All language subtitles for Deconstructing Karen [2022] [1080p] ENG

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News: Just because I do not

want Critical Race Theory
taught to my children

in school, does not mean that
I am a racist, damn it!

We know he's not a racist
or all the other things

the liberal media
is trying to label him with.

When you look at what happened
in the last refugee

crisis in Europe,
what has changed?

These are not refugees
from Syria.

These are refugees
from Ukraine.

These are Christians,
they are white...

Saira: I cannot remember a time
that I have not woken up

in the middle of the night
in a cold sweat.

People are so unwilling

to have the conversation.

Regina: White women,

you have got to get on board
for humanity

to have any hope.

The only thing that's
going to change this,

is if we change
the cultural DNA.

And the only way
you can change the cultural

DNA is through
personal human interactions.

And we know that
breaking bread with people

is the best way to do that.

[glass clinking]

So I want a show of hands

of everyone at this table
who is racist.

I must confess

that over the past few years,
I have been gravely

disappointed
with the white moderate

who is more devoted
to order than to justice.

I have been in this work
for a very long time.

I marched in the sixties.

I have worked on
presidential campaigns.

And what I know
is that Race2Dinner

allows us to have radically
honest conversations.

[laughing]
'You hurt my feelings.'

The market we have identified
is white women

who call themselves liberal
or progressive or Democrat

to not only change themselves
but begin to change

their children.

Their families, their
coworkers, their friends.

The foot of white supremacy
and patriarchy

is firmly on their necks
just like it's on ours.

Should text it to you?
Yeah, you can text it to me.

I know it sounds bizarre, but
I used to be a white feminist

a white woman trapped
in a brown body.

And then I woke up

and I started doing
anti-racism work.

So when I first started
talking about racism,

I think the thing that
I was totally unprepared for

was when, you know,

you just talk about
white people,

you say the words
white people,

and those white people
want to come and kill you.

Even if it means
one white woman at a time.

I'm going to keep going.

We're going to face time her.

Good thing I put on my face.

She put on her face for you.

Nothing like a face.

Okay, let's do this.

That's all right.

Can I just say one thing
that we were laughing about,

which you know...white women
being late is classic

and 'kisses'.

Got a lot of people

coming in...

Okay, okay.

Every white woman
that we can get down

this road actually has
tremendous ability

to start turning their own
networks, which are huge.

Okay, so here's--
Okay. Okay.

Are you ready?

Regina: Potential deals?

She's so dramatic
she's worse than me!

Saira: Holy shit. Look at this.

Oh my God... [laughter]

Genevieve:
Like how many dinners...?

Regina:
Well, what we're looking at

let me tell you, Genevieve,
is licensing the business,

as in franchising.

Well, that's
what women are asking for.

So that's what...
women of color are asking.

And so that's what we will
be working on tomorrow.

And then we'll be meeting
with Christal

So on that, I'll add that.

Genevieve, you would
fit so good into my family.

We all are so loud.

And there's nine of us

and my daughter will go,
'Mom, you guys scare me.

Everybody's talking
and nobody's listening!'

I've never heard that before.

I've been following Saira on
social media for a long time.

I wanted to be Saira's friend.

She's so triggering,
and it's so good.

It's so needed.

We had the dinner at my house.

I wanted to, like,
graduate and be like,

I have my certificate,
and I, like, survived a dinner

with Race2Dinner, and,
like, here's my certificate.

And now I'm like, super woke,

which is all white supremacy.

Like,
every single bit of that,

every single bit of that is
all totally white supremacy.

I want to do a Boomerang
with the three of us.

Okay.

What is a boomerang?

you're gonna love it.

Let's do it right now.

There's no noise
it's just movement.

Hilarious!
the Energizer bunny.

I'm one of the Beckys.

I'm somewhere.
And here's the thing.

I don't know
what kind of Becky I am,

but I'm pretty sure that
my black and brown friends

know exactly
what kind of Becky I am.

Before we go any further,

what is a Becky or a Karen?

In general

It's a pejorative term,

mostly used for describing
an entitled white woman.

The worst of the Karens

use their societal privilege

to oppress people of color,
most commonly

calling a manager
or worse, calling the cops.

There is an
African-American man

I am in Central Park.
He is recording me,

and threatening myself
and my dog.

Please send the cops!

Illegally selling water
without a permit

On my property.
It's not your property.

I'm asking you
if this is your property.

You're accusing me
of a crime, correct?

I am not a racist person.

But you know what?
You need to go home.

You don't know what a signal is?
Guess what, even in China

they have signal lights!

I hear you have a problem
with these gentlemen

having a barbecue
here at the lake.

Why are you taking the posters
down?

Because of all lives matter.

She is crazy.

You're crazy.

Where is their safety?

There is no safety.

I would kill a ...

but the law says
I can't kill the ...

La la la, I love you too.

You fucking bitch.

Get out of here, man.
I'm going to call 911.

I'm sorry I can't hear you,

I am being threatened
by a man in the ramble!

please send the cops
immediately!

Go on your reservation!

Nasty Mexican dog!
Nasty Mexican dog!

I don't care about
your Facebook or your video.

I play games
where you get fucked to death.

The term has been criticized
for being sexist,

but what is more Karen-like
behavior than being furious

for being called a Karen?

Either way,

there is one good thing
that the term has produced

for white women
it has raised awareness

about the intersection
of race and gender

and how that plays out
in this society.

Every single day.

Race, it's an urgent issue,
although it's

one of those issues,
that,

is anybody ever going
to come to the same place?

I feel like
I get discriminated against

on a lot of different fronts.

Maybe because I'm a female,

maybe because
I'm a blonde female.

maybe because I drive
a truck.

Being white in Denver is
almost harder sometimes, because

it's the white picket fence
that we're all from

and we have everything
given to us.

And so sometimes
I feel like it's opposite.

Hello!

Hi how are you!

I'm Saira.
I'm Michele.

Regina.
Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you.

Thank you all.

Thank you for being here
this evening.

We want to have a conversation
that we believe is

very important

and one of the reasons
why the United States

can't really move forward

is because we can never have
the conversation about race.

My name is Saira Rao.

thank you
all so much for coming.

Like Regina said,
we have this elephant in

the room
that's killing us all.

White supremacy and racism

is bad for everyone,
including white people.

I think we have a window right
now, and you all are the key.

