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1
00:00:00,409 --> 00:00:03,222
Okay, duty roster for
tomorrow. Four off, four on.
2
00:00:03,246 --> 00:00:05,557
Fish, you and Chano.
Nick, you and Wojciehowicz.
3
00:00:05,581 --> 00:00:06,992
How much longer
4
00:00:07,016 --> 00:00:08,694
is Harris going to
be on court duty?
5
00:00:08,718 --> 00:00:10,896
Tuesday, he was
wearing his brown suit,
6
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:14,033
Wednesday, his
houndstooth jacket.
7
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,434
Today, he was wearing
the blue gabardine.
8
00:00:15,458 --> 00:00:17,302
He ought to be
through on Monday.
9
00:00:17,326 --> 00:00:19,038
He only has two more outfits.
10
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:21,240
So long.
11
00:00:21,264 --> 00:00:22,930
Yeah, okay.
12
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,779
Captain, we just
booked this guy.
13
00:00:26,803 --> 00:00:27,913
He's drunk.
14
00:00:27,937 --> 00:00:29,414
Disorderly conduct.
15
00:00:29,438 --> 00:00:32,684
I think that is a total
exaggeration, don't you?
16
00:00:32,708 --> 00:00:34,186
What'd you bring
him up here for?
17
00:00:34,210 --> 00:00:35,187
This isn't a drunk tank.
18
00:00:35,211 --> 00:00:36,255
He's a government official.
19
00:00:36,279 --> 00:00:37,589
His name's Heis.
20
00:00:37,613 --> 00:00:39,524
Name's not Heis.
21
00:00:39,548 --> 00:00:43,785
Name's Heis, not Heis.
22
00:00:46,355 --> 00:00:49,769
Mr. Heis... That's better.
23
00:00:49,793 --> 00:00:52,004
Is it true you're with
the federal government?
24
00:00:52,028 --> 00:00:56,041
I'm with the federal
government, did you know that?
25
00:00:56,065 --> 00:00:57,176
What is your connection
26
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,146
with the government?
27
00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:02,314
I happen to be the chief of
28
00:01:02,338 --> 00:01:07,419
the Bureau of Federal Regional
Development and Planning
29
00:01:07,443 --> 00:01:09,989
for Underdeveloped
Suburban Areas,
30
00:01:10,013 --> 00:01:13,192
Mines, Parks and Indians.
31
00:01:13,216 --> 00:01:17,562
That was my payoff
in the last election.
32
00:01:17,586 --> 00:01:19,098
How do you like that?
33
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:22,668
They say he delivered 49 states.
34
00:01:22,692 --> 00:01:30,042
Well, donkey dust. Six
of those states were mine.
35
00:01:30,066 --> 00:01:33,179
Soon as the election is over,
he called me into his office,
36
00:01:33,203 --> 00:01:38,350
you know... And he said,
37
00:01:38,374 --> 00:01:42,288
"Ed, that was a bang-up
job you did in the last election,
38
00:01:42,312 --> 00:01:45,390
"and to show my appreciation,
39
00:01:45,414 --> 00:01:48,160
"I'm going to make
you the chief of
40
00:01:48,184 --> 00:01:52,965
"the Bureau of Federal Regional
Development and Planning
41
00:01:52,989 --> 00:01:56,035
"for Underdeveloped
Suburban Areas,
42
00:01:56,059 --> 00:01:58,059
Mines, Parks and Indians."
43
00:02:00,129 --> 00:02:03,408
Well, thanks a bunch, big fella.
44
00:02:03,432 --> 00:02:06,011
What are you doing
in New York, Mr. Heis?
45
00:02:06,035 --> 00:02:07,880
Well, I happen to be involved
46
00:02:07,904 --> 00:02:10,883
in a series of meetings
47
00:02:10,907 --> 00:02:12,606
to...
48
00:03:01,391 --> 00:03:05,271
Did you know there are
over 1,200 federal bureaus
49
00:03:05,295 --> 00:03:06,906
in Washington, D.C.?
50
00:03:06,930 --> 00:03:09,074
The operator says most of
them aren't listed separately.
51
00:03:09,098 --> 00:03:10,109
No number on the card?
52
00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:13,045
There's no room on the card.
53
00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:14,280
Where the hell's Chano?
54
00:03:14,304 --> 00:03:15,714
It's almost lunchtime.
He's not in yet?
55
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,682
Oh, yeah, he called
in. He's on something.
56
00:03:17,706 --> 00:03:20,107
That's good, you
got all the details.
57
00:03:22,278 --> 00:03:23,855
Well, he was hot,
58
00:03:23,879 --> 00:03:25,657
and when he gets hot,
he starts talking fast,
59
00:03:25,681 --> 00:03:27,426
and half of it's in Spanish.
60
00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:28,727
I mean, that's how come
61
00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:29,962
I flunked Spanish
in high school.
62
00:03:29,986 --> 00:03:31,063
You've got to talk fast
63
00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:32,898
or it's wrong.
