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1
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:04,831
- HI, EVERYBODY.
- HI.
2
00:00:04,855 --> 00:00:08,384
RORY, WERE YOU GUYS JUST
PLAYING VIDEO GAMES ALL DAY?
3
00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:10,370
NO, WE STOPPED TO PEE.
4
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,126
I SCHOOLED YOU!
5
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:18,945
- ONE MORE GAME.
- WHAT DO YOU SAY?
6
00:00:18,969 --> 00:00:20,714
I'M SUCH A GIRL.
7
00:00:20,738 --> 00:00:22,849
THERE YOU GO.
8
00:00:22,873 --> 00:00:24,851
MOM, JENNA INVITED ME
TO SLEEP OVER TONIGHT,
9
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:26,519
SO I'M GOING TO. OKAY,
THANKS. LOVE YOU. BYE.
10
00:00:26,543 --> 00:00:28,338
WHOA WHOA, MISSY.
11
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,825
ARE JENNA'S PARENTS GONNA BE
HOME, AND WHO ELSE IS GONNA BE THERE?
12
00:00:31,849 --> 00:00:35,078
TAKE IT EASY, SIPOWICZ.
IT'S JUST A SLEEPOVER.
13
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:37,380
YEAH, MOM, IT'S
JUST A SLEEPOVER.
14
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,649
C.J., YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS.
15
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:43,052
OH, NOT THAT I KNOW OF.
16
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:44,971
OH, GOOD, MOM. YOU'RE HOME.
17
00:00:44,995 --> 00:00:48,091
- I NEED YOU TO
TAKE ME DRIVING.
- I JUST WALKED IN THE DOOR.
18
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:50,093
BUT I NEED MORE
PRACTICE BEFORE MY TEST.
19
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:51,528
I NEED YOU TO TAKE ME NOW!
20
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,647
OKAY, I'LL TAKE
YOU DRIVING LATER.
21
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,651
SOMETHING FUNNY, DAD?
22
00:00:58,675 --> 00:01:01,020
I DON'T KNOW. THE THOUGHT OF YOU
23
00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:04,073
TEACHING SOMEBODY
TO DRIVE JUST TICKLES ME.
24
00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:06,343
HEY, I'M A GOOD DRIVER.
25
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,411
TELL THAT TO THE
DOYLE'S MAILBOX.
26
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:10,714
NOW NOW, BE FAIR.
27
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:13,182
THAT MAILBOX SWERVED
IN FRONT OF HER.
28
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:16,875
MOST OF MY FRIENDS HAVE
NEVER EVEN SEEN AN AIRBAG.
29
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:24,444
YOU KNOW, RORY, IT
SNOWS A LOT IN MICHIGAN.
30
00:01:24,468 --> 00:01:27,346
BESIDES, THERE ARE A LOT OF
INDECISIVE SQUIRRELS ON THE ROAD.
31
00:01:27,370 --> 00:01:30,522
NOT AS MANY AS THERE USED TO BE.
32
00:01:32,142 --> 00:01:35,204
ALL RIGHT, SINCE YOU'RE
GOD'S GIFT TO THE AUTOMOBILE,
33
00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:36,239
YOU TAKE KERRY OUT.
34
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,224
FINE BY ME.
35
00:01:38,248 --> 00:01:39,292
SHE CAN STILL BE SAVED.
36
00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:40,927
THIS I GOTTA SEE.
37
00:01:40,951 --> 00:01:43,997
ALL RIGHT. I'LL GET A FREE
RIDE BACK TO CAMPUS.
38
00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,665
BIG PARTY AT MY PAD TONIGHT.
39
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,317
WHAT ARE YOU CELEBRATING,
40
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,118
BEING THE OLDEST MAN ON CAMPUS?
41
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:50,686
YOU KNOW IT, SISTER.
42
00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:54,624
WITH AGE COMES AN
APPRECIATION OF EDUCATION,
43
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,659
- A MATURITY,
IF YOU WILL.
- SHOTGUN!
44
00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:57,683
NO!
45
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,851
WELL, KERRY, I HOPE YOU
WERE WATCHING CLOSELY.
46
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,508
THAT IS HOW YOU DRIVE A CAR.
47
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:11,407
WE'RE HOME. RORY, IT'S HOME.
48
00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:14,282
NO OFFENSE, GRANDPA,
BUT CAN YOU SEE?
49
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:18,080
YOU ALMOST HIT A DOG.
50
00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:21,234
THAT DOG WASN'T ON A LEASH.
51
00:02:21,258 --> 00:02:23,391
HE WAS ON THE SIDEWALK.
52
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:29,326
AND YOU'RE REALLY NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE FLIPPING PEOPLE OFF.
53
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:33,880
OH, I WAS JUST SIGNALING SOME THUG
ON A MOTORCYCLE TO STOP TAILGATING ME.
54
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,856
GRANDPA, IT'S THE THUG.