White women are the key.

You have more power
than you'll ever know.

In this time and place

If you all can join us
and join our sisterhood,

the world changes.

That's why I'm here, because

it all starts
with conversation.

So thank you

sincerely for being here,
because

it's not an easy conversation.

And you didn't have to be
here. You chose to be here.

I'd love if everyone
could just go around the table

and briefly
introduce yourselves, say

a little bit about yourselves
and why you're here.

I have two young children,

and it's important for me
that they grow up

colorblind, right?

I'm an artist, and a
barista

and I learned about this
through Saira's Facebook

the reason I'm here
is because

I always thought of myself
as being kind of woke.

I mean, you know,
my best friend is Mexican.

My partner is Bi-Racial.

We have these conversations
all the time.

But then following your posts
and interacting on your

posts, I realize

I'm not doing that great.

I feel like there's a racist

white man living in my brain
and it's my dad's voice.

I'm a descendant
of slave traders

who believes very strongly
in telling ugly history.

It's an honor to be here,
and I'm willing and wanting

to get uncomfortable

because I think that's
what we need to do.

Thanks Holly.
Absolutely right.

I am half-Mexican, half-white,

and my family is every shade
under the sun in it.

And so for me, race
has never really been a thing?

Hi, Hazel.

I do believe that this is such
an important conversation,

especially because I do have
two children

that are young that it's on us
to do better, to do more.

My kids are biracial,
so my husband is Hispanic

and white.
And I don't see color.

I don't see so how she said
I'm blinded to color.

Like it doesn't
faze me at all.

We all
when we bleed, we bleed red.

I'm here
tonight because I'm confused.

I watched my son

feel victimized.

He felt that
because he was a white male,

that he was a victim
of reverse racism.

We're all human

We all have a light

a heart shining within us
that needs to be seen.

We all need to be
a little bit better

and just recognize the love
in each and every one of us.

Every single dinner
without fail.

We've got like the woke wars.

And so it really is
this like being wedded

to how not racist you are,
but it's a start.

It's a start.

And you've got to start
somewhere.

One of the things we know

is that you cannot change
what you don't acknowledge.

So we're here to help you
acknowledge some things

and to try and work
on changing some things.

So I've heard this
a couple of times already

colorblind
and you don't see color,

and I'm just going
to drop the bomb here.

That's white supremacy.

Colorblindness
is white supremacy.

You even said, I don't see
the color of anyone's skin

because when we cut ourselves
open, we all bleed red.

So you acknowledge
that you see the red.

How can you not see
the color of our skin?

Because to me, I mean,
I have my husband's Hispanic.

I've dated every race.
It doesn't...

I see inside.

I see your love,
your morals, your values.

I see what we have in common.

Like my husband, we enjoy
doing things together.

Like the different things
I don't see...

Maybe like your experience

in the world
is different than theirs?

You walk through the world

with a different experience
because you are a white woman.

What is the number one

thing that white women feel

the desperate need to be, over
and above everything else?

Nice.

White women feel the
desperate need to be nice.

It's white women's niceness
that is killing us all.

And so what does nice mean
for white women?

It means smiling.

It means being polite.

It means not calling out

oppression when it happens.

When you say you're
colorblind, you erase us.

Marni: You're not being
defensive as well?

I don't understand.

We're all women, I mean...

We are sharing
our truth!

And I'm sharing
my truth too!

I mean, that to me is
I mean, to me is...

We need to educate
ourselves so much

because we have no idea.

Is that what this conversation
is about, some education?

You know, change requires
pain.

Most people will not change
until they have

what I call
a significant emotional event.

And I also want to lay
a couple of other things down.

You mentioned it

and you've mentioned it
being married

to a black person or brown
person, having brown or black

children does not make you
impervious to racism.

You cannot,

frankly,

fuck your way out of racism.

Let me ask you a question.

How many of you would trade

places with a black person
in this society?

Raise your hand.

I don't know the answer
to that.

Well, it's yes or no.

How many of you would do it?

I mean, I dated a Hispanic,
very dark-skinned...

No, no, I'm not talking about
Hispanic.

The question is -

But I was gonna have children,
so I spent many years thinking

of myself as having very
dark-skinned children.

Question is,

how many of you would be
willing to trade places

in this society
with a black person?

I think I would.
Absolutely.

Absolutely.
Okay.

I'm not saying
there's not racism.

Absolutely not.

It's to say I don't see it.

Yeah, but you know, how racist
this country is -

Not to the degree that you do.

Oh, no. You will never know.

You know, in this country,

we created the criminalization
of black people.

And when your skin

is seen as a weapon,
you're never unarmed.

And that's why black boys
and men and women are dying

in the street
with their hands up

I was born in 1950,
and everything was

in black and white.

I am myself now almost 70,
four generations out of slavery.

And that should tell you
something.

I am a mother.

I have two adult children.

I have four grandchildren.

Eleven siblings.

And each of them has children.

So this work is so important
to me.

The more you think about white
privilege and racism,

the more you get

why white people
don't want to talk about it.

They just want to be in
denial, denial, denial.

I don't think
as a black person,

I have the luxury

of sitting around
and doing nothing

because the lives
of my grandchildren

and my children depend on me
being active in this space.

We have to be in this because
our life depends on it.

We have one rule, and that
is if you're going to cry,

leave the table
and go into the living room.

It's right there.

And there's some Kleenex
and whatever you need.

Does anybody know why
we would have that rule?

Because this is about
white supremacy.

And not our personal
feelings, right?

Mm hmm.

And when a white woman starts
crying, what happens.

All the attention
goes to her?

Yeah, all the attention.

So that's
the only rule that we have.

Does anyone want to cry
right now?

No? Okay. All right.

So I want to show of hands
of everyone at this table

who is racist.

No, you gotta go.
Sorry, sis.

So I saw
a couple of people surprised

that I raised my hand.
When I said that I was racist,

I'm racist
against black people.

So it's institutional.

Indians are institutionally
racist against black people.

The only person at this table
that cannot be

institutionally racist
against anybody is who?

Regina.

White supremacy is

what keeps Americans from
having these conversations

about race.

And I think it was the great

Frederick Douglass
who said,

'Power cedes nothing.

It never has
and it never will.'

So what that means
for us is white

men are not going to
give up their power.

So that means
we have to take it.

