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1
00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:05,350
12th Precinct.
2
00:00:05,374 --> 00:00:06,751
Detective Sergeant
Amenguale speaking.
3
00:00:06,775 --> 00:00:09,921
No, ma'am, I'm sorry,
but we can't trace them.
4
00:00:09,945 --> 00:00:11,556
You see, there's
very little we can do
5
00:00:11,580 --> 00:00:13,725
about obscene phone calls.
6
00:00:13,749 --> 00:00:15,226
No, ma'am.
7
00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:16,928
No, ma'am.
8
00:00:16,952 --> 00:00:19,319
Would you watch your
language, please, ma'am?
9
00:00:20,990 --> 00:00:23,201
This is going to drive me crazy.
10
00:00:23,225 --> 00:00:26,437
26 calls in two weeks.
11
00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:29,273
That's some dirty guy.
12
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,441
We got him down.
13
00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:31,543
The attempted suicide?
14
00:00:31,567 --> 00:00:33,044
Yeah. Huh.
15
00:00:33,068 --> 00:00:35,413
Just dropped him off at
Bellevue. Psycho ward.
16
00:00:35,437 --> 00:00:36,848
Where's Fish? He's coming.
17
00:00:36,872 --> 00:00:39,183
The guy wanted
to jump off the roof,
18
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:41,586
and there's no
elevator in the building.
19
00:00:41,610 --> 00:00:46,146
Old Fish had to climb
nine flights of stairs.
20
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,829
12 years ago, I said,
21
00:00:50,853 --> 00:00:53,398
"Put an elevator
in this precinct."
22
00:00:53,422 --> 00:00:56,568
Five years ago, I said it again.
23
00:00:56,592 --> 00:00:59,437
Last year. I even
offered to pay for it.
24
00:00:59,461 --> 00:01:00,438
How do you feel?
25
00:01:00,462 --> 00:01:03,141
I feel fine. It's my legs.
26
00:01:03,165 --> 00:01:08,847
I must've been a breech baby.
My feet are older than I am.
27
00:01:08,871 --> 00:01:11,315
Listen, if you were going to
make obscene phone calls,
28
00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:12,984
now, would you make
them from one location
29
00:01:13,008 --> 00:01:14,385
or from a variety of locations?
30
00:01:14,409 --> 00:01:18,489
I'd rather have someone
else make them for me.
31
00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:22,326
Yemana, you chase a
suspect into a residence.
32
00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:24,663
You have no warrant
for search and entry,
33
00:01:24,687 --> 00:01:26,932
but you know evidence
is about to be destroyed
34
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:27,966
inside.
35
00:01:27,990 --> 00:01:29,333
Do you hold off,
36
00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:31,937
or do you go in and make
an arrest and take a chance
37
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,438
of violating the
suspect's rights?
38
00:01:33,462 --> 00:01:34,940
Honeyspot by Olden Times.
39
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:35,974
What?
40
00:01:35,998 --> 00:01:39,510
Look, six pounds
off, blinkers on,
41
00:01:39,534 --> 00:01:42,346
with the finest grass
jockey in the country.
42
00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:43,682
I bet her.
43
00:01:43,706 --> 00:01:45,183
The little lady next to me says,
44
00:01:45,207 --> 00:01:48,219
"Hey, there's a gray horse
with a girl jockey in blue.
45
00:01:48,243 --> 00:01:50,121
My two favorite colors."
46
00:01:50,145 --> 00:01:51,590
She wins. I lose.
47
00:01:51,614 --> 00:01:52,724
Come on, Yemana,
48
00:01:52,748 --> 00:01:54,192
I'm trying to pass
my test for sergeant.
49
00:01:54,216 --> 00:01:55,326
Are you going to help me?
50
00:01:55,350 --> 00:01:56,549
Yeah, don't go in.
51
00:01:58,220 --> 00:02:02,433
Well, well, well, the
same old melting pot.
52
00:02:02,457 --> 00:02:04,435
The 12th Precinct never changes.
53
00:02:04,459 --> 00:02:06,004
Hello, Kelly. How are things?
54
00:02:06,028 --> 00:02:09,373
How are you doing,
Fish? Staying healthy?
55
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:13,444
I'm every bit as good a
shape as I was yesterday.
56
00:02:13,468 --> 00:02:16,380
"Boney diese," Chano.
57
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:19,751
Jose Feliciano.
58
00:02:19,775 --> 00:02:21,474
Pretty good, thanks.
59
00:02:23,145 --> 00:02:25,423
Hey, hey, hey, Wojo, wait
a minute, wait a minute.
60
00:02:25,447 --> 00:02:27,225
I got a great new
Polack joke for you.
61
00:02:27,249 --> 00:02:28,982
Wonderful.
62
00:02:30,519 --> 00:02:33,231
You heard it?
63
00:02:33,255 --> 00:02:34,799
Hey, hey, Yemana,
64
00:02:34,823 --> 00:02:36,200
you'd better stay
out of the sun.
65
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:39,170
You're starting to turn beige.
66
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,476
Hey, there's a color
missing around here.
67
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:46,611
Where's Wilson and Harris?
68
00:02:46,635 --> 00:02:48,780
They've got a day off.
69
00:02:48,804 --> 00:02:51,404
There's a minstrel show in town.
70
00:02:53,842 --> 00:02:54,886
What are you doing
downtown, Kelly?
