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1
00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:04,647
- good morning. Gentlemen.
- morning.
2
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,471
- morning.
- morning, barn.
3
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,354
I see that sergeant
Harris is not yet checked in.
4
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:12,622
He's moving into
His new apartment.
5
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,358
You know, gentlemen,
It appears to me
6
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,959
That tardiness
Has become the rule
7
00:00:16,983 --> 00:00:19,596
Rather than the
Exception around here.
8
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,719
Ohh!
9
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:25,502
Something I can
Help you with, wojo?
10
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:26,903
You know why so many people
11
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,960
Kill themselves
At christmastime?
12
00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:31,641
Depression, loneliness.
13
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:34,110
No, so they don't have to
Buy christmas presents.
14
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,679
That's a consideration.
15
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,349
I don't know how I'm going
To afford it this year.
16
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,218
Well, one thing you
Don't have to worry about,
17
00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:42,885
And that's buying a
Present for me, because...
18
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,020
Don't worry. I'm not.
19
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,088
Oh.
20
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:47,324
Uh, good.
21
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:51,261
I'll be lucky if I can
Swing one for my mother.
22
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:52,762
Surprised to hear that, wojo,
23
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,032
What with your
Sergeant's raise this year.
24
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:57,423
Yeah, I was better off
On a third grader's pay.
25
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:02,606
Yeah, now I'm going
To better restaurants,
26
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,274
Seeing more movies,
27
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,543
Buying things on credit.
28
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,046
Your interests are broadening.
29
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:12,215
I think I caught it from harris.
30
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,317
That's a possibility, yes.
31
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:15,985
You seem to keep a
Pretty good handle
32
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,487
On your finances, barn.
33
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:21,091
Well, I mean, I try to remain
Relatively solvent, yeah.
34
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,959
You don't go
Crazy buying things.
35
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,927
I think that's the point.
36
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:27,786
You've been wearing that
Suit ever since I can remember.
37
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:33,270
Well, it's a good suit.
38
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,304
Yeah.
39
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,839
I mean, the style is timeless.
40
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:37,929
Yeah, right.
41
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,246
All right, come on.
42
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,370
Put these bags over
There for me, please?
43
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:47,750
You're the boss.
44
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,986
Hey, look... And be
Careful. Hang them up neat.
45
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:52,088
- morning, harris.
- this is a nightmare.
46
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,290
What seems to...
47
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:54,857
I get to the apartment, barney,
48
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:57,026
And I got a moving van
Full of my furniture,
49
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,861
And them crackers
Are still inside.
50
00:01:58,885 --> 00:01:59,962
Didn't you make arrangements...
51
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:01,164
Of course I did, barney!
52
00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:02,899
They were supposed
To be out last night.
53
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,000
What happened?
54
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,168
Well, you see,
55
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,636
I'm subletting it
From this couple...
56
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:07,937
Harold and lois nemmings...
57
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,572
Because they're
Getting a divorce.
58
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:10,974
But when I get there,
59
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:12,943
Harold tells me that they've
Decided not to break up,
60
00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,810
So they're gonna
Keep the apartment.
61
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,078
Didn't you get them to sign...
62
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:17,780
So I go back with the
Van to my old apartment...
63
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:18,881
Apparently not.
64
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,450
And this cretin of
A manager tells me
65
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,394
That he won't
Let me back inside.
66
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:25,955
Hey, man, are you crazy?
67
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,958
I said neat!
68
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:30,660
There are rolled
Lapels in that bag!
69
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,184
No kidding.
70
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,733
Meanwhile, barney, here I am
71
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,469
With all my worldly
Possessions in this guy's truck,
72
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,471
And it's costing
Me 50 bucks an hour
73
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,739
While he just kind
Of diddles around.
74
00:02:43,763 --> 00:02:47,510
A very unfortunate
Sequence of events.
75
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:51,781
Just standing here is
Costing me 95 cents a minute.
76
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,816
Harris, you're just
Going to have to find
77
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,552
A solution to this problem.
78
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,620
Such as?
79
00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:00,156
Well, uh... I don't know.
80
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,082
You... You... You align all
Your alternatives and, uh...
81
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,131
Could you speak a
Little faster, please?
82
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,166
Why don't you put
Your stuff in storage?
83
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,035
Then you can decide
What you want to do next.
84
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:15,605
Then I got to pay this guy off,
Then I got to pay for storage,
85
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,873
And then hire him all
Over again when I move.
86
00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,943
It's the best thing I
Can come up with...