Deconstructing
Karen is dismantling

your own white supremacy.

And deconstructing that for me
was actually like

removing the toxin
from my body

where I could start
acknowledging

all of the poison
that I've been swallowing

and believing.
It's deprogramming yourself.

The only way I can

say this, is
I feel like I had to

break myself and shatter
into so many pieces,

and I'm slowly
putting myself together.

It has made me have to unlearn

everything

It is deconstructing

all of the harm
that has been caused to me

and all the harm
that I have caused.

And it is painful as fuck.

My parents were Indian
immigrants.

They'd come over after

the Immigration Act of 1965
and at that time in Richmond

there were black people
and there were white people.

But there was really nobody
who looked like me.

Growing up in Richmond,
Virginia

we were always taught
as Indian kids to assimilate

and it was made very clear
we were assimilating

to white culture,
not black culture.

The first time I felt
'other' was in the fourth grade

and we'll call this boy, Evan.

Evan asked me to go with him

I'm not really sure
where we're supposed to go,

but people used to go together
at that time,

and I was super psyched

you know, I was the only
nonwhite kid in my class.

I couldn't believe that
this was happening.

He was very popular.

The next day, he said,
Meet me in the library.

And I was like, My God,

Evan's bringing me
a Rubik's Cube

or Skittles or something.

And we go into the library,
and he says to me, Saira,

I'm really sorry.
I can't go with you.

My mom says that I can't go
with black girls.

I remember going home,

going outside to the front
yard, and I found a big rock,

and I just started
rubbing my skin,

trying to take
the brown off of my skin

until I bled.

My mother came home from work
that day, and I was sitting

on the front stoop,
and I just looked at her

and I said, You
you did this to me.

You made me look like this.

My mother

was a doctor at
the Veteran's Administration,

and she wore her sari to work
every day in the seventies

and the eighties and the
nineties in Richmond, Virginia.

And sometimes she'd come
home from work

and talk about
how some of the patients

would call her
the N-word or Paki

or she smells bad,
and they're not going to let

someone like her check them.

And she would say, Okay, well,
the next time

you can see a white guy,
you're gonna be dead.

So you know, bend over
and I'll give you a rectal exam

and then she had to actually
give these people rectal exams.

Think about how humiliating
that was for her.

I loved my mother
more than I could

possibly love
anyone on the planet.

And I said to her, please stop
wearing the sari,

wear normal clothes.

And she just smiled
and shrugged

and the next day

she put the sari right back on
and went back to work.

People are complicated.

As much as my mom

wanted us to be white,
frankly,

she was totally unwilling
to give up herself in many

respects for white culture.

Once it became very clear to me

that we were not supposed
to bring this up to her

I remained silent. In order
to survive, be successful

I decided I was going to do
everything in my power

to A, fit in and as a result,
make her proud

and make her believe
that the choices that

she made
to leave her entire family

in India behind
had to be worthwhile.

A hundred percent.

Racism
is the elephant in every room

in America, in white America.

And frankly, in my experience,

and in the Indian-American
community as well,

nobody wants to talk about it.

My sister
and I didn't talk about it.

No one in my family
talked about it.

If you don't talk about
it, maybe it'll just go away.

I think news we could
all agree makes things worse

than when we were younger
and our age, right?

No that's not true, how
does news make things worse?

Because like when I was younger
and the things that were

that were shown were not shown
when I was younger.

I feel like
it's more rampant now.

People have a free pass
to just go

and be their white supremacist
self on display

because there's a free pass
for it in my opinion.

I mean, given
our current political climate

and the leader of our country...

When I was in Charleston,
South Carolina

last summer
and I get into my Lyft,

and the guy turned around

and looked at me
and he said, lady,

he goes, I hate
to have to say this to you,

but if I get pulled over,

you're just
another black woman

he's black, and he said,
put your hands up.

Do as they say.

Do not make any trouble.

Michele: He actually told
you that?

Yeah, of course.

Of course.

To protect him?
And to protect me.

That's the life he lives.
That's his reality.

But that's insane.

That's his reality

whether it's insane or not!

No I'm not saying he's insane.
I'm saying -

I get it.

But what we're saying is,
this is America.

I want to ask
also to stop acting shocked.

So part of white feminism
is acting so surprised

when we tell you -
Marni: But it is!

Why are you telling us not
to act the way that we act?

It is surprising.

Because that upholds
white supremacy.

So what I'm saying,
I'm asking all of you,

that when we express to you
and I'm not just

talking about Regina and I,
because

when this dinner is over, like
this is a blip, right?

You go back into the world,

and when people of color trust
you enough to tell you

their story, believe us
without expressing shock.

Because when you express shock

it pushes
you away from the blame.

That makes me very angry
because I don't look at that.

I was born in 1950, you know
what I expect of white women?

Not a damn thing. Nothing.

I expect nothing of you
because you have never

given me anything.

I can't trust you.

Okay?

But how can we come together
when you say something like,

I will never trust
a white woman?

If we had a really
heart-to-heart talk,

you said you would
never trust me?

Well, I would have to see.

Out of all your years in life,

you've never trusted
a white woman.

Well, let me put it this way.

The ones I have trusted
have come back

to disappoint me.

That's sad.

It's interesting to me
that Marni, that you're

when Regina
is talking about her feelings

and how she doesn't trust

white women,
instead of saying, my God.

Well like, why? Like,
what about me?

That's what
you said, would you trust me?

What if we had a
heart-to-heart conversation?

Why are your feelings so hurt?

From both of you, though

has been, about

like a hate against us.

It's been very aggressive.

That really hurts me
that somebody would not

But why are your feelings more
important than the reality

of the violence of our lives?

Imagine if your husband beat you
and you confront him.

Would you go
and massage his back

while you're confronting him?

Or would you actually

be really angry and hurt
that he's been beating you?

But that's
where we come to

when you've been
a victim of abuse.

And white women have abused us
our whole lives.

Why do we have to hold
your hand?

Can't we just tell you, hey,
you guys have hurt us!

This is what you've done.

Now make it right!

I know, Saira.

And when she says
she doesn't trust white women,

and I consider her

a friend of mine,

I also understand
why she doesn't trust me.

I don't take that personally.

Marni: I'm asking a question
on what could you do?

Because as a white woman,
I mean -

We have a lot of work to do.