71
00:02:54,910 --> 00:02:56,254
I thought you was in Narcotics.
72
00:02:56,278 --> 00:02:59,257
Oh, I'm too sensitive
for that kind of filthy work.
73
00:02:59,281 --> 00:03:00,725
I'm in Internal Affairs now.
74
00:03:00,749 --> 00:03:02,127
Oh, you're a spy.
75
00:03:02,151 --> 00:03:04,763
Yeah, some people
might look at it that way,
76
00:03:04,787 --> 00:03:06,953
them that's got
something to hide, anyhow.
77
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,433
Hello, Kelly.
78
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:10,501
What are you doing here?
79
00:03:10,525 --> 00:03:12,358
Making friends.
80
00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:15,473
How do you like Narcotics?
81
00:03:15,497 --> 00:03:19,044
They haven't helped him a bit.
82
00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:21,046
Kelly's been promoted.
83
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:24,248
Yeah, he's a snooper now.
84
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,316
Internal Affairs?
85
00:03:25,340 --> 00:03:27,251
Can we talk?
86
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,486
What about?
87
00:03:28,510 --> 00:03:29,576
Graft.
88
00:03:33,515 --> 00:03:35,835
Come on in my office.
89
00:04:28,871 --> 00:04:30,181
Internal Affairs
is very concerned
90
00:04:30,205 --> 00:04:33,084
about police officers
being paid off, Barney.
91
00:04:33,108 --> 00:04:35,153
Internal Affairs has
always been concerned
92
00:04:35,177 --> 00:04:36,755
about police officers
being paid off.
93
00:04:36,779 --> 00:04:38,322
What's it got to do with us?
94
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:39,924
Some very disturbing information
95
00:04:39,948 --> 00:04:41,559
is coming across my desk
96
00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:43,027
about cops on the take.
97
00:04:43,051 --> 00:04:44,428
"Palms-up precincts."
98
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,330
You know what I'm talking about.
99
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:47,766
Would you like a cup of coffee?
100
00:04:47,790 --> 00:04:48,767
Oh, no, thanks.
101
00:04:48,791 --> 00:04:51,269
How about a punch in the mouth?
102
00:04:51,293 --> 00:04:52,503
Don't take offense, Barney.
103
00:04:52,527 --> 00:04:53,671
Gee, you guys are thin-skinned
104
00:04:53,695 --> 00:04:54,672
down here.
105
00:04:54,696 --> 00:04:56,507
Okay, Kelly, no pussyfooting.
106
00:04:56,531 --> 00:04:58,810
You've got any
accusations, spit it out.
107
00:04:58,834 --> 00:05:00,812
I'm not saying anybody's
getting rich, Barney.
108
00:05:00,836 --> 00:05:01,880
It's just the...
109
00:05:01,904 --> 00:05:02,981
the general knick-knacking.
110
00:05:03,005 --> 00:05:04,115
Knick-knacking?
111
00:05:04,139 --> 00:05:05,516
There's not a
man in this precinct
112
00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:07,118
that has ever taken a
dime from anybody...
113
00:05:07,142 --> 00:05:08,552
Hey, hey, take it easy.
114
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:09,754
And I resent the implication.
115
00:05:09,778 --> 00:05:10,855
Now, you've got any
evidence, get it up,
116
00:05:10,879 --> 00:05:12,157
or else get the
hell out of here.
117
00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,858
The division of
internal affairs...
118
00:05:13,882 --> 00:05:15,493
And don't pull division on me.
119
00:05:15,517 --> 00:05:18,830
It wasn't two months ago
you were working on my squad.
120
00:05:18,854 --> 00:05:20,932
You never did like me, did you?
121
00:05:20,956 --> 00:05:22,033
No.
122
00:05:22,057 --> 00:05:24,635
You're looking for
honesty? You found honesty.
123
00:05:24,659 --> 00:05:26,204
Because I'm Irish, right?
124
00:05:26,228 --> 00:05:28,406
Because you're always coming
up with the wrong answers,
125
00:05:28,430 --> 00:05:29,540
like that one,
126
00:05:29,564 --> 00:05:30,541
and now you're
letting a little authority
127
00:05:30,565 --> 00:05:31,542
go to your head.
128
00:05:31,566 --> 00:05:33,044
Hey, now, wait a minute, Barney.
129
00:05:33,068 --> 00:05:35,079
I always do my job
the best I know how,
130
00:05:35,103 --> 00:05:37,081
and I'm going to keep
on doing it that way,
131
00:05:37,105 --> 00:05:38,482
no matter where it takes me,
132
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:39,984
from the smallest precinct
133
00:05:40,008 --> 00:05:41,886
right up to the
commissioner's office.
134
00:05:41,910 --> 00:05:43,688
You're not going to find
anything around here, Kelly.
135
00:05:43,712 --> 00:05:45,456
Oh, clean as a
whistle, huh, Barn?
136
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:49,294
No, not if you're
talking about a newsboy
137
00:05:49,318 --> 00:05:51,062
who, out of the
goodness of his heart,
138
00:05:51,086 --> 00:05:53,131
throws in an afternoon
paper every day.
139
00:05:53,155 --> 00:05:54,665
The division of internal affairs
140
00:05:54,689 --> 00:05:55,900
is interested in any gratuity,
141
00:05:55,924 --> 00:05:58,069
no matter how big or how small.
