Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:36,840
Driest February ever.
2
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,080
- Wettest March for 40 years.
Yeah.
3
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:45,040
Then it didn't rain at all
but was cold in May.
4
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,120
Then it went to the hottest June ever.
5
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,360
- Since then, it's been...
The wettest July.
6
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,840
- The wettest July and the coldest.
Yeah.
7
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:05,160
Given that the weather
had done the exact opposite
8
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,680
of what we needed all year long,
9
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,360
we were praying
for an old-fashioned autumn
10
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:14,440
with lots of warm sunshine.
11
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:16,440
But no.
12
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:21,760
The crucial harvesting month
was also refusing to play ball.
13
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,680
Today was meant to be sunny. Look at it.
14
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,080
And now Kaleb
had killed the crops off
15
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,320
to ready them for the combine,
16
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:32,680
the clock was ticking.
17
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,760
The longer they sat in the field
too wet to harvest,
18
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:43,560
the more they would deteriorate.
19
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,480
We need under 15.
20
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:48,720
18.4.
21
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:49,800
Shit.
22
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:53,880
We're probably okay at nine.
23
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,800
18.3.
24
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:58,680
It has to be less than nine.
25
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,720
17.5. Bollocks.
26
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,520
Hi. Have you done a moisture test?
27
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,840
I can feel it's wet already.
28
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,120
18.6.
29
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,560
This year's an absolute pig.
It just won't dry at all.
30
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:12,920
- What is it?
17%.
31
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:17,680
I think I've broken a record of how
many times I can moisture test a field.
32
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,240
Moisture test, moisture test,
then moisture test again.
33
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,280
Then do another moisture test.
34
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,560
Get to the end of the day
and go, no, it's not gonna go today.
35
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:34,880
To add to the pressure,
36
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,440
Andy Cato was now worried about how well
37
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:41,000
his wild-farmed wheat field
would perform...
38
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,520
Morning.
How are you?
39
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,600
Because he feared
he'd been too conservative
40
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,400
with the nitrogen fertiliser.
41
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,440
I don't think
we've got it quite right here.
42
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,600
We've ended up using an absolutely
miniscule amount of nitrogen here,
43
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,200
about 11 kilos.
44
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,560
How much have you put
on that field over there?
45
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,040
- No idea.
- A couple of hundred maybe?
46
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,600
- Kaleb knows.
- Yeah.
47
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,600
So a couple of hundred kilos on that,
and 11...
48
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,960
I don't know, but I guess
it'd be somewhere around there.
49
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,120
But I think we haven't quite got
the balance quite right in this field.
50
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,360
We've undercooked it a bit.
51
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:16,040
It's just a little bit lacking in energy.
52
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:24,560
After sitting on our hands
for day after frustrating day,
53
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,600
conditions did finally start to improve.
54
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,200
It sounds better.
55
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:34,400
Oats...
56
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,320
We need under 15%.
57
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:40,840
15% now!
58
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,920
So by the time Simon gets here,
that'll be fit to go.
59
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:50,200
As usual, Charlie
had gone on holiday for the harvest.
60
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,080
This meant Kaleb was fully in charge.
61
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,480
So, while we waited
for the combine to arrive,
62
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,040
he summoned me to his office
63
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,560
for what he said
was an important meeting.
64
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:09,280
Hey-up.
65
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:10,720
So this is...
66
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,200
Welcome to my office!
67
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,280
Well, how long have you had this?
68
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,600
Well,
since you made me farm manager.
69
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,360
Well, that's months ago.
I know!
70
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,160
I just cleared a bit of space and...
71
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,200
Who's done your interior decoration?
Nicky Haslam, is it?
72
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,200
No, me!
73
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:29,160
- It's a work's office.
74
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,880
It's not an office.
- It's good!
75
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,560
I found this table
out the old shed at the back there.
76
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,720
And this one here is actually
just like a dresser with some...
77
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,800
The electric's not the best in here.
78
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,720
It's the shittest office
I've ever been in.
79
00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,360
- It's not! It's dry.
- You've got a washing machine, though.
80
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:47,920
Yeah, and a tumble dryer.
81
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,080
Anyway, more importantly.
82
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,760
- Charlie's in the U.S. of A.
- I know.
83
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,800
Harvest is around the corner,
so obviously he's gone away.
84
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,360
Exactly. So he's gone away.
- Yeah.
85
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,480
But as farm manager now,
86
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,520
it makes me responsible
for the health and safety on this farm.
87
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:01,760
Oh, God...
88
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,600
Ten minutes. That's all it's gonna take.
I've gotta go through this folder.
89
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:05,920
- What is it?
- You can read it if you want.
90
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,360
Read all the risk assessments
that I've done.
91
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,800
- Have you done risk assessments?
Yeah.
92
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,000
I had to. It's on my head.
93
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,320
If you injure yourself now,
do you know whose fault it is?
94
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,360
Mine. I go to prison.
95
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,320
And this face isn't for prison.
96
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:21,440
The other day we were carting stone
for the car park, yes?
97
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:22,360
Yeah.
98
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,800
What happened when you pulled up
to the drive off the car?
99
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,120
- Oh, the trailer came up.
Yeah.
100
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,520
- That's quite dangerous, though.
Why is it dangerous?
101
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,920
The overhead power cables...
- There aren't any.
102
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,720
Okay, there isn't any,
but if there was...
103
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,240
Well, there isn't.
104
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,560
You could have taken them out
and killed yourself or somebody else.
105
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:39,640
But there isn't.
106
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,800
Do you know the correct way to get out
of a tractor if you've hit a power cable?
107
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,040
- No.
The correct way
108
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,040
to get out of a tractor
if you've touched a power cable,
109
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,440
because it will shoot
through your tractor,
110
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:52,600
is to bunny hop.
111
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,120
Open the door, top step, and just jump
112
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:56,840
as far as you can away from it.
113
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,760
- I can't bunny hop.
You'd probably break your leg.
114
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,000
And my knees are not up to any...
115
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,640
I'll sit in it
116
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,160
because the rubber tyres
will insulate me.
117
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,280
But you can't ring me then
because there's no signal.
118
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:07,480
Why not?
119
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,640
Because the electricity
will knock out your signal.
120
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,760
People will miss me after a while.
121
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,960
- No, I wouldn't.
122
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:17,800
Anyway. Have you got
What3Words on your phone?
123
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:18,760
Yeah.
- OK.
124
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,200
Just in case of an accident,
you can tell me what specific three words
125
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,400
and I know where you are.
126
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,080
I don't understand What3Words.
I thought you had to choose the words.
127
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,040
No.
128
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,240
It said, "You choose three words
for wherever you are."
129
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,640
But I thought if I send that to you,
130
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,760
how do you know
what three words I've chosen?
131
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,320
I'm gonna warm this one up.
132
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,080
I genuinely... I promise!
133
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,040
So, basically...
134
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,080
Honestly.
I've got it on the phone and it said...
135
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,640
- Whatever... Walnut, toffee, cat.
- Yeah.
136
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,120
Well, I don't want those words.
137
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,880
- Somebody else has chosen them.
Yes.
138
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,600
Well, I don't like that.
139
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:56,840
I write newspaper columns.
140
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,480
Nobody chooses the words for them.
I choose the words.
141
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,640
Yeah, so the person
who wrote this What3Word programme
142
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,040
chose the words for each place.
143
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,360
Well, I've got it anyway.
- Good.
144
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,040
All right. At random.
145
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,000
"No smoking when refuelling"?
146
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,640
No.
- I never knew that.
147
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,840
I always used to light up
when I was filling up the car.
148
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,120
Always.
149
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,400
I wish you did.
