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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:06,039 Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group 2 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:11,111 [drill] 3 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,053 - it's alive! 4 00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:38,471 [farts] 5 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,506 - ahh. 6 00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:40,340 Ohh. 7 00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:43,576 Oh, sweet [beep] In a birch bark canoe! 8 00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:44,411 - you, all right? 9 00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:47,080 I learned it From watching you! 10 00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:48,548 - whew, man. 11 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:51,518 It's not easy Being william shatner. 12 00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:56,790 Actor, singer, rancher, All-around macho hombre. 13 00:00:56,856 --> 00:01:00,193 Oh, yeah. 14 00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:01,227 Ahh. 15 00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:05,465 Time to beam me down A good night's sleep. 16 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,310 [slurping] 17 00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:19,979 [cell phone rings] 18 00:01:20,045 --> 00:01:21,748 - you're needed. 19 00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:37,197 - huh, so you have Come back, mi amor. 20 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:38,598 Oh, s'il vous plait. 21 00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:40,300 I know I do not deserve Forgiveness, 22 00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:43,136 But give me One last chance, non? 23 00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:45,839 What you're here for, It is not important. 24 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:47,907 All that matters is our love. 25 00:01:47,973 --> 00:01:51,744 Oh, run away with me. 26 00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,479 [sobbing] 27 00:01:53,545 --> 00:01:55,315 I curse you. 28 00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:56,049 Here. 29 00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:59,051 You'll find them At this address. 30 00:01:59,118 --> 00:01:59,786 - ha ha ha! 31 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,221 Finally, the secret is ours. 32 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,623 - they will have to Accept our demands now. 33 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,692 [laughing] 34 00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:06,726 [gasp] 35 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,228 You! 36 00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:15,034 - aah! You shot me! 37 00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:18,805 - the world is safe again Thanks to you. 38 00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:25,879 - uhh. 39 00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:28,214 Yawn. 40 00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:34,654 Where do these things Keep coming from? 41 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,257 - shazam! 42 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:39,459 - I did it. 43 00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:43,563 I reunited that boy With his puppy. 44 00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:44,898 What the-- 45 00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:49,769 - come here, baby. What's taking so long? 46 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:50,703 - oh, boy. 47 00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:54,274 - there's no such thing As stupid questions, 48 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,843 Except for billy's questions. 49 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,711 - you're not really An atheist, are you, todd? 50 00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:03,116 - look, I just don't Believe in the whole Heaven-hell thing. 51 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:03,883 [horn honks] 52 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:06,386 - wow, what An unfortunate, uh... 53 00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:07,287 - plot device? 54 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,322 - yeah. Plot device. 55 00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,091 - holy [beep]. 56 00:03:12,158 --> 00:03:14,827 Heaven does exist. 57 00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:17,130 Holy [beep]. 58 00:03:17,196 --> 00:03:18,798 It's beautiful. 59 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,301 [alarm blaring] 60 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,569 [screaming] 61 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,170 - what--what's going on? 62 00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:25,271 - down! Down! 63 00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:28,341 [screaming] 64 00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,610 - damn you, f.A.A.! 65 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:33,179 - ha ha ha! 66 00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:34,247 [snorting] 67 00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:36,082 [coughing] 68 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:36,983 - todd. 69 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,451 - holy [beep]. 70 00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:39,185 Grandma! 71 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,254 It's so good to see you. 72 00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:43,289 And...Uncle steve. 73 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:44,557 Holy [beep]. 74 00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:45,858 They let you in here? - yeah. 75 00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:49,963 Turns out we were Doing stuff the priests Were into themselves. 76 00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:52,732 Ha. Lucky me. 77 00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:56,202 - I was a serial killer, But repented in prison 78 00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:57,136 And went to heaven. 79 00:03:57,203 --> 00:04:01,307 - I killed hundreds In the name of our lord. 80 00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:05,345 - well, I'm just As surprised as you are. 81 00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,747 - uh, hey. You work here. 82 00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:08,881 - since day one. 83 00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:09,749 What can I do for you? 84 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,751 - what's with the hypocrisy Around here? 85 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:12,885 Why is uncle steve here? 86 00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:15,722 And the serial killer Gets in because he repents? 87 00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:17,423 - well, if you're Gonna bitch so much, 88 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,993 I can return you to earth At any time. 89 00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:21,461 - really? - sure. 90 00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:24,664 Just look over there. 91 00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:26,265 - aah! 92 00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:28,167 - heh heh heh. 93 00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:29,335 Oh, douche bag. 94 00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:32,005 - so there was this truck, And it came out of nowhere, 95 00:04:32,071 --> 00:04:34,173 You see, And it hit our friend. 