142
00:05:58,093 --> 00:05:59,270
Okay, Kelly, you
made your point,
143
00:05:59,294 --> 00:06:00,839
but we've got a
lot of work to do
144
00:06:00,863 --> 00:06:03,241
around here, so do me a favor.
145
00:06:03,265 --> 00:06:05,076
Get your big fat
butt out of here.
146
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:06,110
I always liked
147
00:06:06,134 --> 00:06:07,278
chewing the fat with you, Barn.
148
00:06:07,302 --> 00:06:08,546
I'll be looking in on you.
149
00:06:08,570 --> 00:06:09,836
Nice to see you again, fellows.
150
00:06:16,311 --> 00:06:18,391
I'd rather be respected
than liked any day.
151
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,761
Hey, Barney, what
the hell is going on?
152
00:06:23,785 --> 00:06:25,730
A little witch hunt.
153
00:06:25,754 --> 00:06:28,199
Kelly is our local inquisitor,
154
00:06:28,223 --> 00:06:29,834
so if any of you
guys got anything
155
00:06:29,858 --> 00:06:31,469
you don't want Internal
Affairs to know about,
156
00:06:31,493 --> 00:06:32,636
you'd better give it back.
157
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,305
Are you kidding?
158
00:06:34,329 --> 00:06:37,108
I could add up everything
I got since I've been a cop
159
00:06:37,132 --> 00:06:38,476
on one finger,
160
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:41,301
and you know
which finger that is...
161
00:06:44,239 --> 00:06:46,684
The little one.
162
00:06:46,708 --> 00:06:48,953
Hey, Barney, is that
creep really insinuating
163
00:06:48,977 --> 00:06:50,554
we've been taking
payoffs around here?
164
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:53,591
To Kelly, a payoff could be
an apple from a fruit stand.
165
00:06:53,615 --> 00:06:55,526
He's just trying to make points.
166
00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:58,596
You know what they say
about a little power corrupting,
167
00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:02,500
but... just in case,
everybody be careful.
168
00:07:02,524 --> 00:07:04,335
Be careful of what?
169
00:07:04,359 --> 00:07:06,170
Hey, I never take a vacation.
170
00:07:06,194 --> 00:07:09,573
I live in one room. I
do my own cooking.
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00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:10,741
I appreciate that.
172
00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:11,842
I even wash my own socks.
173
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:14,946
I appreciate that.
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00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:17,448
Makes a guy feel like saying,
175
00:07:17,472 --> 00:07:18,950
"To hell with being sergeant."
176
00:07:18,974 --> 00:07:21,552
All right, all right,
just take it easy.
177
00:07:21,576 --> 00:07:24,122
I've got to go catch
a dirty phone caller,
178
00:07:24,146 --> 00:07:25,924
and if I get anybody,
179
00:07:25,948 --> 00:07:28,559
I'm going to give him
Kelly's telephone number.
180
00:07:28,583 --> 00:07:32,596
Everybody, just...
Business as usual.
181
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,299
Just go on doing what
you've been doing.
182
00:07:34,323 --> 00:07:36,067
Don't worry about
Internal Affairs.
183
00:07:36,091 --> 00:07:38,236
Don't worry about Kelly,
184
00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:42,073
who will be watching
us night and day.
185
00:07:42,097 --> 00:07:46,299
Here's your late edition,
compliments of the publisher.
186
00:08:02,517 --> 00:08:05,918
Hello. I'm home... Whoo-hoo.
187
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:08,888
Hello.
188
00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:13,137
And I'm in a rotten mood.
189
00:08:13,161 --> 00:08:15,206
Oh.
190
00:08:15,230 --> 00:08:17,208
Well, I have enough good mood
191
00:08:17,232 --> 00:08:18,943
for the both of us.
192
00:08:18,967 --> 00:08:19,967
How was your day?
193
00:08:20,969 --> 00:08:21,946
Swell.
194
00:08:21,970 --> 00:08:23,681
Oh, that good, huh?
195
00:08:23,705 --> 00:08:24,682
I'll fix you a drink.
196
00:08:24,706 --> 00:08:26,284
What for?
197
00:08:26,308 --> 00:08:27,585
Well, you usually have a drink
198
00:08:27,609 --> 00:08:28,786
when you get home from dinner.
199
00:08:28,810 --> 00:08:30,388
Just because I
usually have a drink
200
00:08:30,412 --> 00:08:32,623
does not mean that I
have to have a drink
201
00:08:32,647 --> 00:08:33,824
when I get home from dinner.
202
00:08:33,848 --> 00:08:34,825
What am I, an alcoholic?
203
00:08:34,849 --> 00:08:36,560
I don't think so.
204
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,196
I do not need a drink.
205
00:08:38,220 --> 00:08:40,098
Fine, no drink.
206
00:08:40,122 --> 00:08:41,565
Where's the ice?
207
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:43,689
In the oven.
208
00:08:45,327 --> 00:08:46,737
And the children?
209
00:08:46,761 --> 00:08:50,975
Oh, well, David's sleeping
over. Rachel's at a film festival.
210
00:08:50,999 --> 00:08:52,443
It's part of a
theater arts course.
211
00:08:52,467 --> 00:08:54,545
Oh, another film festival.
212
00:08:54,569 --> 00:08:55,813
Colleges have no
consideration... What?
213
00:08:55,837 --> 00:08:58,416
That squint. She's
going to develop a squint.
