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♪ frozen in a time and space divide ♪
2
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:19,715
♪ but how would the universe survive ♪
3
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:27,390
♪ duck dodgers of the 24th and 1/2 century ♪
4
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:37,333
♪ protecting the powerless and the weak ♪
5
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:44,173
♪ duck dodgers is fighting tyranny ♪
6
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♪ in the 24th and 1/2 century ♪
7
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- so, how many millions
Of my adoring fans visited
8
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:22,116
My fan site today?
9
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:25,786
Hmm. The counter's
Still broken.
10
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:27,154
Ooh, a pop-up ad.
11
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,957
Boy, these babies make it
All worthwhile.
12
00:01:30,024 --> 00:01:32,460
Am interested in winning
A lifetime supply of garbage
13
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:35,796
From my friends at
Trash thrash garbage compactors?
14
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,531
You bet I am!
15
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,833
- c-captain dodgers, stop!
16
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Online contests are all scams.
17
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,271
You sign up
To win a space cruise,
18
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,005
And the next thing
You know, you're enlisted,
19
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Working a dead-end military job
In space for no pay.
20
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,845
I mean, that's what I hear.
21
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,514
- you know what
Your problem is, cadet?
22
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:56,683
- that I surround myself with
People who don't appreciate me?
23
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- no, you are afraid
Of competion.
24
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Not me. I thrive on it.
25
00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:04,825
When it comes to contests,
I'm dog eat dog.
26
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:08,028
How else could we have won
All that diet dog food?
27
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,530
- yeah, but we don't have
A fat d-d...
28
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:11,565
We don't have a dog.
29
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,234
- it's not about the prize.
30
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:16,137
It's about winning.
Winning is all that matters!
31
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:20,241
Actually, that's not true.
The prize is just as important.
32
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:22,509
- just because I don't like
Opposing others in contests
33
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,678
Of skill and chance doesn't mean
34
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:27,380
I'm not
A competi...Competi...
35
00:02:27,447 --> 00:02:30,284
Never mind.
36
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:34,021
- van chancy's mega mystery
Grand prize sweepstakes.
37
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:37,324
A chance to win an unknown prize
I may not even want?
38
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:39,126
Count me in!
39
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:44,143
Hey, I must be
An instant winner!
40
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:50,137
- single, handsome man
Of science seeks romance.
41
00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:53,073
Should enjoy quantum mechanics,
Nuclear fusion,
42
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:55,943
Flying kites,
And rubber gloves.
43
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:58,612
Well, that should
Bring them running.
44
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,949
Mystery grand prize sweepstakes.
45
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:06,966
Well, I am feeling
Kind of lucky.
46
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:12,126
- hm, authentic martian queen
Personal possessions.
47
00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:14,995
Wait! How did they get
My toothbrush?
48
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:18,365
And why isn't anyone
Bidding on it?
49
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:19,499
Sweepstakes.
50
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:21,435
Well, I'm already rich,
51
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,404
So I'm a lock to win.
52
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,107
- dear mother,
53
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:28,075
I know you ask me
Not to write to you so much,
54
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:30,878
But it's been hours
Since I heard from you last,
55
00:03:30,945 --> 00:03:34,414
And I'm starting to worry.
56
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:37,218
Is that you, mother?
57
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,453
- he writes to his mother
Constantly.
58
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:41,919
It's disturbing.
59
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:52,995
- hmm! I'll show him
Who's afraid.
60
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:04,457
- look, cadet.
I think I won.
61
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,252
- hello, and welcome
To another edition
62
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:14,488
Of the galaxy's
Number-one game show,
63
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Van chancy's "Not a chance!"
64
00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:19,593
I'm your host, van chancy!
65
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,129
- wow! It's van chancy.
66
00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:24,564
I've never heard of this guy.
67
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:27,367
- so, we're on a tv show?
68
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,036
- that depends.
69
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:31,405
Do you need cameras
To make a tv show?
70
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:34,908
- your highness, my sensors
Indicate no cameras are present.
71
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:38,179
- yes, I know.
Try to keep up, guys.
72
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:41,415
- today, bitter rivals from mars
And earth will face off
73
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:46,482
For a chance to win
The mega mystery grand prize!
74
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,289
It could be anything...
75
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,191
A year's worth
Of plastic dog vomit
76
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:55,095
Or an octrillion dollars
In astrocash!
77
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:58,398
- dog vomit. Oh, please,
Let it be the dog vomit!
78
00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,733
- ha ha ha ha ha!
79
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,237
Let's meet our contestants.
