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1
00:00:04,659 --> 00:00:06,604
Hey, Engine Room?
2
00:00:06,628 --> 00:00:08,372
Hey, what's the
matter with you guys?
3
00:00:08,396 --> 00:00:10,308
It's 26 degrees up here.
4
00:00:10,332 --> 00:00:11,475
Hey, I wasn't meant
5
00:00:11,499 --> 00:00:12,976
for this type of
temperature, baby.
6
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,946
Tell him my blood
is turning to slush.
7
00:00:15,970 --> 00:00:18,416
Hey, don't give me
"energy crisis," man.
8
00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:19,817
How'd you like it if we quit
9
00:00:19,841 --> 00:00:21,585
and left your loved
ones unprotected?
10
00:00:21,609 --> 00:00:25,155
Very well put.
11
00:00:25,179 --> 00:00:27,825
Hey, baby, it is cold up here.
12
00:00:29,384 --> 00:00:32,330
12th Precinct, Nanook speaking.
13
00:00:32,354 --> 00:00:34,097
Let me have the address.
14
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,166
Yeah, well, if you don't
get some heat up here,
15
00:00:36,190 --> 00:00:37,868
we're going to start
breaking up the furniture
16
00:00:37,892 --> 00:00:39,503
and burning it. Bye.
17
00:00:39,527 --> 00:00:41,505
The kid that stuck
up that liquor store
18
00:00:41,529 --> 00:00:43,073
the other day,
19
00:00:43,097 --> 00:00:44,274
the owner thinks
he recognized him.
20
00:00:44,298 --> 00:00:45,343
We better check it out.
21
00:00:45,367 --> 00:00:46,367
Okay.
22
00:00:47,502 --> 00:00:50,815
There's six inches
of snow in the streets.
23
00:00:50,839 --> 00:00:51,949
It's freezing out there.
24
00:00:51,973 --> 00:00:53,651
It's worse in here.
25
00:00:53,675 --> 00:00:55,715
Now I know why a
penguin walks so funny.
26
00:00:56,745 --> 00:00:58,689
Pour me a cup
of coffee, will you?
27
00:00:58,713 --> 00:01:00,023
Cream and sugar?
28
00:01:00,047 --> 00:01:01,191
It doesn't matter.
29
00:01:01,215 --> 00:01:03,015
I'm going to sit in it.
30
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,263
Hey, you want to
see something funny?
31
00:01:06,287 --> 00:01:08,153
Come in the toilet.
32
00:01:12,694 --> 00:01:13,871
Hey, what have you been doing?
33
00:01:13,895 --> 00:01:16,273
Writing on the walls again?
34
00:01:16,297 --> 00:01:18,342
No, the water in
the sink is frozen,
35
00:01:18,366 --> 00:01:21,011
and a bunch of ants
are crossing the ice,
36
00:01:21,035 --> 00:01:23,581
and they're slipping and
falling all over the place.
37
00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,483
Come on, it's funny as hell.
38
00:01:25,507 --> 00:01:28,218
Hey, man, you got a
weird sense of humor,
39
00:01:28,242 --> 00:01:29,319
you know that?
40
00:01:29,343 --> 00:01:30,388
What's going on around here?
41
00:01:30,412 --> 00:01:31,789
You'd think in this
kind of weather,
42
00:01:31,813 --> 00:01:32,790
business would be slow.
43
00:01:32,814 --> 00:01:33,991
The armored car
drivers and guards
44
00:01:34,015 --> 00:01:35,292
are still on strike.
45
00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:37,127
Money's piling up
faster in the stores
46
00:01:37,151 --> 00:01:38,796
than garbage in the streets.
47
00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:40,264
Burglaries, armed robberies,
48
00:01:40,288 --> 00:01:41,399
aggravated assaults...
49
00:01:41,423 --> 00:01:43,701
Yeah, and every dude
with a gun or a knife
50
00:01:43,725 --> 00:01:45,168
or a pointed stick is out there
51
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:46,336
trying to seek his fortune.
52
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:47,438
What a civilization, huh?
53
00:01:47,462 --> 00:01:48,472
Yeah.
54
00:01:48,496 --> 00:01:52,943
Okay, come on. Stand over there.
55
00:01:52,967 --> 00:01:53,977
What do we got here?
56
00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:57,180
A flasher, exposing
himself at a bus stop.
57
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,349
In this weather?
58
00:01:59,373 --> 00:02:01,886
Did you ever hear
anything so disgusting?
59
00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:04,054
Hey, man, it's 10
degrees out there.
60
00:02:04,078 --> 00:02:05,890
Tell me about it.
61
00:02:05,914 --> 00:02:07,792
Some filthy habit, huh?
62
00:02:07,816 --> 00:02:11,094
Pervert, degenerate...
That's me, A-number-one.
63
00:02:11,118 --> 00:02:13,764
Okay, Mr. Farber,
you've got one phone call.
64
00:02:13,788 --> 00:02:15,900
Would you make a
phone call if you were me?
65
00:02:15,924 --> 00:02:17,367
What am I supposed to do,
66
00:02:17,391 --> 00:02:19,303
brag about it?
67
00:02:19,327 --> 00:02:20,971
Maybe you better call a lawyer.
68
00:02:20,995 --> 00:02:24,575
I am a lawyer.
69
00:02:24,599 --> 00:02:26,276
Then you better call a doctor.
70
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:27,478
What for?
71
00:02:27,502 --> 00:02:28,479
I don't need a doctor.
72
00:02:28,503 --> 00:02:29,647
I need an executioner.
73
00:02:29,671 --> 00:02:30,815
Okay, Mr. Farber,
74
00:02:30,839 --> 00:02:32,282
do you want to step
into the cage, please?
