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And 1,685 Backers present
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in a film by Signe Baumane
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My Love Affair With Marriage
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Sakhalin Island, 1970
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Prelude - INCEPTION
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Mom!?
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I’m hungry!
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Seven years and nine months ago,
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Zelma: Age 7
the several hundred million of Zelma's
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father’s sperm cells,
each carrying an entirely different set
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of his genetic information,
entered Zelma’s mother’s body.
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Within minutes most
of the cells turned out
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to be unfit to continue the journey.
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Following the trail of heat
emitted by the fallopian tubes
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the remaining 375 cells crossed
through the passage of the cervix
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into the uterus,
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but only 97 were vital enough
to reach the entrances
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of the two fallopian tubes.
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After a brief struggle, 32 sperm cells
pushed their way into one of the tubes.
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There they momentarily paused
to catch their breaths
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and assess the direction
of a chemical trail.
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Following the trail, 23
of them encountered
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Zelma’s Mother’s egg cell
ready for fertilization.
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The egg cell contained
a random selection
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of one half of her Mother's
genetic information.
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In the race to be the first
to penetrate the egg
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there was only one winner.
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The most vigorous sperm cell
fused with the egg.
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The tightly packed chromosomes in the
tiny sperm cell then began to unpack.
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The randomly picked chromosomes
of Zelma’s father’s half set
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combined with randomly picked chromosomes
of Zelma’s mother’s half set
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forming a new full set
of chromosomes
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a unique and unrepeatable
genetic combination
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that was the basis of building
Zelma’s body and personality.
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Zelma! Come home at once!
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Mom will be be angry!
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I’ll come right away, but later!
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The chance of Zelma having
the same genetic makeup
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as her sister born to the same
parents two years before
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was one in one hundred trillion.
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To prepare Zelma for survival in an
environment familiar to her parents
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the process of turning on and off the
23,000 genes carried by the chromosomes
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was influenced by the fact that both
Zelma’s parents in their childhoods
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had lived through
the trauma of air raids,
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battle-field violence and
post-war starvation.
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Although at the time
of Zelma’s conception
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the peace had lasted for
19 years and 3 months
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Zelma's fetus was developing
a body and brain
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amply capable of reacting
to external attacks.
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For nine months, Zelma’s fetus
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received food and oxygen
from her mother’s bloodstream.
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Zelma and her mother
were biologically linked,
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their heartbeats in tune
with each other.
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It was a complex mother-fetus unity
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that left an impact on
Zelma’s brain development.
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00:05:30,370 --> 00:05:33,488
Before there was night
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Before there was day
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We humans were created
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Out of clay.
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Oh, we were so strong
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So smart, full of charms
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With two beautiful heads
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Four legs and four arms.
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The gods looked down
And saw we were a threat
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The magnificent creatures
They would rather forget.
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The gods licked their lips
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And swords they drew
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They sliced us with might
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And split us in two.
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Now weak and lost
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Our halves wobble around
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Searching for unity on every ground.
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When two halves connect
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It feels just right
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This special event we call
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Love at First Sight.
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Marriage is your Destiny
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You should patiently wait.
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You're not a complete person
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Without your Soul
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Mate!
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I am in the air! I don’t care!
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Because of her
hyperactive hypothalamus
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by age seven Zelma knows
the basics of staying alive.
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But basic survival is
just one part of life.
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Part one - FORMATION
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Age 8
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After a ceremony officially
opening the new school year
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I entered the 2nd grade,
class B, of 35 pupils.
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As the new addition to the class,
I was to be the 36th.
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In an instant, I noticed that the class
was clearly divided into two groups.
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The first three rows
were occupied by girls
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and the last three
were taken by boys.
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No one but the 34 other pupils
noticed the abuse.
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It was a scene staged just for me
with rules I didn’t know yet
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but felt the script
required me to act.
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00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:10,790
What are you doing?
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Cut it out!
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I said stop! Enough!
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Stop it!
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00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,430
It was not the first time
I felt my life was in danger.
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I always knew how
to fight my way out.
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00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,758
But this time I sensed
I had made a mistake.
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There were 34 pairs of cold eyes
looking at me unforgivingly.
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And then, I saw him.
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Green eyes like green grass
full of promise.
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Skin smooth like a
warm porcelain cup.
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00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:51,508
Cheeks rosy as if he, too,
was in flames with fever.
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I felt a ZAP!
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In an instant, I realized that until
this moment I was incomplete.
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Here, in this classroom, was a person
that had powers I didn’t know humans had.
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I wanted to melt into,
merge with the boy.
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I wanted to become...
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Complete!
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She is not a girl!
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She fights!
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She is not a girl!
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She is not a girl!
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What does it mean - I am not a girl?
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Hi.
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Is it because I fight?
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00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,180
Why are you looking at her?
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00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:14,638
I'm a girl and have
a girl repertoire.
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Be like me
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Borrow a move or two
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From my library.
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00:12:25,350 --> 00:12:29,128
I don’t show that I know.
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00:12:29,170 --> 00:12:31,020
I always miss.
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00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:36,440
Ignorance is a girl’s bliss.
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I am bad at English.
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Do you like me now?
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I'm a girl and I wear sleek dresses
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Smart skirts and snazzy boots.
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00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,840
Tight jerseys, trendy pants
and racy suits.
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00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:53,030
But I can’t run in those!
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00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,420
Good girls don’t run.
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00:12:56,930 --> 00:13:00,560
Being elegant is more fun.
138
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:07,260
Any form of attention
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Is the right form of attention.
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00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:15,988
I am delighted to be in
your consideration:
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I’ll give you my full cooperation.
142
00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:24,920
But what about my self respect?
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ANY form of attention is a delight.
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00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,040
Do you like me now?
145
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:38,158
I am pretty, pretty easy on the eye
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00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,050
Like a sugar cup
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00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:44,300
And I know I am going to be pretty
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Beautiful when I grow up.
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00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,550
I am not too short to be overlooked
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Not too tall to smite with my height
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Not too short and not too tall
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00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,900
I am just right!
153
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:13,030
I'm a girl and I'm weak
154
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,920
Just the thought of hard work
makes me meek
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00:14:17,510 --> 00:14:21,198
I don’t carry heavy things
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00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,700
I leave that for kings.
157
00:14:24,770 --> 00:14:27,770
But I feel strong.
Is that wrong?
158
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:31,590
Here’s the deal:
No one cares how you feel.
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00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:35,760
All that matters is how you look.
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00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,630
Be a good girl
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00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:42,510
Emulate, imitate,
simulate by my book.
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00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:45,670
I’ll be the best girl I can be.
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00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,150
Do you like me now?
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00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:58,840
To make sense of the new environment
that seemed full of unfamiliar dangers,
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Zelma’s still developing
limbic system tagged the boy
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as a potential reward for overcoming
her status as an awkward newcomer.
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This reward is great motivation for
Zelma to practice to be the girl
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she hopes the boy will like.
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00:15:17,430 --> 00:15:20,170
I am a girl and I am weak.
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00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,260
I don’t smite.
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00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:29,130
I am pretty... meek.
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Quiet and submissive
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I don’t fight.
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Look how this particular circuit
of neurons synchronize
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their activity pattern.
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00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,918
As Zelma repeats her new gestures
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00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:51,108
those neural connections get strengthened
until they form a pathway.
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Unused neurons and synaptic
connections get pruned
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to make neural
transmissions efficient.
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00:15:58,130 --> 00:16:02,000
Zelma is effectively
changing herself.
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00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:08,790
Let’s take a look at how the outside
world responds to her learning.
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Age 9
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He was coming to tell me that all the
attention he was giving to other girls
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was a ploy to distract our enemies.
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00:16:33,420 --> 00:16:37,590
The one that he really loved was me.
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00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:40,688
Hi.
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00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:44,418
He was so close
we breathed the same air.
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00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:46,700
The molecules that touched him
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were also touching me.
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I would give everything I have
for you to love me.
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00:16:57,530 --> 00:16:59,800
Except for just one thing.
192
00:17:00,860 --> 00:17:03,430
I don’t have special talents
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No need to compete
194
00:17:07,430 --> 00:17:10,818
Boys hate to feel small
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00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:13,960
When girls cause their defeat.
196
00:17:14,830 --> 00:17:17,960
But I can do it in secret.
197
00:17:19,130 --> 00:17:21,600
Age 12
198
00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:30,650
Want to walk with me?
199
00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:33,468
I didn’t need friends.
200
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,760
I was saving myself for love.
201
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:38,378
Love would make me complete.
202
00:17:38,420 --> 00:17:40,688
It would make my body weightless
203
00:17:40,730 --> 00:17:43,838
and everything would
become easy and fun.
204
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,628
My happiness would never stop.
205
00:17:46,670 --> 00:17:50,468
Love was just too good
to give away to a friend
206
00:17:50,510 --> 00:17:52,840
who could do none of those things.
207
00:17:55,330 --> 00:17:56,788
They were right about you.
208
00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:57,988
You are weird.
209
00:17:58,030 --> 00:17:59,338
No one likes you.
210
00:17:59,380 --> 00:18:00,600
Pervert.
211
00:18:04,030 --> 00:18:07,350
Will Zelma scratch out
the eyes of this girl?
212
00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,760
Let’s see how her brain
processes the interaction.
213
00:18:11,910 --> 00:18:16,698
First, Zelma’s prefrontal cortex
observes the event and sends
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00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:21,798
a quick electrical impulse to her
hypothalamus for additional processing.
215
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:26,908
The hypothalamus perceives
the word "pervert" as an insult
216
00:18:26,950 --> 00:18:32,698
and urges the prefrontal cortex to
initiate an assault on the offender.
217
00:18:32,740 --> 00:18:36,908
At the same time it releases
a series of stress signals
218
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,110
preparing the body for fight.
219
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:43,618
The prefrontal cortex requests
the supplementary motor area
220
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:47,758
to imagine Zelma scratching
the girl’s eyes out.
221
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:51,048
After viewing the footage
the prefrontal cortex
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00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:55,258
determines that this would not
benefit Zelma in the long run
223
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,258
and vetoes the action.
224
00:18:57,300 --> 00:19:00,920
At this moment Zelma’s body,
thanks to the stress hormones,
225
00:19:01,230 --> 00:19:03,260
is in full fight mode.
226
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,400
But look at what she does!
227
00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:15,760
What an impressive manifestation
of self control!
228
00:19:15,830 --> 00:19:20,458
The stress hormones, however, will
cause her to brood over this event
229
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,380
for the next two days.
230
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,520
The blood was a sign of war.
231
00:19:51,050 --> 00:19:54,600
Just a moment before,
my body was intact and pure. Age 13
232
00:19:54,680 --> 00:20:00,130
Now somewhere deep inside
was a wound, a tear, an affliction.
233
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,600
Mom!
234
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,158
It’s not a war.
235
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,488
Not a war!
236
00:20:14,530 --> 00:20:15,298
Not a tear.
237
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,758
Not a tear!
238
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,218
Not a wound.
239
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:20,160
Not a wound!
240
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,460
It’s the start of
your monthly cycle.
241
00:20:24,030 --> 00:20:27,178
You are on your way
to becoming a woman.
242
00:20:27,220 --> 00:20:29,510
A woman!
243
00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:31,518
The worst is ahead of you.
244
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,188
The world is full of traps
set just for us women.
245
00:20:35,230 --> 00:20:37,170
Beware of everything
246
00:20:37,330 --> 00:20:39,460
Especially men.
247
00:20:40,230 --> 00:20:44,720
There are three simple rules
for a woman to succeed in life.
248
00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:48,000
One: Be a virgin until you marry.
249
00:20:48,630 --> 00:20:52,440
Two: Choose and marry well.
250
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:56,948
Three: Hold the marriage together
whatever it takes.
251
00:20:56,990 --> 00:20:58,710
But how about love?
252
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,488
Sometimes love doesn’t
work out that well
253
00:21:01,530 --> 00:21:04,058
but you still have to stay married.
254
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:08,078
So, love your children
more than your husband
255
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,968
and everything will be all right.
256
00:21:11,010 --> 00:21:12,800
Children?!
257
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,998
You have wide hips
delivery will be easy for you.
258
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,988
Before I forget - learn to cook.
259
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:23,880
Good cooking is key to keeping
your husband’s love.
260
00:21:25,230 --> 00:21:27,348
And keep your room in order!
261
00:21:27,390 --> 00:21:29,558
Mess is death.
262
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,710
Order is life.
263
00:21:32,460 --> 00:21:35,800
Become a good wife.
264
00:21:37,180 --> 00:21:40,000
What do I do with this blood?
265
00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:44,400
You bleed to be married!
266
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:49,588
Twenty eight days ago,
the pituitary gland
267
00:21:49,630 --> 00:21:52,300
released a follicle-
stimulating hormone.
268
00:21:52,530 --> 00:21:55,468
Together with estrogen
it started the process
269
00:21:55,510 --> 00:21:58,638
of Zelma’s ovaries preparing an egg
270
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,818
and thickening the lining
of her uterus to provide
271
00:22:01,860 --> 00:22:04,260
nutrients for a possible fetus.
272
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:08,868
On day fourteen an egg
was released from her ovary
273
00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:12,758
for ovulation, fertilization
and pregnancy.
274
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,858
Since Zelma didn’t have
sexual intercourse,
275
00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:18,258
no sperm fertilized the egg
276
00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:22,268
the uterus lining was not needed
and is now discharged
277
00:22:22,310 --> 00:22:26,300
causing her uterus
to bleed for the first time.
278
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,590
Age 14
279
00:22:35,860 --> 00:22:37,170
Hey you!
280
00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:39,380
Give me your money.
281
00:22:39,530 --> 00:22:41,248
I was not going to show my fear
282
00:22:41,290 --> 00:22:44,488
to a corpulent teenager
with a rusty pocket knife.
283
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:45,840
I considered my options.
284
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,278
I could fight and lose.
285
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,340
Or I could run and
save my two rubles.
286
00:22:51,590 --> 00:22:53,450
But running would be too manly.
287
00:22:53,590 --> 00:22:56,090
The womanly thing was
to plead for mercy.
288
00:22:57,260 --> 00:22:59,470
I lied like a good woman.
289
00:22:59,930 --> 00:23:01,520
I don’t have any money.
290
00:23:02,660 --> 00:23:04,210
I don’t believe you.
291
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,170
Show me your backpack.
292
00:23:07,230 --> 00:23:09,270
But I don’t have any money.
293
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:13,050
He only knew how to threaten
not how to cut people.
294
00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:17,760
Swear to your Communist Honor.
295
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,528
I had sworn to the
Communist Youth organization
296
00:23:20,570 --> 00:23:22,948
to be honest at all times.
297
00:23:22,990 --> 00:23:25,248
But Communist Honor
didn’t mean a thing to me
298
00:23:25,290 --> 00:23:27,670
compared to the shame
of being robbed.
299
00:23:28,390 --> 00:23:31,720
I swear to my Communist Honor.
300
00:23:33,330 --> 00:23:34,330
Okay.
301
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:35,660
Off you go.
302
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,098
As I started to walk away
303
00:23:38,140 --> 00:23:41,428
I looked back at the pack of
small boys cowering behind him
304
00:23:41,470 --> 00:23:45,090
like a pack of small dogs
submissive to their owner.
305
00:23:45,950 --> 00:23:49,478
My Soul Mate was short for
his age, a bit of a runt.
306
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:53,618
Maybe because he smoked two packs a day
in the boys’ room during class breaks.
307
00:23:53,660 --> 00:23:58,408
I didn’t expect him to defend me or voice
objections to robbing me in the park.
308
00:23:58,450 --> 00:24:02,128
There was no reason why anyone would
stand up for me, especially a boy
309
00:24:02,170 --> 00:24:04,690
who didn’t know he was
my future husband.
