All language subtitles for Cheers.S04E08.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

You sure you don't wanna
have another round, Jack?

Not me, pal. Let's get out of here.

What's the damage, Mac?

Oh, just let me figure it up here.

That'll be 27.50.

Ouch. You sure?

Yep, you two gentlemen
had four peach daiquiris

and three crème de men the frappés.

Something funny, dipstick?

In the paper this morning, yeah,
it seems that, oh,

the Sarge got tricked
by Beetle Bailey again.

See, Beetle put some itching powder
in his shorts.

Oh, we thought that maybe
you was laughing at our drink order.

Oh, on the contrary.
No, no, no--

Woody, let me have another mocha
froth, will you? And keep them coming.

Hey, guess who's gonna interview me
on the radio tonight?

Someone with a taste for adventure.

- Dave Richards, my old buddy.
- Hey.

And a 2-by-4 for a brain.

I need Dewar's rocks, please.

What's your big problem with Dave?

I mean,
ever since he came in this place,

you've been badmouthing the guy.

For some strange reason,
I find it hard to respect a man

with the bumper sticker
"Honk if you're horny."

- That's pretty good.
- Yeah. Honk, honk, honk!

Oh, there's news.

Hey, Sam, what time do you have
to be at the radio station?

No, it's a phone interview.
You know, it's that sports talk show

that Dave does after the Red Sox games.

- Evening, everybody.
- Norm!

- What do you say, Norm?
- Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink.

And down it goes, huh?

- We missed you last night, buddy.
- You did?

- Yeah.
- Well, Vera and I went out dancing

with the Henshaws.
The next-door neighbors.

- Oh, what, again?
- Normie, dancing?

- Yeah.
- I didn't think you liked walking.

You kidding? I love dancing.
I could watch for hours.

You don't dance yourself?

Vera's the dancer in our family.
She even has dancer's buns, Sammy.

Too bad they're on her calves, though.
You know, it's kind of...

So, Normie, who was the--?
Who was Vera dancing with then?

- The guy, Ron Henshaw.
- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah. Good dancer.
- Oh, is he?

Well, they dance
the slow dances, do they?

Yeah, a few times.
Why do you ask, Cliff?

Oh, no reason, no reason.
But you know, during the slow dances,

certain parts of the body
rub up against one another.

You know, thigh touches thigh,
purely by accident.

Before you know it,
you're hosing them off like dogs.

It's good clean fun, all right, Cliffy?

Yeah, well, I know which way
the wind blows.

Yeah, usually out of your mouth.

Cheers.

Oh, yeah, he's right here.

Sam, it's some guy
from the radio station.

Dave's ready to go on the air!

All right, all right, I'll be in my office.
Pipe down.

I can't believe I'm talking
to a real radio station.

Hey, hey, listen, while I've got you,
could you please play Roxanne

and dedicate it to my girl?

No, no, her name's Beth.

But I don't think there's
a song called Beth.

Oh, hi, Sam. Oh, right,
I'll hang up. Goodbye.

Well, it's not really goodbye
because we're not actually--

Right now? Yes, okay.
They're ready.

- What's the score?
- What's the line?

- Who's ahead?
- Who's behind?

Hey, let's ask Dave!

Who's behind? Come on,
can we say that on the air?

Yes, it's me, Dave Richards,
with Sports Shorts.

Well, we don't have much time
because the Red Sox

were involved in another
long, boring extra-inning game.

So let's get right to tonight's guest.

He's former Red Sox relief pitcher

and one of my buds, Sam Malone.
How you doing?

Sure am, Dave. How are you?

- Just great. And you?
- Couldn't be better.

That's great to hear.
Boy, we've had some fun...

Where does one send
for a transcript?

Well, I think we've hogged
the airwaves long enough, Sam.

So let's open up those phone lines
for you listeners out there.

Got a question you've been dying
to ask Sam Malone?

Well, here's your chance.

Former major league great
Mayday Malone.

All the lines are clear,
and it is a toll-free call.

It doesn't have to be about baseball.
Anything at all. Anything.

Hey, we've got a call.
You're on the Shorts.