75
00:02:32,306 --> 00:02:33,317
Oh, and keep your hands
76
00:02:33,341 --> 00:02:34,418
away from your coat, huh?
77
00:02:34,442 --> 00:02:36,921
Good. Lock me up.
78
00:02:36,945 --> 00:02:38,656
Keep me away from decent people.
79
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,157
Take it easy, Mr. Farber.
80
00:02:40,181 --> 00:02:41,625
Everything is
going to be all right.
81
00:02:41,649 --> 00:02:42,827
Sure, Mr. Pollyanna.
82
00:02:42,851 --> 00:02:44,127
You think this
83
00:02:44,151 --> 00:02:46,418
is like giving up smoking?
84
00:02:48,189 --> 00:02:50,434
I've been to the finest
medical minds in the world,
85
00:02:50,458 --> 00:02:52,135
and they all tell
me the same thing...
86
00:02:52,159 --> 00:02:55,038
"Farber, you're
filthy. It's that simple."
87
00:02:55,062 --> 00:02:58,342
Uh, Chano... call Bellevue.
88
00:02:58,366 --> 00:03:01,011
Tell them we've got
a prune danish to go.
89
00:03:01,035 --> 00:03:02,035
Oh, yeah.
90
00:03:03,471 --> 00:03:05,549
Put it over there on the desk.
91
00:03:05,573 --> 00:03:08,118
Hey, Barn, wait till you
see what we got here.
92
00:03:08,142 --> 00:03:09,186
Siegel's Department Store
93
00:03:09,210 --> 00:03:10,588
hasn't been able
to make a deposit
94
00:03:10,612 --> 00:03:12,790
for a week, so they asked us
95
00:03:12,814 --> 00:03:14,424
to keep their
receipts till morning.
96
00:03:14,448 --> 00:03:16,293
I said okay. Is it okay?
97
00:03:16,317 --> 00:03:17,628
Wojciehowicz,
98
00:03:17,652 --> 00:03:18,762
we're working on a half-shift.
99
00:03:18,786 --> 00:03:20,531
We can't baby-sit
somebody's payroll.
100
00:03:20,555 --> 00:03:22,265
An employee told Mr. Siegel
101
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,935
he heard they were
being set up for a rip-off.
102
00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:26,537
They'd like to avoid
trouble, Barney.
103
00:03:26,561 --> 00:03:28,005
Yeah, I've never
seen so much money
104
00:03:28,029 --> 00:03:29,272
in my whole life.
105
00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:30,696
Take a look.
106
00:03:37,038 --> 00:03:40,317
♪ Happy birthday To me ♪
107
00:03:40,341 --> 00:03:41,785
♪ Happy birthday To me ♪♪
108
00:03:41,809 --> 00:03:43,220
How much is in there?
109
00:03:43,244 --> 00:03:47,190
216,480-odd dollars.
110
00:03:47,214 --> 00:03:50,594
Oh... "80-odd." Aren't you sure?
111
00:03:50,618 --> 00:03:51,795
Well, when you're loaded,
112
00:03:51,819 --> 00:03:53,330
what's a few
bucks, more or less?
113
00:03:53,354 --> 00:03:55,098
That is "more..."
114
00:03:55,122 --> 00:03:57,100
"Less" is what I take
home every week.
115
00:03:57,124 --> 00:03:58,836
Somebody put it in the safe.
116
00:03:58,860 --> 00:04:01,005
I got it. I signed for it.
117
00:04:01,029 --> 00:04:02,205
All right, then it's
your responsibility,
118
00:04:02,229 --> 00:04:04,508
but get at it. We've
got a lot of work to do.
119
00:04:04,532 --> 00:04:06,209
You know what?
120
00:04:06,233 --> 00:04:07,745
The people at the bus stop
121
00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:09,613
called me a "sickie."
122
00:04:09,637 --> 00:04:12,482
Sticks and stones, Mr. Farber.
123
00:04:12,506 --> 00:04:15,686
That's a very old model.
124
00:04:15,710 --> 00:04:17,220
You're not kidding.
125
00:04:17,244 --> 00:04:18,989
They don't make
them like they used to.
126
00:04:19,013 --> 00:04:20,524
What's the combination
of this thing?
127
00:04:20,548 --> 00:04:21,825
I forget it again.
128
00:04:21,849 --> 00:04:23,427
One to the left,
two to the right,
129
00:04:23,451 --> 00:04:26,463
three to the left,
four to the right.
130
00:04:26,487 --> 00:04:31,624
That's the way to
do the "varsity drag."
131
00:05:19,206 --> 00:05:20,618
Bellevue Psychiatric Division?
132
00:05:20,642 --> 00:05:23,386
Hi. This is Sergeant Amenguale
of the police department.
133
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:24,622
Who am I speaking to, please?
134
00:05:24,646 --> 00:05:26,289
Miss Sanchez. Right.
135
00:05:26,313 --> 00:05:28,291
We've got a patient for you
136
00:05:28,315 --> 00:05:29,359
here at the 12th Precinct.
137
00:05:29,383 --> 00:05:31,528
Yeah. Yes, miss.
138
00:05:31,552 --> 00:05:32,696
A male Caucasian,
139
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,698
between 40 and 50 years old.
140
00:05:34,722 --> 00:05:36,600
Yes, miss.
141
00:05:36,624 --> 00:05:38,568
Yeah, indecent exposure.
142
00:05:38,592 --> 00:05:39,970
Mm-hmm, tonight at a bus stop.
143
00:05:39,994 --> 00:05:41,994
That's right, in the snow.
144
00:05:44,632 --> 00:05:47,044
Can you believe
that, Miss Sanchez?