96 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,608 - aah! 97 00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:36,576 Oof! 98 00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:37,810 Holy [beep]. 99 00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,545 It's a miracle. 100 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,614 Hey, guys, I'm back! 101 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:44,250 And I have so much to-- 102 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,321 - wow. That's, uh... 103 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,422 That's so, um... 104 00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:50,223 - ironic? 105 00:04:50,289 --> 00:04:52,125 - yeah, yeah. Ironic. 106 00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:55,461 [yawns] 107 00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:56,329 - oof! 108 00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:59,032 - sam, ziggy says In order to leap out, 109 00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:00,867 You got to work the shaft. 110 00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,435 Work the shaft, sam. 111 00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:03,369 [thumping] 112 00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:04,771 There you go. 113 00:05:04,837 --> 00:05:07,240 - china is in here, mr. Burton. 114 00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:08,074 - oh. 115 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,343 - wow! I can record My favorite shows 116 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:14,213 And teach it to record Other shows that I like! 117 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:14,981 This is great! 118 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,315 What did I do Without this thing? 119 00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:17,517 [telephone rings] 120 00:05:17,582 --> 00:05:18,451 Hello? 121 00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:19,819 - hey, buddy. We're heading out to the bar. 122 00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:20,620 You want to come? 123 00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:21,688 - why don't you take your bar 124 00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:23,189 And shove it up your ass? 125 00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:24,524 I'm watching tivo! 126 00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:26,959 - but, but-- 127 00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:27,860 [telephone rings] 128 00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,929 - hello? - this is your boss. 129 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,030 You're very late. 130 00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:33,299 Are you even coming in today? 131 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:34,233 - no. 132 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,835 Uh, tivo. 133 00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:39,372 - you're fired! 134 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,773 - oh, my god. 135 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:41,808 My poor baby. 136 00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:43,643 You just get off the couch And come with me. 137 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:44,644 Mom is here to help. 138 00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:45,578 We got to go, baby. 139 00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,313 We got to go And get some help. 140 00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:48,047 Come on. 141 00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:49,348 We'll get through this Together. 142 00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:52,752 You just get off That couch and get up. 143 00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:53,920 Aah! Oh! 144 00:05:53,986 --> 00:05:57,090 [thumping] 145 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:05,164 - love...You...Tivo. 146 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,336 - tivo. It'll change your life. 147 00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:11,604 - no, it's not a tumor. 148 00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:12,872 It's not a tumor at all. 149 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,575 - the amazing true story That touched the hearts Of generations 150 00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:18,478 Is now a motion picture You'll never forget. 151 00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,947 - "Dear diary, This is my chronicle 152 00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:24,784 "Of a most unfortunate time. 153 00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,486 "My name is anne. 154 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,187 Anne frank." 155 00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:29,122 Awesome. 156 00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:34,393 "Luckily, everything I want Is right here." 157 00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:41,367 ♪ let the nazis come And take my friends ♪ 158 00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:45,671 ♪ gonna pray all day To the southern ends ♪ 159 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:48,141 ♪ I want to punch That hitler... ♪ 160 00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:49,776 - the nazis are here! 161 00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:52,712 - I'm on it, dad. 162 00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:54,947 - achtung! 163 00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:56,983 - mein kampf! 164 00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,654 - wiener schnitzel! 165 00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:03,723 - you're really something, Anne frank. 166 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,859 - heh, I'm just me. 167 00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:11,464 - nazis are so uncool. 168 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:16,936 - don't put the baby In the bulldozer. 169 00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,605 - dude, west nile virus rules. 170 00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:20,506 - word. 171 00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:22,175 - a jumper's standoff With police 172 00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:23,276 Came to a tragic end 173 00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:24,844 On the brooklyn bridge Today, 174 00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,345 As an unidentified Skull-faced man 175 00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:29,182 Brought traffic To a standstill For two hours 176 00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:31,284 Before leaping To his death. 177 00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:32,118 [click] 178 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,419 - all too common. 179 00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:35,922 You ever wonder what became Of those playthings 180 00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:36,889 Of yesteryear? 181 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,358 If you're the ceo Of a "Fortune" 500 company, 182 00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,693 You're probably too busy Counting money 183 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,664 On the naked back of A $10,000-a-night whore to care. 184 00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:46,265 But I care. 185 00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:47,233 Man-at-arms. 186 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,669 Killed in a hail of crip Gunfire on the streets 187 00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:52,305 Of south central los angeles. 