150
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,040
A couple of hours later,
151
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,880
Kaleb met up with Simon and his combine
152
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:31,680
to harvest the oats
he'd planted in the fields
153
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,880
where the rape had failed.
154
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,880
Have you got a walkie-talkie, Simon?
155
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,600
Yeah, I've got it.
156
00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,960
And I suspect
he was hoping to get it all done
157
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:45,920
without my help.
158
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,360
I think he's hoping I won't find him
but I shall.
159
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,320
Then I shall offer my assistance.
160
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,520
And he will be happy.
161
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,560
Good news! I'm here to help.
162
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:01,680
Oh no...
163
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,760
You can have
this trailer, I'll have the other one.
164
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,480
The trailer
Kaleb wanted me to use
165
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,320
was only half full.
166
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,640
So I had to hook it up
and then carry on filling it.
167
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,000
Genuinely,
168
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,600
I still don't know
how to hook a trailer up.
169
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,160
Up. Go up.
170
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,200
Is that right?
No.
171
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,960
Use your joystick.
172
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,240
Unlock it on the little button,
the hydraulics...
173
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,120
You need the hydraulics.
174
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:37,880
Use that little...
175
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:40,880
Is it locked or not?
176
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,240
- I don't bloody know.
- Is it locked on the little button?
177
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,200
What?
178
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,200
Are we ready?
179
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,640
Roll forward a little bit more.
180
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,120
What? Backwards?
181
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,720
You've gotta go forward
a little tiny bit. Whoa!
182
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,640
How can they refuel a fighter jet
183
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,080
in mid-air at 30,000 feet
184
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,760
and yet somehow,
farmers have not yet invented
185
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,600
- an easier way...
- No, you rolled forward again.
186
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,880
I had to roll forwards!
187
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,000
Whoa. Shit.
- Yeah!
188
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:10,960
Now we're cooking!
189
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,200
Only took fucking three hours.
190
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:15,880
Right. There you go.
191
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,760
Do you wanna try
your hydraulics before we go?
192
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,440
How do I try hydraulics?
193
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,520
Unlock the hydraulics.
- I have unlocked it.
194
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,200
I think.
195
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:29,840
Go down.
196
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,320
No, no, no. Go down.
197
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,240
Oh, you fucking...
198
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,240
I honestly... I can't. I can't stand him.
199
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,440
Give him a shovel and some bags.
That's what did with the students.
200
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,080
Make them shovel it up again.
201
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,240
No!
202
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:54,960
Fucking hell.
203
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,960
Right. That is up, there.
204
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,160
No, stop!
205
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:01,440
Shit.
206
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,280
Can we have an agreement...
207
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,360
From now on then, you plug it in.
208
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,960
When you plug those hoses in,
can they always be the same?
209
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,400
Yes. That's what I always do.
But your tractor's shit, for one.
210
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,720
You're incapable of driving it, for two.
211
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:17,240
It's not me.
212
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,040
Well, it is. Every time you jump in it,
you press the wrong one.
213
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,520
That's because every time I get in it,
214
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,720
each button does a different thing.
You would agree with that.
215
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,600
Yeah, because it's a shit tractor.
216
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:34,040
Luckily, my godson was doing
work experience on the farm that week,
217
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,120
so he got to experience the joy
218
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,520
of shovelling up my spilled oats...
219
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:41,880
Here we go.
220
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,120
Coming in.
221
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:48,120
While I headed over to Simon
to take the rest of his load.
222
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,200
Now, let's not muck it up, Jeremy.
Let's not muck it up.
223
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,120
He's nervous now.
He's all over the place.
224
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,760
Go over,
left a little bit. Go left! Go left!
225
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,800
All of that just went over.
Look how much...
226
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,520
You've just spilt loads.
227
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:15,760
What?
228
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,560
What have I done wrong now?
229
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,480
You've just spilt loads
and loads over the left-hand side.
230
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,120
You were too close.
231
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,880
Oh, I don't understand.
I don't understand anything.
232
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,880
When it was time
to take my next load,
233
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:38,120
Simon made a rather humiliating decision.
234
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,080
Erm, I'm loading
while stationary.
235
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,840
I know you can see it at home
and you're laughing at me,
236
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,760
but the important thing is:
237
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,280
Kaleb's not here to see it.
238
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:05,840
But even though I'd lost
whatever harvesting skills I'd once had,
239
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,880
we did manage, that day,
to get both fields of oats harvested
240
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:12,800
and in the shed.
241
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,760
Eat your heart out Mac Scotland.
242
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,480
We can have
some Mac Chipping Norton porridge.
243
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:25,640
However, we couldn't savour
the normal joy of harvesting
244
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:29,840
because once again,
the weather reared its ugly head.
245
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,960
So now we'll go into the Met Office.
246
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,480
They're saying 10 o'clock tonight rain.
247
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:37,480
Er, mine's saying 9 o'clock.
248
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,240
Have you got this particular app of doom?
249
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,680
Is that the Norwegian?
250
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,200
Which one's that one?
Rain today.
251
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,200
I've just been looking
at the BBC Met Office.
252
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,880
That Norwegian one is very good.
253
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,120
- Yeah.
- They're all saying now 10 o'clock.
254
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,640
- 10 o'clock?
- 10 o'clock.
255
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:54,840
Holy shit. Look at that.
256
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,720
That is coming.
257
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,520
And it's going to get medieval
on our bottoms.
258
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,360
With every app
saying wind and rain was on the way,
259
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:07,400
Kaleb made a late-afternoon decision.
260
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:12,040
I think we finish this field off,
because we're here anyway...
261
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,280
You're the farm manager.
262
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,840
And then we move down to the Wildfarmed.
263
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,120
Yeah. OK. Well, that'll keep Andy happy.
264
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:19,800
Yes. And get that done.
265
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,560
I think the problem
that Andy's worrying about, yeah?
266
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,400
Our wheat now
will be fine against the weather.
267
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,680
It'll take a little bit of battering
before it loses the milling quality.
268
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,280
Yeah. You mean before you can make it...
269
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,480
Well, you can make it into bread,
not cow food.
270
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,240
Exactly. Or chicken food.
271
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:37,520
The problem I think he's worried about
is that that's such an old variety
272
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,680
that he's worried
about it losing the milling quality.
273
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,760
- Which it might in bad weather.
Yes.
274
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,480
Andy had predicted
that because he'd been too cautious
275
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,000
with the fertiliser,
276
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,880
his field wouldn't produce
a massive yield.
277
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,600
And he wasn't wrong.
278
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,360
I mean, a third of the field
279
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,440
and it's less than half the trailer full.
280
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,000
Well, we're easily gonna get
this field done.
281
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,000
Yeah.
282
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,080
It's pretty low, isn't it?
283
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:13,720
Is it worth doing?
284
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,800
Yeah. You're just being awkward.
285
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,960
You've been awkward all year
about somebody stealing your field.
286
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,760
Well, you shouldn't have let
someone else drill my field.
287
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,760
You're always going to be negative
so I'm not gonna listen to you.
288
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,800
Because I look after fellow Doncastrians.
289
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:27,080
Doncastrians?
290
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,040
- That's what we're called.
- Dear Lord!
291
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,480
- He's from Donny, I'm from Donny.
- I bet you're in some sort of cult!
292
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,800
Doncaster has given the world...
293
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,400
Kevin Keegan, Diana Rigg,
294
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,680
and now we're saving farming.
295
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:45,000
I'm not being horrible,
but I have no idea what you're on about.
296
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,680
- Never heard of Kevin Keegan?
- No!
297
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:48,840
Was he a Prime Minister?
298
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,720
- No, he was captain footballer.
Oh!
299
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:53,600
- Ah...
300
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,520
Working without a break
into the night,
301
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,480
we got Andy's wheat in
just before the rain came.