145
00:05:47,068 --> 00:05:48,512
I can't understand
146
00:05:48,536 --> 00:05:51,982
what makes a guy
do something like that.
147
00:05:52,006 --> 00:05:54,106
No kidding.
148
00:05:56,978 --> 00:05:59,478
Rejection when he was a baby?
149
00:06:03,317 --> 00:06:05,151
No kidding.
150
00:06:06,988 --> 00:06:08,854
Breast feeding?
151
00:06:12,994 --> 00:06:15,873
No kidding.
152
00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:18,208
Me? No, I was a bottle baby.
153
00:06:18,232 --> 00:06:19,777
Sure.
154
00:06:19,801 --> 00:06:21,712
I would remember
something like that.
155
00:06:21,736 --> 00:06:25,049
No kidding.
156
00:06:25,073 --> 00:06:28,774
Do you like dancing
too, Miss Sanchez?
157
00:06:30,444 --> 00:06:32,255
Hey, why don't you let me
158
00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:33,590
give you a hand with that?
159
00:06:33,614 --> 00:06:34,792
I don't need no help.
160
00:06:34,816 --> 00:06:36,326
My responsibility.
161
00:06:36,350 --> 00:06:40,130
I mean... It's my
money, sort of.
162
00:06:40,154 --> 00:06:41,965
Till tomorrow morning, anyway.
163
00:06:41,989 --> 00:06:43,533
Live, baby.
164
00:06:43,557 --> 00:06:44,902
Hey, come on, Yemana.
165
00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:46,737
We better check out that
liquor store heist, huh?
166
00:06:46,761 --> 00:06:47,938
It'll be nice to get outside,
167
00:06:47,962 --> 00:06:49,528
where it's warm.
168
00:06:51,966 --> 00:06:53,043
Yeah, okay, Miss Sanchez,
169
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:54,511
I will have the forms for you.
170
00:06:54,535 --> 00:06:55,579
Right. Goodbye.
171
00:06:55,603 --> 00:06:57,581
Hey, Fish, you wouldn't believe
172
00:06:57,605 --> 00:06:58,816
what makes a guy like that
173
00:06:58,840 --> 00:06:59,883
do what he does, man.
174
00:06:59,907 --> 00:07:01,187
It's the weather.
175
00:07:03,444 --> 00:07:05,222
When it's damp and cold,
176
00:07:05,246 --> 00:07:08,391
people get depressed,
irritable, and unpleasant.
177
00:07:08,415 --> 00:07:09,793
In the winter,
178
00:07:09,817 --> 00:07:12,730
Scandinavia has
more lunatics per capita
179
00:07:12,754 --> 00:07:14,631
than any other
country in the world.
180
00:07:14,655 --> 00:07:16,200
No kidding.
181
00:07:16,224 --> 00:07:20,503
Bernice is Scandinavian,
but only on her mother's side.
182
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:23,107
She usually cheers up around...
183
00:07:23,131 --> 00:07:25,530
the middle of February.
184
00:07:28,136 --> 00:07:29,113
Fish?
185
00:07:29,137 --> 00:07:30,114
Yeah?
186
00:07:30,138 --> 00:07:32,783
Come in my office
a minute, will you?
187
00:07:32,807 --> 00:07:34,952
Uh, Chano... Hmm?
188
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:35,953
Did you call Bellevue?
189
00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:37,187
Yeah, I got in touch with them.
190
00:07:37,211 --> 00:07:38,222
Excuse me.
191
00:07:38,246 --> 00:07:40,946
May I show you something?
192
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:49,233
I'd rather you didn't,
if you don't mind.
193
00:07:49,257 --> 00:07:50,567
There was a time when,
194
00:07:50,591 --> 00:07:51,969
if you wanted
someone to notice you,
195
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:53,503
all you had to show them
196
00:07:53,527 --> 00:07:54,537
was a little courtesy.
197
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,273
Yeah. How about the night shift?
198
00:07:56,297 --> 00:07:57,474
Are they going to make it?
199
00:07:57,498 --> 00:07:58,809
I don't think so.
200
00:07:58,833 --> 00:08:01,344
The guys who live in Long
Island can't get to Manhattan.
201
00:08:01,368 --> 00:08:02,846
Well, that means
202
00:08:02,870 --> 00:08:04,414
that the guys who
live in Manhattan
203
00:08:04,438 --> 00:08:05,582
can't get to Long Island.
204
00:08:05,606 --> 00:08:06,917
Right.
205
00:08:06,941 --> 00:08:08,285
Why don't we call Long Island
206
00:08:08,309 --> 00:08:10,487
and have them keep the
guys who can't get to Manhattan
207
00:08:10,511 --> 00:08:12,189
and we'll keep the guys
who can't get to Long Island?
208
00:08:12,213 --> 00:08:15,292
They tried it once
and they didn't like it.
209
00:08:15,316 --> 00:08:17,560
It made too much sense.
210
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,597
It's going to be a long night.
211
00:08:20,621 --> 00:08:22,599
Here, take a look at that.
212
00:08:22,623 --> 00:08:24,835
You'll get a kick out of it.
213
00:08:24,859 --> 00:08:28,571
Hey, Barney, this is marvelous.
214
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:31,408
Deputy Inspector.
215
00:08:31,432 --> 00:08:32,709
There's a slim chance
216
00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:34,344
of anything like that happening,
217
00:08:34,368 --> 00:08:37,447
but... it's kind
of a kick to see it
218
00:08:37,471 --> 00:08:38,615
in an official publication, huh?
219
00:08:38,639 --> 00:08:40,483
Deputy Inspector.