310
00:24:05,140 --> 00:24:09,938
But in that moment, I suddenly saw
that I had been mistaken.
311
00:24:09,980 --> 00:24:12,148
This was not my Soul Mate.
312
00:24:12,190 --> 00:24:15,920
I was not learning to cook for this boy
who was robbing girls in a park.
313
00:24:17,060 --> 00:24:18,670
My soul was better than that.
314
00:24:19,610 --> 00:24:22,408
I was going to save my purity
315
00:24:22,450 --> 00:24:25,470
for my true Soul Mate.
316
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,718
You have to look great for your man!
317
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,870
That’s the deal!
318
00:24:44,660 --> 00:24:49,170
Exercise your sex appeal!
319
00:24:49,820 --> 00:24:53,718
You have to look great for your man!
320
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,590
That’s the deal!
321
00:24:56,550 --> 00:25:01,850
Exercise your sex appeal!
322
00:25:03,620 --> 00:25:06,390
I wanted to be desired.
323
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,800
Age 15
324
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:20,580
You are so exquisitely beautiful
325
00:25:21,180 --> 00:25:23,950
and so mysterious
326
00:25:24,250 --> 00:25:26,670
Like Mona Lisa.
327
00:25:27,650 --> 00:25:30,438
Finally someone saw
that I was special!
328
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,458
But I couldn’t break the spell.
329
00:25:32,500 --> 00:25:35,358
Mona Lisa doesn’t move
330
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,180
she only smiles.
331
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:45,198
There was a reason why the man
gave Zelma the compliment.
332
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:50,028
Zelma’s ovaries have been producing
estrogen for over a year now.
333
00:25:50,070 --> 00:25:54,818
Together with calcium, vitamin D,
other minerals and hormones,
334
00:25:54,860 --> 00:25:58,878
estrogen has been working
to build Zelma’s bones.
335
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:04,088
Increased levels of this reproductive
hormone also make Zelma’s lips fuller
336
00:26:04,130 --> 00:26:07,098
and the skin on her cheeks
softer and redder.
337
00:26:07,140 --> 00:26:10,638
It sends cues to potential
mates that she is fertile
338
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,570
and able to carry offspring.
339
00:26:16,610 --> 00:26:19,658
I tried my newly-learned
woman’s powers
340
00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:22,598
on high school seniors
at a local discotheque. Age 16
341
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:27,118
After three dances, they always wanted
to get fresh air in a nearby park
342
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,000
where they would attempt
to suck it out of my lungs.
343
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,458
Kissing made me feel powerful.
344
00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:36,150
Their desire made
me feel in control.
345
00:26:36,390 --> 00:26:39,610
But their unforgiving urgency...
346
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:43,478
Please, don’t.
347
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,640
I can’t.
348
00:26:45,830 --> 00:26:47,090
I won’t.
349
00:26:49,030 --> 00:26:50,420
Okay then.
350
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,190
Let’s go back.
351
00:26:52,550 --> 00:26:55,180
Made me feel powerless.
352
00:26:57,090 --> 00:27:00,358
With puberty Zelma’s
prefrontal cortex,
353
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,958
the part of the brain that controls
impulses and emotions,
354
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,868
started to grow new synapses
causing her brain
355
00:27:07,910 --> 00:27:11,000
to undergo major
neural restructuring.
356
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:14,488
At the same time
her nucleus accumbens,
357
00:27:14,530 --> 00:27:18,928
the key player of the rewards
circuit, became hyperactive.
358
00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:22,978
It made Zelma easily bored
with her usual surroundings
359
00:27:23,020 --> 00:27:27,678
and motivated her to look for
new exciting experiences.
360
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,438
At this moment her underdeveloped
prefrontal cortex
361
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,408
which should control her urges
to plunge into the unknown,
362
00:27:35,450 --> 00:27:40,020
is overwhelmed by the demands
of the nucleus accumbens.
363
00:27:40,130 --> 00:27:44,340
As a result, Zelma is prone
to risky behavior.
364
00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:50,380
I had been having an urgent case
of feeling out-of-place,
365
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:55,548
so I took an overnight train to another
town. But the people of that town,
366
00:27:55,590 --> 00:27:58,908
so full of color and character
when I was back home,
367
00:27:58,950 --> 00:28:03,830
upon my arrival became
inexplicably gray and ordinary.
368
00:28:04,210 --> 00:28:06,988
So in the hope
of finding local flavor,
369
00:28:07,030 --> 00:28:09,530
I went to an art gallery.
370
00:28:10,630 --> 00:28:11,708
Age 17
371
00:28:11,750 --> 00:28:14,080
So, what’d you think?
372
00:28:15,290 --> 00:28:17,810
He was old and composed.
373
00:28:18,050 --> 00:28:22,380
I was flattered that a stranger of
that age wanted my opinion on art.
374
00:28:22,490 --> 00:28:25,298
But most likely he was
doing scientific research
375
00:28:25,340 --> 00:28:28,630
on how immature and ignorant
the new generation was.
376
00:28:28,940 --> 00:28:30,428
I decided to take his test
377
00:28:30,470 --> 00:28:33,090
and surprise him.
378
00:28:33,180 --> 00:28:37,268
I like the colors, but the
figures are a little too abstract.
379
00:28:37,310 --> 00:28:40,390
It would be good to see more
sensuality in the nudes.
380
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,040
Sensuality? Hmm.
381
00:28:43,420 --> 00:28:45,800
Your observations
are right on the mark.
382
00:28:47,340 --> 00:28:50,740
One of these paintings won a
Grand Prix at Prague Biennale.
383
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,690
Can you tell which one?
384
00:28:53,980 --> 00:28:55,590
This one is pretty good.
385
00:28:56,220 --> 00:28:58,420
You really have a great eye.
386
00:28:58,700 --> 00:28:59,840
Are you an artist?
387
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:01,330
No.
388
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,220
I am. These are my paintings.
389
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,760
The old man was an artist!
390
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,720
My heart started to beat faster
and my mouth dried up.
391
00:29:10,450 --> 00:29:12,620
Would you like to join me
for some wine?
392
00:29:12,780 --> 00:29:15,838
Spending time with an accomplished
artist would definitely
393
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:19,108
rub some of his talents
and accomplishments on me.
394
00:29:19,150 --> 00:29:23,740
He would initiate me into
the esoteric knowledge of Art.
395
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,650
What an opportunity!
396
00:29:35,890 --> 00:29:40,470
It was strange to be so close
to a stranger with no clothes on.
397
00:29:41,140 --> 00:29:43,968
His breathing and heartbeats
were vaguely familiar
398
00:29:44,010 --> 00:29:47,348
as if we had both run a
marathon in the same body,
399
00:29:47,390 --> 00:29:51,420
but now had separated back
into our own casings.
400
00:29:52,130 --> 00:29:55,478
I felt something so new
it didn’t even have a name.
401
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,438
A feeling I did have a name for was:
402
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,488
disappointment.
403
00:30:00,530 --> 00:30:02,158
Where were the fanfares?
404
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,128
The ceremonial fireworks?
405
00:30:04,170 --> 00:30:07,328
And endless bouquets of white roses?
406
00:30:07,370 --> 00:30:10,338
Where was the unity
of spirits and bodies
407
00:30:10,380 --> 00:30:13,878
melting into one magical creature?
408
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:18,158
Losing my virginity turned out
to be a very ordinary act
409
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:22,088
involving some pain and
moderate unpleasantness,
410
00:30:22,130 --> 00:30:25,878
not unlike weeding the rose bushes
in my father’s garden
411
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,698
with bare unprotected hands.
412
00:30:28,740 --> 00:30:31,428
But encountering Another Human Being
413
00:30:31,470 --> 00:30:35,648
so close for the first time
was new and frightening.
414
00:30:35,690 --> 00:30:41,880
A part of my Self had been
dissolved into the Other.
415
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,228
The electric currents from
your head are so strong.
416
00:30:46,270 --> 00:30:47,468
You're a thinker.
417
00:30:47,510 --> 00:30:50,158
He knew me without me telling him.
418
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:51,790
You are beautiful.
419
00:30:52,020 --> 00:30:54,680
I can see that you’ll get
a lot of marriage proposals.
420
00:30:54,850 --> 00:30:55,668
Wait.
421
00:30:55,710 --> 00:30:58,088
Did he mean that I’d get
a lot of marriage proposals
422
00:30:58,130 --> 00:30:59,660
while we were married?
423
00:30:59,780 --> 00:31:00,960
I was confused.
424
00:31:02,700 --> 00:31:07,658
I wanted to be part of his world,
the awards, the avant-garde crowd,
425
00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:10,760
the power of fame and recognition.
426
00:31:10,810 --> 00:31:14,360
But it seemed that losing my virginity
didn’t quite accomplish that.
427
00:31:18,850 --> 00:31:19,850
Will you...
428
00:31:20,310 --> 00:31:21,360
marry me?
429
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,908
This was what I wanted to hear.
430
00:31:23,950 --> 00:31:26,070
The key to the Promised Land.
431
00:31:28,330 --> 00:31:31,768
The skin around his eyes was
crisscrossed with wrinkles,
432
00:31:31,810 --> 00:31:34,548
and his cheeks were
slightly sagging.
433
00:31:34,590 --> 00:31:37,828
He told me he was the age of Jesus,
but I felt he only said that
434
00:31:37,870 --> 00:31:40,928
to scandalize me by
mentioning a religious figure.
435
00:31:40,970 --> 00:31:43,478
He seemed so much older than Jesus.
436
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,800
Jesus had perfectly smooth cheeks!
437
00:31:47,190 --> 00:31:49,340
I said the magic word...
438
00:31:49,690 --> 00:31:50,960
Yes.
439
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:53,530
And waited a moment.
440
00:31:54,390 --> 00:31:55,820
Nothing happened.
441
00:31:56,740 --> 00:31:59,120
The magic must take place later then.
442
00:32:00,590 --> 00:32:02,768
I needed to be alone for a moment.
443
00:32:02,810 --> 00:32:05,498
I was drowning in a sea
of unfamiliarity
444
00:32:05,540 --> 00:32:08,320
and needed to regain
my sense of self.
445
00:32:08,970 --> 00:32:11,780
Just one hour to put
my thoughts in order.
446
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:14,520
I want to go home.
447
00:32:16,950 --> 00:32:18,440
I’ll call you.
448
00:32:23,030 --> 00:32:24,758
August
449
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,868
There is no sense
of power in waiting.
450
00:32:27,910 --> 00:32:30,668
Just as a child has
to wait to grow up,
451
00:32:30,710 --> 00:32:34,928
a woman must wait for a phone call
from her future husband.
452
00:32:34,970 --> 00:32:37,178
I hoped it was time well invested,
453
00:32:37,220 --> 00:32:39,468
because every minute was torture.
454
00:32:39,510 --> 00:32:40,588
September 5
455
00:32:40,630 --> 00:32:41,758
September 12
456
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:43,198
September 28
457
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:44,048
October 2
458
00:32:44,090 --> 00:32:45,198
October 16
459
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:46,298
October 23
460
00:32:46,340 --> 00:32:47,718
October 29
461
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:48,628
November 4
462
00:32:48,670 --> 00:32:49,768
November 18
463
00:32:49,810 --> 00:32:50,908
November 23
464
00:32:50,950 --> 00:32:52,548
November 30
465
00:32:52,590 --> 00:32:55,510
December
466
00:32:55,680 --> 00:33:00,050
Six months ago, I had asked
for more time to think it over.
467
00:33:00,770 --> 00:33:03,978
I hadn’t realized then
that I was given eternity.
468
00:33:04,020 --> 00:33:05,030
Hey!
469
00:33:05,510 --> 00:33:08,948
What kind of deviant Soul Mate
sets such a trap?
470
00:33:08,990 --> 00:33:11,378
Soul Mate, my ass.
471
00:33:11,420 --> 00:33:12,888
What a slap!
472
00:33:12,930 --> 00:33:14,960
You fell into a trap!
473
00:33:16,020 --> 00:33:18,038
Your virginity
474
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,040
was a surety.
475
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:24,330
You are doomed without your purity.
476
00:33:25,110 --> 00:33:29,150
Whatcha gonna do now?
477
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:33,460
Whatcha gonna do now?
478
00:33:34,060 --> 00:33:36,470
Whatcha gonna do now?
479
00:33:36,710 --> 00:33:40,958
Zelma’s hymen was a thin membrane
in the shape of a crescent
480
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:44,118
that stretched across part
of her vaginal opening.
481
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:47,418
Its purpose was to keep
out germs and dirt.
482
00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:51,648
Although African Elephants and some
other mammals have hymens, too,
483
00:33:51,690 --> 00:33:56,510
only humans attach social
importance to the hymen.
484
00:34:01,930 --> 00:34:06,120
I have to come up with plan B.
485
00:34:19,890 --> 00:34:24,140
Part two - IMPLEMENTATION
486
00:34:27,620 --> 00:34:31,368
Sergei’s parents had a great party
the night before Sergei: Age 8
487
00:34:31,410 --> 00:34:37,808
with exuberant dancing, spirited
shouting and jubilant singing.
488
00:34:37,850 --> 00:34:40,438
Sergei had listened to it
from his bedroom,
489
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,100
angry that he was in the prison
of being a child,
490
00:34:43,460 --> 00:34:48,968
such happiness passing him by
within the mere thickness of a door.
491
00:34:49,010 --> 00:34:51,758
His parents didn’t have time
to clean the apartment
492
00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:55,238
before they left for work
in the drabness of morning.
493
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:59,908
Now the dusty air mixed with
a stench of rank potato salad,
494
00:34:59,950 --> 00:35:02,850
moldy sausage,
a slight whiff of puke...
495
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,840
and the cake tasted stale.
496
00:35:07,490 --> 00:35:11,018
There was a half-liter jar
filled to the brim with clear liquid
497
00:35:11,060 --> 00:35:12,900
that looked like water.
498
00:35:13,220 --> 00:35:16,698
Sergei knew this was the vodka
his parents emptied
499
00:35:16,740 --> 00:35:20,228
from the unfinished shot glasses
of their guests.
500
00:35:20,270 --> 00:35:24,598
In comparison with the rest of the
apartment that seemed dull and gray,
501
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:30,680
this liquid emanated bright colors
of summer green-blue sea.
502
00:35:35,190 --> 00:35:40,180
The world had become an
amazing feast of colors.
503
00:35:40,410 --> 00:35:44,318
Sergei experienced a feeling
he had never had before -
504
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,548
that he was finally whole,
505
00:35:46,590 --> 00:35:50,310
that he was complete
and at one with the world.
506
00:35:50,630 --> 00:35:52,798
He staggered towards his room,
507
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:56,590
fell into bed, and passed out.
508
00:35:58,690 --> 00:36:00,398
From the moment he was born,
509
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:04,850
Sergei was never sure if his mother
loved him or hated him.
510
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,170
You are so beautiful!
511
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:10,260
I love you!
512
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,640
Mom, my tooth hurts!
513
00:36:12,740 --> 00:36:14,490
You are such a pest!
514
00:36:14,710 --> 00:36:16,580
I hate you!
515
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,458
The continuous stress caused
Sergei’s Amygdala
516
00:36:25,500 --> 00:36:30,838
to constantly send urgent messages
to his Dorsomedial prefrontal cortex
517
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:34,048
demanding to resolve the conflict.
518
00:36:34,090 --> 00:36:39,230
This kept Sergei under
never-ending anxiety.
519
00:36:39,410 --> 00:36:42,720
A few minutes after entering
Sergei’s digestive system
520
00:36:43,300 --> 00:36:47,970
the psychoactive molecules
of alcohol flood Sergei’s brain
521
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:51,778
and attach themselves
to his GABA-A receptors.
