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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:06,750 Harris not in yet? 2 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:07,884 Uh, nope. 3 00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:09,553 I'm doing his filing. 4 00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:11,521 And I appreciate it. 5 00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,657 Maybe he stopped To pick out a dress. 6 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:14,658 Possibly. 7 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,626 Did harris catch mugging duty? 8 00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:17,661 Yeah. 9 00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:23,533 Huh? 10 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:26,536 Wojo, if I remember Correctly, you, uh... 11 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,004 You weren't so amused by it 12 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,805 Last time you Pulled mugging duty. 13 00:00:29,829 --> 00:00:33,342 Oh, well, that was A couple years ago. 14 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:36,746 Yeah, I've gained my Perspective on it now. 15 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,348 I can find the humor in it. 16 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,318 Particularly when It's someone else. 17 00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:44,020 Sure. 18 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,655 Difficult not to feel foolish 19 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,524 When you're wearing high Heels and stockings and panties. 20 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:49,893 Panties? 21 00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:52,561 What do you wear panties For? No one can see 'em. 22 00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:54,964 What are you talking about? You got to wear panties. 23 00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:57,355 Don't wear panties, You feel like a tramp. 24 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:02,839 Gentlemen, we have work to do. 25 00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:05,008 Or at least the Appearance of work, 26 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:06,342 Just for my benefit. 27 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:08,111 Easy. 28 00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:09,813 Nick, you have filing? 29 00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:13,304 Yeah, I was just waiting for A lull in the conversation. 30 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,275 This seems to be it. 31 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,593 They told me downstairs 32 00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:26,562 That somebody up Here could help me. 33 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,832 I'm sergeant yemana. 34 00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,367 Did you handle missing persons? 35 00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:34,092 Oh, I do a little of everything. 36 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,942 Could somebody help me? 37 00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:40,176 Nick? 38 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,045 Uh, barney, this is miss, uh... 39 00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:43,046 Schnable. 40 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:44,347 Miss schnable. 41 00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:45,949 She wants another opinion. 42 00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:48,384 I'm captain miller. What can I do for you? 43 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,353 It's my father. 44 00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:51,922 He's missing. 45 00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:54,324 All right. Just Have a seat here. 46 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:55,892 Sergeant wojciehowicz Will help you. 47 00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,326 Wojo, this is miss schnable. 48 00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,529 Hey. Be with you in a minute. 49 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,932 This is a missing persons case. 50 00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,934 Okay. 51 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:06,369 I guess you get a Lot of missing people. 52 00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:09,861 Yeah, well, only if Someone's looking for them. 53 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,745 See, if, uh, if no one's Looking for them, 54 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,649 Then they ain't A missing person. 55 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,805 They're just gone. 56 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,020 Barney: ah, good Morning, sergeant harris. 57 00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:27,590 Do you know what this Country needs, barney? 58 00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:28,624 What's that? 59 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,993 A good depression. 60 00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:31,761 Be a nice change of pace. 61 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,764 I mean, maybe if Business weren't so good, 62 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,699 These merchants Wouldn't be able to afford 63 00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:38,101 To jerk their customers around. 64 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,602 I take it you had a problem? 65 00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:42,205 Yeah, I went to pick up my shoes 66 00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,140 And my hat for the detail. 67 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,141 Tasty. 68 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,176 Hmm. 69 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,844 But the dress wasn't ready. 70 00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:49,845 Why not? 71 00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:51,113 I don't know. 72 00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:54,584 Barn, all I wanted done Was a few alterations, 73 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:55,918 A little beadwork. 74 00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:58,221 Couldn't you find a dress That was already, uh... 75 00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:01,090 I don't buy off The rack, barney. 76 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,692 Sorry. 77 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,627 Nick's already done your filing. 78 00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:06,029 Oh, thanks, nick. 79 00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:08,998 So you can pick up a little Time by going and shaving now. 80 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,166 Shave? 81 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,534 Shave. 82 00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:12,935 My legs don't need it. 83 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,037 Good. 84 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,606 Smoothness... It Runs in the family. 85 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,364 I was referring To your moustache. 