220
00:08:40,507 --> 00:08:42,485
I know guys who
have been on the force
221
00:08:42,509 --> 00:08:44,321
30, 40 years,
222
00:08:44,345 --> 00:08:45,755
have never even been considered
223
00:08:45,779 --> 00:08:47,791
for a job like this.
224
00:08:47,815 --> 00:08:49,793
Take me, for instance.
225
00:08:49,817 --> 00:08:51,295
I'm proud of you.
226
00:08:51,319 --> 00:08:53,630
I'm going to put this on
the bulletin board. No, no.
227
00:08:53,654 --> 00:08:55,665
Don't say anything.
Don't tell anybody.
228
00:08:55,689 --> 00:08:57,634
It would just be causing
a lot of excitement
229
00:08:57,658 --> 00:08:58,902
over nothing.
230
00:08:58,926 --> 00:09:00,003
I haven't even told Liz.
231
00:09:00,027 --> 00:09:02,639
Deputy Inspector Barney Miller.
232
00:09:02,663 --> 00:09:03,874
What a thrill.
233
00:09:03,898 --> 00:09:05,742
It's a thousand-to-one shot.
234
00:09:05,766 --> 00:09:07,711
The 12th won't be
the same without you.
235
00:09:07,735 --> 00:09:09,679
Come on, I'm not going anywhere.
236
00:09:09,703 --> 00:09:11,348
I'm going to miss you.
237
00:09:11,372 --> 00:09:13,851
Fish, there are five
precinct captains
238
00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:16,619
who've got more time
in on the force than I do.
239
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:18,722
We're all going to miss you.
240
00:09:18,746 --> 00:09:23,894
Cook, Leeds, Stevenson,
Rourke, and Burns.
241
00:09:23,918 --> 00:09:25,428
And Carmichael.
242
00:09:25,452 --> 00:09:28,165
You know what politics
and seniority mean
243
00:09:28,189 --> 00:09:29,933
in an appointment like this?
244
00:09:29,957 --> 00:09:32,469
I've got a feeling
you're going to make it.
245
00:09:32,493 --> 00:09:34,604
Come on.
246
00:09:34,628 --> 00:09:36,740
Don't be ridiculous.
247
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,479
Carmichael? Who's Carmichael?
248
00:09:42,503 --> 00:09:45,883
Hey, I can't get any
more in the safe.
249
00:09:45,907 --> 00:09:48,618
That's what I call
a classy problem.
250
00:09:48,642 --> 00:09:52,722
There must be a
$100,000 here in small bills.
251
00:09:52,746 --> 00:09:56,559
Oh... Where am
I going to put it?
252
00:09:56,583 --> 00:10:00,964
How about beach
property in San Juan?
253
00:10:00,988 --> 00:10:02,266
I can't leave this stuff
254
00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:03,800
sitting around
here till morning.
255
00:10:03,824 --> 00:10:04,801
Oh, man.
256
00:10:04,825 --> 00:10:06,636
Do you know what the interest is
257
00:10:06,660 --> 00:10:08,038
on $100,000
258
00:10:08,062 --> 00:10:09,273
from now until morning?
259
00:10:09,297 --> 00:10:10,640
I'm telling you,
260
00:10:10,664 --> 00:10:12,409
we are blowing a
very big opportunity.
261
00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:14,077
I apologize.
262
00:10:14,101 --> 00:10:15,946
That's okay.
263
00:10:15,970 --> 00:10:18,882
I apologize to the entire world.
264
00:10:18,906 --> 00:10:20,918
On behalf of the entire world,
265
00:10:20,942 --> 00:10:24,788
I accept your apology.
266
00:10:24,812 --> 00:10:26,489
What else?
267
00:10:26,513 --> 00:10:28,325
I want to go to the men's room.
268
00:10:28,349 --> 00:10:29,793
Why didn't you say so?
269
00:10:29,817 --> 00:10:32,996
I want to suffer, but I
don't want to wet my coat.
270
00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:35,098
All right, hurry up.
271
00:10:35,122 --> 00:10:37,134
You don't want to
miss your ambulance.
272
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:39,002
I'm not fit to be
around human beings.
273
00:10:39,026 --> 00:10:40,503
Come on, come on, come on.
274
00:10:40,527 --> 00:10:41,538
Hey, Fish?
275
00:10:41,562 --> 00:10:42,906
What would you do
276
00:10:42,930 --> 00:10:44,808
if you had all this money?
277
00:10:44,832 --> 00:10:48,445
I'd take a trip
around the world.
278
00:10:48,469 --> 00:10:51,548
I'd send Bernice a few bucks...
279
00:10:51,572 --> 00:10:53,383
and postcards.
280
00:10:53,407 --> 00:10:57,054
She loves picture postcards.
281
00:10:57,078 --> 00:10:59,156
You know, I got an
interesting question.
282
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:00,991
Yeah, what's that?
283
00:11:01,015 --> 00:11:04,694
Why would a flasher close
the door to the bathroom?
284
00:11:06,653 --> 00:11:07,897
Jeesh.
285
00:11:07,921 --> 00:11:11,234
What the hell was that?
286
00:11:11,258 --> 00:11:12,836
I think it was a wolf.
287
00:11:12,860 --> 00:11:14,704
It's the rotten plumbing.
288
00:11:20,334 --> 00:11:24,181
Mr. Farber, are you through?
289
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:26,783
Farber's in the bathroom?
290
00:11:26,807 --> 00:11:28,651
He don't sound like
he feels too good.
291
00:11:28,675 --> 00:11:31,243
Farber! Farber!
292
00:11:34,015 --> 00:11:35,359
Chano, give me a hand.
293
00:11:35,383 --> 00:11:36,994
What's going on, Fish?
294
00:11:37,018 --> 00:11:38,195
Wojo, help Chano.
