All language subtitles for Cheers.S07E21.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Hey, everybody,

I have a great new way
to promote the bar.

No!

No, you're going
to like this one. It's different.

It not only demonstrates
social concern,

but it is also contemporary and hip.

Now, Cheers is the bar that cares.

Therefore, if you are not in condition
to drive yourself home,

we will appoint a designated driver

- free of charge.
- That's nice.

So, is anybody a little tipsy?

Come on. Don't be ashamed.

Does anybody feel
that they might have

the slightest difficulty
driving themselves home?

I might.

Well, hi. I'm Rebecca Howe,

and I would be happy
to drive you home myself.

That's very nice of you.

- Where do you live?
- Philadelphia.

Well, what's your address?

Oh, it's a blue house.
I'll know it when I see it.

Frasier, it's time to take mother
to her hair appointment.

Well, then I'd better hurry up

before they run out
of her special shade of blue.

Frasier, how many times
have mother and I asked you

to cease and desist

with the snide, cliché,
battle-ax mother-in-law jokes?

You know mother's not like that.

You're right, dear. I'm sorry.

I was just trying
to amuse my friends.

Jeez, it wasn't very funny.

You know what was funny,

when you said you could hear
her perfume coming a mile away.

Oh, and when you said
she's had so many facelifts,

if she wants to smile,
she has to cross her legs.

Lilith, you understand
it was all in good humor?

Of course.

You know I have
a sense of humor about mother.

Now say goodbye to your friends.
You're grounded for six weeks.

Shoot.

- Hey, Sam.
- Hey, Woody, what's new?

Well, nothing much.

Oh, your car alarm's going off.

What? Someone's breaking in my car,

and you don't run
in here to tell me?

We're not talking
about any car here, man.

We're talking about my 'Vette.
It's a classic. It's irreplaceable.

Hey, why don't you
come in and sit down?

Sam, what about your alarm?

Well, you're taking care
of that, Woody, aren't you?

I was?

God, I must be off
in another world.

Sammy's done it again.

How come he always spots
the gorgeous ones first?

Cause he doesn't spend all his time
peeling dead skin off his elbows.

What, are you going
to do it for me?

So, how can I help you?

I'm looking for Becky Howe.

Well, Becky will be here in a minute.

In the meantime,
can I interest you

in a Sam Malone?

No, thanks, but I will have
a Perrier with lime.

Oh. Sworn off the hard stuff, huh?

Yeah, coming right up.

Sam, it was nothing.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, listen, you know that girl
you were talking to?

Yeah.

I swear, I've seen her
someplace before.

She asked for Rebecca
and called her Becky.

They must be old friends.

That could explain a lot.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, figure it out.
Rebecca doesn't date,

suddenly has
this good-looking "friend" show up...

A slender, boyish female friend

with whom she probably
sunbathed nude somewhere,

perhaps on the isle of Lesbos.

Did they ever get that test back
on that dog that bit you?

So, where do you know Becky from?

She's my sister. I'm Susan Howe.

You're sisters?
Well, of course.

God, I love sisters.
I love the whole idea of sisters.

Well, any sister of Rebecca's...

Are there any more of you?

Afraid not.

Oh, no. You're more than enough.

Sam, come here.

- I got to tell you something.
- What?

I just remembered who she is.
That's Susan Howe.

I know. She's Rebecca's sister.

No, the actress. I saw her
in Night of the Mutants.

Was that a movie
or your family reunion?

Movie, Carla.

I don't remember
Rebecca saying anything

about having a sister
who's in a horror movie.

Are you sure about that?

Let me check.

Yeah...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

If she had another smaller head
growing out of her neck, I'd be positive.

I got to check this out.

Ask her if they let her keep
the little head.

Sorry about that. Bar business.

So, what brings you to Boston?

I'm shooting a bank commercial.

Oh, I was right.

You are Susan Howe the actress.

I loved you
in that two-headed movie.

Oh, which one?
I did two of them.

Was it the one where the head
was coming out of my neck?

- Yeah, that's the one.
- Oh, thank goodness,

because the other one
I am not proud of.

