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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,520 This programme contains some scenes of a sexual nature. 2 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:12,280 # Just a small-town girl 3 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:16,400 # Living in a lonely world 4 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,640 # She took the midnight train 5 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:23,520 # Going anywhere. # 6 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:26,760 Glen! Jill! 7 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:30,160 Hello! I can't believe it's you! 8 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,720 I know. 9 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,720 - You've come all this way to see me? - Yes. 10 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:39,640 We can square up for petrol later, Glen, OK? Otherwise it gets nasty. 11 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:40,800 Yeah. 12 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,480 So, how are you? 13 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,880 Er, oh, I'm not so good, Jill, to be honest. 14 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,920 They had to remove most of my guts 15 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:52,160 cos of the poison and...I can only really manage a Nice biscuit now. 16 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:55,080 - My memory's almost completely gone. - Oh, really? 17 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:57,720 Can't remember anything? Hardly anything. Oh-h! 18 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:01,040 - '- Cept that I know I love you, Jill. - And I love you, Glen! 19 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,120 Mwah! 20 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,320 - I've brought you some presents. Oh. - Oh, what's that? 21 00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:08,080 - Choccies. Oh, lovely. - Choccy-chocs, yeah. 22 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,560 Choccy-chocs, yeah. 23 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:11,600 Ooh, now, that... 24 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,760 I know this is a nice one. 25 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,120 It looks lovely. Mmm! 26 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,360 Oh...that's gorgeous. Mmm! 27 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:24,160 - That's really nice that, Glen. - It tastes delicious. 28 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:28,680 - It's really nice. Mmm. Oh... - Ooh! 29 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,760 Hair looks big, Glen. Was that the electric chock treatment? 30 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,920 Oh, no, no... That was a free perm. 31 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,800 It's start of the self-respect grooming programme they have here. 32 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,760 Unfortunately they did it when I was still in a coma so... 33 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:56,000 So...you made any friends? 34 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,360 Er, not really, no. Aw! 35 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,880 - Got to make a bit of effort, Glen. - I know. 36 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:06,040 What about that sort of hot-eyed chap keeps staring at you over there? 37 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,560 That's Sandy. 38 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,760 Tried to sodomise me in the showers, Jill. 39 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,000 Well, how was that? 40 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,960 Oh, it wasn't very pleasant. 41 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,240 I bent down to retrieve my Wash & Go and he... 42 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,560 came and went. 43 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,200 I just wanna start again. 44 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:33,440 I just wanna get away from all the name-calling... 45 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:34,680 all the cruelty. 46 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:37,440 Are people being very unkind? 47 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,040 It's worse for me than for you, being locked up in here. 48 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,680 Yes. 49 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:48,320 I just wanna move down here, Glen, so that I can be close to you. 50 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,360 Be by the sea. Eat fish. 51 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:55,040 And, you know, just look back over my terrible life. 52 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,000 Well... 53 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:01,200 how can you love muggins here when they say that I've killed people? 54 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,880 To be honest with you, Glen, it's given you a little bit of an edge. 55 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,360 Ooh! 56 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,360 Is there a chance of intercourse? 57 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,440 We'd have to be married, Glen. 58 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,560 I love you. I love you. 59 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,160 I'm so happy! 60 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,320 So am I! 61 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,640 Somebody's got to pop the question, Glen. 62 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,240 Who's that, then? 63 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:22,360 Well, you. 64 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,480 Oh, right. 65 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,320 Get down on one knee. 66 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,160 Will you, Jill, give me the very great honour 67 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:36,760 of making me the happiest Scotsman on the block in consenting to be Mrs Glen Bulb? 68 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,160 I will! 69 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,320 You may kiss the groom! 70 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,000 Do you mind if I don't, Glen? 71 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:51,800 - Maybe you could just press your titties against the glass? - It's been a long time, Jill. 72 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:55,360 I'd love to, Glen, but I want it to be really special. 