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1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,338
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:05,839
All right,
I'm going to say it
3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,633
and I don't care
who knows it.
4
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,426
Ever since Reagan
left the White House,
5
00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,261
this country's gone
to heck in a handcart.
6
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:14,640
Here we go.
7
00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:16,517
Heads.
8
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,685
- Ha ha.
- Damn.
9
00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,189
All right, Cliff,
seeing as how I'm your best friend,
10
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,900
I guess you better tell me
what the problem is.
11
00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:27,444
You're only asking me
because you lost the toss.
12
00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:28,820
No. He's only your best friend
13
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,697
because he lost the toss.
14
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:34,284
Fine. Yeah.
Go ahead and laugh.
15
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,995
Look. We'll see how funny
you think this is.
16
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:42,334
As you may have guessed,
this is a hybrid cross
17
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:43,877
between a rutabaga
and a beet.
18
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,297
What are we calling it?
19
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:48,340
Beetabaga.
20
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:52,511
Cliff ie...
21
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,346
I don't want to poke
holes in this thing,
22
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:58,725
or even touch it, actually,
but, really, I mean,
23
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,228
how useful do you think
this is going to be?
24
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,896
You kidding, Norm?
25
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,189
This is the perfect vegetable
26
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,607
for kids who hate rutabagas
27
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,484
but love beets.
28
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:10,279
And there must be, what,
dozens of those, right?
29
00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:11,697
Exactly.
30
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,448
It fills
a long-felt need, Norm.
31
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,117
That's why those faceless
bureaucrats in Washington
32
00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,244
are trying to steal it
away from me.
33
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,620
Which reminds me,
34
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,248
I got an affidavit here
I'd like you all to sign
35
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:24,710
saying that Clifford Clavin
is the inventor of the Beetabaga.
36
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:29,590
- Cliff ie...
- You got a pen?
37
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,091
Remember when you asked me
to tell you
38
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,844
if you were going
off the deep end?
39
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,512
Yeah.
40
00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:38,557
Don't come up too fast, buddy.
You'll get the bends.
41
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,476
Norm, you know, I usually
go along with you,
42
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:45,105
but I am really on to something.
43
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,232
Cliff ie, does this sound familiar?
44
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,651
B-b-b-b-b.
45
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,891
Woody, you look like
a million bucks.
46
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:06,103
You're way off, Sam.
I got the sweater for $19.95,
47
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,855
I got the pants for 25 bucks,
48
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,483
and I got the socks
at a yard sale for 40 cents.
49
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,695
What's the occasion?
50
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,071
They were selling
the house,
51
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:17,698
trying to get rid
of some old socks.
52
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:25,247
No, Woody. I meant
why are you all dressed up?
53
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,999
Oh. Well, the corporation's
having a big lunch
54
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,627
and my girlfriend's dad
is going to be there.
55
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,004
So in case you bump into him,
you want to look good, huh?
56
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,090
He makes me
so nervous.
57
00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:38,051
It took me an hour to figure out
what to wear this morning.
58
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,678
Yeah, I have that problem, too.
59
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,474
You only have three suits.
60
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,309
Yeah, but I have five ties.
61
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:52,482
Sam, can you help me get my hair
to do what yours always does?
62
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,609
Sure. I don't think
that'd be a problem here, Woody.
63
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:57,654
Okay.
64
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,035
Now, you don't know what
your PH level is, do you?
65
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,420
Oh, hi, Mr. Gaines.
66
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,546
Woody...
67
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,382
Now that you're
dating my daughter,
68
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:18,800
I suppose we should
take some time
69
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,802
to be a little more friendly.
70
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,220
Therefore, I'd like to invite you
71
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,806
to Kelly's birthday party
this Friday.
72
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,308
Oh, thanks,
but you didn't have to
73
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,685
come all the way down here
and tell me in person.
74
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,313
I keep thinking
if we spend more time together,
75
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,023
see each other
face to face,
76
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:36,151
I'll learn what the attraction is
for my daughter.
77
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,362
Nope.
78
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:43,867
I'm an enigma.
79
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:54,044
I have just about had it
up to here with this corporation.
80
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,838
Hey, everybody,
here comes the broken record.
81
00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,883
I get invited to my
first power lunch meeting,
82
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,676
and nobody
even notices me.
83
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:04,304
As usual,
I am just ignored.
84
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,306
And I finally
figured out why.
85
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,683
I am just too
darned attractive.
86
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,230
Guys really hate that, yeah.
87
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,564
You know,
the problem is
88
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,859
that everybody just sees me
as a sex kitten.
89
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,069
I hate that.
90
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,698
I think I need to find
a new role model.
