All language subtitles for Cheers.S04E26.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

You're sending another recorded
message home to the folks, Wood?

Oh, yeah. It's a lot cheaper
than a phone call.

Hi, folks. This is your son, Woody...

...Boyd.

But enough about me. You know,

things have been getting
really crazy around Cheers lately.

Remember I told you that
Sam was going out

with this real pretty politician lady
named Janet Eldridge?

Well, things are still going
hot and heavy.

Oh, Miss Chambers quit.

Yeah, I think this stuff between Sam
and Miss Eldridge finally got to her.

Anyway, she says she's never
coming back in here again.

Gee, I'm gonna miss her.

Well, that's it. Bye.

Let's hear how it sounds.

We shall fight on the seas
and the oceans.

We shall fight in growing confidence
and growing strength in the air.

You know, I guess it's true.

You listen to the sound of your own
voice, it always sounds different.

Afternoon, everybody.

Norm!

How you feeling today,
Mr. Peterson?

- Poor.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

No, I meant, pour.

- Trouble in paradise, Norm?
- No, at home, Cliff ie.

I just put Vera on the train
to Springfield.

I have to spend the next few days
at home alone

with her oversexed,
exhibitionist sister, Donna.

You know,

maybe she's an innocent kid,
and you misinterpret her friendliness.

Maybe you're right.

You tell me, is it normal for a girl
to get dressed on the front lawn?

Hey, hey.
Didn't you see the sign outside?

We reserve the right to refuse service
to skinny ex-waitresses

with bad dye jobs.

Oh, Carla, couldn't we make
an exception just this once?

Thanks, Woody.

But I'm not here for the potables.

I'm here to see Sam.

He should be down in a few minutes.

He's upstairs at Melville's
with Miss Eldridge.

She's telling him what to say
and what not to say

at the press conference today.

Oh, there's a press conference?

Yeah, and it's gonna be right here
in the bar.

Oh, that's quite unorthodox.

No, I think it's open to all faiths.

I'll have a seltzer, please.

Hey, whitey.

About that dye job crack...

...I'm sorry.

You're sorry?

I don't think I've ever heard
you say that before. Thanks, Woody.

Yeah, I know.

But...

...I figure it's about time.

I mean, now that you're
Boston's number-one loser,

I'm feeling kind of different
about you.

I'm flattered.

In fact...

...I wanna apologize for all
the crummy things

I've said to you over the years.

Why, thank you, Carla.

Except for that one
about your lizard lips.

- I like that one.
- Exception noted.

And...

...you know, the one about you having
a personality you could store meat in.

I'd like to keep that one alive too.

This is so like you.

Covering up what are obviously
some very fine, warm feelings.

But I happen to know what you're
really saying is you like me.

You're touching me.

- It's called communication.
- No, it's called a death wish.

Hey, Diane, I understand
you're hitting the bricks

in Unemployment City
there along with Normie.

Oh, actually,
I've found other employment.

Oh, yeah? See that, Norm?
What's the job that you landed there?

Well...

...it's only temporary until I hear
about this other job.

In fact, it's so temporary I don't even
bother to take my coat off

when I'm there, if you get my point.

I'm a checkout clerk
at Hurley's Market.

What?

A checkout clerk at Hurley's Market.
Are you deaf?

Hey, Diane, that's where I shop.

Next time I come in, I'll say hi.

If you don't, I'll be angry.

Well, excuse me, I have to make a call
about that other job.

I'm sure Sam won't mind me
using his office.

Cheers.

Oh, just a minute, please.

It's for you, Mr. Peterson.

Hello.

- Oh, hi, Donna.
- Hey. Donna.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.
Usual time, I guess.

Fine, yeah. No, it sounds great.

Okay.

- What did she want, Norm?
- "What did she want, Norm?"

What she wanted was, she wanted
me to come home early.

She's making a turkey dinner, all right?

And then she paused
and said there'd be no dressing.

Do you...

...suppose she meant the bird or us?

Either way, there's gonna be
some plump, succulent thighs

at that table tonight.

- Hi, Miss Chambers.
- Hi, Woody.

- I thought you left.
- No, no, I'm waiting for Sam.

I have a call to make.

Well, he's up in the restaurant.
I can go get him if you want.

I mean, he's probably just eating
or something.

No, that's okay. Thank you.

I have calls to make.

Actually, Woody, I'm not really
in here to make phone calls.

I came back to apologize to Sam. I...

...loathe to admit that I...

...eavesdropped on a conversation
he had with Janet the other day,

and that's inexcusable.

My conscience was bothering me,
so I came back to confess.

Thus allowing me to close
this chapter in my life.

Okey-dokey.

Woody? Woody?

May I ask you a question?

Sure, if you're not fussy
about the answer.

Has Sam ever talked to you about
his feelings toward Miss Eldridge?

Well...

...I heard him say
that he kind of likes her.

But in my opinion, you and Sam
make a much better couple.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You're my two favorite people
in the whole world.

Oh, Woody.

Thank you.

Except for my parents.

- I know.
- And my teachers at school.

Oh, no, wait a minute.

You know, I can put you
ahead of my 8th grade teacher,

Mr. Thorndike.

