All language subtitles for Cheers.S04E03.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Hey, Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

- Great game.
- Yeah. Hey, look,

they're showing chicks
in the stands every--

Oh, look at that one.
Come to papa!

Oh, yeah, Cliff ie, they didn't build that
stadium in Foxboro for nothing, pal.

They sure didn't.
I'll bet it cost millions.

I suppose you're wondering
why a person of my breeding

would be working among
the lumpen proletariat.

Do you mind?
I'm researching a novel,

and working here gives me insight
into their simple pleasures.

Oh, wait, wait. They're zooming in
on a cheerleader here.

I think I've zoomed in
on that one myself.

This language supplies the rich texture
that distinguished Fitzgerald's work.

Cliff ie, here comes the wave.

Well, you have to go along with them,
or they get testy.

That's good. Good.

Seeing Baryshnikov dance Giselle
was the experience of a lifetime.

When he took the stage in his cabriole,
it was breathtaking.

- I'd never seen his Albrecht before.
- You mean he split his tights?

I wish.

Hey, Diane, you got a minute?

Listen, I want you to know
that you are the last person on earth

that I would ask for help.

But I figure you've been in college
for a zillion years,

so you must have
picked up something.

- Now that you've buttered me up...
- Well, my kid Gino,

he made this generator
for his school science fair,

- and he can't get it to work.
- What's the problem?

He's not very smart.

Here, take a look at this thing.

If you're asking me to do
Gino's homework for him, I won't.

It's unethical.

- Hey, Mrs. T?
- What?

You know, you ought to ask
Mr. Clavin. He's very sharp.

He's got more information in his whole
head than I got in my little finger.

- You got that backwards.
- See?

Oh, yeah, Carla, it is common knowledge
that I'm scientifically handy.

As a matter of fact, I spent a good part
of my youth in a laboratory.

And you'd still be there today

if the chimpanzee hadn't taught you
how to open your cage.

Hey. Will you look at that?

One of those
new marital aids, huh?

Okay, Clavin,
the science fair is in one week.

This is your chance to either
gain my respect or lose your tonsils.

Hey, well,
thanks for the opportunity, Carla.

So, Norm, what do you say?
You wanna give me a hand here?

No. I think I'll pass,
Dr. Frankenstein.

Cliff, have one on the house
here for your good deed.

Oh, thank you, Sammy.

What about one for Igor?

Sam, who's sitting here?

I don't know, but his coat's
been taking up bar space all night.

So I've noticed.
Cashmere. Very nice.

Hand stitching. Tortoiseshell buttons.
This is a very expensive garment.

Doesn't look that expensive to me.

It has a Bemberg lining.

Oh, well, no fair, now.
You didn't mention that.

I'm gonna hang it up.
Oh, a pipe smoker.

I don't believe it's a domestic blend.
Sam, what do you think?

- I don't smell anything.
- Of course not.

Your olfactory senses
have been destroyed

by that cologne you
marinate in.

Oh, I should've known.
Of course, it's a perique blend.

Jack Meechan, my father's partner,
used to smoke it.

The memory's so clearly
etched in my mind.

He'd sit in his office smoking his pipe.
I'd beg to sit in his lap, and he'd say,

"Okay, little miss,
but you have to pay the toll first."

So I'd give him a big hug,
and then he'd ask,

"How about a tip
for the gatekeeper?"

So I'd give him a peck on the cheek,
and he'd toss me in the air, yelling,

"Who's your favorite uncle?"
And I'd squeal, "Uncle Jack, Uncle Jack."

Was this before or after
you met me?

This is weird. What are you
making a big deal about the coat for?

I was merely trying to conjure up
an image of the owner.

There's nothing wrong with that.
Fantasy's healthy. Everybody does it.

Didn't you ever
fantasize about me?

Yeah, I guess I did.

And I you.
What did you fantasize about?

Mostly that you'd stop
using phrases like, "And I you."

