All language subtitles for Shoresy s03e06 Les Rapides De Rawdon.eng

(rousing rock music plays)

(music intensifies)

(Shoresy): Fer what?

Starting a brawl
in the stands.

It was clearly
our booster club.

Everybody knows the Bluester
Club's ready to rip.

You can't suspend him
for the final game

for something that happened
in the stands.

Yes, we can, that's why
we're here. Ready to vote?

All right, hang on.
Let's do this diplomatically.

Don't be such
a fuckin' nerd, Gord.

- Shoresy!
- We've got a rep present

from all participating teams.
I think the Bulldogs

should be able to plead
their case,

we'll all get a chance
to weigh in,

and from there,
we'll make a decision. Cool?

- Cool.
- Cool.

- Fellas?
- Pardon?

- Moving right along.
- All right, Shoresy.

- She reps the Bulldogs.
- I rep the Bulldogs.

Then rep the Bulldogs.
We've got a final to play.

Here are the facts.
The Bulldogs and the Hunt

were playing a hockey game
last night. The Bulldogs won.

The Hunt are now eliminated
from the tournament,

and the Bulldogs advance
to the final

against Les Rapides de Rawdon.

- That's it?
- That's all that matters.

- Delaney, we'll go to you.
- I want him drug tested.

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- Look at him.

He's fuckin' sniffin' yak.

We were up 3-0.
Shoresy started

a brawl in the stands that
affected the game on the ice.

- Physically impossible.
- They came back and won.

Sure that wasn't an acid
flashback, ya fuckin' loser?

It was a clear attempt
to disrupt the game.

Bit of a sour grapes
bias here, people.

We had to pause play
for 20 minutes.

Well, you're lucky
you didn't K-hole, Delaney.

All right, so you'd vote
to suspend him

for the final game?
- Yes.

(Gord): Sly?
- No one's ever given a shit

about senior hockey.

This tournament's
internationally broadcasted.

He goes into the stands
and starts a fight

in the semi-final game.

You are so fuckin' stunned,
Sylvestri. Wow.

- He didn't throw a punch.
- He threw a beer.

- A beer got spilt.
- It's a bad look for all of us.

(Nat): You were too dirty
to play for Boston.

Yeah, check your own
backyard, bitch.

I don't think he should
play in the final.

That's two for suspend him.
Freisens?

- Pardon?
- Go ahead.

Where?

I mean,
it's your turn to speak.

- Who?
- Either or.

Or what?

I mean either one
of you can speak.

- Okay.
- So, go ahead.

- Where?
- Okay, new rule.

You can't vote if you can't
count to say, 25.

- I actually agree.
- You can't vote

if you don't know
what animal goes "oink".

(Nat): Let's keep this moving.

I won't keep you all
in suspense here.

My vote's to suspend him.
- You're undefeated.

- So are you.
- Do you really need this advantage?

No, but I want it.

All right then.

Shoresy, you're suspended.
- Fer what?!

(Gord): Shoresy, you got
knocked out cold a few days ago.

- You'd be stupid to play, man.
- He knows.

That he's stupid?
(both): Fuck you, Delaney.

You're really putting
yourself at risk

by playing so soon after.

Don't be such a fuckin'
pussy, Gord.

- Why do you want this so badly?
- Because it's the final

game of the tournament!
- Shoresy.

And it's his final game ever.

(Jory): I'm Jory Jordan,
and this is the Sudbury

Kids Sports Report
with breaking news.

Marie-Mai is the hottest woman
I've ever seen.

Also, the worst player on
the Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs

will retire after playing
his last game in the upcoming

tournament final.

Marie-Mai, I'm in love
with her.

I'm cut off my own arm
in love with her.

I'll never forget the first time
I saw that woman.

Her beauty was shocking.
Her image became so clearly

etched in my mind,
I could close my eyes

and masturbate to it. I could.

But instead I masturbate to what
every normal teenager does,

hard-core pornography
found for free on the internet.

I know what you're thinkin'.

"Bet I know what he'd like
to do to her."

While internet porn
has shown me the thrill

of sticking your entire fist
in someone's mouth

while they shove their entire
fist up your ass.

