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1
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:10,678
* frozen in a time
And space divide *
2
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:20,020
* but how would
The universe survive? *
3
00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:25,526
* duck dodgers of the 24th
4
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:28,162
* and one-half century
5
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,768
* protecting the powerless
6
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,770
* and the weak
7
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,874
* duck dodgers
8
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:44,412
* he's fighting tyranny
9
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:53,354
* in the 24th
And one-half century *
10
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,812
It looks like your
Latest experiment
11
00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,080
Was a success,
Commander.
12
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:21,549
Yes, your majesty.
13
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,418
My time portal is
Working flawlessly,
14
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:28,222
And I've determined the pivotal
Event in duck dodgers' life.
15
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,824
It occurred while dodgers was
A football player
16
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,293
At big state university.
17
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:35,396
A championship victory
As his team's quarterback
18
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,499
Galvanized him into being
The dodgers we know today.
19
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:40,968
I will simply travel
Back in time,
20
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,670
Prevent this event
From occurring,
21
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:46,440
And duck dodgers will
Never trouble us again.
22
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:49,643
Are you sure dodgers
Won that championship?
23
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:51,212
Quite sure.
24
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,981
You were wrong
When you told me
That dodgers' mother
25
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:55,816
Invented
The post-it note.
26
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,818
Liquid paper.
Whatever!
27
00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,254
This time,
I can't be wrong!
28
00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:03,056
I guarantee that
Duck dodgers won that game!
29
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:05,259
You will see that I am correct.
30
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,827
Farewell, my queen.
31
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:11,832
Whoa!
32
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,868
By my calculations,
This should be the place.
33
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:15,936
Huh?
34
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,205
Arrrgh!
35
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,074
That's the way to stop him!
36
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:24,011
Grind the little squirt
Into the 50 yard line!
37
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,513
Dodgers?!
38
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,982
All right, men, the key
To victory is...
39
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,050
Water!
40
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,385
Water?
41
00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:33,787
Guys, remember to
Keep your insides
42
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,723
Wet and hydrated.
43
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:36,924
Marvin: um, excuse me,
44
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:40,194
But aren't you going to join
Your men out on the field?
45
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:42,530
No, my strange
Little friend.
46
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,399
My place is here,
On the sidelines.
47
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,735
But aren't you the quarterback?
48
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,136
Quarterback? Ha!
49
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,704
I'm the water boy!
50
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:53,807
I'm here at big state u.
On a water boy
Scholarship.
51
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,277
A water boy scholarship?
52
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:59,480
Oh, yeah! They put me
In charge of it all:
53
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,881
Bottled water,
Well water,
54
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,383
Water balloons,
Watermelon.
55
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,051
Is that it?
Water in the knee...
56
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:06,220
Done yet?
Um, there's one more.
57
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:08,021
My personal favorite:
58
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,157
Seltzer water!
59
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,326
Well, isn't that ordinary.
60
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,162
Ah, a water hater, huh?
61
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,897
So let me get this straight:
62
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:20,434
You have absolutely
No intention of becoming
The quarterback
63
00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:23,871
And leading your team
To victory in the
Championship game?
64
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,240
I'm already living
The dream, baby!
65
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:29,109
All right,
If you're quite sure.
66
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,744
I'll see you around.
67
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:34,982
Wow. Those mascot
Outfits get uglier
Every year.
68
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:41,522
I simply can't be
Mistaken about dodgers
Winning the game.
69
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,658
Perhaps I arrived
On earth too early.
70
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:46,960
Hmm.
71
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,462
Go deep, big guy!
72
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:51,532
Marvin: I knew it!
It's finally happening!
73
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,567
Dodgers is throwing the...
74
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:54,802
Water bottle?!
75
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,103
Thanks, water boy!
76
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:59,072
I can't imagine
A more rewarding job.
77
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:02,376
This is most irksome.
78
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:05,346
Perhaps I need to help
This situation along.
79
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:14,855
Are you the current quarterback
At big state university?
80
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,123
Yeah.
