All language subtitles for Cheers.S06E03.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

What, that cute little dimple?
Well, I think I've still got it.

It's kind of hard for me
to see back there.

Renee, I'm gonna have
to get back to you.

Yeah, bye-bye.

Linda, sweetheart,
can we continue this over lunch?

Well, your place. Don't cook.

Let me guess. Personal call?

Very.

Malone, I find winking
really smarmy.

Yeah, but beneath this smarm
is a lot of charm

and I think you know that.

I know this,
I want you out of my office. Now.

All right, all right.

I'm sorry. I know I'm not supposed
to get personal calls here,

but what the hey? Super-Strength Sammy's
been off the shelves now

for over a year. There's a lot of
pent-up demand out there.

- What can I say?
- Say, "I better get back to work.

I don't want to get fired."

You're cute when you're humorless.
You know that?

Cheers.

No, Simone, I'm sorry.
Sam's working.

Simone? Wait, wait, wait.

Try him later at home.

Well, then perhaps on your next visit
to the States.

Simone? Come on, you just cost me
a roll in the hay.

- I owe you one.
- You're on.

I didn't mean that! Wait, I think
we need to get something--

Cliff, listen to this,

"Scientists discover
wild parrot who claims to be Elvis."

So?

So, I mean, this one wins the
Too Stupid for Even You, Cliff Award.

Oh, really, must you two wallow
in this sensationalistic tripe?

It really pains me no end
to see America's wits dulled

and her morals abrogated
by this opiate of the asses.

Well, listen, and check this out,
Cliff ie.

"I Was Sigmund Freud's
Love Child."

No! I'd heard rumors that he'd
betrayed Martha with his sister-in-law,

but I never dreamed
there were progeny.

You rapscallions.

What are you whistling about, huh?

You haven't got a dime
to your name,

you're working for a woman
who's a meat grinder,

and you look like a baboon
in that uniform.

Boy, life really stinks.

- You okay?
- I feel like puke.

Well, you're wearing
the right uniform.

- You wanna talk about it?
- No.

What's there to say about a no-good,
ice-eating little geek like Eddie LeBec?

He's known since a week ago
that I got his bun in my oven,

and what the hell has he
done about it? Jack diddly.

Don't look now, but your
ice-eating geek just walked in.

Don't you just love him?

- Hi, Carla.
- Hi, Eddie.

You busy?

Just a minute. Look, would you just
write down what you want

and hand it to Howdy doody
over there?

- I'm all yours.
- Okay.

- So, what's new?
- Well, I've had a lot on my mind lately.

- Yeah.
- You know,

training camp's really been rough,

and a lot of competition at goalie,

and really having to work my tail off
to keep up, eh?

- Sounds rough.
- Yeah.

Say, since I'm here, there's something
I've been wanting to ask you.

- Yeah?
- It's a question.

I like questions.

Okay, but this is the kind of question
a guy really doesn't wanna ask

if he thinks he might get "no'
for an answer.

Well, it's kind of hard for a girl
to give an answer

until she knows
what the question is.

Okay, but it would be a lot easier
for a guy if he had some sort of sign--

- Ask me, you little frog!
- Okay.

- Carla, would you--?
- Yes! Yes!

- Yes.
- Oh, oh, thank you, thank you.

Carla, do you mind if we,
you know, we keep this quiet?

You know me.
I don't like a lot of hoopla.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

- Would it be okay if I just told Sam?
- I guess.

Hey, Sammy, me and Eddie
are getting married!

Oh, my God.

Get over here, Eddie.

- What's going on?
- Great news, Miss Howe.

Carla's marrying Eddie LeBec.

Oh, that cute little guy
with the dents in his nose.

Hey, listen up, everybody.

Wait, wait, wait.
Here we go, here we go, here we go.

I wanna be making a toast
to my beautiful bride-to-be.

Listen, you know,
I don't make my living using words,

so this is gonna be kind
of hard for me, okay?

But here goes.

Carla...

Well, you know.

Well, you know.

Yeah.

I love you, sweetie.

Congratulations, man. This is terrific.
You gonna take her on a honeymoon?

- Hey, got any suggestions?
- Yeah, New Orleans.