86 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:21,844 Pardon me? 87 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,513 Your moustache. 88 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:27,450 That stuff growing Up there on your lip. 89 00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:30,175 - oh, yeah... This. - hmm. 90 00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:34,224 I'd really prefer Not to, barney. 91 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:35,558 Harris. 92 00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,227 Excuse me, barney. 93 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,462 I think I've got to take these Things down to my locker. 94 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:40,552 Harris. 95 00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:45,568 Not too happy about Losing the old whisk broom? 96 00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,103 He'll shave. 97 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,405 You know, a moustache can become 98 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,641 An important extension Of a man's personality. 99 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,275 Shaving it can be Very traumatic. 100 00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,945 Gentlemen, let's not Make a big deal out of this. 101 00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:58,381 I shaved once. 102 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,671 I didn't like it. 103 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:14,257 Okay, now, before we can Officially file a complaint, 104 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,958 We got to know that The guy has been missing 105 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,494 For more than 48 hours. 106 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,729 Oh, he has been. 107 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,464 All right. How long? 108 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:24,534 Counting today, 28 years. 109 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,470 It would've been nice If it'd been reported 110 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,572 A little bit sooner. 111 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:32,008 It was a little complicated. 112 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,843 Uh-huh. 113 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:37,246 See, I was raised in State institutions, 114 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,781 In foster homes. 115 00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:41,951 I never knew either Of my parents. 116 00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:45,309 There's a real good Chance I'm a bastard. 117 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,260 Anyway, a couple of years ago, 118 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,796 I decided to try and find them, 119 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,498 But nobody would help me. 120 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:58,100 So I started Searching on my own, 121 00:05:58,124 --> 00:06:00,637 And I went to the Social security, 122 00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:03,005 And I went to the v.A. 123 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,275 And through them, I Was able to trace him 124 00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:09,779 To the place where he works Right here in manhattan... 125 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:13,583 The continental health Spa on christopher street. 126 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:15,451 And he's there now? 127 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:17,153 Well, yeah. 128 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,556 Well, then he ain't missing. 129 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:24,594 Well, not exactly... But he won't see me. 130 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:25,828 Oh, well, uh... 131 00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:28,130 See, if that's the situation, 132 00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:30,366 There isn't that much That we can do about it. 133 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:34,103 He won't see me because He doesn't know who I am. 134 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:37,706 If you could just Make him talk to me, 135 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,076 Give me a chance to explain, 136 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,746 Then everything would be fine. 137 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,447 Can't force a man to talk to you 138 00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:46,349 If he doesn't want To talk to you. 139 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:48,718 Why not? It's your job. 140 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,086 No, lady. 141 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,155 See, we deal mainly in The criminal element here. 142 00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:54,190 Captain... 143 00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:57,460 Do I have a right to see My own father or don't I? 144 00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,328 Yeah. Of course you do. 145 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,997 No, she does not. 146 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,065 What? 147 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,866 Her father doesn't Want to see her. 148 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,768 - why not? - she's probably a bastard. 149 00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:06,803 Wojo! 150 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,271 Her father deserted her, 151 00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,940 And now she wants us to sit On him while she talks to him. 152 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,976 Oh. Uh, when did this happen? 153 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,210 1950. 154 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,378 Oh, I see. 155 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,113 No, you don't see. 156 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,315 He doesn't know who I am. 157 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,917 If I could just have A chance to explain... 158 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,387 Miss schnable, this Is not a police matter. 159 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:26,389 He's my father! 160 00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,457 I've got documented proof! 161 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:32,028 I've got social security Things, notarized things! 162 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,496 That's not the issue. 163 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,031 I've got rights! 164 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,768 I suppose you've heard Of the napoleonic code. 165 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,303 We sure have. 166 00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,770 So? 167 00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,806 - so? - so... 168 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:46,642 So, it isn't that We're not sympathetic 169 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,011 To your problem. 