All language subtitles for Cheers.S08E12.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Miss Howe,
can I have tomorrow off?

I pay you for 40 hours a week.
I expect 40 hours work.

Besides, I need you
to take me to go get my car

once it's finished being detailed.

What time will that be?

Right after my beauty shop appointment.

I'm getting cellophane highlights
put in my hair,

and then I'm gonna have
a manicure and a pedicure.

A pedicure?

Yeah. I have a date
with Robin tonight.

I might want to play footsie.

- All right, I can drive you.
- Good.

But after that,
if there's time, could I take off?

God, Woody,
what is so all-fired important

about your stupid life?

Well, I cook and deliver meals
to elderly shut-ins.

I normally do it on my day off,
but this week on my day off

I'm doing a Walkathon for illiteracy.

We're against it.

Well, then that would be all right.

Oh, Miss Howe. Wait.
I'm recycling glass bottles.

I want this world to be clean
for our children.

I mean, my children.
Or your children.

Or our children.

Seeing as how you've got a date
with someone else tonight,

it seems like a long shot.

Woody, you're so good,
and I'm so bad.

I feel guilty and ashamed.
I feel like killing myself.

Oh, I also volunteer
for a suicide hotline.

We do good things.

Sammy, blind me with your beauty.

What's with the fashion statement?

Well, I had to look good.
I had a meeting

over at corporation
about buying Cheers.

- How did it go?
- I talked them into it.

They're gonna
sell me the bar back.

Back in the saddle.

Well, I'm not out
of the woods yet, you know.

I've got to raise
a little bit more capital,

and I have to find myself
a few investors.

No, no, guys, whoa! Not you.

I'm talking about people
with real money.

What's the matter, Sam?

Our money's not good enough for you?

That's right.

Okay.

For a second there
I was offended, but I got over it.

So, Sammy,
how much cash do you need?

Well...

...in a word...

isn't that how many miles
it is to the Sun?

Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right.

Sammy, you can do it.

Yeah, right, no,
of course I can do it.

As a matter of fact, this morning,

I made a rather clever
investment of $1,000.

Way to be, Sammy.
That's using the old noggin.

Let that money work for you, pal.

- What did you invest in?
- This suit.

- Looks pretty good, doesn't it?
- Yeah.

I tell you, this jacket just
over Levi's alone is fabulous.

Well...

The notion of investing is sound.

In fact, I have $500
here, in my pocket,

that Lilith has entrusted me to invest

in a gilt-edged bond
for little Frederick's future.

So Lilith controls
the purse strings in your family?

Yes, with the eagle eye.
It's a good thing, too.

I mean, you know me,
left to my own devices,

wastrel that I am, I might blow
two bucks a week on a lousy beer.

Well, investing sounds good
on paper, Frase,

but the problem is with inflation.

When those bonds mature,
that money will be worthless.

So little Freddy
will lose money on the deal.

Oh, well, screw him.
It'll teach him life is real.

Hey, gang, look.
It's Gilligan and the millionaire.

Mr. Colcord, you're not supposed
to walk ahead of security.

It's all right. I know these people.

Wait for me outside.

One security guard... big deal.

Boys, rendezvous at the limo.

Twelve security guards... big deal.

- So, what's with all the G-men?
- Oh, it's nothing, really.

Don't be modest, Robin.

People want to kill him.

You're kidding me. Who?

I can't go into detail.
Let's just say that I'm involved

in delicate financial dealings
with some sensitive political areas.

Ah, a little arms trading there?

That's Cliff.

People want to kill him, too.

- Who's after you?
- Who isn't?

It's one of the drawbacks of wealth.

Oh, well, enough of this
assassination folderol.

Do you want to hear
something really exciting?

Robin took me to the harbor today
to see his new sailboat,

and as coincidence
would have it, it is called...

...the Rebecca.

You named your boat
after Miss Howe?

No, I christened her
long before I met Miss Howe.

In fact, I named her
for the biblical Rebecca.

But that's not all.

I had an aunt who was named
after the biblical Rebecca,

and I'm named after her.

And that isn't the end of it.

She was big as a boat
and old as the Bible.

Ah, yes, Rebecca...
wasn't that the maiden

King David spied
taking a bath in her birthday suit?

No, I think that was Bathsheba.

I think Rebecca is the one
who turned into a pillar of salt.

