All language subtitles for Cheers.S04E02.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

- Oh, no.
- What's wrong, Mr. Peterson?

It's my anniversary, I have nothing
for Vera, and stores are closed.

Normie's in big trouble now.

Will Mrs. Peterson
give you the cold shoulder?

It's not the cold shoulder I mind.
It's the hard knee.

Well, not to worry there, Norm.

I think with your wit
and resourcefulness,

you'll come up with a suitable gift.

Yeah.

You're absolutely right, Cliff ie.

I tried. I'm doomed.

I know where there's
a gas station open.

Why don't you get her
a can of 40-weight.

- Very funny.
- Hey, why not give her

the best gift of all, Mr. Peterson?

A night of romance.

Carla, where's that gas station at?

Come on. Come on, Norm.
You can do better than that.

- What?
- That ashtray's better than that.

Come on, man.

Ashtray, huh?

It's a little shoddy, but...

You know, with a nice pack
of cigarettes or something,

a nice snappy new pack of matches,
I think we got something here.

- Hey, hey, hey, Norm!
- Does Vera even smoke?

Oh, yeah, she's been
known to smoke.

Occasionally after sex.

Usually during.

Well, not the best I've had,
but it'll serve. Refill, Sam.

Frasier, I'm not sure how
to get into this,

but your bar bill's up to 500 dollars.

My God. Really?

I'm shocked.

Well, I promised myself that
if I reached 500 dollars, I'd quit.

So that does it.

I'll raise my limit to 1,000.

I hope you understand
it's just business,

but 500's a little out
of my comfort zone there.

Oh, I understand, Sam.

Seems nobody wants to pay a man
for sitting around and drinking all day.

Yeah, it's a world gone mad,
huh, Fras?

Sam, I've come to
a very important decision.

I've just taken stock of myself.

It's not exactly AT&T, is it?

I'm gonna pick up the pieces
of my shattered life.

But in order to do that,
you gotta hit rock bottom first.

For you, that's three flights up.

Carla, you wanna see if anyone
in the back has open wounds to salt?

Spoilsport.

- Sam, you are my inspiration.
- Well, thank you.

You, too, were a worthless,
drooling drunk.

Carla, hold it a second.

Sam, I'm sorry.

See, the point is that
you pulled yourself together.

I have to rebuild my life, my career,
my reputation, my self-esteem.

I'm no longer worthy
to practice psychiatry,

but I'm gonna make myself worthy.

I'll start at the lowest,
most menial level.

- Sam, who sweeps the floors here?
- Me and Woody.

Mostly Woody. All right, Woody.

Well, let me do it for both of you.

- You can pay me whatever you'd like.
- Oh, gee, Frasier. I don't know.

No, Sam, I know you think it's beneath me,
but I really need this now.

No, no, I just don't know
where Woody put the broom.

Maybe if you try
in the back closet there.

I mean, it's okay with me, but you sure
you want Diane to see this?

Yes. Let her confront her guilt
for what she's wrought

by her refusal to work out
our relationship.

And if I have a scintilla
of psychological acumen left,

when she sees my humiliation,
she'll eat her liver.

What's Frasier doing?

Well, he's the new janitor.

Poor Frasier.

I had no idea he'd take it so hard.

This is my saddest romantic legacy.

But I refuse to hold myself responsible.
Do I beg men to fall in love with me?

I certainly hope not.
I'd like to think I was special.

Have you made any friends
since you moved to Boston?

A few, if you count cats.

You're really cute.

I'd love to have a friend like you.

Look, Sam. Could we be in on
the inception of a budding romance?

You talking about a foursome here?

How can you make a sweet,
innocent flirtation

into something tawdry?

I could tell you, but it'd be
a lot more fun to show you.

So, Woody, maybe we could go out
for coffee after you get off work.

Oh, gee, Lisa,
I'd like to, but I gotta...

- I gotta do something else.
- What?

I don't know, but I gotta start right now.
Excuse me.

