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1
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:07,340
[thunder]
2
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,343
[drill whirring]
3
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,279
[electric saw buzzing]
4
00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:19,986
- it's alive!
5
00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:29,996
[thunder]
6
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:34,701
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
7
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:44,411
- [growling]
- [gasping]
8
00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:45,845
- ah-ah--
9
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:46,913
[gunshot]
10
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,883
- the makers of "Grand larceny
San diego" are back
11
00:00:49,949 --> 00:00:52,018
With the ultimate
Street experience.
12
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:54,354
Over 40 hours of
Original game play
13
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:58,324
From the authority in
Balls-to-the-wall action!
14
00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,893
Shoot your parents!
15
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:02,195
Urinate on the homeless!
16
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:03,096
Kick a puppy!
17
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,832
Play head-to-head or online!
18
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:11,371
Make sweet, sweet love
To your hot cousin
19
00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:14,374
Or your hot cousin's
Mentally disabled friend!
20
00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:17,744
Take out your aggression
The old-fashioned way,
21
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,045
With a motor vehicle!
22
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,080
Extra points for
Family members!
23
00:01:21,146 --> 00:01:25,785
Unlock expert modes
And characters like bam margera.
24
00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:27,987
Rated "E" for everyone.
25
00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:29,556
[rap music playing]
26
00:01:29,622 --> 00:01:31,090
[turns off music]
- that was berry rude.
27
00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,293
Berry, berry, berry rude
To touch my radio.
28
00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:35,428
Do you understand the words
That are coming out of my mouth?
29
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,864
- bitch, don't nobody understand
The words that are
30
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,265
Coming out of your mouth.
31
00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:42,068
[dance music playing]
32
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:45,538
- you watch one of the tapes,
33
00:01:45,604 --> 00:01:48,241
And if you like the girl,
We'll arrange a meeting.
34
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:50,310
- so I can pick any tape.
35
00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:53,045
- any tape.
Good luck, homey.
36
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:03,356
- [gasps]
37
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:06,759
Aah!
38
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,364
Ohh!
39
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,134
Aah!
40
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,805
- I like trees
And dolls and ponies,
41
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:19,906
If they don't
Keep me up at night,
42
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,476
Long walks by the cliffs,
And nice catholic men.
43
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,945
Hope to meet you soon.
44
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:28,448
- I think I just
[bleep] Out my heart.
45
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:30,216
[breathing heavily]
46
00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:32,852
I wonder if she puts out.
47
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,722
- you know, um,
When a butterfly,
48
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:36,956
Like, when he flaps his wings,
49
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:40,192
That has a huge effect
All the way around the world.
50
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,929
Like, in, um, japan and stuff.
51
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,930
- really? Uhh!
52
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,534
[rumbling]
53
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:51,603
- uhh!
54
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:57,744
- [shouting indistinctly] Aah!
55
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,252
- [roaring]
56
00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:10,156
- blow out the candles, grandma!
57
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:11,090
Grandma?
- mom?
58
00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:13,560
- [gasps]
- oh, no, mom.
59
00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:17,430
- wait, wait, wait for me.
What'd I miss?
60
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:21,100
- ahh. I really needed this.
61
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:23,603
- you are finish now, mr. Joe.
62
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:25,371
You want happy ending?
63
00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:27,473
- uh, what?
Oh, no, no.
64
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,942
Um, I'm not into that.
65
00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:29,976
- oh, yeah-yeah-yeah.
66
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,377
Very good happy ending.
67
00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:33,913
- no, no, really.
That's ok.
68
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,114
No, hey, no--
- happy ending.
69
00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:37,550
- hey, hey--hey,
Get away from me.
70
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:38,451
- happy ending!
71
00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:39,619
- s-somebody help me.
72
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,454
- happy ending!
73
00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,823
Yes, happy ending!
74
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:46,159
Happy ending!
75
00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:47,961
Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah.
76
00:03:48,027 --> 00:03:49,996
- officer, y-you gotta help me!
77
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,164
- what's going on here?
78
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:54,334
- ay!
- happy ending!
79
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,638
- oh, no!
80
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,206
- get out of my room!
81
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:01,374
- sorry. Excuse me.
82
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:03,176
Sorry.
- I'm not dressed.
83
00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:04,177
- sorry! Watch out.
84
00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:06,613
- happy ending!