87
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:23,112
In the time allotted.
88
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:26,649
Barney, uh, call from dispatch.
89
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,918
Trouble over at
23rd near lexington.
90
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,421
- what kind of trouble?
- they didn't say.
91
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:34,090
But it's called the
Crichton laboratories.
92
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:35,458
It's a sperm bank.
93
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:38,161
Sperm bank?
94
00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:41,753
It's like a regular bank,
Only you don't deposit money.
95
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:44,967
I know what it is.
96
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,169
You and wojo.
97
00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:48,560
- okay.
- wojo, you're on with nick.
98
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,575
Actually, I'm dying to
Know what the problem is.
99
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:54,477
Doubt if it's a robbery.
100
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:57,146
I doubt it, too.
101
00:03:57,170 --> 00:04:01,306
There's not much of a
Market for male gametes.
102
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:06,322
I have a sinking feeling
That we have just entered
103
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:09,692
Another of your areas
Of interest and expertise.
104
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,383
You might call it a passion.
105
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,000
- come on, woj, let's go.
- yeah, yeah.
106
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,269
What do we got, nick?
107
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:20,770
Some kind of disturbance.
108
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,973
- yeah? Where?
- at a bank.
109
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:27,832
Good. Maybe I should start
A christmas club account.
110
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,282
It's up to you.
111
00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:34,784
I just don't want to get
Caught short again next year.
112
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,341
God forbid.
113
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,927
Come on, mrs. Bateman!
What are you telling me?
114
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,462
It's murder! That's what it is!
115
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,698
I'm sorry, mr. Hamel.
These things happen.
116
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:55,965
Hey, both you two... Calm down.
117
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,333
Calm down? You killed it...
118
00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:01,003
The seed of my loins,
The flesh of my flesh!
119
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,272
Let's not get
Biblical about it, huh?
120
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,007
All right, what do we got here?
121
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,643
This is mr. Philip hamel.
122
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,245
The last philip hamel...
123
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:12,949
Thanks to her and
Crichton laboratories!
124
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:16,252
This is, uh, ms. Helen bateman.
125
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:18,487
She's the chief cook
And bottle-washer.
126
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:21,324
Laboratory supervisor!
127
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:24,760
Laboratory supervisor.
128
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:27,230
We got there, and mr. Hamel
Here was tearing up the lobby,
129
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,764
Trying to get into the back.
130
00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:31,534
Will you please tell him why?
131
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:35,271
Apparently, he went down
There to check on his, uh...
132
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,207
Deposit.
133
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:41,310
Specimen. We call
Them specimens.
134
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,778
Thank you.
135
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:44,914
And he got a little upset
136
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,050
When he found out his
Specimen had gone bad.
137
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,219
Yeah, because
You let it thaw out!
138
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:50,286
You let it die!
139
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,654
That's not true.
140
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:55,158
We looked after it just
As if it were our own.
141
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:58,061
Baloney! You've been
Giving me baloney all day!
142
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,562
Take it easy.
143
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,464
Look, captain, I'm sorry.
144
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:04,700
My wife and I have been
Married for two years.
145
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,635
Now, there is absolutely no way
146
00:07:06,659 --> 00:07:09,105
That, at this time, we can
Afford to have a child.
147
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:12,876
So, I went and I had a...
148
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,145
Well, a vasectomy, you know.
149
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,781
And now, when I can
Afford to have a child,
150
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,583
I'm not going to
Be able to have one
151
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,051
Because of some stupid foul-up!
152
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:23,386
These things happen.
153
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,588
How do they happen?
They're not supposed to.
154
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,791
I told you... We're not sure.
155
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,458
You're not sure. Where
Does that leave me?
156
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:31,160
Let's not go around
Again. Ms. Bateman...
157
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,562
If you have a seat over there,
158
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,763
Detective wojciehowicz
Will take your statement.
159
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,132
Actually, this is the first time
160
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,767
A thing like this
Has ever happened.
161
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,003
Yeah, so what am I... Mr. Lucky?
162
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,572
Sickening, huh, barn?
163
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,140
Well, it's different.
I'll say that.
164
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:48,010
No, I mean the...
Whole idea of it.
165
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,313
It's not natural.
166
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:53,049
Actually, it's more common
Than most people think.
167
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,350
Since 1953,
168
00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:57,119
More than 1,400 children
Have been conceived
169
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,055
Through artificial insemination.
170
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:05,595
It's even more common in
The breeding of livestock.
171
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:08,531
Proven to be a more
Efficient and healthier way
172
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,165
Of impregnating dairy cows.