We have so much work to do.
And so I don't

I don't take it personally
because I understand that like

That is her life.

But to say, you're her friend,
but she doesn't trust you.

It's also a hard thing
for me to accept, to say

this is my friend but she -

But also, why on earth
is it about you?!

The fact and also
I want to come back to

why would you say that
we're spewing hate?

We're telling you
what it's like to be us.

But you know everybody,
you don't have to look

at my color of my skin saying
I'm white, to not trust me.

Why don't you look past that
I'm white

and say she's
a good person?

Her entire life, we've never
given her a reason to trust us.

Everything is not...

[crosstalk]

Not every white person
is bad!

I think that part of what...

Regina: I have this
discussion with people

that I know, friends

lawyers, everybody,
and they'll say, well, Regina,

you know, there are some good
white people.

And I go, well,

what have the good white

people been doing
for the last 450 years?

What have you been doing?

Obviously, it's not enough
because nothing has changed.

When you're in discussions
with white people

about racism,
they like to say, well, MLK

changed the world.

And he did it
with nonviolence.

And my question to
them is, well,

if he changed the world,
why are we still here?

50 plus years after his death?

I just want you to get clear.

We're trying to tell you
what it's like.

People's feelings are hurt.

We're spewing hate.

So we are trying to
to tell you.

And the first thing
that a lot of you

at this table have done
has been this.

And I want you to
sit with that.

I just want you to sit
with that.

That's all.

Thank you.

Have a great day.

Bye.

I have a phone call coming up
with my Westchester people.

We have two hosts
in Westchester

and again,

you know,
if it's if it's out of town,

they're they're doing
a lot more fundraising.

So it's it's that much more.

Now they have to go
and they have to

not only tell friends
and family

and people in their network
like...sweetheart...

Yeah. Yeah, we do. Okay.

Can I have some space right
now? Thanks bud.

For me?

Yeah. Oh, thank you.

That's so nice.

Sharing is caring.

We have a host that was like,

you know, Genevieve,

this is really important
to me, and -

Hey! that's one of Desmond's
paper people.

Drop it.

Sorry, buddy. Here
ya go. This is...

This is like, all day long,
losing my train of thought.

Here they are.

Hey, is this Shannon
and Diana?

Yay!

So I love hearing all the work
that you're doing.

And I mean, you said 100
people showed up to that

first meeting.
How many are, like, still...

Saira: I like Genevieve a lot.

I think that she's
extremely endearing

and kind and really
wants to do good.

We need a white woman
in that position

because white women

have to hear this from other
white women.

And I'm from New York,
and I can tell you

from personal experience
that we need it in New York.

Saira: We're not credible
in some ways

until, frankly,
we get in the room

and we have some time
to work with these women

but before the dinners

white women respond
much better

to other white women
than they would with us.

And that, in a nutshell,
is white supremacy.

All right well thank you
both so much.

I really appreciate it.
And we will...

You're going
to hear from me very soon.

What else happened today baby?

We had tech class.

Oh!

Is that
where you emailed me from?

Yeah. We were using

they taught us how to delete
all the spam emails.

Have you also figured out
how to delete all the other

20 email addresses
you've created?

Yep. Really?

Yep. Have you done that?

Not yet. I figured...

Let's do that next.

Okay, so we're having
a vegetarian meal.

Why don't you put him to work.

Can you

have you used a bigger knife
before? Yep. No.

He looks like he's in control.

Saira: And then the next thing
you have is a finger that...

Well, we'll work through it.

We'll work with a
cut off finger.

Cheers!

Cheers.

You know,
when we were at some dinner

and my dad asked,

you know, who is
an inspiration in your life?

And Eliana said, You!

Did you!

That really
makes me feel good.

Thank you.

It's because you're
super brave and you like

speak out against
what's wrong.

So that's cool.

That's, oh, my God.

Thank you.

That's why we do what we do.

Yeah.

Thank you, Eliana.

Yeah you just tell
the truth, right?

That's a good lesson in life.

Always tell the truth.
And be brave.

This just became the best thing
that happened to me in 2020.

How many times have you

guys had a conversation

directly about race in school
or with your friends?

Never. Not really.

Once on Martin Luther King Day

but all we talked about the
I Have a Dream speech.

My friend's little sister

is being bullied
for being Jewish, and she

got a note saying
to kill herself.

And, like, the school is not
really doing anything about it.

She said that
she didn't believe in

Santa Claus
because she was Jewish.

And then a bunch of people,
held her down and

Saira: Oh, my God

And beat her up, and there
was one or two kids who

tried to help her but there
wasn't much they could do.

And that's the thing.

It's the silence of the
the masses that...you know.

Yeah.

In Spanish class,
an anonymous person

said that I should leave the
school for being brown.

And every single person

at the table and the table
behind us heard.

And they just went back
to writing.

We all get lumped
together, right?

Yeah.

Growing up, this happened
all the time.

And I told my parents
one time, my mom,

and basically
she was like, just

stop.

Like, this is the way it is.

And so I never said
anything again.

And that's what part of the

I felt like I deserved it.

This is
this is just part and parcel.

And so it felt like a little bit

of a victory to me
that he at least told me.

He felt unsafe.

He felt unsafe at the school.

It's a lot for
kids to deal with.

I'm very sorry, baby.

I am too.

It's OK.

Do we have a white person ban
in this country right now?

Do we have a white woman ban
in this country right now?

Do we have a Christian ban
in this country right now?

Do we have a Jewish ban
in this country?

What ban do we have
in this country right now?

Muslim.

We have a Muslim ban
in this country.

And it makes sense
with what happened with my son

because the day before he got
in the fight with a friend

who was not a friend
but was Muslim,

the day before,

I guess on the Internet,
it was Kill the Muslims Day.

Oh, my God. That's a thing?

He didn't know about it.

I didn't know about,
but the school knew about.

So then when he got
into a fight with a

with a boy in his class
who's Muslim, that apparently

had been going on for years.

Of course, then my son,
it makes sense.

The school
would be hypersensitive

but as a mother, how
do I explain that to my son?

Like, I don't know what
is the right thing to say.

So I'll tell you what,
that's your privilege.

And you're acknowledging it.

To say I don't know how to

talk to my son.

He experienced in his mind
and in my mind,

he absolutely didn't.

He experienced
a tiny little fraction,

my little eight year old boy,

who's the sweetest
little boy on the planet.

