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1
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:08,241
[laughing]
2
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:10,844
[whirring]
3
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:17,517
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
4
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,953
- it's alive!
5
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,773
- ha ha ha!
6
00:00:39,839 --> 00:00:40,974
Oh, yeah!
7
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,276
I'm wealthy and successful.
8
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,811
Fantastic!
9
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,079
[buzzer]
10
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,180
- [snorting]
11
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,481
Ready for this?
12
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,183
- you're going down, devil.
13
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:53,052
- seacrest, out.
14
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:04,931
- ha ha ha!
15
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:05,799
- ha ha ha.
16
00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:07,767
You gotta love being
A stay-at-home dad.
17
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,136
But some days are tougher
Than others.
18
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:11,204
- don't worry, dad.
19
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,039
Senor clean is on the job.
20
00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:15,942
- ♪ senor clean, senor clean ♪
21
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:18,745
- need a little help?
22
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,615
- thanks, senor clean!
23
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:26,419
- oh, no.
I no finished yet.
24
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,253
- ha ha. What?
25
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,722
- go see a movie, kids.
26
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:31,357
- yay!
27
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,725
- my wife will be home soon.
28
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:36,229
- now with her brake lines cut,
She won't!
29
00:01:36,295 --> 00:01:39,232
- ♪ senor clean gets it done ♪
30
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,936
- sometimes with my penis!
31
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:46,439
- seacrest, out!
32
00:01:47,473 --> 00:01:49,275
- aah!
33
00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:51,444
Hmm.
34
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,587
- well, it is
Scientifically possible
35
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:04,390
To fly a crew of men to
The asteroid and destroy it,
36
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,525
Saving our planet.
37
00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:09,863
However, it will cost
80,000 trillion dollars.
38
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:12,765
- sir, is that a made-up number?
39
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:13,466
- yes.
40
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,802
- [reporters clamoring]
41
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:18,704
- the fine citizens
Of this country
42
00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:21,608
Are reluctant to support
Another tax increase.
43
00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:27,614
Therefore, congress is america
To vote on who goes into space.
44
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,283
- don't we have
Highly trained astronauts?
45
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:33,152
- oh, that's something
Of a myth.
46
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,153
- and how can people vote?
47
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,356
- they can call
Our special 800 number.
48
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,691
You can vote as many times
As you like.
49
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,094
But each call costs you $30,000.
50
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,529
Kids, get your
Parents' permission.
51
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:45,598
- as your leader, I would be
Honored if america selected me
52
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:49,102
To lead a dangerous suicide
Mission into outer space.
53
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:52,505
But this letter from my daddy
Says I don't got to go.
54
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,607
♪ na na na na na ♪
55
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,843
Zoom, zoom, zoom!
56
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,045
Zoom, zoom, zoom!
57
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,280
- the results are in.
58
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,616
And the men americans
Have chosen to lead
The meteor mission
59
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,684
Is harrison ford.
60
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:07,787
Ford has starred in more
Top-grossing motion pictures
61
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,888
Than any other actor alive.
62
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:13,059
And now the fate of the world
Is in his capable hands.
63
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:16,462
- listen, I'm 62-years-old.
64
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:17,329
I'm just an actor.
65
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,232
You people are all insane.
66
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:20,667
- go get him, hans solo!
67
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,569
- I'd like to meet
The team of engineers
68
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,404
Who will accompany me
On this mission.
69
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,806
- actually, the remaining
5 spots on the flight
70
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,975
Will by filled by aerosmith.
71
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,111
We need a cool theme song
For this mission.
72
00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:34,147
- I'm ready to rock!
73
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,248
[retch]
74
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:38,117
- my god. Did you just get off
The centrifuge trainer?
75
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:42,055
- no, I just shot smack
Into both my eyeballs.
76
00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:43,489
Yow!
77
00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:44,390
- that's terrible!
78
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:47,260
Aw, steven tyler's
Been clean for years.
79
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,495
I have to write an angry letter.
