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1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:07,484
So how do the eggs look today?
2
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,885
All right.
3
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:12,922
Why don't you let
Me have 3,000 dozen?
4
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:18,728
Uh, yeah, and also
1/2 ton of bacon...
5
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:22,099
1,600 pounds of potatoes...
6
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,567
One toasted english.
7
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:29,672
And, uh, 1,500 gallons
Of florida orange juice.
8
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:32,109
Yeah. Bye.
9
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:34,378
Are you ordering
Breakfast for manhattan?
10
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,380
No.
11
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,749
It's commodities, barney.
12
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,083
Oh, really?
13
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,653
Yeah, I got tired of doing
Just stocks and bonds.
14
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:46,123
There's a lot more action
In the commodities market.
15
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,358
It's a lot riskier,
Too, isn't it?
16
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:51,595
Well, I mean, you got to
Know the right ones to buy.
17
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:55,698
I thought the... The hot
Commodities were the grains...
18
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:59,436
Oats, alfalfa, buckwheat.
19
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:03,206
You forgot farina and spanky.
20
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,607
Very clever.
21
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:07,544
Hey, listen, uh, maybe
You can use it here.
22
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,013
It's from the p.A.L.
23
00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:13,015
They're staging their
Annual benefit variety show,
24
00:01:13,039 --> 00:01:16,786
And they're looking for cops
With some performing background.
25
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,722
I do a pretty good
Goethe impression.
26
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:23,192
"Take my soul, please."
27
00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:25,061
Uh, barney, back in college,
28
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,031
Didn't you, uh, used
To do a little singing?
29
00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:29,732
Me? No.
30
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,768
Oh.
31
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,037
What do you say?
32
00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:35,938
Well, not me.
33
00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:37,106
I'm a cop.
34
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,708
What about wojo?
35
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,643
Forget it.
36
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:44,214
All right. Maybe next year.
37
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:46,282
You're the one who
Started the whole thing!
38
00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:48,117
Why don't you just
Tell the truth?!
39
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:50,520
I mean, the guy must be
Nuts! What are you, nuts?!
40
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,321
Take it easy!
41
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:53,623
What have we got?
42
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:57,694
Uh, this one is philip pollock.
43
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,595
I picked him in
Washington square park,
44
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,530
And he's charged with
Assault and battery.
45
00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:03,332
He just jumped me for no reason.
46
00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:04,668
He knows why!
47
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:08,705
According to a hot-dog
Vendor who saw it happen,
48
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:12,742
Kelso here was walking
Along the sidewalk by himself
49
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:16,179
When pollock came up behind him
And grabbed him around the neck.
50
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:18,748
I asked him to please
Just take my wallet.
51
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,450
He wouldn't!
52
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,685
When I got there,
53
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:24,020
Pollock had him on the
Ground in a hammerlock.
54
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,789
I had to stop him!
55
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,056
From what?
56
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,358
There was a lady
In front of him.
57
00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:29,693
He was about to steal her purse!
58
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,161
He's crazy!
59
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:32,595
He's crazy.
60
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:39,236
Was he, uh, reaching
For the purse?
61
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,303
No.
62
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,105
Well, was he
Approaching the lady?
63
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:44,874
Was he, uh, making some
Kind of hostile gesture?
64
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,209
Not yet, but he
Was thinking of it.
65
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:48,144
How do you know?
What are you... Psychic?
66
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:53,282
Yes, I am!
67
00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:56,319
I have the gift of precognition.
68
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:57,320
I see.
69
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,788
So do I.
70
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:01,591
It's nothing to brag about.
I was just born with it.
71
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,127
And, uh, the woman?
72
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,897
Well, uh, supposedly,
She kept on walking.
73
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,800
She was late for a
Dental appointment.
74
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,302
Thank you.
75
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,404
All right, mr. Kelso.
Have a seat over here.
76
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,372
Sergeant harris will
Take your statement.
77
00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:18,909
Captain, we got a
Disturbance on sixth avenue.
78
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,510
Barney: uh, you and levitt.
79
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,178
All right, mr. Pollock.
80
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,981
I'm afraid sergeant
Wojciehowicz is...
81
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,050
I know... He's going to book me.
82
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:29,074
Which desk?
83
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,587
There can't be two of you.
84
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,594
- okay...
- october 15th, 1946.
85
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:09,941
- uh...
- harrisburg, pennsylvania.
86
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,190
I can't help it.