His first week of school
in the second grade,

a little white girl told him,
Your skin is disgusting.

You don't belong
in this school.

How can we help our kids?

How can we change it
like we have young children.

What would you say?

What do we do as parents
with young children?

How do we change this
to not...

Acknowledging your racism
and your white privilege

and having a conversation
with your kids

from the time that they were
little, and in step one,

truly, and it seems easy,
but right now

we're seeing that it's
not, is not getting fragile.

And by fragile, not getting
angry, not getting defensive,

not getting upset
and believing us.

Like, please,

whatever you do
when you leave here,

do not teach your kids to be
colorblind.

Do not talk about
colorblindness.

Don't say that,

that I don't see
the color of your skin.

And we cut ourselves
open, it's bleeding red.

The thing
that really needs to happen,

frankly, is white
women need to come together.

You guys need to come together
because until

and unless you come together,
there's no hope for us.

And right now,
what's happening is

white Democratic women
are attacking

white Republican women
and vice versa.

And you both are taking

the moral high ground,
and you're all the same.

I knew! I knew that
Donald Trump was going to win.

The minute he started
talking about Mexican rapists,

I knew that was going to be
a benefit, not a detriment.

They're bringing drugs.

They're bringing crime.

They're rapists.

They want to change your
religion. I don't think so.

Not going to happen.

I am the least racist person
in this room.

Are you racist?

I am the least racist person
that you have ever met!

President Trump
is not backing away

from his stunningly racist
attack

on a group of minority members
of Congress.

Instead,
he's trying to defend it.

They're not happy here.
They can leave.

Why do we want these people
from, quote,

all these shithole countries
here?

What the hell is going on?

But what Donald Trump's
presidency has done for me

has completely

taken the veil off of white
liberals and white Democrats.

And your complicity
in Donald Trump.

Over the next few months

you know, I started
paying a lot more attention.

I typed out an essay.

I'm a brown woman
who's breaking up

with the Democratic Party.

And I just laid out
like I'm done with the party.

Like they don't care.

They don't care
about black people.

They don't care
about marginalized people.

They care about themselves
and being white saviors.

And I put that into words.

The Huffington Post ran it
and it went fully viral.

Dear Democratic Party,
you were the love of my life.

I fell in love early and hard.

I've been the kind
of party loyalist,

the kind of sappy
soapbox-y, cliched devotee

that makes Fox News
moonwalk with glee.

The first vote I ever cast
at 18 was for Bill Clinton.

The last vote I cast
was for his wife, Hillary.

My adoration for Hillary
bordered on mania

In college, I named my ficus
plant after her.

20 years later,
I canvassed, held fundraisers,

even dragged my eight year
old daughter door-to-door.

I loved you so much

I cried each time I voted.

You've been
that kind of mad love to me.

And now I want to break up.

I realize now that the love
has been one sided unrequited.

You've never recognized me
as a brown woman.

You've taken my love,

my money, my tokenism
with nary anything in return.

You married the white woman

and hooked up with me
on the side.

Black Lives Matter is a second
or third thought.

Where's your outrage

over the national epidemic
of police brutality

against Black people?

And for all
you're talking about

dreamers,
there's been little action.

You don't seem to give a crap
about kids of color

who will be kicked
out of this country.

The only country they know.

What if all those
dreamers were white?

I suspect a very different
outcome.

My fellow brown and black
sisters started to notice too.

And then the chatter began,
first in whispered hushes

and then loud and clear,

you are a party
of white feminists,

of white feminism,
the kind of feminism

that focuses on the struggles
of white women.

It was the first time
I'd heard the term most likely

because self awareness is
hard. And I was a brown woman

trapped
in a white feminist world.

But then I woke up and I saw you

with clear eyes
for the very first time.

I know there are
some good ones among you.

But for every Kamala Harris,

Maxine Waters,
or Pramila Jayapal

who are sticking their brown
and black necks out for me,

there are dozens of white
women Democrats

who want me to shut my trap

and just say please
and thank you.

I should be grateful
for scraps

while white women enjoy
a proper marriage with you.

I'm done with all that.

In the meantime,
I'll be on the sidelines,

waiting, watching,
hoping, praying.

You broke my heart

The response was,
Why don't you run for office?

Which is so funny
because it's so privileged.

Like the amount of privilege
it takes to run for office.

But most people can't do that.

If I don't challenge

the status quo,
then I need to shut up.

If I have the privilege
to challenge the status quo

and I don't,
then I need to shut up.

And I said,
I'm running for Congress.

And I just did it.

People call me an
angry brown woman.

Too ambitious, bitchy, bossy,
pushy, shrill, emotional,

abrasive. impatient, nasty.

Why are you running
as a Democrat?

I'm running as a Democrat,

because I think we can take
the party back.

I thought, You know what?

the chances of me winning
are less than slim to none.

But I'm going to mainstream

the topic of white supremacy
within the Democratic Party.

Come hell or high water.

Regina: Saira's campaign
was very unusual

in that the people
who worked on her

campaign
were largely people of color.

The commitment was huge,
and it was very different

from most campaigns.

Those kids in cages
could be your kids.

Those parents could be me.

Those parents could be you.

Let's be clear about this.

Removing
kids from their parents

is dictionary
definition of fascism!

And then I started picking up
a lot of steam.

A lot of steam
by the progressives,

by brown people, by black
people, by white millennials.

By people in tech...

So how many people in this
room voted for Donald Trump?

Okay,
How many people did not vote

for Donald Trump?

The ones of us who did not
vote for Donald Trump.

Do you think you're less
racist than these two?

That's a weird judgment.

At least I'm more aware of my
racism than those two.

That's pretty ignorant.

The reason
these conversations are hard

is we've never had truth
and reconciliation

in this country.

Let's take a step back.

Based on the genocide
of indigenous people,

the enslavement of Africans,
so brown and black

and the Chinese were brought
in to build a railroad.

And then like Asians, like me,
my family was brought in

to deal with science
and by the way,

the Indians left India
because the British committed

genocide in India.

It's literally

whiteness has killed
the brown and black world.

Donald Trump has
not created racism.

Donald Trump
has shown us what it is.

One of the questions
I have is, why is it

that white people think
they're the only Americans,

that they think
they're real Americans,

and the rest of us are like
pretend Americans.

