All language subtitles for Cheers.S04E17.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

Good evening, you lucky dogs
and doggettes.

Hey.

Hey, inside this airtight container is
a taste sensation second to none.

Get your taste buds ready.

Ma's homemade pretzels.

You know, they kind of look like
they were made in a home, Cliff.

Yeah, well, they're a little
misshapen, you know?

Ma's arthritis made her
hands stiffen up on her.

That explains the smell of
mentholatum then, huh?

Yeah, here you go, Sam.

Chow down.
They're completely organic.

So, what word would you folks
use to describe these babies?

- Filling.
- Okay. All right, they're filling.

No, no. I just lost one.

Yeah, well, you know, Norm, they're
pretzels. They're supposed to be hard.

Hey, look, I'm gonna go share a
few with the guys in the back.

A little bit of salt and mustard
on there and you really got something.

Yeah, a lawsuit.

I need some water.
I'm having trouble swallowing.

Why are you trying?

Well, I figure it's either that,
or I have to take it out and look at it.

Everybody, I'd like you to meet
my date, Dr. Lilith Sternin,

MD, PhD, EdD, APA.

Boy, it sure isn't spelled
like it sounds.

I'm so proud of Frasier.

He's making good on his vow
to start a new life.

Lilith and I met over drinks

after the chemical-dependency
seminar last week.

By the way, I noticed your drinking
went beyond sociability.

Woody, may I have two cognacs?

And what would you like?

Come on, it was just a meaningless joke.

There's no such thing as a meaningless joke.

- I'd forgotten.
- I'll have a white wine.

I'll have a beer.

A beer, Woody, and white wine
for the charming lady.

Charming?

Your flattery is
obligatory and specious.

Thank you.

So how do you like Cheers?

Well, it seems adequate
for its purpose.

But I have a feeling that you only
brought me to this place

to surround yourself with people
you know and I don't.

Well, yes.

But what's more, I thought that we
might have a drink or two,

thereby lowering our inhibitions a bit,

and enabling us
to go back to your place,

and have a physical encounter
of some sort.

Well, we won't.

I appreciate your candor.

No, you don't.

You're right. I feel like striking you.

Your attempt at machismo
is totally inadequate.

You can't even make eye contact.

I could look at you if I wanted to.

But frankly, I've grown tired of
counting the comb marks in your hair.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to go and use
the little boys' room.

Why does a grown man
feel the need to euphemize?

Well, he did drink that beer
awfully fast.

That's the hospital. I'm on call.

With any luck, it will be one
of my manic-depressives

and the evening will take an upturn.

Well, you gotta love her, don't you?

Excuse me, miss?

Would you please inform Dr. Crane
that I had to leave on an emergency?

And kindly relay this message:

"I've had a very
uncomfortable evening,

and I don't think we should see
each other in the future,

except professionally."

What? No good-night kiss?

I kiss only as a prelude to passion.

Well, we've been warned.

Oh, dear.

It appears Frasier
has been rejected again.

That poor yutz.

Even the trash only gets dumped
once a week.

- Where's Lilith?
- Dr. Sternin was called away

on an emergency.

Well, that's all right.
Anyway, I didn't much care for Lilith.

Sam, do you mind if I just use
your office for a moment?

Sure, sure. How come?

I'm going to weep.

Poor Frasier.
I wish he could find someone

to help him ease his loneliness.

Sam, couldn't you give him
one of your hand-me-downs?

I already did.

No, I was thinking of someone
who would be, like, fun.

Well, now that you mention it,
I guess I could prescribe

- a little Candi Pearson for Dr. Crane.
- Candi. I like Candi.

I sincerely doubt that Frasier
would approve being set up

for a one-night stand
with one of your jiggling jugheads.

I am not talking
about sex necessarily.

I just think that Frasier should know
that women don't always mean misery.

I think Candi is just
what the doctor prescribed.

She's cute, she's fun and she's
never met a man she didn't like.

A lot.

- Hi, Sam.
- Hey, Candi.

Boy, is it good to see you.