302
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:24,680
And the next day,
this new-age mix of wheat and beans
303
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,720
went off to be milled.
304
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,960
This meant we could turn our attention
to the problem child...
305
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,560
the oilseed rape.
306
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,240
Now,
let's just remind ourselves...
307
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,480
there's a saying which says
if you haven't got your rape planted
308
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,200
by the time of the Moreton Show,
309
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,360
which is a farming show near here,
310
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,400
which is early September,
don't plant it because you're too late.
311
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,360
We didn't get our rape
in by the Moreton Show.
312
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,640
We advised Kaleb not to plant rape.
313
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,960
He went ahead and planted it anyway.
314
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,760
Most of it failed.
315
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,360
This field didn't fail.
316
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,640
We're waiting to see what the yield is.
317
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,360
How many fields have we got?
Have we got two fields of it, haven't we?
318
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,720
We normally put
about 100 hectares in, yeah?
319
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,320
Of oilseed rape.
320
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,120
And this year we've got 20.
321
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,120
Yeah. How much failed?
322
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,880
- Only one field. 80 hectares.
- No, two fields failed.
323
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,200
- No, one field's failed.
- Oh.
324
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,360
Say sorry.
325
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,120
I'm sorry you planted the wrong crop.
326
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:31,120
No, say sorry.
327
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,760
Sorry your mistake
was bigger than it was.
328
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:33,720
Be nice for one minute.
329
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,160
You've done a very good job.
- Thank you.
330
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,440
There we go.
331
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,960
What do we want it to be?
Underneath nine.
332
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:44,840
Twelve!
333
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,840
I reckon another two hours
and we'll be going.
334
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,640
So, a couple of hours later,
335
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,200
we came back to do another moisture test.
336
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,080
What was it this morning?
- It was 12%.
337
00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,080
We need it to be less than 9.
- Yes.
338
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,720
I don't remember very much
from the years I've been farming
339
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,240
but the one thing I do remember,
and this was on television,
340
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,960
is Charlie said to me
341
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:11,000
that a contractor, Kaleb or Simon,
will always say,
342
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,720
"Oh it's fine,
don't worry about the moisture."
343
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,880
And Charlie said,
"Never ever let them harvest it
344
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:17,920
"if it's too wet.
345
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,520
"Never ever let them do that."
346
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:24,880
So if it's over 9,
I mustn't let him combine it.
347
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:29,240
What is it?
348
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:30,760
So it's 10. So it's still too wet.
349
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:34,200
You can make the decision now
because you just say "I'm a contractor".
350
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,680
So, what are we gonna do?
351
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,280
Do you want me
to get this off today at 10%,
352
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,000
take a little bit of the drying charge?
353
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,400
Or wait until the end of the week
when our wheat's ready?
354
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,960
If we lose the Hagberg on the wheat,
we're gonna lose the milling quality.
355
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,080
The last thing we want is to harvest this
when our wheat's ready.
356
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:50,560
So you make the call. Go for it.
357
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,800
You'll go, "You're just a contractor.
Nah, nah, nah."
358
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:55,920
Go on. Call it.
359
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,800
Charlie said don't harvest...
360
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,880
Yeah, I know what Charlie said.
But this is your decision now.
361
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,080
Call it. By the time we get going...
362
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,800
I can't call it when you keep talking.
363
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,920
All right.
Go on then. I'll shut up.
364
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,240
"I'm just a contractor."
365
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,320
So there's probably 5 or 6 hours
366
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,640
- in total to get the rape in.
Yeah.
367
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:17,880
And the wheat...
368
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,720
It's gonna be ready
on Wednesday afternoon.
369
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,760
I guarantee that wheat
will be fit Wednesday afternoon.
370
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,080
Make the call.
371
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,080
I cannot believe
Charlie's gone on holiday.
372
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:30,640
Can you please just make the decision?
373
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,400
- I can't make a decision...
- I'm doing it for you then. We're going.
374
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,800
Ready?
- Charlie told me not to do this.
375
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,040
I'm calling Simon. We're calling it.
376
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,800
When Simon arrived,
I went off to do mushroom business
377
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,920
leaving Kaleb waiting anxiously
to find out
378
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,920
whether his rape gamble had paid off.
379
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,680
Simon, do you copy?
380
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,320
Yeah, I've got you.
381
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:03,920
Are you getting on well?
382
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,880
Erm, yeah. Well, yes.
383
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,160
We're only a quarter full.
384
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,240
Quarter full?
385
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:15,320
At the moment it's saying
a quarter of a tonne to the hectare.
386
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,560
Shitting hell.
387
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:23,320
A lot of these plants
just haven't got any pods on at all.
388
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,560
That's the trouble with rape:
it's a volatile crop.
389
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:42,800
I returned when they were
on the second and final field of rape.
390
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,040
How was, how was, er...
391
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,080
That was shockingly bad.
- How bad?
392
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,080
Really bad.
393
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,480
No, what was the yield?
394
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,920
Oh, like, averaged on 300 kg a hectare.
395
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:56,640
You're joking?
396
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,240
Has that trailer got
the first field in it?
397
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,560
Yeah. I wouldn't go
and have a look if I was you.
398
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,800
Don't do it to yourself, honestly.
399
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,800
See what I mean?
Yeah. 25 acres?
400
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,320
Yeah.
Shit.
401
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,080
Once again,
402
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,800
it was the weather
that had dealt the killer blow.
403
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,680
That's a rape stalk.
Where's all the pods gone?
404
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,720
Oh shit. There's no pods at all.
405
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,200
And look.
If you look this way, behind you.
406
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,760
Can you see it? It's a little bit thinner
and it's going like that in the wind.
407
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,320
It's got so brittle
and that storm and the rain come in,
408
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,160
it's knocking out
the rapeseed that we want.
409
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:39,920
Honestly...
410
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,400
I mean, I am pissed off,
you are pissed off.
411
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,280
I mean, I can see you're pissed off.
412
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,480
I'm just fed up.
413
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,560
I mean, I'd normally taunt you
414
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,320
and say you were told not to plant rape.
415
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:53,920
I'm not in the mood.
416
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,200
I mean, you know...
417
00:20:58,640 --> 00:20:59,520
Cheer up.
418
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,760
Oh, I've just had enough.
- What?
419
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,240
Well, you put
all that time and effort in, and money.
420
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,680
I know it's not my money.
Okay, you know.
421
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:10,080
The 'oo-ar' bit's a joke and that lot.
But it's still...
422
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,800
I still don't want it to do badly,
you know?
423
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:17,080
I'll get you a beer.
424
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:19,760
Yeah.
425
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,040
Aw, mate.
426
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,040
- It's annoying though, isn't it?
Yes.
427
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,400
- And we're in this together, aren't we?
Yeah.
428
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,040
I'll go and get the trailer.
429
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,080
I'll drop this one off
and then I'll meet you back here, yeah?
430
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:35,080
Yeah.
431
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,880
Once the rape was in,
there was a harvesting pause,
432
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,760
so I went to London
to see my new granddaughter...
433
00:21:55,640 --> 00:22:00,440
Leaving Kaleb in charge
of the now very pregnant pigs.
434
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:12,320
She's very close.
435
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,280
She's extremely close. I reckon tonight?
436
00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:19,640
She wants comfort.
437
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:25,520
A bit like going into
the maternity centre with the other half.
438
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,040
Hold their hand...
439
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,320
Massage their back.
440
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,720
Scratch around their ears.
441
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,200
You're okay. Yeah.
442
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,440
Yeah, you're good.
443
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,000
Calms her down, look.
444
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,680
The next day,
the piglets started to appear.
445
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:05,800
Lots of them.
446
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,880
In fact there were so many...