81
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,959
I'm your new
American history tutor.
82
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:19,993
Yeah.
83
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,462
And the best way to learn
84
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,897
Is through firsthand experience.
85
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,366
Yeah.
86
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:28,135
So please enjoy this
Up-close and personal lesson
87
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,237
On the battle of
Little bighorn.
88
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,639
Good-bye.
89
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,676
Thank you.
90
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,948
Whoa. I can't believe
The quarterback chose this week
91
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,115
To go to montana.
92
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:45,486
Man: yeah! Who's gonna lead us
To victory in the big game?
93
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,255
Poor slobs.
Don't they realize...
94
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,257
Water is the answer?
95
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,692
Marvin:
Oh, dodgers?
96
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:55,028
I've signed you up for
The quarterback tryouts.
97
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,697
Hey, anybody home?
98
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,867
I already told you:
I'm the water boy!
99
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,970
I guess I should have listened
To them when they said
100
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:05,072
You weren't a water boy...
101
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,007
You were a water baby!
102
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,476
Water baby?!
103
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,511
Did they really
Call me a water baby?
104
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:13,113
Um...Something
To that effect.
105
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,583
Cut to the quick!
And after all I've done
106
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,451
For those underhydrated lads!
107
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:20,153
There's only one thing
For you to do.
108
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,089
You're right! I must...
109
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,791
Run away and join
The circus.
110
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:26,827
I was thinking
More like,
Proving them wrong.
111
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:30,097
Yeah, but then what would I do
With this rubber nose?
112
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,632
[honk honk]
Give me that!
113
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,834
You're not
The duck dodgers I know.
114
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:37,638
The duck dodgers I know
Wouldn't shrink from
This assignment!
115
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,272
Why, he'd jump
At the chance!
116
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:41,375
He'd chase an enemy
Across the galaxy,
117
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:44,612
And just when that enemy
Was on the verge
Of victory--
118
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:47,180
And the resulting
Promotion--
119
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,082
The dodgers I know
Would swoop in
120
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,918
And ruin
The whole thing,
121
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:55,055
Making his enemy's life
A complete and miserable
Failure!
122
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,290
That's the duck dodgers
I know!
123
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:59,059
I'll do it!
124
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,233
All right, boys,
Huddle up!
125
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,101
We're gonna run
A halfback option
126
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,302
With a fullback
Half-track!
127
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,171
Left foot green!
Right hand blue!
128
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,941
Go directly to jail!
Do not pass go!
129
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,075
Break!
130
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,746
[cheering]
131
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,982
Dodgers: 6! 36! 9 times
The square root of 11!
132
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,316
Hike!
133
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:24,885
Arrrgh!
Arrrgh!
134
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:28,956
Ooh!
135
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,524
Did any of you guys hear
136
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:33,060
A sickening popping sound?
137
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,128
Dodgers: that was
My spleen!
138
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,398
Superstar coming through!
139
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,068
Make way for...
140
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,736
Greatness?
141
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:46,640
We're already behind!
142
00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:49,743
But I'm sure that
Dodgers is the winner.
143
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:52,980
I am a winner!
144
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,783
I am unstoppable!
145
00:06:56,717 --> 00:07:00,087
I am in
Excruciating pain!
146
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,524
I'm positive that dodgers
Led his team to victory.
147
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:06,059
I can't be wrong!
148
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,028
We need a touchdown to win,
149
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,997
And only 9 seconds to go!
150
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,231
Time-out!
151
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,533
Excuse me, buddy,
152
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,535
You're standing on my face.
153
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:15,836
[crunch]
Thank you.
154
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,237
Dodgers, good!
155
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,272
I've evaluated
Our opponents'
Formations--
156
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,307
I quit!
157
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:21,809
You can't quit!
158
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:25,145
I'm a water boy,
Not a quarterback.
159
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,547
I guess you were wrong.
160
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,049
Wrong?
I can't be wrong!
161
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:32,920
There's no word in
The martian language
For "Wrong"!
162
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,655
Here, take this.