522
00:36:51,820 --> 00:36:56,588
This hinders communication between
his overstimulated amygdala
523
00:36:56,630 --> 00:37:02,110
and his prefrontal cortex making
him feel safe for the first time.
524
00:37:02,300 --> 00:37:05,838
The alcohol also triggers
the release of endorphins
525
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,708
in the rewards pathway
of Sergei’s brain.
526
00:37:08,750 --> 00:37:12,458
It causes Sergei to
experience bliss.
527
00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:17,868
The actions of the alcohol molecules
alter Sergei’s neural pathways.
528
00:37:17,910 --> 00:37:21,950
Sergei has learned how to
step out of his suffering.
529
00:37:28,420 --> 00:37:30,920
Sergei: Age 19
530
00:37:34,820 --> 00:37:38,568
The University dormitory
was 22 stories high
531
00:37:38,610 --> 00:37:41,958
and hosted approximately
four thousand students
532
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,050
the majority of them MEN.
533
00:37:45,140 --> 00:37:47,940
I could try out my moves!
Age 19
534
00:37:52,490 --> 00:37:54,408
The attention felt good.
535
00:37:54,450 --> 00:37:56,970
So many choices!
536
00:37:58,820 --> 00:38:00,680
But it was also scary.
537
00:38:00,770 --> 00:38:03,298
There was something
very dark about men.
538
00:38:03,340 --> 00:38:08,558
Just like hungry wolves, men were capable
of tearing apart the things they loved.
539
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:13,960
They took my smile as an open invitation
to take anything they wanted.
540
00:38:15,020 --> 00:38:19,960
For self-protection I had to look
cool and inaccessible.
541
00:38:24,100 --> 00:38:26,658
To get ahead you need
to build a base,
542
00:38:26,700 --> 00:38:28,578
so at some point in our lives
543
00:38:28,620 --> 00:38:31,728
we have to form alliances
with the same sex.
544
00:38:31,770 --> 00:38:33,618
This was easy with Darya -
545
00:38:33,660 --> 00:38:36,890
we didn’t compete
for the same things.
546
00:38:36,990 --> 00:38:39,790
I love your hair.
547
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:46,570
It’s like sliding my fingers down
glowing threads of pure gold.
548
00:38:46,890 --> 00:38:51,970
The radiation saturates
my hand with light.
549
00:38:52,250 --> 00:38:55,590
Oh, but I am sure my
hair is greasy and thin.
550
00:38:55,840 --> 00:39:00,620
Would you like to borrow a book
of banned Pasternak poems?
551
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:02,000
Sure.
552
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:04,648
Have you eaten today?
553
00:39:04,690 --> 00:39:07,270
I have some buckwheat porridge
with cheese.
554
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:09,240
I don’t want food -
555
00:39:09,590 --> 00:39:12,340
it will kill my high.
556
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:16,918
My friend Darya spent her free time
drinking and doing drugs.
557
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,768
She liked men who were boyish,
like unfinished homework.
558
00:39:20,810 --> 00:39:26,310
She wanted to initiate them into
the spiritual side of narcotics.
559
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,740
God is in your hair.
560
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:35,218
Taking a small dose of LSD
561
00:39:35,260 --> 00:39:38,188
lowered the blood flow
and electric activity
562
00:39:38,230 --> 00:39:40,878
throughout Darya’s
default mode network,
563
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:43,718
which forms Darya’s sense of Self.
564
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:49,178
This causes Darya to experience
the dissolution of Self.
565
00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:54,488
She is keenly aware that she,
Darya, is at the same time
566
00:39:54,530 --> 00:39:57,578
the golden glow of Zelma’s hair.
567
00:39:57,620 --> 00:40:04,280
Darya’s prefrontal cortex
interprets this as a mystic experience.
568
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,758
Age 20
569
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,280
It was like a hunch -
570
00:40:12,810 --> 00:40:13,820
go to the right.
571
00:40:14,060 --> 00:40:15,390
So I went to the right.
572
00:40:15,940 --> 00:40:16,940
Turn left.
573
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:18,160
So I turned left.
574
00:40:18,730 --> 00:40:20,030
Open this door.
575
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:22,430
I opened that door.
576
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,000
Sergei made it.
577
00:40:32,100 --> 00:40:33,510
Who is Sergei?
578
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:37,808
You know, the most popular guy
at the parties.
579
00:40:37,850 --> 00:40:39,888
He draws sometimes.
580
00:40:39,930 --> 00:40:41,810
He's very talented.
581
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:46,130
He is over there,
if you want to meet him.
582
00:40:47,780 --> 00:40:52,430
That very moment
I knew why I was there.
583
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:54,670
You.
584
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,530
It’s you.
585
00:40:57,580 --> 00:40:59,088
That smell.
586
00:40:59,130 --> 00:41:01,910
It blows my mind.
587
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:07,068
Sergei’s odor is made up of molecules
that contain information
588
00:41:07,110 --> 00:41:09,618
about the genes of his
immune system called
589
00:41:09,660 --> 00:41:12,100
the Major Histocompatibility Complex.
590
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:17,518
As a woman Zelma has fifty percent
more olfactory cells than Sergei
591
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,618
On top of that, when
Zelma is ovulating
592
00:41:20,660 --> 00:41:23,538
her sense of smell is
heightened to the point
593
00:41:23,580 --> 00:41:26,218
that she can detect
the scent of men whose
594
00:41:26,260 --> 00:41:29,838
Major Histocompatibility Complex
is different from her own
595
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:34,308
indicating a greater possibility
for healthy offspring.
596
00:41:34,350 --> 00:41:37,548
Sergei’s Major Histocompatibility Complex
597
00:41:37,590 --> 00:41:40,430
fits hers like a glove.
598
00:41:41,500 --> 00:41:43,420
You have a nice smile.
599
00:41:48,420 --> 00:41:52,648
He was my own body and soul
under the cloak of a stranger.
600
00:41:52,690 --> 00:41:55,758
Now that the guises were off
I could see clearly -
601
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:57,728
we were one.
602
00:41:57,770 --> 00:42:00,898
I didn’t feel the limits
of my own body,
603
00:42:00,940 --> 00:42:03,598
as I didn’t feel the limits
of his body
604
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:07,090
and together we didn’t have any
limits with the endless world.
605
00:42:07,930 --> 00:42:11,238
The past had shriveled up
like an eaten apple
606
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,518
and the future expanded
in front of us
607
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,848
like a galaxy of
infinite possibilities.
608
00:42:16,890 --> 00:42:20,010
Love like this never dies.
609
00:42:20,170 --> 00:42:23,198
Love like this hardens
into a diamond
610
00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:26,680
to be discovered
a million years from now.
611
00:42:27,710 --> 00:42:31,310
We breathed as one.
612
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,740
Our hearts beat as one.
613
00:42:36,370 --> 00:42:38,768
You are mine and only mine.
614
00:42:38,810 --> 00:42:41,080
Now I will never be alone.
615
00:42:42,470 --> 00:42:44,790
Please, don’t fall asleep.
616
00:42:44,980 --> 00:42:47,448
Sleep will separate us.
617
00:42:47,490 --> 00:42:50,210
I want you to be with me
at all times.
618
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,120
He loved me.
619
00:42:57,850 --> 00:43:00,348
I did not exist before I met you.
620
00:43:00,390 --> 00:43:02,428
My soul was empty.
621
00:43:02,470 --> 00:43:04,408
You fill me with purpose.
622
00:43:04,450 --> 00:43:05,748
It feels good.
623
00:43:05,790 --> 00:43:08,398
In fact, you are so good
624
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:10,438
that all those men before me?
625
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:11,310
I forgive you.
626
00:43:11,390 --> 00:43:11,718
But...
627
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:13,010
No matter what you do,
628
00:43:13,140 --> 00:43:14,808
I will always love you.
629
00:43:14,850 --> 00:43:16,970
I will never let you go.
630
00:43:19,540 --> 00:43:20,888
Will you marry me?
631
00:43:20,930 --> 00:43:22,060
Yes!
632
00:43:22,250 --> 00:43:23,400
Yes!
633
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:26,000
Yes!
634
00:43:26,230 --> 00:43:28,848
I had cooked for him
17 times by now
635
00:43:28,890 --> 00:43:30,998
and washed his socks three times.
636
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:33,398
I wanted him to ask me this question
637
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,328
and I was afraid of it.
638
00:43:35,370 --> 00:43:37,878
But I didn’t have time
to sort out my feelings.
639
00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:41,620
It doesn’t work when you ask
a man for time to think it over.
640
00:43:42,090 --> 00:43:43,360
Yes!
641
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:50,680
It’s so much better when
you use my mom’s recipe.
642
00:43:50,910 --> 00:43:53,140
He liked my cooking!
643
00:43:53,750 --> 00:43:55,640
I will always be there for you.
644
00:43:56,180 --> 00:43:57,830
Always.
645
00:43:58,630 --> 00:44:01,220
The moment Zelma
fell in love with Sergei,
646
00:44:01,330 --> 00:44:05,388
her neurons started to release
three neurotransmitters:
647
00:44:05,430 --> 00:44:06,828
norepinephrine,
648
00:44:06,870 --> 00:44:08,078
serotonin
649
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:09,398
and dopamine.
650
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:11,970
They have three distinct
effects on Zelma.
651
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,278
Norepinephrine makes her nervous
in the presence of Sergei.
652
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:20,990
Serotonin makes her think
of nothing else but Sergei.
653
00:44:21,150 --> 00:44:24,428
Dopamine triggers an
intense rush of pleasure,
654
00:44:24,470 --> 00:44:28,278
increased energy, less need
for sleep and food,
655
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:31,420
and it gives her great focus.
656
00:44:31,590 --> 00:44:36,890
It also makes Zelma feel
invincible and euphoric.
657
00:44:45,410 --> 00:44:47,030
Aaaaaaaaah!
658
00:44:53,500 --> 00:44:55,218
My baby!
659
00:44:55,260 --> 00:44:57,208
My beloved Darya!
660
00:44:57,250 --> 00:44:59,660
Why did I do this to you?
661
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:03,930
Please open your beautiful eyes,
please look at me,
662
00:45:04,770 --> 00:45:06,860
please tell me you forgive me!
663
00:45:07,350 --> 00:45:08,350
I beg you
664
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:13,108
There was a dark secret side
to the incomprehensible adult world
665
00:45:13,150 --> 00:45:17,440
that neither books nor drugs
told us about. Age 21
666
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:22,158
What kind of world was it where
you made just one mistake
667
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,650
and you were dead?
668
00:45:25,140 --> 00:45:28,600
Somewhere between the parties
and getting drunk, high or stoned,
669
00:45:29,490 --> 00:45:31,668
Darya had gotten pregnant.
670
00:45:31,710 --> 00:45:34,878
She couldn’t believe that her body
would do such a thing,
671
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,748
so she carried on as if
nothing had changed
672
00:45:37,790 --> 00:45:41,318
until her feet and hands
started to swell.
673
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:44,258
She was too afraid
to go to a doctor.
674
00:45:44,300 --> 00:45:47,678
Besides, her mother had cursed her
for losing her virginity
675
00:45:47,720 --> 00:45:50,140
and banned her from coming home.
676
00:45:50,660 --> 00:45:54,388
Then Darya’s whole body
started to swell.
677
00:45:54,430 --> 00:45:57,850
When she had a seizure
we finally called an ambulance.
678
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:02,600
We were told that the baby had been
saved at the expense of his mother.
679
00:46:02,700 --> 00:46:06,378
Now Darya’s body was
permafrost cold,
680
00:46:06,420 --> 00:46:08,188
her skin a bluish color,
681
00:46:08,230 --> 00:46:11,870
coated with tiny ice crystals.
682
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:14,200
Forgive me, Please!
683
00:46:14,370 --> 00:46:15,530
Forgive me!
684
00:46:16,030 --> 00:46:18,000
Men don’t die like this.
685
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:20,850
Men die heroically in wars.
686
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:24,000
A woman’s death is just so... banal.
687
00:46:24,580 --> 00:46:28,030
Who dies in childbirth,
for fuck’s sake?
688
00:46:51,370 --> 00:46:52,810
In the name of the State,
689
00:46:52,890 --> 00:46:55,368
I welcome you here to honor the life
690
00:46:55,410 --> 00:46:59,340
and mark the untimely death
of the friend you loved.
691
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:02,310
Uh... Darya Mishkina
692
00:47:03,710 --> 00:47:05,988
was an outstanding citizen
693
00:47:06,030 --> 00:47:09,680
of the
Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.
694
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,798
She was also a trusted friend
and a caring daughter.
695
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:14,180
Would you like to say anything?
696
00:47:15,270 --> 00:47:17,160
Darya was a good woman.
697
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:18,850
She could take a lot of drink.
698
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:22,640
Please say goodbye
to your friend and daughter
699
00:47:23,870 --> 00:47:25,260
Darya Mishkina.
700
00:47:26,830 --> 00:47:28,330
Please close the lid.
701
00:47:30,240 --> 00:47:32,938
I declare by law of the State
702
00:47:32,980 --> 00:47:37,700
that Darya Mishkina now ceases
to be a citizen of the Soviet Union.
703
00:47:37,900 --> 00:47:39,400
She is officially
704
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,170
dead.
705
00:47:44,110 --> 00:47:46,640
Let’s honor
Darya Mishkina’s departure.
706
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:01,448
Darya was trying
to live life to the fullest
707
00:48:01,490 --> 00:48:04,218
and maybe she made a mistake or two.
708
00:48:04,260 --> 00:48:06,940
But life doesn’t come
with a detailed manual.
709
00:48:07,290 --> 00:48:09,348
Anybody can stumble.
710
00:48:09,390 --> 00:48:13,508
It was unfair that the guys
she slept with got off the hook.
711
00:48:13,550 --> 00:48:16,600
To be a woman is dangerous
and can be deadly.
712
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,900
I was so afraid to be a woman.
713
00:48:43,790 --> 00:48:47,600
The world is an incomprehensible,
complicated place.
714
00:48:47,700 --> 00:48:49,960
There are just too many shades in it.
715
00:48:50,190 --> 00:48:54,310
I get lost in all the
variations and possibilities.
716
00:48:55,190 --> 00:48:58,270
But the world, it turns out,
is very simple.
717
00:48:58,340 --> 00:49:00,048
Just like a pimple,
718
00:49:00,090 --> 00:49:02,680
The world is very simple.
719
00:49:02,970 --> 00:49:04,588
It has only two parts -
720
00:49:04,630 --> 00:49:06,418
Male and Female.
721
00:49:06,460 --> 00:49:08,348
Male is everything rational.
722
00:49:08,390 --> 00:49:10,280
Female is everything emotional.
723
00:49:10,390 --> 00:49:13,640
Men are sane! Women are vain!
724
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:15,988
You can see it in nature -
725
00:49:16,030 --> 00:49:19,038
air and earth have
different qualities, too.
726
00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:21,618
Laws of nature, by the pair:
727
00:49:21,660 --> 00:49:25,290
Yin and Yang, Earth and Air.
728
00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:30,130
Love exists to keep the world
in balance and unity.
729
00:49:30,810 --> 00:49:32,238
Women fall in love with men
730
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,480
because men are smart.
731
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:36,028
Men fall in love with women
732
00:49:36,070 --> 00:49:38,400
because men need support.
733
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:42,468
Don’t ruin the beauty
Of the natural plan.
734
00:49:42,510 --> 00:49:45,310
Your woman's duty
Is to be with a man.
735
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:49,970
Better to be a rose
Than a wild flower.
736
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:53,930
Submission is your ultimate power.
737
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:07,810
In the name of the State,
738
00:50:07,910 --> 00:50:09,930
I welcome you to this sunny hall.