Okay, Watson, fire up.

Cliff ie, are you all right?

It went right from my neck
to my lower regions, Norm.

- Anything we can do?
- Yeah.

Crank it up again.

Woody, would you add up
these receipts for me, please?

Sure.

There's eight of them.

Thank you, Woody.
That's what I got too.

Hey, Sam, this guy
never came back for his coat.

Probably saw Diane sniffing it.

- Night, all.
- Night, Woody.

- Okay, Sam, lost and found.
- Give me that.

Maybe there's some identification.

No wallet.
Well, there must be some clue here.

You see?
Two tickets to the Grand Kabuki.

So he likes to watch
two fat guys with diapers butt heads.

- What's that tell you?
- That you're an idiot.

You're confusing sumo wrestling
with classic Japanese theatre.

Gee, please don't tell the guys.

A dried rose. What a romantic.

Could it be a memento from a golden
midi D'Amour in some sylvan setting?

What's that?
A classy way of saying a nooner?

Boy, you're really losing it here.

You know, you can't tell what a guy's
like by what he's got in his pocket.

I certainly can.
What do you have in your pockets?

Why don't you check it out
yourself and you tell me.

I think my point is made.

Has it occurred to you this guy may
look like Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy?

I can tell you right now

that the owner of this coat
could well be the most attractive man

I've ever encountered,
whatever he looks like.

Down, girl, down.

What a person looks like
has nothing to do with who that person is.

If my face were transposed
on another soul, would it matter?

To the poor sap
who got it, it would.

Cheers.

Oh, well, hold on a sec. I'll check.

Have we seen a cashmere coat
with Bemberg lining around here?

Sam.

Yeah, why don't you talk
to our coat-check girl.

The dream man
for Miss Chambers.

Hello.
My name is Diane Chambers,

and I want you to rest assured
that your lovely coat is safe in my charge.

I think we have a bad connection.

Your car phone?

You know,
I imagined you had a car phone.

Well, what I meant was, is we were
playing this game, wondering

what you'd be like
based on your coat.

Me?
Well, close your eyes and imagine.

Oh, no, don't.
We don't want you rear-ending a bus.

Oh, forgive my merry sense of humor.
I get it from my mother's side.

- Oh, my God.
- He sounds wonderful.

Really? Well, why don't you
ask him out, then.

Yes.

Listen, you sound like
a charming man.

If it's not too forward, perhaps we could
go for an espresso sometime?

Sometime?
Now, there's a commitment for you.

On second thought,
I'm getting off work now.

If you're not busy,
we could do it tonight.

Oh, we're both such spontaneous
madcaps, aren't we?

You're right down the block?
Momentarily, then.

Making a date with a stranger over
the telephone is a big mistake, Diane.

I tried it.
It was nothing but trouble.

Of course,
mine was an obscene phone call.

I hope this works out. Busted
expectations are a real bummer.

- I won't be disappointed.
- No, no, I was talking about him.

Hey, hey, hey. Here comes
Mr. Right down the steps as we speak.

Socks.
He's already got my guy beat.

- What, are you nervous there?
- Not at all.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- I bet you're the guy without the coat.
- Yes, I am. Diane?

You should be so lucky.

Diane.

Aren't you going to introduce yourself
to this lovely gentleman?

Of course I am. I was just waiting
for the proper moment.

I'm Diane Chambers.
How do you do? Welcome to Cheers.

I'm Stuart Sorenson.

- Well.
- Yes.

- Oh, good, you have my coat.
- Ah, yes.

I can't tell you how grateful I am
for you taking such good care of it.

Oh, it was my pleasure.
It's a lovely garment.

Did you get it on the Continent?

- France.
- "The Continent." Nice try, Diane.

Hi, Stuart, I'm Sam Malone. I haven't
seen you in here before, have I?

Well, I'm new to the Boston area.

I'm in the midst of restoring
a carriage house on Beacon Hill.