What is that about?

I think I have a little bit
of a problem with the 'We vs I'

I think that
there is the big perpetual

We, right?
We white women for sure.

But I think there's also
we African-Americans

and the 'We were slaves!' Right?

And 'We, these things
happened to us!'

Doesn't happen to everybody,
right?

I mean and you I understand.

And I am I am here -

It happened to all
African-Americans.

It didn't happen to you.

Listen, one of
the things that we know

one of the things -
let me just say,

I have a lot of Native American

history, and I don't -

Science, science -

Time out. Are you saying that
black people,

African-Americans, descendants

of slaves, are taking
advantage of that?

That's not what I am saying.

You just said that you have
a lot of Native American -

- and you don't take advantage
of the government...

You actually know
that more

white people are on welfare
than black people right?

You know that don't you?

Well, I don't know if I...

Well what are you saying?!
I don't understand.

It's a racist statement, when
people are, I feel like

there's a lot of conversation
where I constantly do

feel like it is a 'We
African-American' culture

bad things are happening
to us. Big picture 'We'.

And I do agree that
there is a lot of big picture

We bad things happening -

All the time!

[crosstalk]

At these dinners

we see, white women
behaving badly.

And that bad behavior

looks like denial
of white supremacy.

Denial of racism
and even denial of slavery.

This is nothing new.

This has been
going on for centuries.

Let's go back to 1876

when a former slave owner
named Lucy Forman

Harley said she was assaulted
by two black men

leading to a white
paramilitary mob,

killing as many
as 100 black men

which witnesses later said
was just an excuse

to suppress black voters.

In 1898

Rebecca Latimer Felton who
by the way was a suffragette

and the first female
United States senator,

called for the lynching
of thousands of black men

if it meant protecting
white women.

Her claim sparked a riot
that killed 25 black men.

But of course she's
remembered as a hero,

a progressive icon
for women's rights.

Fast forward to 1908.

Mabel Hallam
claimed a black man raped her.

Black neighborhoods
were burned,

black civilians were shot
and elderly black men

were lynched. And just two weeks
later she admitted she lied.

In 1921 all that Sarah Paige
had to do was scream

and the whole black community
was burnt to the ground,

killing over 300 black people.

This event is known
as the Tulsa Massacre.

In 1931

Victoria Price and
Ruby Bates accused

nine black teenagers of rape.

The Scottsboro Boys
went through years of trials

and jail time only
for one of the girls to admit

she made up the whole thing.

In 1955

Carolyn Bryant said

14 year old Emmett
Till was flirting with her.

We all know the story of
Emmett Till, his brave mother

decided to have an open casket
so that people could see

how he was tortured
and murdered.

Out of nowhere,
this black guy came up

and just opened the door
and jumped in the car.

In 1994 Susan Smith

claimed a black man
kidnaped her kids,

sparking a manhunt
that labeled every black man

in South Carolina
a potential child killer.

It just seems so unfair
somebody could take such,

two beautiful children.

The true story?

Susan Smith killed her
children herself.

In 2009

Bonnie Sweeten claims
she and her daughter

were kidnapped by a black man
so that she could

swindle her boss
and go to Disney World.

A few years later, in 2016,
rookie cop Sherry Hall

claimed she was attacked
by a black gunman

starting a massive manhunt.

But the attack
had never happened.

She staged it
all for attention.

Which brings us
back to 2020.

I'm going to tell them there's

an African-American man
threatening my life.

There is an
African-American man

I am in Central Park

I am being threatened
by a man in the Ramble!

Please send the cops
immediately!

Christian Cooper
was birdwatching.

More white women nonsense.

I guess what we should do
is come up with a date.

Are we waiting on?

We're waiting on a
trademark, right?

That, and money!

Because we need money
to do the software and...

Right. Okay.

You know, I don't think that
we even understand what...

I think it would have to be an
app, right? I think so, too.

That's the only way
we're going to manage.

Yeah. Do you have you don't
have your computer, do you?

I do.

Could you pull it up?

Yes. So.

Oh, my gosh.

So this computer

is fantastic except that

It needs to be plugged in.

What I just want to know is,

are we moving along with
getting dinners set up?

Look, look, let's
take a real step back here.

We have all these black
and brown women

who want to do this
work around the country,

and we don't have money
from white women

to fund software
for them to be able to do it.

So part of our business

model is to actually
get white women

to think about how
they're spending money. Right?

So if you're unwilling
to drop $200 or $100 or $500,

but you're willing to buy
a $5,000 purse

or you're willing to take
a $10,000 trip to Europe,

you know, once a year,
every two years,

three times a year,
whatever it is,

how you spend your money

shows you how you value things

because we live
in a capitalistic society.

And so

when you have white women
patting themselves on the back

and showing you like,

'Me me me pick me,
I'm like the most woke!'

And then you're like,
Okay, it's going to be $250.

And they're like, Woah!

I mean, maybe that's it.

Maybe this, maybe
this isn't a thing.

But we have to keep trying.

And because

ultimately, that
could be the answer.

It could be a social
experiment where it's like -

It failed.

I constantly toy
with shutting it all down.

It's thankless

and you know,
where's the change?

It's thankless
and where is the change?

Why is it that being
called a racist

makes you so upset?

It doesn't make me upset
anymore, but it would have

a while ago.
I needed to understand

what the term means
and look at myself.

And I just I believe that
every white person is racist

because of the system.

And I had to learn
about the system to get that.

But why would it have
bothered you before?

Because
it's such a horrible word,

and I don't want to be
so horrible.

Okay.

In a nutshell,

I don't want to see myself
as being so bad.

I have had to work
so hard on my shitty

self-image to begin with.

Do I wanna add that
one to it? Racist? Oh God.

You know, I'll be blunt.

I've struggled
with liking myself

for most of my
adult life so...

But I don't have
a problem with it now

because I've been practicing
and working on it for a while,

but, a while ago...

And it is work isn't it.
Yeah, it's work.

Sarah, I'm curious
how you feel about,

as I've said more than once
and they've mentioned it too,

is just this idea
or this theory

that every single white person
in this country is racist.

You know, I would say, like,
at the beginning

of the conversation,
it was a little offensive

I think throughout
the conversation

and understanding a little bit

more of my ignorance
and the definition of it.

I feel like I've shifted
a little bit.

I will say that.

I, um...

