All language subtitles for Gossip.Girl.S04E16.720p.HDTV.X264-MRSK EN

Gossip Girl here.
Your one and only source

into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

Perjury is a felony,

and Lily could be spending
a lot of time in jail

if say, I were to... tell everybody.

Lily and my date used to date,
but that was a long time ago.

I'll do whatever it takes
to stay in the company.

If Lily is an obstacle, I'll handle it.

Nothing is sacred to you.

That's not true.
You are sacred to me.

I've seen all I needed to see.

I suggested that you be promoted
to replace me. Congratulations.

Stefano's giving you a
trial run starting now.

We are not friends. Just because
we went to go see a movie...

Or... five together

does not mean that I'll
go out on a limb for you.

What about your family?
What if us being together

drives them all away?

I don't think it will, but that's a risk

I'm willing to take if you are.

And who am I?

That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.O.X.O.
Gossip Girl.

Mick, Keith, and their
questionably costumed cohorts

said, "you can't always
get what you want,"

but that doesn't mean

it's okay for anyone
else to have it either.

It's just toast.

But it's perfect.

It's the perfect amount of toasty.

Hey.

Hey.

Sorry if we kept you up last night.

We were playing Scrabble.

She fell asleep to avoid losing.

Since when do you enjoy scrabble?

Do you want some coffee?
I made it.

Be careful. She makes
it strong. She's giving

staten Island Correctional
a run for its money.

No, thanks. I'm actually
craving some Zibetto's.

You're gonna go all the
way to midtown for coffee?

Yeah, yeah, I have a meeting...
lunch... up there anyway.

So see you guys later.

I should get going, too.

I agreed to

so I could help plan
Eric's 18th birthday party.

And I can't show up
in yesterday's clothes.

Well, tell him I say
congratulations and to be

careful now that he's old
enough to be tried as an adult.

Actually, I was hoping maybe
you could come to the party

and tell him yourself.

I'm not going to your mother's, Serena.

I'm not eating her food
or drinking her wine

or smiling and pretending
that everything's okay.

I know. I don't forgive
her either. I just...

We'll hang out when you're done.

I wished for chills on my birthday,

but not thanks to the flu.

Well, looks like I'll
be ushering in adulthood

with warm tea and flat ginger ale.

Oh, we'll have to celebrate another time.

Oh, I need to get to this meeting.

Get some rest, okay?
And I'll call everyone

when I get home and
cancel the party.

How's the patient?

Do I need to change my
breakfast with Thurston?

No. He's gonna be fine. I
wish I could say the same

about this meeting.

Stay strong. I know you'll do great.

Okay, I try not to
meddle in Dorota's duties,

but don't you think you're
taking it a bit too far?

Marie Antoinette, Scarlett O'Hara...

I merely following the footsteps

or other powerful women who
did not have time to zip.

Or maybe you're just
delusional from lack of sleep.

Your light hasn't been off for nights.

Great leaders only need three hours.

Mine just happen to be nonconsecutive.

It's all part of my 2-year
plan. Every minute is allotted

for work, school, and
personal obligations.

Ow! That was my skin.

Studies say not enough
sleep make people psychotic.

Shouldn't you be brushing?

Are you sure your
workaholism has nothing to do

with Raina and Chuck and Valentine's day?

They broke up,

and I only have 30 seconds left
of "being a good friend" time,

so spill. Where were you last night?

At the loft, just sleeping.
It's hard to find the time

with Dan always there and you here,

and... you know, there's
been a lot of buildup.

A 3-year stint in the
big house... I'd say so.

Obviously, "good friend time" has expired.

B., please, at least consider a nap.

What are you doing?

Less reading, more grooming.

I'm the only one who can multitask.

Girls Inc. Has found its
new face in Raina Thorpe,

if only Chuck Bass could
get her to look at his again.

But New York's favorite bad
boy always gets what he wants,

and in this case,

we think that's the
girl who has everything.

I'm sure miss Raina does
not have personal dresser.

Yes, but she has a
company and a foundation

and maybe a second chance with Chuck.

Keep up, Dorota.

The time has come for
the dictator to delegate.

I'm moving up my time line.

Russell manipulated me

to make me look like a monster with Lily

so Raina would break up with me

and I'd lose my one
advocate within his company.

So you said more than a couple of times.

I have to get her back. I
need you to bump into her

while she's meeting your
mother about Girls Inc.,

then just distract her for a while.