170 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,579 It's just that it's out Of our jurisdiction. 171 00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:53,249 You're not gonna help me at all? 172 00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:55,251 Perhaps we can recommend you 173 00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:59,722 To some, uh, social agencies. 174 00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:00,824 Never mind. 175 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,193 I'm sorry I wasted your time. 176 00:08:03,217 --> 00:08:05,528 Well, we're sorry, Too, miss schnable. 177 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:08,731 You don't have to worry About my bothering you again. 178 00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,621 Goodbye! 179 00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:16,772 Harris: okay, mr. Holly, 180 00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,774 If you'll just step Inside here, please. 181 00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,676 It's all over... My Career, my life! 182 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,111 Look, take it easy, mr. Holly. 183 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,646 I might as well be dead! 184 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,149 You'll feel much better After you're booked. 185 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,283 Oh, god! 186 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,818 What do you got here? 187 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,319 Milton holly... He's the host 188 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,755 Of one of the educational Shows at the station. 189 00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:33,822 "Mr. Science." 190 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,191 Really? 191 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,692 You've heard of me? 192 00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:38,594 I'm afraid not. 193 00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:42,898 Of course not. Who Watches channel 37? 194 00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:45,801 Apparently, mr. Holly was Performing an experiment 195 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,071 On the air when his Helper of the day, 196 00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,773 One scott macmillan, age 13, 197 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:53,776 Began making what he Considered disruptive comments. 198 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,879 "Boring, mr. Science. Big deal, mr. Science. 199 00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:59,983 If you're so smart, why Are you bald, mr. Science?" 200 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:03,152 Mr. Holly finally replied 201 00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,421 That master macmillan Should "Either shut up 202 00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:08,857 Or," and I'm quoting here, 203 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:12,595 He'd "Put his can On a bunsen burner." 204 00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:15,131 On the air. I Said it on the air. 205 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,600 I couldn't wait For a station break. 206 00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,535 The kid started laughing at him, 207 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,470 And mr. Holly went berserk. 208 00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,872 He chased the kid All around the studio, 209 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,309 Knocking down the Lights, tv equipment. 210 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,010 The station is pressing charges? 211 00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,178 Yeah. 212 00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,813 - what about the kid? - he's suing. 213 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,949 Kids! They're monsters today. 214 00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:36,385 Used to be you'd show Them how to run a motor 215 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,854 On static electricity Or how to suck an egg 216 00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:41,123 Through a bottle, they Thought you were a god. 217 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,558 Well, uh, unfortunately, 218 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,194 I'm afraid we're gonna Have to book you, so... 219 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,896 If you'll just have a Seat right over here. 220 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,465 Have a seat right here At sergeant yemana's desk 221 00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:53,035 Since sergeant harris Has a prior commitment. 222 00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:56,839 Nothing we can't talk About in your office. 223 00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:59,041 All right. 224 00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,443 Nick, you'll take Care of mister, uh... 225 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:01,467 Science. 226 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:09,685 The object is to provide A believable target. 227 00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:13,556 I'm afraid the moustache Might compromise the situation. 228 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,457 See that? It's one of the things 229 00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:17,059 I really admire about you. 230 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,194 - what's that? - your flexibility. 231 00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:20,430 That's kind of you. 232 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:23,999 Your lack of rigidity. "Might compromise"? 233 00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,469 Your willingness to see Both sides of a question, 234 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:29,238 To bend in a given Situation if necessary. 235 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:30,840 I'm really flattered. What's your point? 236 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,676 I really don't want To shave this off. 237 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,177 Harris. 238 00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,212 It's not a matter Of vanity, barney. 239 00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:40,383 It's just that, well... 240 00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:43,418 It looks so damn good. 241 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,557 Barn, a call came In from dispatch. 242 00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:50,125 Disturbance over At continental spa. 243 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:53,229 That's where miss schnable Said her father worked. 244 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,519 All right, you're in charge. Take yemana with you. 245 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,811 You know, I used to Be on the network. 246 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,147 Every sunday morning. 247 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,883 Now there's nothing On there but trash. 