All language subtitles for Cheers.S09E24.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

- Good morning.
- Morning.

What's with the vegetables?

Same as always.
They're watching TV.

Sam, I have changed my diet.

I'm finally eating right
for the first time in 30 years.

30? What were you doing the other 12?

And I feel so good that I thought
we can all work on our diets,

so I'm making up
this little vegetable plate.

I figure if those guys are going
to sit around and eat, they might as well

- eat something healthy.
- I don't think they're gonna like that.

They'll never even notice.

What the hell is this?

What's wrong?

This thing I found
in the pretzel bowl.

Oh, my God. What are these?

They appear to be
orange and green sticks.

I know what they are.
You know, when you go in a restaurant

and you order a nice
pink thick juicy steak,

and they put this other stuff
on the plate that you shove aside?

Oh. You mean vegetables.

These can't be vegetables.
There's no batter.

You guys, you're not
even giving me a chance.

You sit around
stuffing your faces all day long,

so why don't you stuff them
with something that's good for you?

Go ahead. Try it.

Eh, it's not bad.

Try the cauliflower, it acts like a ladle.

Whoa, Sammy.

I see her.

How do you do that?

I could tell you,
but then I'd have to kill you.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Come over here for a second.

I want to pour you
a glass of champagne.

Interesting thing about this bottle,
it was presented to me

for being the hottest
single guy in Boston.

But until you walked
through that door,

I've never found anyone
I wanted to share it with.

I don't drink champagne. Thanks.

- What just happened here, guys?
- Well, you got shot down, Sam.

You read about those kind of things,

but you never think
they're going to happen to you.

It's amazing.

Maybe she's seeing someone else.

I don't see how that's relevant.

You know, Sammy,
maybe she's one of these women

who coaches basketball
and does her own carpentry,

if you know what I mean.

Let's go with that,
shall we, gentlemen?

Afternoon, all.

Hey, how's it going, Dr. Crane?

Oh, the usual, the crying,
the tantrums, the bed-wetting.

- Yeah. That's fatherhood.
- No. That's my therapy group.

What a bunch of losers.

I'm sorry. I'm a bit stressed today.

Lilith and I have been looking
for a preschool for Frederick.

Tomorrow we've got an interview
with the administrators

of the Magic Hours Learning Center.

I don't get that.
This is your kid, your money.

Why aren't you interviewing them?

The beauty of private education
is that they're able to weed out

the unacceptable lowlifes.

I just pray I'm not one of them.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait a second here.

What's the matter
with public school?

I went to public school.

I love you, Cliff.
Don't ever change.

Until I began eating clean,

I never realized how good
a nice, dry rice cake could taste.

How can you eat those?
They don't have any flavor.

If I eat these, I will live longer.

I have a question.

You're always talking about
how you hate your life.

- How come you want to make it longer?
- Shut up, Woody.

Hello, Frasier.

Darling.

What's wrong?
You look so somber.

How can you tell?

I took a shot and got lucky.

Frasier, I have some bad news.

This morning, at 9:00,
Whitey passed away.

Oh, Lilith. I'm so sorry.

Just yesterday,
he was so young, so vital.

This morning, I walked into the lab
and found him face-down

in his nest of cedar shavings.

- Excuse me?
- You see...

Whitey was Lilith's senior
and most-cherished lab rat.

Oh, for crying out loud.

No. You don't understand.

Usually we don't
get attached to the rats,

but this one was so special.
We even named him.

Everyone in the lab
called him Whitey.

Are you sure
they weren't talking to you?

No, Carla. They were talking
about Whitey the rat.

Okay. I'll ask again,

are you sure
they weren't talking to you?

Carla, please.

Lilith is mourning
the loss of a close friend.

Big deal. Go find another rat
to hook up to your electrodes.

My research never harmed
Whitey in any way.

In fact, he had everything
a rat could want.

If he needed it, I gave it to him.

That rat was the envy of others.

That's true, but I got over it.

I miss him so much.

Let it out, darling.

I am.

Here she comes.

I'm psyched this time. I'm psyched.

Hi. Listen, excuse me
for just a second.

I didn't mean to imply

that I was gonna give you champagne
to get you drunk.

I just wanted to get to know you.

You'd have to get me drunk for that.

First that other girl.
Now her twin sister.

I don't know
what she's looking for in life,

but if she can't find it here,
she's not gonna find it anywhere.

- Paul. You ready?
- Yeah. Let's go.

Paul?

See you later, guys. Don't wait up.

This isn't really happening. No, no.

In a few seconds, I'm gonna wake up
in my own bed, covered in sweat.

Okay. Here we go.

Oh, this is going
to be a long one.

I feel great.

I've been eating clean
for 12 hours now.

I feel like I have
a whole new body.

I have more energy,
and I just feel better.

I'm a celebration of life.

Boy, I'll say, Rebecca,

and what goes better
with a celebration than Ho Hos?

Well, no, I can't think
of anything except maybe...

...Twinkies.

Gentlemen, I have one word for you...

...Snowballs.

- Snowballs!
- Snowballs!

