All language subtitles for Cheers.S07E20.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

Say, aren't you Sam Malone?

Guilty as charged.

Small world.

Marge Thornhill here.
Don't you remember me?

Boy, you know,
I can't quite place the face.

Where did we meet?

We didn't actually meet,
but I know you remember me.

I went to every home game
you ever played.

Marge, there are a lot of people
up in the stands there.

Sure, but you got
to remember me.

I always sat
right behind first base,

five rows up. Remember?

I used to get there early

so I could watch you
warm up in the bullpen.

I'm sorry.

I know. You couldn't forget this.

Hey, Malone!
You pitch like my sister!

Why don't you go home
and make a dress?

Was that you?

Well, how have you been?
Guys, I want you...

Do the one where you say
I couldn't get the ball

across the plate
if I drove it there in my car.

No, no. That was then,
and this is now.

By the way, I'm really sorry
for all those shots

I gave you over the years.
No hard feelings?

No. Of course not.
It's all part of the game.

You're a real sport, Malone.

You call this a martini?

What did you use
for vermouth, turpentine?

The great ones never lose it.

All right. I got it.

Worst possible way to die?

Being eaten alive by rats.

No. I think I can do
better than that.

I'd say the worst way to die

is to be sliding down
a razor banister, okay,

a greased razor banister.

Wait! I've got it.

To die alone, knowing
that you have never been loved.

Come on, Frasier. if you're not
even gonna try... Come on.

Carla, what are you
all decked out for?

It's my second wedding anniversary.

Oh, things are going okay
with you and Eddie?

Just last week,
you were calling him

a dent-nosed,
toothless little frog.

Pillow talk.

Well, actually,
I was a little upset there

about the fact
that he's been on the road

with the ice show
for a month now

and I haven't gotten
so much as a phone call.

But this morning,
I suddenly realized

what he was doing.

Treating you like crap?

No.

No, that's what
he wants me to think.

It's his way of setting up
the surprise.

So you figure he's been neglecting you
just to set you up.

It's got to be that.
I know this man.

Woody, what time is it?

Don't go by my watch.

I always set it ten minutes ahead
so I won't be late for things.

You were late this morning.

Yeah. I know.
I couldn't find my watch.

It's 6:30, Carla.

Well, he's still got five and a half
more hours till midnight.

He's really cutting it close,

but it will make it all the sweeter
when it happens.

Yeah. Anniversaries can be just great.

I'll never forget
my first anniversary with Vera.

Yeah. We...

Oh, my God, I did forget it.

Anybody know where I can get
a 17-year-old box of candy?

Frasier, my faun,
I deserve a treat.

Today, my bellybutton turned
from an innie to an outie.

Well, this is news.

Norm, we have a few things
we'd like to ask you about.

Oh, great.
Must be pretty important

if you're willing
to buy me a free drink.

Of course we will.

A drink for Norm.

What do you drink?

What's so funny?

It's just that everyone knows
Norm always drinks beer, dear.

Ah. That is hysterical.

Anyway,

Lilith and I have been talking,
and we decided

that we would like you
to decorate our unborn child's room.

All right. Sure. I can do that.

I just did a nursery
for my sister-in-law.

I went with gummy bears rampant

- in a field of smurfs.
- No, no, no.

We'd like to stay away
from that cutsie-ootsie drivel

that retards the child's creative
and intellectual development.

All right. Do we know
if it's gonna be a boy or a girl?

We are not going to cram sexual identity
down our baby's throat.

So, naturally,

the room should be sexually neutral.

Great. Fine. I can do that.
When I'm finished,

your kid won't have a clue
what sex it is.

Hey, everybody! Listen up.

We only got a few minutes
to the game here.

Who wants in
on the basketball pool?

- I'm in.
- Put me down.

There you go, gentlemen.

Woody, how about you?

I don't know, Sam. I don't like
playing games for money.

You end up either losing money
or taking it from friends.

No, Woody.
This is just a game, man.

You know, five bucks a square.

You got four quarters,
four chances to win.

I don't know. I don't like
taking money from my friends.

Go ahead, Woody.