55
00:02:41,712 --> 00:02:43,223
LICENSE, PLEASE.
56
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:44,891
IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?
57
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,393
OH, WHERE DO I BEGIN?
58
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:51,214
SPEEDING, ROLLING
THROUGH STOP SIGNS,
59
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:52,899
FLIPPING ME OFF.
60
00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:55,501
NOW, YOUR LICENSE.
61
00:02:55,525 --> 00:02:58,143
HERE YOU ARE, SIR.
62
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:02,041
AND REMOVE THE DOLLAR
BILL WRAPPED AROUND IT.
63
00:03:02,065 --> 00:03:04,477
WHAT DOLLAR... OH!
64
00:03:04,501 --> 00:03:05,968
OH, I'M SORRY.
65
00:03:08,205 --> 00:03:10,533
THIS IS AN EXPIRED
FLORIDA LICENSE.
66
00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:12,018
IF YOU WANT TO
DRIVE IN MICHIGAN,
67
00:03:12,042 --> 00:03:13,552
YOU HAVE TO TAKE
OUR DRIVER'S TEST.
68
00:03:17,014 --> 00:03:18,274
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
69
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:20,393
OH, JUST THE THOUGHT OF YOU
70
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:21,895
TAKING YOUR DRIVER'S TEST
71
00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:23,285
KIND OF TICKLES ME.
72
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,054
OFFICER, DO YOU KNOW HOW
MANY SQUIRRELS SHE'S KILLED?
73
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,441
LADIES, BABIES,
CUTIES, HOW ARE YOU?
74
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:36,792
MY PARTY, MY PAD.
I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT.
75
00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:39,712
BIG STEVE, WHAT'S
UP? FUNNELS LATER?
76
00:03:39,736 --> 00:03:42,465
FOR SURE. YOU'RE SO COOL, DUDE.
77
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:45,168
HEY, WHAT'S THE LADY
LOWDOWN, ROONEY?
78
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:47,120
YEAH, SO YOU SEE
HALEY OVER THERE?
79
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:48,855
- YEAH.
- FRESH OFF A BREAKUP.
80
00:03:48,879 --> 00:03:51,908
I'D GO AFTER HER MYSELF BUT I
JUST SPOTTED THIS TALENT OUTSIDE.
81
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,493
OOH, NICE. THANKS
FOR THE TIP, MARTHA.
82
00:03:54,517 --> 00:03:58,881
WOUNDED BEAUTY SEEKS
SHOULDER TO CRY ON. I LIKE IT.
83
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,201
COVER ME. I'M GONNA RUN IN
THE BACK, DO SOME PUSHUPS.
84
00:04:02,225 --> 00:04:04,220
THERE SHE IS. I
GOTTA GET TO WORK.
85
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,289
DUDE, THAT'S MY COUSIN.
86
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:08,379
HEY, I SAW HER FIRST.
87
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:15,131
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- WHY ARE YOU WEARING
THAT HAT?
88
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,833
- 'CAUSE IT'S COOL.
- NO, IT'S NOT.
89
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,818
- FIVE PEOPLE SAID IT WAS.
- WHERE ARE THEY?
90
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,553
THEY LEFT. WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
91
00:04:20,577 --> 00:04:23,406
REMEMBER HOW YOU WERE PRINTING
THOSE FLYERS OFF OUR COMPUTER?
92
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,308
WELL, I KIND OF SAW IT AND I
KIND OF SHOWED IT TO MY FRIENDS,
93
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:26,710
AND WE ALL DECIDED TO
KIND OF SURPRISE YOU.
94
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:27,994
- SO, SURPRISE!
- SURPRISE!
95
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,762
SURPRISE! LEAVE.
96
00:04:29,786 --> 00:04:32,665
OH MY GOD, WHO'S THAT?
HE'S SO ASHTON KUTCHER.
97
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,067
JAILBAIT, I'M TALKING
TO YOU GUYS.
98
00:04:34,091 --> 00:04:37,136
LOOK, I'M TAKING YOU
BACK TO JENNA'S RIGHT NOW.
99
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,006
HALEY, MEET C.J.
100
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:43,297
YOUR HEAD, MY SHOULDER.
TELL ME SECRETS.
101
00:04:54,277 --> 00:04:56,473
AND YOU STAY AWAY
FROM MY ROOMMATE ERIC.
102
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,457
HE'S AFTER ONE
THING. HE'S A PIG.
103
00:04:58,481 --> 00:05:00,376
- Haley: C.J.
- JUST A SECOND.
104
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,934
I HAVE TO GO BEFORE SHE
GETS HER SELF-ESTEEM BACK.
105
00:05:04,487 --> 00:05:05,898
HOW CAN I HELP?
106
00:05:05,922 --> 00:05:08,201
THESE TWO GIRLS IN THE BATHROOM,
107
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:10,319
THEY TOLD ME THAT MY EX
WAS HOOKING UP WITH THEM
108
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:11,804
THE SAME TIME HE WAS DATING ME.