My God. I don't think I've ever seen
a man Woody's age

so painfully shy around women.

That young lady asked him out.
He refused her.

- Two beers, Sam.
- Well, maybe...

Maybe she came on too strong.
Some guys don't like that.

Well, I know how the lad feels.

I mean, in the mating ritual,
I like to be the aggressor.

Of course, I don't mind a woman giving me
a clear signal that I caught her eye.

You mean like sticking
a finger down her throat?

Woody hasn't had a date
since he came to work here.

Well, look, later on tonight,
I'm gonna go cruising for chicks,

a popular pastime
among virile studs of today.

I'll take Woody along.

There's not a man yet that's
come back from a Clavin love safari

without some trophy
to hang on his game-room wall.

Especially the horns, you know.

Hey, Woody. Lookit, later on, I'm
going out scouting for chickereenios.

- You wanna come?
- Well, sure.

What is that, some kind of cereal?

I'm not sure,
but I think he means girls.

Yeah, that's right. Come on, Wood.
Look, I got this great pickup line.

We pull up next to this
cute-looking babe, right?

I say, "Hey, my friend likes you."

Yeah, and if that doesn't work,
Cliff throws an egg at her. It's great.

That sounds like swell times,
but I'm not much in the mood for it. Thanks.

Woody, would you mind if I stuck
my big fat nose in your affairs?

Stick your big fat nose
wherever you like, Miss Chambers.

There's no need
to hide your feelings.

You're afraid of ladies
rejecting you, aren't you?

No, it's not so much that.
It's just that...

Well, I got this problem.

What problem? We at Cheers
always share our problems.

Besides, we kind of ran out of things
to talk about, so we'd appreciate it.

All right. There's this girl
back home named Beth Curtis,

and she is the most
wonderful girl in the world.

We dated ever since we were kids,
but last year we split up.

You know, I wanted to travel
around and see the world.

She wanted to stay in Indiana.

At first I thought it would be okay...

...but now I just can't seem
to get her out of my mind.

Everything I do, everywhere I go,
everything I see reminds me of her.

Beth.

Poor kid, huh?

Oh, wait a second.
Was that your meddling "hmm"?

Oh, Sam, we have to get
those two back together.

There's nothing sadder than a man

who wants his maiden
and is denied her.

It tears my heart out.

Frasier. You're getting dirt
on my new Joan & Davids.

- Afternoon, everybody.
- Norm!

What do you say to a beer, Normie?

Hi, sailor. New in town?

Where's Diane?
Back from the airport yet?

No, no, not yet.

What's Diane doing
down at the airport?

Well, we all got together
and thought it'd be kind of fun

to get Woody's girlfriend
out here and surprise him.

She's still picking her up.

What do you mean,
"we all got together"?

I didn't all get together.
Did you, Norm?

Yeah. Yeah, it was
a good meeting, actually.

Had some hors d'oeuvres.
It kind of turned into a little party, you know.

Well, you might have invited me.

Oh, we might have,
but we wanted to enjoy ourselves.

- Hey, Fras, how's the job going, bud?
- Oh, great.

Yeah, I hear you're really cleaning up
in your new business.

At least I was invited to the party.
Great rumaki, Sam.

Everyone, this is Beth Curtis.

- Hi, Beth.
- Hi, everybody.

How you doing? Sam Malone.

I guess Woody
told you all about me.

I haven't spoken to Woody in ages.

That's all right.
What could he tell you that you can't see?

Sam, please.

I'd really like to thank whoever all's
responsible for bringing me out here.

- Yeah. Cliff Clavin, do-gooder.
- Hi.

Gosh, I can't believe
how big this city is.

Yeah, yeah, quite a place.

You know, Boston is the hub of Boston
proper, which comprises some--

There's probably, what,
two and three-quarter million people

spread out in 83 cities and towns.

Get out of here.

You question my figures?

No, I want you to get out of here.

So where's my butterball?

- You mean Woody?
- Yeah.

He doesn't mind me
calling him that.