188 00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:53,172 Beast man. 189 00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:54,841 Currently dodging child Support payments 190 00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:57,909 Under an assumed name In akron, ohio. 191 00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,679 We see you. 192 00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:00,413 Trap-jaw. 193 00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,215 Now a south dakota State senator. 194 00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:06,352 Sad fates for those once known As the masters of the universe. 195 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:09,021 For more perspective, We've come to prince adam, 196 00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:11,757 Best known as the champion Of eternia, he-man. 197 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:15,962 He-man, you're currently Employed as a mall Security guard. 198 00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:18,164 How did it come to this? 199 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,799 - yeah, well... 200 00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:20,967 Hey, you! 201 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:23,269 Stop! 202 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,539 By the power of grayskull! 203 00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:27,907 - oh, look! He's got a sword! 204 00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:30,009 - once the leader Of the mighty thundercats, 205 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,078 Today lion-o is an unemployed Construction worker 206 00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:34,981 Staring down the big 4-0. 207 00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:37,082 - after mumm-ra died Of testicular cancer, 208 00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:40,219 There wasn't nobody left For the thundercats to fight. 209 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:41,120 We had to get real jobs. 210 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,824 - mm-hmm. Was construction Your first job? 211 00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:45,658 - uh... 212 00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:47,526 - whoo! Oh, yeah! 213 00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:48,327 Oh, my god! 214 00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,363 - mm-hmm. And how about the others? 215 00:08:50,429 --> 00:08:52,398 - panthro's doing a dime In federal prison 216 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:55,768 For selling junk bonds To senior citizens... 217 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,403 And then eating them. 218 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,738 - snarf, snarf. 219 00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:00,640 No-good rober berbil. 220 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:01,474 Snarf! 221 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:02,742 - I don't know What happened to snarf. 222 00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:07,313 - and what happened To the team's sexy Female member, cheetara? 223 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,114 [cats meowing] 224 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,750 - she's still My sexy lady, I guess. 225 00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:11,884 Oh, hey, You want to go out back 226 00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:13,552 And shoot some cans With a .22? 227 00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:15,321 - not every toy Meets with despair. 228 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,291 Some, like the transformer Known as soundwave here, 229 00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:20,793 Have managed to find Steady, honest work 230 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:21,928 Out of the limelight. 231 00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:24,764 Soundwave, what's the secret Of your success? 232 00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:26,866 - well, I just try Not to dwell on the past. 233 00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:29,368 I have a family To support now, and-- 234 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:30,703 Can you hang on a minute? 235 00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,906 I've got a customer. 236 00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,074 - oh, oh, man. 237 00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:36,375 - it may not seem like much, 238 00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:40,146 But it's an honest day's Paycheck for an honest day's-- 239 00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:41,981 - uhh! 240 00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:43,182 - it's an honest-- 241 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,150 [farts] 242 00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:47,420 [squirting] 243 00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:52,558 Some legends burn out Or simply fade away, 244 00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,528 But some manage to adapt To changing times. 245 00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:58,230 - destro, you were Once a member of cobra, 246 00:09:58,297 --> 00:10:00,299 The ruthless Terrorist organization 247 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:01,767 Determined to rule The world. 248 00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:05,204 From arms dealer To used car dealer. 249 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,038 What happened? 250 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,174 - everyone just Sort of lost interest. 251 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,208 I think as you get older, 252 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,944 Ruling the world just seems Like too much trouble. 253 00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,981 - and what became of The once-feared leader of cobra, 254 00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:16,682 The notorious Cobra commander? 255 00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:18,517 - our callers Just can't get enough 256 00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:21,454 Of these double-belt Pleated pantsuits. 257 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:22,955 - I know. 258 00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:23,856 - hey, watch your mouth. 259 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:25,858 I'm the one-- You tell me when-- 260 00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:28,127 You say another thing. 261 00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,762 You get your hands off me! 262 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:30,663 Whoa! 263 00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,231 - nobody knows what Happened to shipwreck. 264 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,100 It's easy to forget About the toys 265 00:10:34,165 --> 00:10:36,802 That filled our happy, Youthful days, 266 00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:37,803 But as americans, 267 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:40,106 We must never forget To treat everyone 268 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:45,044 With honor, decency, And respect. 269 00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,245 - am I done yet? 270 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,014 - you'll know, she-ra. 271 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,115 You'll know. 272 00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:51,884 Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group 273 00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:55,588 Captioned by the national Captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org-- 274 00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:59,525 [chickens clucking theme song] 17982

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