If given the opportunity,
I'd just like to tell Marie-Mai

how highly I regard her.
Aside from being beautiful

and multi-talented,
she's a devoted mother,

philanthropist, and role model
to young people everywhere.

So, what I'd like to do to her?
Look her in the eye,

shake her hand,
and tell her I respect her.

But here are the wives
of the Rawdon Rapids

starting line-up,
and what I'd like to do to them.

Chloe Deschamps.

Choking is popular
in pornography.

Someone's always choking
someone. Though I've never had

the desire to choke
or be choked. Watching porn

has taught me that Chloe
most certainly has.

Genevieve Lachappelle.

I saw a video recently of a man

spitting into a woman's mouth,

which she appeared
to enjoy immensely.

I can only assume
Genevieve would too.

It's always good to say
something degrading.

I was raised not to speak
disrespectfully to women,

but perhaps Manon could say
to me...

(speaking French)

Which loosely translates to,

"Show me your hot hobbit balls."

Coralie Montagne.
Let's try a little role-play.

You be the saucy older teacher,

I'll be the much younger student
who, judging by his runty frame,

shouldn't have a gigantic penis.
But does!

(Tessa): That is so dirty.

The dirtiest player
in the tournament,

as advertised.

Golfed in the ankle one game.
Knocked out cold the next.

It's no wonder Shoresy's
hangin' 'em up after the final.

- He's too old for this.
- RA?

- Who fuckin' cares?
- Well, judging by our growing

viewership of the National
Senior Tournament broadcast,

a decent amount of people.
- Woopty fuckin' doo.

Listen, I'm just gonna say
what everyone else is thinking.

It's the physicality.
- I can't believe the amount

of fighting in this tournament.
- People tune in for it.

They can't help it.

But these are championship
games.

It's senior whale shit hockey.

It's bush league.

Who can complain?

Every game has a handful
of big goals,

a bunch of big hits,
and a fight.

- Two.
- Two fights?

Per game. On average.

Okay, that is bush league.

There's a national
title on the line.

And they've all gotta
go to work in the morning.

Either way, this is hockey
the way a lot of people

remember it, and how
many people still prefer it.

- More than you'd think.
- I'm from Boston,

you're preachin' to the choir.
- Tonight, the host

Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs
face off

in the National Senior
Tournament final

against Les Rapides de Rawdon,

owned by Quebec pop icon,
Marie-Mai,

who has declared that
if her team wins the fights,

they win the game.
As for JJ Frankie JJ--

He's the only one
of them that isn't hurt.

- Physically.
- For now.

(speaking French)

After this week's explosive

exposé on Hey Vous Autres,

it's safe to say
that the big man

will have a very big
target on his back.

(Shoresy): Big as the moon.
(children giggle)

So big, in fact,
that a single Frankie fart

can smell like up to
four kinds of fast food.

(children laugh)

- Yes.
- I switched from Lucky Charms

to Denver omelettes
for breakfast

and have much more energy
in the morning.

Well, there's
a W for you, Nat.

And don't forget
what you guys learned

at the Q&A webinar.
- And hey, you parents, too,

I don't care whose birthday
party it is,

there's such a thing
as too many two-liters.

(children laugh)

All right, final words
of advice for the kids?

Hitch, why don't we
start with you?

I'm not tryin' to tell ya
to go out and punch no one

in the head, but if ya does,

ya might get a bit more room
out there next time

ya has the puck, b'ys.
- There are girls here, too.

- Are there?
- Yes.

- Which one's a girl?
- Shoresy.

(Michaels): Dolo.

(Michaels): Goody.

Make a good first impression

and always leave a lasting one.

(players): Nice. Goody.

- He stole it from somewhere.
- No, I didn't.

- Yes, you did.
- He's smart, wow.

- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.

Well, as for me, kids,
I just say wanna say--

Michaels, I'm just gonna
jump in here real quick.

(children laugh)

Kids, you got a million people
in your ear

trying to make it
about a million things

other than hockey.

Whether they got ya comin'
to the rink to compete

or to play, or to participate,

it's always more fun
when you win.

You're gonna lose more times
than you can remember.

You'll never forget
when you win.