Nobody here gives a hoot
about you anyway.

Okay. Great.

Don't forget your money.

This isn't gambling, is it?

- Gambling?
- Sam, we have had

this talk before.
I can get closed down.

This? Oh, no. Thanks.

This is not gambling. This is...

Well, this is a game.

Haven't you ever heard
of championship tic-tac-toe?

It's a great game.

- Who's next here?
- Me.

- All righty.
- It's my turn,

and I will take this square here,

and, oh, by the way, Sam,

here's that five bucks I owe you.

Well, Normie, you fell right
into my trap there, buddy.

Here you go.

Sammy, by the way,

this slipped out of your wallet,
couple weeks ago.

How stupid do you think I am?

I know exactly
what's going on here.

Come on.
What's the big deal?

It's just a friendly
little game of wagering.

It's a simple $500 pot.

I can't believe you people.
Do you really think

you're gonna get something
for nothing?

Do you know how long
it takes me to earn $500?

Give me three squares.

Guys, get a load
of that guy over there

with the fake beard
and the dark glasses.

Does that look
like somebody I'm married to

in a special anniversary disguise?

Well, two can play
at the surprise game.

Your beard might be phony,

but I know something
about you that's real.

Wait a minute.
You're not Eddie.

But you're not bad.

Where is Eddie?

Why haven't I heard from him?

It's dear to see Carla
so concerned about her mate.

Remember when you gave
that lecture in New York?

In a fit of whimsy,
I flew in to surprise you.

It was hardly a surprise.

We booked those reservations
three weeks in advance.

So you were in on it.

Still, it was a wacky thing to do.

Hey, Sam!

End of the first quarter.

Oh! What's the score here?

26-25, Boston.

Let's see, the winner is...

...Woody.

What a shame.
You know how he feels

about taking any
of his friends' money here.

You think you can
talk him into it?

Yeah. I'll give it a try here.

Hey, Woodrow,
you won the first pot.

How much did I win?

$125.

Yes! Come to papa!

You suckers!

I'm in the money

I'm in the money

Maybe we could force him to take it.

Come here. Woody,
listen to me for a minute.

I don't want to put down
your good time here.

Listen to me.

It's kind of a tradition
amongst gamblers,

especially gamblers
who want to stay alive...

...that you don't dance
and wave money around

in front of people
you just won it from.

Can I sing?

No, you can't sing.

I guess it would be out of line
to chant "In your face, in your face"?

- Evening, everybody.
- Norm!

What's going on,
Mr. Peterson?

A flashing sign
in my gut that says

"insert beer here."

Oh, Norm?

My clients.

Guys, I've devised
a color scheme for the nursery,

but I have to warn you,
it's a bit drab.

Good.

I will not have
our child emotionally attached

to cartoon mice
and teddy bears.

No. Our child will receive affection
from parental embraces

administered at generously
scheduled intervals.

I'll bet he comes back one day
to thank you for that,

probably while you're sleeping.
You won't feel a thing.

Okay. 46 to 55. That's the half.

Let's see.

Clear the dance floor.

Woody won again.

Thanks.

"Thanks"?

That's all you're going
to say? "Thanks"?

Well, sure.

Oh, wait a minute. Listen.

The only thing that people
hate worse than a guy who gloats

is a guy who stands there smug

when they know
that he's gloating on the inside.

If you're going to dance,
for God's sake, dance.

I don't want to dance, you guys.

I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

I just want to sit here quietly
and count my bucks.

Let's see, that would be five...

...ten...

...15...

Wait. There's
something written on this five.

Oh, that'd be mine. Here.
Let me give you a clean one.

- I'll take that back.
- I don't mind.

It's all right. You get ink
all over your fingers.

Let's see what it says.

"Happy 30th birthday, Cliff ie-bits.

Sorry I didn't have time to shop.

Love, Ma."

You've been carrying around
a gift from your mother for ten years?

No, Sammy. The post office
just delivered it yesterday.

Yeah, very funny.

You're just jealous
because I've got a ma

who sends me five bucks
on my birthday, and you don't.

What are you talking about?

Your ma sends me
money all the time, Cliff.