Well, so, you're...

You're here to see Becky, huh?

How long has it been
since the two of you saw each other?

It must be three years.
We had a little falling-out.

I only hope we're grown-up enough now
to kiss and make up.

Grown-up sisters
kissing and making up,

God, that warms my cockles.

Let's get you two gals
back together, shall we?

Will you excuse me
just a minute here?

So, what's the bone, Jerome?

Any late-breaking bulletins here?

Oh, yeah. I think
I'm onto something here, fellas.

Carla, you hate
your sister, don't you?

Sure, why?

Well, what would I have to do

to get the two of you back together?

Simple, Sam.

Ask me to come down
and identify her body.

She's missing the point.

Can you imagine
what the reward might be

for anybody who would act
as a peacemaker

between these two
tragically estranged,

but perky-bottomed sisters?

To Sammy,

the man who keeps the dream alive.

Wait a minute.

What makes you think
you can get the both of them?

It's taken you two years

to get a polite kick in the teeth
from number one.

Carla, Carla, Carla,

am I going to have
to teach you about women?

Yeah, Cliff, why don't you?

You'd better take this one, Sammy.

I don't want to hog the spotlight.

Carla...

I know you don't have
a lot of experience with this,

but sometimes
women get really happy,

and when that happens...

...they get all emotional
and vulnerable,

and that's when it's time
for a fellow like me

who's very sensitive and caring

to move in and give
new meaning to the words

"triple-decker sammich."

Hey!

Hey!

So, Cliff, tell me
more about women.

Well, all right, they're...

They're warm and soft, and...

...when they wash their cars,

they're dressed
in nothing but suds,

a suntan, and a cowboy hat.

Sorry, I must've
drifted away there for a second.

So...

Oh, wait. I got a surprise for you.

Sam, move your hand.
Your cologne is stinging my eyes.

Come here. There's someone
waiting to see you.

You're never going
to guess who it is. Careful.

You are going to love this.

Susan.

- What are you doing here?
- I wanted to see you.

- Well, now you've seen me.
- Yep, there you are.

Boy, oh, boy,
is this a moment.

Yeah. I was here on a job,

and I thought
I'd drop in and say hello.

Hello.

Goodbye.

Fine. I tried.
You're obviously not interested.

- Obviously.
- Wait a minute.

Hold! Come back here.

Listen, you know
what's happening here?

You're both so excited
to see each other

that you're getting
all tensed up here.

I think what we need to do
is put ourselves

into a little bit
of a more relaxed situation.

I know this hot tub club
where we can get group rates.

I'm kidding.
I'm kidding about that.

What we should do
is we should go upstairs,

and we should
have lunch at Melville's.

Just the three of us.
What do you say?

My treat.

I did come here to make up.

I did skip breakfast.

All right. That's the spirit.

Family. That's what made
this country great.

Come on.

Sam, why are you so desperate
to see my sister and I make up?

I mean, what is it to you?

Is this another stupid ploy
to get me into bed?

Oh, come on, Rebecca,
don't be ridiculous.

I'm thinking of both of you.

This is nice.

Rebecca, I can't finish my fillet.
Do you want the rest?

Why? Do you want me to get fat?

Oh, come on. You have not been fat
since you were 12 years old.

Of course, you were
the Goodyear blimp then.

At least, when I gave
my "I am an American" speech

at the Flag Day Assembly,
I did not wet myself.

- Rebecca, I was six.
- But she did, Sam. She did.

- Shut up.
- You shut up.

- You shut up.
- No, you.

Shut up!

This is nice.

I really don't think
this was such a good idea, Sam.

And I hope you'll excuse me, Susan,
if I don't clean your table scraps.

Wait a minute.
Sit down, will you?

Girls, girls, girls,

what is the big problem
between you two, anyway?

Sam, it is one of those
complicated issues

that you can't just pin down
into one certain thing.

Well, try.

All right. Dan Buttinger...

Mike Dietz, Jeff Carnahan,

Ron Allen, Steve Melman,

Terry Tobin, Clay Fisher...