64
00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:35,401
Latins are very
emotional people.
65
00:03:35,425 --> 00:03:37,158
I flunked Latin too.
66
00:03:43,032 --> 00:03:44,109
You know what I hate?
67
00:03:44,133 --> 00:03:45,666
Prunes?
68
00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,448
I hate people
that got no respect
69
00:03:49,472 --> 00:03:51,183
for the property and
rights of other people.
70
00:03:51,207 --> 00:03:52,384
That's what I hate.
71
00:03:52,408 --> 00:03:54,786
Also, promptness. Where
the hell have you been?
72
00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:56,188
Investigating a burglary.
73
00:03:56,212 --> 00:03:57,589
Where?
74
00:03:57,613 --> 00:04:00,326
In my apartment.
75
00:04:00,350 --> 00:04:03,362
You mean you got ripped off?
76
00:04:03,386 --> 00:04:04,496
Can you believe that?
77
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:05,730
You know, on my door,
78
00:04:05,754 --> 00:04:07,399
it says, "Amenguale, Chano,
79
00:04:07,423 --> 00:04:09,801
Sergeant, N.Y.P.D.,"
80
00:04:09,825 --> 00:04:10,869
and in spite of that...
81
00:04:13,863 --> 00:04:16,308
I told you, hot and fast.
82
00:04:17,933 --> 00:04:19,211
What time did it happen?
83
00:04:19,235 --> 00:04:20,479
I don't know, last night,
84
00:04:20,503 --> 00:04:23,248
between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m.
85
00:04:23,272 --> 00:04:24,783
Oh, while you were
sleeping? Yeah.
86
00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:25,917
You didn't hear anything?
87
00:04:25,941 --> 00:04:29,188
I don't sleep in my apartment.
88
00:04:29,212 --> 00:04:31,357
I hope it was worth it.
89
00:04:31,381 --> 00:04:32,724
Oh, yeah.
90
00:04:32,748 --> 00:04:34,593
It's the principle of this
thing that bothers me.
91
00:04:34,617 --> 00:04:37,129
All right, just
try to look at this
92
00:04:37,153 --> 00:04:38,563
as an everyday burglary
93
00:04:38,587 --> 00:04:39,564
and fill out a report.
94
00:04:39,588 --> 00:04:41,766
Yeah, Barney, that's
easy for you to say,
95
00:04:41,790 --> 00:04:43,702
but you know how
embarrassing it's going to be
96
00:04:43,726 --> 00:04:45,904
for me to put my name
down under "victim"?
97
00:04:45,928 --> 00:04:47,473
Oh, my God,
98
00:04:47,497 --> 00:04:49,041
will somebody help me?
99
00:04:49,065 --> 00:04:51,276
Good morning, Mr. Heis.
100
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:54,079
How are you feeling today?
101
00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:57,138
Am I in an elevator?
102
00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:00,652
Not in this building.
103
00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:02,954
You're in the 12th Precinct,
104
00:05:02,978 --> 00:05:03,955
sir.
105
00:05:03,979 --> 00:05:05,357
12th Precinct? Where's that?
106
00:05:05,381 --> 00:05:07,426
On Sixth Street.
107
00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:09,794
In what city?
108
00:05:09,818 --> 00:05:10,795
New York.
109
00:05:10,819 --> 00:05:12,998
You think you can
handle a cup of coffee?
110
00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:14,233
I'd very much like to try.
111
00:05:14,257 --> 00:05:16,035
Nick, let him out.
112
00:05:16,059 --> 00:05:18,904
Try to make him as
comfortable as possible.
113
00:05:18,928 --> 00:05:22,263
Okay, Mr. Heis, mezzanine.
114
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:28,947
Drinking should be done in
the privacy of one's home...
115
00:05:28,971 --> 00:05:32,184
where it's necessary.
116
00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:34,586
Here you are, Mr. Heis.
117
00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:37,989
Oh, thanks, that tastes great.
118
00:05:38,013 --> 00:05:39,591
Would you like some more?
119
00:05:39,615 --> 00:05:40,759
No, thank you.
120
00:05:40,783 --> 00:05:42,661
I don't think I can
handle what I've got.
121
00:05:42,685 --> 00:05:44,118
Where's the...?
122
00:05:45,754 --> 00:05:49,601
I don't want to hear,
"Murray, where you been?
123
00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:53,472
Where are the sandwiches?
You said 12:15. It's 12:30."
124
00:05:53,496 --> 00:05:55,340
Murray, where you
been? It's 12:30.
125
00:05:55,364 --> 00:05:57,609
I told you I didn't
want to hear that.
126
00:05:57,633 --> 00:05:59,078
Who gets the pastrami
with mayonnaise?
127
00:05:59,102 --> 00:06:00,679
I do. It figures.
128
00:06:00,703 --> 00:06:01,846
Who gets the corned beef
129
00:06:01,870 --> 00:06:02,948
with ketchup?
130
00:06:02,972 --> 00:06:03,949
Here.