447
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,520
that Dilwyn the vet had to come along
448
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,000
to do a bit of social engineering.
449
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:23,720
Fifteen, sixteen in here.
450
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,000
Yeah, that's too many.
451
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,560
She'll be struggling
to rear more than twelve.
452
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,640
Yeah.
Twelve, thirteen.
453
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,640
I think the best thing to do
is to get the smaller ones
454
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:34,960
and put them over there.
455
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:37,560
She is farrowing outside.
456
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,640
Yeah.
457
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,960
Put them over there.
That'll give them a chance.
458
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,000
Yeah.
459
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,040
Look at that.
460
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,640
Yeah, look at that.
They are minute.
461
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:48,680
They're tiny.
462
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,160
They are absolutely.
463
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:52,800
Look, a mother.
464
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:07,960
That's having a good feed now.
465
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,400
It's wicked, isn't it, when you see that.
466
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:26,640
When I returned,
Lisa and I rushed over to Pig City
467
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,280
to say hello to the new arrivals.
468
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:31,520
Oh...
469
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,240
This is amazing!
470
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,480
Look at the size of that one.
471
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,200
They're heavy already!
472
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,200
And here you are. Sucking straw.
473
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,760
Oh, my God! There's loads!
474
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,160
Well done!
475
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,840
We're not going
to call you Swizz anymore.
476
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,360
In March, Swizz gave birth to three.
477
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,080
That's right.
This time, eleven.
478
00:24:58,240 --> 00:24:59,440
No!
Yes.
479
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,360
Swizz!
Eleven.
480
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,800
So the total number of pigs
we had in March
481
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,080
- was 28 piglets.
- Yeah.
482
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,400
This time, 53.
483
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,040
Whoa. I think that's because they're fit
running up and down that hill.
484
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:13,720
I think it's because
they're happy because of the woods.
485
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,000
I think so.
486
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,640
But, this is the main thing for me,
you know my pig ring?
487
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:19,840
Yes.
488
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,280
Has it worked?
489
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,760
Last time,
490
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,960
28% were squashed by their mothers.
491
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,960
- Ooph.
This time,
492
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,600
13%.
493
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,000
Oh, that's very good.
494
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,160
- That's excellent.
Hey.
495
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,080
Dude! Have you seen
how many piglets we've got?
496
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,280
Have I seen?
I was here helping deliver them.
497
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,400
I'll tell you what, though.
I hate to admit this, yes?
498
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,600
Clarkson's Ring? It works.
499
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:45,720
Yeah.
500
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:50,320
I mean, you can just see,
she's pushed up here against the ring
501
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,120
and the piglets can run behind her.
502
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,760
I mean, that's extraordinary.
503
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,920
We then had to break off
from pig midwifery
504
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,320
because it was time
to harvest the barley.
505
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,360
And as Charlie had feared...
506
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,120
You know
it went in a bit later?
507
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:17,120
Yeah.
508
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,960
It's now putting up
all these little shoots here, look.
509
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:23,600
And those late-maturing ones
will be a problem at harvest.
510
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,360
There were signs
that the erratic weather
511
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,680
had ruined this crop as well.
512
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,960
This is the barley.
And the problem we've got here, look...
513
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,960
Look at the green in that.
That's a green one.
514
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:39,960
It shouldn't be doing that.
515
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,600
The winter wheat
was next in line for a haircut.
516
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:01,320
Breakfast, lunch and dinner.
517
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:11,600
And then, Kaleb headed over
to the last of the big crops...
518
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,960
Durum wheat. Here we come.
519
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,880
Where he was teamed up
with the assistant combine driver.
520
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:28,720
- You all right, mate?
- You all right?
521
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,200
Yeah.
Good.
522
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:33,600
Yeah, you can't...
523
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,200
Them bloody things,
you don't wanna be...
524
00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:38,240
They'd be better off if you could...
525
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,600
It's all right. Don't worry about it.
I thought I'd jump in and see you.
526
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,080
Yeah, that's fine.
527
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,400
You must... Haven't even got time
to fart, I should think.
528
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,440
They still don't know how to come in,
which way to come in, do they?
529
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,400
You know, we can't get
the rest tipped in this trailer yet.
530
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,400
It's still drying and what.
531
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,640
Only went to Romania, didn't it?
532
00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:00,160
- Pardon?
- It's all Mrs Hasting.
533
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,960
Simon is still in that place.
534
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,720
Yeah, that was farming, wasn't it?
535
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:12,680
Yeah.
536
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:21,360
An exhausted Kaleb
finished a couple of days later.
537
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,560
But there was
very little time to relax...
538
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:26,080
Hey!
539
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,440
Because Charlie had returned...
540
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,600
You haven't got a tan.
Your limbs are all intact.
541
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,320
I'm all here.
542
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:37,480
...And immediately wanted
a catch-up on the crops.
543
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:38,880
I got the spring barley in.
544
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,120
Good.
I hope that makes malting.
545
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:42,080
Yeah.
546
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,480
That's the one
that's worrying me the most.
547
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,520
Er, the durum,
that must make pasta grade.
548
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,360
- Yeah.
Because Canada's having
549
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:50,840
a shocker again. It's really hot.
550
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,480
So the price of durum...
- What is the price of durum?
551
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:56,640
Really good.
552
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,560
£500, £600 a tonne.
- OK, yeah.
553
00:28:58,760 --> 00:28:59,760
You go that side.
554
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:03,640
While Charlie and Kaleb
were collecting samples
555
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:07,000
to ascertain the quality
of what we'd harvested,
556
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,080
I was pulling together
the last bits of revenue
557
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,440
from farming the unfarmed,
558
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,200
with one unexpected income stream
559
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,960
coming from what traditionally
is our most jinxed crop.
560
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:20,560
Heel, heel.
561
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,400
Potatoes.
562
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,200
Arya, no, that's my potatoes! No!
563
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:28,560
Get off my potatoes! Go on this way.
564
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,040
No. You eejits. Go on. This way.
565
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,800
Basically, Lisa had commandeered
566
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,400
one of the fields
I'd earmarked for mustard
567
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,600
and planted spuds in it,
568
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:43,320
because she wanted
to have another crack at making crisps.
569
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,920
Do you know how many crisps
people eat in England every year?
570
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,480
- No.
- Six billion.
571
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,280
- Six billion packets of crisps?
Packets.
572
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,640
- It's small wonder Lineker's so rich.
Yeah, exactly.
573
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:57,080
This all sounded very exciting.
574
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,600
But working out how we stood financially
575
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:04,480
triggered another bout
of Diddly Squat maths.
576
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,760
So we've got 50 tonnes. That's...
577
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,720
Well, one tonne is a hundred
thousand kilos, isn't it? Yeah.
578
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:13,720
Is it?
579
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,480
- What's one tonne?
580
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,880
A thousand kilogrammes.
- A thousand kilogrammes is one tonne.
581
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:18,840
Right.
582
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,560
So it's half a million grammes
583
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,720
divided by 120.
584
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:26,520
So you should be getting...
585
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,000
Four million...
586
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,120
No, 4,200 packets of crisps out of here.
587
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,160
How do you... No!
588
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,280
There's a million grammes in a ton.
589
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,320
So it's 50 million.
590
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,560
- I may have got my decimal point wrong.
- I think you might have.
591
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,600
- 400,000 packets of crisps.
No.
592
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,120
No. That'll be 4,160,000...
593
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,520
Lisa, your business plans
are worse than mine.
594
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:46,480
No.
595
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:47,960
- Let's see your numbers on mustard.
- I haven't done them.
596
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:49,400
How do you know you're going to be ahead?
597
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:50,440
It's in my mind...
598
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,160
Eventually, we agreed
599
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,680
the potatoes would bring in...
something or other.