173
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:12,034
Fascinating.
174
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:16,060
Course, elsie isn't quite as
Contented as she used to be.
175
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,681
Hi, barney. Hi, men.
176
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,849
Inspector, what
Brings you around?
177
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:28,484
Well, just a little minor
178
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,020
Official administrative
Business, barney.
179
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,522
Want to handle it in my office?
180
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,757
Whatever you say.
181
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:37,727
You got a fine group
Here today, huh?
182
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,629
What's this... A
Victim or a suspect?
183
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:40,630
Both.
184
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,064
- hmm?
- victim.
185
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:45,200
My progeny, my
Posterity... Gone!
186
00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:47,904
Sir, I assure you,
187
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,404
The men of the 12th precinct
188
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:52,608
Will do everything within
Their power to retrieve it.
189
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,076
Right, nick?
190
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,432
Within reason.
191
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,139
Hey, look. Don't you
Get comfortable.
192
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,308
I want you ready to move.
193
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:08,245
Why, you got a
Line on something?
194
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,861
There are times in a man's life
195
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:15,030
When it becomes
Necessary to abandon
196
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,399
Some very basic principles
197
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:21,626
And debase and degrade oneself.
198
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:25,875
Hello, uh...
199
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,645
Look, I'm calling regarding
The ad for the apartment...
200
00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:31,169
In yonkers.
201
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:34,450
Uh, yes.
202
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:39,555
I was, um... Well,
I'd like to r-rent...
203
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:43,759
Uh... Unfortunately,
I have to...
204
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:48,019
Well, actually, you
See, I am forced to.
205
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:52,034
Wait a minute. Look, I
Just cannot do this.
206
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:54,158
I'm sorry for wasting your time.
207
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,007
Well, I tell you,
208
00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,643
They pulled a few cases
Out of the files downtown.
209
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:03,412
You know, unsolved
Burglaries, thefts.
210
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,783
They want me to talk to
Some of your men about it.
211
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,017
You know.
212
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,551
No, I don't know.
213
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:13,923
Well, they give me some drivel
About certain detective squads
214
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,859
Are starting to slough off some
Of the tough cases, you know?
215
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,994
Passing them back
To the uniformed cops
216
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:22,665
So's not to muddy up their
Own performance record.
217
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,266
That's ridiculous!
218
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,558
It's poppycock, barney!
219
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:32,008
I mean, there are certain cases
That we do send back downstairs,
220
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:35,678
But, I mean, it's due to the
Manpower limitations up here.
221
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,379
That's what I told
Them downtown.
222
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,915
I can't be wasting my time
Pulling stuff like this, barney.
223
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,751
I got much more
Important things to do
224
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:45,788
Than to be snooping into
The integrities of honest cops.
225
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,256
Thank you, inspector.
226
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,859
You're welcome, barney.
227
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:52,561
You got any dental floss?
228
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,597
Uh, no.
229
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,732
- credit card?
- no.
230
00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:59,557
Always pay cash.
Good way to go, barney.
231
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,640
Hey, come on. Let's go.
232
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,642
- where?
- what's the difference?
233
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:07,843
I just can't stand to see you
234
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:10,046
Sitting around on
My money anymore.
235
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:12,614
All right, men.
236
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,751
We're gonna have a
Little powwow here.
237
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:17,786
Nick, wojo, harris...
A few words.
238
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:18,821
Now?
239
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,357
Yeah, before you
Go shuffling off.
240
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,825
Shuffling off?
241
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,393
Yeah.
242
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,428
Shuffling off?!
243
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:27,863
You know what I mean.
244
00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:30,666
I do not go shuffling off.
245
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,569
It is not in my nature
To shuffle off.
246
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:34,703
It's just an expression.
247
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:36,773
I was on my way out
248
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:39,008
To take care of some
Very pressing business.
249
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,277
You people got short fuses.
250
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,345
- inspector luger!
- harris.
251
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,349
You know, I sho' would enjoy
252
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,650
Settin' around chawin'
The hog wit' y'all.
253
00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:52,188
But, uh, plain truth is
Dat I gots to git myself
254
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,655
Somewheres to flop.
255
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,924
Elsewise dis here
Intolerable weather's
256
00:11:55,948 --> 00:11:59,528
Gwine ta freeze
My bones fo' sho!
257
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,130
Bye!
258
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,220
Come on, let's go.
259
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,996
He's a great kidder, isn't he?
260
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,349
He was acting kind
Of weird, wasn't he?