739
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:13,118
Today you, the son and the daughter
740
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:16,158
of the
Union of Soviet Socialist Republics,
741
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:19,720
are joining lives together
as a Soviet family.
742
00:50:19,790 --> 00:50:22,918
Your private love becomes official.
743
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:24,638
All people of our great country
744
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:27,600
are looking at your union with hope.
745
00:50:27,660 --> 00:50:29,400
Don’t disappoint them.
746
00:50:29,660 --> 00:50:33,680
280 million people putting their
hopes on us was a lot of pressure.
747
00:50:34,850 --> 00:50:37,640
Marriage turned out to be
more public than I expected.
748
00:50:38,700 --> 00:50:42,640
As a representative of the State,
I am asking you,
749
00:50:43,450 --> 00:50:45,310
Zelma Liepa
750
00:50:45,670 --> 00:50:50,150
are you ready to fulfill the honorable
duties of wife and mother?
751
00:50:50,410 --> 00:50:51,650
Yes.
752
00:50:51,970 --> 00:50:54,518
Are you, Sergei Kholodenko,
753
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:57,560
ready to be a worthy
support to your wife?
754
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:00,080
Yes.
755
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:04,890
Please secure your union
with signatures.
756
00:51:06,890 --> 00:51:08,638
By law of the Soviet Union,
757
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,278
with your mutual agreement
witnessed and sealed,
758
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:15,158
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
759
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:16,560
You may kiss.
760
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:21,128
Dear guests and newlyweds,
761
00:51:21,170 --> 00:51:24,520
let us honor this special moment.
762
00:51:31,470 --> 00:51:33,168
Now he would always love me.
763
00:51:33,210 --> 00:51:35,278
Unconditionally, like my family.
764
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:37,438
He forgave my lack of virginity,
765
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:41,158
forgave the bad meals I made for him
when I was new to cooking.
766
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:44,748
If he forgave me that
he would forgive my bad moods,
767
00:51:44,790 --> 00:51:46,068
foul morning breath,
768
00:51:46,110 --> 00:51:47,318
my menstruation,
769
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:48,888
my yeast infections
770
00:51:48,930 --> 00:51:53,058
and my inferiority compared
to his abilities and talents.
771
00:51:53,100 --> 00:51:56,088
I was a complete woman
with this man.
772
00:51:56,130 --> 00:51:59,058
This marriage was made
to be a legend.
773
00:51:59,100 --> 00:52:03,020
It would outlast our mortal bodies.
774
00:52:07,670 --> 00:52:12,768
Zelma’s initial attraction to Sergei
was turned into a hunger for him
775
00:52:12,810 --> 00:52:14,858
with the help of oxytocin,
776
00:52:14,900 --> 00:52:18,408
a neurotransmitter hormone
that Zelma’s hypothalamus
777
00:52:18,450 --> 00:52:22,478
produces and stores
in the pituitary gland every day.
778
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,178
When Sergei caresses and cuddles
with Zelma,
779
00:52:25,220 --> 00:52:26,760
or simply holds her hand,
780
00:52:27,030 --> 00:52:30,048
the stimulation causes
the pituitary gland
781
00:52:30,090 --> 00:52:32,888
to release a large dose of oxytocin
782
00:52:32,930 --> 00:52:34,998
into Zelma’s rewards center
783
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,268
as well as in her brain areas
784
00:52:37,310 --> 00:52:41,130
which are important in inhibiting
fears and promoting trust.
785
00:52:41,530 --> 00:52:44,838
This generates in Zelma
feelings of security,
786
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:48,270
contentment and calm
when she is around Sergei,
787
00:52:48,590 --> 00:52:51,880
and anxiety and fear
when she is not.
788
00:52:52,310 --> 00:52:57,228
Continual activation of the oxytocin
receptors in Zelma’s rewards center
789
00:52:57,270 --> 00:52:59,810
makes Sergei’s presence addictive.
790
00:53:00,380 --> 00:53:03,538
Zelma’s deep, intimate
bond with Sergei
791
00:53:03,580 --> 00:53:06,450
drives her to trust his every word.
792
00:53:10,490 --> 00:53:13,698
All your friends are
snobs and perverts.
793
00:53:13,740 --> 00:53:16,098
I am afraid it might be contagious.
794
00:53:16,140 --> 00:53:18,578
Besides, they don’t like me.
795
00:53:18,620 --> 00:53:19,770
Stay away from them.
796
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:24,108
You're right. You are so right.
797
00:53:24,150 --> 00:53:26,620
Their anger is contagious.
798
00:53:27,380 --> 00:53:29,698
All my friends adore you.
799
00:53:29,740 --> 00:53:33,440
They are so smart,
though a bit socially awkward.
800
00:53:33,720 --> 00:53:35,578
You’re clever and good-looking.
801
00:53:35,620 --> 00:53:38,060
They might fall in love with you.
802
00:53:38,110 --> 00:53:40,140
I prefer you stay away from them.
803
00:53:40,950 --> 00:53:42,850
Yes, I can see that,
804
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,520
cute but socially awkward.
805
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:50,000
I am not interested
in their books and flowers.
806
00:53:50,330 --> 00:53:53,050
All you need is me.
807
00:53:53,730 --> 00:53:58,530
Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter
with pretty diverse actions.
808
00:53:58,820 --> 00:54:01,478
When released in
Zelma’s rewards center
809
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:04,478
it expedites her addiction
to Sergei.
810
00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:06,848
When released in Zelma’s amygdala
811
00:54:06,890 --> 00:54:12,178
it generates bias against people
outside her special bond.
812
00:54:12,220 --> 00:54:15,008
Oxytocin also works
in larger groups,
813
00:54:15,050 --> 00:54:17,608
holding together
like-minded individuals
814
00:54:17,650 --> 00:54:19,348
in religious organizations,
815
00:54:19,390 --> 00:54:20,658
political parties
816
00:54:20,700 --> 00:54:23,238
or fans of sports teams.
817
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:30,400
A by-product of this group bond
is hostility towards outsiders.
818
00:54:34,070 --> 00:54:36,440
Your ass is sagging there
right under the cheeks.
819
00:54:37,170 --> 00:54:38,438
Gross.
820
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:40,180
And your feet are huge.
821
00:54:40,590 --> 00:54:42,158
They look like skis.
822
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:44,138
I’ve never seen feet
like that on a woman.
823
00:54:44,180 --> 00:54:47,350
You look like a freak or a pervert.
824
00:54:53,980 --> 00:54:55,100
Halt!
825
00:54:55,290 --> 00:54:57,390
This is your fault!
826
00:54:58,310 --> 00:55:02,308
I should not have undressed
in full light in front of my husband.
827
00:55:02,350 --> 00:55:05,278
This is how a woman
loses her mystique.
828
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:07,778
A woman’s skin is better imagined,
829
00:55:07,820 --> 00:55:10,560
not when seen in all
its imperfections.
830
00:55:10,700 --> 00:55:12,790
It was my fault.
831
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:18,750
Without me, you wouldn’t
know your flaws.
832
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:24,148
I hate to be afraid to lose you.
833
00:55:24,190 --> 00:55:26,758
I wish I didn’t have these feelings.
834
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:29,108
I am scared of needing you so much.
835
00:55:29,150 --> 00:55:31,008
You've played a trick on me.
836
00:55:31,050 --> 00:55:33,170
You have bewitched me.
837
00:55:34,390 --> 00:55:36,358
Don’t be afraid.
838
00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:37,890
I am there for you.
839
00:55:44,730 --> 00:55:46,438
You don’t shake it correctly.
840
00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:49,138
You have to shake it: tat tat ah!
841
00:55:49,180 --> 00:55:51,920
But you go: tati tati tah!
842
00:55:53,150 --> 00:55:56,480
Does it matter how I shake
as long as the soup is salted?
843
00:55:56,660 --> 00:55:58,810
When you do it that way
you look stupid.
844
00:55:59,030 --> 00:56:00,838
This shaky salt
845
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:03,870
Is all your fault!
846
00:56:06,270 --> 00:56:07,788
He was right -
847
00:56:07,830 --> 00:56:13,118
a wife should be the body, blood
and soul of her husband.
848
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:16,600
She should be able to read
his mind and wishes.
849
00:56:16,980 --> 00:56:20,110
I had to try harder.
850
00:56:24,390 --> 00:56:26,770
My mother made seams
perfectly straight.
851
00:56:26,890 --> 00:56:29,270
I can’t wear clothes
that have crooked seams.
852
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:32,890
They look pretty straight to me.
853
00:56:33,570 --> 00:56:34,570
See?
854
00:56:34,830 --> 00:56:36,300
They are not.
855
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,238
Unpick the seams
and make them perfect.
856
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:42,070
Or do you want me to ask my mother
to make pants for me?
857
00:56:46,380 --> 00:56:50,968
There is only one woman
a new wife must truly fear:
858
00:56:51,010 --> 00:56:53,288
her husband’s mother.
859
00:56:53,330 --> 00:56:57,470
She will never forgive a failure
to provide for her son.
860
00:56:57,710 --> 00:56:59,090
I’ll do it.
861
00:57:05,100 --> 00:57:06,478
When I get loads of money,
862
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:08,870
I’ll rent a better
apartment downtown,
863
00:57:09,060 --> 00:57:10,958
buy a Mercedes for everyday use
864
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:13,580
and an Alfa Romeo for when I go out.
865
00:57:14,250 --> 00:57:16,390
It must have hurt his feelings
not to have a job.
866
00:57:17,130 --> 00:57:19,938
To be a man with all the
pressures to succeed
867
00:57:19,980 --> 00:57:22,100
while the world plots
obstacles in your way
868
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:24,808
had to be very demoralizing.
869
00:57:24,850 --> 00:57:28,940
The least I could do was be his safe
haven and boost his confidence.
870
00:57:30,370 --> 00:57:31,950
You are not eating?
871
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:33,810
I am not hungry.
872
00:57:33,960 --> 00:57:36,228
I hoped that we would have
a better apartment,
873
00:57:36,270 --> 00:57:37,918
that he would get a Mercedes,
874
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:40,258
that I would eat many meals.
875
00:57:40,300 --> 00:57:42,640
That he would have a job one day.
876
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:45,890
Or, that he might let me go to work.
877
00:57:50,690 --> 00:57:52,138
Come on,
878
00:57:52,180 --> 00:57:54,140
how many more do you have there?
879
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:56,708
Maybe four hours?
880
00:57:56,750 --> 00:57:58,538
I want to go with you to the party.
881
00:57:58,580 --> 00:58:00,290
Can you help me, please?
882
00:58:00,390 --> 00:58:02,400
I told you not to take the job!
883
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:05,350
But we need the money.
And it’s work at home.
884
00:58:06,130 --> 00:58:08,878
I knew you’d get stuck on
this job with a deadline.
885
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:10,468
But if you help me?
886
00:58:10,510 --> 00:58:13,058
Uh-uh-uh. I didn’t take the job.
887
00:58:13,100 --> 00:58:15,060
It’s not my responsibility.
888
00:58:16,570 --> 00:58:19,018
I hope you’ll be done with this
by the time I get back.
889
00:58:19,060 --> 00:58:20,308
I hate seeing those beads.
890
00:58:20,350 --> 00:58:23,670
They are so passé and cheap.
891
00:58:26,020 --> 00:58:27,800
This is unfair!
892
00:58:27,850 --> 00:58:32,148
A man is free to pursue his deeds.
893
00:58:32,190 --> 00:58:36,168
A woman must work on her beads.
894
00:58:36,210 --> 00:58:37,318
Get lost!
895
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:40,350
Tick Tack! He won’t come back.
896
00:58:42,310 --> 00:58:45,478
Zelma’s amygdala detects
Sergei’s departure
897
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:48,078
as a threat to Zelma’s well-being
898
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:52,688
and sends a signal to several brain
regions for additional processing.
899
00:58:52,730 --> 00:58:55,658
Together, they interpret
Sergei’s departure
900
00:58:55,700 --> 00:58:59,198
as abandonment
and social humiliation.
901
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:02,228
Zelma’s activated amygdala
then triggers
902
00:59:02,270 --> 00:59:04,408
a fear response in the hypothalamus
903
00:59:04,450 --> 00:59:06,878
that sends a signal to the
endocrine system
904
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:09,858
to release adrenaline and cortisol.
905
00:59:09,900 --> 00:59:13,238
These stress hormones
increase Zelma’s heart rate
906
00:59:13,280 --> 00:59:15,378
and boost her energy and alertness
907
00:59:15,420 --> 00:59:18,838
readying her for a
"fight-or-flight" response.
908
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:23,338
Meanwhile, Zelma’s levels
of oxytocin keep going down
909
00:59:23,380 --> 00:59:27,518
causing withdrawal symptoms
of craving and agitation.
910
00:59:27,560 --> 00:59:30,998
At the moment,
Zelma’s prefrontal cortex
911
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:35,390
struggles to keep Zelma’s
focus on the beads.
912
00:59:36,180 --> 00:59:39,170
Tick Tack! He won’t come back.
913
00:59:40,460 --> 00:59:43,590
Tick Tack! He won’t come back.
914
00:59:44,810 --> 00:59:47,990
Tick Tack! He won’t come back.
915
00:59:49,180 --> 00:59:52,120
Tick Tack! He won’t come back.
916
00:59:53,290 --> 00:59:56,310
Tick Tack! He won’t come back.
917
00:59:57,780 --> 01:00:01,940
Tick Tack! He won’t come back.
918
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:08,400
She meant nothing to me.
919
01:00:09,420 --> 01:00:12,180
It wouldn’t have happened
if you didn’t get that stupid job.
920
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:16,038
But there at the party I was by
myself, what do you expect?
921
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:18,010
I am only a man.
922
01:00:18,090 --> 01:00:21,228
She was an empty shell
compared to you.
923
01:00:21,270 --> 01:00:22,958
You are the love of my life.
924
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,380
You are everything I have.
925
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:28,608
Come on.
926
01:00:28,650 --> 01:00:30,178
You are a woman.
927
01:00:30,220 --> 01:00:32,628
You have to forgive your husband.
928
01:00:32,670 --> 01:00:34,330
And I missed you.
929
01:00:34,570 --> 01:00:37,690
Just let me hold you.
930
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:39,350
I love you.
931
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:41,450
It doesn’t seem that way.
932
01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:44,568
Love is a feeling. It is not an act.
933
01:00:44,610 --> 01:00:48,238
You can’t see it, but my love
for you is so gigantic
934
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:51,850
that trying to fit it into my body
hurts my whole being.
935
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:54,200
Come to me.
936
01:00:54,620 --> 01:00:56,220
Stop the hurt.
937
01:01:00,390 --> 01:01:04,770
Haaaah-aaaaah
938
01:01:06,270 --> 01:01:08,688
The moment Sergei touches Zelma,
939
01:01:08,730 --> 01:01:13,600
oxytocin and dopamine are released
into Zelma’s reward pathways again
940
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:16,520
causing a rush of euphoria.
941
01:01:17,570 --> 01:01:21,020
You are so special.
942
01:01:22,330 --> 01:01:24,150
Did they pay you for the job?
943
01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:25,340
Yes.
944
01:01:25,810 --> 01:01:27,560
Let me see the money.
945
01:01:29,660 --> 01:01:32,358
My friends took care
of me for two days.
946
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:36,478
Do you think all those fancy restaurants
and fine vodka were cheap?
947
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:38,698
Now I have to reciprocate.
948
01:01:38,740 --> 01:01:40,240
I’ll be back.
949
01:01:42,370 --> 01:01:43,720
I couldn’t do this.
950
01:01:44,340 --> 01:01:47,858
To be squeezed between
feelings of anger and love.
951
01:01:47,900 --> 01:01:50,378
I had to cut my ties with him.