I found a great
little honeymoon spot

just kind of tucked away off
Bourbon Street.

Great food, very romantic,
steamy atmosphere, you know.

Yeah, I had the time of my life
and then Vera tracked me down.

Well, if I get any time off
from training camp,

I thought maybe Carla
might like to see Waikiki.

Waikiki? Honolulu, Hawaii?

Sure, we'll hit them all.

Yeah, all right!

I only hope I can get some time off
from the Howitzer.

Sorry. Miss Howitzer.

Time off? You'll be having
all the time in the world.

You think I'll be having a wife of mine
work in a crummy bar like this?

No of fence, Miss Howitzer.

It's Miss Howe.

Oh, take it easy. They're just
complimenting your big guns.

Wait a minute. You're telling me
that I don't have to work anymore?

You mean I can just sit around
the house all day

eating peanut butter out of a jar
and watching my toenails grow?

She's quite a catch, Ed.

Boy, you know, I'm gonna miss you
around here.

Oh, Sammy,
I'll drop by once in a while

to watch all you nine-to-fivers
spill drinks on your butler suits.

- So when's the big day, Carla?
- I'd like to do it as soon as possible

before my little hunk of
back bacon here changes his mind.

Oh, no way. I'm not one of
those flakes you used to go out with.

But listen, we have to get married
on a day with a two in it

- because two's my lucky number.
- Rats. Mine's three.

Oh, no sweat.
Lucky two, lucky three.

We can get married on the 23rd
or the 32nd.

- That's right, honey.
- Oh, right, right, no.

Well, as long as it's not
on a Wednesday.

- Oh, yeah, bad juju.
- Yeah.

This is gonna be
an interesting wedding.

The two most superstitious people
in the world.

Hey, don't say that. It's bad luck.

Listen, whatever you do,
don't make any plans afterwards

because we're gonna throw you
the biggest wedding reception

- in history right here.
- Oh, great!

Come on.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Force of habit. Not my place to do that.
I'm sorry.

Miss Howe's gonna throw you
the biggest wedding reception.

I need to talk to you right now.

- Oh, boy. Wait--
- Exactly what--

Before you say anything, let me just--
I had an idea.

Why don't you invite your boss,
what's-his-name, Evan Drake?

He's a sports fan, so I hear,

and maybe he'd enjoy meeting
Eddie LeBec there.

You know, you could throw him
a big bash.

Impress the pants off him.

What were you gonna say?

I was going to tell you to smile more.

I didn't say smugly.

Excuse me,
I have a phone call to make.

Well, hey, Eduardo, looks like
you and Carla

aren't the only lovebirds
in town.

- Check out Didi and David there.
- Who?

Didi and David Lesofski.

The Weekly Gabber's
Odd Couple of the Month.

See, she weighs in there
at 480 pounds,

and he tips the scales at a mere 92.

But they're-- I mean,
just look at the love in his eyes.

I think that's fear, Cliff.

Cute baby he's holding.

That's her arm, Woody.

Cute arm he's holding.

Hey, picked the date yet?

Yep. Eddie wants to do it a week
from Saturday, anytime before 4 p.m.,

which is okay with my psychic
as long as our auras

remain in the blue spectrum
and there's no solar eclipse.

It's really tough planning a wedding,
isn't it?

Tell me about it.

I'm just a little nervous
about waiting eight days.

Gives Eddie an awful long time
to come to his senses.

Look at him.

He's absorbed in thought over there.

Well, maybe not.

There.

The table looks nice.

Woody, don't you think the table
looks nice? I think it looks nice.

- Looks nice.
- You think so?

Oh, damn, I bet chuckle brain
forgot to pick up the napkins.

Oh, no, Sam didn't forget.

Eddie brought these special
wedding ones they had made up.

"We don't want to get married.
We have to. Ha-ha."

Cute.

You see the little hillbilly
with the shotgun?

Yes, he's nice, isn't he?

But I think these are just
a little too funny for the reception.

Burn them.

Did you remember to get
the cinnamon-almond decaf?

Yeah, I did. Who likes that?

Evan does. Everyone does.

Excuse me, Miss Howe,
I know it's none of my beeswax,

but it seems to me like
you're awfully nervous

about Mr. Drake coming by today.