131
00:06:03,973 --> 00:06:05,417
You should know better.
132
00:06:05,441 --> 00:06:08,087
Two hard-boiled
eggs, cottage cheese,
133
00:06:08,111 --> 00:06:09,721
hot water and half a lemon?
134
00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,890
Mine. I'm sorry to hear that.
135
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,758
Ham and cheese?
136
00:06:13,782 --> 00:06:15,860
Mine.
137
00:06:15,884 --> 00:06:18,063
Turkey-egg salad combo?
138
00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:20,966
That's mine.
139
00:06:20,990 --> 00:06:22,067
Liverwurst?
140
00:06:22,091 --> 00:06:23,235
Also mine.
141
00:06:23,259 --> 00:06:25,770
Animal.
142
00:06:25,794 --> 00:06:27,606
Hey, where's my
sashimi and cream cheese
143
00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:28,640
on a bagel?
144
00:06:28,664 --> 00:06:30,642
Here, it's called "lox."
145
00:06:30,666 --> 00:06:35,080
The hell it is. We
had it before you did.
146
00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:38,950
Your total,
gentlemen, is $10.87,
147
00:06:38,974 --> 00:06:41,186
not including a generous tip.
148
00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:45,224
Nothing for the man
from La Mancha?
149
00:06:45,248 --> 00:06:47,659
No, thanks, I lost my appetite,
150
00:06:47,683 --> 00:06:50,095
along with an FM
radio, a wristwatch,
151
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:51,597
and a sterling-silver frame
152
00:06:51,621 --> 00:06:52,831
with a picture of my mother
153
00:06:52,855 --> 00:06:53,832
on the mantelpiece.
154
00:06:53,856 --> 00:06:54,899
Why would you take
155
00:06:54,923 --> 00:06:55,967
a picture of your mother
156
00:06:55,991 --> 00:06:57,724
on the mantelpiece?
157
00:06:59,762 --> 00:07:01,373
Not a picture of my mother
158
00:07:01,397 --> 00:07:04,409
on the mantelpiece,
a picture of my mother
159
00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:05,511
on the mantelpiece.
160
00:07:05,535 --> 00:07:06,512
Understand?
161
00:07:06,536 --> 00:07:08,313
Nothing to eat, right?
162
00:07:08,337 --> 00:07:10,282
Right.
163
00:07:10,306 --> 00:07:13,485
Here, Murray, keep the
change, if there is any.
164
00:07:13,509 --> 00:07:14,486
Is there any?
165
00:07:14,510 --> 00:07:16,188
It's possible.
166
00:07:16,212 --> 00:07:17,623
Thank you.
167
00:07:17,647 --> 00:07:20,526
Enjoy, gentlemen, enjoy,
168
00:07:20,550 --> 00:07:23,395
and may heartburn
be a stranger to you.
169
00:07:23,419 --> 00:07:26,198
So long, Murray.
170
00:07:26,222 --> 00:07:27,866
Look what I found.
171
00:07:27,890 --> 00:07:30,369
I am the only
policeman in this precinct
172
00:07:30,393 --> 00:07:32,103
who has ever been robbed.
173
00:07:32,127 --> 00:07:33,738
Look what I found.
174
00:07:33,762 --> 00:07:36,675
There's a dead
fly in my sandwich,
175
00:07:36,699 --> 00:07:38,143
right in the middle
of my egg salad.
176
00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:39,167
Oh.
177
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:45,750
You sure it's a fly?
178
00:07:45,774 --> 00:07:47,586
Maybe it's a little
piece of olive.
179
00:07:47,610 --> 00:07:51,256
Since when do olives have wings?
180
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:54,560
When they die and go to heaven.
181
00:07:54,584 --> 00:07:57,929
Hey, Chano, look at this thing.
182
00:07:57,953 --> 00:07:59,064
Look, man, in my neighborhood,
183
00:07:59,088 --> 00:08:00,832
if there's more
egg salad than fly,
184
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:02,523
we don't complain, so...
185
00:08:04,159 --> 00:08:05,370
Hey, Barn, isn't this against
186
00:08:05,394 --> 00:08:07,673
the Sanitation Ordinance?
187
00:08:07,697 --> 00:08:09,508
I would imagine so, yes.
188
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:10,509
Well, then,
189
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:11,677
this should be reported, right?
190
00:08:11,701 --> 00:08:14,045
Don't be such a crime fighter.
191
00:08:14,069 --> 00:08:15,280
Besides,
192
00:08:15,304 --> 00:08:17,082
nobody else in the
neighborhood delivers.
193
00:08:17,106 --> 00:08:18,850
Hey, guys, look,
194
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:20,452
what if it hadn't
been a fly, huh?
195
00:08:20,476 --> 00:08:22,654
I mean, what if it had
been a piece of rock
196
00:08:22,678 --> 00:08:24,223
or a piece of metal I bit on?
197
00:08:24,247 --> 00:08:28,059
Wojo's got a point
there. There is a law.