And I needed a break,
so I just wandered in here.

- It's a nice little pub you have.
- Well, thank you.

- That makes you a carpenter, huh?
- Sam, he's probably an architect.

- Why, yes, I am an architect.
- An architect, you say?

- Did you hear that, Sam?
- Three times.

Listen, Diane, about that date, I realize
we made it over the phone and--

Well, here's your chance
to back out.

This lady's not going to let you
off that easily.

But it was a nice try there, Stuart.

Do you know a place
still open for espresso?

As a matter of fact,
I know a wonderful little boîte.

Every time I go there,
I'm reminded of the Café Lumière,

opposite the bois de Boulogne.

I know exactly
the one you're talking about.

It's in the lobby
of the Hôtel Sainte-Cécile.

- Yes.
- Well.

That's the only place I stay
when I'm in Paris.

Oh, I'm sorry.
That sounded so pretentious.

There's my car phone.

That sounded pretentious too.

Oh, hell, so I'm pretentious.

- Do you mind if I go get that?
- Not at all. I'll meet you at your car.

There's a back way out of here.
You gotta shinny up a drainpipe,

crawl over some broken glass,
but I think it may be worth it.

What are you talking about?
I feel totally vindicated.

He's everything
I thought he would be.

He's charming, intelligent,
self-deprecating.

I didn't hear "attractive" in there.

- I find him attractive.
- Oh, come on, Diane.

On a scale of one to ten,
me being a 12, of course,

where are you gonna rate Stuart?

Let's change that to IQ.

While your score would remain 12...

...his would skyrocket.

It's too bad you're not gonna be
gazing across the table at his IQ.

Why don't you just admit
you're jealous.

All right, I am.
You're right, but can you blame me?

Sam, are you saying
what I think you're saying?

You bet I am.
I'd kill for a car phone.

Two vodka tonics.

- So where's the stick?
- She and Stuart are on another date.

They went to see a play.
I think it's a whodunnit.

With him in the audience,
it's a what-is-it.

Hey, hey, come on.
Lighten up on him, will you?

He turned out to be
kind of a nice fella.

Gonna have to give
Diane credit on this one.

Her intuition proved to be right.

I'm a great believer in intuition.
It's like when I first saw you, Sam.

Something told me you were
super smooth with the ladies.

Maybe it was that time you
walked out of here with four of them,

one on each arm. You know,

you always just seem to know
the right moves.

Sometimes I like to just stand around
and watch you operate.

- It's like going to school.
- I never really thought of it like that.

Well, yes, I have.

Well, so there we were,

me and 25 soaking wet
Japanese architects in my apartment,

and I'm out of Brie.

Oh, Stuart, what a life you've led.

Make yourself comfortable.
I'll get our drinks.

Hey, Stuart, how was the theatre?

- Great fun, Sam.
- Oh, good.

Hey, Miss Chambers?

I've been meaning to tell you,
I really like your friend Stuart.

Oh, thank you, Woody.

Hey, you think you could get him
to do that great trick for me?

What trick?

The one Sam says he does when he
makes the clock stop by looking at it.

Wasn't that just supposed to be
between you, me and the lamppost?

Well, look at her.
It's an easy mistake.

Excuse me.
I have to speak with Sam.

I'll be back before
the bouquet leaves the glasses.

Might I speak with you briefly?

You might,
but I don't think you will.

I'm sorry about that clock comment.

I made it before I realized
what a nice guy he is.

I'm such a pooh.

- Beg your pardon?
- You heard me. A pooh.

After all these years,
I have to admit it. I'm all talk.

Oh, well, of course you are, honey,
but we've all gotten used to that.

Sam, I have spent the week
with a person

who can converse
on a multitude of subjects,

who listens when I talk,

who treats me with respect.

And a person with whom
I can think of nothing but,

"Why aren't you great-looking?"

Or, "Why can't I stop wishing
you were great-looking?"