I'm pretty sure a businesswoman like Raina

has plans for the day, and what
do I talk to her about anyway?

Me. I have faith in you, Nathaniel.

Your Archibald charm can
get me the opening I need.

Just change the sweater.

What's wrong with my sweater?

You called us here to Skype?

No, I called you into "W."

but apparently someone thought
that stood for "Waldorf."

It's fine. No time to waste on blame.

Oh, thank God.

One does not get promoted
without working 50-hour weeks,

nor does one graduate early

without doubling their course load.

There are philanthropic
positions to secure

as well as relations to nurture.

Yet with science so woefully
behind in cloning technology,

i can only be in one
place at a time. Dorota?

Jessica, art history essay exam.

We got the question in
advance. You will just

sit in front of the proctor
and take my dictation

over bluetooth. Penmanship counts.

Now, Penelope,

gifts for Eric's birthday

and my mother's new home in Aix.

And please do try to
approach my level of taste.

New minion?

My name is Emily.

She has no time to care.

The opera is naming their new board,

and I need to be on it,
which means that I need

to meet with Bryn Harold today.

I don't want to do gifts.

I'm sorry, but the time
allotted for this attraction

is now up.

Interns, step in.

Now since the new online
blog is molding minds,

I'll do that myself.

You will sort portfolios,
draft editorial captions,

and research back...

Are you talking to me?

Of course not. Where are my interns?

They put in for transfers.

Your management style
was a little aggressive.

One claims she has P.T.S.D.
And threatened a lawsuit.

Oh.

Good luck.

The last assistant who lost her interns

lost her job, too.

Not to worry. My new
intern is already here.

Thanks for coming.

I've requested a quiet table over there...

Oh, I'm not staying.

I only came to tell
you to stop calling me.

Lily, I know I said some terrible things,

but let me explain.

I've tolerated a lot from you
over the years, but nothing

could justify the humiliation
that you put me through

on Valentine's Day.

Russell Thorpe is setting me up.

I don't care Russell was
doing behind the scenes.

It's no excuse for the
things that you said to me.

I can't believe you're on his side.

This guy's trying to destroy our company.

Your company. You had me fired.
I'm done trying to protect

the Bass legacy. Russell
will make a marvelous owner.

What is it with this guy?

You still have feelings for him?

Please. I'm a married woman.

That didn't stop you from
cheating on my father.

I'm sure you'll do the same to Rufus.

Good-bye, Charles.

Hey.

I thought, since I no
longer have a party to plan,

I figured I could just come
make sure Eric was okay,

wish him happy birthday,

and then we could spend the
rest of the day doing whatever.

I heard "A Free Man Of Color" is great.

Matinee would get us out of the cold.

Or... my room at the
Waldorfs' is pretty cozy.

Maybe you don't even
have to go up to see Eric.

Oh, it'll just be a minute, I promise.

I mean, he's right there.

Don't even try

to tell me you're on an
emergency ibuprofen run.

I'm not sick.

The slap was a nice
touch... Oscar-worthy.

Yes, well, it was surprisingly satisfying.

Lily, once again, I'm sorry.

I feel like a fool for ever
believing Russell over you.

Well, let's just hope

it's not long before he's
the one feeling foolish.

Can't get no satisfaction.

Looks like that's up for debate.

I know that they were just trying to help,

but Dan and Nate
actually made things worse

when they went to see Damien's father.

How, exactly?

Damien's got his big coke shipment

coming in today from Europe.

It's arriving at the flower market

in the fertilizer packs
of a hundred pink tulips.

And since his dad has people
watching his every move,

he's making me be his drug mule.

What? Why would you do that?
What does he have on you?

On me, nothing.

But... he knows that mom
forged the affidavit about Ben.

You told him? Eric, you
know what would happen

if that ever comes out.

Mom could go to prison. I'm aware.

I stupidly thought that
Damien was my friend,

and I knew he would never
wanna clear your name.

You can't blame yourself.

But you can't do this drug deal.

How else am I supposed to
stop him from outing my mom?

I did this. I gotta fix
it. Great birthday, right?

Go upstairs and tell mom
that you're feeling better

and not to cancel your party.

We'll take care of this, I promise.

Thank you.

If we go to the police,

Damien will just tell them about my mom.

I-I should just get the flowers myself.

Serena, it's a drug deal.

Anyone who touches those
flowers can get arrested.

Yeah, and if no one does, my mom will.