I got one right here, actually.

"Dearest Norm,
thanks for hanging out

with my dorky son.

You're a saint.
Love, Ma Clavin.

P.S. I'm writing this in the nude."

My ma didn't write that!
My ma's never been nude in her life!

I got some flowers here
for a Carla LeBec.

Oh, yes! Let the present parade begin.

I wonder what Eddie's plan is?

Flowers every hour?

Or maybe the presents are just
gonna get bigger and bigger

as the night goes on.

I'll tell you, I wouldn't be surprised
if I left here tonight

with an electric fondue set.

Yes!

"Happy second anniversary,

Your loving husband,
Edward LeBec."

What a guy.

Yeah, boy, that's really sweet, Carla.

Nice flowers, too.

I hear that keeps them fresh longer.

Hey! Where you going?
What is that about?

Those flowers weren't from Eddie.

What are you talking about?

His real name isn't Edward. It's Guy.

- What?
- G-U-Y. Guy.

People just call him Eddie
because it's too weenie to say Guy.

All right, which one
of you dirt bags

sent those gorgeous flowers?

Hey, come on.
We didn't send those.

You know, I'll bet you Eddie spent
about $50 for those flowers.

50? You told me
it was going to be 35.

Oh, God! I don't believe
that you guys don't think

Eddie's gonna come through.

I'll tell you, I got faith in Eddie.

He's the best husband
in the whole world,

and he's going
to come through. You'll see.

She's right, you know.

Yeah. Seeing a wife stand up
for her husband like that

makes me realize
what I have at home.

Guess that's kind of why I'm here.

Yeah. Two dozen, long-stemmed,

and make the card out "To Carla,

with all my love, Guy."

Yeah. Guy, as in "geek."

Well, Carla, it's midnight.

Anniversary's over.

No, Sam. It's over here.

Where Eddie is, it's still going on.
He's got almost three hours left.

Carla LeBec?

Flowers.

There you go.

Aren't you a little old
for a delivery boy?

It's my father's night off.

Hey, wow!

Thank you.

Does anybody know
who these are from

and who they're for?

Cliff's mom? For me?

No. They're from Eddie LeBec

for me for our anniversary.

Now are you guys satisfied,
or would you like to sit on these?

- Boy, that's love for you.
- Yeah, really.

I got a tear in my eye.

Yeah? You're gonna have
this in your eye

if you don't lay off my mom!

Oh, Carla, those are gorgeous.

Who sent them?

Who do you think?

Oh, isn't Eddie sweet?

Oh, why can't
more men send flowers?

I didn't know
Mormons couldn't send flowers.

I said "more men," not "Mormons."

I know they can't dance.

No, Sammy, that's the Amish.

Why can't Mormons send flowers?

- They can.
- Then what are you talking about?

I just wish someone
would send me some damn roses.

Why does it have
to be a Mormon?

Oh, God!

Cheers.

Some people you just
can't discuss religion with.

Carla, that was your florist.

They didn't accept
your credit card for the flowers.

You got to bring them cash.

Okay, Eddie didn't send the flowers.

I sent them to myself.

I just figured that

when he did do
his wonderful surprise,

it might be later,
and you guys might miss it,

so just get off my case!
It's going to happen, okay?

There is one bright side to all this.

- Yeah? What's that?
- You're gonna have

the sweetest-smelling garbage
on the block.

Sammy, that's the end
of that game.

- Who's the winner?
- Oh, dear. Guess who.

Yes! Again!

A clean sweep
for the board machine!

All four quarters are mine.

Hey, here's three bucks.
go buy yourselves some luck.

I'm sorry, Woody,
but you're wrong.

Rebecca won.

What?

Well, I hope you learn
from my example.

I'm going to show you
how a really gracious winner behaves.

Read 'em and weep, farm boy!

Excuse me, miss.

Yes, sir?

I'm Detective McGuiness,
Boston Police Department.

I'm off duty here,
but for your sake,

I really hope there isn't
any gambling going on here.

Gambling?

No, sir.

I earned this money.

I'm a prostitute.

That isn't better, is it?