You are beautiful as ever.

Sam, I'm getting a little low.
I'm also running out of beer.

Well, yeah.

Maybe I can help you out on both
counts here, Frasier.

I'd like you to meet Candi.

- Hi.
- Hi, yourself.

Anyone ever tell you
you've got a cute forehead?

Frankly, no, but I've been told
I have acute anxiety.

What's your name?

Dr. Frasier Crane.

I'm Candi.

Yes, so I see from your necklace.
Candi, with an "I".

Well, I used to spell it with a "Y,"
but nobody ever took me seriously.

So then I switched it to an "I."
You know, like Gandhi?

Yes, yes. I understand
that's why he did it.

Could I buy you a drink?

Oh, sure.

- Something with bubbles.
- Very well.

Sam,

champagne cocktails à deux.

It looks like you and Candi
are becoming friends.

Well, she seems like
a very pleasant sort.

Sam, she's not here
for you, is she?

No, no, no. It looks to me
like she's here for you, Frasier.

- Well, yes, it does.
- Well, you're lucky, doc.

You know, Sammy has never
bothered to set me up

with one of his bevy of babes.

Not that I need help.

No, just mercy.

Oh, I see. This is all a set-up.
Well, I've seen that movie before.

When all else fails, hire some
strumpet to date the town wretch.

Hey, this is not a set-up,
and she's not a strumpet.

She's just here because I thought
you might like each other.

No expectations, no frills.
You know, just kind of a casual thing.

- Well, thanks, Sam, but no thanks.
- Yeah, but...

I see your little attempt to corrupt
Frasier has failed miserably.

I'm sorry, miss, but I just
figured out what this is all about.

I'm not in the habit of fraternizing
with women of your type.

What type is that?

You know. Fun.

Good night.

I don't believe it.

Frasier just turned down Candi.

If it was me, I'd be making her
scrambled eggs by now.

I'm sure she'd prefer that to sex.

- Why do you open your mouth?
- I didn't know she was there, Norm.

You know, we need to put
a little bell on her.

I don't know what you think
this is all about,

but I just came here
because Sam said you were a nice guy

and you were down in the dumps.

And I thought maybe we could talk
a little bit and have a couple of laughs.

Well, fine. We've had that.

You've done your charity work
for the evening.

Charity work?

You really are a sad case.

How a guy with such a great forehead
could get so messed up.

Wait.

The least I can do is give you a ride
home. I'm going in your direction.

- Which direction?
- Out.

Thank you, Frasier.

You're sweet.

Say, you know, I just realized I'm
feeling kind of hungry.

- Would you like to get some food?
- Oh, food. My favorite.

Good Lord.

Frasier left with her?

Well, they have nothing in common.

What could he possibly have
to say to that woman?

"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Pretzels.

Fresh pretzels.

Get your fresh pretzels here.

Delivered to you piping hot
from Ma Clavin's kitchen.

Come on, Norm. You're his friend.

You promised you'd tell him to stop
bringing that stuff in here.

All right. I'll take care of it
while I still have some teeth left.

Hey, incidentally, Normie,
I don't mind telling you,

you know, how much Ma appreciates
the fact that you guys like her pretzels.

- Great, Cliff, listen--
- She's been down in the dumps

these past 40 years.

You know, when she heard how you
felt about these babies, well,

she just broke right down and cried.

Oh, boy, pretzels.

Anyone seen Frasier yet?

No, not since he left
last night with Candi.

Yeah, I wonder what they did,
you know?

I'm sure they just
went out and had dinner.

Yeah, I bet they
had some dinner, all right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A real good dinner in
a real fine restaurant, huh?

Actually, the best.

I wonder if the restaurant
was crowded.

I sincerely doubt that Frasier
took advantage of that young girl.

Come on, Diane. Frasier's a guy,
no different from the rest of us.

- Yeah.
- There's one difference.

He's scored since the invention
of the wheel.

It doesn't have to be a big bell
as long as we can hear it.

Trust me.

He might have taken pity
on that poor girl

and done something
to be nice to her.