163
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,990
I was saving it
To destroy you.
164
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,425
What?!
Never mind.
165
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,661
Just put it on,
And things will be
Different.
166
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:44,197
Ok. I have nothing if not
Stick-to-it-iveness.
167
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:46,634
Good boy! Now
Get back out there!
168
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,102
You will prove that
I am an infallible
Genius!
169
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:52,339
Heh heh!
Placing a brain wave
Override receptor
170
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:53,807
On dodgers' helmet
171
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:56,476
Will allow me
To seize control
Of his body.
172
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,345
With this
Remote control,
173
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:01,148
Wrong I will not be!
174
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,884
15! 301!
Hut, hut, hike!
175
00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:07,521
Arrrgh!
Arrrgh!
176
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:08,722
Leap and evade!
177
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:12,826
It's working!
178
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,163
Spinning side step combo!
179
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:19,933
Hello, heisman!
180
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,670
Finishing move:
Rocket's red glare!
181
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:31,712
[horn sounds, cheering]
182
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:34,481
Yahoo! I was right!
183
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,817
Yay, team.
184
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,619
Ah ha ha ha!
185
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:41,254
Who's your daddy now,
Queenie?
186
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,256
Oh, um, congratulations
187
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,258
On winning the big game,
Dodgers.
188
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:48,328
Well, I couldn't have done it
Without you, little chum.
189
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,298
You had it inside you
The whole time.
190
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,933
I just helped
Bring it out.
191
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,302
Yeah! I guess I did!
192
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:58,972
Why, I'll bet I'm capable of
All sorts of outrageous heroics.
193
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,975
I'm sorry,
But my job is
Finished here,
194
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,644
And so I must go.
195
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:05,646
Will I ever see you again?
196
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,115
You just may,
Dodgers.
197
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,883
You just may.
198
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,989
Heh heh. Did you realize
That the sole survivor
199
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,792
Of custer's battalion
At the battle of
Little bighorn
200
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:21,094
Was a horse named
Comanche?
201
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,467
Greetings, your highness!
202
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:31,004
I am proud to report
That I was right:
203
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:33,807
Duck dodgers did become
The hero of the game!
204
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:36,143
So you didn't manage
To stop him?
205
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,378
Stop him? Um...
206
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,446
I'm afraid not.
207
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,514
[sigh]
Oh, well.
208
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,717
Dodgers
Is a worthy
Adversary.
209
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,853
Wait a minute!
Computer,
210
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:49,189
Enlarge section x-d
700 percent.
211
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,160
That's you!
You're helping him!
212
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:56,129
You're right about
Dodgers winning
The game,
213
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:59,299
But he only
Succeeded because
You were there!
214
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,635
Oh, fudge.
215
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,092
Well, commander?
Success?
216
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,927
Oh, yes, your majesty.
217
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,997
Your efforts shall
Not go unrewarded.
218
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,398
Bring him in!
219
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,241
I give you...
220
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,743
Duck dodgers!
221
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,849
Kneel before the queen,
Mongrel.
222
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:52,619
Oof!
223
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,221
Queen: stop
This outrage!
224
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,156
He is your future king.
225
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,693
Any idea what she's
Talking about?
226
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:02,395
None.
I'll just play along.
227
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:05,232
Forgive me, dearest.
Did he hurt you?
228
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,835
But I'm supposed
To hurt him!
229
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:10,670
Rest assured, my love,
He shall pay.
230
00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:12,439
Guards!
Seize the commander,
231
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,007
And have him await
My punishment!
232
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:18,011
And this day started out
So promising.
233
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:21,749
Uh, can I get
A little more skinny on
This "King of mars" gig?
234
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:24,584
Time and again,
Against all odds,
235
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:27,354
You have proven yourself
A worthy opponent.
236
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,056
I have, haven't I?
237
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,792
Therefore,
I have selected you
238
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,827
As my imperial consort.
239
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:37,430
You know, I've always thought
You were some looker...
240
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:38,966
For a chick without a face.