109
00:05:11,828 --> 00:05:13,556
WAIT. YOU'RE TELLING ME
110
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:16,860
THERE'S TWO OTHER HURT GIRLS
HERE, NOW, IN MY BATHROOM?
111
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,695
WHAT, DID I RUB A MAGIC
LAMP OR SOMETHING?
112
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:19,712
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
113
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,865
YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING?
114
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,366
I FEEL LIKE GETTING EVEN,
115
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:25,510
HOOKING UP WITH
THE FIRST JERK I MEET.
116
00:05:26,676 --> 00:05:28,242
TECHNICALLY THAT'S ME.
117
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,481
HOLD ON ONE SECOND,
AND PLEASE DON'T CHEER UP.
118
00:05:33,617 --> 00:05:35,244
IS THAT BEER IN
THOSE CUPS, CHILDREN?
119
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,396
FOR THE LAST TIME WE
ARE NOT DRINKING BEER.
120
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:40,533
HAND OVER THEM CUPS, IN CASE
YOU PLAN ON SPIKING THEM LATER.
121
00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:43,569
SPIKING THEM? WHAT'S THAT?
122
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,877
NICE TRY, BOOZY SUZIE. CUPS.
123
00:05:48,999 --> 00:05:49,999
SODA POP.
124
00:05:51,969 --> 00:05:53,502
DIET SODA POP.
125
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:56,732
CRAN-RASPBERRY.
126
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:59,001
OW! HOT COFFEE!
127
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,169
YOU COULD HAVE WARNED ME.
128
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:03,640
LISTEN, HALEY IS VERY
IMPORTANT TO ME RIGHT NOW.
129
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:05,825
STAY HERE, BEHAVE, AND
STAY AWAY FROM SLEAZY ERIC.
130
00:06:05,849 --> 00:06:08,228
- HEY, DUDE.
- YO.
131
00:06:08,252 --> 00:06:10,980
WHERE WERE WE? YOU WERE GONNA
GET EVEN WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND.
132
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,948
AND HE'S OUT OF STATE, I HOPE?
133
00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:16,101
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING
TO HAVE ONE WILD NIGHT,
134
00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:17,153
JUST LIKE HE DID.
135
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:18,571
HOW WILD?
136
00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:23,076
I MEAN, SHOULD I STRETCH? OH.
137
00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:31,439
NO!
138
00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:44,981
YOU JUST GOT BEER
ALL OVER MY NEW SHOES!
139
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,782
- SO IT WAS BEER!
- IT WAS?
140
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:49,591
ALL RIGHT, JOSIE, YOU AND THE
PUSSYCATS ARE OUT OF HERE.
141
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:56,075
SORRY, MOM. I'D HELP YOU BUT I
GOTTA KEEP STUDYING THE MANUAL.
142
00:06:56,099 --> 00:06:57,927
DAD, WHY AREN'T YOU STUDYING?
143
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,652
"'CAUSE I'VE BEEN DRIVING
FOR OVER 50 YEARS!"
144
00:07:02,405 --> 00:07:04,017
HAVE YOU?
145
00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:05,584
I DON'T THINK SO.
146
00:07:05,608 --> 00:07:07,537
YOU STILL NEED TO STUDY.
147
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:10,640
- A LOT'S CHANGED SINCE
YOU FIRST GOT YOUR LICENSE.
- LIKE WHAT?
148
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,997
YOU CAN'T SHOOT BUFFALOES
FROM YOUR CAR ANYMORE.
149
00:07:17,554 --> 00:07:21,255
AND THEY HAVE ENGINES NOW. THEY'RE
NOT FOOT-POWERED LIKE "THE FLINTSTONES."
150
00:07:22,926 --> 00:07:24,920
OH, A FAMILY FULL OF COMEDIANS.
151
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:29,441
I FEEL LIKE I'M SITTING HERE
WITH RED BUTTONS AND JACK OAKIE.
152
00:07:29,465 --> 00:07:31,227
TOPICAL.
153
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,579
OKAY, GRANDPA,
LET'S TEST YOU OUT.
154
00:07:33,603 --> 00:07:37,033
TRUE OR FALSE? HONK YOUR HORN TO SHOW
OTHER DRIVERS WHEN THEY MAKE A MISTAKE.
155
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,201
- TRUE.
- FALSE.
156
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:41,771
HONKING MAY UPSET THEM SO
MUCH THEY MAKE MORE MISTAKES.
157
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,306
THAT'S RIDICULOUS. HOW THE
HELL ARE THEY EVER GONNA LEARN?
158
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:47,793
DAD, YOU ARE SO TAKING THE BUS.
159
00:07:47,817 --> 00:07:49,746
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S
IT. I AM OUT OF HERE.
160
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,480
I'LL GO READ MY PAPER IN PEACE.
