughout the city.
230
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:12,511
We turn to our internet expert
For more.
231
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:14,947
>> a new worm is deleting
Not only the porn on people's
232
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:19,018
Hard drives, but all the porn
On the internet entirely.
233
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:21,554
>> we're now seeing live footage
From downtown boston, where
234
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:24,423
Social order has completely
Broken down.
235
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:26,225
>> I--I was only halfway done.
236
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,462
[sobs]
Halfway done!
237
00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:31,230
>> we now take you to
The white house where
238
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,332
A press conference is underway.
239
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:35,067
>> my fellow americans,
I give you my word that
240
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:38,738
The united states of america
Will find, capture, and punish
241
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,073
Those responsible for this great
National tragedy.
242
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,576
And if the perpetrators are
Listenin', I have only this
243
00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:44,577
To say.
244
00:10:44,643 --> 00:10:45,911
It's not funny, man.
245
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,414
Give us back our porn.
246
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,584
[captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group]
247
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,753
[captioned by the national
Captioning institute
248
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:54,820
--www.Ncicap.Org--]
>> stupid monkey.
16803
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