All language subtitles for Cheers.S05E02.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Sam, two nights ago
on the boat,

you demonstrated
in no uncertain terms

that you and I are inevitable.

You said those words
I had hoped to hear for so long,

"Will you marry me?"

Before thinking, I responded, "No. '

But then I realized all I needed

was some time alone
to clear my mind.

Now I have returned to you
with a resounding "Yes!"

It's fate, Sam.

I don't like it any more
than you do,

but I've decided to accept it.

Therefore, I'm going to work here

so that when you finally accept it,

as we both know you will,

we can move forward
to build and nurture our relationship.

Excuse me.
I have customers to wait on.

No, you, listen.
I don't want you here.

I don't want you in the building.

I don't want you on this planet!

- He's crazy about me.
- No, I'm not crazy about her.

I tell you, you make me sick
to my stomach.

- That's how I am about her.
- We have kind of a little thing going.

Now, what would you like?

I'm sorry. This isn't my table.

Miss Chambers?

You know I'm your friend,
and friends should stick together, so...

- I'm really happy you're back.
- Oh, Woody, thanks.

Well, kind of happy
because Sam's my friend, too.

So I can't be too happy,
or else he'll can me,

which would make me really sad.

And I know you, as my friend,
wouldn't be happy about that.

So whatever you do,
don't tell Sam what I just told you.

What did you just tell me?

Perfect.

Sam, what do you think of Vivaldi
at the ceremony?

You can invite anybody you want.
I don't care. I'm not gonna be...

As a matter of fact,
nobody's gonna be there

because there's
not gonna be a wedding.

But if you want
to work here, that's fine.

You've got my blessings.

I'm glad you've come around
to see the wisdom of it.

There's wisdom in it.
There's tons of wisdom.

Let me tell you why.

I want you to have
a front-row seat here

for all the luscious babes
I'm gonna have marching

through here every night.

As a matter of fact,
from now on, it's casaba city,

and you're looking
at the mayor.

You'll pardon me if I don't
refer to you as "your honor"?

I'm going down to the Cape
this weekend for a little R&R.

That's Rhonda and room service.

I love the Cape. We spent
so many happy hours there

sightseeing, talking.

Rhonda and I aren't gonna have
any time for sightseeing.

We're gonna be just coming up
for air long enough to order

some of that fish head soup.

Bouillabaisse.

No, I mean it.

Fine. I couldn't care less.

I'll just continue on

securing the knowledge
that you love me.

I did not say "I love you."

You proposed to me.

Love and marriage go together.

Why else would you propose
to someone?

Nevertheless, do what you will.

But keep in mind
that you might try to sabotage

this tryst of yours
because deep in your heart,

you know it's not right, we are.

Oh, yeah, I see
what you're doing.

You're trying to plant
a little seed in my brain.

Oh, don't be silly.

I know of nothing that
grows in solid rock.

Yeah.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Diane. Welcome back.

Carla, you don't seem surprised
that I'm working here.

I knew you'd return.

Your kind always does...

Like roaches
after atomic testing.

Well, I must say I'm relieved
to see you act this way.

I was expecting
something a little more violent.

No.

I'm glad you're back.

You see, I got this theory.

If you and Sam hang around
each other long enough,

one of you is gonna kill the other.

Now, if Sam kills you, fine.

If you kill Sam, I'll turn you in,

get a reward,
and you'll get the chair.

Either way,
I come up a winner!

I think we're becoming friends.

Let's have a slumber party sometime.

Hey! There's a kitty cat in here!

A guy gave him to me
on the way in this morning.

You know,
my kids have been giving me

a lot of crap
about not having any pets,

so I figure Max here
ought to shut them up for a while.

What do you call the little one?

What little one?

All that wheat's
making you hallucinate.

Oh, great! She's having babies!

There's another one!
You're a farm boy.

What are you supposed to do
to stop this?

Well, it's too late
to go to the drugstore.

I swear, I swear this cat

was not pregnant when I got it!

The minute it becomes a Tortelli,

it starts dropping them like...

Oh, yeah. There you are.

Well, I'm off for my weekend, Diane.

Oh, by the way, did I tell you
that Rhonda was double-jointed?

Hey, Sam? It's for you.

Yeah, hello?

Oh, hey, Rhonda.
I was just talking about you.

Oh, no, don't do this to me, ple...

Well...

Can't you be born again on Monday?

All right. Well, you, too.

Do you believe that?
She canceled on me.

Women.

Reminds me of what
my uncle Henry used to say.

Oh, yeah?
What was that, Woody?

"Women."

Hey, Sammy, don't let Diane hear
about Rhonda.

She'll load that info
into her shotgun and take aim.

Yeah, no one is gonna ruin
Sam Malone's weekend,

no matter what Diane says.

Yeah, hello, Vicki?

Yeah, it's Sam Malone.

Yeah, yeah. Listen,

how does the idea
of 48 hours of sun and surf

up at the Cape grab you?

Oh, yeah? Well, if that grabs you,

how does the idea of me
grabbing you grab you?

Yeah, all right.

All right. Yeah, me, too.

