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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:08,241 [laughing] 2 00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:10,844 [whirring] 3 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,517 Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group 4 00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,953 - it's alive! 5 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,773 - ha ha ha! 6 00:00:39,839 --> 00:00:40,974 Oh, yeah! 7 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,276 I'm wealthy and successful. 8 00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,811 Fantastic! 9 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,079 [buzzer] 10 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,180 - [snorting] 11 00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,481 Ready for this? 12 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,183 - you're going down, devil. 13 00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:53,052 - seacrest, out. 14 00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:04,931 - ha ha ha! 15 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:05,799 - ha ha ha. 16 00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:07,767 You gotta love being A stay-at-home dad. 17 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,136 But some days are tougher Than others. 18 00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:11,204 - don't worry, dad. 19 00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,039 Senor clean is on the job. 20 00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:15,942 - ♪ senor clean, senor clean ♪ 21 00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:18,745 - need a little help? 22 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,615 - thanks, senor clean! 23 00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:26,419 - oh, no. I no finished yet. 24 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,253 - ha ha. What? 25 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,722 - go see a movie, kids. 26 00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:31,357 - yay! 27 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,725 - my wife will be home soon. 28 00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:36,229 - now with her brake lines cut, She won't! 29 00:01:36,295 --> 00:01:39,232 - ♪ senor clean gets it done ♪ 30 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,936 - sometimes with my penis! 31 00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:46,439 - seacrest, out! 32 00:01:47,473 --> 00:01:49,275 - aah! 33 00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:51,444 Hmm. 34 00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,587 - well, it is Scientifically possible 35 00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:04,390 To fly a crew of men to The asteroid and destroy it, 36 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,525 Saving our planet. 37 00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:09,863 However, it will cost 80,000 trillion dollars. 38 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:12,765 - sir, is that a made-up number? 39 00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:13,466 - yes. 40 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,802 - [reporters clamoring] 41 00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:18,704 - the fine citizens Of this country 42 00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:21,608 Are reluctant to support Another tax increase. 43 00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:27,614 Therefore, congress is america To vote on who goes into space. 44 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,283 - don't we have Highly trained astronauts? 45 00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:33,152 - oh, that's something Of a myth. 46 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,153 - and how can people vote? 47 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,356 - they can call Our special 800 number. 48 00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,691 You can vote as many times As you like. 49 00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,094 But each call costs you $30,000. 50 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,529 Kids, get your Parents' permission. 51 00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:45,598 - as your leader, I would be Honored if america selected me 52 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:49,102 To lead a dangerous suicide Mission into outer space. 53 00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:52,505 But this letter from my daddy Says I don't got to go. 54 00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,607 ♪ na na na na na ♪ 55 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,843 Zoom, zoom, zoom! 56 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,045 Zoom, zoom, zoom! 57 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,280 - the results are in. 58 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,616 And the men americans Have chosen to lead The meteor mission 59 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,684 Is harrison ford. 60 00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:07,787 Ford has starred in more Top-grossing motion pictures 61 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,888 Than any other actor alive. 62 00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:13,059 And now the fate of the world Is in his capable hands. 63 00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:16,462 - listen, I'm 62-years-old. 64 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:17,329 I'm just an actor. 65 00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,232 You people are all insane. 66 00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:20,667 - go get him, hans solo! 67 00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,569 - I'd like to meet The team of engineers 68 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,404 Who will accompany me On this mission. 69 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,806 - actually, the remaining 5 spots on the flight 70 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,975 Will by filled by aerosmith. 71 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,111 We need a cool theme song For this mission. 72 00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:34,147 - I'm ready to rock! 73 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,248 [retch] 74 00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:38,117 - my god. Did you just get off The centrifuge trainer? 75 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:42,055 - no, I just shot smack Into both my eyeballs. 76 00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:43,489 Yow! 77 00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:44,390 - that's terrible! 78 00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:47,260 Aw, steven tyler's Been clean for years. 79 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,495 I have to write an angry letter. 80 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,264 "Dear assfaces..." 