295
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,430
What'd he do?
296
00:11:40,454 --> 00:11:43,166
Tried to electrocute himself.
297
00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:45,002
He put one finger
in the light socket
298
00:11:45,026 --> 00:11:47,893
and one foot in the toilet bowl.
299
00:11:49,430 --> 00:11:51,008
No kidding.
300
00:11:51,032 --> 00:11:53,132
I didn't know he was that tall.
301
00:11:54,768 --> 00:11:56,635
Come on!
302
00:11:58,039 --> 00:11:59,571
Barney...
303
00:12:01,175 --> 00:12:05,010
I'm sorry. I... I
think he's dead.
304
00:12:21,295 --> 00:12:23,740
Taking a prisoner
to the bathroom
305
00:12:23,764 --> 00:12:25,075
is a professional obligation,
306
00:12:25,099 --> 00:12:26,643
not a social function.
307
00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:28,145
I didn't think he
could hurt himself
308
00:12:28,169 --> 00:12:30,447
in the toilet.
309
00:12:30,471 --> 00:12:32,382
Look up your statistics.
310
00:12:32,406 --> 00:12:34,851
Toilets are very high
up in the statistics.
311
00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:37,987
Give me the coroner's office.
312
00:12:38,011 --> 00:12:39,289
That's all right.
313
00:12:39,313 --> 00:12:43,760
If I was in a hurry, I
wouldn't be calling you.
314
00:12:43,784 --> 00:12:45,095
Man, I sure hate
315
00:12:45,119 --> 00:12:46,430
for something like
this to happen, man.
316
00:12:46,454 --> 00:12:47,830
All right, all right,
317
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,332
there's nothing you
can do about it now.
318
00:12:49,356 --> 00:12:50,700
Fill out the coroner's
report. Yes, sir.
319
00:12:50,724 --> 00:12:53,370
This is Detective
Fish, 12th Precinct.
320
00:12:53,394 --> 00:12:57,174
Look, we got a
customer. Suicide.
321
00:12:57,198 --> 00:13:00,277
Electrocution in the men's room.
322
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:03,346
Men's room, right.
323
00:13:03,370 --> 00:13:06,905
Light socket and
the toilet bowl.
324
00:13:10,043 --> 00:13:13,156
Very imaginative, yeah.
325
00:13:13,180 --> 00:13:15,225
Okay, junior, get it in here.
326
00:13:15,249 --> 00:13:17,760
Hey, it's freezing in here.
327
00:13:17,784 --> 00:13:19,396
Ever since we
washed the furnace,
328
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:21,019
we can't do a thing with it.
329
00:13:22,156 --> 00:13:23,467
Some dump.
330
00:13:23,491 --> 00:13:25,702
If I'd have known I
was coming here,
331
00:13:25,726 --> 00:13:27,637
I'd have resisted arrest.
332
00:13:27,661 --> 00:13:30,440
Hold on. I take it all back.
333
00:13:30,464 --> 00:13:32,609
Hey, who left the petty cash
334
00:13:32,633 --> 00:13:34,578
laying out all over the desk?
335
00:13:34,602 --> 00:13:36,546
Sloppy, sloppy.
336
00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:37,680
Petty cash?
337
00:13:37,704 --> 00:13:39,104
Barney!
338
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:42,185
Barney, I ain't sure,
but I think he's alive.
339
00:13:42,209 --> 00:13:43,220
What are you talking about?
340
00:13:43,244 --> 00:13:44,687
I put a mirror under his nose
341
00:13:44,711 --> 00:13:46,156
and I think it fogged a little.
342
00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:47,724
Where the hell are
those guys from Bellevue?
343
00:13:47,748 --> 00:13:49,159
I'll try them again.
344
00:13:49,183 --> 00:13:53,563
Hello, coroner? I'm
going to put you on hold.
345
00:13:53,587 --> 00:13:55,665
What happened?
346
00:13:55,689 --> 00:13:58,901
The flasher committed suicide,
347
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:00,170
but very badly.
348
00:14:00,194 --> 00:14:02,539
He's alive. He's alive!
349
00:14:02,563 --> 00:14:03,928
Hey!
350
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:07,944
Keep him warm.
351
00:14:07,968 --> 00:14:10,536
Put anything on him,
your coats, anything.
352
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,019
He's got a pulse, not
much, but it's there.
353
00:14:16,043 --> 00:14:18,355
Harris... Come on, pulse!
354
00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:19,422
Hey, this is more clothes
355
00:14:19,446 --> 00:14:21,625
than this dude has
had on in his life.
356
00:14:21,649 --> 00:14:22,626
You ready?
357
00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:23,627
Yeah.
358
00:14:23,651 --> 00:14:26,796
One, two, three, four, five...
359
00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:28,998
Uh, I think he's turning blue.
360
00:14:29,022 --> 00:14:30,133
Oh, man.
361
00:14:30,157 --> 00:14:32,302
Don't turn blue, man!
362
00:14:32,326 --> 00:14:34,404
He don't look too blue, does he?
363
00:14:34,428 --> 00:14:35,972
Yeah, he looks
pretty blue to me.
364
00:14:35,996 --> 00:14:37,974
One, two, three, four, five...
365
00:14:37,998 --> 00:14:39,309
Barney, you're not blowing
366
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:40,477
hard enough, man.
367
00:14:40,501 --> 00:14:43,313
Wait a minute.
368
00:14:43,337 --> 00:14:44,337
I lost his pulse.
369
00:14:48,842 --> 00:14:49,819
Anything?
370
00:14:49,843 --> 00:14:50,820
Not yet.
371
00:14:50,844 --> 00:14:52,711
Pop him again.
372
00:14:54,281 --> 00:14:55,659
Over here. Over here.
