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1
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,677
* frozen
In a time and space *
2
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:12,012
* divide
3
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,783
* but how
4
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,818
* would the universe
5
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,622
* survive?
6
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:28,028
* duck dodgers of the 24th
And 1/2 century *
7
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:34,535
* protecting the powerless
8
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,670
* and the weak
9
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:42,676
* duck dodgers,
He's fighting *
10
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,045
* tyranny
11
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:49,016
* in the 24th
12
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,786
* and 1/2 century
13
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,846
Duck dodgers:
Don't mess this up, cadet.
14
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:22,383
This is my big chance
To be an ambassador
Of the people of earth.
15
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,052
Are you sure you have
The r-right coordinates?
16
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,555
Are you questioning
My authority?
17
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,658
I sure am, 'cause
This place looks scary.
18
00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:36,664
And it seems
A-ab-abandoned, too.
19
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:37,998
Are you kidding?
20
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,201
It's probably
Teeming with life.
21
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,371
Dodgers: anybody home?
22
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:44,872
Cadet: no.
23
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,478
Dodgers: it appears
To be the entrance
24
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,513
To some sort
Of meeting center.
25
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:55,149
With a strange sense
Of foreboding and fear,
26
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,917
I am drawn toward it,
27
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,587
As if by some
Mysterious force.
28
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,988
Really?
29
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,123
Nah, just making
Small talk.
30
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,630
There's nobody here.
Let's go.
31
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:12,800
But look. Someone
Set a table for us.
32
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,068
Go ahead.
You know what to do.
33
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:17,171
No! Introduce me.
34
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,341
Introducing his excellency,
35
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,510
The ambassador
From planet earth,
36
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:23,944
D-duck dodgers.
37
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,813
Sorry. No answer.
38
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,114
Say it like you mean it.
39
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,616
Put some oomph in it.
40
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,184
[screeching]
41
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,256
Welcome to my humble abode.
42
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,958
I am count muerte.
43
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,994
Eh, b-b--hi there.
44
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,964
I'm c-c-cad-d--
45
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,933
Go on. You are?
46
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,468
He's nobody. Nothing.
47
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,471
I, on the other hand,
Am the ambassador
Of planet earth,
48
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,172
His excellency...
Uh-huh.
49
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,974
The grand...
Yes.
50
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,443
Supreme...
Go on.
51
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:56,810
Ambassador,
52
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,546
Duck dodgers!
53
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,080
Great. And you?
54
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:03,284
My little tubby friend,
Who might you be?
55
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,753
He's the cadet,
Who is not an ambassador.
56
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,755
How rude of me.
57
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,491
I have had this banquet
Prepared in your honor.
58
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,359
Thank you.
59
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:12,960
And you, cadet,
Come down here
60
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:16,597
And sit right
Next to me, eh?
61
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,368
Tell me a little
About yourself.
62
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,303
The only thing
I know about you
63
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:25,205
Is that you're
Not an ambassador.
64
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,175
Well, there's not much
To tell.
65
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,278
I graduated summa cum laude
From the academy.
66
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:31,545
I'm an expert.
67
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,815
Excuse me. I need
Some ketchup down here.
68
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,384
Anybody? Hello?
69
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:39,287
That's how I ended
W-world hunger.
70
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,555
Ok, cadet, time for you
To get back to the ship
71
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,924
And do that
Regularly scheduled thing.
72
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,293
Bye.
73
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:48,128
Every time I tell
That world hunger story,
74
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:51,131
I have to go purge
The ship's septic system.
75
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:52,700
This'll give us
The chance to talk.
76
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,102
You know, just the two
Of us. You go first.
77
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,704
Any questions about earth?
78
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,705
Why, yes.
79
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,573
How much would you say
The cadet weighs?
80
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,575
Have you measured
His body-fat ratio?
81
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,411
What is his
Cholesterol count?
82
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:06,447
Look, bub, I didn't come
Clear across the galaxy
83
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,249
To talk about how fat
My pig is.