81 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,399 - ladies and gentlemen, I gathered you here today 82 00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:58,204 To volunteer my services To go blow up that meteor. 83 00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,305 I mean, come on, 84 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,874 I blew up the frigging Death star with my eyes closed. 85 00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,309 Ha. No problem. 86 00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:05,678 - that was just a movie, dude. 87 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:12,852 - 4, 3, 2, 1, 0. Liftoff. 88 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:13,853 Liftoff. 89 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,423 - yeah! [retching] 90 00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,226 - all right, This is it, people. 91 00:04:21,293 --> 00:04:23,529 We've gotta make a perfect 3 point landing 92 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:24,864 On the surface of A chunk of rock 93 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,300 Traveling 14,000 Kilometers an hour 94 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,968 And use our positioning software 95 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,737 To determine the exact locations 96 00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,305 In which to detonate Our charges, 97 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,040 Fracturing the meteorite Into small enough pieces 98 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,176 That will burn up harmlessly In the earth's atmosphere. 99 00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,912 Then we gotta turn This puppy around 100 00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:41,581 And get home in one piece. 101 00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,049 Can we do this? 102 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,050 - yeah! 103 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,551 - are you with me? 104 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,753 - yeah! 105 00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:52,091 U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 106 00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:55,294 U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 107 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,562 - [bleep] 108 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,430 - [bleep] 109 00:04:57,497 --> 00:05:00,967 - now, that sucks donkey dung. 110 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,460 - gotta lay low for a while. 111 00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:30,296 Ah, this looks Like a good spot. 112 00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:33,099 Once I get my body back And reverse the gypsy curse, 113 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,068 Or whatever the hell My origin is, 114 00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:38,805 I won't be hanging out In any lettuce patches. 115 00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:40,940 Ha ha ha ha ha! 116 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,108 Huh? Who's there? 117 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,343 Come and get some! 118 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,451 What are you? 119 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,585 Zombies? 120 00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,220 - we have no souls. 121 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,221 - we feel no pain. 122 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:58,491 - with your soul, We can finally free ourselves 123 00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,860 From this wretched Lettuce patch. 124 00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:02,695 - [moaning and groaning] 125 00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:05,164 - soul, gimme your soul. 126 00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,233 - ♪ soul ♪ 127 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,502 - [moaning] 128 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,705 - aah! 129 00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,007 - soul! Soul! - soul! 130 00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:15,675 - aah! 131 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,845 - gimme your soul. Your soul! 132 00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:21,881 - aah! - aah! 133 00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,049 - with their new souls, 134 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,818 Nothing could stop The lettuce head kids. 135 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,221 That's where I come in. I'm buffy. 136 00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:30,690 I fight evil. It's what I do. 137 00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:33,626 And that's how season 8 Would've started. 138 00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:36,562 - [bleep] No wonder you quit. 139 00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:39,732 - give me the boobies! 140 00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,202 - seacrest, out. 141 00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:46,005 - and welcome to the fourth Annual winter pet games 142 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,040 Downhill skiing competition. 143 00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:50,376 - let's hear from some Of those pet owners. 144 00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:51,778 - muffin was born to ski. 145 00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:54,847 - this is flopsy's decision, Not mine. 146 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,315 I couldn't keep him Off the slope, 147 00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:58,117 Even if I wanted to. 148 00:06:58,183 --> 00:06:58,885 And I don't. 149 00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,087 - mr. Muggs didn't Choose skiing. 150 00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,289 Skiing chose mr. Muggs. 151 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,257 - [yowling] 152 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,691 - always nice to hear From those pet-o-philes. 153 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,861 - hoo-hoo, they really hate it When you call them that. 154 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:09,762 - and they're off! 155 00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,130 - you've really gotta Question the wisdom 156 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,833 Of sending all the racers Down the hill at once. 157 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:18,037 - you sure do... If you're a communist, maybe! 158 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,071 - [yowl] 159 00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,072 - part of being colorblind 160 00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:23,943 Is not being able to see Those red warning flags. 