161
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:55,668
NO, WAIT. OKAY, WHAT DO YOU DO
WHEN THERE'S A FUNERAL PROCESSION?
162
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:58,392
IT DEPENDS. HOW WELL
DID I KNOW THE DECEASED?
163
00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:02,358
GRANDPA, YOU DON'T
KNOW THEM AT ALL.
164
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,582
THEN TO HELL WITH 'EM.
165
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,880
- HEY, MOM.
- HI, BRIDGE.
166
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,149
HOW WAS JENNA'S LAST
NIGHT? DID YOU GIRLS HAVE FUN?
167
00:08:10,173 --> 00:08:13,803
YEAH, IT WAS FINE. WE JUST
WENT TO SEE A BORING MOVIE.
168
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,070
WHAT MOVIE DID YOU SEE?
169
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:18,129
YOU KNOW, IT WAS SO
BORING I DON'T REMEMBER.
170
00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:24,346
YOU ONLY DON'T REMEMBER
MOVIES WHEN YOU'RE WITH A GUY.
171
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:27,989
SO, UH, WHO WAS IN IT?
172
00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:36,597
UM, YEAH, THAT WAS
IN THE... MONKEYS.
173
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:39,913
THERE ARE NO MONKEY
MOVIES CURRENTLY PLAYING.
174
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:41,186
I THINK I WOULD KNOW.
175
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,719
THANKS, RORY. SHE FOOLED ME.
176
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:49,738
RORY, WOULD YOU TAKE THIS
DOWN TO THE BASEMENT, PLEASE?
177
00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:52,380
ALL RIGHT, BRIDGET, YOU AND I
HAVE GOT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
178
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,700
A LITTLE WEIRD, BUT WHATEVER.
179
00:08:57,954 --> 00:09:00,082
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO
MY SOCK, YOU LITTLE PERV?
180
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:05,071
NOTHING. I JUST FIND IT
INTERESTING, AND, WELL, ODD
181
00:09:05,095 --> 00:09:07,823
THAT IT SMELLS
EXACTLY LIKE BEER.
182
00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:10,593
WHAT?
183
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,929
GIVE ME THAT.
184
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:16,098
OH, MY GOD, IT DOES
SMELL LIKE BEER!
185
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,384
WHAT IS GOING ON?
186
00:09:18,408 --> 00:09:22,109
IT'S THIS NEW BEER
PERFUME. THE GUYS LOVE IT!
187
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,825
NICE TRY. I WAS YOUR AGE ONCE.
188
00:09:25,849 --> 00:09:29,212
I INVENTED BEER PERFUME
AND MONKEY MOVIES.
189
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,169
YOU MEAN WE'RE RICH?
190
00:09:32,955 --> 00:09:34,951
I WANT THE TRUTH NOW.
191
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:39,571
IT MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH
THIS FLYER PRINTED OFF OUR COMPUTER:
192
00:09:39,595 --> 00:09:41,324
"C.J.'S BEER BASH."
193
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,309
BEER ON BRIDGET'S SOCK.
194
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,911
BEER BASH.
195
00:09:44,935 --> 00:09:46,400
SOCK.
196
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:50,767
IF ONLY WE KNEW WHO
THIS C.J. FELLOW WAS.
197
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,741
- RORY, LAUNDRY.
- NO, RORY HAPPY.
198
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,123
SO THIS IS WHERE
YOU WERE LAST NIGHT...
199
00:09:57,147 --> 00:10:00,676
C.J.'S COLLEGE PARTY WHERE
THEY WERE SERVING BEER?
200
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:04,719
YOU WERE THERE? YOU SHOULD
HAVE SAID SOMETHING. I DIDN'T SEE YOU.
201
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:09,469
- BRIDGET.
- YES, I WENT. WHATEVER. I DIDN'T DRINK.
202
00:10:09,493 --> 00:10:12,121
YES, BUT YOU LIED
STRAIGHT TO MY FACE.
203
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,806
YOU ARE GROUNDED, YOUNG LADY.
204
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:16,225
Rory: TAKE AWAY
HER CELL PHONE TOO!
205
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,978
SHUT UP, MONKEY-MOVIE LOVER!
206
00:10:19,002 --> 00:10:21,080
THIS IS UNFAIR. I SHOULD
BE ABLE TO DO WHATEVER...
207
00:10:21,104 --> 00:10:22,799
I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT.
208
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:25,401
END OF DISCUSSION.
NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM.
209
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:28,104
AND YOU CANNOT HAVE
THAT CELL PHONE EITHER!
210
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,728
Rory yells: SWEET!
211
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:34,877
WELL, I'M GONNA
SKEDOODLE. I GOT SOME...
212
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:37,496
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO THINK ABOUT THIS, C.J.?
213
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:41,300
YOU HEARD HER LIE STRAIGHT TO
MY FACE ABOUT GOING TO JENNA'S.