84
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,719
I, myself,
Am thin as a rail.
85
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,253
Fit as a fiddle.
86
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:16,324
Aah! Get it off of me!
87
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:19,159
It's only a piece
Of semi-firm tofu.
88
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:22,062
Mmm. Chewy, yet tasteless.
89
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,764
Silence!
90
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,232
Yes, master.
91
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:29,002
Your healthy foods
Are poison to me,
92
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:32,773
For I am a
Fat-sucking vampire!
93
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:36,076
I survive by feeding on
The fat of the living,
94
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:40,213
So you must lure
Your cadet to me.
95
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:42,583
Yes, my dark master.
96
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:46,186
I will capture the cadet
For you so you can suck,
97
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,489
Suck, suck his fat!
98
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:52,693
Delicious piggy fat.
Heh heh heh!
99
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,229
Hello, captain?
100
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,199
Hello, there, piggy boy.
101
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,001
You look terrible.
102
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:05,205
You haven't been hitting
The m-moldavian punch
Again, have you?
103
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:06,807
Heh heh heh heh!
104
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,776
So funny, your jokes.
105
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:12,380
Now sit, juicy dinner,
In comfy chair.
106
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:16,817
And I coming back
With snack for you.
107
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,652
Don't move!
108
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:22,623
He's sure acting
Stra--stran--n-nutty.
109
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,763
[hissing]
110
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:31,164
Why, hello.
111
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:33,233
I didn't know I had company.
Ha ha ha!
112
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,068
You ladies look hungry.
113
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,870
Hungry.
114
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,171
Yes.
115
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:41,208
So very hungry.
116
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:43,076
Hee hee hee!
117
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,546
The master so pleased
Will be.
118
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:49,282
Hi, captain.
Have a snap-hap-happy day.
119
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,819
Where are you going?
120
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,388
Why did you
Not detain him
For the master?
121
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,557
He's such a nice guy.
122
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:59,560
He actually cared
About our feelings.
123
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:03,964
Yeah. We mostly get
The crazy bug-eating types.
124
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,203
[thunder]
125
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:13,106
Would you have
My delicious pig meal?
126
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,242
Well, the funny thing is,
My master,
127
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:16,677
No.
128
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,245
All: daddy,
129
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:21,014
Are we going to
Go hungry tonight?
130
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:25,819
I'm afraid all
I can offer you
Is a light snack.
131
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,388
Let's this like
Rational people discuss.
132
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:32,292
Dodgers:
Aargh! Cut it out.
I'm ticklish.
133
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:33,694
[dodgers laughing]
134
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,867
Hee hee hee!
135
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,936
Not this plan
Shall fail the master.
136
00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,141
Ouch!
137
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:55,015
The piggy boy
No escape this trap.
138
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,217
Come, my sleepy piggy.
139
00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,654
A bed I made for you.
140
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:03,356
That's awfully nice of you,
But I'm not tired.
141
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,658
Yes, you are!
142
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:09,296
I see it in your eyes.
They are very heavy.
143
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:12,933
Well, maybe I'm a lit--
A little tired.
144
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,202
Here is your bed.
145
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,237
Sleep, pig.
146
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,438
Can I get a glass
Of water first?
147
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,240
Don't move.
148
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,509
Here. Drink.
149
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:24,277
Drink it all,
Sleepy pig.
150
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,379
There. Sleep, my pig.
151
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,849
Say, I forgot
To b-brush my--
152
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:31,585
Oh, brushing, brushing,
Brushing stinky piggy teeth.
153
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:34,788
Make so clean. There.
154
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:37,725
Heh heh!
Now you lay down.
Heh heh heh!
155
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,427
I really do need to go
To the bathroom.
156
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,431
That I will not do
For you.
157
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,332
Hurry back.
158
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,967
[toilet flushes]
159
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,371
This all comes from
Too much drinking water
Before bedtime.
160
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,373
Where was I?