Okay, I'll see you
in about two hours, then, Vicki.

All right. Bye-bye.

Yeah, yeah!

I thought her name was Rhonda.

Well, Rhonda canceled,
but that's good.

That's good because I like Vicki
better than Rhonda.

As a matter of fact,
I kind of hope that Vicki cancels

because I have someone even better
waiting in the wings.

I know, me.

No, no, not you!

You know, Vicki,
I just want you to know that

this is gonna be
the most beautiful,

terrific, special weekend
of my entire life.

Listen, you don't need
to keep selling me

on this weekend. I'm sold.

- All right.
- I'm famished.

- I wish they'd take our order.
- They'll be here, don't worry.

Nothing is gonna ruin
this weekend, I'll tell you that.

Perfect.

Have you decided?

What'll you have?

- What's the catch of the day?
- You mean besides me?

This is great, isn't it?
Isn't this great?

We're having fun.

I'll take the scallops.

Yeah, two of those.
That'll be good, yeah.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah. Are you kidding me?
That was fun for me.

Wasn't it fun for you?

Very spontaneous, refreshing?

I'll move you to another table.

Don't you dare. This is perfect.

Thank you.

Someone tried to convince me
that this weekend

was gonna be a total disaster.

- Really? Who?
- That person right there!

Sam!

What a surprise!

Hello.

- Hello. I'm Vicki.
- I'm...

Leaving, immediately.

Diane. Are you enjoying
your weekend?

Of course she's enjoying
her weekend.

It's a fantastic weekend.

Did you notice
your table's all wet?

That's because
we want it that way.

As a matter of fact,
we ordered it wet.

Hey, I think
it's drying out a little bit.

Don't you?
There you go. That's better.

Excuse me, miss?

There's a telephone call
for you at the desk.

Thank you.

I'll be right back.

I'll miss you.

What the hell
are you doing here?

You know, all your talk
of a lovely weekend at the Cape

made me realize how much
I needed to get away myself.

It's just the most
incredible coincidence

that we ended up
in the same place!

Yeah. I know
what you're trying to do.

You're trying to rattle me,
but the joke's on you

because I'm better
under pressure. I don't rattle.

Only when you shake you head.

- Have fun.
- Okay.

You know, you just guaranteed

this is gonna be
the most perfect weekend ever.

Oh, good. Yeah, you're back.
Yeah, that's perfect.

No, why don't you sit down
over there at the end.

This might be wet here.

Sam, I'm afraid I'll have to leave.

Oh, God, no.
Don't say that, please.

I'm sorry.

Look, that was my sister
on the phone.

Our grandmother's ill.
I have to fly to Idaho.

Why? You're not a doctor.
oh, come... Please.

- Please don't...
- Sam, I'm sorry this happened,

but you're going
to have to drive me back.

No, no.

I have to stay here.

I'll call you a cab.

Well, as long as you don't go out
of your way.

What, again, Vicki?

Boy, even rabbits take a break to eat.

When you're finished there,

go upstairs and help the lady
in Mr. Malone's room

with her bags.

She's checking out...

Her grandmother's ill.

I'd heard she was dead.

It's nice to know she's just sick.

Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel.

A vowel?

There are only two spaces left.

She wants to buy a vowel?

Where do they get these people?

Who is it?

Room service.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, good.
Thank you.

Put it right over there.

I bet you're wondering
why I ordered two of everything

when there's only me up here.

No, not really.

Actually, it's because
I want to give the impression

that there are two people
in the room.

Well, you fooled me.

Good.

- Where are my hot fudge sundaes?
- I couldn't fit them on the tray.

- I'll be right back up with them.
- Great.

Make sure you parade them
around the lobby a couple times

before you bring them
on up, will you?

Sure.

Hello?

Hi, Sam.
How's it going up there?

Fine.

Don't do that, Vicki!
I'm ticklish!

Sam, I feel an apology
is in order.

I may have made your friend Vicki
a bit uncomfortable earlier.

Well, she's plenty comfortable right now,
so I'll pass on her message.

- Bye-bye, Diane.
- No, Sam!

I wouldn't feel right

unless I expressed
my feelings personally.

Let me speak with her, please.

She...

She's in the bathroom right now.

She's tickling you
from the bathroom?

Well, she just went in there.

She always runs into the bathroom
after she tickles me.

Perhaps it's nausea.

Sam, I really want to apologize
to her face to face.

I'll be right up.

No! Don't!

Oh, good!
Do me a favor, will you?

- I'll pay you $50.
- I beg your pardon?

Let's go, Harvey.

No, please.
No funny stuff at all.

Come on. You'll be saving
my life here. Come on in.

Hold it, now!
Just a minute here!

I promise you, no weird stuff.

I just want your wife
to go into the bathroom

and make some noises.

What kind of noises?

I don't know.
Woman kind of stuff,

like you're getting all dolled up
for some hot action.

What does that sound like?

I don't know.
Whatever you and Harvey do.

Never mind. Just...

There you go. $50.

- Hi, Sam.
- Hey.

Where's Vicki?

She's still in the bathroom.

Well, I'll just wait.

No, you know,

this could take
a little while here.