373
00:14:55,683 --> 00:14:57,494
All right, step aside.
374
00:14:57,518 --> 00:14:59,262
We'll take care of everything.
375
00:14:59,286 --> 00:15:00,963
I got a pulse. I got a pulse.
376
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:04,568
Attaboy, Farber.
377
00:15:04,592 --> 00:15:07,404
Come on, baby.
378
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:10,574
Charlie, the oxygen.
379
00:15:10,598 --> 00:15:11,941
What's all that
money on the desk?
380
00:15:11,965 --> 00:15:12,942
Payday.
381
00:15:12,966 --> 00:15:14,077
Charlie!
382
00:15:14,101 --> 00:15:15,245
I didn't know cops make
383
00:15:15,269 --> 00:15:16,246
that kind of money.
384
00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:17,869
We're very good cops.
385
00:15:19,273 --> 00:15:20,983
How's he look?
386
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:22,151
He seems to be fine.
387
00:15:22,175 --> 00:15:23,453
His heart stopped.
388
00:15:23,477 --> 00:15:25,655
I had to hit him in
the chest with my fist.
389
00:15:25,679 --> 00:15:27,090
Yeah, I think you saved his life
390
00:15:27,114 --> 00:15:28,692
and I know you broke his ribs.
391
00:15:28,716 --> 00:15:30,293
It seemed to be the thing to do
392
00:15:30,317 --> 00:15:31,361
at the time.
393
00:15:31,385 --> 00:15:33,162
It was a good decision.
394
00:15:33,186 --> 00:15:34,364
You'd make a good doctor.
395
00:15:34,388 --> 00:15:38,089
Of course, you'd
make a lot less money.
396
00:15:40,294 --> 00:15:41,471
He looks pretty
good, doesn't he?
397
00:15:41,495 --> 00:15:42,639
Yeah, he didn't look that good
398
00:15:42,663 --> 00:15:43,663
to begin with.
399
00:15:46,833 --> 00:15:48,433
12th Precinct, Sergeant Yemana.
400
00:15:49,670 --> 00:15:52,449
Hey, Barney, it's
the coroner's office.
401
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:54,083
They're still on hold.
402
00:15:54,107 --> 00:15:56,786
Tell them to forget it.
403
00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:57,787
Forget it.
404
00:15:57,811 --> 00:16:00,790
The guy's still alive.
405
00:16:00,814 --> 00:16:01,980
Sorry.
406
00:16:04,285 --> 00:16:06,028
Hey, did you know
this guy has nothing on
407
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,297
under his coat?
408
00:16:07,321 --> 00:16:10,188
He'll be delighted you noticed.
409
00:16:15,296 --> 00:16:16,873
Hey, Engine Room.
410
00:16:16,897 --> 00:16:18,775
What's the matter with
you guys down there?
411
00:16:18,799 --> 00:16:20,009
Turn the heat down.
412
00:16:20,033 --> 00:16:21,444
The humidity is murder up here.
413
00:16:21,468 --> 00:16:24,814
We can't get the stamps
to stick to the envelopes.
414
00:16:24,838 --> 00:16:28,106
I wish I could say the
same for my shorts.
415
00:16:29,943 --> 00:16:32,811
Very well put.
416
00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:36,959
Harris, release those guys
417
00:16:36,983 --> 00:16:38,361
from the one-four
and say thank you.
418
00:16:38,385 --> 00:16:39,796
Will do.
419
00:16:39,820 --> 00:16:40,997
While you're at
it, call downstairs,
420
00:16:41,021 --> 00:16:42,265
See if you can turn
down the steam.
421
00:16:42,289 --> 00:16:43,500
All my papers are curling up.
422
00:16:43,524 --> 00:16:44,524
Yeah, yeah.
423
00:16:46,727 --> 00:16:48,405
You should have seen
424
00:16:48,429 --> 00:16:52,108
what someone wrote
downstairs in the snow.
425
00:16:52,132 --> 00:16:53,610
Where's Chano?
426
00:16:53,634 --> 00:16:56,613
Stopped by at Bellevue to
have breakfast with a nurse.
427
00:16:56,637 --> 00:16:59,649
Captain Miller, can I see
you a moment, please?
428
00:16:59,673 --> 00:17:00,784
We found that wife beater
429
00:17:00,808 --> 00:17:02,352
at a bar on Third Avenue.
430
00:17:02,376 --> 00:17:04,086
He looked worse than she did.
431
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,455
She'll never press charges.
432
00:17:05,479 --> 00:17:08,057
She won't, but he will.
433
00:17:08,081 --> 00:17:10,226
Yes, what can I do for you?
434
00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:13,396
There seems to be an error.
435
00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:14,698
What kind of error?
436
00:17:14,722 --> 00:17:15,732
Easy.
437
00:17:15,756 --> 00:17:19,168
There's no error.
438
00:17:19,192 --> 00:17:25,709
Mr. Wojciehowicz
signed for $216,487.
439
00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:27,644
Yeah, somewhere in there.
440
00:17:27,668 --> 00:17:29,078
Exactly in there.
441
00:17:29,102 --> 00:17:34,283
$216,487? Okay, knock it off.
442
00:17:34,307 --> 00:17:35,552
216,000...
443
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:36,619
All right, you've counted it.
444
00:17:36,643 --> 00:17:37,620
What's the problem?
445
00:17:37,644 --> 00:17:40,890
There's exactly $5000 missing.
446
00:17:40,914 --> 00:17:43,125
$5000?
447
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,784
That's impossible.
448
00:17:46,987 --> 00:17:49,031
Maybe you ought
to count it again.
449
00:17:49,055 --> 00:17:50,367
I've counted it three times.
