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1
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Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
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[drill]
3
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,053
- it's alive!
4
00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:38,471
[farts]
5
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,506
- ahh.
6
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:40,340
Ohh.
7
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:43,576
Oh, sweet [beep]
In a birch bark canoe!
8
00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:44,411
- you, all right?
9
00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:47,080
I learned it
From watching you!
10
00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:48,548
- whew, man.
11
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:51,518
It's not easy
Being william shatner.
12
00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:56,790
Actor, singer, rancher,
All-around macho hombre.
13
00:00:56,856 --> 00:01:00,193
Oh, yeah.
14
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:01,227
Ahh.
15
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:05,465
Time to beam me down
A good night's sleep.
16
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,310
[slurping]
17
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:19,979
[cell phone rings]
18
00:01:20,045 --> 00:01:21,748
- you're needed.
19
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:37,197
- huh, so you have
Come back, mi amor.
20
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:38,598
Oh, s'il vous plait.
21
00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:40,300
I know I do not deserve
Forgiveness,
22
00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:43,136
But give me
One last chance, non?
23
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:45,839
What you're here for,
It is not important.
24
00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:47,907
All that matters is our love.
25
00:01:47,973 --> 00:01:51,744
Oh, run away with me.
26
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,479
[sobbing]
27
00:01:53,545 --> 00:01:55,315
I curse you.
28
00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:56,049
Here.
29
00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:59,051
You'll find them
At this address.
30
00:01:59,118 --> 00:01:59,786
- ha ha ha!
31
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,221
Finally, the secret is ours.
32
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,623
- they will have to
Accept our demands now.
33
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,692
[laughing]
34
00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:06,726
[gasp]
35
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,228
You!
36
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:15,034
- aah! You shot me!
37
00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:18,805
- the world is safe again
Thanks to you.
38
00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:25,879
- uhh.
39
00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:28,214
Yawn.
40
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:34,654
Where do these things
Keep coming from?
41
00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,257
- shazam!
42
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:39,459
- I did it.
43
00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:43,563
I reunited that boy
With his puppy.
44
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:44,898
What the--
45
00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:49,769
- come here, baby.
What's taking so long?
46
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:50,703
- oh, boy.
47
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:54,274
- there's no such thing
As stupid questions,
48
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,843
Except for billy's questions.
49
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,711
- you're not really
An atheist, are you, todd?
50
00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:03,116
- look, I just don't
Believe in the whole
Heaven-hell thing.
51
00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:03,883
[horn honks]
52
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:06,386
- wow, what
An unfortunate, uh...
53
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:07,287
- plot device?
54
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,322
- yeah. Plot device.
55
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,091
- holy [beep].
56
00:03:12,158 --> 00:03:14,827
Heaven does exist.
57
00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:17,130
Holy [beep].
58
00:03:17,196 --> 00:03:18,798
It's beautiful.
59
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,301
[alarm blaring]
60
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,569
[screaming]
61
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,170
- what--what's going on?
62
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:25,271
- down! Down!
63
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:28,341
[screaming]
64
00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,610
- damn you, f.A.A.!
65
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:33,179
- ha ha ha!
66
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:34,247
[snorting]
67
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:36,082
[coughing]
68
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:36,983
- todd.
69
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,451
- holy [beep].
70
00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:39,185
Grandma!
71
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,254
It's so good to see you.
72
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:43,289
And...Uncle steve.
73
00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:44,557
Holy [beep].
74
00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:45,858
They let you in here?
- yeah.
75
00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:49,963
Turns out we were
Doing stuff the priests
Were into themselves.
76
00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:52,732
Ha. Lucky me.
77
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:56,202
- I was a serial killer,
But repented in prison
78
00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:57,136
And went to heaven.
79
00:03:57,203 --> 00:04:01,307
- I killed hundreds
In the name of our lord.
80
00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:05,345
- well, I'm just
As surprised as you are.
81
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,747
- uh, hey.
You work here.
82
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:08,881
- since day one.
83
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:09,749
What can I do for you?
84
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,751
- what's with the hypocrisy
Around here?
85
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:12,885
Why is uncle steve here?
86
00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:15,722
And the serial killer
Gets in because he repents?
87
00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:17,423
- well, if you're
Gonna bitch so much,
88
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,993
I can return you to earth
At any time.
89
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:21,461
- really?
- sure.
90
00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:24,664
Just look over there.
91
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:26,265
- aah!
92
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:28,167
- heh heh heh.
93
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:29,335
Oh, douche bag.