80
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:05,005
What's your name,
Sweetheart?
81
00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:07,474
- I am the queen of mars.
82
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:08,709
I demand...
83
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,545
- mmm.
84
00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:13,080
- how dare you!
85
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:14,882
- let's meet the other team!
86
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:18,385
And what's your na...Hey, hey!
- mmm.
87
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:19,319
- aah!
88
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:20,454
Ok, great.
89
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:23,757
And we'll be right back
After these commercials.
90
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,326
One more stunt like that
91
00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:28,062
And you are all going home
In an envelope!
92
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:32,166
This is my show!
Got it? My show!
93
00:05:32,233 --> 00:05:34,301
Do you think
I like doing this?
94
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:38,439
Do you think I enjoy
Taking people captive
95
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:42,710
And endangering their lives
For cheap thrills and ratings?
96
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:47,514
Do you think I want to let
This cyclops saute and eat you?
97
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,982
- yes, across the board?
98
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:52,286
- correct. That's what
Makes me van chancy...
99
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:57,353
Bed-wetter and host of the
Universe's number-one game show.
100
00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:01,895
- welcome back. The challenges
Awaiting our contestants today
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00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:05,032
Are so terrifying,
Even I'm shaking.
102
00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,567
Will any of them survive?
103
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- not a chance!
104
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,606
- so, let's start the carnage!
105
00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:15,575
- it's about time.
106
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:16,977
- our first challenge is
107
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,079
The raging rapids
River race of ruin.
108
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,081
The team that eludes
The magnetic mines,
109
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,483
Makes it through the rapids,
110
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:25,719
Over the waterfalls,
And across the finish line first
111
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,821
Without drowning or exploding
112
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Wins 10 points.
113
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,625
- ha, you call that a challenge?
114
00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:34,728
- oh, I'm a good kayaker.
115
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:37,064
- is that all, folks?
116
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:39,681
Not...A...Chance!
117
00:06:48,309 --> 00:06:50,777
- you're in the lead... What's
Going through
118
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,314
Your head right now?
119
00:06:53,381 --> 00:06:57,351
- actually, van, right now
I'm thinking about...
120
00:06:57,418 --> 00:07:02,068
Butterflies.
They creep me out.
121
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,859
Help! Butterflies!
122
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,576
Help! Help!
123
00:07:17,238 --> 00:07:18,506
- you just exploded.
124
00:07:18,573 --> 00:07:20,207
What's going through
Your head right now?
125
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:23,210
- get it off! Get it off!
Get it off!
126
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:26,127
- we have a winner!
127
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,419
- good game, contestants.
128
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,487
10 points to team earth
For winning,
129
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:36,056
One point for both teams for
Not being slaughtered or eaten,
130
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,259
And 12 points for me
For being fascinating.
131
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:43,325
We'll return
After these thieving lies.
132
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:46,267
You have 3 minutes to shape up
And go to the lavatory.
133
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,136
- eww! I can still feel
Its buttery wings
134
00:07:49,203 --> 00:07:51,338
All over my skin.
Eww!
135
00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:53,574
- cadet, if we survive
This insanity,
136
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,477
I'm having dodgers committed
For psychiatric evaluation.
137
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:59,380
- but, sir, without dodgers,
We wouldn't be winning.
138
00:07:59,447 --> 00:08:02,516
- good point. If we survive
This, I'm having dodgers cloned
139
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:05,620
And then committed for
Psychiatric evaluation.
140
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:08,556
- eating challenges,
We've all seen them, haven't we?
141
00:08:08,623 --> 00:08:12,627
Horse intestines, fish eyes,
Live walrus, fruit.
142
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,295
- blah!
- one of his buttons
143
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,230
Must open a portal out of here.
144
00:08:16,297 --> 00:08:19,333
If we push all his buttons
At once, we can escape.
145
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,269
- I think somebody already
Pushed all his buttons.
146
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:25,473
- and I think somebody's
Afraid of losing.
147
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:30,244
- no, dodgers, we're hostages.
Our lives are in jeopardy.
148
00:08:30,311 --> 00:08:32,612
- and you're losing.
149
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,815
- only by 10 points.
150
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:38,218
I'm a good eater.
151
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,754
But here's the one thing we
Haven't seen
152
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:43,556
Our contestants eat yet...
153
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:45,159
Themselves!
154
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,961
That's right.
The team that eats a helping
155
00:08:47,028 --> 00:08:49,697
Of one of its own team members
Wins 10 points.
156
00:08:49,764 --> 00:08:52,232
No mustard allowed.