Wait a minute.
Does this have anything

to do with boy trouble?

Yes.

The trouble is she can't keep
her hands off my boys.

If it bothered you that much,
why didn't you just take them back?

Because I didn't want
to stoop to your level.

Besides, I tried,
and it didn't work.

Look, the point is that was back
when we were kids.

A million things have changed.

No. The fact still remains

that every time
I am attracted to a guy,

you are on him
like white on rice.

So excuse me
if I don't leap over there

and say, forgive me, please,

for breaking my heart
over and over and over.

Excuse me. I have to get
out of here. I have work to do.

Sam, I'm sorry
you had to see that.

Well, that's okay.

I don't think it was fair

for Rebecca to say
that you tried to steal

every guy she ever
got interested in,

but I'm warning
you right now, missy,

you better not try that with me.

Oh. Rebecca's interested in you?

You kidding me?
She's got a big old crush on me.

Well, I'm glad to see
she hasn't lost her good taste.

Well, that's very sweet
of you to say that.

More wine?

This is nice.
This is very nice.

I snuck out of the house,

so don't tell Lilith.

Where's Sam?

He'll be here any minute.
He's still up having lunch

with Miss Howe's sister, Miss Howe.

Oh, you mean Rebecca's
sister's in town?

Susan Howe, the movie star.

You mean the Susan Howe,
the star of Night of the Mutants?

You saw it?

Well, yes. Lilith and I
rented it last week.

Oh, really? You two don't seem
like the slasher movie types.

Oh, well, purely
for scientific purposes, of course,

but, this may surprise you,
I rather enjoyed it.

See, I think films with scenes

of graphic disembowelment
and mutilation

can, in some cases,
help people to, well, release

some of the fears
and aggressions of modern society.

Also, it's the first time

Lilith's mother went home
before 9:00... screaming.

Hey, everybody.

Oh, Miss Howe,

I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.

My wife and I rented your film
Night of the Mutants, last week,

and I was wondering,
could I have your autograph?

- Sure.
- Thank you.

I tell you what,
just make it out to...

...Mother Sternin.

And say, if you would,

"I know where you live,

and I'm going to get you."

Hey, Sammy, what's the skinny?

Yeah, what's the score... 2-1?

Guys, I know I've accomplished

some truly legendary feats in my day,

but this, this is my masterpiece.

This is my "Moaning Lisa."

Right.

Okay, tell me, what's the plan,
and how are we involved?

Well, here it is. You're not.

It turns out

that these two sisters
are very competitive,

especially when it comes to guys,

so all I had to do
was let the little one know

that the big one
had the hots for me,

and bingo, she was
eating out of my hand.

Was she wearing a cowboy hat?

Figure of speech, Cliff ie.

Well, she could have been.

What I need to do now
is make sure

that the big one knows
the little one is interested,

and I will be ping-ponging
between the two of them

until they bury me
with a smile on my face.

No. Please stop!
I'm too young to die!

Perfect!

Thanks. You guys are
a great audience.

What did I miss?

Have you had her
scream for you, Sam?

Later, Woody. Later.

Okay, let's see. The plan is
that I meet you back here

at closing time, right?

Yeah, can't wait.

See you then.

Oh, boy.

It's not fair.

All the chicks in that family
are loaded with great faces, hair, bods.

What did my family get?

Look at the bright side, Carla.

Probably takes them hours
to get ready every morning,

whereas you look the same
with or without make-up,

and your hair practically combs itself.

Thanks, Woody.

Never hurts to spread
a little sunshine.

- Hi.
- Hi.

So what is it?

Well, I don't want
to get in the middle

of a family squabble,

but your sister
just asked me out.

- She what?
- Yeah.

Is that the craziest thing or what?

She obviously thinks
that I'm attracted to you.

Oh, come on,
why would she think that?

I don't know.
Did you say something?

Me? Come on,
what would I have to gain

by saying something like that?

Man, this makes me so furious.