94
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:32,005
- so there was this truck,
And it came out of nowhere,
95
00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:34,173
You see,
And it hit our friend.
96
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,608
- aah!
97
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:36,576
Oof!
98
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:37,810
Holy [beep].
99
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,545
It's a miracle.
100
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,614
Hey, guys, I'm back!
101
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:44,250
And I have so much to--
102
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,321
- wow. That's, uh...
103
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,422
That's so, um...
104
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:50,223
- ironic?
105
00:04:50,289 --> 00:04:52,125
- yeah, yeah. Ironic.
106
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:55,461
[yawns]
107
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:56,329
- oof!
108
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:59,032
- sam, ziggy says
In order to leap out,
109
00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:00,867
You got to work the shaft.
110
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,435
Work the shaft, sam.
111
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:03,369
[thumping]
112
00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:04,771
There you go.
113
00:05:04,837 --> 00:05:07,240
- china is in here, mr. Burton.
114
00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:08,074
- oh.
115
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,343
- wow! I can record
My favorite shows
116
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:14,213
And teach it to record
Other shows that I like!
117
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:14,981
This is great!
118
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,315
What did I do
Without this thing?
119
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:17,517
[telephone rings]
120
00:05:17,582 --> 00:05:18,451
Hello?
121
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:19,819
- hey, buddy.
We're heading out to the bar.
122
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:20,620
You want to come?
123
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:21,688
- why don't you take your bar
124
00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:23,189
And shove it up your ass?
125
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:24,524
I'm watching tivo!
126
00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:26,959
- but, but--
127
00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:27,860
[telephone rings]
128
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,929
- hello?
- this is your boss.
129
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,030
You're very late.
130
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:33,299
Are you even coming in today?
131
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:34,233
- no.
132
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,835
Uh, tivo.
133
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:39,372
- you're fired!
134
00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,773
- oh, my god.
135
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:41,808
My poor baby.
136
00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:43,643
You just get off the couch
And come with me.
137
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:44,644
Mom is here to help.
138
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:45,578
We got to go, baby.
139
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,313
We got to go
And get some help.
140
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:48,047
Come on.
141
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:49,348
We'll get through this
Together.
142
00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:52,752
You just get off
That couch and get up.
143
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:53,920
Aah! Oh!
144
00:05:53,986 --> 00:05:57,090
[thumping]
145
00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:05,164
- love...You...Tivo.
146
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,336
- tivo.
It'll change your life.
147
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:11,604
- no, it's not a tumor.
148
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:12,872
It's not a tumor at all.
149
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,575
- the amazing true story
That touched the hearts
Of generations
150
00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:18,478
Is now a motion picture
You'll never forget.
151
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,947
- "Dear diary,
This is my chronicle
152
00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:24,784
"Of a most unfortunate time.
153
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,486
"My name is anne.
154
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,187
Anne frank."
155
00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:29,122
Awesome.
156
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:34,393
"Luckily, everything I want
Is right here."
157
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:41,367
♪ let the nazis come
And take my friends ♪
158
00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:45,671
♪ gonna pray all day
To the southern ends ♪
159
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:48,141
♪ I want to punch
That hitler... ♪
160
00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:49,776
- the nazis are here!
161
00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:52,712
- I'm on it, dad.
162
00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:54,947
- achtung!
163
00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:56,983
- mein kampf!
164
00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,654
- wiener schnitzel!
165
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:03,723
- you're really something,
Anne frank.
166
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,859
- heh, I'm just me.
167
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:11,464
- nazis are so uncool.
168
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:16,936
- don't put the baby
In the bulldozer.
169
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,605
- dude, west nile virus rules.
170
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:20,506
- word.
171
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:22,175
- a jumper's standoff
With police
172
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:23,276
Came to a tragic end
173
00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:24,844
On the brooklyn bridge
Today,
174
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,345
As an unidentified
Skull-faced man
175
00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:29,182
Brought traffic
To a standstill
For two hours
176
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:31,284
Before leaping
To his death.
177
00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:32,118
[click]
178
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,419
- all too common.
179
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:35,922
You ever wonder what became
Of those playthings
180
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:36,889
Of yesteryear?
181
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,358
If you're the ceo
Of a "Fortune" 500 company,
182
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,693
You're probably too busy
Counting money
183
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,664
On the naked back of
A $10,000-a-night whore to care.
184
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:46,265
But I care.
185
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:47,233
Man-at-arms.