161 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,645 - oh, there goes flopsy. 162 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:29,448 He won the canadian nationals Earlier this year. 163 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,951 - oh, canada! 164 00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,623 - oh, the agony of defeat. 165 00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:47,133 - it's mr. Muggs! Mr. Muggs is leading the pack. 166 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,872 Mr. Muggs wins it! 167 00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:57,143 - what a great day For animal sports. 168 00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:03,015 - ooh! 169 00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,150 [moaning and groaning] 170 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,351 - gross. Eww. 171 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,421 - we now return to "Behind the music presents... 172 00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:09,522 Electric mayhem." 173 00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,959 Times were good for dr. Teeth And his electric mayhem. 174 00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:16,462 The band landed a steady gig With the muppet theater 175 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,064 And the pay was reliable. 176 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,900 But the good times Were not to last. 177 00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,602 After a 5 year run, 178 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,203 Electric mayhem Got the pink slip 179 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,639 That would change Their lives forever. 180 00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,942 - "The muppet show" was A good gig while it lasted. 181 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,378 Got a lot of tail with That kind of exposure. 182 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:35,381 I even got to sleep with josie Of the pussycats, 183 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,582 Back when that meant something. 184 00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:39,885 But kermit just couldn't keep up The rent on the theater, 185 00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:43,655 And well, the mob shut us down. 186 00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:45,758 - with their steady paycheck Suddenly gone, 187 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,460 The band did what they could-- 188 00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:49,695 Kids' parties, bar mitzvahs, 189 00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:52,031 And even offering children Piano lessons. 190 00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:55,468 - oh, holy [bleep]. You make me wanna pee myself. 191 00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:56,602 That was terrible. 192 00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:59,338 - the band's woes weren't Limited to financial trouble. 193 00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,974 - come on, tommy lee's Rich, good-looking. 194 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,142 Couldn't have been that bad. 195 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,145 - like, he gave Me hepatitis "C". 196 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,115 I only have 5 years to live. 197 00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:10,182 - are you gonna show me Those boobs? 198 00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:12,385 - [bleep] You, howard. I'm dying! 199 00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:14,420 - the band pinned Their comeback hopes 200 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:15,888 On their "Star search" special. 201 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,324 But no one could foresee The consequences 202 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,060 For the band's Most beloved member. 203 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,995 - oh, ho ho. Did you see that? 204 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:27,633 The drummer looks like An epileptic rag doll. 205 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:28,701 Ho ho ho! 206 00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:29,402 - aah! 207 00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:30,770 - get off me! Ha ha ho! 208 00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:31,837 Help! Where's johnny? 209 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,540 - after a long history Of behavior problems, 210 00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:38,110 The on-air attack of ed mcmahon Was the last straw. 211 00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:41,280 The court's ruled that The band's drummer animal 212 00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,648 Be put down. 213 00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:48,521 - aah! Aah! Rah. Rah. Rah. 214 00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:51,790 - oh, no! Oh, no! 215 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:54,593 - a reunion? Now? No. 216 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:55,861 Not happening, brother. 217 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,430 Check it, my man. 218 00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:58,531 Animal's dead. 219 00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:01,534 And zoot? I haven't zoot in years. 220 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,202 Not since he was Picked up in tokyo 221 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,105 With 37 pounds of hash In his bag. 222 00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:09,008 - today, electric mayhem Is no more. 223 00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:13,279 For these aged rockers, There are no regrets. 224 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,447 - hey, that's life, man. 225 00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:16,048 It took me this long To realize 226 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,883 That fame Isn't what's important. 227 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,253 It's good friends And good health. 228 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,456 - [cough cough] 229 00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:30,329 Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group 230 00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:34,200 Captioned by the national Captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org-- 231 00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:36,969 [chickens clucking] 232 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:45,945 [monkey chattering] 233 00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:48,647 - stupid monkey. 16157

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