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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:04,647 - good morning. Gentlemen. - morning. 2 00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,471 - morning. - morning, barn. 3 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,354 I see that sergeant Harris is not yet checked in. 4 00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:12,622 He's moving into His new apartment. 5 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,358 You know, gentlemen, It appears to me 6 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,959 That tardiness Has become the rule 7 00:00:16,983 --> 00:00:19,596 Rather than the Exception around here. 8 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,719 Ohh! 9 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:25,502 Something I can Help you with, wojo? 10 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:26,903 You know why so many people 11 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,960 Kill themselves At christmastime? 12 00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:31,641 Depression, loneliness. 13 00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:34,110 No, so they don't have to Buy christmas presents. 14 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,679 That's a consideration. 15 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,349 I don't know how I'm going To afford it this year. 16 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,218 Well, one thing you Don't have to worry about, 17 00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:42,885 And that's buying a Present for me, because... 18 00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,020 Don't worry. I'm not. 19 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,088 Oh. 20 00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:47,324 Uh, good. 21 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:51,261 I'll be lucky if I can Swing one for my mother. 22 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:52,762 Surprised to hear that, wojo, 23 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,032 What with your Sergeant's raise this year. 24 00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:57,423 Yeah, I was better off On a third grader's pay. 25 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:02,606 Yeah, now I'm going To better restaurants, 26 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,274 Seeing more movies, 27 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,543 Buying things on credit. 28 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,046 Your interests are broadening. 29 00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:12,215 I think I caught it from harris. 30 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,317 That's a possibility, yes. 31 00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:15,985 You seem to keep a Pretty good handle 32 00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,487 On your finances, barn. 33 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:21,091 Well, I mean, I try to remain Relatively solvent, yeah. 34 00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,959 You don't go Crazy buying things. 35 00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,927 I think that's the point. 36 00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:27,786 You've been wearing that Suit ever since I can remember. 37 00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:33,270 Well, it's a good suit. 38 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,304 Yeah. 39 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,839 I mean, the style is timeless. 40 00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:37,929 Yeah, right. 41 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,246 All right, come on. 42 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,370 Put these bags over There for me, please? 43 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:47,750 You're the boss. 44 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,986 Hey, look... And be Careful. Hang them up neat. 45 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:52,088 - morning, harris. - this is a nightmare. 46 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,290 What seems to... 47 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:54,857 I get to the apartment, barney, 48 00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:57,026 And I got a moving van Full of my furniture, 49 00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,861 And them crackers Are still inside. 50 00:01:58,885 --> 00:01:59,962 Didn't you make arrangements... 51 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:01,164 Of course I did, barney! 52 00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:02,899 They were supposed To be out last night. 53 00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,000 What happened? 54 00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,168 Well, you see, 55 00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,636 I'm subletting it From this couple... 56 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:07,937 Harold and lois nemmings... 57 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,572 Because they're Getting a divorce. 58 00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:10,974 But when I get there, 59 00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:12,943 Harold tells me that they've Decided not to break up, 60 00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,810 So they're gonna Keep the apartment. 61 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,078 Didn't you get them to sign... 62 00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:17,780 So I go back with the Van to my old apartment... 63 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:18,881 Apparently not. 64 00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,450 And this cretin of A manager tells me 65 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,394 That he won't Let me back inside. 66 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:25,955 Hey, man, are you crazy? 67 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,958 I said neat! 68 00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:30,660 There are rolled Lapels in that bag! 69 00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,184 No kidding. 70 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,733 Meanwhile, barney, here I am 71 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,469 With all my worldly Possessions in this guy's truck, 72 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,471 And it's costing Me 50 bucks an hour 73 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,739 While he just kind Of diddles around. 74 00:02:43,763 --> 00:02:47,510 A very unfortunate Sequence of events. 75 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:51,781 Just standing here is Costing me 95 cents a minute. 76 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,816 Harris, you're just Going to have to find 77 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,552 A solution to this problem. 78 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,620 Such as? 79 00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:00,156 Well, uh... I don't know. 80 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,082 You... You... You align all Your alternatives and, uh... 81 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,131 Could you speak a Little faster, please? 82 00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,166 Why don't you put Your stuff in storage? 