73 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,720 I wanted to look at your downstairs region. 74 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:02,640 - Maybe I could put my cardi around myself like a wee tent and... - press my tinkle to the gap? 75 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,080 Sounds lovely! 76 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:11,960 UNZIPPING 77 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,040 Kiss me, Jill. 78 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,360 Oh... 79 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,280 'Next question. What is the name of David Beckham's wife? 80 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,800 'Is it A - Queen Victoria? 81 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,400 'Is it B - Victoria Beckham? 82 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,040 'Or C - Victoria Station?' 83 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,120 Victoria Station. 84 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:55,160 'Victoria Beckham. Victoria Beckham it is. Well done, Wendy. That's the right answer. 85 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,200 'And another question coming up. 86 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,560 'What is the capital of France?' 87 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,320 France. 88 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,520 'Is it A - Paris, 89 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:10,080 'B - Brussels, or C - Brittany?' 90 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,720 HE GROANS 91 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,960 'Paris. Paris is the right answer.' Thank you very much. 92 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,240 Geoff, we're very keen to marry. 93 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:29,480 - Glen and myself. - Um, we were actually meant to be getting married the night that, um... 94 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:33,160 Gordon the vicar come round. Yeah. 95 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,480 That's who Glen vegetable-ised. 96 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,800 He'd come round to announce the banns that night. Oh, I see. Yeah. 97 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,000 I was pushing for Showaddywaddy. 98 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,760 Yes. I know they still tour. 99 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:47,040 Oh? Yeah. I wanted to ask you about that now. What do you think... 100 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:51,840 motivated Glen, um, to go back to the house and also strangle Terry 101 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:54,120 after he'd poisoned Gordon? 102 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,760 Jealousy. Jealousy? 103 00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:00,480 I mean, I don't know if you've noticed, Geoff, 104 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:05,520 but I do tend to...elucidate quite a sexual response from men. 105 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:07,440 No, I hadn't noticed that. 106 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,320 I rarely wear pants, Geoff. 107 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,760 Is that due to an infection? 108 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,760 - Just gives me a sense of freedom. - Good. 109 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:20,240 I've got to say, you and Glen, you're - oof! - an odd couple. 110 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,080 - Thank you! - Not exactly two peas in a pod. 111 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:27,240 No, but sometimes you will get a pea and a carrot. Not in the same pod. 112 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:31,200 No, but next to each other in the vegetable patch. 113 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,440 Not that Glen's a vegetable. 114 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,160 Well, remains to be seen. 115 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,000 Love you! Love YOU! 116 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,720 Mwah! 117 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,200 I'm, er, sure that... Glen. 118 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,600 Glen. 119 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,760 Glen. 120 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,240 A-hem. 121 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,160 No, Glen. Glen. 122 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,520 Beg pardon. 123 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:07,880 Now, I-I'm sure you...you want to marry Glen because, of course, you love him. I do. 124 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,720 I mean, that's why I'm moving down here. Really, Jill? 125 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:14,440 Yeah. Oh, great! Well, now, I don't think there's any hurry to marry... 126 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:18,120 I think there is, Dr Pinder. I'd like to formalise things ASAP. 127 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:24,000 Say we weren't married, and Glen were to tragically die in a sudden circumstance. 128 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:29,360 That would leave me in the position of a poverty-riddled Scottish widow in a big black hood. 129 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,920 What makes you think that Glen's going to die? 130 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,680 Well, I mean, with these syndromes, Geoff, they... 131 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,400 they rarely live beyond their 30s, do they? 132 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,720 Physically, I'm much better. 133 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,840 Um, my legs have come back. 134 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,440 That's great. Yeah. 135 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:06,880 So, er...really, really enjoying my legs... 136 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,160 ..and, er, I think... 137 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:15,400 I think we're both very excited at making a new start 138 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,800 after our time at the Hobden Community. 139 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,880 OK. 140 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:28,120 So, er...where are we at... 141 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,800 sexually? 