261
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,218
He's been under a lot
Of pressure of late.
262
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,853
I mean, that "Sho' nuff"
263
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,754
And all that
"Chawin' on the hog..."
264
00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:27,890
He's just letting off
Some steam, that's all.
265
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:31,760
No, it's like he thought I was
A bigot or something, barney.
266
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,295
Inspector, believe me...
267
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,597
He was upset about something,
And you happened to be here.
268
00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:39,501
Because nothing could be
Further from the truth, barney.
269
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:42,038
Uh, excuse me, inspector.
270
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,406
I mean, I think of harris
271
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,030
The same way as I think
Of yemana here, right?
272
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:51,069
Yeah. A lot of people
Get us mixed up.
273
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,516
- nick, you wanted something?
- yeah, barney.
274
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,085
I finished writing up hamel.
275
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,887
Should I take him downstairs
For prints and pictures?
276
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,522
Hold off on that for a minute.
277
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,424
I have nothing but
The utmost respect...
278
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,293
Inspector,
Inspector, believe me...
279
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,727
He didn't mean
Anything personal.
280
00:13:05,751 --> 00:13:07,096
I know a lot of the men think
281
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,997
I'm an old, over-the-hill
Cop, barney,
282
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:11,667
Who comes in here from
Time to time and bores them.
283
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:12,701
That's ridiculous.
284
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,936
You think I'm boring, barney?
285
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,505
Inspector, there's no reason...
286
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,674
I always thought I had a
Pretty good sense of humor.
287
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,776
Get off a pretty good
Story now and then.
288
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:25,403
I'm not exactly, uh,
Herb shriner, but...
289
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,251
Inspector, you wanted
To talk to the men?
290
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:30,319
Hmm?
291
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:31,320
Oh, yeah, yeah.
292
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:32,621
Dietrich.
293
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,490
Thanks, barney.
294
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:37,359
Dietrich, they dug
A couple of cases
295
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,183
Out of the files downtown.
296
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,653
Do I bore you, dietrich?
297
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,293
You'd have to give me
Some specific examples.
298
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:56,412
Okay, mr. Hamel. I got
To put you in the cage.
299
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,436
Oh...
300
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,251
- hello?
- hello, honey.
301
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,353
I'm mrs. Philip hamel,
And my husband is...
302
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,421
Phil!
303
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:06,788
Hello, arlene.
304
00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:08,090
Are you in some sort of trouble?
305
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,325
Inside. Inside, hamel.
306
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,826
Sergeant, this is my wife.
307
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,528
How do you do?
308
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:15,431
Phil, please, for god's sakes,
Please tell me what's going on.
309
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,733
It's my specimen... At the bank.
310
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:20,269
I found out this
Morning, it went bad.
311
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,305
Oh, my god!
312
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,107
Take it easy, mrs.
Hamel. It'll work out.
313
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:26,664
How?!
314
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,748
Bum deposit at the bank, eh?
315
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,450
Right.
316
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,018
Deadbeat.
317
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,042
I'm afraid so.
318
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:47,096
Is that mrs. Hamel?
319
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,230
Yeah.
320
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:49,564
How'd she take the news?
321
00:14:49,588 --> 00:14:50,922
Like a trouper.
322
00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:56,105
Well, I think I'll
Shuffle off, bar...
323
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,339
Think I'll be on my way.
324
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,441
Didn't you want to talk
To the rest of the men?
325
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,776
Oh, we talked.
326
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,111
Right?
327
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,845
I can personally
Go back downtown
328
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:06,581
And report that the integrity,
329
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:09,118
The ethics of this
Squad are intact.
330
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,552
Right?
331
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,243
See you around, barney.
332
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,830
I'm, uh... I'm back.
333
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:23,032
Barney: so I notice.
334
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,833
What happened to your furniture?
335
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:26,735
It's on its way to poughkeepsie.
336
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,438
Now, that's a solution I
Hadn't even considered.
337
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,373
Well, I've got an aunt up there.
338
00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:34,043
She said she'd keep the
Stuff in her basement.
339
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,510
Congratulations.
340
00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:38,247
It's costing me
250 bucks, barney,
341
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,782
For him to drive the
Stuff up there, but, uh...
342
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:43,808
Well, it was either
That or buy the truck.
343
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,159
Harris? Uh...
344
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,827
We seem to have
Had a slight problem
345
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,729
Communicating back there before.
346
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,165
I just want to apologize to you
347
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:59,501
If I inadvertently said
Anything that offended you.