83 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,035 Then you can decide What you want to do next. 84 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:15,605 Then I got to pay this guy off, Then I got to pay for storage, 85 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,873 And then hire him all Over again when I move. 86 00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,943 It's the best thing I Can come up with... 87 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:23,112 In the time allotted. 88 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:26,649 Barney, uh, call from dispatch. 89 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,918 Trouble over at 23rd near lexington. 90 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,421 - what kind of trouble? - they didn't say. 91 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:34,090 But it's called the Crichton laboratories. 92 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:35,458 It's a sperm bank. 93 00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:38,161 Sperm bank? 94 00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:41,753 It's like a regular bank, Only you don't deposit money. 95 00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:44,967 I know what it is. 96 00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,169 You and wojo. 97 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:48,560 - okay. - wojo, you're on with nick. 98 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,575 Actually, I'm dying to Know what the problem is. 99 00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:54,477 Doubt if it's a robbery. 100 00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:57,146 I doubt it, too. 101 00:03:57,170 --> 00:04:01,306 There's not much of a Market for male gametes. 102 00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:06,322 I have a sinking feeling That we have just entered 103 00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:09,692 Another of your areas Of interest and expertise. 104 00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,383 You might call it a passion. 105 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,000 - come on, woj, let's go. - yeah, yeah. 106 00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,269 What do we got, nick? 107 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:20,770 Some kind of disturbance. 108 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,973 - yeah? Where? - at a bank. 109 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:27,832 Good. Maybe I should start A christmas club account. 110 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,282 It's up to you. 111 00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:34,784 I just don't want to get Caught short again next year. 112 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,341 God forbid. 113 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,927 Come on, mrs. Bateman! What are you telling me? 114 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,462 It's murder! That's what it is! 115 00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,698 I'm sorry, mr. Hamel. These things happen. 116 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:55,965 Hey, both you two... Calm down. 117 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,333 Calm down? You killed it... 118 00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:01,003 The seed of my loins, The flesh of my flesh! 119 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,272 Let's not get Biblical about it, huh? 120 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,007 All right, what do we got here? 121 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,643 This is mr. Philip hamel. 122 00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,245 The last philip hamel... 123 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:12,949 Thanks to her and Crichton laboratories! 124 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:16,252 This is, uh, ms. Helen bateman. 125 00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:18,487 She's the chief cook And bottle-washer. 126 00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:21,324 Laboratory supervisor! 127 00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:24,760 Laboratory supervisor. 128 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:27,230 We got there, and mr. Hamel Here was tearing up the lobby, 129 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,764 Trying to get into the back. 130 00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:31,534 Will you please tell him why? 131 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:35,271 Apparently, he went down There to check on his, uh... 132 00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,207 Deposit. 133 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:41,310 Specimen. We call Them specimens. 134 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,778 Thank you. 135 00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:44,914 And he got a little upset 136 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,050 When he found out his Specimen had gone bad. 137 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,219 Yeah, because You let it thaw out! 138 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:50,286 You let it die! 139 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,654 That's not true. 140 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:55,158 We looked after it just As if it were our own. 141 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:58,061 Baloney! You've been Giving me baloney all day! 142 00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,562 Take it easy. 143 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,464 Look, captain, I'm sorry. 144 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:04,700 My wife and I have been Married for two years. 145 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,635 Now, there is absolutely no way 146 00:07:06,659 --> 00:07:09,105 That, at this time, we can Afford to have a child. 147 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:12,876 So, I went and I had a... 148 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,145 Well, a vasectomy, you know. 149 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,781 And now, when I can Afford to have a child, 150 00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,583 I'm not going to Be able to have one 151 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,051 Because of some stupid foul-up! 152 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:23,386 These things happen. 153 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,588 How do they happen? They're not supposed to. 154 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,791 I told you... We're not sure. 155 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,458 You're not sure. Where Does that leave me? 156 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:31,160 Let's not go around Again. Ms. Bateman... 157 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,562 If you have a seat over there, 158 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,763 Detective wojciehowicz Will take your statement. 159 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,132 Actually, this is the first time 160 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,767 A thing like this Has ever happened. 161 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,003 Yeah, so what am I... Mr. Lucky? 162 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,572 Sickening, huh, barn? 163 00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,140 Well, it's different. I'll say that. 164 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:48,010 No, I mean the... Whole idea of it. 165 00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,313 It's not natural. 