214
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,684
All right, Barney,
215
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:03,421
do you want to talk about it?
216
00:09:03,445 --> 00:09:04,989
You know I never
discuss police business
217
00:09:05,013 --> 00:09:06,524
at home.
218
00:09:06,548 --> 00:09:08,092
I know.
219
00:09:08,116 --> 00:09:09,193
You would think,
220
00:09:09,217 --> 00:09:11,462
you would think
that Internal Affairs
221
00:09:11,486 --> 00:09:13,197
has better things
to do with its time,
222
00:09:13,221 --> 00:09:14,198
wouldn't you?
223
00:09:14,222 --> 00:09:15,900
Yes, I would think so.
224
00:09:15,924 --> 00:09:17,735
And what a beauty
they picked to do it.
225
00:09:17,759 --> 00:09:19,637
Right, right.
226
00:09:19,661 --> 00:09:21,205
Who?
227
00:09:21,229 --> 00:09:22,373
Kelly.
228
00:09:22,397 --> 00:09:23,674
Kelly.
229
00:09:23,698 --> 00:09:26,258
It's like putting a gun
in the hands of a baby.
230
00:09:27,969 --> 00:09:29,447
What are you looking at?
231
00:09:29,471 --> 00:09:30,481
I'm thinking
232
00:09:30,505 --> 00:09:32,083
that you don't discuss
police business
233
00:09:32,107 --> 00:09:33,384
the way you don't drink.
234
00:09:33,408 --> 00:09:37,955
A man has to drink
and talk with someone.
235
00:09:37,979 --> 00:09:43,194
Oh... I'm flattered
that you've picked me.
236
00:09:43,218 --> 00:09:45,396
Isn't Kelly the one
you told me about
237
00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:46,897
who wears his shoulder holster
238
00:09:46,921 --> 00:09:49,522
over his pajamas?
239
00:09:50,992 --> 00:09:52,036
That's the one.
240
00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:53,304
Now you know what
I'm worried about.
241
00:09:53,328 --> 00:09:54,738
I thought you got rid of him.
242
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,207
I did.
243
00:09:56,231 --> 00:09:58,476
That's the trouble with
trying to get rid of the garbage.
244
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,179
Somebody's always
trying to recycle it.
245
00:10:01,203 --> 00:10:04,415
Now he's an espionage
agent for Internal Affairs.
246
00:10:04,439 --> 00:10:06,951
Well, forget about him.
247
00:10:06,975 --> 00:10:08,519
You are going to
feel much better
248
00:10:08,543 --> 00:10:09,687
after dinner.
249
00:10:09,711 --> 00:10:10,955
Look.
250
00:10:10,979 --> 00:10:13,657
We have filet mignon
with mushroom caps.
251
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:16,260
Leftovers? We had
filet mignon last night.
252
00:10:16,284 --> 00:10:19,586
We're starting all over.
These are brand-new steaks.
253
00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:24,502
Isn't that a little extravagant?
254
00:10:24,526 --> 00:10:27,238
The children know
we're eating this well?
255
00:10:27,262 --> 00:10:29,407
It's all in knowing how to shop.
256
00:10:29,431 --> 00:10:32,776
I got these steaks
for a $1.48 a pound.
257
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:36,247
They must be factory seconds.
258
00:10:36,271 --> 00:10:39,350
The secret is in
knowing a butcher
259
00:10:39,374 --> 00:10:42,720
who is crazy about
the way you walk.
260
00:10:42,744 --> 00:10:44,688
It brings special
considerations.
261
00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:46,991
I've watched you walk.
262
00:10:47,015 --> 00:10:48,058
I've never given you
263
00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:49,727
any special consideration.
264
00:10:49,751 --> 00:10:54,320
You don't think I walk for you
the way I walk for a butcher?
265
00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:58,802
Never forget you're
the wife of a policeman.
266
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,205
I'm not supposed to
be obligated to anyone.
267
00:11:01,229 --> 00:11:04,708
Well, the mailman
doesn't feel that way.
268
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:07,645
Every Christmas, we give
him a bottle of whiskey.
269
00:11:07,669 --> 00:11:11,715
Its the only reason we
get our mail once in a while.
270
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,317
This isn't Christmas.
271
00:11:13,341 --> 00:11:16,387
Okay, so we get a little
meat all through the year.
272
00:11:16,411 --> 00:11:18,623
Would you be happy if
the butcher gave us a cow
273
00:11:18,647 --> 00:11:20,625
in December?
274
00:11:20,649 --> 00:11:23,394
This is just the sort of
thing Kelly is looking for.
275
00:11:23,418 --> 00:11:25,696
He can stir up a
lot of trouble for me
276
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,231
over a little thing like that.
277
00:11:27,255 --> 00:11:30,268
Barney, Mr. D'Amato
is a lovely man.
278
00:11:30,292 --> 00:11:33,437
He's not doing this
because you're a policeman.
279
00:11:33,461 --> 00:11:35,439
He's doing this
because we are friends,
280
00:11:35,463 --> 00:11:37,475
because we are fellow citizens,
281
00:11:37,499 --> 00:11:40,578
and because he thinks
I'm a lovely hunk of woman.
282
00:11:40,602 --> 00:11:44,148
It doesn't matter
why he's doing it.
283
00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:45,883
The point is I'm a cop.