This is probably not the right time
to say I told you so,

so if you could just remind me
to get to it later.

Oh, Sam.

I'm small and vain and petty.

Will you stop being hard on yourself?
I mean, that's my job here. Come on.

You had, what, few casual
dates with him? What's the big deal?

Yes, but as often happens
in my life,

this gentleman is becoming
much too serious, much too fast.

He's wearing that smitten look
I know so well.

I've got to do something
before it goes any further.

I see.

For the first time in my life I can't
bring myself to tell the truth to a man so...

...I need a lie.

And God forgive me,
I'm coming to you for help.

Well, I'm flattered.

All right, let me... Let me give this
a little thought here.

All right. All right, I've never passed
this one on before, but I think it's--

I think it's the ticket here.
It's neat, fast, clean and, best of all,

it makes them want to get away
from you. Now, here's what you do.

You tell him that you have
a contagious skin condition

and that insanity
runs in your family.

Very sensitive.

Well, thank you. It's a gift.

Sam, I have never been
more grateful to you than I am now.

I just looked into the face
of insensitivity and dishonesty,

and it made me blanch.

I am going out there,
and I'm going to break up with Stuart.

But I'm going to do it honestly,
straightforwardly and yet, caringly.

I'll tell him the truth of my feelings,
that I'm not attracted to him romantically,

although I am very attracted to him
as a friend.

And I'll say it in a way that

he will accept and understand
and be grateful for.

Do you even begin to understand
what I'm trying to say?

Everything except the part
where you changed your name to Blanche.

Goodbye, Sam.

Goodbye, Blanche.

Thank you.

- Listen, Stuart--
- Diane, I'm sorry.

I can't put this off any longer.
There's something I have to tell you.

Diane, for the first time in my life,

I'm thinking of making a permanent
commitment with a woman.

Stuart, I have a contagious skin
disease and insanity runs in my family.

My God, Diane,
I'm terribly sorry to hear that.

Thank you.
I thought you should know.

Well, that makes me feel
a little selfish,

talking about my good news
after hearing that.

Your good news?

Diane, what I'm trying to say is...

...there's someone else.

She's someone I knew
before I met you.

I honestly thought it was over
between us, but--

Well, we spoke earlier today,
and we decided to work things through.

You're telling the truth,
aren't you, Stuart?

Well, that's the most
wonderful thing I ever heard.

It's tearing me apart inside.

I'm a total wreck.

Don't give up hope, Diane.
No relationship is guaranteed.

Except yours.
Don't you doubt for a moment.

- We're talking ironclad here.
- Well, thank you.

By the way, have you seen
a doctor about that condition of yours?

What con--?

Oh, yes, yes.
I'm seeing a wonderful man.

He's almost
cleared it up completely.

He's about got
that insanity thing licked too.

He's a skin and brain man.

It's a new specialty.

Sounds fascinating.

Well, Diane, I'm really glad we had
this chance to know each other.

Me too.

- Goodbye, Diane.
- Goodbye, Stuart.

Hey, congratulations.
You're free and clear.

Don't congratulate me.
He's a terrific guy.

And I cast him aside
because of his appearance.

I'm greatly ashamed.

Well, from where I was sitting,
it sounded like he was--

All right, Sam, let's not split hairs.

The point is, he's gone.

For the first time ever, I let appearance
taint my feelings toward a man.

Boy, you know what's wrong with you?
You just can't be honest with yourself.

Looks are all
that ever mattered to you.

What are you talking about?
That is utterly inaccurate.

Oh, yeah?
Want me to prove it to you?

Yes.

Who were you more crazy about
than anyone else in your entire life?

Not including yourself there.
Don't answer. It was me.

And there was only one reason
why you ever went out with me,

and that was because of my looks.

- Not entirely.
- Yes, entirely.

Name one other reason
why anyone would go out with me.

Go on, name one.
You can't, can you?

No, Sam, I can't.