241
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:42,369
You shall have power,
Wealth, and glory
242
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,337
Beyond your
Wildest dreams.
243
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:48,408
Oh, my darling, our love
Will be one for the ages!
244
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:51,044
But...Before we wed,
245
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:54,614
You must face
3 martian trials.
246
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:59,352
Ha! I spit in danger's
Cold, dead eye, baby!
247
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,056
Better buzz the cadet.
248
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:05,192
The little ham hock's
Probably worried sick.
249
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,929
Not on the bridge.
250
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,198
Not in the evaporator.
251
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,767
[humming]
252
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:15,302
Yo, round boy!
253
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,438
Aaahh!
Guess what!
254
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,472
What, sir?
255
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,208
I'm going be...
256
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,010
King of mars!
257
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:26,213
Ok.
258
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,315
E-mail my resignation
To old I.Q. Hi,
259
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:32,152
But let him down easy--
I'm his favorite.
260
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,120
Ok.
261
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:35,155
And you can cancel
The rescue party.
262
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,790
Uh, rescue party?
263
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:38,225
You know,
The one for me,
264
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,828
When you realized
I was abducted by martians,
265
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,229
Like an hour ago.
266
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,865
Ha ha! Right,
That rescue party.
267
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,934
The wedding's
The day after tomorrow.
268
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,002
Drop by if you're
In the neighborhood.
269
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:51,504
I think we're having them
Big shrimps for dinner.
270
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:52,639
Dodgers out.
271
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:53,673
[knock knock]
272
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,708
Come in!
273
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:58,745
It will no doubt give you
Great joy to know
274
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,647
That I've been demoted
275
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,917
And reassigned as your
Palace slave boy.
276
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,619
Well, I'm not one
Who delights in
The misfortune
277
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,121
Of a noble
Adversary.
278
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,756
Really?
279
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,525
No. Ha ha ha!
280
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,794
Get some rest, master.
281
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:17,564
Your trials begin at dawn.
282
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,836
Queen: welcome to
The first trial:
283
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:26,006
The test of combat.
284
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:29,142
I give you...
Duck dodgers!
285
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:31,578
[crickets chirping]
286
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:32,846
Man: loser!
287
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,883
My potential beloved
Must vanquish
288
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:38,118
The mightiest beast on mars:
289
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,053
The cytops.
290
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:45,525
[roaring]
291
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:48,195
[cheering]
292
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:49,963
Fight bravely.
293
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,133
Who? What? Where? When?
Aaahh!
294
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,302
[roaring]
295
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:58,238
Come on, hover board.
Hover, hover!
296
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,273
Aaahh!
297
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:04,111
Too quick for you, eh,
Vin diesel?
298
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,214
This can't end well.
299
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,883
Oh, goody!
300
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,384
I mean, how dreadful.
301
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:14,955
Maybe we can
Discuss this like
Rational beings.
302
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,656
You don't want to
Eat me, pal!
303
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,959
I'm malnourished!
I'm--I'm--
304
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:21,761
Say! Did you ever
Notice the unsightly
305
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:24,197
Wax buildup
In your ears?
306
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,533
Huh?
Really?
307
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,969
You must be
So embarrassed.
308
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,004
But I can
Help you out!
309
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,873
Yeah?
Sure can,
Bright eye!
310
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,375
Just one scrape
With this
311
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,244
Electro-swabby
Doohickey
312
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:38,311
Will fix you up
313
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:41,048
As easy as
1, 2, 3!
314
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,150
Aaahh!
315
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:48,388
[crowd gasps]
316
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,590
The cytops!
Is he--?
317
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,860
[panting]
318
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,862
I win, baby! Whoo!
319
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,230
[muttering]
320
00:14:57,264 --> 00:15:00,500
And wait, I think
I hear a heartbeat.
321
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:03,336
Yep, blinky's
Going to be ok!
322
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,105
[cheering]
323
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:09,977
The space poets will
Sing of our union
For all eternity.
324
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,212
I give it a week.