214
00:10:41,324 --> 00:10:43,536
YOU KNEW THAT SHE WAS NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE AT THAT PARTY.
215
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,922
LOOK, SHE JUST SHOWED UP
AND THEN SHE WOULDN'T LEAVE.
216
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,623
THERE WAS A SMOKIN'
HOT GIRL AFTER ME
217
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,425
AND I BLEW HER OFF TO
KEEP AN EYE ON THAT ONE.
218
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,077
YOU CALL THAT RESPONSIBLE?
219
00:10:51,101 --> 00:10:54,230
IN MY DEFENSE, YOU DIDN'T
SEE HOW HOT SHE WAS.
220
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,649
THAT'S IT, C.J. I'VE HAD IT.
221
00:10:56,673 --> 00:10:58,784
EVERY TIME MY
CHILDREN ARE WITH YOU
222
00:10:58,808 --> 00:10:59,902
THEY GET INTO TROUBLE.
223
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:02,104
AND I JUST CAN'T LET
IT SLIDE ANYMORE.
224
00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:05,374
YOU... YOU'RE BANISHED.
225
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:09,083
WHAT, ARE WE GOING
BACK TO THE MIDDLE AGES?
226
00:11:11,354 --> 00:11:12,799
- YOU'RE SERIOUS?
- UH-HUH.
227
00:11:12,823 --> 00:11:14,333
I JUST THINK WE WILL
ALL BE BETTER OFF
228
00:11:14,357 --> 00:11:16,557
IF YOU DON'T COME AROUND
THIS HOUSE FOR A WHILE.
229
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:18,759
HOW LONG IS A WHILE?
230
00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:21,658
A DAY?
231
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:23,342
TWO?
232
00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:26,317
LONGER?
233
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:32,768
FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT? I
DON'T NEED THIS DUMMY HOUSE.
234
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,771
I WON'T BOTHER YOU ANYMORE.
235
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,056
I DON'T NEED TO BE HANGING
OUT WITH A BUNCH OF TEENAGERS
236
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,698
AND I CERTAINLY HAVE MORE
MATURE FRIENDS AT SCHOOL.
237
00:11:45,054 --> 00:11:46,565
I'M SO PSYCHED! CAN
YOU BELIEVE IT, MOM?
238
00:11:46,589 --> 00:11:48,434
I'M ACTUALLY GETTING
MY LICENSE TODAY.
239
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,753
NO MORE EMBARRASSING
RIDES IN THE MINIVAN WITH YOU.
240
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:52,922
I'LL MISS THEM TOO, HONEY.
241
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,374
DAD, HOW ABOUT YOU? YOU
HAPPY TO GET YOUR LICENSE BACK?
242
00:11:55,398 --> 00:11:58,694
YEP. NO MORE EMBARRASSING
RIDES IN THE MINIVAN WITH YOU.
243
00:12:01,237 --> 00:12:03,232
OH, NO NO NO. THAT'S C.J.
244
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,600
JUST LET THE MACHINE PICK UP.
245
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:09,822
Hey, it's C.J. again.
Anybody there?
246
00:12:09,846 --> 00:12:12,675
Aunt Cate? Bridgie?
247
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:14,677
Kerry? Rory?
248
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:17,268
Grampy, if you're there,
limp over and pick up.
249
00:12:18,788 --> 00:12:21,517
I hope you guys aren't
screening my calls,
250
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,552
standing around
staring at the phone.
251
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,393
That would be embarrassing.
252
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:29,180
Seriously, no one's there?
253
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,412
Okay, bye.
254
00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:35,398
MOM, PLEASE LET HIM COME BACK.
255
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,767
I MISS HAVING A WORTHY
VIDEO GAME OPPONENT.
256
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,653
GRANDPA'S REFLEXES ARE SHOT.
257
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:42,355
NO.
258
00:12:42,379 --> 00:12:44,807
OH, COME ON, MOM. IT WAS
KIND OF LIKE HAVING A FAMILY PET
259
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:46,609
IN A GIANT HUMAN SUIT.
260
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:50,613
NO, NOT AFTER HE WAS SUCH
A BAD INFLUENCE ON BRIDGET.
261
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,220
YEAH, LIKE THAT WAS THE FIRST
COLLEGE PARTY I'VE EVER BEEN TO.
262
00:12:57,394 --> 00:13:00,840
EXPLAIN, PLEASE.
263
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:04,844
OKAY. WE WENT TO THE PARTY UNINVITED
AND C.J. TRIED TO GET US TO LEAVE.
264
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,868
BUT YOU CANNOT REGROUND ME BECAUSE
YOU SHOULD HAVE ALREADY FIGURED THAT OUT.
265
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:11,183
C.J. HAD TO HAVE
SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS,
266
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,535
HE JUST HAD TO.
267
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,720
HIS NAME KEEPS COMING UP.
268
00:13:14,744 --> 00:13:16,855
DAD, BACK ME UP.