142 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:35,000 I...still prefer... cuddles and strokes. Mmm. 143 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,200 But not full pen... Not. No. No. 144 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:45,920 I don't know. Could... Could Don start with a little bit? Just... 145 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,440 pop in the tip? 146 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,040 He COULD, er... 147 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,920 I'd rather he didn't. 148 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:02,800 How about a...finger? Could you accommodate...? 149 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,080 We did try that. Er... 150 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,760 Don hadn't cut his nails. 151 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:16,720 I was learning the guitar. 152 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:26,320 # Oh, Jesus, look down on me 153 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:31,680 # Oh, drink me like a cup of tea 154 00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:38,200 # Oh, Jesus, don't turn on me 155 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:45,080 # Please wrap me in your blankie. # 156 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:52,600 Before we witness the marriage today between Glen Jacoby Bulb 157 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,440 and Jill Tina Tirelle... Tyrell. 158 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:59,840 Tyrell. Tyrell. Glen would like to say a few words about his faith. 159 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,080 About my faith. 160 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:07,440 Just something simple, Glen, about... 161 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,080 confessing your sins, casting out the blackness. The blackies? 162 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,160 The blackness. Oh. 163 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,160 May I? 164 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,840 Hello. 165 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,760 Um, my name's Glen Bulb. 166 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,840 and I'm a sinner. 167 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,360 Confess, Glen. Yeah, I will. 168 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,760 - I've done some terrible things. - Say what you did, Glen. 169 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:32,760 I killed the vicar and a man I didn't even know. 170 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:36,720 This man killed Gordon Fox, the vicar, 171 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,360 and Terry Tyrell, my husband. 172 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,880 - Jill's former husband. - I killed them. Sorry. 173 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,000 Killed them! Killed them. Killer! 174 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,600 But... He's a killer! 175 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,080 I'm here to... 176 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:52,040 Killer! I'm here to atone for my sins, everyone. 177 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:56,880 And since I came to Bethel Lodge, a miracle has happened because... 178 00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,440 the Lord God came into my room, 179 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:04,400 popped in to see me when I was with Chaplain Chip one night 180 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,920 and I felt a kind of wetness come over me, 181 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,120 which I took to be our Lord Jesus. 182 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,760 - I want to tell you... - to witness the fact that... 183 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,560 Jesus is my saviour. 184 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:18,200 I can feel his grace. 185 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,560 And this is him now, nibbling at my feet. 186 00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:24,480 I love him. He's my best friend. 187 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,440 Or my second-best friend. 188 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,200 There's a lady in red over there by the name of Jill Tina Tyrell. 189 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,360 Love Glen. 190 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,920 Love Jesus! 191 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,440 Love Jesus, love Glen. 192 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,640 ORGAN PLAYS 193 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:43,960 With this ring I thee wed. 194 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,880 I thee wed. 195 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,360 With my body, I thee worship. 196 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:58,160 - With my body, I thee worship. - Oh, Glen. 197 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,440 And all my worldly goods I thee endow 198 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,360 till death us do part. 199 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,880 You may...kiss the bride. 200 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,320 Um... 201 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:33,040 SLOW ELECTRO BEAT PLAYS 202 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,600 # You're Jill Tyrell My naughty little squirrel 203 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,520 # You remind me a bit of my Uncle Cyril 204 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:53,280 # I think you're pretty And I want your titties 205 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:57,080 # My heart goes boom And you make me dribble. # 206 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:10,160 OK, Jean, let's get this party started. 207 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:34,400 Lost a bit of weight, haven't you, Linda? Sorry, Jill. 208 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,920 You know why that is, don't you? Anorexia? No. Cos you slept with Terry. 209 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,440 Oh, yeah. They do say it's good exercise, don't they? 210 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:48,120 - No, the cancer, Linda. - You've obviously caught it. 211 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,360 Thank you. 212 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,680 I'm sorry about what happened, Jill. 213 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,840 With Terry. 