I don't want to be thought of

of somebody
that doesn't like somebody

because of the color
of their skin.

And to me, that's where

where racism,
the term racism, falls.

And so

I guess learning a little bit
about that, that's

not necessarily what that
definition of racism means

changes it for me
a little bit.

The fear that I have

is that my son goes through
the experience that he did.

I'm not worried about

him...I'm worried about him

becoming the white
supremacist and pushing it

down into the
shadows -

You have the conversation.

So, yes,
I have the conversation -

Over and over and over
and over and over again.

It's the first step,
just like you can't

just like Regina always says,
like,

you can't change
what you don't acknowledge.

And the fact that you're

able to acknowledge
this, is a big deal.

It's not a small deal.

It's a huge deal

because it means you're open
and instead of this.

And if you're open,
then you can actually start

like engaging and
pass it along to your kids.

Hey, Saira come in!

Are you looking forward
to this?

I feel like I'm gonna
throw up.

I honestly think
I'm going to throw up.

I have not really been able
to eat anything.

I'm not even kidding you.

It's not even that bad.

It's gonna be OK.
It's not.

It's going to be okay.

I want to be in fetal
position, but I can't do that

from the dining table.

The last time I was thrown

under the bus by the super
liberal news media,

was when I ran for office
and shortly thereafter.

And I don't know that anything
can compare with that.

That was just awful.

After an incredibly
challenging campaign,

I lost.

A couple weeks after I lost,
I was in the mountains

with my family,

and there is a professor
by the name of George

Yancey, black
guy out of Emory in Atlanta,

and he had written an essay
for The New York Times called

Should I Give Up on
White People?

Yes or no.

Brown and black
people cannot dismantle

white supremacy.
White people do.

That was the gist of his
of his essay.

And so I tweeted it and I said
long and short answer, Yes.

And then
Breitbart picks it up,

and then The Daily
Stormer picks it up

and then the next thing
you know, I'm

getting DM's
that I'm a Muslim cunt.

Pictures of my daughter,
your Muslim cunt daughter

should be drowned
in the Ganges.

And we're going to use

your entire family
as target practice.

over and over

And then they don't stop.

More and more news outlets
pick it up.

The only thing I did was say
that white people

were responsible for
dismantling white supremacy.

And as a result, I deserved
to get death threats.

And if you believe someone
deserves to get death threats,

you think that they
deserve to die.

The moral of the story is:

Shut the fuck up about racism.

And if you don't,
we will come for you.

We will come
for your children.

We will come for your life.

It is a terrible?

No!

How long is it?

It looks like it's
a couple of pages.

Would you like me
to read it out loud?

How are the pictures?
The pictures are great.

Do you want to see them?

Or do you want to just
sit there and be sick.

Okay.

Now see isn't that
a good picture?

Yeah, White women are uniquely
placed to challenge racism

because of their proximity
to power and wealth,

Jackson says. It seems unlikely
anyone would voluntarily

go to a dinner party

in which they'd be asked
one by one

what was a racist thing
you did recently

by two women of color
before appetizers are served.

A lot of people hate Saira Rao!

Jackson recalls her
initial impressions of Rao as

honest and willing to call
a thing a thing.

But even for those
who complain,

something has changed.

Isn't that the good part?

It's good!!

I think my mom
would be extremely

proud of what I'm doing.

Though I think there would be
this tremendous fear

I know that I wouldn't
be doing this,

and I know that I wouldn't
have even woken up brown

if my mom was still alive.

And I think about that
all the time.

I would not be alive right now
in this incarnation

if my mom was still here.

It's a very strange thing.

What we're saying is

you guys need

to pull your heads
out of your asses, acknowledge

your own racism,
make it right.

Stop caping for white dudes.

Join us and let's
overthrow the patriarchy.

But none of that happens
until you acknowledge

your own racism.

But, you know,
we so many of us grow up

learning this wonderful history

and to be proud
of the founding fathers

and this democratic system
and blah, blah, blah, blah.

But it's important that we

learn how we've been programed.

The trance that we're in.

It's a it's a trance.
It really is.

It's it's a programing
that needs to be overcome.

Indeed.

Well who do we want to be?!

Why does it all have to have
labels anyway, though?

And indeed, you know,

I understand you have issues
with a skin color, okay.

But I don't believe
that's our future.

I really don't.
I see it much different.

I understand
it's a struggle for you now.

I get that
and I empathize with that.

But do I love you less because
you're a different color?

Absolutely not.

Do you realize that
everything you're saying

is taking away
everything they just said.

Everything you just said is
such bullshit.

But it is.

It is but it is.
You literally erased

everything
this woman just said.

Like everything.

You want me to
apologize for that?

No. Well, I mean, honestly,
if you're not sorry,

don't apologize.
But at the same time.

Yeah, but it's not.

But you talk about love
and about the future.

She's worried that
her kids are going to die.

So who gives a shit
about feeling love?

We kind of had this
conversation before the dinner

a little bit.

And I got a sense of this

is that you've read
the book, The Secret,

and you think that we can all

get better lives
based on good intentions.

We just gotta be positive
and like, want good

for our lives.

What do you want -

We are telling you,
and you can Google

'police brutality',
Google 'ICE; Mexicans',

you know, Google 'Muslim ban'.
Those are like real things.

We're also anecdotally
telling you things,

and you keep coming back
with this frankly, B.S.

about love being love

and love trumps - like,
what do you mean by that?

What I mean is that
beyond the anger

and the problems
that we are feeling

at the moment,
each and every one of us,

perhaps you two
more at the moment,

that there is something more
to our, our beingness.

And it isn't the flesh.
It isn't.

And beyond that, this is
the evolution of all of us.

I know this.

And I know it sounds weird

for those
who aren't in that world,

but we are transcending this.

We are. Sarai, I -

It's Saira. Saira. Saira.

I really appreciate everything
you're offering.

What I want to hear from
you is what you think

is a solution.

You've talked a lot,
but I haven't heard,

Hey, this is what I want
you ladies to do.

But haven't we said
repeatedly....?

I do want to say.
I do want to say.

I acknowledge.

Yeah, but but wait.
But but what?

But yeah, like,

I just see beyond it -
Can I, can I say one thing?

Sure I'm sorry.
No, no.

I am a liberal white woman.

We are absolutely the most
dangerous women out there.