- coming through!
- ...Ending!
85
00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:08,581
- out of my way!
- happy ending!
86
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,617
- aah! Aah! Aah!
Whoa!
87
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:13,453
Uhh! Aah! Uhh! Uhh!
Aah! Aah!
88
00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:17,255
- happy ending! Happy ending!
Happy ending! Happy ending!
89
00:04:17,322 --> 00:04:19,792
Happy ending!
90
00:04:19,858 --> 00:04:21,427
- aah! No!
91
00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:26,065
- with massage,
You get the egg roll.
Happy ending!
92
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:32,338
[munch]
- mmm. It's good.
93
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:35,675
[crowd cheering]
94
00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:37,810
[crowd cheering louder]
95
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:40,079
[crowd cheering louder]
96
00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:41,714
[crowd cheering louder]
97
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,582
[crowd cheering louder]
98
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,685
- [scoffs] It's only
Women's soccer.
99
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:47,487
Nobody cares.
100
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:49,489
- what the--
101
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:54,159
- my name is neo, and I'm
Going to beat you, robots.
102
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:59,332
My name is constantine,
And I'm going to
Defeat you, demon.
103
00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:02,702
I'm the guy from "Speed,"
And I'm going to stop you,
104
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:05,805
Famous character actor
Dennis hopper.
105
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:10,309
- cut.
- hi. I'm keanu reeves.
106
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:11,611
I've beaten the world of acting,
107
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:15,448
And now I'm going to beat
The world of breakfast sausages.
108
00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:17,750
They're tasty.
Don't believe me?
109
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,819
Listen to these breakfast fans.
110
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:24,323
- oh, hello.
I did not notice you there.
111
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,626
I'm a fan of sausage.
112
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:33,066
I like keanu's sausage the best.
To eat.
113
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:37,770
- they're so juicy.
I can't start the day without
114
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,973
An amazing sausage in my mouth.
115
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:45,645
That's where keanu comes in.
116
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:47,880
[chewing]
117
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:51,117
- whoa . That's good sausage.
118
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:56,622
[slurps]
119
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,892
- oh, very good, billy.
120
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:04,063
Just delightful, judy.
121
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,432
[slurps]
Excellent, emily.
122
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,301
- [giggles]
- hol--
123
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:10,670
- ok, people.
Stay cool.
124
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:11,404
Uhh!
125
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,006
Where are the plans?
- what? Uhh!
126
00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:17,510
- where are the plans?
- I--I don't--I don't kn--
127
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,112
Aah!
- plans!
128
00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:20,446
[telephone ringing]
129
00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:21,314
Kind of busy here, chief.
130
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:22,849
- [indistinct voice
On telephone]
131
00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:23,983
- whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait.
132
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,854
Did you say
"Eisenhower middle school"?
- [indistinct]
133
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,657
- um, heh, sorry, everyone
Just a drill.
134
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,659
[glass breaks]
135
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,561
[tires screeching]
136
00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:37,163
- mrs. Dorsey?
137
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,700
- what happens when 200 monkeys
Are set loose
138
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,135
On a deserted island?
139
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,971
And what happens if that island
Is booby-trapped
140
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:47,540
With thousands of land mines?
141
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:50,376
"Crazy monkeys
On land mine island."
142
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:52,078
When subterranean munitions
143
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,313
Meet those
Semi-intelligent simians,
144
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:58,117
The results are
Outrageously loud.
145
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,754
- [chattering]
146
00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:06,259
- [growling]
147
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,230
- and the fun
Really gets started
148
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:13,232
When snoop dogg makes the scene!
149
00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:16,102
- hey, y'all, snibbity diggity.
150
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,771
- "Crazy monkeys
On land mine island."
151
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:23,442
- michael flatley is
The lord of the dance.
152
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:28,648
Darth vader is the lord
Of the sith.
153
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,053
- like, dude,
What are we doing here?
154
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,388
- camp crystal lake,
155
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:40,092
Supposedly haunted by
A machete-wielding spook
156
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:41,360
Named jason voorhees.
157
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:44,063
- [whimpers]
- we should make like
Hockey sticks
158
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,699
And get the puck out of here.
Ha ha!
159
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:47,533
- well, hello there.
160
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,802
- it's don knotts
And phyllis diller.
161
00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:51,470
- we're the camp counselors.