You can't risk anyone else's
future to protect hers.

The right thing to do here is nothing.

Then the worst that happens
is Lily pays for what she did.

At least no one else will.

Ben, she's my mother.

Who created this whole
situation on her own.

I think we should take a
rain check on our afternoon.

Yeah.

Call me later?

This job offer won't last forever.

No way am I gonna work for you.

I came here to see if
you wanted to have lunch,

not sign up for indentured servitude.

Penelope, I see on "Gossip
Girl" that you're between

36th and 48th Street. That
is a tasteful gift-free zone.

Get back in the cab.

What do you mean you don't know
the price of the Prada clutch?

You are Prada. Let me
speak to Miuccia. Tell me.

For someone who is so determined
to remain a free person,

why are you still here?

Listen, I'm not gonna work
for you, but as a friend,

I am willing to help
out. All you have to do

is admit you need me.

What?

Never.

The last person I need is Dan Humphrey,

who shouldn't flatter himself
by thinking he's my friend.

Yes, I need immediate
delivery of four venti lattes

with extra shots.

None of which are for you.

Oh, good, I don't really like
refreshments with my theater.

Hey, Raina.

Nate.

I just finished having tea with your mom.

I would have stayed longer,

but I have to meet Ivanka at Trump Place.

You haven't seen my driver, have you?

You know what? The police probably got him

for double parking. It happens
all the time on this block.

I guess I should just catch a cab.

Yeah, if you have an hour.

Cab to Riverside will take
at least that long right now.

How is that possible? It's 15 blocks.

The best way to get anywhere
right now is through the park.

You mean... walk.

I'll escort you.

That way, you won't wander
off into sheep's meadow.

Come on. Trust me. It'll
be fast, and it's fun.

Okay, then. Escort away.

There aren't really sheep there, right?

No. Just a lot of grass.

The kids theme is perfect for the party.

Eric has always been
so serious and grown-up.

This will be his last grasp
at childhood. Thank you.

Nate's distracting Raina.

Now we have to get
Russell out of the office,

get access to his computer
before they change the password

The Captain gave me.

Well, Russell isn't
liquid enough to acquire

something as big as Bass
Industries on his own,

so he must have a backer, and if it's true

that it's more profitable to
keep Bass Industries intact,

then I'm sure that this investor

would appreciate if we told him this.

Let's hope we can find him
before he writes Thorpe a check.

I don't know how much longer
we can wait for Russell to call.

You could make the first
move, play the modern woman.

Look, you of all people
know that men like Russell

need the pursuit.

Maybe I simply just don't
have the allure that I used to.

No. The way he's playing this,
behind all the false claims,

there's a real agenda, and it's personal.

I have to think it's his feelings for you.

Russell, what a surprise.

No, it's a pleasant one, actually.

Well, yes, after everything
that's happened with Charles,

I was hoping you would call.

Oh, I'd love to meet you for a drink.

No, the Oak Bar is perfect.

See you soon.

Do you have Bryn Harold?
Well, then take off your shoes

and chase her down,
because I need that opera.

As a
front-of-book idea.

They're doing "Boris Godunov" this spring.

Who doesn't love tsars and cossacks?

Seems like a better concept for fall,

but I'll run it by the group.

You sure you're not ready
to admit you need my help?

Never! No, "never" isn't what
he transitioned Spain into.

It's modernism, and don't get
caught talking during a test.

When was the last time you slept?

Sleep is for the weak,
and speaking of which,

don't act like I don't
know why you're really here.

It's because you're avoiding
Ben and Serena at the loft.

No, I'm waiting for you to crack.

Stefano said to research the opera.

And what's the ETA.
On today's blog post?

Uh... uh... within the hour.

Blair, if you take on one
more thing, you're gonna break.

Blair, we need your help with a scheme.

She can't.

Oh. I can.

New paragraph.

The nude Maja' began Goya's separation

from religious iconography."

What are you doing here?

I'm leaving. This just went
from "Women On The Verge"

to "Saw II", I don't like Gore porn really.

Are you sure you can help
us? You seem pretty busy.

A takedown only takes two minutes.

Stefano Tonchi's office. Please hold.

Yes. You hold, too, Jessica.

Tell me the plot points.

Look at everyone...

Skating and kissing and...

Doing karate.

Oh, it's... It's Tai Chi.

I mean, don't they have parks in Chicago?

Mm-hmm, Grant Park. It's beautiful.