We are the most
dangerous women that exist

because we want to think
that we are better,

that we are good

and that we're doing
is about love

and that we're going to solve
all the world's issues

because we're going to love
a little more

because we're good
frickin people.

No, we are erasing
their experiences.

We are erasing their lives,

we are erasing
the danger that they're in

because we're trying to color
it, make it frickin pretty.

By calling it love

and I'm sorry,
but that is dangerous.

Like, that is dangerous!

But you have done it
repeatedly.

Does love

save the Mexicans
who are in ICE facilities?

Does love save Trayvon Martin?

Does love save Sandra
Bland, does love save Mustafa

Ayoubi, who was assassinated
in February for doing nothing?

But what does, you know,
you ask us,

What can we do? Seriously?

And we told you
at least ten times -

listen.
What what can we do

to achieve this
love of which you speak?

Hmmm

Well, I think dropping
the resistance is part of it.

And there is resistance.

The resistance to what?

The resistance is holding
you back...

The resistance to what?

What are we resisting?

It feels like a lot.
It feels like a lot.

And so I don't pretend to have
all the answers at all.

You haven't named one thing,
you said it feels like a lot.

She's asked you three times,
what are we resisting?

Name one thing
that we're resisting.

An answer, a solution
that's different

than what you think
it should be?

You literally employ

the spiritual bypassing
to get around

any of the pain
associated with oppression.

I would love to say
love is love.

The next time someone sends me

a note telling me
that they're going

to drown my daughter,
I'm going to be like,

You know what? Downward
Dog it right now,

Love is love.

Love is fucking love.

Seriously.

So we can acknowledge,
I'm going to acknowledge,

that yes, after you said that,
I can acknowledge.

Yes, I see racism in me,
after I've said no,

because of what you women
have said.

We have to understand where
it hurts, where hurts, hurts.

And we can't take away hurt
from other people.

I mean,
and that's where I think

we have to be sympathetic
at one point too.

To add to that
a little bit,

we're not dying
because we're white.

I'm not not allowed to go
somewhere because I'm white.

So I can say love is love
because nobody says,

no you can't!

I think that's the purpose

people are saying
you can't come here.

Even though we were all taught
right in history,

that this was fixed years ago,
it was fixed.

And my

my kids,
I will never know

what my kids even feel like
because they are part Hispanic

and with Hispanic,
I will never know their fear

because I'm not there.

I'll never know that
what they fear.

Do you realize that
in this room,

the Republicans that voted
for Trump

have listened in and
and she changed what she said.

She said, actually, I get it.

And yet you keep saying
love is love.

And that's why I'm saying

white liberal women
are the most dangerous

because we think we're so
good that we can't

be part of the problem.

So I do want to
leave you with this.

There is no, and
I mean this sincerely,

my two little
kids are at home.

My husband's at home. I'm
not doing this for my health.

The reason I am here
is because of love.

So to answer your question
repeatedly,

it is because of love.

The work
that I do is because of love.

Everything I do
is because of love.

And by showing you

my pain,
I have opened myself up

so greatly to take more
and more and more abuse.

And why?

Because I actually
believe in you.

Sincerely, at the
bottom of my heart,

I believe that you all
can wake up just like I did.

You can deprogram yourself
just like you did.

And over the course
of one dinner,

Marni, you are able to even
slightly open the window.

I am more hopeful
than you will ever know.

This should be an indication
of the amount of love

that I have and the amount
of hope that I have.

And I have expectations still,

Regina doesn't.
And you're still here. So...

Do not expect
it to be easy.

Because it's not
going to be easy.

You're going to question
everything you ever learned.

You know, it's hard.

It's hard work, and everything
worth having is hard.

So who in this room...

Raise your hand
if you're a racist.

We did it!

Thank you. Thanks, guys.

Thank you.

I feel hopeful that there's

going to be one or two
people that gets it.

I can guarantee you

I know this for a fact,
they haven't forgotten,

and they're thinking
about this every single day.

And even if one of them
comes out of this in however

amount of time and starts
down the path, that's a win too.

What our job is

I think a huge part
of our job, white people,

is to help other white
people wake up with us.

I think the triggering process

for many white women
in a Race2Dinner setting

can override the ability

to just take a moment and go,
wait a minute,

I need to sit with this.
Because we're so trained to

'My reaction is right!'
as white

people, it's like it's
our white world.

What I took away was just
being able to recognize

how white women react to being
confronted on their racism,

the defensiveness,

the crying, the
'I don't see color'...

'We all bleed red' or just like
using people of color

in their lives to justify
that they're not a racist.

So those tools, I think
I learned from Race2Dinner.

When we were leaving
that night,

I was feeling sad because
I realized how much more work

we have to do to undo
systemic racism

and misogyny is not,
I don't even know

if it's something I'm
going to see in my lifetime

quite frankly.

The first thing
that I did when I

came home is
I made a post on my Facebook

and I acknowledged where I see
the racism in my own life

and thought beliefs.

I thought I was
already aware of my racism.

But what I didn't see
was how unconsciously white

supremacy lives within me
and the true impact of it.

What I saw as a result

of that conversation
was that as a white woman,

I am the worst
kind of dangerous

if I don't wake up
to see what's true here

and use my power and
privilege to take action.

I saw that white supremacy

is not just a construct
of the alt right,

but something that lives
within all of us

and mostly unconscious
to those who want to believe

it's all love and light.

I saw that racism
is not something to hide from

or pretend
does not exist within me.

As to do so keeps
the power structures hidden

and embedded.

I'm exceedingly grateful
to Saira Rao

and Regina Jackson
for their willingness

to show up, educate, and put
their lives at risk to do it.

I'm here to show up
for what's uncomfortable

so we can heal this pain
and stop the violence.

Are you?

Trump: Kung flu...

the Chinese virus.
[roaring applause]

Crowds chanting: Peaceful
Protest! Peaceful Protest!

News: protesters have taken
to the streets around the world.

So is this the moment when the
United States and others

recognize the pain of the past,
that Black Lives Matter,

and reimagine their countries
on new values?

Biden: White supremacy
is the most lethal terrorist

threat to the homeland today.

Now's our opportunity
to make some real progress.

[applause]

I have my liquor bar
right behind me

in case I need to take a drink.

We got lots of people
coming on.

We have everyone?

Yes? OK cool!