198
00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:29,695
I'm going to call the
Health Department
199
00:08:29,719 --> 00:08:33,632
and have them issue a citation.
200
00:08:33,656 --> 00:08:35,267
It's your prerogative.
201
00:08:35,291 --> 00:08:36,957
Thanks, Barn.
202
00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:41,940
When I see one of my
men so dedicated to duty,
203
00:08:41,964 --> 00:08:43,709
I don't fuss around with him.
204
00:08:43,733 --> 00:08:45,043
No, no, no, no.
205
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,745
We don't allow anybody
from outside the neighborhood
206
00:08:46,769 --> 00:08:48,809
inside the neighborhood,
no, no, no, no.
207
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,250
Yeah, Health Department?
208
00:08:51,274 --> 00:08:53,017
Yeah, this is Detective
Wojciehowicz.
209
00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:55,354
At the 12th Precinct.
210
00:08:55,378 --> 00:08:57,055
Yeah, I want to
report a violation
211
00:08:57,079 --> 00:09:00,158
of sanitation code 1707
212
00:09:00,182 --> 00:09:02,227
by a restaurant in our precinct.
213
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,129
Yeah, yeah.
214
00:09:04,153 --> 00:09:06,331
Murray's Delicatessen on Hudson.
215
00:09:06,355 --> 00:09:07,666
It was a foreign object
216
00:09:07,690 --> 00:09:08,833
in my egg salad.
217
00:09:08,857 --> 00:09:10,168
How are you feeling, Mr. Heis?
218
00:09:10,192 --> 00:09:11,270
Any better?
219
00:09:11,294 --> 00:09:14,439
Please, please, don't
shake me like that.
220
00:09:14,463 --> 00:09:16,608
Nobody touched you.
221
00:09:16,632 --> 00:09:19,844
My God, you mean that's
happening inside me?
222
00:09:19,868 --> 00:09:21,045
I'm afraid so.
223
00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:27,352
12th Precinct. Fish.
224
00:09:27,376 --> 00:09:29,242
Speak English, will you?
225
00:09:32,548 --> 00:09:34,259
Martinez?
226
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:36,428
Yeah, yeah, I'll tell him.
227
00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:38,930
Chano, someone's in
Martinez Pawn Shop
228
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:40,131
trying to sell your watch.
229
00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:42,634
You're kid... Isn't
that disgusting?
230
00:09:42,658 --> 00:09:44,803
Hey, Barney, look,
I'll be back at...
231
00:09:44,827 --> 00:09:46,971
Soon, huh?
232
00:09:46,995 --> 00:09:48,873
Would...?
233
00:09:48,897 --> 00:09:50,475
Would you get me a cab, please?
234
00:09:50,499 --> 00:09:52,778
I've got to get
back to my hotel.
235
00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:53,978
I'm afraid I can't do that,
236
00:09:54,002 --> 00:09:54,979
Mr. Heis,
237
00:09:55,003 --> 00:09:56,315
but you can use the telephone,
238
00:09:56,339 --> 00:09:57,549
call a lawyer and arrange bail.
239
00:09:57,573 --> 00:09:59,984
Bail? What bail?
240
00:10:00,008 --> 00:10:03,221
You were arrested, Mr. Heis,
241
00:10:03,245 --> 00:10:04,356
for being drunk.
242
00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:06,692
Disorderly conduct.
243
00:10:06,716 --> 00:10:08,193
Still kicking us around, hey?
244
00:10:08,217 --> 00:10:09,661
We're all marked lousy
245
00:10:09,685 --> 00:10:12,531
because one fella stubs his toe.
246
00:10:12,555 --> 00:10:14,666
Mr. Heis,
247
00:10:14,690 --> 00:10:16,468
the alcohol content
in your blood
248
00:10:16,492 --> 00:10:17,736
was above the legal limit.
249
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:21,807
I wasn't even in
Washington that night.
250
00:10:21,831 --> 00:10:24,676
I don't keep a grudge, Mr. Heis,
251
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:26,511
but you were drunk.
252
00:10:26,535 --> 00:10:27,512
Oh, all right.
253
00:10:27,536 --> 00:10:30,482
I do occasionally take a drink,
254
00:10:30,506 --> 00:10:33,885
but it is because
I do not like to fly.
255
00:10:33,909 --> 00:10:35,887
I'm not nuts
about flying myself.
256
00:10:35,911 --> 00:10:37,021
Where's the telephone?
257
00:10:37,045 --> 00:10:38,223
Right on the desk.
258
00:10:38,247 --> 00:10:39,224
We're...
259
00:10:39,248 --> 00:10:41,226
We're all supposed
to be perfect, eh?
260
00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:43,362
No one expects a politician
261
00:10:43,386 --> 00:10:44,663
to be perfect, Mr. Heis.
262
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:48,266
God knows.
263
00:10:48,290 --> 00:10:49,868
I appreciate the fact
264
00:10:49,892 --> 00:10:51,470
we're more or less
in the same business.
265
00:10:51,494 --> 00:10:52,504
We both serve the public.