- Thanks, Shoresy.
- Don't be losers.

Okay.
(children laugh)

Do you wanna be a winner
or do you wanna be a loser?

- That's it for our seminar--
- Go win!

If you do, you'll finally get
to fix your stupid haircut.

(children laugh)

Huh.

(players chatter)

(Jill): Hi. Hi.

Hi. Shoresy.

Is it cool if I call you that?

- Mm-hmm.
- Everybody else

has been calling you that
at the seminars.

- Mm-hmm.
- And the webinar.

And the webinar.

Your audience doubled,
then tripled with these talks.

Must feel good.
- For the community,

by the community.
- Nice of you guys to give back.

That's what hockey players do.

You know, I've been thinking
about something you said.

How people are trying
to make hockey

about everything other
than hockey. I agree.

Yeah, things are getting
a little bit weird, eh?

Everybody needs
to stop being weird.

Just stop being weird.

You know, the kids like you.
They listen to you.

They shouldn't listen
to Michaels. Seriously.

(chuckles)

I'd like them
to listen to you more.

We're starting a hockey school
with a select group in Sudbury.

You know, trying to get the kids
focused on the game again.

Try to get them focused
on winning.

And we'd like you
to work with them.

Think that's something
you'd be into?

No.

Hmm. Okay. Well,

think about it for a while
and I'll come find you.

(Jory): I'm Jory Jordan
and this the Sudbury

Kids Sports Report Live.

Shoresy, quick word
for the SKSR Live?

Well, my ankle's killing me,
but fuck it,

this is probably the last time
I'll ever have to do this, Jory,

so let's go.
- It's good to be with you,

Shoresy, I think a lot
of people would've just

ended it all by now.
- Maybe.

I can only assume
you're still reeling from

the NOSHO Cup loss?
- Lil' bit.

No inclination to neck
a bottle of pills

or make some toast in a bathtub?
- Nope.

You let down an entire town,
your teammates, and yourself.

What advice do you have
for other balding, 40-year-old

losers going through
tough times?

- Hang in there, kid.
- A positive attitude

is essential for any captain.
Tell me, how do you manage

to stay strong while
falling short of expectations

over and over?
- Well, just gotta pull yourself

up by the bootstraps.
- I've heard your recent play

called everything
from pitiful to pathetic.

But it's not as pitiful
or pathetic

as Frankie's recent
subtweeting at Marie-Mai.

- Oh no, what's he saying now?
- Today's tweets include,

"Thanks for reminding me
why I never open up."

(Shoresy scoffs)
- "All I wanted was to be

somebody's somebody."
- What? No.

And finally, "I gave her all
of me and left none for myself."

- What a loser!
- That's all for the Sudbury

Kids Sports Report.
- Hey! You really

like this Marie-Mai, eh?

She takes my breath away.
With her image.

Though I do also wonder
if she'd like to take my breath

away with her hands.
- Oh, my God.

That's all for the Sudbury
Kids Sports Report Live.

- Oh, my God.
- We out?

Hey man, thanks.
- Thanks?

A lot of people watch
when I have you on.

I'm running a business here
and you're good for business.

So, thank you.

(Nat): He didn't say that.

- Fine, he didn't say it.
- I don't believe it.

I don't care.

We need Frankie tonight.

Well, Frankie's got
a mental battle to win.

(Nat sighs)

- How you feeling?
- About what?

How you feeling?

Oh, I could really use
a shoulder right now, Nat.

Thanks for asking.
- Oh, shut up.

There's a lot of things
coming up.

You know, a lot of emotions.
- Okay, okay. Okay!

I need somewhere to put it.
You know, I don't wanna just

bury it like
I do everything else.

(Shoresy chuckles)

Well, I'm gonna follow
Jory's lead,

and I'm gonna say
thank you right now, too.

Fer what?

For always finding a way
to contribute.

For dragging this team
into the fight.

For giving back
to the community.

Well, I know how much
that fuckin' means to you.

And for the Bluester Club.

Well, the Bluester Club's
ready to rip.

You inspire our guys, man.

You motivate them.

You cook for them.

What's good for the goose.

Thank you.

You gonna cry?
(Nat exhales)

You are. You're welling up.
I can see it.

