All language subtitles for Cheers.S05E16.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Okay, guys, that's it.
Closing time.

All right. It's hard to believe
17 hours could slip by that quickly.

Well, good night, Sammy.

Don't forget.
Tonight's the night we go off

daylight-savings time.

Be sure to change your clocks.

Let's see, now, it's 2:00 now,
so which way does it go?

That's spring forward,
fall back, Mr. Peterson.

All right. So it's 1:00.

1:00?

Set 'em up, Sammy.

I was this close to going home.

I love this universe.

Good afternoon, Sam. Everyone.

Hey, Frasier. What's wrong?

You look like you lost
your best friend.

Well, in a manner
of speaking, I have.

A colleague of sorts
passed away today.

Someone who contributed volumes
to the world of psychology.

Well, I'm sorry.
Is it anybody I know?

Bombo the chimpanzee.

Don't you remember,
Sam?

They shared an office.

See, Bombo was one
of Dr. Harry Harlowe's apes.

Dr. Harlowe
was a behavioral theorist

who worked extensively
with primates,

studying human parenting
and child rearing.

Bombo was the last
of the group,

and he was the baby.

I can still see him

clutching his little
cloth surrogate mother.

I don't think we'll
ever see his like again.

Can I get you anything?

Please. Something to take
my mind off my troubles.

How 'bout
a banana daiquiri?

Cute. Yeah.

Good afternoon, everyone.

Hello.

Oh, hello, my darling.

Oh, my, will you
look at that ring?

My boyfriend gave it to me.

You'll have to pardon
my giddiness.

I'm in such
a glorious mood today.

I don't think
anything could spoil it.

Bombo is dead.

Nope, not even that.

I have been selected to serve
the Commonwealth of Massachusetts

on jury duty.

Oh, God.

They tried
to get me once,

but I got off 'cause
I got a good excuse.

I'm the sole support
of 6 kids.

I suppose they felt that anyone
who hadn't mastered birth control

isn't smart enough for jury duty.

You know, I tried to serve,
but they disqualified me.

I can't understand it
'cause they went for my theory.

What theory is that?

The one about bringing
back the guillotine.

Gee, they turned
you down, huh?

I guess the old inmates
are running the asylum, huh?

Well, I'm honored
to have been chosen

to participate in our system
of jurisprudence.

I'll be proud to serve
on a jury of my peers,

or so they'll think.

You know,

other than voting, I think jury duty
is the single greatest privilege

America bestows on her citizenry.

Couldn't get out of it, huh?

I tried everything.

Hey. You know who that is?

Oh, yeah. It's Eddie LeBec.

Eddie LeBec right here? All right.

Wow. Eddie LeBec.

Who is Eddie LeBec?

Well, if they're excited
about seeing him,

he's either a sports figure,
or he holds the world's record

for stuffing beer nuts up his nose.

That is Jimmy "The Snorkel" Stevenson.

He's the new goalie for the Bruins.

Hey, that old guy's hardly new.

He's been around the league
for a while.

Yeah, but since the Bruins
picked him up,

he's won 5 in a row.

Oh, the injustice of it.

A man rises to such popular acclaim
simply by stopping a hockey puck with his face...

While a courageous little chimp
who advanced man's scientific knowledge

dies almost anonymously.

You should've gotten
the monkey a pair of skates.

You know, I've always had this thing
for goalies and catchers,

guys who wear masks.

Some girls like the scorers.
You know, the glamour guys.

Me, I like the grunts.

Crouched down, and take everything
that's thrown at them.

Scarred faces, teeth missing,
noses mashed to a meaty pulp.

God, they're sexy.

He's looking pretty thirsty
over there, Carla.

Well, let me at him.

Hi, there.

Could I have a glass
of club soda, no ice,

two slices of lime,
and a red straw, please?

Club soda, no ice,

two slices of lime,
and a red straw, please.

Sam, uh... club soda...

Yup.

I heard. I heard.

That was masterful, Carla.

You know what line I think
really won his heart?

Wow. Eddie LeBec.

Sure is exciting

seeing a sports figure in real life.

What about me, Woody?

I can't speak for you, Sam.

I only know I'm excited.

Oh, thank you.

Uh...

Eddie, uh... I'm sorry.

I'm a little tongue-tied.