DID I OVERREACT?
269
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,859
I DO MISS HAVING SOMEONE
TO SWING MY CANE AT.
270
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,863
OH, NOT AGAIN.
271
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,649
Oh, Aunt Cate, I
forgot one thing:
272
00:13:27,673 --> 00:13:29,808
I wuv you.
273
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,972
Seriously, you're not there?
274
00:13:33,996 --> 00:13:36,409
All right. Bye.
275
00:13:36,433 --> 00:13:38,777
OKAY, YOU MAY BEGIN.
276
00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:41,085
PLEASE BRING YOUR TESTS
TO ME WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED.
277
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:43,682
GOOD LUCK.
278
00:13:43,706 --> 00:13:45,290
I'LL BE FINE.
279
00:13:48,712 --> 00:13:49,861
PSSST.
280
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,914
PSSST!
281
00:13:54,284 --> 00:13:55,477
OW!
282
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:56,462
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
283
00:13:56,486 --> 00:13:59,331
JUST LET ME TAKE A PEEK.
284
00:13:59,355 --> 00:14:01,550
WHAT? NO WAY.
285
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,336
JUST GIVE ME THE ANSWER TO #1.
286
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,039
AND #2.
287
00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:10,392
COME TO THINK OF
IT, #3 IS A MINDBENDER.
288
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:12,595
GRANDPA, I'M NOT CHEATING.
289
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,246
NO TALKING DURING
THE TEST, PLEASE.
290
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,590
THAT'S JUST WHAT
I WAS TELLING HER.
291
00:14:24,414 --> 00:14:27,176
- HEY.
- I SAID NO.
292
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,284
OH, STOP BEING SUCH
A GOODY-TWO-SHOES.
293
00:14:32,922 --> 00:14:34,872
I'LL BUY YOU A CAR.
294
00:14:36,058 --> 00:14:38,003
NOW YOU'RE BRIBING ME?
295
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:40,056
I TOLD YOU A MILLION
TIMES TO STUDY.
296
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,000
HEY, I THOUGHT I
SAID NO TALKING.
297
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:52,335
DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?
298
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,003
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU
WERE OUT DOING LAUNDRY.
299
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,988
YEAH. ALL THE MACHINES
ARE FULL. IT SUCKS.
300
00:14:56,012 --> 00:14:58,346
I'M JUST GONNA GO
COMMANDO FOR A WHILE.
301
00:14:59,783 --> 00:15:01,610
WHAT'S WITH THE DEER
IN THE HEADLIGHTS?
302
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,762
OH, YOU GOT A CHICK
HERE, DUDE? SCORE!
303
00:15:03,786 --> 00:15:06,065
ERIC, YOUR
BATHROOM IS DISGUST...
304
00:15:06,089 --> 00:15:08,133
FLAG ON THE PLAY!
305
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:11,153
C.J.! I CAME BY
BECAUSE I MISSED YOU.
306
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:13,205
LIE ONE! YOU CAME BY TO SEE HIM.
307
00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:14,590
AND DUDE, I TOLD
YOU TO STAY AWAY.
308
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,392
YEAH, WELL YOU ALSO SAID
YOU WERE DOING LAUNDRY,
309
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,598
SO WHO'S THE LIAR NOW?
310
00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:20,863
DON'T TELL MY MOM,
PLEASE. SHE'LL KILL ME.
311
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:23,248
OF COURSE I'M NOT! WE GOTTA
GET YOU OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW.
312
00:15:23,272 --> 00:15:25,817
C.J., IT'S AUNT CATE.
313
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,919
- BATHROOM.
- BUT IT'S GROSS!
314
00:15:27,943 --> 00:15:29,210
HIDE! YOU TOO.
315
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,161
- HEY, AUNT CATE.
- HEY.
316
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,345
DID YOU DO SOMETHING TO
YOUR HAIR? IT LOOKS GREAT.
317
00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:39,815
LOOK, C.J., I JUST
WANTED TO, UH...
318
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:43,752
I MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE HARD ON
YOU, AND IT JUST GOT ME TO THINKING...
319
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,088
YOU KNOW WHAT? APOLOGY
ACCEPTED. I'LL WALK YOU OUT.
320
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,524
NO, I WASN'T NECESSARILY
GOING TO APOLOGIZE.
321
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:52,595
YOU SEE, I'M A SINGLE MOM NOW...
322
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:56,115
AND YOU SHOULD BE OUT THERE
CIRCULATING. I'LL WALK YOU OUT.
323
00:15:56,139 --> 00:15:58,400
AND BECAUSE I'M A SINGLE MOM,
324
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,386
I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET.
325
00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:02,405
I NEED YOU TO BE ON MY SIDE
326
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,322
AND TELL ME WHEN MY
KIDS ARE LYING TO ME.
327
00:16:04,346 --> 00:16:06,776
YOU MEAN RAT 'EM OUT?