214 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,200 We just fell in love. 215 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,840 He treated me special. 216 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,960 - Like I was someone special. - No, you're not, Linda. OK? 217 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,920 - He told me I was special. - Yeah. With due respect, Linda, 218 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,280 Terry would think a window was special. OK? 219 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:20,840 - A very low IQ, about 50. - It puts him on a par with a donkey. 220 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,720 What's mine, Jill? A sausage dog. 221 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,720 You know Terry hated sex, Linda. 222 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,960 He said he loved it with me. 223 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:39,560 He said he loved my body, loved kissing me and stroking my hair. 224 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,720 Both ends. 225 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,800 One day, he tied my 'gina hair in a bow 226 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,840 and let me love him down below. 227 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,240 You loved him down below? 228 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,480 Only his front bottom. 229 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,880 With your face? 230 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,160 He put his front bottom in my mouth. 231 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,840 And I put my front bottom in his mouth. 232 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:03,600 - He wasn't very big below. - I don't know, really. 233 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,280 Well, I've had a lot of experience, Linda. 234 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,760 With all due respect, you lost your cherry to a dog. 235 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,200 It was lovely. 236 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:19,920 Mary's been passed on several years back now. 237 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,840 Although I've had a couple of flings, 238 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:28,440 I still feel really shaky around the ladies. 239 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,480 This'll be your Parkinson's, Roy. 240 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,480 I don't have Parkinson's. 241 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:36,400 This is your Alzheimer's talking, Roy. 242 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,680 D'you know, sometimes, Sue... 243 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,720 ..given everything I've been through, 244 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:54,720 ..I feel like just moving away and starting again. 245 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,000 Well... 246 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,400 that's how I feel since Gordon... 247 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,520 He was my whole life. 248 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,200 How many of those have you had, Sue? 249 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,440 Two. 250 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,480 You're eating up your feelings, Sue. 251 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,760 Look for Jill. 252 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,400 Oh! 253 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,120 SHE BREATHES HEAVILY 254 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,360 Oh, that is nice, Sue. 255 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,400 It's a real comfort. 256 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,600 Thank you. 257 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,840 I really miss Gordon. 258 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,400 Still, what about you? 259 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:57,200 It's just a miracle that you didn't marry that monster. 260 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,360 Gordon? Glen. 261 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,960 Did you realise he was a killer? 262 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,760 Love's never perfect, Sue. 263 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:05,960 No. 264 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,240 I'll be honest, though, Sue. 265 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:14,240 There were days when I had a whiff I was living with the Yorkshire Ripper. 266 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,920 Really? Mm-hm. 267 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:20,320 - Not to say there weren't some... - lovely times as well. 268 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:26,440 I'm sure Mrs Sutcliffe had some super days out with Peter when he was having a break from raping. 269 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,320 HE BREATHES HEAVILY 270 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,200 Oh, bless him! 271 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,720 How does he wipe himself, Sue? 272 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:46,120 Well...I have a home help. 273 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,160 Is he having a sauna, Susan? 274 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,200 Um, no. D'you want a bit of pasty, Susan? No, thanks. 275 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,880 Gordon? Don't force him. 276 00:17:56,880 --> 00:18:00,320 Jill's not trying to get Cath and Don's address, Susan. Sorry? 277 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,160 It's the coma, Sue. 278 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,800 I want to know when she came over. 279 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,320 God, you look old, Sue. 280 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:14,120 If you weren't talking, I might try and bury you! 281 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:20,520 I know it was weepy widows' night tonight, Sue, OK? 282 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:26,520 But Linda and myself have brought our beauty kits, and I thought we could do you a bit of a spruce up. 283 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,400 Tell me what you fancy, please, from the beauty menu. 284 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,200 - Jill, I don't think so. - Anti-ageing, thank you. 285 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:37,240 OK, Sue, I can't do you a full lift tonight, OK? 286 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,440 But I could give you a Botox clean-up. I don't think... 