348
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:02,404
Inspector, um, I was edgy.
349
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:03,739
Good.
350
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:07,709
Because I got the greatest
Regard for you, harris.
351
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,611
A warm, personal fondness.
352
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:13,704
I think you're a fine officer
And a good human being.
353
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,086
Thank you, inspector.
354
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,110
Right.
355
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,277
It's something like that, huh?
356
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:43,401
Yeah.
357
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,703
See you around, boys.
358
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,022
Excuse me, are you in charge?
359
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,424
Yes, I'm captain miller.
360
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:56,791
You know, my husband,
361
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,228
He's never ever done
Anything like this before.
362
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,063
He's not a criminal.
363
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:02,598
The problem, mrs. Hamel,
364
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:05,167
Is that I really don't have
Any discretion in this matter.
365
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,202
It's pretty much up
To ms. Bateman here
366
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,071
Whether she wants
To press charges.
367
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:10,905
Somebody has to
Pay for the damage.
368
00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:12,441
You're damn right!
369
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:16,112
I'm talking about the furniture,
Plants, our glass door.
370
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,246
We'll pay for them.
371
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,647
Mr. Hamel, you go
Along with that?
372
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:21,005
No, absolutely not.
373
00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:23,285
You'll go to jail!
374
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,387
Good. I'll make an
Example of them!
375
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:27,456
But what am I supposed to
Do while you're in prison?
376
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,292
Arlene, how long is it
Gonna be? A few months?
377
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:31,727
A year at the most.
378
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:34,719
Well, suppose I meet someone.
379
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:42,459
Okay, you win. But I
Want an itemized list.
380
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,808
Nick, turn him loose.
381
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:48,844
I can't thank you
Enough, captain miller.
382
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,567
Don't mention it, mrs. Hamel.
383
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,017
Okay, just sign this,
384
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,921
And I'll give you
Your valuables.
385
00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:01,278
Well, your other valuables.
386
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:08,063
Goodbye, sergeant.
I'm leaving now.
387
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,666
Yeah, well, thanks
For your help.
388
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:15,537
You know, we also
Take donations.
389
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:20,509
Yeah, I-I like to give
Blood at the red cross.
390
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,211
I'm sure they appreciate it.
391
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:25,414
However, I think a man like you
Would welcome the opportunity
392
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:29,952
To pass along his genes
To a whole new generation.
393
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,888
Well, I sort of like to...
394
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:35,813
Keep track of where my genes go.
395
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,083
Pity.
396
00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:43,599
That's it.
397
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,956
Yeah.
398
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:49,938
Well... Thanks.
399
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,574
Oh, phil, phil, it's not
The end of the world.
400
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:54,076
It might as well be.
401
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:57,012
I don't got anybody
To carry on my name.
402
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,948
Well, look, look...
We can always adopt.
403
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,950
I don't want to adopt!
404
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:04,186
I want a boy like me!
405
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,856
Or a girl like you.
406
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,958
With your face.
407
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,661
And your eyes.
408
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,351
Your smile.
409
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:20,936
But now forget it. It's over.
410
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,936
Come on.
411
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,573
There is one other alternative.
412
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:25,907
Pardon me?
413
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,909
When a couple is
No longer capable
414
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,745
Of having a child together,
A method many people choose
415
00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:34,249
Is for the wife to be
Artificially inseminated
416
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:36,051
Using the specimen of a donor
417
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,520
With the same physical and
Morphological characteristics
418
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:40,144
As the husband.
419
00:19:54,993 --> 00:19:57,739
Okay... Let's go, arlene.
420
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,908
Can they really do that?
421
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,776
Yes, they can, mrs. Hamel.
422
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:02,778
Arlene.
423
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:03,812
We can go now.
424
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,113
We can leave now,
Right, captain?
425
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,015
Yes, you can go.
426
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,217
I don't believe we've
Been introduced.
427
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,653
For god's sakes, let's
Get out of here, arlene.
428
00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:12,821
I'm arthur dietrich.
429
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,422
- hi.
- hi.
430
00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:16,825
- arlene.
- what?
431
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:19,862
Listen... You were right...
432
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,164
We can adopt.
433
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,288
- whatever you say, hon.
- all right.
434
00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:44,687
I thought you'd gone home.
435
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,822
Very amusing, barney.
436
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,457
Sorry.
437
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:52,428
Haven't made any arrangements
For accommodations?
438
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:56,498
Nah, just thought I'd spend
A couple of nights here.
439
00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:59,468
I mean, if it's all
Right with you.