No, that was Lot's wife.

She didn't have
a name of her own.

What did Lot do with her
after she turned into salt?

Kept her by the pretzels, I bet.

Did they have pretzels
in biblical times?

Yeah. I think I just had one, too.

So, where's the boat now?

We just got Rebecca
out of dry dock,

scraping the barnacles
off her bottom.

Not one word.

You know, this is a bar.
I'm free to say whatever I want.

I'll give you five dollars.

Mum's the word.

Yes, I'm preparing to sail her

in the Cape Cod Regatta this afternoon.

Fast boat, huh?

Yes. You won't find one
faster than Rebecca.

Sir, this just came
over the fax in the limousine.

Damn it. My bauxite miners
are threatening me

with a wildcat strike at midnight

unless I negotiate
with them personally.

Bauxite, huh? That's the stuff

they make missile casings
out of, isn't it?

Don't cut this guy off in traffic.

Fax them I'm on my way,
and fill a briefcase full of cash.

Yes, sir.

Drat. There goes the race.

I spent all that time
cleaning Rebecca up,

and I can't get her
out of her slip.

That's worth ten bucks
if it's worth a nickel.

It's too bad you can't
enter that race.

I read here in the paper
the first prize is $10,000.

- It's up to $10,000?
- Yeah.

Gentlemen, in the time it takes me

to say $10,000, I make $10,000.

Oh, there I go again.

Look.

$10,000.

Yes, it also works if you say it.

Well, I'd better make some calls
and rattle some cages

before I go off to the mines.

Rebecca, is the phone
in your office tapped?

No.

Nothing she has
has been tapped for three years.

Sammy, why don't you
sail Robin's boat?

You could really use the money.

Yeah, I'm sure he's gonna
give his fancy boat

named after my fat aunt to you.

Well, you can ask him.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Of course, he'll probably laugh at me

and say, "Why should I
give you my boat?"

But then I could say,

"Well, it's a business deal,

and if I win, then you'll have
this beautiful trophy."

Yeah.

Of course then he'll probably
look at me and say,

"Why should I give a yutz
like you my fancy boat?"

Then I'd say, "Listen to me.
I happen to be a very good sailor.

As a matter of fact, in '83,
I came close to winning that race.

Where do you get off
calling me a yutz?

You don't even know me."

He'd probably say,
"I may not know you,

but I know your kind."

That would really tick me off.

I'd say, "I'll tell you something,

how about you just
step outside with me?"

I was thinking, Sam,
Rebecca tells me you're a sailor.

Why don't you race my boat?

- Oh, sure. Yeah, great.
- Good.

Hey, I happen to be
a very good sailor.

- Yes. Fine.
- And I'm not a yutz.

Good for you, Sam.

I'll call you later.

Sam, you can pick the keys up
at pier 17, in the yacht club.

And you'll need a crew.
Rebecca takes three men.

No, no.

Buy four, get one free.

Guys, how about this?

I'm going to be
in the Regatta this afternoon.

You just better
not do anything to that boat,

because Robin has promised me

that the two of us are gonna take
a cruise on the Rebecca

to the Virgin islands.

Wow! A boat and an island
named after you in the same day.

All right, I've got to get me
a crew here, don't I?

Well, say there, Carla,

you're used to being
around sailors, aren't you?

I'm with you, Sammy.
Anything to get this bar back.

All right, that's one.
One more to go here.

Come on, you were
in the coast guard, weren't you?

Right, Sam.

I'd go with you in a second
if it weren't for those horses.

- What horses?
- Wild ones.

They don't make 'em strong enough
to drag me on board a boat.

We'll be bringing a cooler of beer.

Come on!

All right!

Hey, I got my crew here.

All right, you guys,
I'm going to make a call

over to Gary's Old Town Tavern

to see if I can get
a little betting going on

with those pigeons
down there. Okay, so...

...what do you say,
$100 says we lose?

- Hey!
- Come on! Whoa!

All right, I'm sorry.
Five bucks says we win.

Hello, Gar? Cliff Clavin
over here at Cheers.

Hey, that's Mr. Weenie to you, pal.

Let's huddle up here, fellas.

Listen, we got to remember
something here now.

We can no longer think
of ourselves as three individuals.

We are three parts
of the same machine

working together.

Three people
with one single purpose.

Not to drown.