450
00:17:50,391 --> 00:17:51,668
That right, Pete?
451
00:17:51,692 --> 00:17:53,870
That's correct.
I counted it too.
452
00:17:53,894 --> 00:17:55,938
It's a bundle short.
453
00:17:55,962 --> 00:17:57,240
Fish?
454
00:17:57,264 --> 00:17:58,307
Yeah?
455
00:17:58,331 --> 00:17:59,676
Count it.
456
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:01,310
Harris?
457
00:18:01,334 --> 00:18:03,869
You watch Fish.
458
00:18:05,539 --> 00:18:08,407
Pete, you watch Harris.
459
00:18:11,211 --> 00:18:13,189
Wojciehowicz, check
out the safe again.
460
00:18:13,213 --> 00:18:14,591
No, there's nothing
in the safe, Barney.
461
00:18:14,615 --> 00:18:15,925
Hey, come on, you guys,
462
00:18:15,949 --> 00:18:17,427
stop clowning around.
463
00:18:17,451 --> 00:18:18,528
Now, this ain't funny.
464
00:18:18,552 --> 00:18:21,464
Come on, Fish,
Harris... Hey, man...
465
00:18:21,488 --> 00:18:22,699
Yemana?
466
00:18:22,723 --> 00:18:23,867
Don't look at me.
467
00:18:23,891 --> 00:18:24,868
I don't touch that stuff.
468
00:18:24,892 --> 00:18:25,968
I'm an addict.
469
00:18:25,992 --> 00:18:28,605
Check out the other
desks, will you?
470
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:32,442
Wojciehowicz, check
out that safe again.
471
00:18:32,466 --> 00:18:33,710
Chano's missing.
472
00:18:33,734 --> 00:18:34,977
Check out the safe again!
473
00:18:35,001 --> 00:18:38,014
Mr. Gross, there was
a lot of excitement
474
00:18:38,038 --> 00:18:39,015
here last night.
475
00:18:39,039 --> 00:18:40,016
The money could
have been misplaced
476
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,183
or gotten buried
477
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:44,587
under some of
this official... litter.
478
00:18:44,611 --> 00:18:47,490
Have you ever misplaced
$5000 before, captain?
479
00:18:47,514 --> 00:18:50,427
Yeah, once, in a Monopoly game.
480
00:18:50,451 --> 00:18:52,295
Barney, there's
nothing in the safe
481
00:18:52,319 --> 00:18:53,296
but petty cash.
482
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,464
Oh?
483
00:18:54,488 --> 00:18:55,998
$16.
484
00:18:56,022 --> 00:18:58,435
And that's for two weeks.
485
00:18:58,459 --> 00:19:02,171
$75,000... $80,000... $85,000.
486
00:19:02,195 --> 00:19:03,239
What are you up to, Fish?
487
00:19:03,263 --> 00:19:04,574
$90,000... $95,000.
488
00:19:04,598 --> 00:19:06,242
Count careful, now.
489
00:19:06,266 --> 00:19:10,447
$100,000... $105,000... $5000...
490
00:19:10,471 --> 00:19:13,015
I'll never pay it off
at $714.00 a month.
491
00:19:13,039 --> 00:19:19,210
$714,000...
$715,000... Hey, Fish.
492
00:19:32,325 --> 00:19:36,606
$5000... $10,000...
493
00:19:36,630 --> 00:19:38,875
I don't see it anywhere.
494
00:19:38,899 --> 00:19:40,743
There's nothing on these desks.
495
00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:42,278
Wojo, are you certain
496
00:19:42,302 --> 00:19:44,113
when you signed this
money out of Siegel's,
497
00:19:44,137 --> 00:19:45,114
it was all there?
498
00:19:45,138 --> 00:19:46,749
Yeah, sure I'm sure.
499
00:19:46,773 --> 00:19:48,952
Then where the hell could
it have gone? I don't know.
500
00:19:48,976 --> 00:19:50,353
Harris, you were
standing right there
501
00:19:50,377 --> 00:19:51,955
when I was
putting it in the safe.
502
00:19:51,979 --> 00:19:53,623
Hey, you wouldn't let
me help you, remember?
503
00:19:53,647 --> 00:19:54,891
You said it was all yours.
504
00:19:54,915 --> 00:19:57,360
You said that?
505
00:19:57,384 --> 00:20:00,363
It was a figure of
speech, Mr. Gross.
506
00:20:00,387 --> 00:20:01,898
Detective Wojciehowicz
507
00:20:01,922 --> 00:20:03,700
probably felt
personally responsible
508
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:04,868
for the money.
509
00:20:04,892 --> 00:20:06,536
He is personally responsible
510
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,104
for the money.
511
00:20:08,128 --> 00:20:09,973
You hear that, Harris?
512
00:20:09,997 --> 00:20:11,440
Hey, man, don't look at me.
513
00:20:11,464 --> 00:20:12,709
If I needed any extra money,
514
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:15,545
I could do windows.
515
00:20:15,569 --> 00:20:17,814
Hey, hey, hey, fellows.
516
00:20:17,838 --> 00:20:19,849
Look what I got
from Miss Sanchez.
517
00:20:19,873 --> 00:20:22,018
Man, you're in the
wrong business.
518
00:20:22,042 --> 00:20:23,887
Where the hell did she get that?
519
00:20:23,911 --> 00:20:26,188
She got it from
Mr. Farber's coat.
520
00:20:26,212 --> 00:20:27,524
Yeah, seems like
521
00:20:27,548 --> 00:20:29,158
when you guys
took him out of here,
522
00:20:29,182 --> 00:20:31,494
he had just enough
strength to steal it.