284
00:11:45,907 --> 00:11:47,851
Now, if I were a tailor,
nobody would care,
285
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,253
but I am a cop,
286
00:11:49,277 --> 00:11:51,289
and a policeman
has to be careful
287
00:11:51,313 --> 00:11:53,257
about accepting
any sort of gratuity.
288
00:11:53,281 --> 00:11:56,749
You want me to
throw out the steaks?
289
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:02,066
As long as they're here...
290
00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:04,468
I could grind them
into hamburgers
291
00:12:04,492 --> 00:12:06,671
so they won't be traced.
292
00:12:06,695 --> 00:12:08,472
Liz, I know
293
00:12:08,496 --> 00:12:10,040
it sounds ridiculous.
294
00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:11,975
These are perilous times,
295
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,311
so until Kelly
296
00:12:13,335 --> 00:12:14,945
finds something better
to do with his time,
297
00:12:14,969 --> 00:12:16,947
please, no more knick-knacks.
298
00:12:16,971 --> 00:12:18,249
Knick-knacks?
299
00:12:18,273 --> 00:12:21,018
Just a police expression.
300
00:12:21,042 --> 00:12:23,187
Just don't take any
favors from anybody,
301
00:12:23,211 --> 00:12:24,755
no matter how
trivial they may seem.
302
00:12:24,779 --> 00:12:26,591
I suppose
303
00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:29,327
that applies to free tickets?
304
00:12:29,351 --> 00:12:30,351
To the theater?
305
00:12:31,453 --> 00:12:32,733
To Bermuda.
306
00:12:34,055 --> 00:12:35,633
Free tickets to Bermuda?
What are you talking about?
307
00:12:35,657 --> 00:12:38,302
I'm talking about
a little knick-knack
308
00:12:38,326 --> 00:12:39,503
from our travel agent.
309
00:12:39,527 --> 00:12:41,138
How can he give
away a thing like that?
310
00:12:41,162 --> 00:12:42,607
Because he gets two free tickets
311
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:43,608
every year,
312
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:44,675
and every year, he goes,
313
00:12:44,699 --> 00:12:46,510
and this year, he's not going.
314
00:12:46,534 --> 00:12:47,578
What I don't understand
315
00:12:47,602 --> 00:12:49,213
is why is he giving them to us?
316
00:12:49,237 --> 00:12:50,381
Barney,
317
00:12:50,405 --> 00:12:52,450
he doesn't want
anything from you.
318
00:12:52,474 --> 00:12:53,751
He knows you're a policeman.
319
00:12:53,775 --> 00:12:55,052
He appreciates the fact
320
00:12:55,076 --> 00:12:57,087
that you lay your
life on the line for him
321
00:12:57,111 --> 00:12:58,522
every single day of the year.
322
00:12:58,546 --> 00:13:00,224
It's just his way of saying
323
00:13:00,248 --> 00:13:01,992
he's sick of Bermuda.
324
00:13:02,016 --> 00:13:05,963
Liz, we can't
accept those tickets.
325
00:13:05,987 --> 00:13:07,331
The way things are,
326
00:13:07,355 --> 00:13:08,835
with Kelly just
looking for trouble...
327
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,293
We're going to the mountains.
328
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:23,180
Well... I suppose you're right,
329
00:13:23,204 --> 00:13:25,983
but what really annoys
me is to see a man
330
00:13:26,007 --> 00:13:28,152
who has devoted
20 years of his life
331
00:13:28,176 --> 00:13:29,553
to the police department,
332
00:13:29,577 --> 00:13:31,689
a man who has never
compromised his integrity,
333
00:13:31,713 --> 00:13:34,958
a man who has never
taken anything from anyone,
334
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:37,027
to see that man
335
00:13:37,051 --> 00:13:38,362
suddenly looking
over his shoulder
336
00:13:38,386 --> 00:13:40,498
and denying himself
a lovely opportunity
337
00:13:40,522 --> 00:13:43,601
offered by a grateful
citizen and a friend
338
00:13:43,625 --> 00:13:45,403
is shameful and unjust.
339
00:13:45,427 --> 00:13:47,137
I'm grateful, thank you.
340
00:13:47,161 --> 00:13:50,496
It's just my way of saying,
"I'm sick of the mountains."
341
00:14:01,409 --> 00:14:02,486
Fish.
342
00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:04,422
Fish, listen.
343
00:14:04,446 --> 00:14:06,791
In the event a prisoner
is being extradited
344
00:14:06,815 --> 00:14:09,927
from the county of one state
to the county of another state,
345
00:14:09,951 --> 00:14:12,095
and such extradition
papers have been presented
346
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,565
to the police officer in
charge of the extradition,
347
00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:15,766
when the prisoner is delivered
348
00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:17,167
in the county of
the second state,
349
00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:18,302
signed for and released
350
00:14:18,326 --> 00:14:20,371
by the receiving police officer,
351
00:14:20,395 --> 00:14:21,706
is it necessary
352
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:23,106
for the extraditing
police officer
353
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:24,908
to file in the county
of the first state
354
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,410
copies of the extradition papers
355
00:14:26,434 --> 00:14:28,011
that have been given
to the police officer
356
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,380
in the county of
the second state?
357
00:14:29,404 --> 00:14:31,203
Good morning.
358
00:14:33,007 --> 00:14:34,618
What do you think?
359
00:14:34,642 --> 00:14:36,887
I stopped in to buy
a new pair of shoes
360
00:14:36,911 --> 00:14:38,222
this morning.