87
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:15,547
Sure.
88
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:23,499
I know that it's
Hard for somebody
89
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,603
Who doesn't have the
Gift to understand it.
90
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,560
Yeah, yeah.
91
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,441
Let me give you an example.
92
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:35,912
It's like... It's like
The commercial,
93
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,548
You know, with the guy
And the girl in the elevator,
94
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,817
And the girl is thinking,
95
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,218
"Cute guy. Wonder why he
Keeps scratching his head?
96
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:44,587
Maybe he's got dandruff."
97
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:45,855
Yeah, yeah.
98
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,645
Well, I hear that.
99
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,762
Uh...
100
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,098
Let's get finished with
The report, all right?
101
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,333
All right.
102
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,197
You can go first, if you like.
103
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:04,507
03432-1878.
104
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,298
Sorry.
105
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,512
I'm telling you, this is
Destroying our civilization!
106
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:11,948
All right. Move it inside.
107
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,082
Move what?
108
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,383
Just get in there.
109
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:17,219
Captain, this is ronald hanna...
110
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:20,322
Disorderly conduct and
Destruction of private property.
111
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:23,059
He was riding on a bus
And ripped down that ad.
112
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,829
"Aunt sally's
Kosher-style pickles."
113
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,597
For two years, I've been staring
114
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,566
At that travesty of
The english language.
115
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:33,169
Read it.
116
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:37,540
"Aunt sally says, 'my pickles
Are the tongue-teasingest,
117
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:42,211
The lip-smackingest, and
The crun-crun-crunchiest.'"
118
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,213
I want her arrested.
119
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,817
Mr. Hanna's a professor of
Linguistics and english at nyu.
120
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,018
Oh.
121
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,486
The english language
122
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:53,389
Is one of the most beautiful
And expressive of all tongues.
123
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,558
But it's being corrupted and
Debased by its chronic misuse.
124
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:58,828
Manufactured lingo, like that...
125
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,664
Dull-witted clichés,
Redundancies,
126
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,666
Mindless phraseology.
127
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,502
"Save up to 50% and more!"
128
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,538
What does that mean?
129
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,806
I really don't know,
Mr. Hanna, but...
130
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:14,210
Captain, it's not just a matter
Of a stupid pickle slogan.
131
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,679
The manipulation of language
Is one of the primary methods
132
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:20,783
Used by those in power to
Confuse and divert the public.
133
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:22,852
A false statement isn't a lie.
134
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,187
It's simply "No
Longer operative."
135
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:27,824
"War" becomes "Pacification."
136
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,224
And "Bombing"...
137
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:32,995
"The vertical deployment
Of antipersonnel devices."
138
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,364
Well, you got some valid
Points there, professor.
139
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:37,567
But I'm afraid we're gonna
Have to book you anyway.
140
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:38,901
But I have a seminar at 3:00.
141
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:40,270
Hopefully, you'll be
Out of here by then.
142
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:43,105
- "Hopefully"?
- I can't guarantee it.
143
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:47,342
"Hopefully" means "With
Hope," captain, not "I hope."
144
00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:49,144
Did you mean that I will
Be out of here with hope?
145
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,047
No! You meant that you
Hope that I will be out of here!
146
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,148
Right. I hope so.
147
00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:55,585
I'm sorry if I was a bit sharp.
148
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,653
But a tiny mistake like that,
149
00:07:57,677 --> 00:08:00,356
Well, it makes
Me a little crazy.
150
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:06,161
Irregardless, want to
Have a seat over there?
151
00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:09,298
Captain, should I put a
Warrant out for aunt sally?
152
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,433
Huh?
153
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:14,003
Did you ever taste her pickles?
154
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,205
If you need me,
I'll be downstairs...
155
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,929
Sitting quietly.
156
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:24,580
This day has been a nightmare.
157
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:28,751
First, I was walking down
6th avenue this morning.
158
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:31,020
A sign in a bank window
159
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:35,391
Was offering free gifts.
160
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:37,594
What other kind
Of gifts are there?
161
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:40,129
Address?
162
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,731
514 east 25th street.
163
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:45,134
Then when I went to lunch,
164
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,704
Do you know what
The specials were?
165
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:54,732
Steak o' bob and filet o' fish.
166
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:56,945
I agree with you,
167
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:58,814
That language has
Deteriorated sharply
168
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,449
In recent years,
169
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,185
But let's get through with this.
170
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,419
Certainly.