162
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:52,738
Of course, after this gig,
163
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:56,075
I'm the one who's gonna
Need counseling.
164
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,009
- I suggest we split up.
165
00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:59,178
Shaggy and scooby,
You check the campground.
166
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:00,446
Velma, you check the woods.
167
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:01,914
Daphne and I'll
Check out the bunkhouse
168
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,750
And have some of that nice sex
Until you get back.
169
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,053
- sex? You?
With her?
170
00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:09,455
But with that dickey,
You couldn't even bag
171
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:11,123
An old bag like me!
172
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,425
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
173
00:08:12,491 --> 00:08:16,229
- it's an ascot, you old whore.
An ascot!
174
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,798
[crash]
- well, your ass got laid out
175
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,666
By this old whore, dickey.
176
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:21,901
Hee hee hee hee hee.
177
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:25,004
- this place gives me, like,
The heebie-jeebies.
178
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:25,905
- ruh-huh.
179
00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:28,841
Ooh, rooby racks.
- like, oh, boy! Ha ha!
180
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:33,880
Man, I am one sad
Dog-food-eating hippie.
181
00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:35,147
[munch]
182
00:08:35,213 --> 00:08:38,317
Like, sorry, man.
My mistake.
183
00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:41,020
Yikes! Oh-oh!
The killer!
184
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,955
Run, scoob!
185
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:55,668
Zoinks!
- [shouting indistinctly]
186
00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:58,337
- better shaggy than me.
187
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,606
- [whimpers]
- gosh, freddy,
188
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,174
Are we really
Going to go all the way?
189
00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:05,344
- if one more person says
Something about my ascot,
190
00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:08,080
I'll--damn, it's fashionable.
191
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,749
- aah! Oh!
192
00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:13,786
Far out. That must be
Jason's dead mother.
193
00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:15,454
This explains everything.
194
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:17,323
- whoooaaa!
195
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,692
That must be
Jason's dead mother.
196
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:21,594
This explains everything.
197
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:22,762
- fred, you're an [bleep] Hole,
198
00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:25,264
And that ascot
Makes you look gay.
199
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,433
- aah! Her first!
200
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,434
Kill her first!
201
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,269
Ohh!
- hey! Uhh!
202
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:34,340
Ohh! Ohh!
Aah! Aah! Ohh!
203
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,642
- the virgin always
Lives the longest
204
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:37,977
In these horror movies.
205
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,578
God, my life sucks!
206
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:40,646
- you think your life sucks?
207
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:44,383
One of my apartment tenants
Might be a flaming homo.
208
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:47,987
And that ain't all.
Somebody killed me.
209
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:54,460
- mmm.
210
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,165
Mmm.
211
00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:00,299
- huh--huh!
212
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:03,736
Now we'll see who
Jason voorhees really is.
213
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:07,039
[gasps] Old man phillips?
But why?
214
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:10,609
- spanish doubloons worth
Hundreds of dollars
215
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:12,678
Are sitting at
The bottom of the lake.
216
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:14,313
They would've been all mine
217
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:17,149
If it weren't for you
Meddling kids.
218
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:19,118
- a--a bunch of coins?
219
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,252
All my friends are dead.
220
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:24,457
They're dead
And I'm still a virgin.
A virgin!
221
00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:27,626
- you know, we can fix that.
222
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:31,697
- [moaning]
223
00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:33,332
- your skin is soft.
224
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:35,434
- ohh...Brother.
225
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:37,103
- [laughs]
226
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:38,504
- oh, wow.
227
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:43,309
- I know a lot about
Pleasing a young child.
- give it to me, wise man.
228
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:46,112
Give it to me.
- oh, here you go.
229
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:47,546
- ohh...
- hey!
230
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,682
- oh, I think
I've got a clue.
231
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,517
- I've got little
To no sensation
232
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,352
In the lower half of my body.
233
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:55,821
Yeah, yeah!
234
00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:59,525
- what a mystery.
- that's what I'm talking about.
235
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,027
- yeah.
- good!
236
00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:01,927
- ohh!
- oh, yeah!
237
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:05,731
- ohh!
- oh, this is gonna be
A long one.
238
00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:08,501
- ow, my back is--
239
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:10,102
- ohh...
240
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,203
[monkey chattering]
241
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,472
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
242
00:11:13,539 --> 00:11:19,111
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
16541
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