91
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:26,034
If only I knew one
successful career woman
92
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:30,205
with an image that invites
no sexual appeal whatsoever.
93
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:32,040
Another decaffeinated
iced coffee,
94
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,333
black as you can make it.
95
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,048
Lilith, I love
the way you look.
96
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:42,259
Which is it--
97
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,636
The radiant glow
of impending motherhood
98
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,429
or the 20 pounds of water
I'm retaining
99
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,973
in my fingers and ankles?
100
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,311
Lilith, Lilith,
I love the way you dress.
101
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,188
I admire your style.
102
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,984
Do you think that
you could help me
103
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,444
develop a more
businesslike appearance?
104
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,446
I'd love to, Rebecca.
105
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:07,158
And may I say
it's about time you asked?
106
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,035
There are two approaches
a woman can take
107
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,246
in turning her look
to her advantage.
108
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,707
The first is to play upon
the male sexual drive
109
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,334
and turn yourself into
an object of desire.
110
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,086
I have opted
for the second.
111
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,005
- What's that?
- Scaring them stupid.
112
00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:24,384
I like it.
113
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,845
So, Woods, what did Mr. Big
want to talk to you about?
114
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,555
Still sweating you out
about seeing his daughter?
115
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,181
I bet he offered you
a couple of thou
116
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:33,018
to keep your mitts off
the airhead to the throne.
117
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,728
Don't you do it,
Woody.
118
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:38,148
Money is no substitute
for the love of a good woman.
119
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,734
Now, real estate,
especially in today's market...
120
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,903
No, no, no, no.
You guys are way off base.
121
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,363
I didn't think Mr. Gaines
liked me, either,
122
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,782
but he just invited me
to Kelly's birthday party.
123
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,367
That's great.
124
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,620
You know, you're going to
have to get her a present.
125
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,872
I know, Carla.
I'm prepared for this.
126
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:55,999
And I'm not just
giving her any present,
127
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,208
but the gift that
makes us all
128
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,461
a little bit happier
to be alive.
129
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:00,629
The gift of laughter.
130
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:06,176
How so, Woods?
131
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,803
I'm giving her The Really
Big Book of Dutch Humor.
132
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:13,850
See, it works.
133
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,519
Woody, you know,
everybody at the party
134
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,647
is going to be
richer than God.
135
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,065
If you walk in there
136
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:23,652
and show them a stupid book
full of tulip jokes,
137
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,904
they're going to
laugh in your face.
138
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,864
That's kind of
the idea, Carla.
139
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,372
Woody, I think Kelly
might be used to gifts
140
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,624
that are a little bit
more expensive.
141
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,000
Then why did
her father invite me?
142
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,127
He knows I can't afford
anything ritzy.
143
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:44,214
Well, maybe that's
his plan, Woody.
144
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:47,676
Maybe he wants to humiliate you
in front of Kelly's friends
145
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,136
so she'll be too embarrassed
to date you anymore.
146
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,181
Maybe I won't even go.
147
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,100
Maybe I'll just stay home
this weekend
148
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,559
and work on my hair. Sam?
149
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:02,023
Yeah. I could help you out.
150
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,111
You know, you got
a wave there
151
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,822
that's just
going to waste.
152
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:13,410
Say, Woody,
before Mr. Jacques combs you out...
153
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,329
Could you come here?
154
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,961
Woody, you're giving up
too easily.
155
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:25,672
You see, I'm sure you have
plenty to offer Kelly.
156
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:26,881
Like what?
157
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,800
Well, how about
a gift from the heart.
158
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,261
Something which no
rich man can obtain,
159
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,304
upon which no price
can be set.
160
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:35,265
Great idea, Dr. Crane.
161
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,142
I can't tell you
actually what to do, of course,
162
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,020
but I can relate
a story from my own experience.
163
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:44,190
I remember when I was
courting a certain beauty.
164
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,608
I wrote her a poem.
165
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,152
It was no great
piece of literature,
166
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,404
but it did express
my feelings honestly.
167
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,239
I recall reciting
the last lines
168
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:53,324
while we were sitting
in front of the fire,
169
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,285
basking in our love.
170
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,747
"Your lips are the flame
that consumes me
171
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,457
and the candle
that lights my way."
172
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,959
- Frasier, love...
- Yes, dearest?
173
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:05,378
I've never heard
that drivel before in my life.
174
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,429
I wonder whose lips
those were.
175
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,112
Kelly, that's beautiful.
176
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,740
Come on, Uncle Val,
I know you. What's the gag?
177
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:34,824
Look inside.
178
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,536
Yay! A new Mercedes!