171
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:04,575
Next o' kin?
172
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,427
What do you mean, eggs
Have dropped 11 cents?
173
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:15,264
I thought they were
The perfect food!
174
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,599
Nah, don't sell me out.
175
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:20,269
Listen, if you need more
Cash to cover the margin,
176
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,571
Just give me a call back, okay?
177
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:24,807
Yeah.
178
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:30,213
I never eat eggs.
179
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,613
You know, it's people like you
180
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:34,605
Who are wreaking
Havoc with this economy.
181
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:37,887
Hey, barn?
182
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:38,921
Yeah?
183
00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:42,491
I checked pollock
Here for priors.
184
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,259
He's clean.
185
00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:47,797
But at the same
Time, I checked kelso.
186
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,032
13 previous arrests...
187
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:54,370
9 of them for purse snatching.
188
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:57,840
Is that relevant?
189
00:09:57,864 --> 00:10:00,510
I'm telling you,
He attacked me...
190
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:01,711
For no reason!
191
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:04,046
Well, if he did, he sure
Picked the right guy.
192
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:06,315
Uh, who is the victim
Here... Him or me?
193
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:09,918
I'm not so sure.
194
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,956
You sign that complaint yet?
195
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,824
Oh, I haven't decided yet.
196
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:18,827
When I do, you'll be
The first to know...
197
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:20,685
Probably.
198
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,003
I'm gonna go out to lunch today.
199
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:29,138
Okay.
200
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,974
No, you're not.
201
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,208
Excuse me?
202
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,743
I feel that something's
Gonna stop you.
203
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:38,747
I sense a gloomy,
Overbearing presence nearby.
204
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:42,485
Mr. Pollock, I...
Afternoon, men!
205
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:46,088
Inspector luger. What
A pleasant surprise.
206
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:48,357
Of course it is, har!
207
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,593
- barney.
- inspector.
208
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:53,496
- wojo.
- how you doing, inspector?
209
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:57,600
God bless poland.
210
00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,968
Thank you, inspector.
211
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,771
What brings you down, inspector?
212
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:05,408
Well, I got a few things here
213
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:08,076
I'd like to go over
With you, barn,
214
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:11,980
You know, in my capacity
As media liaison officer.
215
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,549
I'm really sorry, inspector.
216
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:16,018
But I was... I was just
Heading out for lunch.
217
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,053
Hmm. Ahh. Okay. Good deal.
218
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:20,223
No reason why we can't
Go through this stuff
219
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:21,690
Over some chow, huh?
220
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:25,294
What do you say we ankle up to
The oyster bar in grand central?
221
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:29,898
Uh, maybe it would be better
To, uh, do it in my office.
222
00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:32,735
Hey, whatever you say, barn.
223
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:39,375
Only you already had
Me slurping them oysters.
224
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,977
Barn, robbery in progress...
A liquor store on bleecker.
225
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,841
All right. Uh, you and harris.
226
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:47,817
Here, here, here, here.
227
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,652
No! Don't go!
228
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,920
We got to.
229
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:53,956
No, no, not you.
230
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:55,691
Him!
231
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,915
Don't go out!
232
00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:02,331
Why not, mr. Pollock?
233
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,566
I don't know,
234
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,790
But something terrible
Is going to happen.
235
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:12,275
You know this man is
Seriously disturbed?
236
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:14,142
You still want to go?
237
00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:15,886
Yeah. Sure.
238
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:25,643
It's been fun.
239
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:37,266
Inspector.
240
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,702
Forgot all about the
Old inspector, huh, barn?
241
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,303
No. As a matter of fact...
242
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:44,673
Sitting here, all
Alone, 20 minutes...
243
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,041
Nothing to do
244
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:49,011
But stare at an empty
Bottle of aftershave lotion.
245
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,546
As a matter of fact,
246
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:54,049
I went downstairs and picked
Us up a couple of sandwiches.
247
00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:55,651
Oh. Good thinking, barn.
248
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,953
They're out of the machine,
But... What have we got?
249
00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,022
Well, there's egg
Salad or olive loaf.
250
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:03,892
Ah. They finally sold it, huh?
251
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:07,929
Thanks, barn.
252
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:15,871
So... What were
You arrested for?
253
00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:17,573
Preventing a mugging.
254
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,441
Ooh.
255
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,043
How about you?
256
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:26,048
Defending the integrity
Of the english language.
257
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:28,817
Doesn't seem quite fair.