Hey, Sam, where'd you put the olives?

Woody-- Woody, get off the--

Get off the phone!

- He said, 'Anything at all."
- Here's another one.

- Go ahead.
- Sam, you were known as

quite a ladies' man
during your playing days.

Are women more impressed
by a man in a baseball uniform?

Well, actually I found women
were a lot more impressed

when I was out of my uniform,
if you get my drift.

Hey.

No, seriously, you know,
a lot of the chicks I dated

know nothing about
the game of baseball at all.

You know, in fact, one former
love bunny actually brought a book

to a Red Sox game to pass time
between pitches.

- "Love bunny"?
- A book? You mean, like, to read?

I swear to God, Dave.

Gee, I wonder who
that was, Diane.

--His grandchildren about that.
Anyway, this is Dave Richards

saying, "Be a sport.
Don't be a jerk." Goodbye.

Great show.

Hey, do you love me, public?

Love bunny?

What's wrong with that?

How dare you callously
and cruelly lump me in

with the other conglomeration
of Twinkies

that constitutes your sexual past.

There's just no pleasing that woman.

- Hello, Norm.
- Oh, Phyllis.

- What are you doing here?
- Well, I took the chance

- I might find you here.
- Whoa, what are the odds?

You guys, this is Phyllis Henshaw.

- Hi.
- So where's Ron?

I don't know.

Could we talk privately?

Sure, yeah. Just follow me here.

- Can I get you anything?
- No. No, thank you.

What's up?

Norm, I've been trying to think
of an easy way to say this,

but I can't.

I think Vera and Ron
are having an affair.

Vera and Ron?

Did you guys all get that back there?

That's just great. How about you guys?
Did you get that, everyone?

Come on, let's just get away
from the peanut gallery here.

This is kind of hard to believe, Phyllis.

I mean,
what makes you think they are?

- Oh, Norm, come on. You're not blind.
- What? What?

Haven't you seen the way they look
at each other when they're dancing?

And I don't have to tell you
how attractive Vera is.

No, you certainly don't.

And Ron's always going over
to "borrow" things from you.

Yeah, but-- Well, all right, yeah.

Now, Vera said that he came over
yesterday to borrow a power drill,

- but I really...
- Norm, we have a power drill.

Variable speed?

Yes.

- Cordless?
- Oh, my God!

Phyllis, this doesn't necessarily mean
anything.

Well, we have to find out. I think we
ought to hire a private detective.

No, I think you're jumping
the gun a little bit.

- Oh, are we?
- Yes. Yeah, I do.

Well, Ron told me he'd be home
all night. Let's just see if he is.

Sure, I'm sure--
Look-- Get--

So, what's up, buddy?

It's probably nothing, I hope.

Oh, come on, Norm.
Fill us in, will you?

I mean, we're--
We're your friends here.

We're sensitive and caring,
and our only concern is your support.

You know that, Norman.

Well, all right, how much did you
overhear so far?

Well, everything but the location

where they're satisfying their pagan lust.

No, this just can't be true, Mr Peterson.
They wouldn't do that.

I mean, they're both married,
for Pete's sake.

How old are you?

Well, what--? What happened?

Ron's not home.

- Hire a private dick, Norm.
- Hey, my cousin Santo's a gumshoe,

- and a great one.
- Great, great.

He's professional, thorough
and a master of disguise.

- I'm sure he is.
- Not just as people either,

but things. Furniture.
I mean, he could be here right now.

Norman, I think it's a mistake.
Don't give in to suspicion.

Baloney! Hire Santo.
Better safe than sorry.

- No, Norm...
- Norman, trust-- Trust--

Who are these people?

All right. Wait a minute. Just--
Would you wait a minute, now?

Phyllis, you may not know about Ron,
but Vera happens to love me, all right?

And I certainly love her.
I'm gonna call her right this minute.

- Yeah.
- I'm gonna tell her that.

- Yeah.
- She better be there to hear it.

She will.

Oh, hi, honey.

No, nothing, nothing, I just, actually,
called to tell you that I love you.

The usual time.
All right, fine. Yeah, bye. Bye.

She said she's just sitting
home alone listening to records.