266
00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:53,705
I'm only trying to help you.
267
00:10:53,729 --> 00:10:56,597
Well, I'm not paying
any damned bail.
268
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,278
Then you're just going to have
269
00:11:00,302 --> 00:11:01,680
to stay locked
up until the trial.
270
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:03,314
How...?
271
00:11:03,338 --> 00:11:04,383
How would you like
272
00:11:04,407 --> 00:11:06,585
to find yourself walking a beat
273
00:11:06,609 --> 00:11:08,687
in an underdeveloped
suburban area?
274
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:11,390
Hmm?
275
00:11:11,414 --> 00:11:15,026
I'm going to pretend
you didn't say that.
276
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,829
You want to take on
the federal government?
277
00:11:17,853 --> 00:11:19,097
You'd like to lock horns
278
00:11:19,121 --> 00:11:22,000
with the United
States of America?
279
00:11:26,328 --> 00:11:31,743
Operator, I want to
talk to Washington, D.C.,
280
00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:33,578
person to person,
281
00:11:33,602 --> 00:11:36,381
to the secretary
of the interior.
282
00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:40,318
This is Edmund J. Heis.
283
00:11:40,342 --> 00:11:44,589
I happen to be the
chief of the Bureau
284
00:11:44,613 --> 00:11:48,760
of the Federal Regional
Development and Planning
285
00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:52,319
of Under...
286
00:11:55,123 --> 00:11:56,334
Huh?
287
00:11:56,358 --> 00:11:58,770
The Board of Health
288
00:11:58,794 --> 00:12:00,705
just closed Grossman's
Delicatessen.
289
00:12:00,729 --> 00:12:01,795
They just called me.
290
00:12:04,733 --> 00:12:06,511
That's the way it goes.
291
00:12:06,535 --> 00:12:10,437
Yeah. That's the way it goes.
292
00:12:12,407 --> 00:12:13,807
Yeah.
293
00:12:18,681 --> 00:12:21,059
Well, Barney...
294
00:12:21,083 --> 00:12:25,497
I'd just like to say
how much I admire you
295
00:12:25,521 --> 00:12:27,131
for standing up
to that politician
296
00:12:27,155 --> 00:12:28,633
the way you have.
297
00:12:28,657 --> 00:12:32,604
Some days, this job is
tougher than other days.
298
00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:34,573
Yeah, I guess so.
299
00:12:34,597 --> 00:12:35,774
People got to learn
300
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,918
they can't play fast
and loose with the law.
301
00:12:39,602 --> 00:12:41,880
You do what you have to do.
302
00:12:41,904 --> 00:12:44,304
You take the consequences
for your actions.
303
00:12:46,441 --> 00:12:50,744
It's like... You and
me against the world.
304
00:12:54,449 --> 00:12:56,650
Those are frightening
odds, Wojo.
305
00:13:03,225 --> 00:13:05,971
I just made this
fresh, Mr. Heis.
306
00:13:05,995 --> 00:13:10,208
Oh, thank... Thank
you very much.
307
00:13:10,232 --> 00:13:12,711
Do you think I could call
the secretary of the interior
308
00:13:12,735 --> 00:13:13,812
again?
309
00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:15,847
You already called three times.
310
00:13:15,871 --> 00:13:18,483
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.
311
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:21,753
Well, that's Washington for you.
312
00:13:21,777 --> 00:13:23,722
I know what you mean.
313
00:13:23,746 --> 00:13:26,892
We've been trying to
get an income-tax break
314
00:13:26,916 --> 00:13:30,629
for retired police
officers for 26 years.
315
00:13:30,653 --> 00:13:32,731
They haven't called us either.
316
00:13:32,755 --> 00:13:36,134
That doesn't seem fair.
317
00:13:36,158 --> 00:13:40,071
I don't suppose you
could put a word in for us?
318
00:13:40,095 --> 00:13:41,194
I mean, after you get out.
319
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:46,277
I'll do the best I can.
320
00:13:46,301 --> 00:13:48,346
What did you do to me?
321
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,348
You wanted to kill me,
why wouldn't you shoot me?
322
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,482
You got plenty guns.
323
00:13:51,506 --> 00:13:52,984
What's the matter, Murray?
324
00:13:53,008 --> 00:13:54,686
What's the matter?
325
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:55,987
There's a padlock on my door
326
00:13:56,011 --> 00:13:57,188
and a sticker,
327
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:59,157
"Closed by the order
of Board of Health."
328
00:13:59,181 --> 00:14:00,391
Death from a sticker.
329
00:14:00,415 --> 00:14:01,459
Oh, I hope you're happy.
330
00:14:01,483 --> 00:14:03,327
Take it easy,
Murray, take it easy.
331
00:14:03,351 --> 00:14:04,729
Oh, sure, take it easy.
332
00:14:04,753 --> 00:14:06,064
Walk through my neighborhood
333
00:14:06,088 --> 00:14:07,298
and listen to the yelling.