258
00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:30,152
Unfortunately, it's often
259
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:33,022
The very people who are
Trying to preserve the society
260
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:36,025
Who are the first to
Be persecuted by it.
261
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:38,082
Ain't it the truth?
262
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,480
It was nice talking to you.
263
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,037
So...
264
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:51,340
Every week, barn, I got to
Hand out these news releases
265
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:54,143
To the gentlemen of
The press, you know?
266
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:57,680
Keep them up-to-date on the
Workings of the department,
267
00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:00,183
As if it's any of
Their business.
268
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,450
Huh?
269
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,085
Yeah.
270
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,420
But it ain't easy, barney.
271
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:08,491
You know, I'm supposed to
Summarize all the decisions
272
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,692
That come down
From the review board,
273
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:14,964
Like, uh... Oh, forget it.
274
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,732
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Here it is.
275
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:20,302
Yeah, this rotten apple
From the 2nd precinct, barn.
276
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:22,705
Been on the force 25 years.
277
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:25,675
All this time, he's
Taking kickbacks,
278
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:28,410
Shaking down the
Local merchants.
279
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:31,147
The review board nails him
280
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:35,217
With 64 separate
Counts of "Misconduct."
281
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:38,587
I thought I'd just
Sum it all up by saying,
282
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,590
"Police officer retires."
283
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,126
Pretty much says
It all, huh, barn?
284
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,894
Pretty much.
285
00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:47,295
Yeah.
286
00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:50,266
Oh. Oh. And here's
A doozy, barney.
287
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:53,569
This is about the
Departmental allocation
288
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:56,505
About who's gonna get the
Bulletproof vests, you know?
289
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,807
It almost sounds like
290
00:14:57,831 --> 00:15:00,476
The department's playing
Favorites or something.
291
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,345
Inspector, uh... Didn't
You say something
292
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:05,815
About wanting to
Discuss something with me?
293
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:07,215
Right.
294
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:08,851
Concerning me?
295
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:11,720
Oh, no. No, no, not
Concerning you, barn.
296
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,589
You never give me any problems.
297
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,292
It's just that I thought
Maybe you wouldn't mind
298
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,527
Giving me a little
Hand with this stuff...
299
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,563
You know, try to
Make it sound good.
300
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:21,630
Aw, inspector.
301
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,732
Really, that kind of writing
302
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,636
Should really be
Done by one person.
303
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:28,036
Styles, you know.
304
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:31,106
Yeah. Right, barney.
305
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:34,710
All right. I'll be back
When you're finished.
306
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:38,180
I'm just kidding, barn.
307
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:41,739
Here. Come on. I'll help you.
308
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,444
Lefty?
309
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,297
Can I help you?
310
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:56,299
I'm roger joyce,
Marketing director
311
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,334
Of aunt sally's
Kosher-style pickles.
312
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:01,703
Oh. We were
Expecting aunt sally.
313
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:04,774
She doesn't get out a lot.
314
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,942
Barn?
315
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,479
I need another word
Here for "Extortion"...
316
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,782
You know, something that
Don't sound so negative.
317
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,151
Yes?
318
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,620
Uh, excuse the interruption.
319
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,489
Mr. Joyce of aunt sally's
Is here. You want to...
320
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:21,723
Yes. Yes.
321
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,293
Uh, inspector,
Excuse me. I've got to...
322
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,161
Oh, sure. Okay, barney.
323
00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:30,199
Go ahead. I'll be right here.
324
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,968
Uh, mr. Joyce,
I'm captain miller.
325
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,670
I was in aunt sally's kitchen
When I heard about this.
326
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,606
And I'm still
Thoroughly confused
327
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:40,275
As to why anyone would
Take such a violent action
328
00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:41,376
Against our product.
329
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,179
You can't say things like that!
330
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,447
Apparently, mr. Hanna
Took exception
331
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:47,549
To some of your
Advertising copy.
332
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:49,718
But it's all true.
333
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:52,454
Our pickles are the
Tongue-teasingest,
334
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:56,125
Lip-smackingest,
Crun-crun-crunchiest.
335
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,327
We couldn't say
It if it wasn't so.
336
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,363
Uh, I don't think that's
What mr. Hanna had in mind.
337
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:04,400
Independently conducted
Tests and surveys
338
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:06,335
Have proven conclusively
339
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:10,705
That when it comes to flavor,
Texture, and crunchability,
340
00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:16,478
No other pickle comes
Close to aunt sally's.