Oh, I could hear Johnny Mathis
singing in the background.

There you go. I knew it.

Now, that's good news,
isn't it, Mr Peterson?

Yeah.

It'd even be better if we had
a Johnny Mathis album.

We have one.

All right, Carla, call your cousin.

Hey. Did you enjoy your dinner?

Hey. Hey, listen.

Excuse me, miss?

Are you or are you not
speaking to me?

Never ever again.

How could you?

After all we've been through.

What we had together
was real and special,

and now you've cheapened it
for all eternity

by broadcasting to the entire
Boston metropolitan area

that I was nothing but
an odalisque in your seraglio.

If that's your idea of the silent
treatment, it needs a little work.

Oh, come on...
All right, all right,

whatever it is I said, and whatever
the hell it was that you just said,

what if--? What if I go back
on the air there and apologize?

Will that fix things up?

Do whatever you want.
I couldn't care less.

Keep it short and simple.

Something dignified.

No sweat.

I'll write the script for you.

Well, is there anything else
you can tell me?

No. No, I think that's just
about everything.

When can you start?

Look, you both seem like nice people,
huh? Do yourselves a favor.

Don't hire me.

Well, that's an interesting sales pitch
you have there,

- but we're quite serious about this.
- And you don't know

what you're letting yourselves
in for here. A lot of pain,

a lot of heartache, a lot of misery.

And that's just when you see the bill.

My cousin, she's a pistol.

Mr Carbone, by hiring you, we hope
to prove our spouses innocent.

- Yeah, there you go.
- Well, in most of these cases

the news is otherwise.
Believe me, I've seen it a million times.

A bored husband, fed up with leftovers
in the bedroom as well as the kitchen,

starts eyeing the cute little pastry tart
next door who's only too happy

to serve up a little dessert.

That's not true in our case, is it, Norm?

No. No way. Anyone else hungry?

Look, nothing like this
has ever happened before.

Up until now, we've both
had happy marriages.

Please, believe me,
people who don't know are better off.

- Could you excuse us for a minute?
- Yeah, sure.

Well, Norm, what do you think?

I'm not so sure we should
hire this guy.

Well, if we're being made fools of,
I'd prefer to know it.

Can't we just assume it
and save a little money here?

All right, look, Mr Carbone,

we're gonna hire your services,
all right?

Your funeral.

- Thanks for the referral, Carla.
- Yeah, see you, Santo.

Yeah.

- You're Diane Chambers, aren't you?
- Yes, I am. You look familiar.

Weren't you an attendant
at Goldenbrook?

That was just my cover.

Santo was the one who I hired to track
you down at the insane asylum.

It wasn't an insane asylum, damn it!

It was more like a spa.

You're out already, huh?

Of course I'm out.

- Why wouldn't I be out?
- No reason.

Look, you take it easy.

Okay, Sam Malone is back on
the show with a prepared statement

that he's gonna read.
Go ahead, Sammy.

Ladies and gentlemen, a week
ago on this program, I, Sam Malone,

committed a faux pas
of the highest magnitude.

I insensitively included
a wonderful woman in a category

in which she certainly
did not merit inclusion.

I apologize to her and indeed
to women everywhere,

both living and dead,

whose sensibilities
may have been offended.

Yeah, yeah, well, whatever
peels your potatoes, Sam.

Our next guest is a guy that played--

- Very well done. Thank you, Sam.
- Yeah?

You're welcome, little love bunny.

Oy vey.

You all right, Mr Peterson?
You've been awful quiet tonight.

I was thinking about a high school
football game, actually.

That was a long time ago, Woody.
And far away from here.

We were playing our archrivals
for the state championship, you know?

And I saw the cutest little cheerleader
that I've ever seen in my life

just cheering her heart out.

Yeah. I looked at her,

and the sun seemed to be shining
only where she stood. You know what I mean?

And she seemed to be everything
that was bright and pure and good.

I knew right then and there that I
wanted to make that little gal my wife.

So I turned to Vera, and I said,

"Honey, would you mind introducing
me to that cheerleader?"

I'm joking, Woody.

Of course that little cheerleader
was Vera.