Frasier is far too
sophisticated a man

to be swept away
by her transparent charms.

Greetings, one and all.

Say hello to Mrs. Frasier Crane.

You're married?

Well, no.
No, we're not married.

And we won't be for a long time.

An hour.

Yeah, we're gonna tie the knot
right here today

where we met just 16 hours ago.

- That is, if it's okay with you, Sam.
- Yeah.

Sixteen hours
isn't much time, Frasier.

Well, that depends on how
you spend those 16 hours.

Hey, Woody,
some champagne here.

I mean, this is quite an occasion.

I know I'm responsible for that,

but I didn't even see that coming.

The thought never even
crossed my mind.

Thoughts can't cross
your mind, Sam.

The bridge is out.

Okay, well, I would like to
propose a toast, then.

This is one that my father said
at my wedding,

and it's kind of always
stuck with me.

"Thank God I'm not paying for this."

Thank you. Thank you, all.

Spot.

Look at me.

I'm rumpled and loving it.

Sam, I'll never be able
to thank you enough

for introducing me
to this precious flower.

That goes double for me.

Candi is the perfect girl for me.

I got so tired of thinking
and dating at the same time.

But with Candi, I'm no longer
"Frasier Crane, pompous intellectual."

I'm "Fras, pompous madcap."

And I kind of like him.
Come on, darling.

We'll just stop off at my place
for a quick celebration,

and then we've got a ring to buy before
the justice of the peace arrives.

Oh, Fras?

Just a moment, dear.

What is it, Diane?

I hate what I'm about to say,
and I pray to God it's not true,

but I think you're doing this to draw
me out, to force me to make a stand.

Please, tell me if I'm wrong,
and I'll be forever silent.

- You're wrong.
- No, I'm not.

Yes, you are, Diane.

Okay. Fine.

He's lost his mind.

Well, Cliff ie, we got time for a wedding
on this evening's agenda?

Yeah, yeah, well, if we put back
the billiards game.

And we gotta miss the first ten minutes
of nighttime Wheel of Fortune.

I hate it when someone throws a
monkey wrench in the works.

No, don't worry, Norm.

Look, we'll just postpone the
darts game until after the vows.

Yeah? Aren't you forgetting
something, Mr Organizer?

Today's the day when People
magazine comes out.

- Yeah, so?
- So when are we supposed

to black out celebrities' teeth?
Tell me that.

You know, you're not so dumb.

Thank you, Carla.

Frasier's not my cup of tea, but as
husbands go, he could be all right.

He won't hurt you,

and I think he'll always be faithful.

And if he isn't, who cares?

That's kind of beautiful.

Yeah.

Dr. Crane?

I couldn't be happier for you.

- She is a beautiful girl.
- Thank you, Woody.

My dream is to someday fall in
love with a beautiful girl,

and for her to fall in love with me.

We get married and have three
wonderful children who grow up,

and move away from us,
and hardly ever write.

She and I would grow old
in an empty house together and die.

I forgot. I also want a boat.

It'll happen for you, Woody.
I know it.

Shall we begin?

May we all gather down at this end?

My dear?

You look lovely.

You too, Frasier.

But you know what we're missing?

Music.

Music. Of course.

- Say, anybody play the piano?
- I play a little.

Well, get up there, young man,
and regale us with your virtuosity.

Woody? Woody?

I don't think that's quite right
for a wedding.

- It's perfect, senseless. Madcap.
- Yeah.

Frasier would've hated it.
Fras thinks it's swell.

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here

to join this man and this woman
in matrimony.

Marriage is a sacred union
not to be entered into lightly.

If there is any person present
who knows a reason

why this couple should not be united,
speak now, or forever hold your peace.

I do.

Right phrase, wrong wedding.

I have to stop this and stop it now.

There's something I must say.

I've tried to avoid it.

I've tried to hold my peace,
but I can't.

It's urgent. Please.

Sam, help. Let's go, fast.

Listen up, everybody.

We'll be back in a minute here.