334
00:14:07,322 --> 00:14:08,833
"Unclean, filthy person,"
335
00:14:08,857 --> 00:14:10,268
they yell at me.
336
00:14:10,292 --> 00:14:11,870
Children used to call
me "Uncle Murray."
337
00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:13,237
Now, it's "Dirty Grossman."
338
00:14:13,261 --> 00:14:15,607
I was only trying to
enforce the law, Murray.
339
00:14:15,631 --> 00:14:20,745
Oh, so it was you,
the Polish "Mr. Clean."
340
00:14:20,769 --> 00:14:23,347
All right, all right. Take it
easy, take it easy, take it easy.
341
00:14:23,371 --> 00:14:24,482
What does the citation say?
342
00:14:24,506 --> 00:14:25,684
It says, "Keep your mouth shut
343
00:14:25,708 --> 00:14:26,785
and do what you're told."
344
00:14:26,809 --> 00:14:28,019
Democracy in action.
345
00:14:28,043 --> 00:14:29,187
Relax, Murray.
346
00:14:29,211 --> 00:14:30,555
It says, "Clean the...
347
00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:34,559
Repaint... Refurbish..."
348
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:36,427
Looks like you're going to
have to remodel, Murray.
349
00:14:36,451 --> 00:14:38,396
Remodel?
350
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,598
Take it easy. It's not serious.
351
00:14:39,622 --> 00:14:40,865
Oh, it killed my brother.
352
00:14:40,889 --> 00:14:44,202
Murray, all you do is
put in a few new fixtures,
353
00:14:44,226 --> 00:14:45,470
a little general renovation.
354
00:14:45,494 --> 00:14:46,771
Oh, don't give me
"general renovations."
355
00:14:46,795 --> 00:14:48,172
What is it going to cost me?
356
00:14:48,196 --> 00:14:50,575
Murray, it's not my department.
Take it to the Board of Health.
357
00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:51,776
They'll give you
all the details.
358
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,845
Wonderful. You
throw me to the lions,
359
00:14:53,869 --> 00:14:54,913
now I gotta go ask
360
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:57,949
what parts they'd like to eat?
361
00:14:57,973 --> 00:14:59,150
What did he do?
362
00:14:59,174 --> 00:15:01,385
He sold Wojo
363
00:15:01,409 --> 00:15:03,476
an egg-salad-and-dead-fly
sandwich.
364
00:15:05,213 --> 00:15:07,692
I remember when that came up.
365
00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:17,736
All right.
366
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:18,937
Now, what's your name?
367
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,094
Ricardo Montalban.
368
00:15:23,365 --> 00:15:24,743
You got a great sense of humor.
369
00:15:24,767 --> 00:15:26,745
You're going to have
a lot of fun in prison.
370
00:15:26,769 --> 00:15:28,046
I'm not going to prison.
371
00:15:28,070 --> 00:15:30,048
No? Where do you think
they send you for stealing?
372
00:15:30,072 --> 00:15:31,082
Disneyland?
373
00:15:31,106 --> 00:15:33,151
I didn't steal nothing.
374
00:15:33,175 --> 00:15:35,787
All right. What's your name?
375
00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:37,455
Manolo Reyes.
376
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:38,623
How old are you?
377
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:39,647
12.
378
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:43,795
Where did you get the watch?
379
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,097
Somebody gave it to me.
380
00:15:46,121 --> 00:15:47,699
Who gave it to you?
381
00:15:47,723 --> 00:15:49,901
The guy who got his
name on the watch.
382
00:15:49,925 --> 00:15:52,203
And who's got his
name on the watch?
383
00:15:52,227 --> 00:15:54,973
C. Amenguale. He gave it to me.
384
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,709
I got a big surprise
for you, kid.
385
00:15:57,733 --> 00:16:00,211
I am C. Amenguale. What
do you got to say to that?
386
00:16:00,235 --> 00:16:03,403
Didn't you give it to me?
387
00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:06,384
My God.
388
00:16:06,408 --> 00:16:07,518
How old is he?
389
00:16:07,542 --> 00:16:10,789
Twelve years old.
Ain't that a shame?
390
00:16:10,813 --> 00:16:12,891
"Cops and robbers" used
to be a different game.
391
00:16:12,915 --> 00:16:14,025
Yeah.
392
00:16:14,049 --> 00:16:16,027
Somebody wanted to
be a cop once in a while.
393
00:16:16,051 --> 00:16:17,428
Get your stuff back?
394
00:16:17,452 --> 00:16:18,629
Are you kidding? He sold it.
395
00:16:18,653 --> 00:16:19,698
They got him with $40
396
00:16:19,722 --> 00:16:20,699
in his pocket.
397
00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:21,900
You imagine that?
398
00:16:21,924 --> 00:16:23,644
For my picture frame
and a brand-new stereo.
399
00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:27,972
You may be a good burglar,
kid. You're a lousy businessman.
400
00:16:27,996 --> 00:16:28,973
Captain Miller.