161
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,610
Oh, yes. I was dancing
Around like a madman.
162
00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:59,312
Now you lay down.
163
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,114
I forgot to call
My mother and--
164
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,517
What is it with you,
Mr. Pig?
165
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:06,053
Going to sleep
Is simple.
166
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:09,222
You just hop
Into bed
167
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,358
And think
Happy, peaceful--
168
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,126
Aah! Ohh!
169
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,596
[groaning]
170
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:18,331
Uh, captain?
Are you all right?
171
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,300
I lost 6 inches
Off my waist,
172
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,202
And I've never
Felt better.
173
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,604
You must be
Awfully uncomfortable.
174
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,538
I'll get you a pillow.
175
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:27,240
Thank you,
Nice pig boy.
176
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,910
Count muerte:
Mmm. Pork fat pie.
177
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,478
Pork fat pudding.
178
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,046
Pork fat flambe.
179
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,283
I wonder if that imbecile
Has captured my dinner.
180
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:41,655
[singing]
181
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:46,193
Never send an imbecile
To do a vampire's job.
182
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,095
Oh, captain.
183
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,997
I've got you
A plushy pillow.
184
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,932
[growl]
185
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,103
Aah!
186
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,237
[screaming]
187
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,146
[panting]
188
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:11,785
Where are you going,
Juicy dinner?
189
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:14,187
Don't worry,
My little friend.
190
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,990
It'll only hurt
A little.
191
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,994
Yes.
192
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,766
Ahh...
193
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:28,268
[burp]
194
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,003
[gags]
195
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,338
Rigor...
196
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,340
Mortis.
197
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,342
[laughter]
198
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,314
Master?
199
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,449
Cadet?
200
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,451
Cadet?
201
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:45,819
Cadet!
202
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,689
Oh, poor little hapless fool.
203
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,390
I will mourn your loss.
204
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,792
Oh, captain.
205
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,061
Isn't it about time
We get back to the ship?
206
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,729
You're alive!
207
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,498
I thought you got eaten
By that spooky creep.
208
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,200
Oh, he didn't eat me.
209
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:03,436
I tricked him into
Eating a decoy made
Of fat-free cheese,
210
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:06,273
Wheat germ,
And semi-firm tofu.
211
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,677
I guess healthy foods
Really didn't agree
With him.
212
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,011
Yes, well, the next time
213
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:14,081
We run across
A mysterious alien race,
214
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,316
You be the ambassador.
215
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,511
Yes?
216
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:45,545
I've got a prisoner
For you.
217
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,981
Drake darkstar.
218
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,616
I heard he was
Coming my way.
219
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,051
Don't you have
A reception team?
220
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,052
Are you kidding?
221
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,654
I'm not taking any
Chances with this guy.
222
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,123
Saddle up, boys.
223
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,325
Take your positions.
224
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,293
Bring in
The transport pod.
225
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,870
Set shock sticks
To full charge.
226
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:14,875
Secure those plasma restraints.
227
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,745
Hurry!
228
00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:22,082
[laughter]
229
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,086
Hold your fire!
230
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:30,791
No.
231
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,593
Hello, boys.
232
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,295
Aah!
233
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,701
Cadet, what's
Our estimated time
Of arrival?
234
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:44,772
Our e.T.A.
To the prison station
Is 3 minutes.
235
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,206
What are we delivering?
236
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,407
Toilet paper.
237
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,842
Toilet paper?
238
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:53,713
426,000 rolls of
Soft-tee brand toilet paper.
239
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,649
The softest,
Most comfortablest
Toilet paper
240
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:59,152
Money can buy.
Now with aloe.
241
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,788
Gimme that.
242
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:04,691
"426,000 rolls
Soft-tee toilet paper
For delivery to--"
243
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,726
I'm a paper boy!
244
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,628
A toilet paper boy.
245
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:12,232
I've tried so hard,
And now I'm reduced
To this disgrace.
246
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:15,035
I'm glad my mother's
Not around to see this.