166 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:53,049 Actually, it's more common Than most people think. 167 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,350 Since 1953, 168 00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:57,119 More than 1,400 children Have been conceived 169 00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,055 Through artificial insemination. 170 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:05,595 It's even more common in The breeding of livestock. 171 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:08,531 Proven to be a more Efficient and healthier way 172 00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,165 Of impregnating dairy cows. 173 00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:12,034 Fascinating. 174 00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:16,060 Course, elsie isn't quite as Contented as she used to be. 175 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,681 Hi, barney. Hi, men. 176 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,849 Inspector, what Brings you around? 177 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:28,484 Well, just a little minor 178 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,020 Official administrative Business, barney. 179 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,522 Want to handle it in my office? 180 00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,757 Whatever you say. 181 00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:37,727 You got a fine group Here today, huh? 182 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,629 What's this... A Victim or a suspect? 183 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:40,630 Both. 184 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,064 - hmm? - victim. 185 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:45,200 My progeny, my Posterity... Gone! 186 00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:47,904 Sir, I assure you, 187 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,404 The men of the 12th precinct 188 00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:52,608 Will do everything within Their power to retrieve it. 189 00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,076 Right, nick? 190 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,432 Within reason. 191 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,139 Hey, look. Don't you Get comfortable. 192 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,308 I want you ready to move. 193 00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:08,245 Why, you got a Line on something? 194 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,861 There are times in a man's life 195 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:15,030 When it becomes Necessary to abandon 196 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,399 Some very basic principles 197 00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:21,626 And debase and degrade oneself. 198 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:25,875 Hello, uh... 199 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,645 Look, I'm calling regarding The ad for the apartment... 200 00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:31,169 In yonkers. 201 00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:34,450 Uh, yes. 202 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:39,555 I was, um... Well, I'd like to r-rent... 203 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:43,759 Uh... Unfortunately, I have to... 204 00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:48,019 Well, actually, you See, I am forced to. 205 00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:52,034 Wait a minute. Look, I Just cannot do this. 206 00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:54,158 I'm sorry for wasting your time. 207 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,007 Well, I tell you, 208 00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,643 They pulled a few cases Out of the files downtown. 209 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:03,412 You know, unsolved Burglaries, thefts. 210 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,783 They want me to talk to Some of your men about it. 211 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,017 You know. 212 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,551 No, I don't know. 213 00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:13,923 Well, they give me some drivel About certain detective squads 214 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,859 Are starting to slough off some Of the tough cases, you know? 215 00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,994 Passing them back To the uniformed cops 216 00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:22,665 So's not to muddy up their Own performance record. 217 00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,266 That's ridiculous! 218 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,558 It's poppycock, barney! 219 00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:32,008 I mean, there are certain cases That we do send back downstairs, 220 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:35,678 But, I mean, it's due to the Manpower limitations up here. 221 00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,379 That's what I told Them downtown. 222 00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,915 I can't be wasting my time Pulling stuff like this, barney. 223 00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,751 I got much more Important things to do 224 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:45,788 Than to be snooping into The integrities of honest cops. 225 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,256 Thank you, inspector. 226 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,859 You're welcome, barney. 227 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:52,561 You got any dental floss? 228 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,597 Uh, no. 229 00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,732 - credit card? - no. 230 00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:59,557 Always pay cash. Good way to go, barney. 231 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,640 Hey, come on. Let's go. 232 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,642 - where? - what's the difference? 233 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:07,843 I just can't stand to see you 234 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:10,046 Sitting around on My money anymore. 235 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:12,614 All right, men. 236 00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,751 We're gonna have a Little powwow here. 237 00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:17,786 Nick, wojo, harris... A few words. 238 00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:18,821 Now? 239 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,357 Yeah, before you Go shuffling off. 240 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,825 Shuffling off? 241 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,393 Yeah. 242 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,428 Shuffling off?! 243 00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:27,863 You know what I mean. 244 00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:30,666 I do not go shuffling off. 245 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,569 It is not in my nature To shuffle off. 246 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:34,703 It's just an expression. 