600
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,920
And then, I set off with my trailer,
601
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:04,120
to harvest the mustard fields
Lisa hadn't commandeered.
602
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,920
Ooh. This is gonna be tight.
603
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,040
I think that will
just about get the tractor through,
604
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,240
but what about the trailer?
605
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:32,000
Erm...
606
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:39,520
Shit...
607
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,440
What the hell am I going to do now?
608
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:55,720
Well, how are we gonna get
the combine in?
609
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,120
Well, how are you gonna get
the tractor moved?
610
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,880
- I can get that out the way.
- Go on then. Can you move this?
611
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,920
Because I'm properly stumped on that one.
612
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:09,640
Don't do that!
613
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,480
Oh...
614
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,880
I did not think of doing that.
615
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,320
I did not think of doing that.
616
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:27,560
Bollocks.
617
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,200
Stu...
618
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,280
Fucking hell.
619
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:35,800
Theres's drivers
and there's screwdrivers.
620
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:37,800
And you're a screwdriver.
621
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,760
No, I forgot I could lift it up.
That would have got it through.
622
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,640
- Yeah.
- But I forgot I could lift it up.
623
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,320
How are we gonna get that in, though,
more importantly?
624
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:47,480
Erm...
625
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:53,280
The problem with planting crops
on ground that's not usually farmed,
626
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,000
and I should have realised this,
627
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:57,600
is that none of the gates
628
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,920
are designed for modern farm machinery.
629
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:08,080
So, Simon and Kaleb
had to make a long and irritating detour.
630
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,280
Jesus Christ.
631
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:12,280
Yeah.
632
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:17,080
And then,
to get into the actual mustard field,
633
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,720
we had to smash a fence down.
634
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:26,960
Er, right.
What are we doing here?
635
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:31,640
This was the field where,
five months earlier,
636
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:36,400
Kaleb had been less than impressed
by my planting skills.
637
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,160
Look, you started drilling here,
and then you come along.
638
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:40,760
Fucking great miss.
639
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:43,320
Oh look, another miss.
640
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:46,240
But, now we were here,
641
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:50,200
to me,
the results looked pretty impressive.
642
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,440
So, once Simon had finished combining,
643
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,960
I brought my trailer in,
ready to receive my load.
644
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:08,840
There's the fan.
645
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,520
And here comes the mustard.
There it is, look at that!
646
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:14,680
There's tonnes of it!
647
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:22,680
Is that it?
648
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:27,040
Right...
649
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,120
Well, I guess I better cancel
the speedboat order.
650
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:40,680
Having readjusted
my financial expectations,
651
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,200
I set about turning
the few seeds I did have
652
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,760
into a delicious mustard.
653
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:48,600
What I've done so far
654
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:53,680
is put 1.3 litres of vegetable oil
in there.
655
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,160
I'm now going to add, for 40 jars,
656
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:01,680
2.2 litres of cider vinegar.
657
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,840
I can see why James May decided
to do a cookery show.
658
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,080
You just sit down and put things in jars.
659
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,200
Bee juice.
660
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:15,360
Cider!
661
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,560
Ah! 400 millilitres.
662
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,360
I may have overdone it with the cider
but it'll be fine.
663
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,840
Light, soft brown sugar.
664
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,160
For the whisking, apparently,
I have to be quite frantic. So...
665
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:30,400
I need a hat. Oh, here's a...
666
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:32,760
Apparently, this is a hat.
667
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:42,040
Now, my mustard seeds
now need to be cracked
668
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,680
to let the stuff out of them.
669
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,400
And I have a mustard cracker.
670
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,280
You just put the seeds in...
671
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:58,160
Gotta take the lid off.
672
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,000
Why've they put a bloody...
673
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:14,160
Look at them.
674
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:27,680
Now, being careful to take the lid
off your mustard cracker,
675
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,800
pour these into the top.
676
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,520
There we go. Lovely.
677
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:36,760
Ready?
678
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,640
Right.
Now, that doesn't look very different,
679
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,640
but they have been cracked.
680
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,360
And whisk away.
681
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,840
Once the finished mustard
had been decanted into jars,
682
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:59,920
I took all, erm... 36 of them
683
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:01,920
up to the farm shop.
684
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:04,600
Wooh!
685
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,000
Who thought!
Check it out.
686
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:07,800
"Jeremy's Hot Seed."
687
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,440
Well, you know, it's mustard seed.
Look. Cider and honey mustard.
688
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:11,800
"Hot seed"...
689
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,360
Those are cherries.
690
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:15,880
"Jeremy's Hot Seed"
with a cherry either side.
691
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:17,920
Yeah, I don't know why.
692
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:19,480
Is that an apple?
693
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:21,960
It could be apples.
Yeah, it's apples. They're apples.
694
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:23,520
And they're £6.
695
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:24,840
But we need to explain...
696
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:27,040
Hm... No, for this size...
697
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,520
No, I've really done the maths on this.
698
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,600
£6. £7 in Dalesford.
699
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,640
It's quite small...
Okay. £6, £5.50 each?
700
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,160
No, it's £6!
If you wanna lose money, it's £5.50.
701
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:40,760
- It's £6.
- Okay.
702
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:42,480
- I promise you, it's £6.
- Okay.
703
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,800
We were supposed
to have grown... Erm...
704
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:48,960
Are those Christmas balls local?
705
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,360
Erm...
706
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:54,640
The next morning,
707
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:58,120
Charlie came to see me
with some important news,
708
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,560
because he'd had the results
from the quality tests
709
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:03,160
on our crops.
710
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,800
Morning, Jeremy.
- Charlie, how are you?
711
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:07,920
And I must be honest,
712
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,600
I was quite nervous.
713
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,640
The milling wheat...
The winter wheat is milling wheat.
714
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,360
Yeah, it's made the grade.
715
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,880
Your durum wheat is exceptional.
716
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:19,800
Ooh!
- On some counts.
717
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:23,160
And not quite so exceptional on others.
718
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:28,440
15% moisture. Spot-on.
Yeah.
719
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,160
-15.4.
- Yeah.
720
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,200
- Exceptional.
- Yeah.
721
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,200
Hagberg.
It's meant to be 250.
722
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,080
It's 133.
723
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:45,000
So, that's how elastic
the dough would be.
724
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,160
It gives it a nice elasticity.
So, stretchy dough.
725
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:49,800
You know how pasta...
726
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,800
I'd love to pretend
I knew what that meant.
727
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:56,320
It can't be used.
728
00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:00,600
- So we can't make pasta out of it.
We can't make pasta out of it.
729
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,640
So we just have to feed it
to the cows that we don't have.
730
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:05,400
Yeah.
731
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,800
How many tonnes did we have?
732
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:10,560
We had about 150.
733
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:13,520
150 tonnes,
734
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,000
and we should have got
£400 a tonne for it.
735
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,440
- Yeah.
That's £60,000.
736
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,120
And we're actually going to get...
737
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:21,440
What do we get?
738
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,480
Probably, with feed wheat today,
we'd make 175.
739
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:28,320
26,250.
740
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:32,680
So we've lost £33,750.
741
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:36,400
So...
-£33,750.
742
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:39,520
Because it rained.
743
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:43,480
It doesn't stop I'm afraid.
744
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:44,680
- So we've got...
- What, it gets worse?
745
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,760
We've got the barley results back.
746
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,320
So the barley...
747
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:52,960
Well, it won't germinate.
748
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,960
Because some of it,
as it says, it's just dead.
749
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,120
So it doesn't have
the required germination.
750
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:00,560
So what does it mean?
751
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,200
It means
we can't use it for malting barley.
752
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:06,960
Fucking hell.
753
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,480
How are we gonna make the beer?
754
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:13,520
Erm...