325
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,615
And now,
The second trial:
326
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:16,816
The test of endurance.
327
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:19,319
You must make your way
Back to the palace
328
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:22,322
From the heart of
The cruel martian desert.
329
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:25,492
Fear not, my hot-blooded
Martian beauty.
330
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,527
I shall not fail thee.
331
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,262
Commence evaporation.
332
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,970
Hop to, slave boy!
Mustn't keep queenie waiting.
333
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,578
[smacking lips]
334
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,347
Hey, slave boy,
Got any water?
335
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:51,018
Ah, finally his
Thirst has set in.
336
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,120
This will be his undoing.
337
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,722
Water! I said, do
We have any water?!
338
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,424
No water, master,
339
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:01,294
And all that lies before us
Is arid wasteland,
340
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:05,298
Where even the strongest
Go mad with thirst!
341
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,000
Oh.
342
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:10,137
Well, I guess I'll
Just have to eat
These babies dry.
343
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,104
What?!
344
00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:13,773
Oh, I just love
Salty snacks
345
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,575
On a road trip--
Want some?
346
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,377
No! They'll make me thirsty!
347
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:20,980
More for me.
348
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,150
[crunching]
349
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:25,618
Let's go.
350
00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:32,625
Sure you don't
Want any pretzels?
351
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,694
I feel like such a pig.
352
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:35,895
No, thanks!
353
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,497
I mean, I ate
All the saltines,
354
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,633
And the peanuts, and two bags
Of those fake onion rings.
355
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,203
Don't worry about me!
356
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,272
Oh yeah, and that
Whole box of salt.
357
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,708
That little girl with
The umbrella--she's so cute!
358
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:51,911
She sure is.
359
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:54,847
Aah! Water! Water!
360
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:57,984
Gotta have water!
Ah ha ha haaa!
361
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,353
It's here somewhere!
Gotta dig, dig, dig!
362
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:03,856
That's right...
Dare to dream, baby.
363
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,393
Dare to dream.
364
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:07,727
I did it!
365
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,729
I can hear
The life-giving fluids
366
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,831
Gurgling to the surface!
367
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,066
At last!
368
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,168
Thanks, s.B.
Nice work.
369
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,737
My hands always
Get so sticky
When I eat snacks.
370
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,374
And don't even
Mention my feet.
371
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:26,146
Get your stinking,
Diseased feet
372
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:29,249
Out of my drinking...
373
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:30,283
Water.
374
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:32,885
Oops.
Easy come, easy go.
375
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,887
[bawling]
376
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,456
How do you do it?
377
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:39,126
What, the heat?
This is nothing.
378
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:42,495
I've got
A time-share
In palm springs.
379
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:43,496
Oooh!
380
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,265
[thud]
381
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,602
Look!--
382
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:52,472
Duck dodgers has passed
The second trial!
383
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,242
Hakuna matata!
384
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:04,151
Let us begin the third
And final trial:
385
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,885
The test of logic.
386
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,687
Now, for our
Wedding reception,
387
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:11,191
Do you prefer a live
Band, 'cause I'm
A deejay man myself.
388
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,859
[imitates
Scratching]
389
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:15,495
Queen: if the earthling
Can best the sages of mars,
390
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:18,731
Then he is truly fit
To rule by my side.
391
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,568
Release the ritualistic
Gases.
392
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,877
What's with
The fog machine?
393
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:34,347
The gases cleanse
Both mind and spirit.
394
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:37,450
Ugh. Smells like
Somebody's burning
A diaper.
395
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,491
Step forward, duck dodgers!
396
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,229
A king must be
Smart and cunning,
397
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:52,098
Able to face unknown
Circumstances
398
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,234
And outwit
Adversaries.
399
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:57,003
Are you worthy,
Dodgers?
400
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,771
Heck, yeah, I'm worthy!
401
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,508
Then, behold!
402
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:06,913
One of these cards is
The queen of hearts.
403
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:10,517
If you can find the queen
After the cards
Are shuffled,
404
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,720
Then you are indeed
Noble and worthy.