I guess it's because
I'm really a big fan of yours.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

You know who I am?

Are you kidding?

Eddie LeBec, born in Quebec.

Drafted out of the juniors in the fifth round
to the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Played for a year with the Leafs,
then traded to the Winnipeg Jets.

Then to Calgary, then to Boston.

Two game misconducts,
'78 and '81.

Currently leads the
league in goals against.

Unmarried.
Favorite number is 555-7843.

What's that?

Where I can be reached at night.

Well, it's really nice meeting you.

Carla. Carla Tortelli.

Can I get you some pretzels?

Oh, no. I just drink
one club soda, no ice,

two slices of lime,

and a red straw
before every game.

Ah, superstitious, huh?

Oh, no.

Just things have been
going so well for me here in Boston

I don't want to do anything

- that might change that, you know?
- Oh, right.

Well, what other little
rituals do you have?

I don't know.

Brush my teeth every day.

No kidding.

I lace my left skate first,
then my right skate.

Left then right, yeah.

And, um, since my winning streak started,

I wear my underwear inside out.

You are really a fascinating guy.

Oh, God. Carla, you know, I got to go.

- Yeah.
- It was really nice meeting you.

Yeah. You, too.

Thank you.

Say, Carla,

would you like my tickets
for tonight's game?

Yeah, well, you can just
pick them up at will-call.

Oh, thanks.

It was really nice meeting you.

You, too, Eddie.

- Okay.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- See ya.

Guys. Guys! Guys!

Get this.

I got Eddie's tickets
to the garden tonight.

Bruins and Canadiens.

Seats so choice,
you can smell the sweat.

Anybody want the other ticket?

Oh, God. I'd love to go,

but I can't. I got to work.

Oh. too bad, Sam.

Wait a minute.
Don't you have to work, too?

You don't think
you can keep me here, do you?

Come on. What happened to,

"Sam, could I please
have the night off?"

Sam, may I please
have the night off?

Yes.

See how easy it is if you just ask?

So, who's it going to be?

- Me!
- Me!

I only have one.

- Me!
- Me!

Cliff, Cliff. Wait a second now, man.

Our friendship's a little too important
to be ripped apart

by something as stupid as a hockey ticket.

Well, I guess
you're right, Normie.

Sporting events
are only for a few hours.

Friendship like ours
lasts forever.

- All right, there you go.
- So, who's gonna take it?

- Me!
- Me!

None of you. You get out of here.

Isn't there anybody else?

What about Frasier?

Hey, Frasier, you look like
you could use a pick-me-up.

A hockey game?

Yeah.

No, thank you.

I've been to
the bullfights in Spain.

I've been to the altar with Diane.

I think that's enough
carnage for one life.

Oh, come on, Frasier. Go.

Bombo would've wanted you to.

Perhaps you're right.

You know, I've always wondered
what makes the average person

turn into an animal
at a sporting event.

Perhaps I could
witness the phenomenon

and write a paper on it.

Put Dr. Frasier crane
back on the map.

Carla, thank you. I accept.

Well, at least I won't
be fondled all night.

Man, what a game!
Eddie stopped 40 shots!

I haven't seen a guy
have a night like that

since Harmon Killebrew hit those
three moonshot homers off of you, Sam.

Yes, I was certainly lucky to be there
to see that, wasn't I?

Then at the end of the game,

when the crowd was giving
Eddie a standing "O,"

He skated right past me and spit.

Well, you're very lucky, Carla.

Most men would've
been embarrassed

to make such a show of affection
in public.

You know, I got to believe
you're right.

Yeah. Carla, where's Frasier?

I don't know.
the last I saw of him,

they were hauling him off
in a security van.

Well, just curious.

Security van?
What happened?

I don't know. I was watching the game.
I guess there some kind of scuffle.

He got caught up in it.

Good lord.

Oh, hey, Carla.
Look who came back, huh?

I'm sure he's not here
just to see me.

Carla...

The man spit.

Hey, great game, Eddie.

Oh, thanks, Carla.

Want a beer?

Yeah, sure.

Beer, Sam.

So, um, what are you
doing back here?

Well, I'm kind of new in Boston.

I really
don't know anybody.

That'll be all.

Well, how about the other guys
on the team?

I don't know.
Most of the other guys are married,

or they have girlfriends.