247 00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:36,773 I was on my way out 248 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:39,008 To take care of some Very pressing business. 249 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,277 You people got short fuses. 250 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,345 - inspector luger! - harris. 251 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,349 You know, I sho' would enjoy 252 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,650 Settin' around chawin' The hog wit' y'all. 253 00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:52,188 But, uh, plain truth is Dat I gots to git myself 254 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,655 Somewheres to flop. 255 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,924 Elsewise dis here Intolerable weather's 256 00:11:55,948 --> 00:11:59,528 Gwine ta freeze My bones fo' sho! 257 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,130 Bye! 258 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,220 Come on, let's go. 259 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,996 He's a great kidder, isn't he? 260 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,349 He was acting kind Of weird, wasn't he? 261 00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,218 He's been under a lot Of pressure of late. 262 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,853 I mean, that "Sho' nuff" 263 00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,754 And all that "Chawin' on the hog..." 264 00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:27,890 He's just letting off Some steam, that's all. 265 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:31,760 No, it's like he thought I was A bigot or something, barney. 266 00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,295 Inspector, believe me... 267 00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,597 He was upset about something, And you happened to be here. 268 00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:39,501 Because nothing could be Further from the truth, barney. 269 00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:42,038 Uh, excuse me, inspector. 270 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,406 I mean, I think of harris 271 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,030 The same way as I think Of yemana here, right? 272 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:51,069 Yeah. A lot of people Get us mixed up. 273 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,516 - nick, you wanted something? - yeah, barney. 274 00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,085 I finished writing up hamel. 275 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,887 Should I take him downstairs For prints and pictures? 276 00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,522 Hold off on that for a minute. 277 00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,424 I have nothing but The utmost respect... 278 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,293 Inspector, Inspector, believe me... 279 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,727 He didn't mean Anything personal. 280 00:13:05,751 --> 00:13:07,096 I know a lot of the men think 281 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,997 I'm an old, over-the-hill Cop, barney, 282 00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:11,667 Who comes in here from Time to time and bores them. 283 00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:12,701 That's ridiculous. 284 00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,936 You think I'm boring, barney? 285 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,505 Inspector, there's no reason... 286 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,674 I always thought I had a Pretty good sense of humor. 287 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,776 Get off a pretty good Story now and then. 288 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:25,403 I'm not exactly, uh, Herb shriner, but... 289 00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,251 Inspector, you wanted To talk to the men? 290 00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:30,319 Hmm? 291 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:31,320 Oh, yeah, yeah. 292 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:32,621 Dietrich. 293 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,490 Thanks, barney. 294 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:37,359 Dietrich, they dug A couple of cases 295 00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,183 Out of the files downtown. 296 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,653 Do I bore you, dietrich? 297 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,293 You'd have to give me Some specific examples. 298 00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:56,412 Okay, mr. Hamel. I got To put you in the cage. 299 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,436 Oh... 300 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,251 - hello? - hello, honey. 301 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,353 I'm mrs. Philip hamel, And my husband is... 302 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,421 Phil! 303 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:06,788 Hello, arlene. 304 00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:08,090 Are you in some sort of trouble? 305 00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,325 Inside. Inside, hamel. 306 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,826 Sergeant, this is my wife. 307 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,528 How do you do? 308 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:15,431 Phil, please, for god's sakes, Please tell me what's going on. 309 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,733 It's my specimen... At the bank. 310 00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:20,269 I found out this Morning, it went bad. 311 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,305 Oh, my god! 312 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,107 Take it easy, mrs. Hamel. It'll work out. 313 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:26,664 How?! 314 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,748 Bum deposit at the bank, eh? 315 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,450 Right. 316 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,018 Deadbeat. 317 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,042 I'm afraid so. 318 00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:47,096 Is that mrs. Hamel? 319 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,230 Yeah. 320 00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:49,564 How'd she take the news? 321 00:14:49,588 --> 00:14:50,922 Like a trouper. 322 00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:56,105 Well, I think I'll Shuffle off, bar... 323 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,339 Think I'll be on my way. 324 00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,441 Didn't you want to talk To the rest of the men? 325 00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,776 Oh, we talked. 326 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,111 Right? 327 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,845 I can personally Go back downtown 328 00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:06,581 And report that the integrity, 329 00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:09,118 The ethics of this Squad are intact. 