248 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,718 I think most critics would agree 249 00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:18,354 That children's programming Has deteriorated significantly 250 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,555 In recent years. 251 00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:23,125 Imbecilic cartoons, superheroes, 252 00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,995 Junk food commercials. Nothing for the mind. 253 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,398 Of course there are still Some worthwhile programs. 254 00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:30,566 There's, uh, youth Documentaries, 255 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,368 Some excellent animal series. 256 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,535 Sure. 257 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,827 You ever watch vermin, vermin, vermin? 258 00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:38,541 No. 259 00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,665 It's disgusting but informative. 260 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,613 Wojo and nick not back yet? 261 00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:44,714 No. 262 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,382 You seen harris? 263 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,807 No, not since he came Out of your office. 264 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,926 Is there something You want to say to me? 265 00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,961 I don't believe we've Been introduced. 266 00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,700 Now, that is a change. 267 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,035 Thank you. 268 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,903 I guess shaving Wasn't as difficult 269 00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:09,705 As you thought it was gonna be. 270 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,841 Nah. On the contrary. 271 00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:14,010 Now I'm glad I did it. 272 00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,144 Good. 273 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,246 I mean, actually, What is the function 274 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,514 Of a moustache anyway? 275 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,706 It's really just a Masculine affectation. 276 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,392 That's one way to look at it. 277 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,627 Well, I mean, it's kind of silly 278 00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:33,729 When you stop And think about it. 279 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,098 I mean, it's just a Stupid clump of hair 280 00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,133 Sitting over your mouth. 281 00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:40,469 A meaningless, Superficial demand 282 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,393 For attention. 283 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,377 Everybody in here. 284 00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:49,678 Just leave me alone, okay? 285 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:50,946 I love you, daddy. 286 00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,781 Tell her to leave me alone! 287 00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:54,517 Hey, both of you quiet down. 288 00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,586 Hello again, miss schnable. 289 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,721 I just wanted to talk to him. 290 00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:00,556 Okay. What happened? 291 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,592 Well, she went over To the continental spa 292 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,960 And tried to get in. 293 00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:07,095 They wouldn't let her In 'cause it was all men. 294 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,086 So she went around The back and... 295 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,903 Broke in a window. 296 00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:16,661 And? 297 00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,010 Oh, and, uh... 298 00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:24,580 Then she went into The locker room. 299 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,415 I just wanted to talk to him. 300 00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,884 Now they want to charge Her with trespassing. 301 00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:30,586 And it could cost me my job. 302 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,388 Don't worry, daddy. I'll take care of you. 303 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,857 Don't call me daddy! I am not your daddy! 304 00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,259 She's a ding-a-ling! 305 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:39,227 Okay. Nick, you want to Take care of miss schnable? 306 00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:41,697 You ought to put Her in a cotton box. 307 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,532 Mr. Claymore, 308 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,435 We would appreciate your Patience and your cooperation. 309 00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,771 She has been bugging Me for a couple of weeks. 310 00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:51,674 She's following me around, Calling me, invading my privacy. 311 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,876 I mean, can't you guys Keep her away from me? 312 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,711 Not unless you get A restraining order. 313 00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:58,102 That's it. I want one of them. 314 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:05,253 Detective wojciehowicz Will be glad to help you. 315 00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:07,890 Yeah, sit down, mr. Claymore. 316 00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:09,925 She is not my kid. 317 00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:12,160 I mean, there ain't Even a resemblance. 318 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,952 Look... I ask you. Do We look alike to you? 319 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,668 I'm the wrong person to ask. 320 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,837 Wojo: can I see You, mr. Claymore? 321 00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,682 Thanks a lot. 322 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,305 Stay right there. 323 00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:40,956 Uh... Harris? 324 00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:42,425 Yeah? 325 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,527 I want to say something to you 326 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,895 That I never thought I'd say. 327 00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,997 Yeah? 328 00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:50,821 Your dress is ready. 