Enjoy your meal!
157
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:57,137
Unless you are the meal!
158
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,806
- uh, captain,
W-what are you doing?
159
00:08:58,873 --> 00:09:00,608
- somebody has to take one
For the team.
160
00:09:00,675 --> 00:09:03,410
I figure it's you because
You have the lowest rank.
161
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,712
Plus, you're probably
Darned good eating.
162
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:06,913
Am I right, I.Q.?
163
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,549
- well, he does have a point.
164
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,384
- b-but please don't eat me!
165
00:09:10,451 --> 00:09:12,619
- now, are your legs
Light or dark meat?
166
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,488
- aah!
167
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:17,124
- as much as I've always
Wanted to be a cannibal,
168
00:09:17,191 --> 00:09:18,626
I'm still
A little iffy on this.
169
00:09:18,693 --> 00:09:22,696
- your highness, eat as much
Of me as you wish.
170
00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:23,897
It would be an honor.
171
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,399
- wait, your highness,
172
00:09:25,466 --> 00:09:28,369
I believe the answer is
Right under our noses.
173
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,937
- commander,
We don't have noses.
174
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,939
- precisely, my queen.
175
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,209
Uh, we're finished over here.
176
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,010
- already?
But what did you eat?
177
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,745
- our noses.
178
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:39,913
- and mouths.
179
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,548
- and legs.
180
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:42,750
- works for me!
181
00:09:42,817 --> 00:09:46,253
We'll be right back
After the shameless fraudulence.
182
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,655
- oh, now we're tied with them.
183
00:09:47,722 --> 00:09:50,324
- don't worry, chief.
We'll win the next one
184
00:09:50,391 --> 00:09:55,391
As long as it doesn't involve
Roller skates.
185
00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:02,470
- welcome to the presidential
Roller derby challenge!
186
00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:04,505
The first player to
Make it around the track alive
187
00:10:04,572 --> 00:10:06,574
Moves on to the final round
For delousing
188
00:10:06,641 --> 00:10:10,544
And a chance
At the mystery prize.
189
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,581
And you'll compete
Against them to survive.
190
00:10:13,648 --> 00:10:16,651
Cloned entirely
From fossilized dna,
191
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:20,688
You know them as the lesser
Known american presidents!
192
00:10:20,755 --> 00:10:23,791
Say hello to martin "Red fox
Of kinderhook" van buren,
193
00:10:23,858 --> 00:10:28,858
Grover "Uncle jumbo" cleveland,
William "Tippecanoe" harrison,
194
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:32,829
And john "Tyler ii" tyler!
195
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,903
- are you sure
They were presidents?
196
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,972
I've never heard of them.
197
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,907
- ready, set,
198
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,924
Roller derby!
199
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:51,018
- whoa! Whoa! Whoa...
200
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:55,884
- we have an undeserving winner!
201
00:10:56,490 --> 00:11:00,027
- captain dodgers,
This is the final round.
202
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,562
You must choose between:
203
00:11:01,629 --> 00:11:03,531
A...The lives of
Your fellow contestants
204
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:08,101
Or b...The mega mystery
Grand prize!
205
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,204
- oh, that's tough.
206
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:11,671
Wait. What were
The choices again?
207
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,707
- a! A! A!
208
00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:17,444
- a or b.
209
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,580
- "A" was the prize, right?
210
00:11:19,647 --> 00:11:21,816
- no. That's all the time
We have, folks!
211
00:11:21,883 --> 00:11:23,617
Tune in tomorrow
For more thrilling,
212
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:27,054
Treacherous, empty challenges
On another edition of...
213
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,789
- "Not a chance!"
214
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,806
- good night!
215
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:41,535
- well, that was
A big waste of time.
216
00:11:41,602 --> 00:11:43,671
I won it all,
And I got nothing.
217
00:11:43,738 --> 00:11:47,307
You know, maybe winning prizes
Isn't so great after all.
218
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,410
Maybe if I work hard
To earn things,
219
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,144
I'll appreciate them more.
220
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:55,711
Maybe...Why are you screaming?
221
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,554
- eh, "C-congratulations.
222
00:12:00,621 --> 00:12:03,056
"You've won the trash thrash
Garbage compactor
223
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,057
"Garbage giveaway.
224
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,059
Enjoy your garbage, chump."
225
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,595
- forget what I just said.
226
00:12:07,661 --> 00:12:10,130
Do you understand what
All this garbage makes us?
227
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:12,032
- eh, garbage men?
228
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:15,435
- no. Garbage winners!
16848
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