No. This is just a little joke.
We play a little game here,

but we never play for keepsies.

See? I take the money in,
and I give the money back like this.

Give this back to me later.

- I'll get it!
- Give that back.

Cheers.

Yeah?

Great! Great!

That was Serafina.

Anthony's on his way
over here with a package

for me from Eddie right now.

Hey, good for you.

That's him! That's Anthony
with my present.

Woody.

- Why didn't he come in?
- No brakes in the car.

- How does he stop?
- He either swerves into hedges

or he coasts around the block

until he can stop
the car with his foot.

Oh, man, this is
going to be good.

Laundry?

He sends you his laundry?

Well, yeah, once a month,

but this has got to be
some kind of joke.

He wouldn't send it
on our anniversary.

There's got to be a present
packed in here, right?

Oh, that Eddie. What a guy,

packing a present
in some laundry.

It's got to be
in here somewhere.

It's got to be in here.

Guess I was wrong.

What are you all looking at?

What are you avoiding looking at?

I know what you guys think.

You think he forgot.

You think my marriage
is in big trouble,

and Eddie's turning
into my typical creep husband.

Well, it's not true, so just
go back to your stupid lives.

Norm, order a beer.

Clavin, bore us.

Oh, Woody, why don't you tell us

about how another one
of your relatives

lost a body part
in some farm equipment?

Did I ever tell you
about my aunt Lefty?

Shut up!

Just go on back
to your sad, pathetic lives.

Me, I'm going home.

I'm going to go sit in a dark room
and have some fun.

Putting on a Gene Pitney record

and I'm gonna slice Eddie's face
out of every picture in the house.

Hey, how you doing?

No. I don't think she can come
to the phone, Eddie.

- She has plans for the evening.
- Give me that phone!

Is this really Eddie?

Sure, it's me, babe.

Listen, honey, I'm sorry
I couldn't come home.

I wanted to make
last year's celebration look sick.

I already got my plane ticket,
I'm at the airport, and everything.

And they call me
back to rehearsal.

They changed the whole script
in the ice show.

They've taken all the humanity
out of the big bad wolf,

and the three little pigs think
they're God's gift to ice.

I really don't want
to talk about it.

Eddie, when am I going
to see you again?

Gee, I guess in a couple of months.

A couple of months?

Listen, honey, I got to go.

The bus is about to leave for Yakima,
and if I don't make it quick,

the pigs will grab
all the good seats.

Hey, Eddie, I love you.

I love you, too, sweetie. Bye.

Hey, everybody, listen up!

I want you all
to repeat after me.

I am a very stupid person.

I am a very stupid person.

And I will never doubt

the undying love
and total commitment

that exists, always has existed,

and always will exist

between Carla and Eddie LeBec.

I am a very stupid person.

Close enough.

Well,

turns out the only reason

he didn't surprise me
was he had to rehearse.

That ought to show
you mo-mos a lesson.

Well, that was Eddie on the phone.

Hey.

Isn't that just the nicest,
sweetest thing for Eddie to remember?

- Yeah, Carla, it sure was.
- Yeah.

You called to remind him,
didn't you, rat lips?

How could I?

I don't even know where he is.

Sammy, I'm gonna ask you again,
and I'm warning you...

Don't back up. I'm not gonna
hurt you, you wimp.

All right.

The women in my family
for generations

have had absolutely no talents
or gifts but one...

We can make up any curse
and make it stick. Okay?

Now, tell me the truth,

or my curse on you
is going to be...

Let me think of a good one here.

No. Not the hair.
Anything but the hair.

Okay, okay.

Your eyes...

Oh, no. Wait a minute. I got it.

Your tongue is going
to swell up so big,

you're gonna have to buy
a seat on the plane for it.

- Carla, this is ridiculous...
- Sammy, you know I can do it.

Now look into my eyes
and tell me the truth.

Did you call Eddie

and remind him
about our anniversary?

No, Carla, I didn't.

Okay...

But you and your tongue
better be telling the truth.

Family curse.

How gullible does she think I am?

Oh, no.

No.

Carla! Carla!

What?

Nothing.