328
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,178
COME ON, I'M, LIKE, THEIR
COOL OLDER COUSIN.
329
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,385
UH, NO YOU'RE NOT.
330
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:16,936
I JUST CAN'T HAVE YOU HELPING
BRIDGET TO SNEAK AROUND.
331
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,805
I'M KIND OF COOL. I MEAN,
I'M NOT LIKE BIG STEVE,
332
00:16:19,829 --> 00:16:22,246
BUT WHEN I GOT THE HAT
CROOKED, IT ACTUALLY WORKS.
333
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:26,111
LOOK. BRIDGET IS 17 GOING ON 25.
334
00:16:26,135 --> 00:16:28,447
AND SHE IS BOUND TO
GET INTO SOME TROUBLE.
335
00:16:28,471 --> 00:16:30,203
YOU COULD BE RESPONSIBLE.
336
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:35,337
OKAY, SO LET'S SAY
337
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:38,908
SHE WAS HERE IN THE BATHROOM
WITH A GUY OR SOMETHING.
338
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:40,359
THAT'S SOMETHING
YOU'D WANT TO KNOW?
339
00:16:40,383 --> 00:16:43,712
OH, YEAH. THAT IS EXACTLY THE
KIND OF THING YOU SHOULD TELL ME.
340
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:46,454
IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.
341
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,219
WHAT?
342
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:53,372
BRIDGET, GET OUT
HERE THIS SECOND...
343
00:16:53,396 --> 00:16:55,807
- BRIDGET!
- MOM, YOU SHOULD HAVE
BANISHED C.J.
344
00:16:55,831 --> 00:16:56,975
HE'S A TERRIBLE INFLUENCE.
345
00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:58,677
WHEN I GOT HOME SHE
WAS ALREADY HERE.
346
00:16:58,701 --> 00:17:01,669
- YOU ARE SO UNCOOL.
- I'M KIND OF COOL.
347
00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:05,217
WE WERE JUST CLEANING.
348
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:09,221
BRIDGET, WHAT IS A 17-YEAR-OLD
GIRL DOING IN A COLLEGE BOY'S ROOM?
349
00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:11,746
17? WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.
350
00:17:13,416 --> 00:17:15,394
YEAH, MOM, IS THERE A RULE
AGAINST ME SEEING FRIENDS?
351
00:17:15,418 --> 00:17:17,463
ERIC IS A VERY NICE
GUY AND VERY SMART.
352
00:17:17,487 --> 00:17:19,482
TELL HER ABOUT THE
TOILETS IN AUSTRALIA.
353
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:23,323
YEAH, WHEN YOU FLUSH, THE
WATER SWIRLS THE OTHER WAY.
354
00:17:26,028 --> 00:17:29,291
FOR THAT?
355
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:31,610
IF I MAY? THIS WILL GO OVER BIG.
356
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,879
SO ERIC, YOU GUYS ARE
BUDDIES. THAT'S AWESOME.
357
00:17:33,903 --> 00:17:37,371
CAN YOU TELL US THREE
THINGS BRIDGET'S INTERESTED IN?
358
00:17:39,008 --> 00:17:40,208
BESIDES HERSELF.
359
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:46,875
YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T NAME ONE THING
AFTER ALL OUR PHONE CONVERSATIONS?
360
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,678
HOW CAN I BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT
COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, YOU JERK?
361
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:53,382
AND YOU PROBABLY LIED ABOUT
THE MAGIC TOILETS IN AUSTRALIA.
362
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,117
BRIDGET, GO HOME.
363
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:57,102
WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS LATER.
364
00:17:57,126 --> 00:17:59,655
ALL RIGHT. PROBLEM SOLVED?
365
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:02,791
- THANKS, C.J.
- THANKS, C.J.
366
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:06,995
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL.
- I'M KIND OF COOL, DAMN IT!
367
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,982
WHATEVER. I LET YOU CRASH HERE.
NOW PACK UP YOUR CRAP AND GET OUT.
368
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:13,151
- FINE. I'M MOVING BACK
IN WITH AUNT CATE.
- OH, NO NO NO NO.
369
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,453
I'M GONNA GET MY STUFF
AND GET OUT OF HERE.
370
00:18:15,477 --> 00:18:19,023
OH, NO, UH... I'LL
SEND FOR IT. LET'S GO!
371
00:18:21,083 --> 00:18:23,462
I PROMISE THIS
WILL BE TEMPORARY.
372
00:18:23,486 --> 00:18:25,430
I'LL GET ON THE APARTMENT
WAITING LIST TOMORROW.
373
00:18:25,454 --> 00:18:28,655
HOW LONG IS TEMPORARY? A DAY?
374
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,225
TWO?
375
00:18:32,495 --> 00:18:34,415
LONGER?
376
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:37,826
YES! YOU'RE BACK! IT'S GO TIME.
377
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,229
I'M GONNA SMOKE YOU, DUDE.