I think I saw a picture of myself there...

At the age of 3.

But... it may have been...
The White House lawn.

Guess that's what happens

when your mother walks
out before you can walk.

I'm sorry. I, uh, I had no idea.

My mom used to take me
skating here every winter.

I've never been.

What? You're from the home of The Hawks,

and you haven't been skating?

I watch from our box, not from the ice.

Oh. Oh, come on. I'll teach you.

What about my meeting?

Trust me. Your first
time in skates is worth

being a few minutes late, okay?

Look, go take a look. I'll get
the skates and be right there.

7 1/2.

All right, 7 1/2...

Penelope, I'm putting
someone else on gifts.

Return immediately for your
new and urgent flower mission.

All the details are on a purple
sticky note on my computer.

It's about time.

You texted me, like, two minutes ago.

I was downstairs getting a sandwich.

Now what's so urgent?

I wanted to tell you that...

You were right...

About that thing.

Oh, now which thing was that?

I, Blair Waldorf, need
Dan Humphrey's help.

As a friend and peer, not as an underling.

As... my friend and
peer, not my underling.

As my friend and peer, not an underling.

Culinary crisis in features.

Ted's got a lead on rare
white truffles in Tuscany.

We need you.

Okay, so all right, what
do you want me to do?

It's all on my desk. Just start.

Painting it black has
nothing on the trouble

one piece of purple paper can cause.

Hey, sorry again about,
uh, spilling the cider.

Ice skating was worth it,

plus I got to cancel my day
and continue my adventure

of things I've never done,

like... nothing at 2:00 in the afternoon.

What would you be doing if I wasn't here?

Probably just studying.

What subjects?

Well, I might be playing

a little "Black Ops" first, yeah.

Would you be doing this, too?

It does make me a better soldier.

Another thing I've never tried.

Seriously? That wasn't
peer pressure, by the way.

I just...

Will you light me up?

You know who gets
really, really good weed?

Chuck.

This really is a day of firsts.

To old friends and new beginnings.

Nothing would make me happier.

I hope you know I never meant

for you to become collateral damage

in this acquisition.

Oh, of course. I remember
how important it was for you

to keep your personal
life and business separate.

You always understood me.

Okay, have a good weekend.

You know, I still have a soft spot

for that bar at the Peninsula Hotel.

We did have some memorable moments.

I don't want to cross
any lines that you don't

want to cross, Lily. I'm only
happy if we can move forward,

even if it's just as friends.

Oh, maybe we could just
get one more glass of wine.

I never really knew

how you felt about me choosing Bart...

If I was important to
you or just... amusing.

You and Rufus seem to
have a good thing going.

Yes, well, that is just a show.

After we lost the first
Bass Industries buyer,

I couldn't risk

the rumors of more family trouble.

Look at what the Dodgers are
going through with the Mccourts.

Exactly, but luckily the
situation will be over

once your bid goes through.
Right now I'm just grateful

that Rufus doesn't come home very often.

Maybe husband number
six will be the charm.

Oh, I can't believe what time it is.

I have to get home to
Eric's 18th birthday party.

Thank you for such a lovely afternoon.

I hope it's not our last.

Me, too.

Please note which ones are the cossacks

and which ones will play
the tsars. Thank you.

Bryn Harold is friends with
Lily Humphrey. She'll be

at Eric's party tonight,
I have all the information.

Well done, new minion.
Make sure my resume is up to date.

She doesn't take applications, Blair.

She just invites people who impress her...

And aren't still in college.

Well, as you can probably tell,

I'm not a typical college student.

I'm a self-actualized,

mature-beyond-her-years-yet-
still-youthful-and-dewy

working woman. Bryn
Harold will be impressed.

Those aren't tulips.

Why would I buy your
mother and Eric tulips?

I left you a message.

I didn't get it.

I took you off of gift duty and put you

on purple sticky note.

What purple sticky note?

The one that I said I
left on my computer screen.

It was right here.

Oh.

Hey, is everything okay?

You have a visitor,
says her name is Vanessa.

Tell him I came to apologize,

and I'm happy to wait
here till he gets back.

She says that...

I heard, I heard. Tell her that
I got all of her texts and her

handwritten letters, and I
will be in touch when I'm ready.

He says... do I really have to say that?

Shouldn't you just talk to her yourself?