287 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:46,240 Excuse me. Judy, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you facially. 288 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,600 I'm so sorry. 289 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:51,920 But Linda can do you a bit of a tidy-up down below. 290 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:56,400 - We've a range of styles available. - What did you fancy down there, Judy? 291 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,960 Nothing. Really? 292 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:03,520 How about the Hollywood? Gentlemen do seem to like the bald bun. 293 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:08,240 I don't look down there. No, but somebody might, a nosy mugger. 294 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:12,040 OK. I'll have a little peep, see what we're doing. 295 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:15,360 Let's get your pants down, Judy. 296 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,680 Oh, there we go. 297 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,360 Dear me. 298 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,880 It looks like you've been growing this one for years. 299 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,960 It's very matted, Judy. 300 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,720 Are you joining the Rastafarians? 301 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,440 I don't know. 302 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,920 We can try for the Dairylea, OK? 303 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:44,080 But as is, we are looking at quite a hefty boomerang. 304 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,280 Linda. 305 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:55,040 - Linda's wearing goggles. - You need to wear goggles 306 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:58,920 - because that laser's very dangerous. - If it were to slip, 307 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,360 she could blind you. 308 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,160 Under you go. 309 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,360 WHIRRING 310 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,240 Gotta be very careful... 311 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,160 Sue... 312 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,480 ..how much I inject of this... 313 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,560 ..cos it is poison. 314 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,000 GRUNTING > 315 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,200 Oh! Sorry, Sue. 316 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,640 Sue, do you know what? 317 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,480 I wish I knew Cath and Don's address. 318 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,640 Um, I don't think Cath's too keen to give addresses out. Mmm. 319 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,320 DRILLING 320 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:48,080 Just sit and wait for me, so you can let your Botox take its grip. OK. 321 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:57,000 She've only got a little patch there now, Jill, like a stamp. 322 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,880 Excuse me one tick-tock - little bit of a... 323 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,240 Jill! 324 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,720 I'm just on the toilet, Sue. 325 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,600 BEEPING 326 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,600 Jill? 327 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,280 - I don't feel well. - You look fine, Sue. Do I? 328 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,640 That's got Catherine's address on it, Jill. 329 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,400 Oh, yeah. 330 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,320 All right for some - Cornwall! 331 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,360 Must go to the loo - little bit bubbly. 332 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,920 I still feel... 333 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,560 a bit cross 334 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,760 with Jill 335 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,880 when I think back to what happened 336 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,640 between her and Don 337 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,080 in the bedroom. Kitchen. 338 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,000 OK. 339 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,520 I'm feeling some anger... 340 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,040 Sorry. ..from you 341 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,840 and whilst I respect that enragement... 342 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,960 ..let's not forget 343 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,600 Cath's part in Jill's tango. 344 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,680 Okey-dokey! 345 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,080 OK. Now, let's... 346 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,200 walk away from Cath's hurt... 347 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,560 ..and open up to Jill's wound. 348 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:59,880 Jill's gonna stay the night. She've got nowhere to go. 349 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:16,040 Right, if you're gonna stay the night, Jill, there's a couple of rules what you got to abide by. 350 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:21,800 Ground rules. Number ONE! Got to keep the door closed, the windows closed, the skylight closed. 351 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:26,680 - A bullet could come whizzing through. - Number two, if you use the microwave, 352 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,640 make sure you use microwave-safe containers. 353 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,480 - We haven't got a microwave. - Ouf, ouf! Bang! 354 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:36,760 - I'm straight in there. - You've left yourself wide open, face and chest wide open. 355 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:40,920 - Bang! - I could just grab your growler, twist it and slam onto your snatch. 