378
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:43,448
WAIT. DID YOU CLEAN YOUR ROOM?
379
00:18:43,472 --> 00:18:45,016
NO.
380
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,841
UPSTAIRS.
381
00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:51,573
CLEAN BEHIND YOUR EARS
AND SAY SOME PRAYERS.
382
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:54,843
PLEASE, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE SICKENING ABOUT IT.
383
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:58,013
HEY MOM, DON'T
GROUND ME, PLEASE.
384
00:18:58,037 --> 00:18:59,348
I'M NOT.
385
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:01,333
OH WOW, IT WORKED.
386
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:02,835
MOM, GIVE ME $20, PLEASE.
387
00:19:02,859 --> 00:19:05,371
TOMORROW YOU'RE
GONNA HELP ME GARDEN
388
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,005
AND CLEAN THE RAIN GUTTERS.
389
00:19:07,029 --> 00:19:08,858
WHAT ABOUT MY NAILS?
390
00:19:08,882 --> 00:19:11,409
YEAH, YOU MIGHT WANT
TO CUT THOSE BACK.
391
00:19:11,433 --> 00:19:13,695
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
392
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:16,598
HEY, I JUST REALIZED
WHAT C.J. STANDS FOR:
393
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,722
BENEDICT ARNOLD.
394
00:19:22,979 --> 00:19:26,096
THAT ONE REALLY HURT,
IF IT MADE SENSE AT ALL.
395
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:30,345
BRIDGET, YOU MUST BELIEVE ME.
396
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:33,632
I KNOW IT'S HARD BUT I DID WHAT I DID
BECAUSE I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.
397
00:19:33,656 --> 00:19:35,634
C.J.
398
00:19:35,658 --> 00:19:37,869
BRIDGET, NAILS.
399
00:19:37,893 --> 00:19:39,321
NAILS, BRIDGET.
400
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,423
GET UPSTAIRS!
YOU'RE NAILED! HA HA!
401
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:42,713
CUT 'EM DOWN!
402
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,018
SEE? I'M MORE ADULT ALREADY.
403
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,867
YOU SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN
404
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:53,869
ABOUT NEEDING ALL
THE HELP I CAN GET.
405
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:58,791
THIS IS JUST REALLY REALLY HARD.
406
00:19:58,815 --> 00:20:02,577
MY DAUGHTER JUST ENDED UP
AT SOME COLLEGE WITH A GUY
407
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:04,279
AND I WAS CLUELESS.
408
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,966
WHAT KIND OF PARENT IS THAT?
409
00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:08,951
WELL, IF IT MATTERS,
410
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,919
I HAD TWO PARENTS GROWING UP
411
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:14,489
AND YOU COULD RUN CIRCLES AROUND
BOTH OF THEM ON YOUR WORST DAY.
412
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:15,863
YOU'RE A GREAT MOM.
413
00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:19,533
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
414
00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:23,032
BUT YOU'RE ONLY GONNA
GET IT OUT OF ME ONCE.
415
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,989
I'M GONNA GO GET SETTLED.
416
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:30,789
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS,
NEW DRIVER!
417
00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:32,129
I FAILED!
418
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,216
I PASSED.
419
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:41,033
WAIT. YOU FAILED AND YOU PASSED?
420
00:20:41,057 --> 00:20:42,400
I FAILED BECAUSE OF HIM!
421
00:20:42,424 --> 00:20:44,402
THE TEACHER BUSTED
ME FOR TALKING
422
00:20:44,426 --> 00:20:46,588
WHEN I WAS TELLING GRANDPA
TO STOP CHEATING OFF ME!
423
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,190
NOW I HAVE TO WAIT
TO TAKE THE TEST AGAIN!
424
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,463
WELL, YOU JUST HAVE
TO TRY HARDER THIS TIME.
425
00:20:52,101 --> 00:20:53,745
OH, AND I SUPPOSE YOU PASSED
426
00:20:53,769 --> 00:20:55,464
BECAUSE YOU'RE A
WORLD-CLASS DRIVER!
427
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,449
WELL, I GUESS THIS PROVES IT.
428
00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:58,984
YOU WANT TO SEE
WHAT ONE LOOKS LIKE?
429
00:21:01,711 --> 00:21:03,688
LOOK AT THAT GRIN ON YOUR FACE.
430
00:21:03,712 --> 00:21:04,823
YOU CHILD.
431
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:08,477
WELL, TRY TO WIPE IT OFF.
432
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:12,269
C.J.'S MOVING BACK IN
THE BASEMENT WITH YOU.
433
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,384
YOU'RE BLUFFING.
434
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,336
IS THAT GRAMPY I HEAR?
435
00:21:18,961 --> 00:21:21,990
ME AND YOU, BUDDY,
BACK IN THE BASEMENT!
436
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:25,266
ROOMIES! WE'RE GONNA
TELL STORIES, STAY UP LATE...
32379
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