179
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:43,291
Thank you!
180
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,085
Well, that looks like that's it.
181
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,920
What say we all go outside
182
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,922
and have a look
at some of Kelly's new cars.
183
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:52,967
Wait, everybody.
184
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:56,387
Woody hasn't given me
his present yet.
185
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,765
That's right, Kelly.
186
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,433
Could you come
stand over here?
187
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,853
I'd like to sing you a little song
I wrote for you.
188
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,692
Now I should tell you
right up front that
189
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,486
I'm not really
a professional singer.
190
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,613
I'm more of a vocal stylist.
191
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,073
The song, Woody.
192
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,074
Oh, right.
193
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:31,798
Kelly, my darling
you are my sunshine
194
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,804
When we're together
I feel fine
195
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,977
Your smile is so lovely
196
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,979
Your hair is so clean
197
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,983
You make me feel
198
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,069
That the whole world is mine
199
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,198
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly
200
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,033
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly
201
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,952
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly
202
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,621
K-E-L-L-Y
203
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,206
Why? Because you're
204
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:06,875
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly
205
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,543
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly
206
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,211
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly
207
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:13,965
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly of mine
208
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,345
Mine, mine, mine, mine
209
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,097
Mine, mine, mine, mine
210
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,183
Mine, mine, mine, mine
211
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,768
Mine, mine, mine, mine
212
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,731
Mine
213
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,239
Oh...
214
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,074
Woody, that was beautiful.
215
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,117
You really liked it?
216
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:42,785
I liked it
more than anything.
217
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:43,745
Thanks.
218
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,788
So, where's my gift?
219
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,634
Woody, I think
you oughta lay off.
220
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,510
How many have you had?
221
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,262
Eleven.
222
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,182
11 beers?
223
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:05,892
11 Sips.
224
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:11,272
Well, that's plenty, Woody.
225
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:14,525
You know, booze is no way
to handle any problems.
226
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,778
I just can't get over the way
Kelly made a fool out of me
227
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,571
in front of all those people.
228
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,448
So you just left?
229
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:21,991
What else could I do?
230
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,577
I told her my present
was out front and ran off.
231
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,789
Don't worry about it, Wood.
232
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,874
It happens to all of us.
233
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,585
Really? Did Mrs. Peterson
ever make a fool out of you
234
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,420
in front of other people?
235
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:38,299
Yeah, there was that time
she pulled the old "I do" gag.
236
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:44,681
I just never expected this
from Kelly.
237
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,557
I'm really mad at her.
238
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:51,020
She's just a rich... a rich...
239
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,773
I'd like to call her
a nasty name,
240
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,901
but I can't think of anything
that rhymes with rich.
241
00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,238
You know, Woody,
you're better off dumping her.
242
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:03,533
Rich people stink.
I hate them.
243
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,326
I hate their soft shoes.
244
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:08,746
The way they're
too relaxed to sweat.
245
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,541
You know what I hate most
about rich people?
246
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,502
I'm not one of them.
247
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,630
Yeah, Carla, you sweat
like a longshoreman.
248
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,724
Woody, I think you ought
to give her a second chance.
249
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,684
I mean, Kelly doesn't
know what she's doing here.
250
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,561
She was born rich.
251
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,938
All her school friends
are rich.
252
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,398
You know,
maybe she just can't imagine
253
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:38,484
someone who can't afford
something expensive.
254
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,194
Did you explain it
to her?
255
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,613
What's the use?
I don't care anymore.
256
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:43,990
Don't be bitter.
257
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,867
I'm not bitter, Sam.
258
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,827
I'm just consumed
by a gnawing hate
259
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,245
that's eating away
at my gut
260
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:52,081
until I can taste
the bile in my mouth.
261
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:57,462
Well, I guess
I am a little bitter--
262
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,714
Either that, or I'm coming down
with something.
263
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,924
Does anybody have a Tic Tac?
264
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:13,728
Where's Rebecca?
265
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:14,937
In changing.
266
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,981
I'm helping her
remake her image.
267
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,358
We're planning
to crash the power lunch
268
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,943
going on right now at Melville's
to show those executives
269
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,238
what a real, no-nonsense
businesswoman looks like.
270
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:25,615
What does she
look like?
271
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,492
Ms. Howe?
272
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:34,248
Oh, a man.
273
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,251
Carla, stop interrupting.
274
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,419
Lilith is trying to teach me
275
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,338
how to be a hard-assed
businesswoman.
276
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,131
The pretzel man
wants to see you.
277
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:44,842
You talk to him.
He scares me.
278
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:46,844
You look wonderful,
Rebecca.