186
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,669
Killed in a hail of crip
Gunfire on the streets
187
00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:52,305
Of south central los angeles.
188
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:53,172
Beast man.
189
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:54,841
Currently dodging child
Support payments
190
00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:57,909
Under an assumed name
In akron, ohio.
191
00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,679
We see you.
192
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:00,413
Trap-jaw.
193
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,215
Now a south dakota
State senator.
194
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:06,352
Sad fates for those once known
As the masters of the universe.
195
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:09,021
For more perspective,
We've come to prince adam,
196
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:11,757
Best known as the champion
Of eternia, he-man.
197
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:15,962
He-man, you're currently
Employed as a mall
Security guard.
198
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:18,164
How did it come to this?
199
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,799
- yeah, well...
200
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:20,967
Hey, you!
201
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:23,269
Stop!
202
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,539
By the power of grayskull!
203
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:27,907
- oh, look!
He's got a sword!
204
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:30,009
- once the leader
Of the mighty thundercats,
205
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,078
Today lion-o is an unemployed
Construction worker
206
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:34,981
Staring down the big 4-0.
207
00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:37,082
- after mumm-ra died
Of testicular cancer,
208
00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:40,219
There wasn't nobody left
For the thundercats to fight.
209
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:41,120
We had to get real jobs.
210
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,824
- mm-hmm. Was construction
Your first job?
211
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:45,658
- uh...
212
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:47,526
- whoo! Oh, yeah!
213
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:48,327
Oh, my god!
214
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,363
- mm-hmm.
And how about the others?
215
00:08:50,429 --> 00:08:52,398
- panthro's doing a dime
In federal prison
216
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:55,768
For selling junk bonds
To senior citizens...
217
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,403
And then eating them.
218
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,738
- snarf, snarf.
219
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:00,640
No-good rober berbil.
220
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:01,474
Snarf!
221
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:02,742
- I don't know
What happened to snarf.
222
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:07,313
- and what happened
To the team's sexy
Female member, cheetara?
223
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,114
[cats meowing]
224
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,750
- she's still
My sexy lady, I guess.
225
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:11,884
Oh, hey,
You want to go out back
226
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:13,552
And shoot some cans
With a .22?
227
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:15,321
- not every toy
Meets with despair.
228
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,291
Some, like the transformer
Known as soundwave here,
229
00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:20,793
Have managed to find
Steady, honest work
230
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:21,928
Out of the limelight.
231
00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:24,764
Soundwave, what's the secret
Of your success?
232
00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:26,866
- well, I just try
Not to dwell on the past.
233
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:29,368
I have a family
To support now, and--
234
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:30,703
Can you hang on a minute?
235
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,906
I've got a customer.
236
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,074
- oh, oh, man.
237
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:36,375
- it may not seem like much,
238
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:40,146
But it's an honest day's
Paycheck for an honest day's--
239
00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:41,981
- uhh!
240
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:43,182
- it's an honest--
241
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,150
[farts]
242
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:47,420
[squirting]
243
00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:52,558
Some legends burn out
Or simply fade away,
244
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,528
But some manage to adapt
To changing times.
245
00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:58,230
- destro, you were
Once a member of cobra,
246
00:09:58,297 --> 00:10:00,299
The ruthless
Terrorist organization
247
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:01,767
Determined to rule
The world.
248
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:05,204
From arms dealer
To used car dealer.
249
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,038
What happened?
250
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,174
- everyone just
Sort of lost interest.
251
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,208
I think as you get older,
252
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,944
Ruling the world just seems
Like too much trouble.
253
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,981
- and what became of
The once-feared leader of cobra,
254
00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:16,682
The notorious
Cobra commander?
255
00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:18,517
- our callers
Just can't get enough
256
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:21,454
Of these double-belt
Pleated pantsuits.
257
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:22,955
- I know.
258
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:23,856
- hey, watch your mouth.
259
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:25,858
I'm the one--
You tell me when--
260
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:28,127
You say another thing.
261
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,762
You get your hands off me!
262
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:30,663
Whoa!
263
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,231
- nobody knows what
Happened to shipwreck.
264
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,100
It's easy to forget
About the toys
265
00:10:34,165 --> 00:10:36,802
That filled our happy,
Youthful days,
266
00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:37,803
But as americans,
267
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We must never forget
To treat everyone
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With honor, decency,
And respect.
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- am I done yet?
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- you'll know, she-ra.
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You'll know.
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Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
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Captioned by the national
Captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
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[chickens clucking theme song]
17982
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