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- You can't hide that from me.

Come on, sit down,
we'll let it all up together.

We need to stop
compartmentalizing.

- You've got press.
- Yew!

This is it.
(Shoresy): You look this good

for all your interviews?

I took a bit of extra
time for this one.

My God, woman,
you look fantastic.

- Thank you.
- How're we gonna get

anything fuckin' done?
- Don't worry, I'm a professional.

- Are you? Huh?
- Huh?

A professional with her feet

touching my feet
while she's at work?

How long did
you plan on playing?

So long as I can fog a mirror.

Well, Bobby Baun
played on a broken leg.

Zdeno Chara
played with a broken jaw.

- Like, wired shut?
- If he puked, he would've died.

- Why would he puke?
- Well, there's a lot of fuckin'

ugly dudes in the show.
- Why would he put himself

at risk like that?
- 'Cause hockey players

don't give a fuck.
- Apparently.

He would've played with
an eye hangin' out of his skull

or a nut hangin'
out of his sack.

What're you gonna
miss the most?

- The room.
- Yeah?

- The boys.
- In that order.

Well, and being able
to just haul off

and punch some dude
in the back of the head

if I don't like what he's doin'.

Think you'll be happy
without hockey?

Will you be happy?

("Serene Demon"
by Art d'Ecco plays)

(♪)

(music softens)

♪ You'll be happy
in a little while ♪

♪ You'll be happy
in a little while ♪

♪ So they tell ya ♪

♪ You'll be happier
in a little while ♪

♪ So they tell ya ♪

♪ You'll be happier
in a little while ♪

♪ Oh, they tell ya ♪

♪ You'll be happier
in little while ♪

(dramatic inspiring music)

(♪)

(crowd cheers)

(whistle blows)

(crowd shouting)

(indistinct shouting)

(player): Come on, come on,
come on!

(crowd jeers)

(Rapides players cheer)

I wanted the first one.

Hey, hey.

(whistle blows)

(crowd jeers)

Take it easy. Two-goal lead
is the worst lead in hockey.

(buzzer honks)

(Shoresy): I'd rather be
up two than down two.

It's the fastest
game we've seen.

Don't tell that
to the Italians.

- I won't.
- Can tell 'em

they're the ugliest, though.

(Anik): Rawdon's shooting
everything tonight.

(Shoresy): I don't even
wanna know the shots.

You've had plenty
of scoring chances,

but can't seem
to find the twine.

Well, French goalies
are really good.

What needs to change
in the second period?

(Sanguinet): Jim.
- Yeah?

(Sanguinet): Jim.
- Yes.

(Sanguinet): Jim.
- Ready to swing

the momentum here, Sanger.

New period, boys.

You gotta set the fuckin' tone!

- Ready to go.
- B'ys they're shootin' everything.

I never see a team
with so many injuries as this,

but we gotta be blockin' shots.

Help out Michaels, boys.
Get the body in front of it.

(Michaels): Yeah,
but we need shots.

Boys, we're not gonna
win this game

unless we score
some fuckin' goals.

Gotta find a fuckin' way.

Frankie, you gotta
find a way, big boy.

Let's get one here
and keep going.

I know you're all hurt,
but we need to see

everything you've got
for 40 more minutes.

Come on, boys,
let's fuckin' see it, huh?

(Hitch): Get the body in front
of it out there, b'ys!

- Let's fuckin' go!
- Set the tone.

(tense electronic music)

(rhythmic hip-hop music)

(cheering)

(hip-hop music continues)

(crowd cheering)

(whistle blows)

(player): Hey!

(crowd jeers)

(whistle blows)
- Fuck!

(crowd jeers)

(whistle blows)

(Rapides players cheer)

(crowd jeers)

(buzzer honks)

(players panting)

(Nat): Shoresy!

Yo!

How bad is it?

- Doesn't matter.
- No excuses.

(Ziig): Seriously,
how banged up are we?

(Shoresy): Doesn't matter.

Never let them
know you're hurt.

(Miig): How are we gonna
score four?

Gonna find that
fuck you attitude.

(helmet clatters)

(stirring electronic music)

You keep the puck out.