He always had chalk on his suit
and he smelled kind of funny.

But, you know, I don't wanna hurt
Mr. Thorndike's feelings,

so let's just forget this conversation.

I was planning to, Woody.

- Hey, Sam.
- Hey, Woody.

Sam, could we go into your office?

I need to talk to you
about a personal matter.

Sam, this is serious.

So is this.

We have this press conference
today, and I just want you to know

that it's becoming increasingly difficult
for me to answer questions

- about what our future plans are.
- Why?

Because I don't know
what our future plans are.

Wait, wait, what are you saying?

Well, this may sound
a little old-fashioned,

but I guess I'm asking
what your intentions are toward me.

Intentions?

Well, I mean,

haven't you ever thought
about you and me tying the knot?

Oh, you told me you didn't go in
for that kinky stuff.

Okay. All right, all right.

Well, do you...?

You see, you see...

You and I really have never even
talked about, you know--

- The word is marriage, Sam.
- Yeah.

It won't bite you.

Reporters are bound to ask about us
at the press conference today

and I don't know what we're
gonna tell them. Do you?

Well...

...gee, I-- I don't--

- I don't know that--
- Oh, take it easy, Sam.

- What?
- I'm not trying to trap you.

Oh, are you kidding?
I don't feel trapped.

Excuse me. Let me, let me just...

I'm not putting any pressure
on you, darling.

I know a man like you hates
that kind of thing from a woman.

It's just in my profession,
I have to take things more seriously

because I'm in the public eye.

It'd be different if I worked
in a supermarket or something.

All I'm saying is that it's something
we have to think about.

We can't go on indefinitely
like we have been.

Not that I have any complaints
about what we have been.

Okay, I'll give it some thought.
I will. I promise.

Good. I'll see you later.

Okay.

- Sam?
- Yeah, what?

I just wanted to remind you again.

When are you gonna replace
Miss Chambers?

- You haven't put an ad in the paper.
- I'll get to it, Woody.

Well, you keep saying that.

- Would you stop bugging me, please?
- Okay, Sam. Sorry.

By the way...

...where is Miss Chambers?

Hey, how should I know
where she is, Wood?

Give me a break, will you?

She came in here to wait.

- She what?
- Yeah.

Wait on...

...tables here at Cheers,
and you fired her and...

...and you know the rest.

Thank you for the recap, Woody.

Miss Chambers?

I covered for your eavesdropping
this time, but you know,

I think you have a real problem.

I think you ought to get some help.

I will, Woody. I promise.

Do me one favor, will you?

Please, just tell me when Sam steps
into the men's room.

Oh, God, it's worse than I imagined.

I can't believe this.

Cameras, reporters,
government officials.

And to think,
only a few short months ago,

I was back in Indiana

pumping suds for a bunch of bozos.

Hey, goober, how about pouring us
another round?

Coming right up.

Hey, Woody, give us
a couple of beers, will you?

- Hey, where you guys been?
- Normie took me to meet Donna,

the alleged Lolita.

Yeah, maybe she's not quite as bad
as I made her out to be.

Are you kidding?
She's the sweetest, most innocent

freckle-faced youngster
I ever wanted to meet.

And for you to imply she was
unwholesome and behaved

in a salacious manner towards
you is unbelievable.

Well, maybe my imagination's
a little over active, I guess.

Especially if you think that
that young lady is coming on to you.

She's coming on to me
like gangbusters.

Cliff ie, you know, you're really kind of
a handy guy to have around.

Just when I think I've gone
completely off the deep end,

I look over at you, and there you are
diving off the cliffs at Acapulco.

Yeah, but looking mucho primo
in my bikini briefs, eh?

Excuse me.

Well, if it isn't Rebecca
of Skinnybrook Farm.

Shouldn't you be out
collecting shopping carts?

Well, I was in the neighborhood,
and I thought I'd drop by and unwind.

Sure. It just happens to be

five minutes before Sam and Janet's
press conference.

Oh, is that today?

Mercy. Well, I'm a concerned citizen.

Perhaps I'll just stick around
and see what happens.

Okay, I think we're ready now.

- Well, Sam, we're on.
- Wait a-- Wait a minute.

I don't know about this tie.

Come on. When have you ever
not looked fabulous?

Oh, yeah, right. Right.

Shows you how nervous I am, huh?

- You'll be just fine.
- Yeah. Thanks.

Good day, ladies and gentlemen.

We hold so many of our press
conferences in my stuffy old office,

I thought it would be nice to show
you reporters

what the inside of a bar looks like.

There won't be
any opening statement today.

I'll just take your questions.

Councilor Eldridge, what's your priority
in your next two years of office?

You must be new in town.

Mass transit.
I'm going to see to it

that Boston has the finest system
in this country

or die trying.

Councilor, in view of your re-election
to city council,

I'd like to pose a question

that I'm sure
is on everybody's mind here today.

How do you think the Red Sox
are gonna do this season?

Why don't I turn this over

to my special consultant
on this issue, Mayday Malone.

Whether the Red Sox
do well or not is not the point.

I think they're gonna bring a lot
of money into this city,

and that can do nothing but help
the tax base of our fair city.