No, no, no, no, no. Giving
her the message myself

will defeat the entire
purpose of the message,

and I'm really busy right
now. I'm on the Upper East Side

delivering, like, a hundred tulips.

A hundred tulips. Got it.

Hey, is anyone waiting
for a tulip delivery?

Why on earth did you get them?

Uh, to help Blair.

These are purple.

Oh, and plant-y.

Why are you guys so interested in tulips?

Well, at least no one will get arrested.

Except mom when Damien finds
out we don't have his coke.

Okay, all right, will somebody tell me

what the hell's going on?

Poor E., only 18, and already
welcoming all the makings

of anyone's 19th nervous breakdown.

Blair, what were you thinking?

That I would arrive at this party

and be greeted appropriately.

I know you only admitted you needed me

so you could make me your drug mule.

That sticky note was meant for Penelope.

Frankly, with her attitude,

she could use some time behind bars.

So that's it?

There's no "I'm sorry I could
have gotten you arrested"?

Well, you're here. The party's lovely.

Everything obviously turned out fine.

Except that you sent Dan
to get the wrong flowers.

The tulips with the coke were pink.

And I... wrote that down.
This one's on you, Humphrey.

You wrote purple. Classic stroop effect.

Where you write or say a color

that you see instead of the one you mean.

You're not the only one who
knows his neurodysfunction.

Happy Birthday.

Yeah, right. Damien just called.
Turns out he pre-sold the coke

and is therefore on his
way to pick up the $100,000

he says I now owe him.

That's insane. Nobody has
that kind of money, do they?

Not on them, but we need it now,

or he's gonna out mom here tonight.

It's your 18th birthday,
which means the checkbook

to your Rhodes Trust Fund is somewhere

in that pile of presents.

Okay. All right. Let's get unwrapping.

I know you're thinking

that stroop is one of the
symptoms of chronic fatigue,

but I'm not even tired.

So it turns out Russell's financial backer

is a guy named Bradley Kidd from Atlanta.

He owns a lot of property
down South, nothing marquee.

Bass would be a huge move for him,

and something he's capable of making.

How do we convince him not to?

Because The Captain was right.

Thorpe ran a bunch of
financial scenarios for Kidd,

but nothing involved keeping
Bass Industries intact.

Would Kidd consider backing us instead?

That's why I invited him tonight,

to convince him it's
a better business move

or to get him to break
his deal with Russell.

Good spying.

Thank you.

I kind of like this double
agent thing you have going on.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

You gotta move in order to be better.

I'm trying.

Arm twist.

There you go. Okay, finally.

Finally, a sport I can beat you in.

Oh, come on. No. First of
all, this isn't even a sport.

Second of all, gloat all you want to.

Just please don't tell
anybody I danced to "Tik Tok."

I wouldn't call that dancing.

What? Hey, hey, at least
I'm a good loser, okay?

You threw your racket so
hard, you almost broke the tv

when I beat you at the tennis game.

This will make up for it.

Mmm. That's awesome.

Mm-hmm.

We need to call Ben & Jerry.

No, we should start our own company.

Yes.

Hmm. That was my dream when I was 5.

Don't tell my dad.

Mm, I won't.

This is really fun.

Hey.

Where have you been? I need you
to bring Raina to Eric's party.

Sorry, man. The music was really loud.

Music?

Never mind. Change of plan.

Keep her there until I call back.

Bye.

You know who loves ice cream?

Chuck... he loves it.

Nate...

I know what you've been
trying to do all day.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

Ugh! I hate professional gift wrapping.

What are you doing? Do you
realize how gauche it is

to open gifts at a party, before dessert?

I was just so excited
to have a new addition

to my stock portfolio.

Well, at least make a
list for thank-you notes.

I'm on hold with Victor
from the flower market.

You've already done enough by
getting me this, uh, salad bowl.

It's baccarat, and it's for my mother,

which means that your Larry Clark print

is on its way to her. Penelope.

Keep going. I'll be right back.

Yeah.

Great party.

Happy Birthday.

I'm guessing you're not here to celebrate.

I just saw Damien go up,

and I know you sent Dan to get the drugs.

The Dan part was a mistake,
but I did ask Blair to help.

I thought that you agreed that
no one else should get hurt

to protect your mother.

I'm not okay with what she did either,

but it doesn't mean
that I wanna destroy her.

Are you saying you choose Lily?

You chose for me by turning to ice

every time I mention her name.

I'm sorry. I have to
go help my brother now.

Bryn, I am so glad you could come.