440
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:00,869
It's okay by me,
441
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:04,906
But I would imagine there
Are better alternatives.
442
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:09,511
Even, um... Bunking
With dietrich.
443
00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:12,648
Barney, please, I don't
Care for that kind of talk.
444
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,983
You're really letting
This apartment thing
445
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,507
Get the better of you.
446
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,222
Barney, it's...
447
00:21:20,246 --> 00:21:21,623
It's not just the apartment.
448
00:21:21,647 --> 00:21:23,180
I mean, it's everything.
449
00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:29,664
When I got out of school,
450
00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:31,266
I had a plan in my head
451
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:34,002
Of everything I was
Gonna accomplish.
452
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:36,638
Had it all mapped
Out... Everything.
453
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:37,939
I mean, by this time,
454
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:40,842
I'm supposed to have
My first novel published,
455
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:43,012
A couple of
Screenplays optioned.
456
00:21:43,036 --> 00:21:46,315
I figured, um, a stock
Portfolio worth,
457
00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:48,717
Ah, $200,000.
458
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:50,386
Sounds nice.
459
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,253
And look at me now.
460
00:21:52,277 --> 00:21:54,390
I mean, I not only
Don't have any of that,
461
00:21:54,414 --> 00:21:56,647
I don't even have
A place to live.
462
00:22:00,552 --> 00:22:04,799
Harris, we all set
Goals for ourselves.
463
00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:06,334
But you can't
Expect to achieve it
464
00:22:06,358 --> 00:22:08,971
According to some timetable
That you set up for yourself.
465
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:11,195
I'm running real late, barney.
466
00:22:13,098 --> 00:22:16,044
Well, look, maybe
You haven't achieved
467
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,946
The progress you expected
468
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:22,350
In your literary career
Or financially, but, uh...
469
00:22:22,374 --> 00:22:24,408
Well, look at this.
470
00:22:25,811 --> 00:22:29,358
You're a... You're a good cop.
471
00:22:29,382 --> 00:22:32,026
You've done damn well.
472
00:22:32,050 --> 00:22:35,397
I had planned to
Be captain by now.
473
00:22:35,421 --> 00:22:37,232
Oh, really?
474
00:22:37,256 --> 00:22:39,256
I mean, it can't be that tough.
475
00:22:40,559 --> 00:22:43,005
Well, I mean, uh...
476
00:22:43,029 --> 00:22:45,573
Takes a little, uh...
477
00:22:45,597 --> 00:22:47,131
Luck?
478
00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:50,145
Yeah.
479
00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:52,948
Oh, thank you.
480
00:22:52,972 --> 00:22:55,284
And, of course, experience.
481
00:22:55,308 --> 00:22:56,941
Thank you.
482
00:23:00,346 --> 00:23:02,724
Here's the manpower
Report. I'm gonna take off.
483
00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:05,127
- okay, good night.
- good night.
484
00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:06,962
I thought you'd left.
485
00:23:06,986 --> 00:23:08,864
Nah, I'm gonna
Stay the night here.
486
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,065
That's silly.
487
00:23:10,089 --> 00:23:11,633
I got an extra bed
Just lying there.
488
00:23:11,657 --> 00:23:13,323
Nah, it's okay, dietrich.
489
00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:17,194
Sure, I don't blame you.
490
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,241
What?
491
00:23:20,265 --> 00:23:24,313
Listen, I know you're
Not crazy about me.
492
00:23:24,337 --> 00:23:26,236
I know I'm opinionated.
493
00:23:28,106 --> 00:23:30,752
I'm inclined to be a
Little pedantic, I know.
494
00:23:30,776 --> 00:23:32,186
Verbose.
495
00:23:32,210 --> 00:23:33,510
Yeah.
496
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:40,217
I don't know. I get
On people's nerves.
497
00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:43,465
All my life, you know?
498
00:23:43,489 --> 00:23:45,801
I don't know. I just
Alienate people.
499
00:23:45,825 --> 00:23:49,171
Hey, listen, man.
500
00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:50,973
Don't, uh...
501
00:23:50,997 --> 00:23:54,476
Maybe I'll take you up on it.
502
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,311
Oh, forget it.
503
00:23:56,335 --> 00:23:59,281
No, come on, I really mean it.
504
00:23:59,305 --> 00:24:01,671
No, that's okay, man. Forget it.
505
00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:05,442
Please, let me
Come home with you.
506
00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:11,548
Okay.
507
00:24:13,352 --> 00:24:14,684
Want to snap it up?
35763
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