247
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,671
She washed floors
In that rat-infested
Tenement building
248
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:20,073
For 40 long years
249
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:23,376
Just so I might live
In the basement...
250
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,645
And play video games.
251
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,815
Here, captain dodgers.
252
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,819
Huh?
253
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:34,621
Well, I have to admit,
254
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:35,956
It is the most
Comfortablest,
255
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:39,159
And that aloe did
Feel good on my eyelid.
256
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,363
[sirens]
257
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,764
Look sharp, men.
258
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,567
Darkstar's got to be
Around here somewhere.
259
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,370
Yes, but not for long.
260
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:01,548
The sooner I get this
Indignity over with,
The better.
261
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:06,086
They must be expecting me.
262
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,221
Bet they ran out
Of toilet paper.
263
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,623
You never realize
How important this stuff is
264
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,792
Till you're sitting
There stranded.
265
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,162
I'll just drop my load
And be on my way.
266
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:18,331
On my way to a new
And more glorious life of crime
267
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,867
Where men fear me...
268
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,269
And toilet paper
Is a precious commodity.
269
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:26,006
A land that will live in terror
And shudder in fear.
270
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,475
Whenever there's
A toilet paper shortage,
271
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:29,409
They know who to call.
272
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,111
Drake darkstar,
273
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,013
Master villain
And evil-doer.
274
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,714
Man: and he can go
To the bathroom
All on his own.
275
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,349
No more diapers.
276
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:40,120
They sent the right duck to
Remedy this dire situation.
277
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,089
[crash]
278
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,891
[beeping]
279
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:46,393
Another job well done.
280
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,331
Got him!
281
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,366
[siren]
282
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,104
Hey, boys,
Sorry about the damage,
283
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,406
But at least I brought
You the toilet paper.
284
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,474
All I need is someone
To sign for the t.P.,
285
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,010
And I'll be on my way.
286
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,812
Or, if you'd like
To avoid finance charges,
287
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,447
You can pay me directly.
288
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:12,085
Ah, this hapless fool
Looks like my ticket
Out of here.
289
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,622
Watch the threads, slick.
290
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,824
I'm still working on
The finance charges.
291
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,792
Say, you look familiar.
292
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,395
Really?
Yeah, like a guy
I know.
293
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:25,798
I'll bet he always
Has a stupid look
On his face.
294
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:26,833
Like this.
295
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,269
Yeah, yeah,
Stupid like that.
296
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,638
Say, can you do
Jack nicholson?
297
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:35,642
[imitating nicholson]
So, you wanna see
The stars, do ya?
298
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,811
Wow! You're terrific.
299
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,113
There.
300
00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:42,815
Now that I've fulfilled
Your request,
301
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,384
I have one of my own.
302
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:48,721
I'd like to
Trade clothes
And identities, ok?
303
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,390
Ok.
304
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:53,326
Sir, we've got
A confirmed sighting
Of darkstar.
305
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,728
And he keeps talking
About toilet paper.
306
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,431
He's one sick,
Twisted individual.
307
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,500
Ta ta, duck dodgers--
308
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,835
I mean, drake darkstar.
309
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:05,172
[laughs]
310
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,473
Ohh...
311
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:10,810
The last time this happened,
I woke up in tijuana.
312
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,813
Reach for the sky,
Scumbag.
313
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,083
Yep, tijuana.
314
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:19,019
For 20 years, I've waited
For my chance to escape.
315
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,721
Nothing can stop me now.
316
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:25,892
I don't care how many times
You claim to be duck dodgers,
317
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,860
We all know that you're
A vicious monster.
318
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:31,564
In fact, you're one
Of the greatest fiends
The galaxy has ever known.
319
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,001
Why, the name
Drake darkstar
320
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,036
Strikes fear
Into the hearts
Of billions.
321
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,705
And don't you
Forget it, gappy.
322
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,708
What was that
Supposed to mean?