80
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,264
"Dear assfaces..."
81
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,399
- ladies and gentlemen,
I gathered you here today
82
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:58,204
To volunteer my services
To go blow up that meteor.
83
00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,305
I mean, come on,
84
00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,874
I blew up the frigging
Death star with my eyes closed.
85
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,309
Ha. No problem.
86
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:05,678
- that was just a movie, dude.
87
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:12,852
- 4, 3, 2, 1, 0.
Liftoff.
88
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:13,853
Liftoff.
89
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,423
- yeah! [retching]
90
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,226
- all right,
This is it, people.
91
00:04:21,293 --> 00:04:23,529
We've gotta make a perfect
3 point landing
92
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:24,864
On the surface of
A chunk of rock
93
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,300
Traveling 14,000
Kilometers an hour
94
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,968
And use our positioning software
95
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,737
To determine the exact locations
96
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,305
In which to detonate
Our charges,
97
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,040
Fracturing the meteorite
Into small enough pieces
98
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,176
That will burn up harmlessly
In the earth's atmosphere.
99
00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,912
Then we gotta turn
This puppy around
100
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:41,581
And get home in one piece.
101
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,049
Can we do this?
102
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,050
- yeah!
103
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,551
- are you with me?
104
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,753
- yeah!
105
00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:52,091
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
106
00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:55,294
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
107
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,562
- [bleep]
108
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,430
- [bleep]
109
00:04:57,497 --> 00:05:00,967
- now, that sucks donkey dung.
110
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,460
- gotta lay low for a while.
111
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:30,296
Ah, this looks
Like a good spot.
112
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:33,099
Once I get my body back
And reverse the gypsy curse,
113
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,068
Or whatever the hell
My origin is,
114
00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:38,805
I won't be hanging out
In any lettuce patches.
115
00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:40,940
Ha ha ha ha ha!
116
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,108
Huh? Who's there?
117
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,343
Come and get some!
118
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,451
What are you?
119
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,585
Zombies?
120
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,220
- we have no souls.
121
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,221
- we feel no pain.
122
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:58,491
- with your soul,
We can finally free ourselves
123
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,860
From this wretched
Lettuce patch.
124
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:02,695
- [moaning and groaning]
125
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:05,164
- soul, gimme your soul.
126
00:06:05,231 --> 00:06:07,233
- ♪ soul ♪
127
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,502
- [moaning]
128
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,705
- aah!
129
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,007
- soul! Soul!
- soul!
130
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:15,675
- aah!
131
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,845
- gimme your soul.
Your soul!
132
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:21,881
- aah!
- aah!
133
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,049
- with their new souls,
134
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,818
Nothing could stop
The lettuce head kids.
135
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,221
That's where I come in.
I'm buffy.
136
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:30,690
I fight evil.
It's what I do.
137
00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:33,626
And that's how season 8
Would've started.
138
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:36,562
- [bleep] No wonder you quit.
139
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:39,732
- give me the boobies!
140
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,202
- seacrest, out.
141
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:46,005
- and welcome to the fourth
Annual winter pet games
142
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,040
Downhill skiing competition.
143
00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:50,376
- let's hear from some
Of those pet owners.
144
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:51,778
- muffin was born to ski.
145
00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:54,847
- this is flopsy's decision,
Not mine.
146
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,315
I couldn't keep him
Off the slope,
147
00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:58,117
Even if I wanted to.
148
00:06:58,183 --> 00:06:58,885
And I don't.
149
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,087
- mr. Muggs didn't
Choose skiing.
150
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,289
Skiing chose mr. Muggs.
151
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,257
- [yowling]
152
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,691
- always nice to hear
From those pet-o-philes.
153
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,861
- hoo-hoo, they really hate it
When you call them that.
154
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:09,762
- and they're off!
155
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,130
- you've really gotta
Question the wisdom
156
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,833
Of sending all the racers
Down the hill at once.
157
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:18,037
- you sure do...
If you're a communist, maybe!