755
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,640
And again,
just forgetting the beer for the moment,
756
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,600
what would we have achieved
had we sold it?
757
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,800
There are about 180 tonnes of barley.
758
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:23,760
And it would have gone for...
759
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,160
235.
760
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:27,360
- A tonne.
Yeah.
761
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,000
So we'd have got £42,000,
762
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:31,760
if we could have sent it
down to Hawkstone.
763
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:32,680
Yeah.
764
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,520
- And what are we going to get?
- 160?
765
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:38,480
As animal feed again?
766
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,880
- 28,000, so we've lost...
- 14,000.
767
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:44,160
14,000.
768
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:47,360
So we've lost 14,000 on the barley.
769
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:49,520
- 30,000...
- 34,000.
770
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:53,600
34,000 on pasta wheat.
771
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:55,920
Barley is a problem.
772
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:58,520
That is a big problem.
I've gotta ring the brewery now.
773
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:02,800
Your durum wheat,
unless we can improve that a little bit,
774
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,400
which it might improve in store,
it sometimes does,
775
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,200
it's feed wheat.
776
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,360
But I'm not in full despair of this yet.
777
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,760
Oh, it's all fucking terrible news.
778
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:16,200
So, we've... I...
779
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,440
Yeah.
I'm not enjoying this job this year.
780
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,480
To cheer myself up
after this dire forecast,
781
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:31,320
I decided it was time
to spring a nice surprise on Lisa.
782
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:36,360
So, on a lovely sunny day,
I drove us over to see Tim,
783
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,440
the cow farmer.
784
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:42,200
Follow me.
785
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,800
- I like a little bit of a run-out. Aw!
I know.
786
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:50,480
No...
787
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:53,160
Pepper!
788
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,920
Aw! No way!
Yeah.
789
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,760
- We haven't seen her for a year
- Of course it is. Look at her face.
790
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,200
And the really big surprise.
Yeah?
791
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,640
That is Pepper's calf.
792
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:06,880
I don't understand.
793
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,600
Pepper got pregnant.
794
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:11,360
- This is Pepper's calf.
- Aw!
795
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,920
Little...
796
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,440
You are the cutest little thing.
You are a sweetheart.
797
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,680
Look at the little Diddly Pepper!
798
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:23,560
Really good-looking calf.
799
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,840
Oh, look at her little...
She's got her little snubby face!
800
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:32,560
Pepper, well done.
You look fantastic as well.
801
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,200
No,
because when I said to Charlie,
802
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:39,440
what will happen to Pepper
when all the mothers...
803
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:40,600
Could we send them back to Tim?
804
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,280
He said, "I wouldn't ask questions
that you don't wanna hear the answer to."
805
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,640
Imagine my surprise when,
nine months later...
806
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:51,880
That's the best surprise
you could have given me.
807
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:53,520
Aw!
808
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:54,520
Tim!
809
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:57,640
How the bloody hell did you do that?
810
00:42:57,840 --> 00:42:59,280
The same bull that was at yours.
811
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:00,480
No.
The same bull?
812
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:02,360
Maestro?
Yeah, Maestro.
813
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,600
Breakheart?
Breakheart Maestro.
814
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,560
What, you mean we brought her back here
and she got up the duff immediately?
815
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:09,000
Yeah. About a month afterwards.
816
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,400
That's a bit rude,
to be honest, Tim.
817
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,400
- She didn't like Oxfordshire, yeah?
- She didn't like Oxfordshire.
818
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:18,120
She's moved back into Northamptonshire.
Yeah, she doesn't like...
819
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,800
She doesn't like
the Oxford District Council.
820
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,680
Yeah, so a little heifer calf.
That's amazing.
821
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,080
And Rose and Harry
have called her Tabatha.
822
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,600
Tabatha?
Or Tabby for short. Yeah.
823
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,360
She's quite a character.
Is she?
824
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:33,400
- Pepper and Tabby.
- Pepper and Tabby, yeah.
825
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:36,160
So gorgeous.
And she's a really good mum.
826
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,640
I'm just so thrilled.
I know...
827
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,560
Now everything's shit, apart from that.
828
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:45,720
That's fantastic.
829
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,280
The world's most famous cow is now a mum.
830
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:07,440
A week later,
all the results from the harvest were in,
831
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:13,520
which meant it was time
for the grand whiteboard finale.
832
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,960
Well, here we are.
Big moment.
833
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,600
Kaleb and I
therefore met in the office
834
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,320
to find out who'd won.
835
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:25,040
So...
836
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,080
By farming
the unfarmed land of the farm...
837
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:35,520
I made £27,614.
838
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:36,520
Profit?
839
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:37,920
- Profit.
Wow.
840
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,040
That is an awful lot of work
841
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:44,200
for not quite enough money
to buy a Mini Countryman.
842
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,360
I could earn more than that
843
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:49,040
by making people cups of coffee
on Paddington Station.
844
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:51,800
- But...
- It's still a profit, though.
845
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,600
You've done better
than I thought you would have.
846
00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:56,160
Look at the cows.
847
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,400
The cow. That, honestly...
848
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,120
that is, as a cow farmer,
849
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:02,440
that is amazing.
850
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,800
- How many cows was that?
- That was from five.
851
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:07,400
£5,000 a cow.
852
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,280
The average beef farmer now
would be getting, as a fat cattle,
853
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:11,920
maybe £1,800.
854
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,640
Well that is because
we got the burger van.
855
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,000
Yeah, we have an outlet for them.
856
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:17,000
Yeah.
857
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,600
Mushrooms, look at that.
858
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,760
That's... I mean,
we should definitely do more mushrooms.
859
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:24,880
Look at that.
- But not like eat more mushrooms.
860
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,800
Nearly £7,000 profit on mushrooms.
That was a good idea.
861
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:28,840
The goats...
862
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:31,600
- Are you gonna keep the goats?
- Yeah, of course.
863
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:32,800
You should slaughter them.
864
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,480
What do you mean "slaughter them"?
865
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,520
- You should kill them, and then eat them.
- No!
866
00:45:36,720 --> 00:45:38,640
- No!
- They're 29 boy goats.
867
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:40,760
- You can't do anything with them.
- No. I like them.
868
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,080
- Nettles, total disaster.
- Yeah, let's not do that.
869
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:48,080
- The venison...
- I think we should keep doing it,
870
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,680
because there's so many deer around.
871
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:54,520
I mean, the upshot is,
it didn't lose money.
872
00:45:54,720 --> 00:45:58,360
You got a profit of £27,014,
but it was a lot of work.
873
00:45:58,560 --> 00:45:59,480
Hello.
- All right, Charlie.
874
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:01,680
Hi. How are you?
- Just doing my numbers.
875
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:02,640
That's very good.
876
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:04,520
Look at this.
877
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:07,760
A 30% uplift on farming the unfarmed.
878
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:08,840
That's a 50% uplift.
879
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:12,120
- No.
Yes.
880
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:14,600
Why is it?
- Because you've made 27,000,
881
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:17,160
and you've spent 50...
882
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:18,560
53.
- Just under 54.
883
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:19,680
So...
884
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:21,840
If you gave me a pound,
885
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:23,640
I've given you £1,50 back.
886
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:25,880
- That's exactly what's just happened.
- Oh.
887
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:29,520
- Oh, I've...
I'm so fucking confused.
888
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:31,560
I don't get it. Anyway.
889
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:33,960
We haven't lost money.
That's the important thing!
890
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:35,840
- He's made a profit!
- I've made a profit.
891
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,440
With my side out of the way,
892
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:42,240
it was now time for Charlie
to let Kaleb know how he'd done.
893
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:43,760
Right. Green or red?
894
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:46,480
You want the red one first.