952
01:01:50,420 --> 01:01:52,430
I wanted him to die.
953
01:01:53,470 --> 01:01:57,520
Zelma’s anger activates regions
in her cerebral cortex
954
01:01:57,670 --> 01:02:00,550
in charge of positive
approach behaviors.
955
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:04,678
Her stress hormone cortisol levels
now start to decrease
956
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:09,270
indicating that Zelma is ready
to address the problem.
957
01:02:22,410 --> 01:02:23,930
I like them.
958
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:25,880
I think I could sell these.
959
01:02:26,530 --> 01:02:28,640
But why are they not signed?
960
01:02:28,850 --> 01:02:30,530
Did God make them?
961
01:02:31,830 --> 01:02:34,348
I am not so arrogant
to think that a Divine
962
01:02:34,390 --> 01:02:36,930
creature channels its
vision through me.
963
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:39,150
Then sign the drawings.
964
01:02:40,210 --> 01:02:44,778
Like a male dog marking its territory
by pissing on street corners,
965
01:02:44,820 --> 01:02:47,520
I pissed my signature
onto my drawings.
966
01:02:48,390 --> 01:02:51,548
Before they were anonymous
like clouds in the sky.
967
01:02:51,590 --> 01:02:53,798
After putting my name
on the drawings
968
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:55,518
they became mine.
969
01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:58,470
The signature created a new me,
970
01:02:59,270 --> 01:03:00,560
the Artist.
971
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:06,240
Are you there, my love?
972
01:03:06,390 --> 01:03:09,350
Love!
973
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:13,728
Love!
974
01:03:13,770 --> 01:03:15,970
His voice was so special.
975
01:03:16,860 --> 01:03:18,470
He was unforgettable.
976
01:03:20,330 --> 01:03:22,990
Do we have to shout?
977
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:25,140
Work it out!
978
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:27,558
Get back together!
979
01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:30,580
Marriage is forever!
980
01:03:31,270 --> 01:03:32,790
I am sorry.
981
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:35,798
He was sorry and I was sorry.
982
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:37,688
We had learned from our mistakes.
983
01:03:37,730 --> 01:03:42,778
We had to be together, because this
was a marriage forged by Destiny.
984
01:03:42,820 --> 01:03:45,430
It was love.
985
01:03:47,530 --> 01:03:48,638
I missed you.
986
01:03:48,680 --> 01:03:50,958
Nothing tastes the same without you.
987
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:52,740
I need you.
988
01:03:53,660 --> 01:03:54,848
I am back.
989
01:03:54,890 --> 01:03:56,928
Nothing compares with you.
990
01:03:56,970 --> 01:04:00,448
You are part of me,
I am part of you.
991
01:04:00,490 --> 01:04:03,870
This time we’ll make it work.
992
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:09,538
What influenced Zelma’s decision
to return to Sergei?
993
01:04:09,580 --> 01:04:13,970
Let’s go back to the powerful
neurotransmitter oxytocin.
994
01:04:14,330 --> 01:04:18,178
Besides other functions,
oxytocin is a key component
995
01:04:18,220 --> 01:04:20,668
in uterine contractions
at childbirth
996
01:04:20,710 --> 01:04:23,220
and releasing milk
when breastfeeding.
997
01:04:23,300 --> 01:04:27,558
Because Zelma’s estrogen multiplies
the effects of oxytocin
998
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:32,818
she experiences oxytocin withdrawal
more painfully than Sergei.
999
01:04:32,860 --> 01:04:36,658
And she is more susceptible
to the oxytocin high
1000
01:04:36,700 --> 01:04:39,768
when it flows in her brain
once again.
1001
01:04:39,810 --> 01:04:44,938
But the feeling of love lasts only
as long as Zelma and Sergei
1002
01:04:44,980 --> 01:04:49,790
are both able to extend
the effects of oxytocin.
1003
01:04:55,640 --> 01:04:57,608
You know why I am so hung up on you?
1004
01:04:57,650 --> 01:05:01,460
Because I feel that at any moment
I’ll break you in.
1005
01:05:01,750 --> 01:05:04,560
You are so soft and pliant
on the surface,
1006
01:05:04,870 --> 01:05:07,610
but there is some part
of you that is tough.
1007
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:10,400
I know that one day I’ll tame you.
1008
01:05:10,940 --> 01:05:15,290
Remember, no one can possibly
love you more than me.
1009
01:05:15,450 --> 01:05:16,520
Uh-huh
1010
01:05:16,670 --> 01:05:18,938
I am very supportive of you.
1011
01:05:18,980 --> 01:05:20,100
Yes.
1012
01:05:20,340 --> 01:05:23,888
I am so happy the gallery
likes your work.
1013
01:05:23,930 --> 01:05:27,598
But this is such a beautiful day.
1014
01:05:27,640 --> 01:05:29,008
Please stay.
1015
01:05:29,050 --> 01:05:30,698
Spend the whole day with me.
1016
01:05:30,740 --> 01:05:32,020
Just one day.
1017
01:05:32,160 --> 01:05:33,630
You can come with me.
1018
01:05:33,810 --> 01:05:35,860
No, you stay with me.
1019
01:05:38,310 --> 01:05:40,400
I will never let you go.
1020
01:05:40,700 --> 01:05:42,640
Let me through.
1021
01:05:53,770 --> 01:05:56,188
You can’t be more
successful than me.
1022
01:05:56,230 --> 01:05:59,060
That’s not good for the marriage.
1023
01:05:59,440 --> 01:06:03,600
The moment I was certain I was going to
die from the hands of the man I loved,
1024
01:06:03,650 --> 01:06:04,978
the man I used to love,
1025
01:06:05,020 --> 01:06:10,220
I realized that I wanted to sign a
thousand more drawings before I died.
1026
01:06:14,190 --> 01:06:16,150
I am sorry.
1027
01:06:16,910 --> 01:06:18,488
Please forgive me.
1028
01:06:18,530 --> 01:06:21,598
We are both at fault, but this
time I’ll make an exception
1029
01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:23,238
and won’t ask you to apologize.
1030
01:06:23,280 --> 01:06:25,400
I am asking you to forgive me.
1031
01:06:26,100 --> 01:06:27,260
Please.
1032
01:06:28,060 --> 01:06:29,420
I love you.
1033
01:06:31,340 --> 01:06:33,490
Love is just a word for you.
1034
01:06:39,620 --> 01:06:41,258
Love is a destruction,
1035
01:06:41,300 --> 01:06:42,518
an obsession,
1036
01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:44,128
a manipulation.
1037
01:06:44,170 --> 01:06:46,120
Love is a disease.
1038
01:06:47,570 --> 01:06:50,578
Love had brought me to
a deep hidden place
1039
01:06:50,620 --> 01:06:54,408
where I found so much anger,
resentment and violence
1040
01:06:54,450 --> 01:06:57,298
I could start a thousand wars.
1041
01:06:57,340 --> 01:06:59,000
It had to stop.
1042
01:06:59,250 --> 01:07:03,840
I vowed that I would
never love again.
1043
01:07:08,690 --> 01:07:10,358
You will never make it alone.
1044
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:11,740
Alone!
1045
01:07:11,840 --> 01:07:14,880
Without me you are a
dumpling without a filling.
1046
01:07:14,960 --> 01:07:16,220
No filling!
1047
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:19,938
Age 25
1048
01:07:19,980 --> 01:07:23,090
I have to come up with plan C.
1049
01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:37,760
Part three - RECONSIDERATION
1050
01:07:46,840 --> 01:07:49,588
Bo: Age 8
Bo’s parents had a party the night before
1051
01:07:49,630 --> 01:07:52,648
and didn’t have time to clean up
before leaving for work,
1052
01:07:52,690 --> 01:07:56,028
so the apartment was a mess.
1053
01:07:56,070 --> 01:07:59,998
Usually Bo and his sister were barred
from entering their parent’s bedroom,
1054
01:08:00,040 --> 01:08:04,728
as if it was a sanctuary, where
only adults were permitted.
1055
01:08:04,770 --> 01:08:08,178
Now the door to the room
was half open.
1056
01:08:08,220 --> 01:08:11,678
He remembered the dress
his mother wore to the party
1057
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,310
and had an urge to look at it.
1058
01:08:22,250 --> 01:08:25,548
Nothing fit, but with
a gnawing feeling
1059
01:08:25,590 --> 01:08:28,898
that this was so right and so good,
1060
01:08:28,940 --> 01:08:31,678
Bo turned to the wall mirror.
1061
01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:34,470
The moment he saw
his own reflection,
1062
01:08:34,570 --> 01:08:39,460
he felt complete and
at one with the world.
1063
01:08:45,390 --> 01:08:49,438
As a fetus Bo experienced
fluctuating levels
1064
01:08:49,480 --> 01:08:50,838
of estrogen,
1065
01:08:50,880 --> 01:08:52,098
testosterone,
1066
01:08:52,140 --> 01:08:53,598
and other hormones.
1067
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:57,670
This left an impact on his brain.
1068
01:09:16,430 --> 01:09:20,550
Age 28
1069
01:09:20,810 --> 01:09:23,918
People always like to know
how lovers met
1070
01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:25,828
and how they fell in love.
1071
01:09:25,870 --> 01:09:29,460
As if it could give them
a map to their own fate.
1072
01:09:33,660 --> 01:09:36,378
The Soviet Union went down swiftly,
1073
01:09:36,420 --> 01:09:38,298
covering us all with dust.
1074
01:09:38,340 --> 01:09:39,868
The economy collapsed,
1075
01:09:39,910 --> 01:09:41,478
then it collapsed again
1076
01:09:41,520 --> 01:09:43,398
and when you thought
it couldn’t get worse,
1077
01:09:43,440 --> 01:09:45,430
it collapsed again.
1078
01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:52,018
Only a few men knew how to negotiate
with other well-positioned men
1079
01:09:52,060 --> 01:09:53,768
to make a living in this world
1080
01:09:53,810 --> 01:09:56,008
where public property
was appropriated
1081
01:09:56,050 --> 01:09:59,878
in the shadows by the most
connected and quick.
1082
01:09:59,920 --> 01:10:03,178
The new rich showed up,
defiantly flashing their wealth,
1083
01:10:03,220 --> 01:10:06,770
making honest work seem
like a fool’s errand.
1084
01:10:10,250 --> 01:10:14,718
In the Soviet Union women were
considered part of the workforce.
1085
01:10:14,760 --> 01:10:17,878
Now we were looked on
as a commodity.
1086
01:10:17,920 --> 01:10:23,640
And of course, you had to dress a
certain way to be paid for your services.
1087
01:10:24,410 --> 01:10:27,510
A smart woman looks weak
1088
01:10:28,260 --> 01:10:30,560
Like she can’t make a living.
1089
01:10:32,680 --> 01:10:36,070
A wise woman is meek
1090
01:10:36,640 --> 01:10:39,408
And thrives on a man’s giving.
1091
01:10:39,450 --> 01:10:42,640
Aaaaah - Aaaaah
1092
01:10:45,470 --> 01:10:46,618
Smart
1093
01:10:46,660 --> 01:10:47,660
Weak
1094
01:10:49,740 --> 01:10:50,748
Wise
1095
01:10:50,790 --> 01:10:51,328
Meek
1096
01:10:51,370 --> 01:10:55,398
I didn’t have a man and the new rich
didn’t understand my work,
1097
01:10:55,440 --> 01:10:57,808
so I barely made a living.
1098
01:10:57,850 --> 01:10:59,968
I had a sinking feeling that my life
1099
01:11:00,010 --> 01:11:03,870
was turning into a slow death.
1100
01:11:10,240 --> 01:11:11,300
Hello?
1101
01:11:12,200 --> 01:11:13,750
This is for you.
1102
01:11:14,290 --> 01:11:15,290
Yes?
1103
01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:17,470
I miss you so much!
1104
01:11:17,530 --> 01:11:19,548
A rich patron keeps buying my work.
1105
01:11:19,590 --> 01:11:21,448
I can’t spend all the money.
1106
01:11:21,490 --> 01:11:23,268
Please come back.
1107
01:11:23,310 --> 01:11:25,040
You won’t be sorry.
1108
01:11:25,310 --> 01:11:28,128
Money could solve
a lot of my problems,
1109
01:11:28,170 --> 01:11:30,670
but could it change
the essence of me?
1110
01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:36,060
Zelma
1111
01:11:36,140 --> 01:11:39,100
you are not a bad looking woman.
1112
01:11:39,210 --> 01:11:40,768
If you plucked your eyebrows
1113
01:11:40,810 --> 01:11:42,728
and wore short skirts
1114
01:11:42,770 --> 01:11:45,088
you’d be able to get a rich guy
1115
01:11:45,130 --> 01:11:47,430
who would take care of you.
1116
01:11:47,580 --> 01:11:48,830
Uh-uh.
1117
01:11:53,310 --> 01:11:55,678
I put your name down
for a trip to Denmark
1118
01:11:55,720 --> 01:11:59,250
for an arts opening. Will you go?
1119
01:12:01,990 --> 01:12:08,540
This was to be my first trip to the West.
I put my best clothes on.
1120
01:12:17,150 --> 01:12:20,928
I was afraid to touch
the food on the trays.
1121
01:12:20,970 --> 01:12:23,060
It was so unfamiliar.
1122
01:12:23,960 --> 01:12:29,528
For the first time I noticed that the skin
of my people had a greenish gray tint.
1123
01:12:29,570 --> 01:12:31,308
Was it because our food back home
1124
01:12:31,350 --> 01:12:33,760
was particularly deprived
of nutrition?
1125
01:12:34,090 --> 01:12:37,008
Then I noticed how ill-fitting
my clothes were.
1126
01:12:37,050 --> 01:12:39,218
Fearing that the perfect
people of the West
1127
01:12:39,260 --> 01:12:43,460
would discover my other flaws,
I stepped aside.
1128
01:12:50,310 --> 01:12:52,108
It was nice work -
1129
01:12:52,150 --> 01:12:55,640
perverse and innocent
at the same time.
1130
01:12:56,520 --> 01:13:01,630
This was the moment that later I kept
reexamining over and over and over,
1131
01:13:01,810 --> 01:13:06,390
as if it were the poison that
also contained its antidote.
1132
01:13:06,820 --> 01:13:09,438
There was nothing familiar
about this man.
1133
01:13:09,480 --> 01:13:11,678
He might as well have been an alien.
1134
01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:14,120
I sensed a hostility towards me.
1135
01:13:14,530 --> 01:13:15,800
I didn’t like him.
1136
01:13:16,180 --> 01:13:18,050
Do you speak English?
1137
01:13:18,230 --> 01:13:20,798
Now, about my abilities
to learn English.
1138
01:13:20,840 --> 01:13:23,058
Here’s what my English
teachers had to say.
1139
01:13:23,100 --> 01:13:24,268
No grammar!
1140
01:13:24,310 --> 01:13:25,968
No pronunciation!
1141
01:13:26,010 --> 01:13:27,600
No comprehension!
1142
01:13:27,720 --> 01:13:30,100
You will never speak English!
1143
01:13:30,820 --> 01:13:32,838
That was not very motivating,
1144
01:13:32,880 --> 01:13:36,490
so I decided to learn
English in my sleep.
1145
01:13:37,690 --> 01:13:39,510
English...
1146
01:13:40,250 --> 01:13:41,390
mini.
1147
01:13:42,430 --> 01:13:45,838
My... name... is... Bo.
1148
01:13:45,880 --> 01:13:49,058
I am... from... Sweden.
1149
01:13:49,100 --> 01:13:51,430
This... is my work.
1150
01:13:52,370 --> 01:13:55,550
Oh, he was very talented.
1151
01:13:56,210 --> 01:13:57,300
Zelma.