In the meantime, you'll be entertained

by the magic fingers
of Mr Woody Boyd.

Frasier, Candi, I apologize
for interrupting

what should be the most
important moment in a person's life.

But I'm compelled to do this by my
affection and respect for both of you.

Isn't it possible, that in the heat
of recent events,

you might be confusing
physical attraction for deeper,

more sublime emotions?

You know, in the
psychiatric profession,

we have a statement for
that little theory of yours:

Frasier.

You have to admit you and Candi
are as different as night and day.

You are as different as Sam and I.
Frasier, hear me out.

We were, as you are,
diametrically opposed personalities.

At first, our differences
were charming to us.

I found Sam's lack of refinement and
sophistication crudely provocative.

Yeah, and I liked the way
her hair smelled.

I'm sure, in addition,
you were excited

by the intellectual vistas
to which I exposed you?

No, I really think
it was that conditioner.

The point I'm trying to make
is that the only thing we had

- was a great physical relationship.
- Yeah, and we had a lot of that.

But when we'd go to concerts,
Sam would be bored stiff,

and I'd be excited, and we'd be
on totally different planes.

Yeah, but we caught the same flight
once we got home

and hit the old Posturepedic.

Don't you see what
you're doing here?

You feel guilty, at least
subconsciously,

for rejecting me,
and that's causing you to act out.

For once in your life, Frasier, put away
your flashcard psychoanalysis

- and face the truth.
- How dare you insult my professional acumen!

Here's what I think--

Candi, please, you were not put
on this earth to think.

Diane, you are without a doubt--
Oh, my God.

What have I done?
What have I said?

- You said, "I wasn't put on this earth--"
- No, I know what I said.

I just can't believe I said it.
Candi?

I didn't mean it. Please forgive me.

Yes, you did mean it, Frasier.

And what's more, you're right.

You know, I didn't understand
anything anybody was saying

except for Sam.

We can't get married,
because I don't deserve you.

No, no, I don't deserve you.

I don't deserve to put polish
on your toenails.

Although it was the highlight
of breakfast.

Maybe we should spend more time together
before we take this step.

You mean, like, the weekend?

That long? Well, maybe.

I think you've made
a very wise decision.

I think we'll be going now.

Listen, I'm-- I'm sorry I snapped
at you that way.

It's the first time I've raised my voice
to you in anger,

and I promise it'll be the last.

That's too bad.

I thought you were kind of sexy
when you were mad.

Really?

Well, don't just sit there.
Get a move on!

- Sam, your office is a pigsty. See to it.
- Oh, Frasier.

And you know, if we can put
a man on the moon,

why can't we put metal
in a microwave?

Diane, I gotta compliment you
on the way you handled Frasier.

That was pretty good.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I hate to see a
man and woman make a mistake.

- Frasier and Candi.
- Frasier and Candi. Yeah.

Well, no, no, I mean, you gotta hang
out with somebody for a long time.

You gotta really get to know them
before you take a big step like that.

Yes. if something's worthwhile,
it's worth waiting for.

Absolutely.

Well.

A lot of people out there
waiting for a wedding,

and no bride, no groom.

Guess it's up to us, huh?

My God, Sam.

I can't believe my ears.

You're serious, aren't you?

Oh, no, no. I just meant
that we should go out there

and serve those people
some drinks. That's all.

- That's what I meant too.
- No, it isn't.

What did you think
I was talking about?

- Come on.
- Well, for a moment there,

I confess, I thought you were talking
about something else.

And what would your answer
have been?

No, Sam.

That's the sort of question that has to
be asked before it can be answered.

Well, if I heard the answer, maybe it would be
easier for me to ask the question.

Very well.

The answer is no.

Well, the question was,

"Have you ever met a man who gave
you the hots more than me?"

I'd like to change my answer.

- Fine. Go on.
- Then the answer is yes.

Well, then the question was,
"Do you wanna go to bed with me?"

I wanna change my answer again.

Well, that's okay.
And I'll change my question to,

"Is there any way that you would not
object to not going to bed with me?"

Wait a minute.