158
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,071
- [yowl]
159
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,072
- part of being colorblind
160
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:23,943
Is not being able to see
Those red warning flags.
161
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,645
- oh, there goes flopsy.
162
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:29,448
He won the canadian nationals
Earlier this year.
163
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,951
- oh, canada!
164
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,623
- oh, the agony of defeat.
165
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:47,133
- it's mr. Muggs!
Mr. Muggs is leading the pack.
166
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,872
Mr. Muggs wins it!
167
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:57,143
- what a great day
For animal sports.
168
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:03,015
- ooh!
169
00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,150
[moaning and groaning]
170
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,351
- gross. Eww.
171
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,421
- we now return to
"Behind the music presents...
172
00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:09,522
Electric mayhem."
173
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,959
Times were good for dr. Teeth
And his electric mayhem.
174
00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:16,462
The band landed a steady gig
With the muppet theater
175
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,064
And the pay was reliable.
176
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:20,900
But the good times
Were not to last.
177
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,602
After a 5 year run,
178
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,203
Electric mayhem
Got the pink slip
179
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,639
That would change
Their lives forever.
180
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,942
- "The muppet show" was
A good gig while it lasted.
181
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,378
Got a lot of tail with
That kind of exposure.
182
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:35,381
I even got to sleep with josie
Of the pussycats,
183
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,582
Back when that meant something.
184
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:39,885
But kermit just couldn't keep up
The rent on the theater,
185
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:43,655
And well, the mob shut us down.
186
00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:45,758
- with their steady paycheck
Suddenly gone,
187
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,460
The band did what they could--
188
00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:49,695
Kids' parties, bar mitzvahs,
189
00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:52,031
And even offering children
Piano lessons.
190
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:55,468
- oh, holy [bleep].
You make me wanna pee myself.
191
00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:56,602
That was terrible.
192
00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:59,338
- the band's woes weren't
Limited to financial trouble.
193
00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,974
- come on, tommy lee's
Rich, good-looking.
194
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,142
Couldn't have been that bad.
195
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,145
- like, he gave
Me hepatitis "C".
196
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,115
I only have 5 years to live.
197
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:10,182
- are you gonna show me
Those boobs?
198
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:12,385
- [bleep] You, howard.
I'm dying!
199
00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:14,420
- the band pinned
Their comeback hopes
200
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:15,888
On their "Star search" special.
201
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,324
But no one could foresee
The consequences
202
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,060
For the band's
Most beloved member.
203
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,995
- oh, ho ho.
Did you see that?
204
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:27,633
The drummer looks like
An epileptic rag doll.
205
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:28,701
Ho ho ho!
206
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:29,402
- aah!
207
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:30,770
- get off me! Ha ha ho!
208
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:31,837
Help! Where's johnny?
209
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,540
- after a long history
Of behavior problems,
210
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:38,110
The on-air attack of ed mcmahon
Was the last straw.
211
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:41,280
The court's ruled that
The band's drummer animal
212
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,648
Be put down.
213
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:48,521
- aah! Aah!
Rah. Rah. Rah.
214
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:51,790
- oh, no! Oh, no!
215
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:54,593
- a reunion? Now? No.
216
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:55,861
Not happening, brother.
217
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,430
Check it, my man.
218
00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:58,531
Animal's dead.
219
00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:01,534
And zoot?
I haven't zoot in years.
220
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,202
Not since he was
Picked up in tokyo
221
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,105
With 37 pounds of hash
In his bag.
222
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:09,008
- today, electric mayhem
Is no more.
223
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:13,279
For these aged rockers,
There are no regrets.
224
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,447
- hey, that's life, man.
225
00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:16,048
It took me this long
To realize
226
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,883
That fame
Isn't what's important.
227
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,253
It's good friends
And good health.
228
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,456
- [cough cough]
229
00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:30,329
Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
230
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:34,200
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
231
00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:36,969
[chickens clucking]
232
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:45,945
[monkey chattering]
233
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:48,647
- stupid monkey.
16157
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