She comes in here
and she says that she's sorry

and she wants to make up for it,

and then the second
my back is turned,

she comes on to the guy
she thinks is my boyfriend.

If there was just
something you could do

to get back at her.

What could we do?

Did you say
that you'd go out with her?

Yeah, but I could
kick myself for that.

That was perfect.
Sit down here a second.

You know how
you've always wanted

- to go out with me?
- Yeah.

Well, now your wish
is going to come true.

You break that date with my sister,
and I will go out with you.

That is vicious,
but she asked for it.

- And, Sam...
- Yeah?

Thank you.

You kidding me? Come on.
What are friends for?

Well, fellas,

at this very moment,
Rebecca Howe is in her house

spending two hours
getting into an outfit

she's going to spend
two minutes getting out of.

What are you gonna do
about that sister?

Oh, I already made a phone call
and postponed our date.

Oh, you going
to take her out tomorrow night?

No. I'm going to take her out
in a couple hours.

- Hey, hey.
- No, don't worry.

We'll be back here in the morning
for our usual debriefing.

By that time, I'll be able
to compare and contrast them.

And that's when this stuff
gets really interesting.

- Sammy...
- Yeah?

Sorry I was a little hard
on you before, but, you know,

I was just trying
to make you reach,

push out the edges
of the envelope.

We're all proud of you, Sammy.

God bless you
on this night, Sam Malone.

Oh, at last...

Susan.

Oh, Sam, I know
you put off our date,

but I just couldn't wait to see you.

You're all I've been
thinking about today.

Is there someplace private
we can go for a few minutes

where I can touch you
and hold you?

Usually I go for this stuff
in a big way, but, at the moment,

I'm in a little bit of a time jam.

Oh, I'm so in the mood.

And I am so good
when I am in the mood.

Would you excuse me a second?

I've got to make
a quick phone call.

I'll be right back.

Come on, Rebecca,
pick up, please.

Pick up, pick up, pick up.

As long as you're not going
to be talking with those lips...

Sam, I'm ready for our date.

Susan!

Rebecca, I can explain this, wait.

My finger's caught in your bra.

Listen.

You don't owe me an explanation.

It's Susan.

It's always been Susan.

My entire life,
it has been Susan.

I'm glad you saw us.
You deserve to be hurt.

Oh, no, sister,
I don't hurt anymore.

I'm way beyond hurt.

Don't be silly, now, girls. Please.

And now it is
Susan Howe's turn to hurt.

Hey. That's a gun.

- It ain't licorice.
- Now, come on.

Let's talk about this.

- This is silly. This...
- No, please.

- I'm too young to die!
- Rebecca.

Holy cow!

That was for Dan Buttinger.

And this is for Jeff Carnahan.

And Mike Dietz.

And Sam Malone.

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

- What did you...
- What is it, Sam?

What, because I killed my sister?

I didn't mean to do that, anyway.
Oh, well. It's done.

All right, we got
to get this body out of here.

- What?
- You got to help me, Sam.

Come on. Take hold of her.

Everybody does
at least one bad thing in their life.

Sam, take her hands!

There. All right.

Now, make sure nobody sees us.

Stop being a baby!

- Oh, boy.
- Just...

- Oh, boy.
- Move.

Sammy!

She did it.

Boy, Sammy, when you said
you were going to knock 'em off

one at a time, you were serious.

Oh no. You don't understand.

- I mean, she's really...
- I'm dead.

That wasn't funny.

That wasn't funny.

That's the kind of thing
that could, you know,

give somebody
serious mental damage.

- Am I right, Lilith?
- No. It was funny, Sam.

Susan, Susan.
You were so good.

Wasn't Susan good?

You were pretty good yourself.

Sam, are you all right?

I'm hurt.

I'm hurt, and I'm offended,

and, quite frankly, I can't believe
that you two would think

this is some sort of silly joke.

Am I right, Norm?

I'm never going to speak
to either one of you again.

Oh, Sam, that's really too bad
because, you know, in a way,

fending off your stupid advances

brought Susan and I back together.

We haven't been this close
since we were kids.

We're grateful.

How grateful?