Rufus and I are really
enjoying the season so far.

Thanks. You'll excuse me.

Mrs. Harold, hi.

Oh, yes. I'm Blair Waldorf.

Hi. What a pleasure to meet you.

Russell, what a surprise. Uh...

What are you doing here?

Well, I figured he only turns 18 once.

Well, I don't think it's a
good idea for you to stay.

Rufus decided to make an appearance.

I promise I won't draw attention.

I'm just a business associate,

an old family friend
stopping by with a gift.

Well, I suppose I can't argue with that.

You do look exceptionally lovely.

Lily, what the hell is going on?

Nice to see you again, Rufus.

You think I'm a fool? I know
what went on between you two,

and looks like it's still going.

Please, this is not the time.

You're the one who invited him
to Eric's 18th birthday party.

Actually, I was just leaving.

No, you know, some men know
how to behave appropriately

at social events.

Ahem. Russell, I'm so
sorry. I'll call you later.

You know, you're not so bad

at that double agent thing yourself.

Think he bought it?

With my "W." blog, I'm
imprinting proper etiquette

and fashion sense as well
as my philanthropic mandate

on a whole new generation
much like you did.

You do realize you're
wearing two different shoes?

By the way, um, have you seen Chuck Bass?

I heard he's dating Raina Thorpe,

and I'd love an introduction.

No, I haven't seen either of them.

Brad, what are you doing here?

Russell, didn't expect to see you.

Looking for me. Mr. Kidd.

Chuck Bass.

Thanks for coming.

I think I'll stay, too.

Uh, that's Dalgaard...
Two "a's" after the "g."

Why are you doing this?

Angry cokeheads... My father cut me off.

I have to pay them back somehow.

Make sure you don't leave
out any of those zeroes.

Fine, but then that's the end of it.

$100,000?

Eric, what is the meaning of this?

I hear a storm is threatening
someone's very life today.

Let's hope they find some shelter

and it's not behind bars.



$100,000 worth of drugs?

You promised you were
done with all of this.

Mom, it's... it's not what it looks like.

Seems like you Van Der Woodsen/Humphreys

have a lot of discussing to do,

so I'm gonna go get a cocktail,
maybe some Mac and Cheese.

You know your options.

Let me guess.

You and Lily are all made up,

and she and Rufus are
quite happily married.

I don't meddle in my stepmother's affairs,

or in your case, a lack thereof.

Chuck here is just
trying to manipulate you

to pull your backing. The
only manipulation is yours.

You don't want anyone to know
it doesn't make financial sense

to rip Bass Industries apart.

You're just upset because
you lost your daddy's company.

We understand.

It's very sad. But it's
time to get over it.

Brad, I'm sorry he dragged you into this.

Let me buy you a real dinner.

I think I'll stay and
hear young Mr. Bass out.

The only thing I hate
more than being lied to

is being cheated.

You're making a mistake.

What are you doing here?

This is Serena's brother's birthday party.

It's not okay for you
to just show up here.

All I wanna do is apologize
for the part I played

in what happened to her. I had
no idea that was Juliet's plan,

and you know me, Dan.
I would never be okay

with things going that far.

Yeah, that's what my sister said
before she did the right thing

and came clean. You, on the other hand,

pointed a finger at her and left town.

Wow. I guess... I can never come back,

not even with you.

I'm not gonna chase after you, Vanessa.

And I wouldn't stop for you if you did.

Juliet's right, what she said.

I'm an outsider around
here and always will be.

I'm relieved you're not going to overdose,

but you should have come to me with this.

I just... I-I didn't wanna worry you.

I wanted to fix my mistake.

The only mistake was mine...

When I forged Serena's signature.

Wow. That's the first time
you've admitted it was wrong.

Well, it seemed right at the time,

but I know it wasn't.
And as much I appreciate

you both trying to protect
me, I can't allow anyone else

to pay for what I did.

Hey.

Can't a person have some
privacy to make a phone call?

Where's your phone? Look,
Blair, I just wanted to tell you

that you were right. I
was only hanging out at "W."

to avoid being at the
loft with Ben and Serena.

That's your big revelation?
I think you've actually gotten

less smart since high school, Humphrey.

Oh, right. You go to N.Y.U.

Well, I'm smart enough to see
that your race to greatness

has, uh, come down to a
competition with Raina.

That's ridiculous.
She's from the midwest.

You're the one wearing
two different shoes.