361
00:14:38,246 --> 00:14:40,624
What did you get?
362
00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:43,060
I didn't get nothing.
363
00:14:43,084 --> 00:14:44,762
They had my size,
364
00:14:44,786 --> 00:14:46,252
but they didn't have my shape.
365
00:14:48,356 --> 00:14:49,367
They tried
366
00:14:49,391 --> 00:14:52,570
to talk me into buying
a new type of shoes
367
00:14:52,594 --> 00:14:56,061
where the toes are
higher than the heels.
368
00:14:57,799 --> 00:14:59,777
I said to the guy,
369
00:14:59,801 --> 00:15:02,279
"I can't walk like that.
370
00:15:02,303 --> 00:15:03,414
"I'll tip over
371
00:15:03,438 --> 00:15:06,338
and land on the
back of my head."
372
00:15:08,276 --> 00:15:12,656
Look at this exacta at
Aqueduct. 800 bucks.
373
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,525
Why do they make everything
374
00:15:14,549 --> 00:15:15,826
so damned difficult?
375
00:15:15,850 --> 00:15:18,596
Number three and number
four. I always bet my age.
376
00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:20,798
You're not 34.
377
00:15:20,822 --> 00:15:24,468
I was when I won my last exacta.
378
00:15:24,492 --> 00:15:26,970
Yemana, why don't you
put that damn thing away?
379
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:28,238
What did I do?
380
00:15:28,262 --> 00:15:33,243
All you ever do is bet on
horses or the football game
381
00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:35,413
or basketball game
or some crap game.
382
00:15:35,437 --> 00:15:37,882
You left out jai alai.
383
00:15:37,906 --> 00:15:40,885
Very funny.
384
00:15:40,909 --> 00:15:42,286
If you tried busting bookies
385
00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:44,288
instead of calling them on
the telephone all the time,
386
00:15:44,312 --> 00:15:46,056
maybe we wouldn't
have a yard bird like Kelly
387
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,925
sneaking up our
keisters all the time.
388
00:15:47,949 --> 00:15:51,328
We have nothing
to fear but fear itself.
389
00:15:51,352 --> 00:15:54,064
Go fry a noodle.
390
00:15:54,088 --> 00:15:57,222
That's beneath you.
391
00:15:59,894 --> 00:16:04,141
It's always me that's
doing something wrong.
392
00:16:04,165 --> 00:16:08,345
"What'd you say this for,
Wojo?" "That's out of line, Wojo."
393
00:16:08,369 --> 00:16:11,649
Nobody says that
about you, Wojo.
394
00:16:11,673 --> 00:16:15,820
"How come Fish had to climb
up nine flights of stairs, Wojo?"
395
00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:18,989
That was out of line, Wojo.
396
00:16:19,013 --> 00:16:22,025
See, it's always somebody
397
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,628
beefing about
something I've done.
398
00:16:24,652 --> 00:16:26,664
I wish I was back
out on the streets
399
00:16:26,688 --> 00:16:27,998
in uniform again.
400
00:16:28,022 --> 00:16:29,567
If you're worried
about dirty marks
401
00:16:29,591 --> 00:16:30,901
on your laundry,
402
00:16:30,925 --> 00:16:32,792
maybe Kelly can accommodate you.
403
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,065
What's going on?
404
00:16:40,702 --> 00:16:41,702
Nothing.
405
00:16:44,005 --> 00:16:44,982
What happened?
406
00:16:45,006 --> 00:16:46,416
Nothing, Barney.
407
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,185
They were discussing Kelly.
408
00:16:48,209 --> 00:16:50,921
Good morning.
409
00:16:50,945 --> 00:16:52,289
You're late.
410
00:16:52,313 --> 00:16:54,758
I interviewed a lot
of women last night
411
00:16:54,782 --> 00:16:56,894
who got dirty phone calls.
412
00:16:56,918 --> 00:17:00,030
I had to take down
all the conversations.
413
00:17:00,054 --> 00:17:02,666
I got names. I got addresses.
414
00:17:02,690 --> 00:17:04,935
I also got excited.
415
00:17:04,959 --> 00:17:07,538
You want me to
type up these reports?
416
00:17:07,562 --> 00:17:09,039
Maybe you'd
better let Fish do it.
417
00:17:09,063 --> 00:17:10,040
Good.
418
00:17:10,064 --> 00:17:11,108
You know, these guys
419
00:17:11,132 --> 00:17:12,442
who make dirty phone calls
420
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:13,944
got to be very lonely people.
421
00:17:13,968 --> 00:17:15,145
They spend so much time
422
00:17:15,169 --> 00:17:16,313
talking on the telephone,
423
00:17:16,337 --> 00:17:17,781
they never get to meet anybody.
424
00:17:17,805 --> 00:17:20,684
I wish he'd start
writing dirty letters.
425
00:17:20,708 --> 00:17:22,452
Then the post office
could worry about him.
426
00:17:23,545 --> 00:17:26,757
12th Precinct.
427
00:17:26,781 --> 00:17:28,158
Yeah, he'll be here.
428
00:17:28,182 --> 00:17:30,027
Thanks.
429
00:17:30,051 --> 00:17:31,862
Kelly's on his way over.
430
00:17:31,886 --> 00:17:32,963
He wanted to make sure
431
00:17:32,987 --> 00:17:34,297
you were here.
432
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:35,933
Thanks.