323
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,177
Sorry, just got caught
Up in the moment.
324
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:47,014
Welcome home, darkstar.
325
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:55,022
Oh, my. It sure is
Gloomy in here.
326
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,189
Captain dodgers
Must have been playing
327
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,258
With the d-dimmer switch again.
328
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:02,029
It sort of gives everything
A spooky look.
329
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,397
[beep]
330
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,568
Hello there.
331
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,003
Why, hello,
Captain dodgers.
332
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,438
All finished
With your delivery?
333
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,872
Yes.
334
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,441
Are you feeling ok?
335
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,543
Never felt better.
336
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,278
G-gr-gre--uh, super.
337
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:22,749
It's time for us
To flee the shackles
Of incarceration.
338
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,484
Ok.
339
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,053
Get us out of here.
340
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,720
No can do, captain.
341
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:28,921
What?
342
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,291
Well, I was using
This down time
343
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,261
To do m-maintenance on
The ship's motherboard.
344
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,196
You know how you
Like to eat snacks
And stuff on the bridge?
345
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:37,630
Well, those
Greasy little crumbs
346
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,999
Worked their way down into
The sensitive electronics,
347
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,934
So from time to time,
I like to clean that junk out.
348
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:43,636
Right now, the motherboard
Is disconnected
349
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,606
And soaking in a solution
Of grenadine and bitters.
350
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:50,110
If there is anything
You value about your
Pathetic little life,
351
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,279
You will put this ship
In order.
352
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,648
Am I making myself
Clear? Cadet!
353
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,684
[stuttering]
354
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:01,554
Perfect.
355
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,658
Exercise time.
356
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:09,096
Darkstar,
That means you, too.
357
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,134
[man grunting]
358
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,335
Dodgers:
Nice health club.
359
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,704
Wonder if they have
A pilates class.
360
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,208
Hey, there's some jovial
Fellow inmates.
361
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,476
I'm sure they'll
Want to help me out.
362
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,112
Hey there, homeboys!
363
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,780
Anybody up for
A little breaking
Out of prison action?
364
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,216
Hey, shut up, would you?
365
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,318
Yeah. You trying
To get us in trouble?
366
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,487
Why would we help
Drake darkstar anyway?
367
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,988
[meows]
368
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:38,925
Well, I'll let you in
On a little secret.
369
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,261
I'm not drake darkstar.
370
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,563
I'm actually duck dodgers.
371
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,299
You mean the same
Duck dodgers who
Put me in here?
372
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:50,002
I'm sorry, I didn't
Put my contacts in
This morning but...
373
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:53,640
Aah! Cat head murphy
Of the kitty litter crew!
374
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,542
That's right.
375
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,678
I hope that condition
With the hair balls
Cleared up.
376
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,547
Remember me, dodgers?
377
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,149
Slygor the scam artist?
378
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,751
Thanks to you,
They gave me 25 to life
379
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,586
For selling new
Aluminum gutters
380
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:10,157
To little old ladies who
Didn't really need them!
381
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:12,024
How about me?
382
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:15,662
It's funny, but you
Really don't ring a bell.
383
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,765
Still don't remember me?
384
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:21,701
Sorry!
385
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:24,003
I'm krag the klunkin.
386
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,839
Remember the battle
For thessalonius 7?
387
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,442
I've never even been
To thessalonius 6.
388
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,978
But you're doug.
Doug rogers, right?
389
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,514
No, I'm duck dodgers.
390
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,349
Oh. Sorry.
391
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:38,418
You really wrinkled
My t-shirt.
392
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,488
You're gonna pay
For what you did
To us, dodgers.
393
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:44,957
That is, for
What you did
To most of us.
394
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,693
Aw, come on, fellas.
395
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,261
I want to
Make him pay, too.
396
00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:52,098
Can't we just discuss this
Like rational creatures?
397
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,167
[dodgers screaming]
398
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:01,040
[shouting]
399
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,610
Suckers. That was
Almost too easy.