330 00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,552 Right? 331 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,243 See you around, barney. 332 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,830 I'm, uh... I'm back. 333 00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:23,032 Barney: so I notice. 334 00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,833 What happened to your furniture? 335 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:26,735 It's on its way to poughkeepsie. 336 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,438 Now, that's a solution I Hadn't even considered. 337 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,373 Well, I've got an aunt up there. 338 00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:34,043 She said she'd keep the Stuff in her basement. 339 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,510 Congratulations. 340 00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:38,247 It's costing me 250 bucks, barney, 341 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,782 For him to drive the Stuff up there, but, uh... 342 00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:43,808 Well, it was either That or buy the truck. 343 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,159 Harris? Uh... 344 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,827 We seem to have Had a slight problem 345 00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,729 Communicating back there before. 346 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,165 I just want to apologize to you 347 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:59,501 If I inadvertently said Anything that offended you. 348 00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:02,404 Inspector, um, I was edgy. 349 00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:03,739 Good. 350 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:07,709 Because I got the greatest Regard for you, harris. 351 00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,611 A warm, personal fondness. 352 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:13,704 I think you're a fine officer And a good human being. 353 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,086 Thank you, inspector. 354 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,110 Right. 355 00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,277 It's something like that, huh? 356 00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:43,401 Yeah. 357 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,703 See you around, boys. 358 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,022 Excuse me, are you in charge? 359 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,424 Yes, I'm captain miller. 360 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:56,791 You know, my husband, 361 00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,228 He's never ever done Anything like this before. 362 00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,063 He's not a criminal. 363 00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:02,598 The problem, mrs. Hamel, 364 00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:05,167 Is that I really don't have Any discretion in this matter. 365 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,202 It's pretty much up To ms. Bateman here 366 00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,071 Whether she wants To press charges. 367 00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:10,905 Somebody has to Pay for the damage. 368 00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:12,441 You're damn right! 369 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:16,112 I'm talking about the furniture, Plants, our glass door. 370 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,246 We'll pay for them. 371 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,647 Mr. Hamel, you go Along with that? 372 00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:21,005 No, absolutely not. 373 00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:23,285 You'll go to jail! 374 00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,387 Good. I'll make an Example of them! 375 00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:27,456 But what am I supposed to Do while you're in prison? 376 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,292 Arlene, how long is it Gonna be? A few months? 377 00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:31,727 A year at the most. 378 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:34,719 Well, suppose I meet someone. 379 00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:42,459 Okay, you win. But I Want an itemized list. 380 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,808 Nick, turn him loose. 381 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:48,844 I can't thank you Enough, captain miller. 382 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,567 Don't mention it, mrs. Hamel. 383 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,017 Okay, just sign this, 384 00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,921 And I'll give you Your valuables. 385 00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:01,278 Well, your other valuables. 386 00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:08,063 Goodbye, sergeant. I'm leaving now. 387 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,666 Yeah, well, thanks For your help. 388 00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:15,537 You know, we also Take donations. 389 00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:20,509 Yeah, I-I like to give Blood at the red cross. 390 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,211 I'm sure they appreciate it. 391 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:25,414 However, I think a man like you Would welcome the opportunity 392 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:29,952 To pass along his genes To a whole new generation. 393 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,888 Well, I sort of like to... 394 00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:35,813 Keep track of where my genes go. 395 00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,083 Pity. 396 00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:43,599 That's it. 397 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,956 Yeah. 398 00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:49,938 Well... Thanks. 399 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,574 Oh, phil, phil, it's not The end of the world. 400 00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:54,076 It might as well be. 401 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:57,012 I don't got anybody To carry on my name. 402 00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,948 Well, look, look... We can always adopt. 403 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,950 I don't want to adopt! 404 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:04,186 I want a boy like me! 405 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,856 Or a girl like you. 406 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,958 With your face. 407 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,661 And your eyes. 408 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,351 Your smile. 409 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:20,936 But now forget it. It's over. 410 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,936 Come on. 411 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,573 There is one other alternative. 