He's not very sensitive
about his weight.

Woody's not fat, Beth.

He was the last time I saw him.

- Wow. He lost weight too?
- Too?

Yeah. I don't like to brag or anything,
but I just lost 50 pounds.

I don't think Woody
will even recognize me.

Beth, that's wonderful.

Norman, isn't that wonderful?

Yeah, it's great. Great.

You know, actually, I just lost
a little weight recently myself.

No, I just found it.

Beth? You shrunk.

I shrunk? Look at you.

Wow, my hands can touch.

This is a dream come true.
What are you doing here?

- Well, your friends brought me out.
- They did?

Thanks, guys.
You've been so good to me.

In fact, next to
the Twilley brothers back home,

you're the closest friends I have.

Woody, after you left,

both Twilley brothers
made improper advances to me.

Hey, that makes you
my closest friends.

Woody, why don't you
take the rest of the day off.

Oh, really? Thanks, Sam.

- Look at you. I can't believe it.
- I can't believe it either.

You know, in high school, we were
voted the couple most likely to explode.

Hey, I'll show you the sights.
What do you wanna see first?

I'd kind of like to get a bite.

Didn't you eat on the plane?

Yeah, but not enough, I guess,
because I'm kind of hungry again.

Yeah, I'm famished. See you later.

Do you find that strange?

The first thing they wanted
to do was eat?

Yeah, yeah, Woody just got back
from lunch too.

Yeah, I'll say it's strange.
If I hadn't seen my girl in that long,

I know what the first thing
on her mind would be.

"How did he find me in Tibet?"

Sam, I finally did it.
It took three days,

but I removed every trace of
Carla's number from the men's room.

Would you mind your own business?

Frasier, for God's sake,
hasn't this gone on long enough?

If you're trying to make me
feel guilty, you succeeded.

Don't flatter yourself,
Your Highness.

I'm working here because I enjoy it.

The Crane family
is no stranger to hard work.

I'll have you know that when
my ancestors first came to this country,

they had nothing but strong backs,
a dream of freedom

and a small personal fortune.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a life to live.

Sam, where do you keep
the Jonny Mop?

Sam, stop him.

Don't let him put on
this stupid display.

Well, sweetheart, I'm helping
him regain his self-respect.

Besides, people come here specifically
to see the sweeping psychiatrist.

Sorry I'm late.

Beth and I had to go
to Baskin-Robbins

for the changing of the flavors.

Woody, how are you
and Beth getting along?

Oh, great.

We had this wonderful breakfast this morning.

Pancakes and sausages
and hash browns.

And then we discovered
this great little treat.

You know how
when you get to the end of a meal

and you find something
to kind of top it off?

- You mean like a sorbet?
- No, like eggs Benedict.

It really hit the spot.

Woody, that's kind of like topping off
a steak dinner with pork chops.

- Great idea.
- Well, it's not original.

It's the Hungry Heifer
Carnivore Platter.

Woody, it's none of my business,
but aren't you and Beth worried

that you might put back on
some of the weight

you worked so hard to take off?

No, we're very careful. We always
stop eating before we get lightheaded.

Who am I kidding?

It's happening all over again.

I swore after I took that 100 pounds off
that I'd never tub out again.

Now I'm gonna have to
send home for my fat clothes.

I don't know what comes over us
when we get together.

You know, Woody,
I thought of something.

I have old drinking buddies I can't
be around without wanting a drink.

Automatic thing.

I think that maybe Beth is--
Well, she's like your old eating buddy.

- Very good, Sam.
- Well, thank you.

And just when we were about to hang
a "for rent" sign on Sam's forehead.

He's right, Woody.

Friends with whom we share
a common vice

sometimes reinforce our behavior.

I'm sure that's what's happening
in your case.

Thank you, amateur psychologists...

...for your simple-minded
diagnostic attempts.

Now, Woody, tell me,

do you come from
a strict moral upbringing?

- What do you mean by that?
- Well,

do you and Beth feel that
premarital relations are wrong?