Hey, can I ask you a question,
Mr Peterson?

- Sure, Woody.
- Who won the game?

You know, I really couldn't tell you
who won, Woody, but...

tonight I sure know who lost.

Well, can't you figure
it out from that?

- Could I have another beer, please?
- Yeah. Coming up.

Norm. Hi, I just got a call
from Mr Carbone.

He's gonna drop by with his report
in a few minutes.

- Did he say anything?
- No, he said he wanted to wait

and talk to us in person.

Oh, man.

Could we wait in the backroom,
where it's private?

All right. Sure.

- Oh, Norm, where did we go wrong?
- I don't know.

I've been racking my brain
trying to figure it out.

I mean, day after day, night after night,
I sit on that stool out there

wondering, "Why did she lose interest in me?"

Norm, listen.

Whatever the outcome,
I want you to know

I couldn't have gotten through this
without you. You've been a tower of strength.

You've been great too, Phyllis.
Thank you.

What if the news is bad?
I mean, what then?

- Well, I know what I'm gonna do.
- Oh, yeah?

I'm gonna go right out and have
an affair myself. Maybe lots of them.

You are darn right.
That's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Just watch my dust.

Of course, the difficult part is...

finding the right person.

It's hard, all right.

Now, that's always the hard part.

You know, it would have to be
someone who really understands me.

You know what I mean?

Someone you could depend on?

But who? I wouldn't know
where to begin.

I'd be completely lost.

Of course, I wouldn't wanna
break up a marriage

like those two home wreckers.

Those jackals.

Adulterers.

Fornicators.

All right-- Oh, for God's sakes!

Boy, this is one for the books.
God help us all.

All right.
Just-- No commentary, please.

Skip it and just give us
the report here.

All right, all right. I followed them
everywhere. From the supermarket

to the movie theater to the golf course.

Last night I got what I wanted
at the Sea Shanty restaurant.

- Well, let's hear the tape.
- Yeah, let's.

I don't wanna hang around
here any longer than I gotta.

- We've put this off too long.
- Well, we wanted to be sure

- about some things.
- Right, I--

- Busboy dropped a tray.
- What did she say?

- I couldn't hear a thing.
- What did you say?

I said I can't go through with it.
I just can't hurt Norm.

I feel exactly the same way.
I can't hurt Norm either.

- Well, I guess that's that.
- Yeah, I just realized

in a strange kind of way
that I still love him.

With all his faults. He's never home.

And so he hangs out
in some bar downtown.

And, as far as our sex life goes,
he's not exactly Don Juan.

It's more like Don of the Dead.

I think we get the gist here.

So nothing went on.

Nothing. Vera and Ron happen
to be two of the sweetest people

I ever ran across. They actually
changed my mind about this filthy business.

Then I walk in here,
and I'm right back in the sewer.

Well, you'll pardon me
if I go home now, won't you?

I mean, suddenly
I feel like a shower.

Hey-- You know--

I'm gonna miss him.

I...

Well...

...that's good news then, right, Norm?

Yeah, I guess so.

So I guess we don't have to go out and
find somebody to have an affair with.

Guess not.

Norm, can I ask you something?

Yeah.

When we kissed before,
did anything happen?

Of course something happened.
Why would you ask that?

You don't believe what Vera said
about our sex life?

- No, no, not at all.
- Okay. Fine.

It's just that, well, you know,

just because Ron and Vera
didn't do anything

doesn't mean that we have to...

Well, what I'm trying to say is,

is that when we kissed
something happened to me.

When I heard that tape, Phyllis,
something happened to me.

I realized how much Vera
means to me.

Well, then, why don't you just run
on home to your precious little wife?

All right, I'm gonna.
I'm gonna do just that.

Right after a couple more beers.

- I'm sorry, Norm.
- No, no, no.

You know, in a strange kind of way,
I like Vera.

Yeah, well, that's the only kind
of way you can.

Oh, stop it.

Yeah. I kind of like her too.

- You know, she's a lucky woman.
- Come on.

You are a definite hunk.

Bye-bye.

Norm Peterson...

...hunk.

Hi there.

- Get lost.
- Right.