Because of Dorota.
My problem isn't emotional.

It's administrative.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have
delegation disasters to fix.

Penelope sent me for the bowl,
and Jessica said to tell you

you got an "F" on your essay.

I guess she showed up at
Professor Trudeau's class and...

Trudeau teaches history, not art history.

Yeah. She figured that out... after.

I really loved your blog, though.

The blog? What?

I-I completely forgot.

Well, all that stuff about

servants being like belts and purses

and overpriced and interchangeable...

It was really funny... Or... mean.

Wait. Was there something

about admitting you
need help from friends?

"Friends are the fashion fundamentals."

See? You did write it.

Well, of course. Who else could
turn minions into a metaphor?

Bye.

Well, well, well, if it's
not my favorite ex-con

to run into in dark alleys.

If you ever use that
information about Lily,

I'll have you killed.

It's a tad melodramatic, don't you think?

Well, that's up for you to decide

while you're walking around,
wondering if that guy behind you

is the ex-con I got to do the job.

Those guys I had beat up Howard Archibald

only stopped after ten minutes

because I told them to.

It takes a hell of a lot
less time to kill a man.

I always knew you read too
much Shakespeare to be sane.

Bygones.

Turns out what Ben did while doing time

wasn't on his side.

Now Vanessa has him under her thumb.

I appreciate you looking
this over so quickly.

I'll be in touch either way.

You still with Raina? I'm
ready for you to bring her over.

Dude, it's not happening.

What do you mean?

I'm sorry. She figured out
what I was up to, and she split.

All right, I mean, you
should just move on.

You can get any girl in New
York, not to mention Europe,

Australia, and several parts of Asia.

I appreciate your efforts, Nathaniel.

No worries, man.

You sure you don't wanna
give him one more chance?

I told you I've dated guys
like Chuck my whole life.

I think I'm done with business in bed

and portfolio pillow talk.

I want my day of firsts with you.

Then what else have you never done?

Well, Happy Birthday.

Fork, please.

No Raina?

Not tonight. At least I got to
see the look on Russell's face

when you accused him
of sleeping with Lily.

I know. Rufus did play the
jealous husband brilliantly.

Mm, so sad I missed all of this.

And did anyone else see Vanessa,
or am I having ether flashbacks?

It's probably the latter,
although I did notice

Blair wearing two different shoes.

Hmm.

And Ben.

He came, but then he turned
right around and left.

Are you so sure about that?

Sorry to interrupt.

Damien won't be bothering you anymore.

I made it clear that I wouldn't cooperate.

Thank you, Benjamin.

I can't believe you did that for her.

I didn't. I did it for you.

I don't want anything to stand
in the way of us moving forward.

Me either.

Maybe we should stay and eat some cake.

Not yet.

Forgiveness isn't gonna
happen overnight, Serena.

I know. What matters is
that you made the first step.

Your "friends as fashion" metaphor...

Was well executed but did not save my job.

You got fired?

Slash quit. Donna said they'd
been watching me for a while,

hoping for the best, but let's face it.

I'm imploding. At least you
got your name in the blog.

I'm sorry, Blair.

I thought that if I
could be the Blair Waldorf

that I want to be a little sooner,

that maybe I could return to Chuck

before he fell for someone else.

Well, you do know Raina broke up with him.

Yes, in my head,

but in my heart I feel
further away than ever.

I mean, tonight he's thinking
about a different girl,

and meanwhile, I lost
my job, I failed a test,

I almost got my best
friend's mother arrested.

And... I'm in Brooklyn talking about it

to... Dan Humphrey.

Uh, well, I'm about to order some pizza...

If you wanna stay.

I think someone "Freaky Friday'ed" me,

and this can't possibly be my life.

Well, it is. What do you want?

Gourmet, I suppose.

Burning the midnight oil, trying to put

the Bass Industries deal back together?

I'm sorry. Have we met?

Damien Dalgaard, fellow victim

of the Bass/Van Der Woodsen Humphrey clan.

If you have $100,000 and
promise to keep a secret,

I have a little information
you might find useful.

When you do finally get what you want,

the problem is

there's always someone
who's trying to take it away.

Blair's light's off.

I noticed.

And all that wanting
makes us blind to the fact

that things aren't exactly
what we think they are.

You're the worst kind there
is... an intellectual snob.

Maybe it's better sometimes

to just get what you need.

X.O.X.O. Gossip Girl.

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