523
00:20:31,518 --> 00:20:33,195
Well, there's hope for him yet.
524
00:20:33,219 --> 00:20:34,664
At least he's given up suicide.
525
00:20:34,688 --> 00:20:36,599
Yeah, but he's
taken up stealing.
526
00:20:36,623 --> 00:20:38,034
One step at a time.
527
00:20:38,058 --> 00:20:39,257
Mr. Gross?
528
00:20:41,028 --> 00:20:43,472
Count it, please.
529
00:20:43,496 --> 00:20:44,908
Thank you, captain.
530
00:20:44,932 --> 00:20:46,609
I knew I didn't lose it.
531
00:20:46,633 --> 00:20:49,979
$1200... I never
took my eyes off it...
532
00:20:50,003 --> 00:20:52,549
Except for a minute.
533
00:20:52,573 --> 00:20:55,184
I must have aged a
couple hundred years.
534
00:20:55,208 --> 00:20:57,568
A couple hundred thousand...
535
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:03,726
$200, $400...
536
00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:06,162
12th Precinct. Sergeant Yemana.
537
00:21:06,186 --> 00:21:07,697
Yeah, he's right here.
538
00:21:07,721 --> 00:21:08,765
Barney, it's for you.
539
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:10,499
It's the commissioner.
540
00:21:10,523 --> 00:21:12,869
I'll take it in my office.
541
00:21:12,893 --> 00:21:14,492
Congratulations, Barney.
542
00:21:17,030 --> 00:21:19,341
Congratulations for what?
543
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:21,878
Barney is up for
deputy inspector.
544
00:21:21,902 --> 00:21:22,879
No kidding!
545
00:21:22,903 --> 00:21:23,980
How about that?
546
00:21:24,004 --> 00:21:25,247
It's all here.
547
00:21:25,271 --> 00:21:26,415
Thank you very much, gentlemen.
548
00:21:26,439 --> 00:21:27,717
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
549
00:21:27,741 --> 00:21:28,718
Sign this.
550
00:21:28,742 --> 00:21:30,541
My pleasure.
551
00:21:38,018 --> 00:21:39,796
Hey, is he taking that
money out of here?
552
00:21:39,820 --> 00:21:41,464
Yeah, and it's about time.
553
00:21:41,488 --> 00:21:44,166
Hey, you... What?
554
00:21:44,190 --> 00:21:46,636
Stick 'em up.
555
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:48,337
Don't be ridiculous.
556
00:21:48,361 --> 00:21:50,873
You're in jail. You
don't even have a gun.
557
00:21:50,897 --> 00:21:53,876
I don't care. Stick 'em up!
558
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:56,679
Take it easy, kid.
559
00:21:56,703 --> 00:21:59,148
What a night.
560
00:21:59,172 --> 00:22:01,350
All right, you guys got
561
00:22:01,374 --> 00:22:02,585
your final reports ready?
562
00:22:02,609 --> 00:22:03,886
Yeah, here's mine.
563
00:22:03,910 --> 00:22:05,488
Anybody else?
564
00:22:05,512 --> 00:22:07,189
Almost finished.
565
00:22:07,213 --> 00:22:08,224
Well?
566
00:22:08,248 --> 00:22:09,525
Well, what?
567
00:22:09,549 --> 00:22:11,127
The commissioner.
What did he say?
568
00:22:11,151 --> 00:22:14,563
Oh, Carmichael got it.
569
00:22:14,587 --> 00:22:16,232
Carmichael?
570
00:22:16,256 --> 00:22:19,102
Oh, I knew I wasn't
going to get it.
571
00:22:19,126 --> 00:22:20,870
Carmichael's got
four years on me.
572
00:22:20,894 --> 00:22:22,071
He's a good man, Carmichael.
573
00:22:22,095 --> 00:22:23,272
I'm sorry, Barney.
574
00:22:23,296 --> 00:22:24,707
Don't be silly.
575
00:22:24,731 --> 00:22:27,598
Here you go, Barn.
576
00:22:30,003 --> 00:22:31,313
Barney...
577
00:22:31,337 --> 00:22:33,549
Will you guys cut it out?
578
00:22:33,573 --> 00:22:35,785
Come on, now. I knew
I wasn't going to get it.
579
00:22:35,809 --> 00:22:37,153
I didn't expect it.
580
00:22:37,177 --> 00:22:38,154
Come on.
581
00:22:38,178 --> 00:22:39,978
There's always next year.
582
00:22:53,293 --> 00:22:56,327
Wojciehowicz, get
that fixed, will you?
583
00:23:05,972 --> 00:23:07,550
145th Street and 9th,
584
00:23:07,574 --> 00:23:08,718
that's where they're going
585
00:23:08,742 --> 00:23:09,786
to have the heist.
586
00:23:09,810 --> 00:23:11,754
Hey, Barney.
587
00:23:11,778 --> 00:23:13,990
Somebody left
this package for you
588
00:23:14,014 --> 00:23:15,324
at the desk downstairs.
589
00:23:15,348 --> 00:23:17,160
Hey, I'll bet it's
from Siegel's.
590
00:23:17,184 --> 00:23:20,329
They gave me a
credit application.
591
00:23:20,353 --> 00:23:21,798
Nice of them, if it was.
592
00:23:21,822 --> 00:23:23,032
It's probably for all you guys.
593
00:23:23,056 --> 00:23:25,367
No, it's addressed to you.
594
00:23:25,391 --> 00:23:27,336
"To Captain Barney Miller,
595
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:28,738
"with grateful appreciation
596
00:23:28,762 --> 00:23:30,940
"of all your efforts
on my behalf.
597
00:23:30,964 --> 00:23:34,966
Lyle W. Farber,
Attorney at Law."
39619
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