Do you like him or something?

In a business sense, yes.

I admire his skills
and accomplishments.

You like him.

Boys, we're all set up
with my buddy Bruce.

He can get us the same silverware
Carla picked out

from the Filene's catalogue
for over two-thirds off.

Oh, yeah. So, what's the bite sky?

Twenty bucks apiece.
I'll catch you guys later.

Say, Norm, there isn't any chance
that this stuff

- is stolen merchandise, is there?
- No, of course not.

Listen, if anyone asks, we never heard
of Bruce, we can't find the receipt,

and if you run into me
up on the street, call me Larry.

My mind's at ease.

Hey, Sam,
what are you concocting there?

Oh, you know how superstitious
Carla and Eddie are.

I thought I'd mix them up a batch
of my good-luck wedding punch.

Never fails.

Oh, isn't that
the same stuff you made

when you were getting married
to Miss Chambers?

Woody, you wanna flush
this down the toilet?

- Hi, guys.
- Hey.

Carla, what are you doing here
on your wedding day?

Oh, actually, I came by
to get my last paycheck.

See, the bridal shop has this policy
about their wedding gowns:

"Fork over the jack
or it stays on the rack."

So where is it?

Oh, I'm so sorry that I don't have it
ready for you right this very second.

I guess I've just been busy putting
up every single decoration

and ordering all the hors d'oeuvres
and getting a band together

at the very last minute
so that your reception

could be just perfect for you.

Could you step on it? I'm in a hurry.

Soda, bartender.

Coming right up.

So how's the bride on her big day?

Couldn't be better, Sammy.
All celestial omens are favorable.

Seems that Eddie and I
picked the one day of this century

when all the planets and constellations
are in perfect alignment.

So either we get married
by 4:00 today

or we wait until the year 2042.

I don't know. Call me old-fashioned,

but I still think you ought to
get married before your baby does.

How did you manage
to swing a church wedding?

You know, being divorced and all?

Don't you remember? I had my
marriage to Nick annulled years ago.

Oh, right, right, right.
It took forever.

But things got speeded up

when Nick tried to sell
the bishop his watch.

Hey, isn't that Eddie LeBec sashaying
down those stairs there, Doc?

It sure looks like it.

But Carla's here. isn't there some
superstition about the groom

seeing the bride
before the wedding?

Nobody believes in that anymore.

- You saw me.
- I saw you.

- I saw you see me.
- I saw you see me see you.

Shut up, you're making it worse.

Oh, my God. We were so careful
about every single thing

and then we blew the single
most important superstition of all.

Seeing the bride
on the day of the wedding.

- What are you doing here?
- I was meeting my mother.

- What are you doing here?
- I came by to get my check.

That's it. We've blown it.
We can't get married now.

Call me in 2042.

Yeah, okay, I'll see you.

You guys are kidding.
Come on, now. Eddie.

What am I doing?

Carla.

Look, I don't wanna give up the
best thing that ever happened to me.

Oh, come off it, Eddie.
You're just as superstitious as I am.

Well, not anymore.

And I'm gonna prove to you there's
nothing to all that mumbo jumbo.

Woody, hand me a mirror.

You know, the one Sam's
always looking at himself in.

- What are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna break it.

The bad luck is starting already.
He's lost his mind.

Hey, that's my mirror.

You see? Nothing.

The ground didn't open up
and swallow me.

That's because they want you
out in the open

where lightning can get you.

Don't do that!

Which shoulder do you throw
salt over to avoid bad luck?

The left, the left.

No! No, no. Forgive him,
demons of hell, he's a hockey player.

Don't. Don't answer it. Don't, don't.

- Cheers.
- Thanks, Woody.

Carla, it's for you.

Go on. Go on, answer it.

- Yeah.
- Would you take it?

Come on.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Dr. Natelson.

How did my tests come out?

You've gotta be kidding.

What? What is it?

Twins.

He spills the salt, he breaks the mirror,
and I'm the one having twins!

I told you something horrible
was gonna happen.

What is so bad?

Twins means we're twice blessed.

Yeah, I had twins once.

It was the happiest day of my life.

Oh, lighten up, lighten up.