401
00:16:28,997 --> 00:16:30,641
Could I talk to you a minute?
402
00:16:30,665 --> 00:16:32,376
Sure. Come on in my office.
403
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,812
Hey, Wojo,
404
00:16:33,836 --> 00:16:36,214
what do you want me to
do about lunch from now on?
405
00:16:36,238 --> 00:16:39,718
Hey, we do what we have to do,
406
00:16:39,742 --> 00:16:41,552
and then we take
the consequences
407
00:16:41,576 --> 00:16:42,609
for our actions.
408
00:16:48,316 --> 00:16:50,095
Are you sure there
hasn't been a call
409
00:16:50,119 --> 00:16:51,562
from the Department
of the Interior?
410
00:16:51,586 --> 00:16:53,364
We wouldn't keep a
thing like that from you,
411
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:54,487
would we, Mr. Heis?
412
00:16:56,324 --> 00:16:58,770
No, no, of course not.
413
00:16:58,794 --> 00:17:03,007
Well, it's pretty hard to
keep track of all of us.
414
00:17:03,031 --> 00:17:05,110
You know... You know
how many bureaus
415
00:17:05,134 --> 00:17:06,244
there are in Washington?
416
00:17:06,268 --> 00:17:08,179
Over 1,200.
417
00:17:08,203 --> 00:17:11,216
Oh, boy, do they know
how to make bureaus.
418
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,085
Well, they've had
a lot of experience.
419
00:17:14,109 --> 00:17:17,321
You know, I... I
don't blame them
420
00:17:17,345 --> 00:17:20,424
for being upset about me,
421
00:17:20,448 --> 00:17:22,326
because, you see,
422
00:17:22,350 --> 00:17:25,029
this isn't the
first time that...
423
00:17:25,053 --> 00:17:26,664
I've been afraid of flying.
424
00:17:26,688 --> 00:17:32,003
One time, in Kansas City, I
was petrified for three days.
425
00:17:32,027 --> 00:17:34,305
Did you ever try the train?
426
00:17:34,329 --> 00:17:36,440
I'm scared of trains too.
427
00:17:36,464 --> 00:17:39,677
Maybe your problem
isn't travel, Mr. Heis.
428
00:17:39,701 --> 00:17:46,885
Yeah, yeah. Well,
you see... Well...
429
00:17:46,909 --> 00:17:49,654
All I've tried to do is
be a little meaningful,
430
00:17:49,678 --> 00:17:50,755
but it's very difficult
431
00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:53,557
when you're the head of a bureau
432
00:17:53,581 --> 00:17:57,328
that takes five minutes to say
433
00:17:57,352 --> 00:17:59,898
and 30 seconds to forget.
434
00:17:59,922 --> 00:18:02,600
Would you like to
try your office again?
435
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:06,871
Uh... No, I tried that.
436
00:18:06,895 --> 00:18:09,674
All the extensions
were out of order.
437
00:18:09,698 --> 00:18:11,042
That's the first sign.
438
00:18:11,066 --> 00:18:14,512
Ah, well, what the hell.
439
00:18:14,536 --> 00:18:16,815
What I really
wanted to say was...
440
00:18:16,839 --> 00:18:21,119
could you help me arrange bail?
441
00:18:21,143 --> 00:18:22,787
Barney, there's a lawyer outside
442
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,255
that says he represents
the federal government.
443
00:18:24,279 --> 00:18:25,256
Send him in.
444
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,859
Keep your fingers crossed, E.J.
445
00:18:27,883 --> 00:18:28,860
Captain Miller?
446
00:18:28,884 --> 00:18:29,928
Yes.
447
00:18:29,952 --> 00:18:30,929
You're holding a
government official
448
00:18:30,953 --> 00:18:32,330
by the name of E.J. Heis?
449
00:18:32,354 --> 00:18:33,431
Mr. Heis.
450
00:18:33,455 --> 00:18:35,599
Oh, how do you do, Mr. Heis?
451
00:18:35,623 --> 00:18:38,036
I'm an attorney with
French, Edgeworth, Blare,
452
00:18:38,060 --> 00:18:39,037
Jackson and Challenger.
453
00:18:39,061 --> 00:18:40,371
How do you do, Mr. French?
454
00:18:40,395 --> 00:18:41,639
The name is Boley.
455
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:42,640
Boley?
456
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:43,942
Wayne Boley.
457
00:18:43,966 --> 00:18:45,810
Now, captain, I have a writ here
458
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,213
for the immediate
release of Mr. E.J. Heis,
459
00:18:48,237 --> 00:18:50,849
and may I say, Captain
Miller, that I am amazed
460
00:18:50,873 --> 00:18:52,851
that this kind of treatment
could have been accorded
461
00:18:52,875 --> 00:18:54,719
a member of the United
States State Department.
462
00:18:54,743 --> 00:18:57,488
Mr. Heis isn't with
the State Department.
463
00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,756
I beg your pardon?
464
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:00,424
I'm a bureau chief.