All right. All right.
Two single purposes,

not to drown and win the race.

Okay, what about
getting all wet and sick?

All right. Three single purposes.

How about buying the bar back?

All right, four.
Does anyone have any paper?

Guys, I struck a deal with Gary.

He says he'll give us
five to one odds

if we can come up
with $500 cash before the race.

Where in the hell
we gonna get $500 cash?

Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey.

Who in the world would carry
$500 in their pocket?

Yeah. Got any ideas there, Frase?

Let's see.

I find myself
in the horns of a dilemma.

Do I keep the money?
In which case you guys

would pants me and hang me
from the nearest flagpole.

Or do I give you the money?

In which case
my darling wife will see to it

that I don't need pants again.

No. It seems to me there's
only one decent thing to do.

Run like a jack rabbit!

Oh, no, Lilith.
No, you're mistaken.

You did not give me $500.

I mean, how would I forget
a thing like that?

Well, did you look
under all the sofa cushions?

How about behind your dresser?

Yes, well, keep on looking.

Maybe it's in your web.

Hey, guys, all sports is showing
Sammy's boat race.

...as they round the first buoy,
Orion is in the lead.

Mickey G is second

and Blue Horizon a close third.

Rebecca is trailing dead last.

Come on, Sammy!

Baby needs
a Bachelor of Arts degree!

Don't worry there, Frase.
Sammy's an experienced sailor.

Oh, yeah, once he whips
Carla and Norm

into an experienced, efficient crew,

he's gonna have that baby
sailing like a Swiss watch.

So you're telling me
I can kiss my $500 goodbye.

Pucker up, baby.

All right, guys, stand by!

Stand by on the mainsail!

Stand by to come about!

Hey, come on, guys.
What are you doing?

Standing by the cooler.
Can I get you anything?

Come on, this is your chance
to win back Sammy's bar here.

Come on, Sam,
we've lost the race,

gotten sick,
made fools of ourselves.

I say it's Miller time, pal.

Hey, what is that, quitter's talk?

If it's not, we'll think of some more.

Yeah, well, I'm not giving up.

How about another beer, Norm?

Yeah, coming up.

That's it for the cheap stuff.

See if Colcord keeps
anything in his fridge.

Oh, yeah. Break it out.

Bingo. All right.

Why would Colcord keep
a digital clock in his refrigerator?

That's weird.

Yeah. It has all these wires
coming out of it.

It's going backwards, too.

Does it have a snooze button?

No, it just has this thing
marked detonator.

Sam!

Sam!

What? I can't keep coming
down here every two seconds!

Come on, guys,
you should be up there.

We're all gonna be
up there in a second, Sam.

Over here, over there, everywhere.

- We're gonna be chum, pal.
- What are you talking about?

There's a bomb in the fridge.

What?

Oh, no!

Oh, boy.

Well, maybe it's...

...one of those devices

to keep you from raiding
the refrigerator, huh?

No. Trust me, Sammy.
I've seen them all.

All right, looks like we got
about 28 minutes there.

Let's not panic.

Let go. Don't touch me.

All right, okay, we'll just...

We'll call the coast guard
is what we'll do here.

They'll know what to do.

All right, just don't panic
here, don't panic.

Panic is our worst enemy.

Yeah, well, this bomb
is a close second, Sammy.

Mayday, mayday.

Damn, the thing doesn't seem
to be working here.

- Oh, God.
- Mayday...

Okay, well, there's
your problem there, Sammy.

Well, what do we do now, skipper?

I think we ought to
rely on an old skill

that I learned in the coast guard.

Radios, munitions...

No, no. Abandon ship!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

All right, careful, careful.

I got it. All right.

All right, what are
those fins out there?

- Sharks!
- Abandon water!

Oh, God.

Oh, hold it. Wait a minute.

How about this...

if one of us is willing
to go overboard

and create a diversion
for the sharks,

then maybe Sammy and I
could swim to safety.

I never liked you, Carla.

All right, all right.

Sammy, wait a minute.
What about your dinghy?

Yeah. That's what I'll miss
most of all.

Idiot! I mean the little boat
we can get away in.

Oh, yeah.
What am I thinking here?

All right, okay, here we go.

All right. How's it work?

Take it on deck
and you pull this cord.

No, not yet!

"Pull cord, you're going to die."

Oh, we're going to die!