400
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,582
Status report, cadet.
401
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,918
I'm soldering as fast
As I can, sir.
402
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,686
Not fast enough.
403
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,255
I've put you
On a deadline.
404
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:16,823
Chop, chop,
Little piggy.
405
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:18,258
Your time
Is running out.
406
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:23,563
[munching, gnawing]
407
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,798
[panting]
408
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,234
Oh, dear.
409
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,569
I'm afraid I can't let you
Have the motherboard.
410
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,372
But I have a surprise
For you, cadet.
411
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:37,043
A deep, dark,
Soul-shredding surprise.
412
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,279
Heh heh heh.
413
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,483
Dodgers:
Hate to toot my own horn,
414
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:47,754
But I am pretty good
At picking out a hiding spot.
415
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,922
[screaming]
416
00:19:57,364 --> 00:20:02,535
Ho ho! A speedy vehicle
With which to make my escape.
417
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:10,777
Come on, you stupid thing,
Go faster.
418
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,215
Look! Drake darkstar
Is escaping
419
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,985
In that slow-moving,
Anachronistic garbage truck.
420
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:22,054
Clever, darkstar.
Very clever.
421
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,390
[sirens]
422
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:27,794
Not good.
423
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:32,565
Give it up, criminal.
424
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:35,968
There's my ship.
425
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:44,277
Uh, got to keep
This motherboard away
From that l-lunatic.
426
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:47,847
Now I've got
The motherboard,
The ship,
427
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,216
And the pig boy
Sidekick.
428
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,719
Dodgers:
Not so fast, darkstar.
429
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,822
That's my ship
And my pig boy sidekick.
430
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,223
The motherboard
Is a rental.
431
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,025
Come now, dodgers.
432
00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:01,928
I'm the most evil genius
In the universe.
433
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,931
You're out
Of your league.
434
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,699
Ok, now you're
Gonna get it.
435
00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:08,267
Be careful, captain.
436
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:09,836
Hi-yeeah!
437
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:17,810
[panting]
438
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,683
Hold it right there,
Darkstar.
439
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:27,654
It's time to lock
This impostor up
And throw away the key.
440
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,490
You're the only impostor
Here, impostor.
441
00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:31,791
We can't tell one
From the other.
442
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:34,694
It's like some kind
Of crazy deja vu.
443
00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:37,697
Cadet, help
The friendly officers
Out, would you?
444
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:41,368
Well, I guess
I know captain dodgers
Better than anyone.
445
00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:42,402
That's right.
That's right.
446
00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:44,236
He can prove
I'm the real me.
447
00:21:44,270 --> 00:21:45,838
I don't know.
448
00:21:45,872 --> 00:21:48,808
Tell him about the time
I gave you space lice...
449
00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:50,710
Or the time you came
Over to help me move
450
00:21:50,743 --> 00:21:53,880
And I faked
Having a hernia--
Remember that?
451
00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:55,147
Oh, yeah.
452
00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:56,483
Hey, I know--
Tell him about the time
453
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:58,618
I sold your sister to
The sausage factory.
454
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:02,288
You sold his sister
To the sausage factory?
455
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:05,057
Dude, that's cold.
456
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:10,363
It's--gentlemen,
That's the real duck dodgers
457
00:22:10,397 --> 00:22:11,764
Right there.
458
00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:13,600
What!? You fink.
459
00:22:13,633 --> 00:22:15,368
Don't listen to him.
He don't know nothing.
460
00:22:15,402 --> 00:22:16,503
Get him, boys!
461
00:22:16,536 --> 00:22:18,405
Hey, I'm the real dodgers!
462
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,306
Tell him about that time
I told that kid
463
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,241
To put your shoes
In the toilet!
464
00:22:22,274 --> 00:22:24,544
Or the time
I starched your tail.
465
00:22:24,577 --> 00:22:27,113
Well, at least he'll
Be much nicer to me
466
00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:30,450
Than captain dodgers
Ever was.
31854
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