433
00:17:35,957 --> 00:17:38,168
Hey, Barney, you think
Kelly is just a big mouth,
434
00:17:38,192 --> 00:17:40,337
or is he really going
to try to make trouble?
435
00:17:40,361 --> 00:17:42,506
I think Kelly is
just a big mouth
436
00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:44,508
who's really going
to try to make trouble.
437
00:17:44,532 --> 00:17:47,210
He's probably after me.
438
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:48,512
Kelly's always had a thing
439
00:17:48,536 --> 00:17:51,615
about Orientals being
on the police force.
440
00:17:51,639 --> 00:17:54,607
He says we screw up the look
of the Saint Patrick's Day parade.
441
00:17:58,412 --> 00:18:03,226
Kelly is after someone
in a position of authority.
442
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,461
He's looking for somebody
443
00:18:04,485 --> 00:18:05,629
who's been doing
a little chiseling
444
00:18:05,653 --> 00:18:08,432
under the table, or
somebody whose wife
445
00:18:08,456 --> 00:18:09,600
has been doing
a little chiseling
446
00:18:09,624 --> 00:18:10,601
under the table.
447
00:18:10,625 --> 00:18:12,069
No, no, that isn't it.
448
00:18:12,093 --> 00:18:14,171
He's probably been
snooping around
449
00:18:14,195 --> 00:18:15,839
into our personnel files
450
00:18:15,863 --> 00:18:17,307
and came up with
something really big.
451
00:18:17,331 --> 00:18:18,542
Like what?
452
00:18:18,566 --> 00:18:20,744
Like the fact I cheated
on my income tax.
453
00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:23,047
When was that?
454
00:18:23,071 --> 00:18:24,448
About nine, ten years ago,
455
00:18:24,472 --> 00:18:27,084
I went to a police
convention in San Francisco,
456
00:18:27,108 --> 00:18:29,920
and I deducted all the
expenses for Bernice.
457
00:18:29,944 --> 00:18:31,455
There's nothing
illegal about that.
458
00:18:31,479 --> 00:18:33,813
Yes, there is. I
didn't take Bernice.
459
00:18:35,483 --> 00:18:37,995
Did the I.R.S.
find out about it?
460
00:18:38,019 --> 00:18:39,396
Yeah, they disallowed it.
461
00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:40,831
They took it out the next year.
462
00:18:40,855 --> 00:18:42,232
Well, if you're straight
with the government,
463
00:18:42,256 --> 00:18:43,300
Kelly can't hurt you.
464
00:18:43,324 --> 00:18:44,434
I'm not worried about Kelly.
465
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:47,471
I'm worried about Bernice.
466
00:18:47,495 --> 00:18:48,706
I think Kelly
467
00:18:48,730 --> 00:18:51,441
is on to something
international...
468
00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:52,776
He's after me.
469
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,979
What did you do?
470
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,379
Me? I didn't do anything,
471
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:57,581
but my brother-in-law
472
00:18:57,605 --> 00:18:59,617
is in New York
illegally from Argentina.
473
00:18:59,641 --> 00:19:00,851
Where is he?
474
00:19:00,875 --> 00:19:04,287
He's hiding in the
cellar of a condemned,
475
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:07,758
rat-infested building
on the West Side,
476
00:19:07,782 --> 00:19:09,915
right across the street from me.
477
00:19:11,385 --> 00:19:12,763
Well, you'd better
do something about it
478
00:19:12,787 --> 00:19:14,164
before immigration finds out.
479
00:19:14,188 --> 00:19:15,599
Well, I told him,
480
00:19:15,623 --> 00:19:17,534
"Hey, you've got to go
back to South America,
481
00:19:17,558 --> 00:19:18,636
"get a visa,
482
00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:20,104
"then come back
to the United States,
483
00:19:20,128 --> 00:19:22,305
"to New York," take the test,
484
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:24,108
and then become a
citizen of the United States."
485
00:19:24,132 --> 00:19:25,575
What did he say to that?
486
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,233
He don't think it's worth it.
487
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,737
Hi, Barney.
488
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,619
Good morning.
489
00:19:35,643 --> 00:19:37,121
I have a confession to make,
490
00:19:37,145 --> 00:19:38,989
and I... I think
491
00:19:39,013 --> 00:19:40,257
you all should hear it.
492
00:19:40,281 --> 00:19:43,127
Maybe we should
start lighting candles.
493
00:19:43,151 --> 00:19:45,017
This is serious.
494
00:19:48,489 --> 00:19:49,967
Three years ago,
495
00:19:49,991 --> 00:19:54,171
when I took the test for
detective, third-grade,
496
00:19:54,195 --> 00:19:56,228
I wrote some
answers on my shirt.
497
00:20:00,401 --> 00:20:02,534
Well, they were
important answers.
498
00:20:04,438 --> 00:20:07,785
If Kelly's after my badge, I...
499
00:20:07,809 --> 00:20:12,823
I'd rather turn it in than
have him put the arm on me,
500
00:20:12,847 --> 00:20:15,715
so I'm going down
to Internal Affairs.
501
00:20:17,185 --> 00:20:21,531
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
502
00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:25,468
This is some exciting
group we've got here.
503
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:28,338
A little fooling
around on an exam,
504
00:20:28,362 --> 00:20:31,141
a little fooling around
in San Francisco.
505
00:20:31,165 --> 00:20:33,043
I'm beginning to
feel sorry for Kelly.