279
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:47,887
Thank you.
280
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,514
Can you breathe
in that thing?
281
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,307
I'm a little
constricted.
282
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:52,934
Perhaps it's the tight collar.
283
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:56,729
Or the ace bandage
strapped around my breasts.
284
00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:00,650
They interfered with
the line of your jacket.
285
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:01,943
What do you think,
Carla?
286
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,319
Well, turn around.
287
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,281
Bind her butt, too.
288
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,538
Are you ready to sock it
to the old boys' network?
289
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,497
I am!
290
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:15,790
Too much inflection.
291
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,625
- I am.
- I'm proud of you.
292
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:27,301
Jeez. Two Liliths.
293
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,971
This is like a nightmare
I had once.
294
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,347
You, too?
295
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:36,811
Well, that cuts it.
296
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,855
The whole world's
against me.
297
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,273
What's the problem,
Cliff ie?
298
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,858
Those boneheads
down at McDonald's
299
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,025
refuse to even consider
300
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,318
the obvious commercial value
301
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,529
of McBeetabaga burgers.
302
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:52,118
For God's sake, are you still going on
about your stupid vegetable?
303
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,703
It's not my vegetable, Norm.
304
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,121
It belongs to the whole world.
305
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,665
Aren't you vegetable
enough for the world?
306
00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,333
You are going to be doubting
307
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,668
on the other side of your mouth
pretty soon.
308
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,003
I went home last night
309
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,796
and fooled around
in the kitchen a little bit
310
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,216
and came up with some
mouth-watering morsels here.
311
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:08,593
Come on.
Who's going to be the first
312
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:09,969
to try some of these goodies?
313
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:11,596
We have Beetabaga brittle,
314
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:12,930
Beetabaga burritos,
315
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:15,141
and for that little taste of Cairo,
316
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,726
Beetabaga fajita
on a pita.
317
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:21,689
How about
a Beetabaga barf bag?
318
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,154
I'd like to try one.
May I?
319
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,780
Well, you certainly may.
320
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:30,948
You certainly may.
321
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:34,160
Ha. A man
with a sense of adventure.
322
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,244
Here you go, sir.
323
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:42,210
- This is delicious.
- Yeah?
324
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,794
Not too chalky?
325
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:47,340
No. I really like
the unusual aftertaste.
326
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:50,468
That'll stay with you
for a couple of days.
327
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:51,969
Listen up down there.
328
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,055
This fine gentleman
can teach you something.
329
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,682
You know, I plan to tell the people
back where I work about these.
330
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,100
Hey, hear that?
331
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,727
And I should know something
on the subject,
332
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,188
as I not only have
a degree in agriculture,
333
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,899
but I'm also a graduate
of the Cordon Bleu.
334
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,817
The man is an expert.
335
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,402
I'm also an astronaut.
336
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:12,365
Next week, I'm going to be
the Queen of Spain.
337
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,627
Hey, Frase, could you
use another patient?
338
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,546
Oh, Cliff,
you're harmless.
339
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,717
There's only one thing left to do--
just take this to the public.
340
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,430
Beetabaga fajita
on a pita?
341
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,099
No hablo español, señor.
342
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:45,648
Woody, are you okay?
343
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,526
I was afraid something awful
had happened to you.
344
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,069
Yeah, well,
maybe it did.
345
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,738
I kept waiting for you
to come back to the party.
346
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,657
At first I just figured
you'd gone out onto the front lawn
347
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,200
and got lost like last week,
348
00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:59,412
but now I know
something's wrong.
349
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:01,247
I'll tell you what's wrong.
350
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,373
I don't have a gift for you,
351
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,083
so why don't you just leave?
352
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,919
Okay, Woody,
if that's what you want.
353
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,298
No, wait, Kelly.
354
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:11,549
It's not what I want,
355
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:13,467
but you have to understand something.
356
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,595
I'm just a poor working guy.
357
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,098
Could we go someplace
and talk?
358
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,725
I can't leave now.
359
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:21,809
Why not?
360
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,019
I have a job.
361
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:26,439
I know. I think that's so cute.
362
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,565
I don't work to be cute.
363
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,191
I work to make money,
to live.
364
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,610
The cute part just happens.
365
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,196
Don't you understand?
366
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:35,823
I'm trying, Woody.
367
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,200
There's some gifts
you can't put in a box
368
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,995
or hold in your hand.
369
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,372
Kelly, the song
was my gift.
370
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,542
Oh, I get it.
The song is a riddle, right?
371
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,002
And if I can figure it out,
372
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:50,004
it'll tell me where
you've hidden my gift.
373
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,634
I think we're
just too different.