1152
01:13:57,800 --> 01:14:00,198
Being so close to his
perfectly made clothes
1153
01:14:00,240 --> 01:14:02,248
made me ashamed to be from the East.
1154
01:14:02,290 --> 01:14:04,918
He must have despised
my falling apart shoes,
1155
01:14:04,960 --> 01:14:07,418
self-made skirts with crooked seams
1156
01:14:07,460 --> 01:14:10,110
and my big, unwomanly feet.
1157
01:14:11,710 --> 01:14:14,858
Would... you... like to...
1158
01:14:14,900 --> 01:14:16,090
dance?
1159
01:14:16,280 --> 01:14:19,068
But he was kind to ask
me to dance with him.
1160
01:14:19,110 --> 01:14:23,010
It gave me a chance to show
that I was good at something.
1161
01:14:42,540 --> 01:14:44,738
Since I didn’t speak much English
1162
01:14:44,780 --> 01:14:47,350
kissing was another way
of having a conversation.
1163
01:14:48,230 --> 01:14:50,928
It felt... interesting.
1164
01:14:50,970 --> 01:14:53,100
I could taste our
cultural differences.
1165
01:14:53,960 --> 01:14:57,468
Because I didn’t like him,
I felt in control.
1166
01:14:57,510 --> 01:15:00,800
I could never love this stranger.
1167
01:15:01,360 --> 01:15:06,208
Trillions of bacteria live on
and in the human body.
1168
01:15:06,250 --> 01:15:10,868
Together, these bacteria make up
the human microbiome.
1169
01:15:10,910 --> 01:15:14,508
Because of their dietal
and life style differences
1170
01:15:14,550 --> 01:15:19,738
Zelma and Bo each emit a unique
blend of microbes into the air
1171
01:15:19,780 --> 01:15:23,038
from their individual
human microbiomes.
1172
01:15:23,080 --> 01:15:27,408
For example, Zelma spent most
of her childhood unsupervised
1173
01:15:27,450 --> 01:15:30,828
and had less than excellent
hygienic habits.
1174
01:15:30,870 --> 01:15:33,558
As a result she was
intimately familiar
1175
01:15:33,600 --> 01:15:36,760
with lice and a variety
of parasitic worms.
1176
01:15:37,020 --> 01:15:41,598
Bo, on the contrary, grew up
in a more sterile environment
1177
01:15:41,640 --> 01:15:45,928
and didn’t have the habit of eating
sauerkraut on the verge of spoiling.
1178
01:15:45,970 --> 01:15:48,098
So when Bo kisses Zelma,
1179
01:15:48,140 --> 01:15:52,158
they enter each other’s
microbial cloud and indeed,
1180
01:15:52,200 --> 01:15:57,410
from it they are able to sense
their cultural differences.
1181
01:16:02,910 --> 01:16:05,200
Go ahead, don’t be bothered by us.
1182
01:16:05,320 --> 01:16:07,600
We’ll be quiet. We’ll just watch.
1183
01:16:08,850 --> 01:16:13,478
He was so vulnerable and fragile
against the heartless world.
1184
01:16:13,520 --> 01:16:15,348
I had to protect him.
1185
01:16:15,390 --> 01:16:18,100
There was only one way
to deal with this.
1186
01:16:18,180 --> 01:16:21,780
Strong curses in Russian
1187
01:16:22,660 --> 01:16:23,280
Oh.
1188
01:16:23,330 --> 01:16:24,760
I guess we are not welcome.
1189
01:16:25,600 --> 01:16:27,118
Come on, let’s go.
1190
01:16:27,160 --> 01:16:28,160
Yeah.
1191
01:16:31,530 --> 01:16:35,070
Wow! Whatever you said
was super effective!
1192
01:16:35,540 --> 01:16:36,698
Perverts.
1193
01:16:36,740 --> 01:16:38,400
Not normal.
1194
01:16:41,450 --> 01:16:44,368
He needed me to navigate
the brutality of the world.
1195
01:16:44,410 --> 01:16:46,208
My heart started to beat faster.
1196
01:16:46,250 --> 01:16:48,568
I had to touch him again,
deeper this time.
1197
01:16:48,610 --> 01:16:50,928
By melting into his
goodness and innocence
1198
01:16:50,970 --> 01:16:53,200
I would lose my corrupted ways.
1199
01:16:53,560 --> 01:16:57,220
I could barely constrain
the overwhelming want.
1200
01:16:59,370 --> 01:17:01,310
I like it when you smile.
1201
01:17:01,630 --> 01:17:03,720
He liked me.
1202
01:17:07,920 --> 01:17:12,038
We were wrapped around
each other breathing in sync,
1203
01:17:12,080 --> 01:17:15,438
and as our hearts slowed
down readying for sleep,
1204
01:17:15,480 --> 01:17:18,018
they started to beat in sync, too.
1205
01:17:18,060 --> 01:17:21,518
Our body temperatures that at first
felt different to the touch -
1206
01:17:21,560 --> 01:17:23,408
Bo’s colder, mine warmer,
1207
01:17:23,450 --> 01:17:26,218
now under the blanket
became the same.
1208
01:17:26,260 --> 01:17:29,518
The border between
the two bodies vanished.
1209
01:17:29,560 --> 01:17:34,520
We became a creature of two heads,
four legs and four arms.
1210
01:17:35,080 --> 01:17:38,600
You are my mute princess.
1211
01:17:39,920 --> 01:17:44,258
The next day I felt a glowing hope
that the chaos of the world
1212
01:17:44,300 --> 01:17:46,798
could arrange itself
in an orderly structure
1213
01:17:46,840 --> 01:17:50,598
where my pain could be erased
as long as his magic touch
1214
01:17:50,640 --> 01:17:55,110
poured its divine balm,
soothing my fears and angst.
1215
01:17:55,190 --> 01:17:58,220
I was in love again.
1216
01:17:59,200 --> 01:18:02,128
Love! Love! Love!
1217
01:18:02,170 --> 01:18:04,750
No more pain!
1218
01:18:05,180 --> 01:18:08,198
Love! Love! Love!
1219
01:18:08,240 --> 01:18:12,880
All sun no rain!
1220
01:18:15,020 --> 01:18:19,258
Zelma’s attraction to Bo,
an unfamiliar type of man to her,
1221
01:18:19,300 --> 01:18:22,238
increases the levels
of her stress hormones
1222
01:18:22,280 --> 01:18:23,208
adrenaline,
1223
01:18:23,250 --> 01:18:24,448
norepinephrine
1224
01:18:24,490 --> 01:18:25,548
and cortisol.
1225
01:18:25,590 --> 01:18:29,320
These stress hormones give
Zelma a surge of energy.
1226
01:18:29,500 --> 01:18:33,158
When dopamine is added into
this neurotransmitter cocktail
1227
01:18:33,200 --> 01:18:36,808
it all leads to side effects
such as increased heart rate,
1228
01:18:36,850 --> 01:18:38,688
loss of appetite and sleep,
1229
01:18:38,730 --> 01:18:41,310
and an intense feeling
of excitement.
1230
01:18:45,388 --> 01:18:46,868
I’ll call you!
1231
01:18:51,080 --> 01:18:53,518
It was impossible to be back home.
1232
01:18:53,560 --> 01:18:55,438
I felt like an inflated balloon
1233
01:18:55,480 --> 01:18:59,350
trying to fit into a shoebox that
couldn’t accommodate its new size.
1234
01:18:59,640 --> 01:19:01,958
Familiar gray shabby buildings,
1235
01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:05,148
gray malevolent people
and a bleak looking future
1236
01:19:05,190 --> 01:19:07,200
made me despair.
1237
01:19:07,550 --> 01:19:09,220
But I also had hope.
1238
01:19:09,990 --> 01:19:13,820
I was in love with a foreigner.
1239
01:19:20,980 --> 01:19:22,030
Hello?
1240
01:19:22,160 --> 01:19:24,320
Hello? Are you there?
1241
01:19:24,560 --> 01:19:27,788
You were a dream made
of virtue and sweetness
1242
01:19:27,830 --> 01:19:32,088
that could fill all my foul
emptiness in one sweep.
1243
01:19:32,130 --> 01:19:35,208
Being away from you was
a never-ending suffering.
1244
01:19:35,250 --> 01:19:38,350
I wished I could tell you all this.
1245
01:19:40,930 --> 01:19:42,270
Yes.
1246
01:19:46,170 --> 01:19:48,678
How could everything
I felt and thought
1247
01:19:48,720 --> 01:19:51,060
be reduced to a mere pictogram?
1248
01:19:51,880 --> 01:19:55,458
I wished I had enough words to
communicate my complicated thoughts
1249
01:19:55,500 --> 01:19:57,968
and nuanced feelings.
1250
01:19:58,010 --> 01:20:01,128
I should have put more effort
into studying English.
1251
01:20:01,170 --> 01:20:04,968
I wanted to lay in front
of him the truth...
1252
01:20:05,010 --> 01:20:07,688
I was a victim of bad circumstances,
1253
01:20:07,730 --> 01:20:10,338
bad men and bad parenting.
1254
01:20:10,380 --> 01:20:11,948
Nothing was my fault.
1255
01:20:11,990 --> 01:20:15,048
If I were born in Sweden,
I would have grown perfect,
1256
01:20:15,090 --> 01:20:18,578
beautiful and blond just like Bo.
1257
01:20:18,620 --> 01:20:22,458
But I was born in the Soviet Union
where perfection was punished,
1258
01:20:22,500 --> 01:20:23,838
tallness diminished,
1259
01:20:23,880 --> 01:20:26,880
and blondness made bland.
1260
01:20:28,860 --> 01:20:30,568
I am asking again:
1261
01:20:30,610 --> 01:20:33,008
do you think we could
give it a fresh start?
1262
01:20:33,050 --> 01:20:34,100
I am rich now.
1263
01:20:34,210 --> 01:20:37,078
I sold a painting
for a million rubles.
1264
01:20:37,120 --> 01:20:38,540
I can save you.
1265
01:20:39,150 --> 01:20:41,250
A million rubles?
1266
01:20:41,590 --> 01:20:44,070
Is that before or after inflation?
1267
01:20:45,770 --> 01:20:47,910
At least I would like to see you.
1268
01:20:50,190 --> 01:20:52,388
HE had to save me.
1269
01:20:52,430 --> 01:20:53,930
It was urgent!
1270
01:20:56,100 --> 01:20:57,120
Hello.
1271
01:20:58,800 --> 01:21:00,838
My... ah...
1272
01:21:00,880 --> 01:21:01,938
ex...
1273
01:21:01,980 --> 01:21:03,338
wants...
1274
01:21:03,380 --> 01:21:04,480
visit.
1275
01:21:04,650 --> 01:21:07,400
Oh, no! Please wait for me!
1276
01:21:07,580 --> 01:21:11,430
And sometimes our wishes
are expedited.
1277
01:21:17,740 --> 01:21:21,328
I wanted to talk to my lover
until my mouth was dry.
1278
01:21:21,370 --> 01:21:24,908
The essence of me could only be
communicated through language.
1279
01:21:24,950 --> 01:21:27,060
I had to get through to him!
1280
01:21:30,690 --> 01:21:34,178
Oh, Bo, I so happy to see you!
1281
01:21:34,220 --> 01:21:36,728
There is much I want to tell to you.
1282
01:21:36,770 --> 01:21:39,438
If I not beautiful enough for you,
1283
01:21:39,480 --> 01:21:42,850
you should know that I been
victim of bad circumstances,
1284
01:21:43,670 --> 01:21:47,200
bad men, bad parenting. If I...
1285
01:21:47,600 --> 01:21:51,778
Unexpectedly, after our
five-day separation
1286
01:21:51,820 --> 01:21:54,480
I spoke perfect English.
1287
01:21:54,850 --> 01:21:57,118
Where perfection was punished,
1288
01:21:57,160 --> 01:22:00,098
tallness diminished,
and blondness made bland.
1289
01:22:00,140 --> 01:22:01,368
The gold of you...
1290
01:22:01,410 --> 01:22:02,828
What happened?
1291
01:22:02,870 --> 01:22:04,930
You were my mute princess!
1292
01:22:05,020 --> 01:22:09,570
Now like Jesus walking on water,
you can speak!
1293
01:22:09,900 --> 01:22:13,588
Love obliterates obstacles!
1294
01:22:13,630 --> 01:22:14,638
Love! Love!
1295
01:22:14,680 --> 01:22:18,388
Love generates miracles!
1296
01:22:18,430 --> 01:22:19,348
Love! Love!
1297
01:22:19,390 --> 01:22:24,028
Love is so full of power
1298
01:22:24,070 --> 01:22:27,498
It can teach a language in one hour!
1299
01:22:27,540 --> 01:22:29,570
Love!
1300
01:22:30,560 --> 01:22:31,978
But I have hope.
1301
01:22:32,020 --> 01:22:34,708
You will save me from myself.
1302
01:22:34,750 --> 01:22:36,888
You will fill me with your goodness
1303
01:22:36,930 --> 01:22:40,000
and I will never be bad ever again.
1304
01:22:45,850 --> 01:22:51,018
Falling in love with Bo rapidly increased
the stress hormone cortisol
1305
01:22:51,060 --> 01:22:55,308
in Zelma’s blood stream and the
secretion of a protein molecule
1306
01:22:55,350 --> 01:22:58,078
known as the Nerve Growth Factor.
1307
01:22:58,120 --> 01:23:01,558
The Nerve Growth Factor
generates new neurons
1308
01:23:01,600 --> 01:23:04,128
and can rewire neural pathways.
1309
01:23:04,170 --> 01:23:07,858
It may help a person who has
fallen in love with a foreigner
1310
01:23:07,900 --> 01:23:11,038
to adjust to a completely
new environment
1311
01:23:11,080 --> 01:23:15,108
or, like in Zelma’s case,
rouse dormant pathways
1312
01:23:15,150 --> 01:23:18,520
to a forgotten language
learned in half sleep.
1313
01:23:23,080 --> 01:23:27,018
When I looked at my environment afresh
through my gentle lover’s eyes
1314
01:23:27,060 --> 01:23:31,510
I saw with alarm that it was
unsophisticated and dangerous.
1315
01:23:36,250 --> 01:23:37,688
Uhhh! Look at that!
1316
01:23:37,730 --> 01:23:40,608
You can’t tell which of them
is a girl and which is a guy.
1317
01:23:40,650 --> 01:23:42,650
Hair is the same length.
1318
01:23:42,850 --> 01:23:44,320
Lesbians.
1319
01:23:45,230 --> 01:23:46,608
What are you looking at?
1320
01:23:46,650 --> 01:23:48,430
Haven’t you seen people kiss before?
1321
01:23:48,760 --> 01:23:49,910
Buzz off!
1322
01:23:51,320 --> 01:23:54,850
It’s a guy. With a girl. It’s okay.
1323
01:23:56,180 --> 01:23:57,420
Perverts.
1324
01:24:03,100 --> 01:24:06,480
We rented an apartment
to keep our love undisturbed.
1325
01:24:06,810 --> 01:24:08,968
I knew my prayers had been answered.
1326
01:24:09,010 --> 01:24:11,970
I had finally met a good man
who would take care of me.
1327
01:24:12,680 --> 01:24:14,910
You are the one.
1328
01:24:15,290 --> 01:24:19,050
Every moment we were apart
was filled with agony.
1329
01:24:19,580 --> 01:24:23,510
Every reunion was celebrated
as the ultimate glory.
1330
01:24:24,190 --> 01:24:26,390
You are the one.
1331
01:24:26,880 --> 01:24:28,868
We had sex before breakfast.
1332
01:24:28,910 --> 01:24:30,818
We had sex after breakfast.
1333
01:24:30,860 --> 01:24:32,748
We had sex soon after lunch
1334
01:24:32,790 --> 01:24:35,540
and we had sex before
the separation of sleep.