329 00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:54,191 Thank you. 330 00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:59,775 Are you gonna come back Up and see us before you go? 331 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,999 As the mood strikes me. 332 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,716 Okay, mr. Claymore, You got a middle name? 333 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:07,805 Franklin. 334 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:11,441 Yeah, that's right. 335 00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,726 All right. Date of birth. 336 00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:19,728 - october 12th... - october 12, 1925. 337 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,118 Hey. 338 00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,258 Social security number? 339 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:41,238 164-32-1989. 340 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:43,941 Thanks. 341 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,289 Next of kin? 342 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:48,713 None. 343 00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,967 Harassment complaint, Restraining order. 344 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:02,004 This ought to keep miss Schnable out of your hair 345 00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:03,572 For quite a while. 346 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,041 Believe me, I don't Like doing any of this, 347 00:16:06,065 --> 00:16:07,475 But I am not her father. 348 00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,444 Mr. Claymore, whether or not... 349 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,546 Barney, he's not. 350 00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:12,681 Not what? 351 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,784 I don't believe he's her father. 352 00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:17,152 I mean, if what he Told me is right, 353 00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:19,354 Then she must've Screwed up somewhere 354 00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:20,656 With her papers and stuff. 355 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:21,957 I was in akron, 356 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:25,227 But I was in the v.A. Hospital all that year. 357 00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:27,830 Sure you didn't take A few, uh, field trips 358 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,198 On the side? 359 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:30,833 I was a red-blooded, young guy, 360 00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:33,168 And I wasn't chintzy About spreading it around, 361 00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:34,770 But that was the Year I was sick. 362 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,294 I had this infection, you know? 363 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,009 I lost a lot of my stamina, If you get my meaning. 364 00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,611 I get your meaning. 365 00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:45,703 It was temporary, of course. 366 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,785 In any case, mr. Claymore, Somehow or other, 367 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,654 Miss schnable is Determined in her mind 368 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,188 That you are her father. 369 00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:55,323 Is that my problem? 370 00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,092 No, mr. Claymore. 371 00:16:57,116 --> 00:17:00,729 You're not obligated in Any way to miss schnable. 372 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,386 Not legally. 373 00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:05,901 I am not responsible 374 00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,870 For all the orphans Of the world. 375 00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,159 Of course not. 376 00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:15,332 Well... Maybe a couple. 377 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,483 You had a grandfather... 378 00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,518 And a grandmother... 379 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,788 And a mother and a father. 380 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,389 Captain? 381 00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:28,423 Hmm? 382 00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:30,425 You had a mother and a father. 383 00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:32,227 Indeed. 384 00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:35,931 So, why shouldn't I have A chance to have one? 385 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,632 Don't I rate a family? 386 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:39,101 Of course you do, 387 00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:41,236 But unfortunately, you Can't go around assembling one 388 00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,471 Like a model airplane. 389 00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:44,762 Why not? 390 00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:49,945 It could be just The two of us... 391 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:57,119 In a house... With a Yard... And a dog... 392 00:17:57,143 --> 00:18:00,244 And sunday dinners. 393 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:11,700 Uh, take that down to the Courthouse on center street. 394 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,758 You can get your Restraining order. 395 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:16,894 Thanks. 396 00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:21,009 I mean, they're not gonna Lock her up, are they? 397 00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:24,146 Not unless she Violates the order 398 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:25,480 And tries to see you. 399 00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:26,982 Okay. 400 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:28,984 'cause, you know, She's not a mean kid. 401 00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:31,253 She'd probably make Some guy a nice daughter. 402 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,910 Probably. 403 00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:42,330 It could've been any One of a dozen guys. 404 00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:43,732 What's that? 405 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:46,434 That restaurant was Right near the hospital. 406 00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:49,004 I wasn't the only guy That went out with sally. 407 00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:50,338 Sally? 408 00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:54,143 Sally... The waitress That she looks a little like. 409 00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:55,432 Sort of. 410 00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:00,382 You get my meaning? 411 00:19:00,406 --> 00:19:02,117 I get your meaning. 412 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,385 Goodbye, lady. 413 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:04,553 Teresa. 414 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,655 Yeah. Teresa. 415 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,512 Goodbye. 