465
00:19:00,448 --> 00:19:01,993
The Bureau of
466
00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:03,328
Federal Regional Development
467
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:04,495
and Planning
468
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,497
for Underdeveloped
Suburban Areas,
469
00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:08,632
Parks, Mines and Indians.
470
00:19:08,656 --> 00:19:11,336
I would say, Captain Miller,
471
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,904
you're going to
have a great deal
472
00:19:12,928 --> 00:19:15,273
to explain.
473
00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:18,809
And to whom am I going to
have to explain this great deal?
474
00:19:18,833 --> 00:19:20,912
To the secretary
of the interior,
475
00:19:20,936 --> 00:19:21,913
I would think.
476
00:19:21,937 --> 00:19:23,581
I'm afraid you've used
477
00:19:23,605 --> 00:19:25,149
very poor judgment.
478
00:19:25,173 --> 00:19:27,352
Now, please, Mr. Boley, just...
479
00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:29,354
Let me handle this,
let me handle this.
480
00:19:29,378 --> 00:19:30,521
Let me straighten you out
481
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:32,056
as to a few facts, Mr. Boley.
482
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,724
Fine, I'd like to get the facts.
483
00:19:33,748 --> 00:19:35,026
All right, the facts are
484
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:37,661
that this man was brought
into this police station
485
00:19:37,685 --> 00:19:40,086
completely and utterly...
486
00:19:42,624 --> 00:19:45,770
The alcohol level
in his blood...
487
00:19:45,794 --> 00:19:47,372
Above the legal limit.
488
00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:48,594
How much above?
489
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,711
Not much.
490
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:57,248
Then would it be inappropriate
to say, Captain Miller,
491
00:19:57,272 --> 00:19:59,317
that you are making
a federal case of this?
492
00:19:59,341 --> 00:20:04,389
You could say that, but
you wouldn't be the first.
493
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:06,857
Mr. Heis, I think
this can all be settled
494
00:20:06,881 --> 00:20:08,759
very simply and very swiftly,
495
00:20:08,783 --> 00:20:10,028
that is unless you wish
496
00:20:10,052 --> 00:20:12,663
to make a point of
the arbitrary arrest.
497
00:20:12,687 --> 00:20:13,764
Arbitrary arrest?
498
00:20:13,788 --> 00:20:17,201
Mr. Boley, I don't think
499
00:20:17,225 --> 00:20:19,904
we can expect
policemen to be perfect.
500
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:21,739
God knows.
501
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:25,143
God knows.
502
00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:27,611
Uh...
503
00:20:27,635 --> 00:20:29,680
Thank you very much
for your hospitality.
504
00:20:29,704 --> 00:20:30,915
My pleasure.
505
00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:33,084
I won't be seeing you again.
506
00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:34,685
Going back to Washington?
507
00:20:34,709 --> 00:20:35,709
I think so.
508
00:20:37,879 --> 00:20:39,958
Flying, Mr. Heis?
509
00:20:39,982 --> 00:20:43,683
Bussing, Captain Miller.
510
00:20:48,523 --> 00:20:50,201
I thought you were closed.
511
00:20:50,225 --> 00:20:51,369
I bring you a bulletin.
512
00:20:51,393 --> 00:20:54,372
Grossman's All-New
Gourmet Delicatessen
513
00:20:54,396 --> 00:20:55,706
will re-open on Monday,
514
00:20:55,730 --> 00:20:57,842
bigger and better than ever.
515
00:20:57,866 --> 00:21:00,278
Hey, that's great.
516
00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:02,146
Forgive and forget.
517
00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:04,983
Pride and progress
sometimes needs a push.
518
00:21:05,007 --> 00:21:06,550
I'm glad you feel
that way, Murray.
519
00:21:06,574 --> 00:21:08,719
I think you should also know
520
00:21:08,743 --> 00:21:14,025
that all prices have been
raised a minimum of 83%.
521
00:21:14,049 --> 00:21:15,815
There goes night racing.
522
00:21:19,587 --> 00:21:21,121
So long, Murray.
523
00:21:23,191 --> 00:21:24,335
Here's your stuff.
524
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,137
You mean you had
to buy it all back?
525
00:21:26,161 --> 00:21:27,805
$52.
526
00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:32,010
So the whole caper cost
you $12. You got off cheap.
527
00:21:32,034 --> 00:21:33,944
I'm on probation for a year.
528
00:21:33,968 --> 00:21:34,945
No kidding.
529
00:21:34,969 --> 00:21:35,980
I gotta report to you.
530
00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:37,448
To me?
531
00:21:37,472 --> 00:21:39,917
So I reported. Can I go?
532
00:21:39,941 --> 00:21:44,422
Oh, well... You go to school?
533
00:21:44,446 --> 00:21:45,589
Yeah.
534
00:21:45,613 --> 00:21:47,025
Brush your teeth? Yeah.
535
00:21:47,049 --> 00:21:48,592
Steal anything today?
536
00:21:48,616 --> 00:21:49,715
Not today.
36329
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