Need you to keep the fuckin'
puck out. Can you do it?

Just worry about the guy
at the other end.

I got him.
Don't worry about him.

Can you keep the fuckin'
puck out?

- Yeah.
- Keep the fuckin' puck out.

Need five fuckin' goals, boys.

Need five fuckin' goals here.
I know everybody's hurt.

We need five fuckin' goals.
Who wants 'em?

Who wants the goals? Hitch.

You ever been on
a team this good?

- No.
- Get one for us.

Dolo.

You ever win a national title?
- Nah, bro.

Get one for us.

Goody.

You ever been on the best team
in the entire fuckin' country?

- Not yet, Shoresy.
- Get one for us.

Fish, you'll never be back here
again, ya fuckin' loser.

You know it.
- I know.

Get one for us.

Hey, big boy.

Everybody's playin'
through something here.

You gotta play through it.

(Dolo translating into French)

You gotta battle.

Whatever's fuckin' goin' on
in Quebec, forget it.

(Dolo translating)

(Shoresy): You gotta play
through it.

We need ya. We need ya here.

We need ya.
(Dolo translating)

(Shoresy): Come on.

(stirring music quickens)

(crowd cheering uproariously)

(crowd cheering)

How's your hand?

How's your hand,
ya fuckin' idiot?

Hey, how's your hand feel on
the back of my fuckin' helmet?

I didn't drop 'em.
They both dropped 'em.

I didn't drop 'em.
I never fuckin' dropped 'em.

I still have my fuckin'
gloves on.

I didn't drop 'em.
They both dropped 'em.

(music intensifying)

(cheering)

(horn honks)

(music quickens)

(cheering)

(inaudible shouting)

(♪)

(cheering)

(inaudible shouting)

(♪)

(cheering)

(♪)

(buzzer honks)

(music stops abruptly)

(muffled soundscape)

(muffled cheering)

How was the two-day bender?

You'll have to ask
someone else.

- Sorry I couldn't join.
- Too old for this.

- I know I am.
- I meant I'm too old for this.

So, break it down for me.
You win the game,

you raise the trophy.
- In our own barn.

Off the ice and into
the room. Champagne showers?

- Mm-hmm.
- Then what?

(joyful electronic music)

(inaudible conversations)

(♪)

(Laura): Looks good.
- Thanks.

- Then what?
- Quick chat with BROdude

and off to supper
where Ol' Gorgeous

did not disappoint.

I love that about
hockey players.

You all spend the week
trying to kill each other,

but there's almost never
any carryover

after the final buzzer.
A handshake, and it's done.

Don't want the beers
gettin' warm.

(joyful electronic music)

(inaudible conversations)

(♪)

- Well, it's all pretty cute.
- Oh, I know that look.

- Do ya?
- Like you wanna take me home.

Like I wanna take you home
and grab you by the honker?

Like you wanna take me home

and grab me right
by the ding-dong.

Wait, what was the quick chat
with BROdude all about?

(music stops)
(Shoresy): Just...

crushing beers!

(Emma): Hey, Shoresy.

Can I talk to you for a sec?
(Shoresy): Okay.

- Nice hair.
- Yeah, Hitch barely looks

like a fuckin' idiot at all now.

Yeah, that's
a good look for you.

If it weren't for his face,
he'd barely

look like
a fuckin' idiot at all.

- What's with the new look?
- Oh, we were just

being degenerates.
We cut off our hair

and couldn't fix it
until we won it all.

- It's a good deal.
- It's a better deal

if you're not
a degenerate at all.

But I wouldn't say it's fixed.

Get the fuck outta here,
Michaels.

So, you're done as a player.

Yeah, did ya wanna say,
"Sorry to hear"?

- I wanna offer you a job.
- No then, eh?

How would you like to be
an analyst for BROdude Hockey?

(curious music plays)

They want you
to be an analyst?

Yeah, said they wanted
a really good-lookin' guy.

I dunno.
- Really.

I guess they were
havin' a hard time

finding really smart,
good-lookin' guys. I dunno.

How much are they
gonna offer you?

- Why?
- Because I have to match it.

Fer what?

You're gonna coach.

(hip-hop music)

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