416 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,599 Listen, I'm thinking... 417 00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:19,501 I can straighten Things out at the club. 418 00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:21,804 You don't have to hold her On that trespassing charge. 419 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,338 I'm sure it's gonna be okay. 420 00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:25,707 Fine. Thank you. 421 00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,398 So take care, huh? 422 00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:32,347 You're free to go, Too, miss schnable. 423 00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:34,404 We have your Address if we need you. 424 00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:48,197 Oh, uh, your papers. 425 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:49,854 Don't forget your papers. 426 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,235 I don't want them. 427 00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:55,659 Throw them away. 428 00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:15,924 Listen, I'm thinking... Give me your address. 429 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,826 We can keep in touch. 430 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:20,729 It's all right. You Don't owe me anything. 431 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,231 I mean, you know, Every once in a while, 432 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,866 I could drop you A couple of lines. 433 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,769 You could send me a card, You know, for father's day. 434 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:29,226 I mean, just for laughs. 435 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:33,141 That would be nice. 436 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,332 You need a lift? 437 00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:39,836 Thank you. 438 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:42,973 Thanks. 439 00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,890 Do you remember Much about my mother? 440 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,158 Hey, look, I, uh... You know. 441 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:51,960 Oh, yeah. No, I know. 442 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:55,163 It was a long time Ago. Almost 30 years. 443 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,787 Yeah... 444 00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,589 And it was dark. 445 00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:05,840 Captain, I got Mr. Holly's bail ticket. 446 00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:07,932 Turn him loose. 447 00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:11,947 All right. Right This way, mr. Holly. 448 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:12,971 Thank you. 449 00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:17,819 That's mr. Science. 450 00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:18,821 Yeah. 451 00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,989 What's he doing here? 452 00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:24,092 There was a fracas In the tv studio. 453 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,128 He assaulted his assistant. 454 00:21:26,152 --> 00:21:28,564 No kidding? 455 00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:32,601 I'm very sorry about Everything that happened. 456 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,369 I appreciate your consideration. 457 00:21:34,393 --> 00:21:35,804 Good luck to you, mr. Holly. 458 00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:36,972 Thank you. 459 00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:39,096 Hi. Uh... 460 00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:43,011 Uh, I've never missed your show. 461 00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:46,381 I beg your pardon? I Don't believe we've met. 462 00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:50,351 Oh, sergeant Wojciehowicz. 12th precinct. 463 00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:53,288 You're the only Guy on television 464 00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,679 That ever sounded like he Meant what he was saying. 465 00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:59,260 That's because I did. 466 00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:00,495 Yeah. 467 00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:03,766 And I didn't just Watch. I did experiments. 468 00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:06,735 The baking soda and the motors. 469 00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:08,937 And the ant farm. I had an ant farm. 470 00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:10,639 I hope you learned something. 471 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:11,807 Sure. 472 00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:15,143 I watched your show Every sunday for five years. 473 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,178 Why did you stop? 474 00:22:17,202 --> 00:22:19,347 Oh, well, I had to. 475 00:22:19,371 --> 00:22:21,238 I joined the marines. 476 00:22:22,742 --> 00:22:24,975 Now, that's a kid. 477 00:22:35,588 --> 00:22:38,221 I'll be checking Back in around 6:00. 478 00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:45,773 Oh, listen. 479 00:22:45,797 --> 00:22:49,344 What I said to you about Your moustache... Forget it. 480 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,613 I was just upset. 481 00:22:51,637 --> 00:22:53,037 Forgotten. 482 00:22:54,841 --> 00:22:56,473 I feel much better. 483 00:22:58,210 --> 00:22:59,721 You? 484 00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:01,212 Fine. 485 00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:06,328 Uh, you got a little smudge. 486 00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:08,485 Oh. Thank you. 487 00:23:21,968 --> 00:23:23,979 Uh, go ahead, nick. 488 00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:25,881 Get all your clever Little comments 489 00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:27,149 Out of your system. 490 00:23:27,173 --> 00:23:29,484 You look lovely. 491 00:23:30,843 --> 00:23:33,989 It's true. You do. 492 00:23:34,013 --> 00:23:35,456 Hey, come on. 493 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:39,595 Believe me... You Look fantastic. 494 00:23:39,619 --> 00:23:41,897 Well, I mean... 495 00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:43,932 I know I'm a man in a dress. 496 00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:45,500 Yeah. 497 00:23:45,524 --> 00:23:49,805 The object is to come across As an attractive woman. 498 00:23:49,829 --> 00:23:53,308 Well, I mean, I want To look good... 499 00:23:53,332 --> 00:23:55,165 But not better. 500 00:23:59,371 --> 00:24:01,038 See you guys later. 501 00:24:03,242 --> 00:24:05,821 Yes, dietrich? 502 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:08,390 You ever see the movie laura? 503 00:24:08,414 --> 00:24:11,193 It's about a policeman Who becomes fascinated 504 00:24:11,217 --> 00:24:12,795 By a woman he knows He can never have. 505 00:24:12,819 --> 00:24:15,197 So? 506 00:24:15,221 --> 00:24:17,365 It's playing down the street. 507 00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:18,856 You want to see it tonight? 34549

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