374
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,053
I don't think we should
see each other anymore.
375
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,137
Really?
376
00:18:59,055 --> 00:18:59,972
Really.
377
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,392
I guess there isn't
anything else to say.
378
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,442
I'm sorry, man.
379
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:12,860
What were you supposed to do,
you know,
380
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:15,446
run out and empty
your savings,
381
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:16,781
hock everything you own,
382
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,491
spend every penny
you ever earned
383
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,743
just to buy her
a silly, little piece of jewelry?
384
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,746
Sam, that's a great idea.
385
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:25,414
No, Wood.
386
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,124
And I thought
I was the smart one.
387
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,265
How did it go?
388
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:44,517
Well, not bad.
389
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,018
If I choose to
accept their offer,
390
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,478
you're looking at
the new vice president
391
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:50,356
in charge of
the Eastern Seaboard.
392
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:51,774
She's lying.
393
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,943
I'm the vice president
of the Eastern Seaboard.
394
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,153
Now I am
the Eastern Seaboard.
395
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,446
What a view!
396
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,626
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly
397
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:13,629
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly
398
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:15,464
Kelly, Kelly
399
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:17,883
Hi, Kelly.
400
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,970
Happy birthday.
401
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,973
I thought you never wanted
to see me again.
402
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,058
That was just a joke.
403
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,144
You know
my crazy Dutch humor.
404
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:32,732
Here.
405
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,736
Woody, you didn't have to.
406
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,742
Oh, it's a pendant.
407
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,828
It's a little opal
surrounded by sand.
408
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:47,663
Those are
crushed diamonds.
409
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:52,835
I like it.
Where's the chain?
410
00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:53,878
I'll have that for you
411
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:57,465
in another 18
easy payments.
412
00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:00,342
Well, let's go get it now.
413
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,469
We'll take my new Lamborghini.
414
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:04,680
It only has three miles on it.
415
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:05,639
We can't go get it now.
416
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,266
I don't have any money.
417
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,894
We can just stop by
your automatic teller on the way.
418
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,313
Kelly, when I say
I don't have any money,
419
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,315
I don't have any money.
420
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:15,524
Nothing in my shoe,
421
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:18,277
nothing under my mattress.
Nothing.
422
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:19,570
You take all the money
in all the world
423
00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:20,780
and get rid of it,
424
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:22,323
and that's how much
money I have.
425
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:27,578
Wait a minute.
426
00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:31,749
You can't afford this,
can you?
427
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:37,046
That's why you've
been so upset.
428
00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:39,131
Now I understand.
429
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,966
It's like when Daddy
wanted to buy Shell oil
430
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,009
and couldn't.
431
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:47,431
I'm sorry
I yelled at you.
432
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,559
You know, this is really sweet,
433
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:54,021
but I can't accept it
if it's going to hurt you.
434
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:56,732
Thanks, Kelly.
435
00:21:57,983 --> 00:21:59,568
I feel really bad
about this.
436
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:00,861
No, I'm the one.
437
00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,074
See, I just wanted
438
00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:07,868
to give you something
that nobody else could.
439
00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:09,537
And I know I couldn't
compete with your friends
440
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,038
when it came to
expensive stuff,
441
00:22:11,205 --> 00:22:13,833
so I tried that dorky song.
442
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:15,417
It was pretty.
443
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,211
The tune or the words?
444
00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,046
The words especially.
445
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:22,424
Good, because I sort of
ripped off the tune.
446
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:24,718
I liked it.
447
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:26,512
Well, gee,
there is one other thing
448
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:27,888
I wanted to give you,
449
00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:30,099
and maybe it's even better
than the song.
450
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:32,393
No one else
in the world has it.
451
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,186
What's that?
452
00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:35,938
Just...
453
00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:38,524
I love you.
454
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,453
You're not going to say,
"where's my gift," are you?
455
00:22:53,747 --> 00:22:55,416
Oh, Woody.
456
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:58,711
You make me feel
so ashamed.
457
00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:01,714
Your gift makes all those others
seem so cheap.
458
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:04,592
Kelly, you're the best girl
in the whole world.
459
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:06,385
And to think that
for your birthday
460
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:07,928
I was going
to get you a Porsche.
461
00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:15,311
Talk about shallow.
462
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:18,856
All you really need
463
00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:20,858
is to hear me say that
464
00:23:21,025 --> 00:23:22,067
I love you, too.
465
00:23:27,865 --> 00:23:28,741
Woody?
466
00:23:31,702 --> 00:23:32,578
Woody?
467
00:23:34,872 --> 00:23:37,416
I'm sorry. Did you say
something after Porsche?
31290
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