Why don't you,

why don't you just yell your apology
through the door here?

Oh, that's silly.
I'll be here all weekend.

I can certainly wait.

She sure is busy.

Is that enough,
or should we snap some towels?

See, he's the bathroom inspector.
It's a new thing.

Sam, let's call an end
to this nonsense right now.

I don't care how rough
you were on her,

that is not Vicki.

You see, I know Vicki left.

I've known all along.

And you let me go
through this whole stupid act?

Well, I wanted to see
how far you'd go...

Ordering two sets of meals,

leaving empty bottles of vitamin E
outside your door.

Yeah, well, what about you?

You know, coming all the way
up here to spy on me?

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Yeah?

What's the use?

We both look like imbeciles.

All we do is find new ways
to humiliate each other.

I humiliate you by saying "no"

to your sweet proposal.

You humiliate me
by rejecting my retraction.

You carry off
this ridiculous charade.

I spy on you in hotel rooms.

It's become sick and degrading,
and quite frankly,

I'm embarrassed
to be a part of it, Sam!

Yeah, well, I'm not too thrilled
you're part of it, either.

Here you go, pal.

Oh, yeah.

I guess this all looks
pretty weird, doesn't it?

Oh, nothing I haven't seen before.

I believe you owe us $50.

Now, there's a new one!

Boy, Carla, you know,
I never thought you'd be able

to unload all those kittens
in one night.

Yeah, it was just a simple matter
of marketing technique, you know?

Giving away a beer with each kitten
really did the trick.

Come on. Let's go.

Time for your first cab ride.

You know, you guys are
really gonna love Vera.

She has legs
just like a scratching post.

- Oh, good evening.
- Evening.

Oh. It's you?

Small world.

I thought I was eating late enough
to avoid seeing you.

Me, too...

The only reason
why I waited so long to eat.

Oh, I thought perhaps
it was because you've been eating for two.

I'm kind of glad you're here.

I've been sitting here
driving myself crazy.

When we used to come here,

wasn't there a lobster trap
out in the lobby?

Oh, yeah.

I guess the lobsters finally wised up

and started coming
through the kitchen.

By the way, I suppose
I owe you an apology

for being here this weekend.

In retrospect, I guess...

It was probably a mistake.

"Probably"?

I'd say "definitely,"

if you were to admit
that it was a mistake

to flaunt your date
in front of me.

Apology accepted.

Boy, the one thing
I really hate is to eat alone.

I always feel
like someone's looking at me.

I'm the only one here.

Well, you're looking at me.

Then you can either join me,
or I can eat with my eyes closed.

I'd hate to have you butter your knuckles.

Good.

Sam, you know
what I remember most

about being here before?

Oh, sure, sure.

I think the salt air
gives me extra stamina.

Actually, I was thinking
of the clams oregano.

But now that you mention it,
I did enjoy the...

...salt air.

Sam, what I said before
about our relationship,

I'm...

I'm sorry I said it.
I was upset.

It may not be ideal, but...

...it hasn't been
without its moments.

Speaking of moments,
this is beginning to feel like one here.

Yes, I think
I've decided what I want,

and it's not on the menu.

You want to skip the main course

and jump right
into the Sammy souffle?

I see you haven't lost
your way with word.

Let's go.

Yes, this is the perfect moment,

but it is with the understanding,
isn't it, of...

...what this step
we're about to take means?

Oh, yeah. No problem.

If they give us any trouble,
I'll just pay for both rooms.

What it means between us.

Now, wait, listen...

No, it has to mean something, Sam.

I'm only gonna agree
to do this if we agree

that it doesn't mean anything.

How can our lovemaking
not mean something?

Well, it's easy, just concentrate.

I don't want to get caught up
in a war of words with you.

What I'm feeling right now
is very special,

and I think we should go upstairs
and be with each other

and figure out
what it means afterwards.

Let's go.

- No.
- What?

I got to be clear
what I'm doing here. I mean,

my gut's telling me one thing,

but my head's telling me
something quite different.

I don't believe
what I'm hearing.

Gotcha!

You were joking?

Yeah. How's it feel?

I mean, how do you like it
when you get your motor all revved up,

and then someone jerks the rug out
from under you?

Well, mixed metaphors aside,

- I don't like it a bit...
- Yeah.

But your point is well taken
and I deserved that.

Well, great.

All right. Come on, let's go.

No.

What do you mean, no?

Oh, all right. I see
what you're doing.

That's good.
That's very funny.

All right. Come on.

No. The only place
I'm going is home.

It was very funny. I laughed.
The joke's over here.

Sam, this is the wrong time
for physical dalliance.

It's too soon.

If we rush
into a physical encounter now,

we might ruin the much more important
nuptial consummation coming up.

Smell the old salt air?

Sam, please.
This is nothing to worry about.

We're on the right course.
When we're married,

you'll be happy we waited. Really,

this is nothing
to be upset about. Bye-bye.

Fine! Fine.

I mean, it's perfect!

You said someone was gonna ruin
this weekend,

but now I'm really
gonna have some fun here!

Shoot.

- Did we lose another one?
- Yeah.