So, I just thought
I'd come back and see...

You know,
how you liked your seats.

Loved them.

I like your seat, too.

Carla, you coquette.

Say, Carla, can you
come around and sit down?

And maybe we can talk a bit.

Sure.

Oh, thanks.

So...

- You're a hockey fan, eh?
- Oh, yeah.

Well...

what else should I know about you?

Me? Well, uh...

I'm in my mid-20s...

Never been married...

Got no kids.

You're next in line
to the Throne of England.

Dr. Frasier Crane,

noted psychiatrist...

winner of the Mildred Bergen Fellowship,

author of 27 published articles,

is out on bail.

Frasier, what happened?

Well, you know, I've always prided myself
on being a man of control and maturity,

but suddenly I was swept up
into this crowd's excitement.

Damn me to a junior college for saying it,

I was enjoying myself.

I guess the controlled
mayhem of the situation

made me more assertive.

Also, there was this guy
sitting in front of me

who insisted on wearing
his cowboy hat.

Well, I asked this huckleberry
several times to remove it,

and he refused.

And so, then I just took it off his head
and handed it to him.

He handed it back to me
with his fist in it.

Next thing I know, I'm in the holding cell
in North End Station House

with the cast of The Road Warrior.

Did you get
Mel Gibson's autograph?

So you had a little fight
and you stood up for yourself.

Come on, look me in the eye,
face to face here.

Didn't it feel great?

Well, I have to admit
there was a moment there

when I had a feeling
of satisfaction

like never before in my life.

Sorry, Diane.

So, Carla,
I better get back to my place.

I got to look at some films.

I just, um, I don't know.

I just wanted to stop in and see...

Hey, Eddie. You know,

I really should be honest with you.

I do have kids.

Two.

Well, I love kids.

Six.

I'd still like
to see you again, okay?

Anytime.

No. no.

If these guys find out that
you kissed me,

that's all I'd be hearing about
for the next month.

- All right.
- Come on.

He kissed me!

That was my lawyer.

He managed to get the authorities
to drop all the charges.

All right.

You got off scot-free, huh?

Not exactly.

It seems I have to undergo 7 hours
of psychological counseling.

Man, it is busy back there, Sam.

So, Carla, you seeing
old number 33 again tonight?

No, Cliff. Eddie's got a game tonight.

Yeah. After a couple
of nights with you,

he's looking for something
a little less strenuous to do, huh?

Listen,
you couch potatoes,

don't get the wrong idea.

There's nothing
serious between us.

We're just friends.

Well, you say that, Carla,

but why am I picking up
the subtle fragrance of la belle amour?

You know, I like
Eddie well enough.

What can I say?

It's kind of a kick dating a star.

I mean, I've never been
out before with a guy

who has a driver
come and pick him up

and take him
anywhere he wants to go.

He's got a limousine?

No. he has me.

He pays for everything,

movies, parking, refreshments...

Do you know how much
a tub of popcorn

ls going for these days?

It's 3.70 at the Alto.

Yeah.

That Eddie takes care of me
real good.

But you're not falling for him, right?

Oh, look. Who are we
fooling here, Sam?

I mean, you know my luck with men.

You can't swing a dead cat

without hitting some bum
who once dumped on me.

And Eddie LeBec is a star.

You know, once he's
been here a while,

he'll know a lot more people,
and it's bye-bye, Carla.

No way some guy
like that ends up with me.

Listen, will you
stop cutting yourself short.

You offer a lot
of things to a guy.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Six kids,

mortgage up to my ears,
stack of bills, dead-end job,

and fallen arches.

You know, if I weren't
already engaged...

Hi, Sam.

Hello.

Sorry I'm late.

The first day of the trial
went a little longer than I expected.

Well, that's all right.
just grab an apron.

We got the Bruins
playing tonight.

Eddie LeBec fan club
is holding fort,

led by president Carla Tortelli.

Right. Luck of the draw,
I think I have gotten

the most challenging
and interesting case of the year.

Oh, that's great.
Listen, do me a favor, will you?

Go upstairs and get me
some change, please.

Fine. Of course I can't discuss
the details of the trial,

but, oh, only if I could.

Quarters, mostly quarters.

I can tell you that

I've been chosen
foreman of the jury.

That's great. Yeah, listen,
you do good with this change thing,

and I'll make you
captain of the bar.