1335
01:24:36,560 --> 01:24:38,890
In between we went sightseeing.
1336
01:24:48,750 --> 01:24:49,800
Um...
1337
01:24:49,970 --> 01:24:51,580
Zelma Liepa,
1338
01:24:51,850 --> 01:24:52,900
ah...
1339
01:24:53,110 --> 01:24:54,380
will you
1340
01:24:54,840 --> 01:24:56,020
marry me?
1341
01:24:56,270 --> 01:24:57,808
I was taken aback.
1342
01:24:57,850 --> 01:25:00,640
Was it normal in the West
to propose so soon?
1343
01:25:00,720 --> 01:25:02,250
And what should I say?
1344
01:25:02,400 --> 01:25:05,140
Once I asked for time to think it
over and it didn’t end well.
1345
01:25:05,350 --> 01:25:08,030
Then I said ’yes’ immediately
and it still didn’t work.
1346
01:25:09,220 --> 01:25:11,868
I looked into his eyes and
saw that my hesitation
1347
01:25:11,910 --> 01:25:14,908
was keeping him in painful suspense.
1348
01:25:14,950 --> 01:25:19,878
Love means: never be the cause
of your lover’s suffering.
1349
01:25:19,920 --> 01:25:22,598
What if there was a cosmic
necessity in our union?
1350
01:25:22,640 --> 01:25:26,368
The collapse of the Iron Curtain
united the East and West of Europe.
1351
01:25:26,410 --> 01:25:29,600
Our marriage would be a union
of East and West, too.
1352
01:25:30,530 --> 01:25:32,768
He could make me happy.
1353
01:25:32,810 --> 01:25:34,720
I would never have to suffer again.
1354
01:25:35,170 --> 01:25:38,478
Love is great, but marriage
is greater than love.
1355
01:25:38,520 --> 01:25:40,760
He was the one.
1356
01:25:41,520 --> 01:25:43,560
Bo Larsson,
1357
01:25:44,270 --> 01:25:45,168
yes.
1358
01:25:45,210 --> 01:25:49,940
Haaaaah-aaaaah!!!
1359
01:25:50,040 --> 01:25:51,198
What I meant was -
1360
01:25:51,240 --> 01:25:53,430
"yes, I would marry you
sometime in the future"...
1361
01:25:55,720 --> 01:25:58,570
Let’s go!
What a great day to get married!
1362
01:25:58,820 --> 01:26:02,240
But I didn’t realize the future
was the next day.
1363
01:26:02,370 --> 01:26:04,010
Today?
1364
01:26:06,690 --> 01:26:08,208
We have to be together.
1365
01:26:08,250 --> 01:26:09,828
I know this is right.
1366
01:26:09,870 --> 01:26:14,060
I - I didn’t tell you but my
grandmother’s name was Zelma, too.
1367
01:26:14,880 --> 01:26:19,148
This is too meaningful: Zelma Larsson,
a hundred years later.
1368
01:26:19,190 --> 01:26:21,640
It’s supernatural. It’s meant to be.
1369
01:26:22,950 --> 01:26:24,800
Please, hurry.
1370
01:26:25,150 --> 01:26:27,728
I didn’t know that he wanted me
to change my name.
1371
01:26:27,770 --> 01:26:28,940
I was an artist.
1372
01:26:29,060 --> 01:26:32,840
My name was signed on too many
drawings to give it up without a fight.
1373
01:26:33,230 --> 01:26:37,468
But I saw that Bo was on fire.
His urgency was burning him.
1374
01:26:37,510 --> 01:26:42,418
I could not increase his pain by demands
like "I am keeping my name".
1375
01:26:42,460 --> 01:26:47,470
Then I remembered that in my country
it was not easy to marry a foreigner.
1376
01:26:47,540 --> 01:26:50,980
It would give me some time
to think it over.
1377
01:26:59,820 --> 01:27:04,870
Because one of you
is a foreign citizen,
1378
01:27:05,060 --> 01:27:08,708
you both have to pass a medical
inspection at the hospital.
1379
01:27:08,750 --> 01:27:13,430
It normally takes three weeks to get
all the test results and certificates.
1380
01:27:13,950 --> 01:27:14,970
This is ridiculous!
1381
01:27:15,220 --> 01:27:17,148
We don’t have time!
1382
01:27:17,190 --> 01:27:18,938
What’s the rush?
1383
01:27:18,980 --> 01:27:23,130
Three weeks is nothing compared
to a lifetime of marriage.
1384
01:27:23,360 --> 01:27:28,858
How could a perfect man from a
perfect land feel the same despair
1385
01:27:28,900 --> 01:27:31,970
that the miserable people
of my land felt?
1386
01:27:32,040 --> 01:27:35,790
We have to marry before
I turn back into a frog!
1387
01:27:47,940 --> 01:27:49,400
Come here.
1388
01:27:50,260 --> 01:27:52,150
What’s bothering you?
1389
01:27:52,600 --> 01:27:54,160
I couldn’t sleep.
1390
01:27:54,330 --> 01:27:56,240
Why couldn’t you sleep?
1391
01:27:56,510 --> 01:27:58,548
It’s a thing that all Swedes have -
1392
01:27:58,590 --> 01:28:01,350
we wake up at two in the morning
and can’t stop thinking.
1393
01:28:02,760 --> 01:28:05,968
I had noticed something
new and odd about Bo.
1394
01:28:06,010 --> 01:28:08,958
He was like a restless ocean
under a cloudy sky
1395
01:28:09,000 --> 01:28:12,798
that for a long hour would be
transparent, bright aqua green,
1396
01:28:12,840 --> 01:28:16,160
then for a flash turn black
and opaque and strange.
1397
01:28:16,590 --> 01:28:19,118
Between his words
there were startling pauses,
1398
01:28:19,160 --> 01:28:22,390
as if he had caught himself
revealing too much.
1399
01:28:22,440 --> 01:28:23,870
What was it?
1400
01:28:25,530 --> 01:28:28,598
Give it a rest.
You are with me now.
1401
01:28:28,640 --> 01:28:30,440
I’ll save you.
1402
01:28:31,950 --> 01:28:34,060
I am safe with you.
1403
01:28:37,490 --> 01:28:39,700
Do you have a secret?
1404
01:28:40,130 --> 01:28:42,860
Yes, I do have a dark secret.
1405
01:28:43,400 --> 01:28:44,610
Tell me.
1406
01:28:45,240 --> 01:28:48,808
If he had told me that he licked
hairless cats for sexual pleasure
1407
01:28:48,850 --> 01:28:50,350
I would have accepted it.
1408
01:28:50,550 --> 01:28:53,210
Love is strange that way.
1409
01:28:54,470 --> 01:28:55,798
I don’t have a secret!
1410
01:28:55,840 --> 01:28:57,510
Where did you get that idea?
1411
01:28:57,700 --> 01:28:58,978
Umm... I -
1412
01:28:59,020 --> 01:29:01,858
Once we get married,
I’ll be able to sleep again.
1413
01:29:01,900 --> 01:29:05,108
Marriage will solve
all your problems,
1414
01:29:05,150 --> 01:29:06,478
However deep.
1415
01:29:06,520 --> 01:29:09,720
Marriage is good for your sleep.
1416
01:29:10,020 --> 01:29:15,518
You are the one. I know it.
You can change everything.
1417
01:29:15,560 --> 01:29:17,640
You have the magic touch.
1418
01:29:17,810 --> 01:29:19,800
That’s why we love you so much.
1419
01:29:20,010 --> 01:29:21,868
I have been alone for too long.
1420
01:29:21,910 --> 01:29:24,520
You can make me into
a less selfish person.
1421
01:29:24,680 --> 01:29:28,790
You can turn a frog into a prince.
1422
01:29:29,290 --> 01:29:33,218
There is a happy little house
I have always dreamt about.
1423
01:29:33,260 --> 01:29:35,568
We will fill that house
with our children.
1424
01:29:35,610 --> 01:29:37,980
It’ll be perfect.
1425
01:29:38,680 --> 01:29:39,908
A happy little house
1426
01:29:39,950 --> 01:29:42,800
Filled with a happy little spouse
1427
01:29:42,940 --> 01:29:48,440
And children so bright
Will set everything right!
1428
01:29:50,470 --> 01:29:52,520
I want you to be happy.
1429
01:30:01,240 --> 01:30:04,600
Dear Bo, You have been approved
for work in Canada.
1430
01:30:04,840 --> 01:30:06,410
Start immediately.
1431
01:30:07,840 --> 01:30:09,640
You have to come with me.
1432
01:30:10,910 --> 01:30:15,298
But the Canadian Embassy was suspicious
of Eastern Europeans wanting to go there.
1433
01:30:15,340 --> 01:30:18,668
They would not let me in
unless I was married to Bo,
1434
01:30:18,710 --> 01:30:20,470
who had a work permit.
1435
01:30:20,770 --> 01:30:22,648
So we went to Sweden.
1436
01:30:22,690 --> 01:30:28,750
Only in Sweden could people marry
swiftly, without medical examinations.
1437
01:30:32,670 --> 01:30:36,760
Zelma, will you have this man
to be your husband
1438
01:30:36,820 --> 01:30:39,878
to live together in the
covenant of marriage?
1439
01:30:39,920 --> 01:30:43,978
Will you love him, comfort him,
honor and keep him,
1440
01:30:44,020 --> 01:30:45,760
in sickness and in health,
1441
01:30:45,850 --> 01:30:49,050
and be faithful to him as long as
you both shall live?
1442
01:30:50,420 --> 01:30:52,320
For as long as I live?
1443
01:30:53,690 --> 01:30:55,350
I... I will.
1444
01:30:55,400 --> 01:30:58,300
Bum, bum-bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
1445
01:30:58,610 --> 01:31:01,480
Bum, bum-bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
1446
01:31:01,840 --> 01:31:09,400
Bum, bum-bum, bum, bum, bum
baaah-aaah-aaah-aaah
1447
01:31:09,680 --> 01:31:15,180
Inexplicably, just saying those
two words exhausted me.
1448
01:31:44,850 --> 01:31:48,940
This was the Promised
Land of Canada.
1449
01:31:49,430 --> 01:31:52,738
All my friends back home
dreamt to be so wealthy
1450
01:31:52,780 --> 01:31:55,140
that they wouldn’t have to work
or worry about money.
1451
01:31:55,640 --> 01:31:57,580
I was not allowed to work in Canada.
1452
01:31:58,190 --> 01:32:01,930
Not having work or worry
was killing me.
1453
01:32:03,230 --> 01:32:06,790
Aaaaah...
1454
01:32:07,550 --> 01:32:10,620
Aaaaah...
1455
01:32:11,690 --> 01:32:14,640
Aaaaah...
1456
01:32:15,840 --> 01:32:18,220
Aaaaah...
1457
01:32:18,550 --> 01:32:21,950
It is written in sacred
"Model Marriage" books
1458
01:32:22,760 --> 01:32:26,270
That a good wife sweeps,
cleans and she cooks.
1459
01:32:26,660 --> 01:32:30,720
You are in bed from
morning until night.
1460
01:32:30,810 --> 01:32:34,480
You are nothing but a lazy parasite.
1461
01:32:34,720 --> 01:32:38,350
Haaaaah-aaaaaah
1462
01:32:38,760 --> 01:32:42,040
Shame! Shame! Shame!
1463
01:32:42,880 --> 01:32:45,438
Shame! Shame! Shame!
1464
01:32:45,480 --> 01:32:48,340
OK! OK! I am getting up.
1465
01:32:50,600 --> 01:32:55,050
I could pinpoint my unhappiness
to one source - my husband.
1466
01:32:55,270 --> 01:32:58,310
He had promised never-ending
perfection and happiness.
1467
01:32:58,400 --> 01:33:02,628
But with every day we spent together
he was less and less perfect
1468
01:33:02,670 --> 01:33:04,850
and I was less and less happy.
1469
01:33:05,210 --> 01:33:06,598
I had to change him
1470
01:33:06,640 --> 01:33:10,660
or this misery would swallow me.
1471
01:33:12,580 --> 01:33:14,320
Take your hand off your hip.
1472
01:33:14,410 --> 01:33:16,970
Uh... Why?
1473
01:33:17,150 --> 01:33:20,758
It’s the pose of a middle age woman.
It doesn’t befit a man.
1474
01:33:20,800 --> 01:33:22,220
How was work today?
1475
01:33:23,230 --> 01:33:25,010
Same as usual. Not much going on.
1476
01:33:25,730 --> 01:33:27,448
He wouldn’t make a good spy.
1477
01:33:27,490 --> 01:33:30,590
This was the classical
gesture of a liar.
1478
01:33:30,640 --> 01:33:32,510
What was he covering?
1479
01:33:32,590 --> 01:33:34,200
Don’t look at me like that.
1480
01:33:34,310 --> 01:33:37,240
Don’t cover your mouth
when speaking to me.
1481
01:33:42,480 --> 01:33:44,800
I don’t like how you hold your fork.
1482
01:33:45,210 --> 01:33:47,640
What is it about how I hold my fork?
1483
01:33:47,690 --> 01:33:51,970
It reminds me of Marlene Dietrich
smoking a cigarette.
1484
01:33:52,060 --> 01:33:54,720
There is nothing wrong
with Marlene Dietrich.
1485
01:33:54,790 --> 01:33:55,800
She is beautiful.
1486
01:33:55,910 --> 01:34:00,278
She is dead. And she is a woman.
Don’t do it.
1487
01:34:00,320 --> 01:34:03,160
It makes you look
ugly and pretentious.
1488
01:34:05,810 --> 01:34:08,230
Could you please sit
more like a man?
1489
01:34:08,300 --> 01:34:10,270
What... how should I sit?
1490
01:34:12,820 --> 01:34:14,270
Like this.
1491
01:34:16,440 --> 01:34:19,188
But somewhere in the middle of
my project of changing Bo
1492
01:34:19,230 --> 01:34:23,040
I started to notice that Bo
was trying to change me.
1493
01:34:23,690 --> 01:34:24,890
What’s for dinner?
1494
01:34:25,010 --> 01:34:26,580
I cooked stuffed eggplant.
1495
01:34:26,680 --> 01:34:28,210
Again?
1496
01:34:28,830 --> 01:34:32,640
Overcooked vegetables
are so 18th century!
1497
01:34:33,260 --> 01:34:37,010
I can’t believe a woman can be
so uneducated about nutrition!
1498
01:34:37,090 --> 01:34:38,970
That’s how we cook in my country.
1499
01:34:39,400 --> 01:34:40,490
Gross.
1500
01:34:46,040 --> 01:34:48,470
I want you to look pretty
at my office party.
1501
01:34:48,560 --> 01:34:49,860
Put some make-up on.
1502
01:34:50,020 --> 01:34:52,890
Make-up?
I don’t have any make-up!
1503
01:34:52,940 --> 01:34:56,738
To me wearing make-up was like
wearing a plastic mask.
1504
01:34:56,780 --> 01:34:59,390
It made me self-conscious
and uncomfortable.
1505
01:34:59,440 --> 01:35:04,080
A woman without make-up is like
a rose without the morning dew!
1506
01:35:13,220 --> 01:35:15,508
In evenings our street
would fill with women
1507
01:35:15,550 --> 01:35:18,438
who reminded me
of the country I was from.
1508
01:35:18,480 --> 01:35:22,908
At the sight of the women Bo would
tense up and become very focused.
1509
01:35:22,950 --> 01:35:27,470
It looked as if he was trying to
communicate with them telepathically.
1510
01:35:30,510 --> 01:35:32,198
Am I not good enough for you?
1511
01:35:32,240 --> 01:35:33,850
What do you want from them?