895
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:51,360
So, contractors,
this is paying you, paying Simon,
896
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:53,040
and hiring.
897
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:57,360
£46,279.
898
00:46:58,600 --> 00:46:59,440
OK?
899
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,680
So that gave you a total cost...
900
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,080
183,000.
901
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:07,320
- 100...
£183,011.
902
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,800
- 0,1,1.
- 180?
903
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:10,800
So that's how much...
904
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:13,600
It's mad to think
you've gotta spend that to grow food.
905
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:15,560
That, all that cost, is to simply...
906
00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:17,200
I know. And then,
907
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:20,600
we haven't... Now my heart's
really going to pitter-patter.
908
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:22,240
So is mine.
So, rapeseed.
909
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,000
- Green pen, isn't it?
Green pen.
910
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,320
Rape, we actually...
There was more of it than...
911
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:29,880
£10,172.
912
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:33,040
So, it looks like
you were right to plant rape.
913
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:34,440
Right and wrong.
914
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,200
One field was very, very poor, yes?
915
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:40,560
But luckily,
and I thank Berry Hill South for this,
916
00:47:40,720 --> 00:47:42,480
we had a really good harvest in there.
917
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,320
- And the yield...
- Was really high.
918
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:48,080
- The one that looked awful...
- Was good.
919
00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:51,400
- And the field that looked...
- But if you hadn't grown rape,
920
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:53,600
you would have planted something else
921
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:56,080
which would have been
even more profitable than that.
922
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:59,800
Yes. But luckily, I covered my costs
and made a little bit on the rape.
923
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:00,760
No, you have.
924
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,440
Okay, good. All right.
What have we got next?
925
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:04,800
- Wheat.
Wheat.
926
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,480
Er, the good news: it made milling.
927
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:08,760
And we put... Yes.
928
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:10,320
Yeah, the winter wheat...
929
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,520
- So that's bread, it's human food.
- Bread wheat.
930
00:48:12,720 --> 00:48:16,320
£93,204.
931
00:48:16,720 --> 00:48:19,040
And that's at £250 a tonne.
932
00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:20,440
£250 a tonne, yeah.
933
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:22,240
Come on, let's keep going.
934
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,560
- Oats made milling.
Yeah.
935
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:28,720
There's been a real disaster
in Northern Europe this year with oats.
936
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:31,040
What a rotten bit of luck for the Finns.
937
00:48:31,240 --> 00:48:35,000
£26,835.
938
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,880
Then we come down to grass seed,
which was your haylage field
939
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:39,200
- at the top.
- Yup.
940
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:42,560
4,890.
941
00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:44,200
How many cuts
did you get, in the end?
942
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:46,000
Three.
- You did get three?
943
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:48,000
But it didn't make any hay.
944
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:50,200
So we won't be able to sell any
to Amanda Holden.
945
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:51,520
No, unfortunately not.
946
00:48:51,720 --> 00:48:53,760
- Andy Cato's field?
Wildfarmed.
947
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:57,320
£7,206.
948
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:00,600
It's not as good as our best wheat field,
but it's better than our worst.
949
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:01,960
So that's made a profit.
950
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:03,840
If that was winter wheat,
we'd have got...
951
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:06,280
No, no. Ah, ah. If I might.
952
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,000
Let's be positive.
953
00:49:08,720 --> 00:49:13,400
Okay, you might have earned more
if we'd have farmed your way.
954
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:15,440
But we haven't lost any money.
955
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:18,000
And we might, and hopefully we have...
956
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:19,840
Improved the soil.
- Improved the soil.
957
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:21,960
And that is something I'm...
958
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:25,720
I don't wanna sound like some
virtue-signalling idiot on Instagram,
959
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:29,760
but I do care about the soil.
So that's... good.
960
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:31,840
Durum wheat? Pasta?
961
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:37,480
You didn't think it was gonna make it,
did you?
962
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:39,040
No, and it has.
963
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:41,280
- Has it?
So...
964
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:44,200
it got up to 170 Hagberg,
965
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:47,840
but because this year's
been so difficult, you know,
966
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:50,280
we've worked with Matthew,
they've milled it and made a grist,
967
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:52,120
so it's made pasta.
968
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:54,440
- Yes!
That is good news.
969
00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:57,920
We got milling on the wheat.
970
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:02,560
£60,165.
971
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,200
- We are going to...
60,000...
972
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:08,160
1, 6, 5.
973
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,720
1, 6, 5!
974
00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:15,040
That looks like a good round number,
doesn't it there? Look at it!
975
00:50:15,240 --> 00:50:16,800
Jesus Christ. It's fantastic.
976
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:20,440
However, spring barley...
Here it is.
977
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:22,960
We can't use it to make Hawkstone beer,
can we?
978
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:26,120
It's the finest quality animal feed.
979
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:30,960
25,526.
980
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:34,200
But if we got malting
on the spring barley,
981
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:35,680
we would have made £60,000?
982
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:37,640
Pretty much double.
983
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:40,280
Okay.
984
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,000
Now can we do the adding up?
This is the important thing.
985
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:45,600
So, green pen, bottom right.
- You've gotta beat 27,600.
986
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:46,920
So, 200...
987
00:50:48,240 --> 00:50:49,240
What?
988
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:53,280
And 27,998.
989
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:58,080
- So your total, at the top, is 44,000...
990
00:50:58,280 --> 00:50:59,280
He's beating me.
991
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:01,320
987.
992
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:03,320
Well, there you go.
993
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:04,600
Wooh!
994
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,280
Well done.
First year of being farm manager
995
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:09,880
and you've kicked my arse completely.
996
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:11,440
But we're a team.
997
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,960
So if we add
those two together... 40, 50...
998
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:16,240
72,5.
999
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,600
72.
£72,000.
1000
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:20,600
- Well, I mean, that is pretty...
A thousand acres.
1001
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:22,640
It's £72 an acre.
1002
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:24,960
We can go to the pub today then.
1003
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:26,880
But, Kaleb, as you know,
1004
00:51:27,240 --> 00:51:29,560
farms always demand cash, don't they?
1005
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:31,360
And we've started next year's cycle.
1006
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:34,360
So actually, I need all of that
to fund the seed,
1007
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:36,040
- the fertiliser and the sprays.
- What?
1008
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:39,120
- So we can't go to the pub?
No.
1009
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:42,000
- What, you need every single penny?
Every single penny.
1010
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:47,000
The seed, ferts and sprays. That's not
even covering the contracting charge.
1011
00:51:48,240 --> 00:51:50,000
So, I'll take you
for a pint then.
1012
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:52,720
I'll tell you something else.
1013
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:55,720
If I hadn't have farmed the unfarmed,
we'd be in trouble.
1014
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:57,080
Yeah.
1015
00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:58,920
The other thing as well
1016
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:03,720
is that, again, I'm in the fortunate
position of having other income streams.
1017
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:10,080
But if you're a normal farmer
and this is your full-time and only job,
1018
00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:14,640
you get two years
where you don't make any money...
1019
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,320
- Yeah.
- You're screwed.
1020
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:17,360
It's really tough.
1021
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:21,200
Because of the fluctuations
we saw in the price of wheat
1022
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:24,000
- and in the price of fertiliser...
Yeah.
1023
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,640
You don't know where you are.
You can't plan.
1024
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:31,320
Literally a butterfly can flap its wings
in China and you go bankrupt.
1025
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:33,400
It's that nuts.
1026
00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:37,840
You used to have
a relatively stable income
1027
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,480
in terms of subsidies but they're going.
1028
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:42,720
- It's really hard to...
I'd like to think
1029
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,720
the future of farming is bright and light
for young generations coming in.
1030
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:47,240
Especially me! I'm 25 years old.
1031
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:49,280
I've got maybe potentially
60 harvests left.