341
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,380
I take it aunt sally
Is pressing charges?
342
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:19,881
Yes, she is.
343
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,283
This way.
344
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,685
Uh, before we
Proceed any further,
345
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,621
I-I think I should tell
You that, in reality...
346
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,958
There is no aunt sally.
347
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:30,893
Oh?
348
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:32,394
We made her up.
349
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,497
I see.
350
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:38,533
There's nothing wrong with
That. It's common industry practice.
351
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,903
Um, it adds a homey,
Personal touch
352
00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:44,673
That most people
Seem to fall for.
353
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,031
Have a seat over there.
354
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:55,617
There's no sergio
Valente, either.
355
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:58,109
I just talked to him yesterday.
356
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,491
No pacing.
357
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,326
I'm sorry, but I can't help it.
358
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,495
I'm trying to work
Off my psychic energy.
359
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:07,663
Do it sitting down.
360
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:09,164
It's just that sometimes
361
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,233
The thoughts and
The premonitions
362
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:15,204
Start coming so fast,
Working into my head.
363
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:16,505
Oh, my god.
364
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,740
What's the matter?
Something's coming.
365
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:19,774
Something good?
366
00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:23,378
An earthquake...
Roads buckling...
367
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:26,781
Buildings in rubble,
People running, screaming!
368
00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:28,717
How could this happen in iowa?!
369
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:29,818
Take it easy.
370
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,720
I see headlines.
371
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:35,257
Numbers going
Up... 21, 23, 27...
372
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:36,458
Prime rate.
373
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:39,762
32, 36, over 40 billion served!
374
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,630
Or prime meat.
375
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,899
Wars! Economic collapse!
376
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,869
People rioting for food!
377
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:53,175
Oh, my god, they've
Canceled "Lou grant."
378
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:57,112
I see sergeant
Harris... In trouble.
379
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,047
He's in danger.
380
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,749
He's going down!
381
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,618
He's falling!
382
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,086
Plummeting!
383
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:05,110
Telephone.
384
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,357
The images are scrambling.
385
00:19:09,381 --> 00:19:11,626
I-I can't tell what it is.
386
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,361
Something's coming!
387
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:15,998
You're just... Ohh...
388
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:18,433
For god's sake,
Somebody help him!
389
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,636
Mr. Pollock,
Just... Just sit down.
390
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,638
I sense resentment in the room!
391
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,439
Frustration!
392
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:27,075
Olive loaf!
393
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,544
Luger?!
394
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:29,978
Luger!
395
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:34,382
Uh... Do your own damn work!
396
00:19:34,406 --> 00:19:36,719
Now, cut that out,
Mr. Pollock! You just cut it out!
397
00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:41,623
Sit down before you
Embarrass yourself further!
398
00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:43,180
I'm sorry.
399
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,664
Look who's back.
400
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,499
You're all right!
401
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,601
I'm sorry.
402
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,169
Get inside, guinness.
403
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,938
Well, that sounds reasonable.
404
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,505
What do you got?
405
00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:00,242
Well, this is, uh,
John guinness.
406
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:02,544
Tried to hold up
A dodds liquors.
407
00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:03,812
When we got there,
408
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:06,614
He was still waiting for
The clerk to open the safe.
409
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:09,785
I'm standing there, I mean,
With this tiny little gun.
410
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,519
It's no bigger than nancy's.
411
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:14,322
And this guy comes charging
In there with a .38 special,
412
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:19,294
And he yells, "Freeze it, honky,
Or I'll blow you to milwaukee."
413
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:20,929
Almost rhymes.
414
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:26,501
Then I drop it, and
He gives me a big hug!
415
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:28,570
Go ahead, wojo. Book him.
416
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:30,205
Sit down over here.
417
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,141
Come on.
418
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:36,078
Hey, earl. What
Are you doing here?
419
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,402
You snatch another purse?
420
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:45,320
Mr. Kelso, have you
Made your mind up yet?
421
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:46,654
Oh, yeah.
422
00:20:46,678 --> 00:20:47,823
Forget it.
423
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,858
Oh? You're not pressing charges?
424
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:52,694
I think he's suffered
Enough, don't you?
425
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:54,096
It's up to you.
426
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,931
Then you're releasing me?
427
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:58,766
You're not under arrest.
428
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:00,368
Oh.
429
00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:03,205
Right.