1512
01:35:33,910 --> 01:35:36,210
Nothing. I'm just looking.
1513
01:35:36,300 --> 01:35:39,018
You are NOT just looking.
1514
01:35:39,060 --> 01:35:42,988
There can be an affinity between
people without it being sexual.
1515
01:35:43,030 --> 01:35:47,258
Affinity with women?
What do you know about being a woman?
1516
01:35:47,300 --> 01:35:50,598
In my country an affinity with
women can only be earned
1517
01:35:50,640 --> 01:35:54,558
by having a period, getting pregnant,
being abused or raped.
1518
01:35:54,600 --> 01:35:58,460
Anything other than that makes
you a man without a clue.
1519
01:35:59,960 --> 01:36:02,520
What do YOU know
about being a woman?
1520
01:36:02,580 --> 01:36:06,850
Anyone looking at you from a distance
would mistake you for a man.
1521
01:36:16,750 --> 01:36:18,760
Your hair is too long.
1522
01:36:18,820 --> 01:36:20,430
It makes you look deranged.
1523
01:36:20,540 --> 01:36:22,130
I thought you liked my hair!
1524
01:36:22,250 --> 01:36:25,118
I did. When it had a golden glow.
1525
01:36:25,160 --> 01:36:27,850
Now it just looks greasy and thin.
1526
01:36:27,920 --> 01:36:30,628
You keep buying that cheap
shampoo without conditioner.
1527
01:36:30,670 --> 01:36:32,640
Of course my hair is greasy now!
1528
01:36:34,360 --> 01:36:36,618
This is not the marriage I imagined.
1529
01:36:36,660 --> 01:36:38,070
I am not happy.
1530
01:36:42,000 --> 01:36:44,678
This was not the marriage I imagined.
1531
01:36:44,720 --> 01:36:46,800
I was not happy.
1532
01:36:49,660 --> 01:36:51,808
We can’t continue on like this.
1533
01:36:51,850 --> 01:36:53,470
It’s unbearable.
1534
01:36:56,440 --> 01:36:58,038
But I thought of a solution.
1535
01:36:58,080 --> 01:36:59,728
We can still be happy.
1536
01:36:59,770 --> 01:37:01,560
A solution?
1537
01:37:02,270 --> 01:37:03,810
Yes. Yes.
1538
01:37:03,870 --> 01:37:07,408
The problem is we both
are very selfish.
1539
01:37:07,450 --> 01:37:10,468
We need to have something
that is more than just us.
1540
01:37:10,510 --> 01:37:12,200
We should have a baby.
1541
01:37:12,480 --> 01:37:15,290
The baby would solve
all our problems.
1542
01:37:15,410 --> 01:37:18,038
We would love the baby
and through the baby
1543
01:37:18,080 --> 01:37:19,598
we would love each other again.
1544
01:37:19,640 --> 01:37:21,278
You can keep a lady
1545
01:37:21,320 --> 01:37:24,018
If you give her a baby!
1546
01:37:24,060 --> 01:37:26,978
Your man will never stray wild
1547
01:37:27,020 --> 01:37:29,660
If you give him a child!
1548
01:37:31,320 --> 01:37:34,220
My two marriages failed
to make me happy.
1549
01:37:34,330 --> 01:37:36,460
Could a baby make me happy?
1550
01:37:37,870 --> 01:37:42,448
I had bet my life that marriage with Bo
would make everything perfect.
1551
01:37:42,490 --> 01:37:44,398
And it didn’t turn out that way.
1552
01:37:44,440 --> 01:37:49,100
Now Bo was asking me to gamble my
life on his dream of having a baby.
1553
01:37:49,250 --> 01:37:51,178
But it was just a dream.
1554
01:37:51,220 --> 01:37:55,140
I had seen babies and the tired
despair in their mothers’ eyes.
1555
01:37:55,220 --> 01:37:57,268
Marriage was supposed to be easy.
1556
01:37:57,310 --> 01:37:59,930
But any fool knew that
babies were hard work.
1557
01:38:01,470 --> 01:38:04,670
I don’t know if a baby
is what I want.
1558
01:38:05,220 --> 01:38:06,540
What do you want?
1559
01:38:07,790 --> 01:38:09,790
A divorce.
1560
01:38:10,820 --> 01:38:13,498
I expected him to scream and hit me.
1561
01:38:13,540 --> 01:38:14,890
After all it was his right -
1562
01:38:15,160 --> 01:38:20,350
I was his wife and had promised to
be with him until death do us part.
1563
01:38:21,700 --> 01:38:23,840
If this is what you want.
1564
01:38:24,990 --> 01:38:29,630
Do you know that old saying:
if you love someone let them go?
1565
01:38:29,960 --> 01:38:32,260
No. I don’t know it.
1566
01:38:33,120 --> 01:38:37,530
Where I was from, you killed them
before you let them go.
1567
01:38:54,960 --> 01:38:59,820
And there I was again - another failed
marriage because I was not woman enough.
1568
01:39:01,660 --> 01:39:03,048
I’m coming to see you.
1569
01:39:03,090 --> 01:39:05,820
I have to show you something.
1570
01:39:18,370 --> 01:39:21,198
I had no idea.
1571
01:39:21,240 --> 01:39:24,508
In the Soviet Union non-normative
behavior was punishable.
1572
01:39:24,550 --> 01:39:26,308
It was dangerous to be different.
1573
01:39:26,350 --> 01:39:29,300
And on the surface it seemed
that no one was different.
1574
01:39:30,260 --> 01:39:33,848
All the non-normative behavior
was was lumped into one pile
1575
01:39:33,890 --> 01:39:37,238
of bad behavior that could
get you the death sentence.
1576
01:39:37,280 --> 01:39:41,140
Being gay or a pedophile or an
exhibitionist was the same thing.
1577
01:39:44,060 --> 01:39:49,700
I had never heard of men wanting
to dress in women’s clothing.
1578
01:39:51,210 --> 01:39:53,970
She is so strange.
1579
01:39:55,180 --> 01:39:58,780
She's deranged.
1580
01:40:00,170 --> 01:40:01,878
She's not a girl!
1581
01:40:01,920 --> 01:40:03,820
She fights!
1582
01:40:04,460 --> 01:40:08,478
But suddenly I saw that
I was just like Bo -
1583
01:40:08,520 --> 01:40:13,760
in constant fear of being judged
for something I couldn’t change.
1584
01:40:14,900 --> 01:40:16,770
Why didn’t you tell me?
1585
01:40:17,010 --> 01:40:18,508
Tell YOU?
1586
01:40:18,550 --> 01:40:20,900
You were so unforgiving.
1587
01:40:21,480 --> 01:40:22,890
And now?
1588
01:40:23,210 --> 01:40:25,270
I have nothing to lose.
1589
01:40:25,350 --> 01:40:27,458
No marriage can change me.
1590
01:40:27,500 --> 01:40:29,668
This is who I am
1591
01:40:29,710 --> 01:40:32,180
and I have to accept it.
1592
01:40:36,370 --> 01:40:39,208
Zelma doesn’t know
how it feels for a man
1593
01:40:39,250 --> 01:40:41,360
to want to dress
in women’s clothing,
1594
01:40:41,500 --> 01:40:44,868
but now she makes an effort
to understand Bo
1595
01:40:44,910 --> 01:40:47,800
by using her own past experiences.
1596
01:40:48,030 --> 01:40:51,738
Zelma’s hypothalamus,
always on the lookout for a threat,
1597
01:40:51,780 --> 01:40:54,518
recognizes that,
although he is different,
1598
01:40:54,560 --> 01:40:56,798
Bo is not going to pose a threat
1599
01:40:56,840 --> 01:40:59,458
and sends a signal
to the pituitary gland
1600
01:40:59,500 --> 01:41:02,590
to release a small dose of oxytocin,
1601
01:41:02,690 --> 01:41:06,478
just enough to feel the bond
of shared experiences,
1602
01:41:06,520 --> 01:41:10,258
but not too much to feel
the intoxication of love.
1603
01:41:10,300 --> 01:41:12,650
Sensing the presence of oxytocin,
1604
01:41:12,770 --> 01:41:16,790
several circuits of neurons release
a small dose of dopamine
1605
01:41:17,100 --> 01:41:19,918
sending a signal to
Zelma’s premotor cortex
1606
01:41:19,960 --> 01:41:24,888
that it is okay to extend her hand to
someone whom just an an hour ago
1607
01:41:24,930 --> 01:41:29,280
she didn’t understand and
regarded as The Other.
1608
01:41:37,380 --> 01:41:40,950
She is not a girl!
She is not a girl!
1609
01:41:41,230 --> 01:41:43,698
She is not a girl!
She is not a girl!
1610
01:41:43,740 --> 01:41:45,470
Mind your own business!
1611
01:41:46,250 --> 01:41:49,720
I love the way you are.
1612
01:42:00,140 --> 01:42:06,310
Zelma finally feels complete
and at peace with herself.
1613
01:42:32,250 --> 01:42:35,750
I am ready for plan D.
1614
01:42:47,640 --> 01:42:48,970
Stop!
1615
01:42:50,290 --> 01:42:52,300
Do!
1616
01:42:54,290 --> 01:42:56,030
Do!
1617
01:42:57,690 --> 01:42:59,760
Take the note! Do!
1618
01:43:00,330 --> 01:43:01,980
Do!
1619
01:43:02,950 --> 01:43:05,140
One more time. Do!
1620
01:43:05,280 --> 01:43:07,030
Do!
1621
01:43:07,180 --> 01:43:08,180
Nice!
1622
01:43:10,340 --> 01:43:11,680
Mi!
1623
01:43:12,380 --> 01:43:14,050
Mi!
1624
01:43:14,180 --> 01:43:15,330
Good.
1625
01:43:16,150 --> 01:43:17,970
Sol!
1626
01:43:18,150 --> 01:43:20,180
Sol!
1627
01:43:20,280 --> 01:43:21,600
Excellent.
1628
01:43:22,760 --> 01:43:24,810
Now, all together!
1629
01:43:25,090 --> 01:43:27,680
Baaaah!
1630
01:43:28,020 --> 01:43:29,298
Great.
1631
01:43:29,340 --> 01:43:32,610
Now, remember to keep
your heads cool about marriage.
1632
01:43:32,700 --> 01:43:34,770
We cool!
1633
01:43:34,960 --> 01:43:36,430
No pressure.
1634
01:43:36,760 --> 01:43:38,810
No pressure!
1635
01:43:39,100 --> 01:43:40,758
Perfect.
1636
01:43:40,800 --> 01:43:45,050
Let’s keep it that way.
1637
01:44:20,000 --> 01:44:23,080
The light finally breaks
1638
01:44:23,410 --> 01:44:27,320
And lets the butterflies out.
1639
01:44:27,850 --> 01:44:31,870
The sound of war recedes
1640
01:44:32,240 --> 01:44:39,080
My heart is ready for peace.
1641
01:44:40,510 --> 01:44:45,500
I feel so small before
this daunting task
1642
01:44:45,840 --> 01:44:50,720
When Love takes off
its confusing mask
1643
01:44:51,100 --> 01:44:56,298
I see what love could possibly be
1644
01:44:56,340 --> 01:45:00,150
if I had courage
to break with conformity.
1645
01:45:01,530 --> 01:45:07,098
I’d refuse to engage
in this timeless war
1646
01:45:07,140 --> 01:45:11,950
Of who will lose or
who could win more
1647
01:45:12,410 --> 01:45:17,498
I’d put a stop to
this time-worn song
1648
01:45:17,540 --> 01:45:22,140
Of how to Love and
what’s right and what’s wrong.
1649
01:45:23,010 --> 01:45:25,648
I dance on the graves
of my many mistakes
1650
01:45:25,690 --> 01:45:28,140
Their cold shiny stones
they teach me new moves.
1651
01:45:28,330 --> 01:45:30,188
Tip top TIP tippity tup
1652
01:45:30,230 --> 01:45:33,790
I’m moving forward, I’m moving up.
1653
01:45:34,150 --> 01:45:35,618
Tip top TIP tippity tap
1654
01:45:35,660 --> 01:45:39,088
I’m moving forward with my new map.
1655
01:45:39,130 --> 01:45:40,958
Tip top TIP tippity tup
1656
01:45:41,000 --> 01:45:44,418
I’m moving forward, I’m moving up.
1657
01:45:44,460 --> 01:45:46,140
Tip top TAP tippity tip
1658
01:45:46,340 --> 01:45:49,840
I’m moving forward, going on a trip.
1659
01:45:52,190 --> 01:45:57,608
The World is too big
to care for my plight
1660
01:45:57,650 --> 01:46:01,930
I search, I bargain,
I plea, and I fight
1661
01:46:02,860 --> 01:46:08,308
to fit the world
into a room with a view
1662
01:46:08,350 --> 01:46:10,118
and share it with someone
1663
01:46:10,160 --> 01:46:12,840
Could it be you?
1664
01:46:13,510 --> 01:46:16,098
I dance on the graves
of my many mistakes
1665
01:46:16,140 --> 01:46:19,108
Their cold shiny stones
they teach me new moves.
1666
01:46:19,150 --> 01:46:21,008
Tip top TIP tippity tup
1667
01:46:21,050 --> 01:46:24,418
I’m moving forward I’m moving up.
1668
01:46:24,460 --> 01:46:26,308
Tip top TIP tippity tap
1669
01:46:26,350 --> 01:46:29,768
I’m moving forward with my new map.
1670
01:46:29,810 --> 01:46:31,638
Tip top TIP tippity tup
1671
01:46:31,680 --> 01:46:35,068
I’m moving forward, I’m moving up.
1672
01:46:35,110 --> 01:46:36,978
Tip top TAP tippity tip
1673
01:46:37,020 --> 01:46:41,990
I’m moving forward, going on a trip.
1674
01:46:42,490 --> 01:46:43,990
Nah-nah
1675
01:46:45,470 --> 01:46:48,108
I'll be a Lion, I'll be a force
1676
01:46:48,150 --> 01:46:50,638
I'll let my voice out
'til it is hoarse
1677
01:46:50,680 --> 01:46:53,458
My spirit will join
the chorus of others
1678
01:46:53,500 --> 01:46:56,438
we will be sisters,
we will be brothers
1679
01:46:56,480 --> 01:46:59,140
In the song of parity
1680
01:46:59,400 --> 01:47:01,458
Love will be a thrill
1681
01:47:01,500 --> 01:47:04,118
On the shared ground
1682
01:47:04,160 --> 01:47:06,928
of a shared will.
1683
01:47:06,970 --> 01:47:09,668
I dance on the graves
of my many mistakes
1684
01:47:09,710 --> 01:47:12,518
Their cold shiny stones
teach me new moves.
1685
01:47:12,560 --> 01:47:14,468
Tip top TIP tippity tup
1686
01:47:14,510 --> 01:47:17,778
I’m moving forward, I’m moving up,
1687
01:47:17,820 --> 01:47:19,608
Tip top TIP tippity tap
1688
01:47:19,650 --> 01:47:23,030
I’m moving forward with my new map.
1689
01:47:23,220 --> 01:47:25,038
Tip top TIP tippity tup
1690
01:47:25,080 --> 01:47:28,498
I’m moving forward, I’m moving up.
1691
01:47:28,540 --> 01:47:30,288
Tip top TAP tippity tip
1692
01:47:30,330 --> 01:47:34,370
I’m moving forward, going on a trip.
1693
01:47:38,410 --> 01:47:41,810
I dance to a fresh tune
1694
01:47:42,090 --> 01:47:45,370
Known only by a few
1695
01:47:46,190 --> 01:47:49,780
Who else knows it?
1696
01:47:50,033 --> 01:47:52,433
Could it be...
1697
01:47:52,560 --> 01:47:57,040
You?
129343
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