1032
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:50,360
How? How?
1033
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,000
I don't know! I honestly don't know.
1034
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:54,400
- How?
But I want to stay positive
1035
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,520
because I love what I do.
1036
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:02,360
I'm gonna speak to the president again.
The Prime Minister, sorry.
1037
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:04,960
President!
Fucking hell.
1038
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:07,520
President...
1039
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:13,320
It was hard,
giving Charlie every penny we'd made
1040
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:17,040
to buy seed and fertiliser
for the following year.
1041
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:22,400
Because it meant we'd been through a lot
1042
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:24,920
to earn nothing at all.
1043
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:28,120
♪ Well I think it's fine ♪
1044
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:32,320
♪ Building jumbo planes ♪
1045
00:53:33,720 --> 00:53:35,640
♪ Or taking a ride ♪
1046
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:39,360
♪ On a cosmic train ♪
1047
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:45,440
♪ I know we've come a long way ♪
1048
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:48,800
♪ We're changing day to day ♪
1049
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:56,440
♪ But tell me,
where do the children play? ♪
1050
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:01,400
♪ When you crack the sky ♪
1051
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:05,200
♪ Scrapers fill the air ♪
1052
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:09,560
♪ But will you keep on building higher ♪
1053
00:54:09,720 --> 00:54:12,080
♪ Til there's no more room up there? ♪
1054
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:16,560
♪ I know we've come a long way ♪
1055
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:20,000
♪ We're changing day to day ♪
1056
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:25,520
♪ But tell me,
where do the children play? ♪
1057
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:37,800
Yup.
It had been yet another tumultuous year.
1058
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:41,440
But, as is now customary,
1059
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:45,280
Team Diddly Squat gathered
to mark its passing...
1060
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:49,240
With a picnic in the woods
1061
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:52,720
next to one of my lesser triumphs.
1062
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:55,920
Dam's not quite finished.
1063
00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:57,880
Look at it!
1064
00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:00,520
You know we've gone backwards.
I was about to say.
1065
00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:02,440
- Have you actually started it?
It's such a mess.
1066
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:04,440
That is a disgrace, to be honest.
Both of you.
1067
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:07,240
It's like a pair of children
have been playing down there, innit?
1068
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:08,600
- Yeah.
- What?
1069
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:11,920
That's exactly what it is.
1070
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:13,480
Wow!
1071
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:17,440
Dogs are still untrained.
1072
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:19,840
You are filthy!
No, go away. Go away.
1073
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:23,440
I was thinking the other day.
1074
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,040
Farmers moan. Often with good reason.
1075
00:55:28,840 --> 00:55:31,360
Bloody difficult. Don't get much pay.
1076
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:34,840
Get lambasted by everybody
for harming the environment.
1077
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:38,040
Why are they fighting
to keep the industry going?
1078
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:40,560
You know, why would you?
1079
00:55:40,720 --> 00:55:43,960
And then I remembered you saying
four years ago,
1080
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,560
"It's a way of life, farming."
1081
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:48,520
- You'd agree.
Yeah.
1082
00:55:49,240 --> 00:55:51,320
Yeah. I mean,
you know, in the first year I went,
1083
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:54,120
"Shall I go back to London
or shall I stay here?"
1084
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:56,000
It doesn't even enter my head...
1085
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:58,240
- Oh, fuck.
1086
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:02,360
It doesn't even
enter my head now.
1087
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,160
I mean, I've gotta go to London
next Tuesday...
1088
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:08,840
I'm already dreading it and trying
to think of excuses for not going.
1089
00:56:09,240 --> 00:56:11,080
- You know you went away to Africa?
Yeah.
1090
00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:12,840
- I hate to admit this.
Yeah.
1091
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:14,840
I kinda missed you.
1092
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:19,480
The plane's gonna crash
just as you say that.
1093
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:21,160
When you said "kind of"...
1094
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:22,560
Really?
1095
00:56:22,720 --> 00:56:24,920
I missed him as a person,
not his helping on the farm.
1096
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:27,720
- What do you want, Kaleb?
- Our little cup of teas,
1097
00:56:27,920 --> 00:56:30,640
our little chats, our meal out
on the weekend, our chit-chats,
1098
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:33,080
farming chats, and...
1099
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:35,760
- You do need that community around.
- Yeah.
1100
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:38,880
You do need that sort of...
Otherwise, it's quite a lonely...
1101
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:40,240
I know.
1102
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:43,120
And we've had the usual year of rows,
difficulties,
1103
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,400
bad weather, disappointments, deaths.
1104
00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:49,360
The pigs were just awful.
Baroness and so on.
1105
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:51,320
But, let us look at it this way.
1106
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,400
I became a grandfather
for the first time,
1107
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:57,280
since we were last here.
1108
00:56:57,480 --> 00:56:59,040
You became a father again.
1109
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:00,960
And you,
1110
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,480
the G Dog, beat the Big C.
1111
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:05,520
Yeah.
1112
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:06,880
We can drink to that.
- Yeah.
1113
00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:08,480
- Cheers.
Well done, mate.
1114
00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:10,680
Well done, well done.
- Cheers. Thank you.
1115
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:12,680
- Well done.
- Thank you.
1116
00:57:13,040 --> 00:57:14,760
- And thank you.
You're welcome.
1117
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:18,600
Thank you everybody for helping
to make this the best job in the world.
1118
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:21,160
I would like to thank everybody,
1119
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:24,440
all the film crew
and all of my friends here.
1120
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:28,320
All of you have been so kind
to me and my family.
1121
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:31,000
Thank you very much.
1122
00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:33,600
Gerald, that's brilliant.
We're here for you all the time.
1123
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:35,000
That's good.
1124
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:36,000
Cheers.
1125
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:37,360
Cheers, guys.
1126
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:45,920
{\an8}♪ I was born in the wagon
of a travelin' show ♪
1127
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:48,520
{\an8}♪ My mama used to dance
for the money they'd throw ♪
1128
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:52,760
♪ Papa would do whatever he could ♪
1129
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:56,520
♪ Preach a little gospel ♪
1130
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:59,680
♪ Sell a couple bottles of Doctor Good ♪
1131
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:04,280
♪ Gypsies, tramps, and thieves ♪
1132
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,120
♪ We'd hear it
from the people of the town ♪
1133
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:10,240
♪ They'd call us
gypsies, tramps, and thieves ♪
1134
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:13,280
♪ But every night
all the men would come around ♪
1135
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:16,240
♪ And lay their money down ♪
1136
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,400
♪ I never had schoolin'
but he taught me well ♪
1137
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:23,600
♪ With his smooth southern style ♪
1138
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:25,760
♪ Three months later,
I'm a gal in trouble ♪
1139
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:29,800
♪ And I haven't seen him for a while ♪
1140
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:37,120
♪ I haven't seen him for a while ♪
1141
00:58:39,440 --> 00:58:42,400
{\an8}♪ She was born in the wagon
of a travelin' show ♪
1142
00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:45,160
{\an8}♪ Her mama had to dance
for the money they'd throw ♪
1143
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:49,880
{\an8}♪ Grandpa'd do whatever he could ♪
1144
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:52,480
{\an8}♪ Preach a little gospel ♪
1145
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:56,440
{\an8}♪ And sell a couple bottles
of Doctor Good ♪
1146
00:58:57,920 --> 00:58:59,960
{\an8}♪ Gypsies, tramps, and thieves ♪
1147
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:02,360
♪ We'd hear it
from the people of the town ♪
1148
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:06,400
♪ They'd call us
gypsies, tramps, and thieves ♪
1149
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:10,160
♪ But every night
all the men would come around ♪
1150
00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:12,520
♪ And lay their money down ♪
82591
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.