Well...

it's just as well that I'm leaving.

I wouldn't want to slip
and divulge too much information.

Particularly in this case.

Attempted murder.

This is the last place
I'd talk about it.

Once I let something out,

you'd all be prodding me
endlessly for details.

Sammy, Diane
coming in today?

Yeah.

- Hey, folks. Hey, Sam.
- Hey!

Hey, Carla!

Woody, get that man
a club soda, no ice,

two slices of lime,
and a red straw.

Is that really what you want?

Yes, sir.

How did you know that,
Sam?

He ordered it yesterday.

Oh. Well, then, I'd better hurry.

You know, I used to have
this little ritual

when I was pitching
for the Red Sox.

Before every game,
I'd go out to our third base coach

Ernie Pantuso.

He'd rub my tummy,

and I'd rub his head.

Next thing we knew,

the whole stadium was
looking at two grown men

standing in the middle of the field
rubbing each other.

After that, we did it
in the locker room.

Pretty soon after that,
we just stopped altogether.

Anyway, all I know is
I've never played better than this in my life.

The puck's looking
as big as a frisbee.

My reactions
are quicker than ever.

I've never been happier.

I'm not gonna do anything
to break my routine,

except to add one thing.

I'm dedicating
tonight's game to you.

Night, Eddie.

Good night.

Hey, Eddie,

your wallet fell
out of your coat.

Stop kidding around.

Okay. I'll see you.

He's always kidding around.

Boston Bruins on the attack.
They bring it onto center ice.

The puck is tipped away.

The Bruins
get it back again.

Of course, I can't really talk about
the trial.

No, no. I had
the vodka gimlet.

Oh, right. I'm sorry.

I could, I suppose,

give you a hypothetical case.

Just to give you an idea.

Not that it would be the same,
but similar.

Now, we have a defendant

who's accused of attempted murder
of his wife.

We'll call him "scum."

And a wife.
Let's call her "victim."

I really shouldn't
be telling you this.

It's just that I can't help it.

I'm compelled to share it with someone.

But no, I'm not going
to say another word.

I'm going to zip my mouth.

Can I get you anything else?

No, zipping your mouth
will be fine.

- Go!
- Go!

How much time we got left?

Minute and a half.

Come on, Eddie!

Is this guy the greatest?

I mean, three periods
and overtime,

and the flyers have only put
one in against him.

Man, can he ever hold them.

You think he can hold them?
I've had 4 beers this period alone.

I have not left this bar stool.

- Give me an "A'!
- "A"!

- Give me a 'B"!
- "B"!

- Give me a "C"!
- "C"!

- Give me a "D"!
- "D"!

Wait a minute, Woody.
What are you doing?

The alphabet.
We're warming up here.

Give me an...

What exactly is the definition
of attempted murder?

Does the accused
actually have to go through

with the crime and fail,

or is it our duty to look
into his craven heart

and determine his intent?

I mean, how often does someone

just happen to lose control
of a power saw?

Come on, Eddie! I'm here!
I'm with you!

Carla, he picked a heck of a game
to dedicate to you, huh?

You're telling me.

Sammy,
would you look at me!

I'm on top of the world!

I'm Eddie LeBec's chick!

I mean, I am dating
the hottest goalie in the league,

and everybody knows me.

For once in my life, I really feel
like I'm somebody.

No! The flyers stole it!

Stop! Don't worry, boys.

It's time for the old
Tortelli lucky charm.

Eddie, for you.

Battle for the puck along the boards.
Time running out.

Doesn't look like they'll get a shot off.
Five seconds, Four seconds.

Croft plays it off the boards.

He shoots, he scores!

The winning goal for Philadelphia.

The game is over on a shot

LeBec should have blocked
in his sleep!

Great.

Eddie blew it.

Just my luck.

You know, if it was me
in that fairy tale,

and I kissed the frog,

he'd end up
turning into a lizard.

One who couldn't
go to his left.

Come on, come on. Hey.

Lighten up on him.

He just had an off night, that's all.

I mean, that guy is gonna take us
all the way to The Stanley Cup.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

You're right. What am I saying?

He'll bounce back tomorrow.

He'll be fine.

You betcha, Carla.

Inside of a week, that mu yak will be
ice fishing in Nova Scotia.