We're going to die!

We're going to die!

Listen, listen, you guys, listen.

We've still got time here.
If you help me,

maybe we can sail this thing
to shore before it blows up.

- You really think we can do it?
- Yeah, yeah. You bet I do.

And if we don't,
we'll die trying. Come on.

Let's go for it, Sammy.

- Get this rope.
- I got it.

If I go, I'm not going alone.

- Were you scared, Sam?
- Are you kidding?

I saw my hair
pass before my eyes.

It was unbelievable.
I've never seen anything like it.

Really. We just barely made it
to this little inlet, right?

We jumped off the boat,
onto the beach.

We ran about 50 yards,

and this baby exploded
like a Roman candle.

I'm telling you, there were bits
of boat everywhere.

- Unbelievable.
- That is truly horrifying.

Yeah, how about this?

Is that where a piece
of boat hit you?

No, I ripped my thumb
on one of Colcord's beer.

Those imports don't have
twist-offs. It still smarts.

You know, something very similar

happened to me
about ten years go.

You see, my ma was making us
homemade bread in a Crockpot...

Wait, Cliff, unless that Crockpot
exploded in your face,

I don't want to hear about it, okay.
There's no comparison.

Well, suffice it to say,

that was the week
I started growing this mustache.

Well, it's closing time, guys.

Yep. I'm out of here.

I think me and my crew
are gonna hang out here

for a little while.

Listen, Frase, I'm sorry
about losing your $500 like that.

Hope Lilith doesn't give you
too tough a time.

Oh, you know, I paint
a pretty ugly picture

of Lilith once in a while,

but deep down, she's really
a good-hearted, forgiving person.

Well, give her my best
when you get home.

Home? Are you nuts?

I'm staying at the Sheraton
for a couple of weeks.

Well, guys, that's another half-hour
that we wouldn't have had

if we hadn't gotten off that boat.

I tell you, a brush with death
like that really changes you.

From now on, I'm really going
to appreciate beer.

I'll go get my coat.

I tell you what gets me.

We almost get killed
for this jerk Robin Colcord,

and he didn't call us,
didn't send us flowers, didn't fax.

- Not a word, no.
- I tell you something, that's the last time

I'm gonna almost
blow up for that guy.

Better call Vera, I suppose.

I'll bet she's worried sick.

Yeah, I tell you,
if I act upset enough,

I might be able to parlay this
into a poker weekend.

Ah, there you are, Sam.

Yeah, here I am.

I got back
from the union meeting.

I just now heard
about the explosion.

- Well, we're all okay.
- Yes, I can see that.

Now, would you sign
these release forms?

It's just a technicality
for my insurance department,

but it will protect you
from further hassles.

Release forms?

I mean, that's all you care about
is saving your butt.

You know, we went
through hell out there.

Yes, I'm sorry. I don't know
what I was thinking of.

Believe me, if I'd known there was
a bomb on board the boat,

I would never have let you near it.
I just admire your courage, and...

Will you let me do
something for you?

Now, Sam, how much
do you suppose your life is worth?

Would say $50,000?
Does that sound fair?

- What are you talking about?
- No, no, I've insulted you.

60,000... 50 in cash,
ten in stock options.

Come on, stop. Hey, stop that.

This is not about money.

This is about human life...
mine and my friends.

You know, you may not
understand this,

but some things you can't buy.

There are some things
more precious than money,

human life and a little
simple human dignity.

Yes, obviously
you're still hysterical, Sam.

No, I'm not.
I'll tell you something,

why don't you
just take your checkbook

and drop it down
your bauxite mine.

My life's worth more than money.

Sam, if you're trying to haggle...

No, I'm not. I don't want
your money, okay?

I just want a little simple apology
and a little concern for all of us.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Okay, I'm sorry.

How are you?

- Okay.
- Not too bad.

Yes, well, I'm off.

You believe that? Rich people.

We almost died for him
and he thinks he can spread

a little money around
and make it all right.

Yeah. Rich people are sick.

I'm glad he didn't mention
that when I was here.

I would have taken a poke at him.

Yeah, well, I said it for us all.

I told him what to do
with his check.

- We're with you, Sam.
- Can you believe that?

Thinking he can come in here

and buy the three of us
for a measly $60,000.

- Abandon Sammy!
- Hey, Robin!

Abandon Sammy!