430
00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:08,877
I'm, uh, gonna give you
A break, mr. Mind reader.
431
00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:10,445
Hope you appreciate it.
432
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:11,646
Thank you.
433
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:14,349
Sure.
434
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:16,051
Hey, kelso!
435
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:17,319
Yeah?
436
00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:20,711
Forget about the jewelry
Store on lexington.
437
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,648
Get out of there!
438
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:30,399
All right, you can
Turn pollock loose.
439
00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:32,133
I've signed the complaint.
440
00:21:32,157 --> 00:21:35,671
Appreciate you coming down.
441
00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:37,472
Oh, ron, your
Broker just called.
442
00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:39,074
Called earlier, too.
443
00:21:39,098 --> 00:21:42,411
Uh, thanks.
444
00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:48,550
You know, I'll bet you
Just got hold of a bad jar.
445
00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:51,987
I never had your pickles.
446
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:54,156
But, then, how
Can you criticize?
447
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:57,225
I mean, if you've never
Enjoyed the old-fashioned,
448
00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:59,761
Down-home goodness
Of aunt sally...
449
00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:03,532
Mr. Joyce, I'm not talking
About the pickles, per se.
450
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:06,601
I'm talking about the words
You use to describe them...
451
00:22:06,625 --> 00:22:09,338
"Tongue-teasingest,
Lip-smackingest,
452
00:22:09,362 --> 00:22:10,739
Crun-crun-crunchiest."
453
00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:13,775
I'm surprised you don't
Say "Ko-ko-kosherest."
454
00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:15,611
Mr. Joyce, I really believe
455
00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:18,413
If you'll just say
What you want to say
456
00:22:18,437 --> 00:22:21,182
With simplicity and
Purity and precision,
457
00:22:21,206 --> 00:22:23,785
You'll sell a lot more pickles.
458
00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:25,453
"Ko-ko-kosherest."
459
00:22:26,713 --> 00:22:29,224
P-please!
460
00:22:29,248 --> 00:22:33,462
"Ko-ko-kosherest."
461
00:22:33,486 --> 00:22:37,387
Ko-ko... Kosherific.
462
00:22:42,394 --> 00:22:44,739
What?
463
00:22:44,763 --> 00:22:47,543
What are you talking about?
464
00:22:47,567 --> 00:22:49,244
Look, I had to go on a call.
465
00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:51,280
Couldn't you have
Covered it yourself?
466
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:55,450
I understand.
467
00:22:55,474 --> 00:22:57,385
These things do happen.
468
00:22:57,409 --> 00:23:01,256
Right.
469
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,558
My eggs.
470
00:23:03,582 --> 00:23:06,728
I lost all my eggs.
471
00:23:06,752 --> 00:23:09,031
I'm sorry.
472
00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:11,399
My broker needed more
Money to cover the margin.
473
00:23:11,423 --> 00:23:13,769
He couldn't get a hold
Of me, so he dumped them,
474
00:23:13,793 --> 00:23:15,203
And I lost $2,100.
475
00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:17,139
I told you not to go.
476
00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:20,509
"I told you not to go."
477
00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:23,645
Well, barn, I think I'll be
Heading along back downtown.
478
00:23:23,669 --> 00:23:26,748
Uh, well, we didn't
Finish, inspector, did we?
479
00:23:26,772 --> 00:23:29,151
No, no, but that's okay, barney.
480
00:23:29,175 --> 00:23:32,887
I'll polish them off by
Myself, maybe on the subway.
481
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:35,123
Whatever you say, inspector.
482
00:23:35,147 --> 00:23:40,362
June 1, 1984.
483
00:23:40,386 --> 00:23:44,199
Doesn't that date mean
Anything to you, barn?
484
00:23:44,223 --> 00:23:45,767
No.
485
00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:49,805
That's when they put me
Out to pasture... Retire.
486
00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,241
I see.
487
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:56,745
After that, the old inspector
Won't be coming down anymore,
488
00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:59,047
Telling you the old stories,
489
00:23:59,071 --> 00:24:02,451
Chewing off your ear
Half the day at a time.
490
00:24:02,475 --> 00:24:08,189
I'll be able to be
Here the whole day.
491
00:24:08,213 --> 00:24:11,593
Looking forward to it, barn.
492
00:24:11,617 --> 00:24:12,883
Toodle-oo.
493
00:24:19,725 --> 00:24:22,392
How come no one told
Me about the variety show?
34244
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