In layman's terms, the Sox are gonna
clean up this year.

- I have a question.
- What? What are you--?

Excuse me.
What paper do you represent?

Hurley's Market Shopper's Guide.

I'm afraid this is for
newspaper reporters only.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought this was America.

No, no, Phil, it's okay.

- Hello again, Miss Chambers.
- Hello, and thank you.

Councilor, on the less political side,

there seems to be a lot of interest
in the two of you.

Mr. Malone, would you care to
comment on your plans for the future?

Yeah, I thought we'd grab a pizza,
then try to catch a movie

on the tube later on.

How delightful.
But let me be a little more specific.

The hottest topic in town is whether
or not there are wedding bells

in Sam and Janet's future.

Can you confirm or deny
these rumors? Give us a scoop.

I'm sure there are more important
issues to be discussed

in this forum than that,
Miss Chambers.

What do you have to say
about this marriage business, Sam?

Oh, well, gee, I-- I don't know if--

Gentlemen, I really don't think
this is the time or the place--

No, wait, wait.
Actually, I'll-- I will handle this.

Sweetheart.

Yeah, fellas, I think we're jumping
the gun a little bit here.

I mean, we've only known each other
about four months, so--

Really? By my calculations,
it's only six weeks.

Whatever.

- Perhaps it just seems longer.
- Next question, please.

Councilor, do you agree
with Mr. Malone that the relationship

seems to be dragging on?

Yeah, I-- I know what
you're trying to do here, Diane.

How dumb do you think I am?

I believe we're supposed to ask
the questions.

Janet, how dumb
do you think Sam is?

Could we please confine our questions
to matters of public interest, please?

Councilor, how do you plan to alleviate
the overnight parking problem?

The overnight parking problem,

unfortunately, cannot be solved overnight.

I have, however, persuaded the city
council to hasten the formation

of a fact-finding committee
for the purpose

of looking into selecting sites.

Of course, there are problems
to contend with,

such as environmental-impact studies
and reports. Stop it!

All right, that's it!

You see that?
She just squirted me!

- She has a little yellow squirt--
- Sam, will you stop this?

Yeah, all right. I'll stop it.
I'm all right, okay.

Yeah, I'm gonna escort this woman
out of my bar forever.

Very well.

I'll leave.

And I never want to see
your fat, ugly face again.

- You're about to see my fat, ugly fist.
- I'm shaking in my boots.

- My tie.
- Going up.

I believe the gentleman
from The Globe had a question.

Well, I certainly have to hand it
to you, Sammy.

You throw one helluva
press conference.

I haven't seen
such an ugly scene

since my kids' school picture.

Well, I just got off the phone
with the last newspaper.

I'm not sure how much damage
was done.

What'd you say?

I told them you took some
sinus medication

and had an allergic reaction.

- They buy it?
- Not unless there's something else

you can put in a crock.

Oh, come on. I know it was a bit
unpleasant earlier tonight,

but, I mean, when you look back on it,
you can't help but laugh.

Unless you try really hard.

Oh, come on.
Now, there's a grin in there.

Come on.
Now, that'll turn into a smile.

All right, there you go.
Come on, I'm sorry.

How the hell did I ever
get into this mess?

I'm crazy about a guy who's
the worst thing in the world for me.

We can't go on like this, Sam.

You have no regard for my career.

And what's worse,
you have no regard for me.

You lied to me when you said
you had no feelings for Diane.

- You obviously have very strong feelings.
- No, no, come on, please. That--

No, Sam, face it.

You're trying to leave
every option open,

and you just can't do that.

You have to make some choices
and some commitments.

It's called growing up.

Boy, looks like Sammy
got his walking papers.

I know how he feels.

I think we've all been there before.

Well, it's never happened to me, so I
guess I'll just have to imagine it, huh?

Cliff ie, I think you actually
have to go with someone

before you can get dumped.

Good night. Good night.

See you guys later. Drive carefully.

Why don't we do this tomorrow, huh?
Let's go home.

No argument here. I'm beat.

Boy, Sam,

you had a rough day today.
You lost two great gals in one day.

Two?

Well, yeah, you know, I always thought

that someday Miss Chambers
would be Mrs. Malone.

That's crazy, huh?

Well, Woody, there are more
where they came from.

You know, I'm glad you said that

because there's this girl in my building
I wish you could meet.

She's really cute.
She's got a great personality.

She's really fun to be with,
and she has got a gorgeous figure.

And if I were a young single guy
in this town...

See you tomorrow, Sam.

You okay?

I don't know, Carla.

I think I screwed up my life here.

I mean, look at me. I'm pushing 40,
and what have I got to show for it?

Maybe it's time I settle down, huh?

Maybe the time's right
for Mayday to get married.

The answer is yes.

You didn't ask a question, did you?

Listen, Sam, when the right dame
comes along, you'll know it.

Well, that's what I'm afraid of.
I think she did, and I let her go.

No. She didn't come along yet.
Casabas are your destiny, Sam.

Hold out.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Hi, it's-- It's me.

Look...

...I've been thinking about you.

Oh, what the hell.
Will you marry me?