412 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:25,907 Pardon me? 413 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,909 When a couple is No longer capable 414 00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,745 Of having a child together, A method many people choose 415 00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:34,249 Is for the wife to be Artificially inseminated 416 00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:36,051 Using the specimen of a donor 417 00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,520 With the same physical and Morphological characteristics 418 00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:40,144 As the husband. 419 00:19:54,993 --> 00:19:57,739 Okay... Let's go, arlene. 420 00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,908 Can they really do that? 421 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,776 Yes, they can, mrs. Hamel. 422 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:02,778 Arlene. 423 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:03,812 We can go now. 424 00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,113 We can leave now, Right, captain? 425 00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,015 Yes, you can go. 426 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,217 I don't believe we've Been introduced. 427 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,653 For god's sakes, let's Get out of here, arlene. 428 00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:12,821 I'm arthur dietrich. 429 00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,422 - hi. - hi. 430 00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:16,825 - arlene. - what? 431 00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:19,862 Listen... You were right... 432 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,164 We can adopt. 433 00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,288 - whatever you say, hon. - all right. 434 00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:44,687 I thought you'd gone home. 435 00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,822 Very amusing, barney. 436 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,457 Sorry. 437 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:52,428 Haven't made any arrangements For accommodations? 438 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:56,498 Nah, just thought I'd spend A couple of nights here. 439 00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:59,468 I mean, if it's all Right with you. 440 00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:00,869 It's okay by me, 441 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:04,906 But I would imagine there Are better alternatives. 442 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:09,511 Even, um... Bunking With dietrich. 443 00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:12,648 Barney, please, I don't Care for that kind of talk. 444 00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:14,983 You're really letting This apartment thing 445 00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,507 Get the better of you. 446 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,222 Barney, it's... 447 00:21:20,246 --> 00:21:21,623 It's not just the apartment. 448 00:21:21,647 --> 00:21:23,180 I mean, it's everything. 449 00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:29,664 When I got out of school, 450 00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:31,266 I had a plan in my head 451 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:34,002 Of everything I was Gonna accomplish. 452 00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:36,638 Had it all mapped Out... Everything. 453 00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:37,939 I mean, by this time, 454 00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:40,842 I'm supposed to have My first novel published, 455 00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:43,012 A couple of Screenplays optioned. 456 00:21:43,036 --> 00:21:46,315 I figured, um, a stock Portfolio worth, 457 00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:48,717 Ah, $200,000. 458 00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:50,386 Sounds nice. 459 00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,253 And look at me now. 460 00:21:52,277 --> 00:21:54,390 I mean, I not only Don't have any of that, 461 00:21:54,414 --> 00:21:56,647 I don't even have A place to live. 462 00:22:00,552 --> 00:22:04,799 Harris, we all set Goals for ourselves. 463 00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:06,334 But you can't Expect to achieve it 464 00:22:06,358 --> 00:22:08,971 According to some timetable That you set up for yourself. 465 00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:11,195 I'm running real late, barney. 466 00:22:13,098 --> 00:22:16,044 Well, look, maybe You haven't achieved 467 00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,946 The progress you expected 468 00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:22,350 In your literary career Or financially, but, uh... 469 00:22:22,374 --> 00:22:24,408 Well, look at this. 470 00:22:25,811 --> 00:22:29,358 You're a... You're a good cop. 471 00:22:29,382 --> 00:22:32,026 You've done damn well. 472 00:22:32,050 --> 00:22:35,397 I had planned to Be captain by now. 473 00:22:35,421 --> 00:22:37,232 Oh, really? 474 00:22:37,256 --> 00:22:39,256 I mean, it can't be that tough. 475 00:22:40,559 --> 00:22:43,005 Well, I mean, uh... 476 00:22:43,029 --> 00:22:45,573 Takes a little, uh... 477 00:22:45,597 --> 00:22:47,131 Luck? 478 00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:50,145 Yeah. 479 00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:52,948 Oh, thank you. 480 00:22:52,972 --> 00:22:55,284 And, of course, experience. 481 00:22:55,308 --> 00:22:56,941 Thank you. 482 00:23:00,346 --> 00:23:02,724 Here's the manpower Report. I'm gonna take off. 483 00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:05,127 - okay, good night. - good night. 484 00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:06,962 I thought you'd left. 485 00:23:06,986 --> 00:23:08,864 Nah, I'm gonna Stay the night here. 486 00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,065 That's silly. 487 00:23:10,089 --> 00:23:11,633 I got an extra bed Just lying there. 488 00:23:11,657 --> 00:23:13,323 Nah, it's okay, dietrich. 489 00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:17,194 Sure, I don't blame you. 490 00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,241 What? 491 00:23:20,265 --> 00:23:24,313 Listen, I know you're Not crazy about me. 492 00:23:24,337 --> 00:23:26,236 I know I'm opinionated. 493 00:23:28,106 --> 00:23:30,752 I'm inclined to be a Little pedantic, I know. 494 00:23:30,776 --> 00:23:32,186 Verbose. 495 00:23:32,210 --> 00:23:33,510 Yeah. 496 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:40,217 I don't know. I get On people's nerves. 497 00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:43,465 All my life, you know? 498 00:23:43,489 --> 00:23:45,801 I don't know. I just Alienate people. 499 00:23:45,825 --> 00:23:49,171 Hey, listen, man. 500 00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:50,973 Don't, uh... 501 00:23:50,997 --> 00:23:54,476 Maybe I'll take you up on it. 502 00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,311 Oh, forget it. 503 00:23:56,335 --> 00:23:59,281 No, come on, I really mean it. 504 00:23:59,305 --> 00:24:01,671 No, that's okay, man. Forget it. 505 00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:05,442 Please, let me Come home with you. 506 00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:11,548 Okay. 507 00:24:13,352 --> 00:24:14,684 Want to snap it up? 35763

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