Carla. Carla, this is great.

Eddie.

You're really happy about this?

I'm the happiest man on Earth.

Listen, Carla, you and me, we can--

We can overcome any obstacles
that are in our way.

You're a great guy, Eddie.

Dumb as a skate blade,
but a great guy.

Ma!

Oh, my baby's home!

You see, I knew things
would look up.

- What's wrong?
- Ma, nothing. Everything's aces.

It's just that, hey, when you called
about getting remarried,

I realized how much I love you.

I just wanted to be with you
on this day.

And?

And Dad's TV shop went under.

We got evicted,
and I can't get unemployment

because Daddy didn't claim me
an employee.

Well, I'm just glad my little boy's here
for my wedding.

What about his lovely wife?

I'm just glad my little boy's here
for my wedding.

Actually, Mother Tortelli,
we didn't wanna return to Vegas.

We don't think it's any place
for children to grow up.

- You're having a kid?
- I'm talking about us.

So if we could find someone
here in Boston

with a nice house
and lots of extra room...

Do you know anyone like that,
Mother Tortelli?

No, no, no. You don't wanna come live
in my little, tiny, overcrowded house.

Ma, it's just temporary.
Just till I get back on my feet.

Hey, if it's a problem,
we'll find someplace else to stay.

Yeah, I think I saw
a nice cardboard box in the alley.

See? See? What did I tell you?

This is the bad luck
I've been warning you about.

Carla, don't worry about it.
I mean, the more the merrier.

Look, I'm gonna get
a major salary bump this season

and then I'll buy us all
the biggest house in Boston.

- A new house?
- Well, you bet.

Now do you finally believe
that nothing bad is gonna happen?

No. I'll just have more closet space
when it does.

Anthony, I'm Eddie LeBec.

I guess I'm your new stepfather.

I'm hoping one day
you'll call me Dad.

Hey, Nick Tortelli is my dad.

You are not my father
and you never will be!

- Anthony!
- You only knocked up my Ma

so she'd have to marry you.

Ma, I'm sorry,
the guy was asking for it.

Come on, Annie, let's go.

Forgive him.
He has the hot passion of his race.

And I have the envy
of every woman I know.

Well, this is it.

This is the bad luck.

I mean, what could be worse than
my kid hating my husband?

Look, it's okay. He's just a kid.

Oh, you don't get it, Eddie.
He's the nicest one I got.

Look, Carla, he's just being protective
of his mother.

I mean, God knows
that I think my mom

is the greatest woman on Earth.

And I can only hope that our kids
feel the same way.

Are you from this planet?

- Carla, here's your final paycheck.
- Thank you.

I might say that you have been
a unique employee,

and it's gonna be very difficult
to fill your uniform.

- Thanks.
- You don't happen to know

any other short pregnant
cocktail waitresses, do you?

- Yeah? Can I help you?
- Eddie LeBec.

Mama!

Carla.

Carla.

Carla.

Mama. Mama.

- Carla!
- No, no, Mama.

No, no, no. Me, Rebecca.

Her, Carla.

Enjoy.

- Carla?
- I'm so happy to meet you.

Ma.

Ma.

Mama.

Mama.

She says she has to catch a bus.

Mama!

I get the feeling
she wasn't nuts about me.

- What'd she say?
- What makes you think I'd know?

Because all you pompous windbags
speak French.

Well, she said she'll never allow
this marriage,

especially to a pregnant hussy
who's only trying to trap her son.

Then she said she'd rather be
dragged around town by her tongue.

Or else she called you
a small grapefruit.

Eddie. Eddie, Eddie, wait a minute.

Before you say anything,
I know what your mother said.

And it doesn't matter to me.

You finally convinced me

that our love can conquer
any bad luck that comes our way.

I mean it.
Anthony and Annie moving in.

Your ma hating me.
Anthony hating you. Twins.

I mean, every time one of these
little piddly things came up,

I kept thinking you were gonna say,

- 'The wedding's off.'
- The wedding's off.

Yeah. That's what
I kept expecting you to say.

- The wedding's off.
- Yeah, yeah,

we're all clear
on what I thought you'd say.

The wedding's off.

But you never said it.