Snowballs are better
because they're bite size.

See what I mean?

Good evening, all.

Sam, Glenlivet rocks. Two.

How you feeling there, Lilith?

- Life goes on, Sam.
- Ah, that's the spirit.

Rather than brood and mourn,
Frasier and I have decided

to do something a little bit
more life-affirming.

We're going to a theater
and a late dinner.

I think Whitey would approve.

Lilith, your clinic's on the phone.

I think there's an emergency
with one of your patients.

- You can use the phone in my office.
- Thank you.

We've got an 8:00 curtain.

Tell them to take two Thorazine
and call you in the morning.

- That'll be $7.50, Dr. Crane.
- Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, jeez, I've only got big bills.
Perhaps Lilith has some change.

- Oh, dear God.
- What? What is it?

Lilith is carrying
a dead rat in her purse.

Why would she be carrying
a dead rat in her purse?

Just a wild guess...

A snack?

This is not healthy at all.

My wife has gone
completely around the bend.

Perhaps I rushed her through
the grieving process too quickly.

Oh, the poor woman.

I dare you to look in the purse.

Dare me? Dare you.

Obviously, I've got to dispose of Whitey

and break this fixation, then deal
with the repercussions as they occur.

Yeah, I looked first.

I bet you won't kiss him.

You two are sick!

Oh, yeah, we've got a big problem.

Obviously, Lilith is having trouble

breaking this attachment on her own.

I've got to be the man
and handle this in a mature fashion.

- Is everything all right?
- Yes. It was a false alarm.

So, nothing was wrong?

No. One of my patients
set off a false alarm,

but he's a pyromaniac,
so for him, this is progress.

Oh, Lilith, darling, hello.
I've got your purse.

We don't have time
for drinks really.

The curtain's in 45 minutes.
You know I hate to be late.

Yes, it's one of your
more endearing compulsions.

By the way, there's something
we need to discuss.

You did what?!

Darling, I did what I had to do.

Shut up. Where is he?

Apparently, she's still grieving.

Well, 26 hours of eating clean.

And 26 hours of hearing about it.

Good morning there.
Did you sleep okay?

Not too well, Sam.

I'd have thought that that couch,

after all the acrobatics
you've done on it,

would have a little more give.

- I appreciate your hospitality.
- Any time.

I guess I ought to freshen up, huh?

Jesus, this is what it's come to...

Bedding down in a bar,

wearing the same clothes
for two days in a row.

The trick, Fras, is to take
your sport coat off like that

and stand directly
under the air conditioning duct

for about ten minutes.

Take it from me. If you do that,
you can go another couple days easy.

Are you saying that you sometimes

go for days at a time
in the same clothes?

You get a look
that works for you,

you stick with it.

Oh, Paul.

Why is she laughing?

Paul's not funny.

Does anyone know
what Paul does for a living?

After all, women are
attracted to power.

I think he's a toll-booth attendant.

Yeah, well, that would explain
the quarter tips.

I think I know what it is.

Paul's a real nice guy
and a good listener.

He probably shows genuine interest
in who she is as a person.

Probably treats her with respect.

If that's the case,
he's welcome to her.

Well, is there anything here
I can have for breakfast?

If you'd like something
that's tasty and nutritious,

you could spread
some of this bean curd

on these fiber-rich bran crackers.

I won't eat that crap.

Frasier, you're a doctor.

You should believe
in health and nutrition.

Doesn't mean I have to listen
to some tree-hugging,

dirt-munching Druid.

I'm sorry. I'm not exactly
what you'd call a morning person.

Dr. Crane, your wife called.
I didn't want to wake you.

Oh, she called to apologize?

Well, sort of.

She said for you to meet her
at Frederick's school.

- You have that interview.
- Oh, I completely forgot.

She also said to tell you
she knew you'd forget

because you're such
an uncaring human being.

But for once in your life,
think of your child.

Comb your few remaining hairs,

and wash that canned ham
you call a face, and get over there.

Hey, now that I reread this,

it sounds less and less
like an apology.

Sammy, can I have
a couple of coffees for me and Paula.

- Paul and Paula.
- Yeah.

Hey, Paul.

What?

No, the song... Hey, Paul.

Hey, what?

No. Wait a minute.

You never heard that old song
Hey, hey, Paul?

Hey, hey. Shut up.

No. No, come on, we're talking
about that song from the sixties

by Paul and Paula,

- "Hey, hey, Paula."
- What?

Nothing. Never mind.
Forget I brought it up.

This has been driving me crazy.
I got to know something.

- What, Sam?
- Well...

I'll try to put this
as delicately as I can

because you're my friend,
and I like you.

I don't want to insult you,

but why would any girl
be caught dead with you

when she could be with me?

You thought that would offend me.

I'm serious.

What did you do,
slip her a mickey or something?

Well, since you asked me
so nicely, Sam, I'll tell you.

Paula's what we like to refer to
as a chubby-chaser.

You're kidding.

You mean she likes to go out
with guys who are...

Who are...

Portly, Sam. The word is "portly."

Did you hear that?