356 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:46,640 You won't be having a belly full of bones for no-one. Try and get through that. You can't, can you? 357 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:50,880 - Taught myself - sweep on, sweep off. - I'm like Miyagi, me. 358 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,040 And relax! 359 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,200 Right, we can do this two ways, Jill- 360 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,480 one on one... 361 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,800 or armed combat. 362 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:06,720 If you're going to use armed combat, just bear in mind I've got this little baby up here- 363 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,600 a tranquilliser gun- 364 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,800 and I ain't afraid to use it. 365 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,760 You wanna drink, Jill? 366 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,360 Something to take the edge off? 367 00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,360 What have you got? 368 00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:31,360 Milk. 369 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,920 So you're staying tonight then, is it? 370 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,200 Yeah. 371 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:44,520 Cos me and Linda, we're a package, all right? 372 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,720 - We're getting married. - We save money. 373 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,760 We're a unit. I'm taken, I'm afraid. 374 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,080 Just your eyes. 375 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,720 What about them? It's like you're suggesting something. 376 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,680 You after a little floor show, are you, Dennis? 377 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:06,960 Something with me and Linda, cos that would be quite pricey, 378 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:10,400 but I know you've got a little stash. 379 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:16,320 I'd need to see the cash up front, Dennis. I'd like to see you! 380 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:21,200 You and Linda doing something dirty, really dirty, like kissing or something. 381 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:25,520 Or maybe you could bring her nipples up. Or two. She's got big nipples. 382 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,880 I don't know if you've seen them, but they're big. 383 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:32,000 You could coax them, make them really long. 384 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:36,960 I think it's about time you had a little play with Stewart, Jill. 385 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,240 If you don't mind, I'd like to film it. 386 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,480 He likes you, Jill. 387 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,600 He's all man, in't he? 388 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,400 He's all horse. 389 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:17,040 If he was a man, though, he'd be my kind of man, Dennis. 390 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,960 Brown. 391 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,600 Stay back! Do you know how to stroke a horse, Jill? 392 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,760 Firm. 393 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,600 That's it! 394 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,680 Long strokes! 395 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,120 Ouf! Left yourself wide open there, didn't you, Jill? 396 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,880 - Bang! I could've got in there! - In there! 397 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:42,960 All right, how about you have a little stroke of him and I film you. 398 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:47,360 Give him a little stroke. Just a little gentle one on his mane. 399 00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:49,520 Oh, that's nice! 400 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,600 The horse is liking that. 401 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,840 Whisper sweet nothings in his ear. 402 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,520 SHE WHISPERS 403 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,600 What'd you say? Nothing. 404 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,120 - Say something dirty. - Something spicy, Jill. 405 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,960 SHE WHISPERS What'd you say? 406 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,000 Hi, Stewart, how's you? 407 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:10,080 - Ooh, yeah! Come round here. - Part his fringe. Ever so slightly. 408 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,040 - Come here, and just part it gently. - Gently, gently. 409 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,200 That's it. 410 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:19,520 - Bounce his ears. Bounce his ears. - Gently. Very gently. 411 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,840 That's it, Jill. That's it. 412 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:25,320 Go in there and tell him off. Give him a telling off. Call him naughty. 413 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,800 Naughty. That's it. Stewart! 414 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:31,400 Tell him he's good. Say something nice. You look pretty, Stewart. 415 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:36,160 How about you...? How about you give him a...sugar cube? 416 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:38,880 Ah! 417 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:50,960 # When I'm tired and thinking cold 418 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:55,600 # I hide in my music, forget the day 419 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:59,840 # And dream of a girl I used to know 420 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:05,200 # I closed my eyes and she slipped away 421 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:17,440 # She slipped away 422 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:22,680 # Ah-hhh-hhh 423 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:43,640 # It's more than a feeling More than a feeling... # 424 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,760 Hello, Cath! Hello, Sandy! 425 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:49,520 Ah! 426 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,560 Ooh! 32071

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