506
00:20:33,067 --> 00:20:35,112
I mean, this is a pretty
measly bunch of skeletons
507
00:20:35,136 --> 00:20:36,914
he found in this closet.
508
00:20:36,938 --> 00:20:40,517
All right, gentlemen, we
have all purged our souls.
509
00:20:40,541 --> 00:20:42,152
Life goes on.
510
00:20:42,176 --> 00:20:44,321
Huh?
511
00:20:44,345 --> 00:20:48,458
Yemana, that's a police
phone, not a racing wire,
512
00:20:48,482 --> 00:20:49,693
and Chano,
513
00:20:49,717 --> 00:20:51,095
see if you can convince
your brother-in-law
514
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,330
there's still some hope for us.
515
00:20:53,354 --> 00:20:56,700
Uh, Wojo, when you
take that sergeant exam,
516
00:20:56,724 --> 00:20:58,736
wear a clean shirt.
517
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:02,628
Fish... Don't waste a warning.
518
00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:08,178
You know what really annoys me?
519
00:21:08,202 --> 00:21:13,016
What really gets me is to
see basically honest men,
520
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:17,320
who have devoted their
lives to the police department,
521
00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:20,690
intimidated and looking
over their shoulders.
522
00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:23,026
It is shameful and unjust.
523
00:21:23,050 --> 00:21:26,063
Thank you, Barney.
524
00:21:26,087 --> 00:21:27,330
What's more,
525
00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:30,100
I'm going to tell that
to Internal Affairs
526
00:21:30,124 --> 00:21:32,858
as soon as I come
back from Bermuda.
527
00:21:43,137 --> 00:21:44,748
Ahem.
528
00:21:44,772 --> 00:21:47,572
Patrolman Kelly
reporting for duty.
529
00:21:49,410 --> 00:21:50,788
For an undercover cop,
530
00:21:50,812 --> 00:21:52,344
that's a pretty dumb disguise.
531
00:21:57,151 --> 00:21:58,695
What are you doing in uniform?
532
00:21:58,719 --> 00:21:59,863
It's my payoff
533
00:21:59,887 --> 00:22:01,665
for devotion to the department.
534
00:22:01,689 --> 00:22:04,734
I followed those investigations,
Barney, like I told you,
535
00:22:04,758 --> 00:22:07,137
right up to the top, right
into the inner sanctum,
536
00:22:07,161 --> 00:22:08,438
the commissioner's office.
537
00:22:08,462 --> 00:22:10,107
There it was...
538
00:22:10,131 --> 00:22:13,944
Nepotism, favoritism,
rake-offs on meat.
539
00:22:13,968 --> 00:22:15,813
Man, I was sure
540
00:22:15,837 --> 00:22:17,580
I was in line for a gold badge.
541
00:22:17,604 --> 00:22:18,982
What did they give me?
542
00:22:19,006 --> 00:22:20,650
A blue suit.
543
00:22:20,674 --> 00:22:22,820
Here I am, right back
at the old one-two.
544
00:22:22,844 --> 00:22:24,054
You mean they reassigned you
545
00:22:24,078 --> 00:22:25,055
here?
546
00:22:25,079 --> 00:22:26,323
Yeah. How about that?
547
00:22:26,347 --> 00:22:29,259
Hey, Barn, no
hard feelings, huh?
548
00:22:29,283 --> 00:22:33,518
Hey, fellows,
still friends, huh?
549
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:39,825
Nice to know they
still respect me.
550
00:22:43,064 --> 00:22:46,131
Here's the free late edition,
compliments of the publisher.
551
00:22:58,246 --> 00:23:01,225
Take it easy. Yemana,
I wasn't making book.
552
00:23:01,249 --> 00:23:02,692
Uh, thanks, officer.
553
00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:04,527
I'll take over from here.
554
00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:06,563
I was just standing around.
555
00:23:06,587 --> 00:23:07,597
I swear.
556
00:23:07,621 --> 00:23:08,966
What are they busting me for?
557
00:23:08,990 --> 00:23:10,734
Convenience.
558
00:23:10,758 --> 00:23:11,735
Whose?
559
00:23:11,759 --> 00:23:12,802
Mine.
560
00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:15,694
I promised I'd
lay off the phone.
561
00:23:26,173 --> 00:23:27,417
"I pledge allegiance
562
00:23:27,441 --> 00:23:30,220
to the flag of the United
States of America..."
563
00:23:30,244 --> 00:23:31,221
Fish? Yeah?
564
00:23:31,245 --> 00:23:32,365
Check this out, will you?
565
00:23:40,955 --> 00:23:42,032
You all right?
566
00:23:42,056 --> 00:23:44,334
Yeah, why?
567
00:23:44,358 --> 00:23:46,703
You look like you're
going to fall over.
568
00:23:46,727 --> 00:23:49,028
It's my new shoes.
569
00:23:52,166 --> 00:23:53,832
Hey, Barney?
570
00:23:55,836 --> 00:23:58,382
Hey, if a police
officer loses his badge,
571
00:23:58,406 --> 00:24:00,750
does he report
it to his superior
572
00:24:00,774 --> 00:24:02,452
or just wait until
somebody turns it in?
573
00:24:02,476 --> 00:24:05,188
He reports it to
his superior officer.
574
00:24:05,212 --> 00:24:07,079
I lost my badge.
40171
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