405
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,455
Let 'er rip, sandy claws!
406
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,291
Ok, folks, here we go!
Keep your eyes on the prize,
407
00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:20,260
And everyone wins,
And everyone's a winner!
408
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,061
Show me the lucky lady!
409
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,496
Right here, chief.
410
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:25,698
[gasp]
411
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:27,166
He did it!
412
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,935
Whew! Heh heh!
413
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:32,038
I guess all those years
I spent as a transient
Carnival worker
414
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,473
Finally paid off.
415
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:37,677
Loyal subjects,
The next king of mars,
416
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,612
Duck dodgers!
417
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:42,349
Let us retire to our
Sleeping chambers, my sweet,
418
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:45,518
For tomorrow you make me the...
419
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:48,321
The happiest queen
In the universe.
420
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:51,791
Aw, stop!
You're making me blush.
421
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,993
[laughter]
422
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,563
You're making me sick.
423
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:00,767
Oh, slave boy!
424
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,168
Where's my late-night snack?
425
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,004
I grow more famished
By the second!
426
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,240
Your grapes, master.
427
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:09,175
Peel them for me.
428
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,110
I'll peel your...
429
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:13,179
Arrrgh!
430
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,381
I give up.
431
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,916
Congratulations,
Dodgers. You win.
432
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:20,920
I guess you do
Deserve to marry
My beautiful queen,
433
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,221
Be king of mars,
434
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:25,292
And run the methane
Farms of uranus.
435
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:28,395
That's right, baby!
King! King of--
436
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:31,298
Hey! Rewind to that part
About uranus.
437
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,566
Why, the king's
Sole responsibility
438
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,168
Is to oversee
The methane farms.
439
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:38,838
It's an all-consuming,
Full-time job.
440
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:42,809
Giant industrial
Refineries create
Pure energy
441
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:46,479
Out of ordinary
Foul-smelling
Animal waste.
442
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:50,483
[farting sounds]
443
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,218
Gimme that thing!
444
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,687
I mean, why should
I settle down now?
445
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,489
I have my whole life
Ahead of me,
446
00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:58,425
And I hardly know this girl!
447
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,126
G-greeting, captain.
448
00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:01,761
Happy w-wedding day.
449
00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:02,862
The wedding's off!
450
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:04,864
Th-the big shrimp, too?
451
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:06,132
Big shrimp, too.
452
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:07,900
Lock onto my signal
And evaporate me
453
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,669
Out of here in two minutes.
454
00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:16,108
You have served me well,
Slave boy. Now scram.
455
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:17,944
And if you'll excuse me,
456
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,947
I have one thing left to do.
457
00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:27,354
Who's there?
458
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:29,489
It's over, babycakes.
459
00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:31,524
Too bad you were foolish
Enough to believe
460
00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:33,159
That we had
Something here.
461
00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:35,995
Oh, my dearest!
Whatever do you mean?
462
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:38,931
Don't you "My dearest"
Me, sister!
463
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:41,233
I set up this
Whole adventure
464
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:43,102
To sweet-talk
Secrets out of you
465
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,771
For the galactic
Protectorate.
466
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,506
But we kidnapped you.
467
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:48,675
This whole adventure.
468
00:21:50,076 --> 00:21:52,345
Adios, muchacha!
469
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:56,649
We'll always have paris.
470
00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,987
W-welcome back,
Captain dodgers.
471
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,722
Aaahh!
Get us out of here
472
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:05,725
Before they ship me off
To the methane farms
Of uranus!
473
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:09,429
B-but uranus doesn't have
Any m-methane farms.
474
00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:13,466
Why, that untrustworthy,
Loathsome,
475
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,469
Little lying lowdown snake!
476
00:22:17,704 --> 00:22:22,041
Heh heh! You may have passed
The queen's tests, dodgers,
477
00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:24,110
But you failed mine...
478
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:26,779
The gullibility test!
479
00:22:26,813 --> 00:22:28,515
Ha ha ha!
32657
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