She only goes out
with guys who are heavy.

Oh, you'd be surprised, Sam.
Women like the oddest things.

- Take me.
- Yeah? What do you like?

Nothing. Just take me.

This is driving me crazy. I gotta find...

Excuse me. Listen,

apparently you've been,
you know, shooting me down here

for the last couple of days
because of the way I look.

So?

I think it's unfair

that you're not willing
to get to know the real me.

I think if you did
we could be really good friends.

You want to be friends?

Yeah, I do.

Okay, well, maybe we could start

by you introducing me
to some of your friends,

especially that large
and lovely one right over there.

You mean Norm?

Yeah. He's a suitful, isn't he?

Oh, thank God.

I didn't miss the interview, did I?

Yes, you did. I've already had it.

They're outside
conferring about us now.

What did you tell them about me?

I described you in terms
which were positively glowing,

which is the way
I'd like to see you in hell.

So just remember,
when they come back in

to pretend that we love each other.

After that, I go right back
to loathing you.

I can't believe that you're willing
to destroy our marriage

all because of your childish refusal
to accept the death of an animal.

The very fact that you think
of Whitey as an animal

proves that we are
completely incompatible.

But he was an animal!

What... what was he,
a vegetable, a mineral?

Oh, I know. He was the CEO
of General Motors.

- I hate you.
- I hate you!

- Hello.
- Hello.

This is my husband,
Dr. Frasier Crane.

He's very sorry he's late,

but he's always
so busy helping people.

Pleased to meet you.

Won't you sit down?

We'd like to thank you
for taking the time

to come down here.

It's good to see parents
that care so much.

You know, a program like ours

requires as much
of the parents as the child.

We couldn't agree more. Right, dear?

Oh, absolutely, dear.

Unofficially, I think it's
a very good possibility

that we'll be able
to welcome Frederick

to the Magic Hours Learning Center.

Oh, that's wonderful news.

We couldn't be happier.

But before you leave,

would you like to see
something precious?

Our Sylvia just had babies.

Who's Sylvia?

The school's pet hamster.

Oh, look at that
little one in the corner.

He looks just like Whitey.

Who's Whitey?

Oh, he was my favorite dead rat

that this bastard took
and threw in the trash!

Don't mind her.
She's just overemotional

and crazy as a loon!

I supposed you'd like

to take one of these
and throw it in the garbage, too.

Why don't you just bite the heads
off these birds while you're at it,

Dr. Death?

I am not the one
who goes walking around

with a decomposing
corpse of a rat in my purse!

You are a hateful man.

And you are a troubled,
disturbed woman!

But a wonderful mother.

Well, we'll get back to you.

Well, Sam, I've done it.

Blighted my child's hopes
of ever getting an education.

Probably ruined my marriage as well.

I think my life is over.

Yeah, well, life's tough.

I just got shot down by a chick
who likes fat guys.

Oh, Rebecca, do you have
any more of those rice cakes?

- Why?
- You were right.

- They're the perfect food.
- Yeah. What's the gag?

No, I'm telling you, we've been
enjoying them all day, right?

- Really?
- Yeah.

That's neat. I'm glad
I could make you guys feel better.

Yeah, I got a whole new bag
of them right down here.

Great.

You guys are gonna feel
so much healthier

when you eat like this.
I'm not kidding.

You'll have a lot more energy,
your bodies will feel lighter,

your reflexes will be sharper...

Oh, our reflexes
are already much sharper.

Carla, pull!

Pull!

Frasier?

Frasier, I owe you an apology.

I haven't been myself
the past couple of days.

No, darling. I trivialized your grief.

A husband should be supportive, but...

Please, help me.

Help me. Meet me halfway.

Why were you carrying
a moribund rodent

in your evening bag?

I wasn't going
to take him on our date,

but I knew if left him at the lab,

they'd have given him
to the undergraduates to dissect.

I couldn't let that happen to Whitey.

I just wanted to give him
a decent burial.

I'm... I'm so sorry.

How could I have been so insensitive?

Of course, I overreacted,
but I think I know why.

I was confronted for the first time

with the death
of someone close to me.

I understand, dear.

That's what we call a crisis.

I know what we call it, Frasier.

The upshot is, I've never been
more acutely aware

of how precious and fragile
life is for each of us.

Darling, I think everyone would agree
that existence is tenuous at best.

Therefore, all we can do
is embrace life,

and you and I, we're so fortunate.

We... we have a baby,
the very symbol of life reborn.

Frasier, he's no longer a baby.
He'll be going to school in September.

Yes, if we can successfully negotiate
a preschool interview

without slipping into a scene
from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

But, darling, you're right.

Frederick is getting older.

You know, there is a way
we could renew ourselves yet again.

How would we do that?

We could have another child.

We could, couldn't we?
That's a wonderful idea.

Oh, Frasier, suddenly
I'm filled with a glow.

Let's start right now.

It's all so strange.

A seemingly insignificant
creature lives and dies...

My marriage is threatened.

My child's education
is almost destroyed.

Yet, somehow, some way...

I'm gettin' some action out of it.