Well, I don't wanna talk about it.

Beth and I feel there's some things
you just don't talk about.

- Like what?
- I don't know. We never talk about it.

Now listen to me, Woody.

As healthy but moral
human beings,

you and Beth sublimated your lust
into the sensual pleasure of eating.

As your fondness grew,
so did your appetites.

Well, in short, food became
your substitute for sex.

Vera became mine.

You really think that's what it is,
Dr. Crane?

Yes, it's quite common.
Well, for example,

when Diane left Sam,
and he started drinking again,

he was filling the void
that Diane left.

And Diane filled her emptiness...

...by toying with and destroying a man

who's her cultural and intellectual
superior in every way!

You see the point
I'm trying to make, Woody.

- I don't wanna talk about it.
- I rest my case.

Go rest your mouth.

Hey. You mean to tell me
you've never slept with Beth?

Well, it's simple, then.
You sleep with her, you stop eating.

What a great reason too.
I mean, as if you needed one.

Sam, I can't do that.

I can't ask a nice girl like Beth
to sleep with me out of wedlock.

The younger generation.
I just don't know what to say to them.

Why don't you just marry her?

I don't think we're ready
for marriage yet.

Forget Frasier's Freudian rantings.

As anyone will tell you,
I am a Skinnerian behaviorist.

I say we must address
your symptoms.

You and Beth must learn to retrain
your eating habits together.

We've thought about diets before.
All it does is make us hungrier.

Well, then I'll help.

I'll take you out to dinner and show you
how to eat a light but satisfying meal.

Oh, well, I'll try anything.

Hey, Sam, you wanna join us?

Well, Sam could join us
if he so desires.

We'll have a...

...sparse but nutritious meal
and a lot of delightful conversation.

Thanks, Diane, but I got something
a little more fun planned for myself.

I'm gonna go home,
shave my head with a cheese grater

while chewing on tinfoil.

How about tomorrow night?

- Wasn't it good?
- Yeah.

Sam, can I tempt you
with the last piece of broccoli?

Depends on what
you're gonna do with it.

Aren't we just the trendsetters?

It's not everyone that could walk
into an elite French restaurant

and order nothing but vegetables.

Yeah, I gotta admit, I don't feel as full
as if I had eaten food or something.

Really, Diane, we appreciate
what you're trying to do,

but what do you say we cleanse
our palate with some éclairs?

Yo, waiter!

Yes, a sense of humor's
very important when dieting.

But remember, this one meal
isn't going to change your lives.

You're going to have to continue
this way on your own.

You think we can, Woody?

Oh, sure.
Yeah, this was kind of nice.

You know, I usually feel so full
I can't really do anything.

- But now I...
- I know.

I feel a lot more energetic.

You know, I've been thinking

about what the janitor at Cheers
said about sublimation.

About what?

Well, he said that, for us,
eating took the place of...

Woody, maybe you should
go over to that table over there

so you can be heard
above Sam's termite impression.

Yeah, that might be better.

I'm sorry.

Eating took the place of what?

Well, you know, that subject
that you don't like to talk about.

What subject don't I like
to talk about?

You know, that subject
that you never talk about.

The reason we never talk about that
is because you don't wanna talk about it.

I don't mind talking about it.

In fact, I think about it all the time.

Well, I don't mind
talking about it either.

- In fact, I think about it too.
- You think about it too?

Then maybe we should talk about it.

Yeah, I think we should talk about it.

You don't suppose there's a chance
we're not talking about the same thing.

- No.
- No.

Well, I think we've talked
about it enough.

Me too.

Well, I think we're gonna
be shoving off.

Where are you going?

We don't wanna talk about it.

- I think I understand.
- Yeah.

Understand what?

Oh, yeah, right.

Probably gonna get
something to eat, right?

Don't be silly.

- Isn't it beautiful?
- What's that?

Two people in love.

Yeah, you said it, all right.

- What?
- I just had the funniest stray thought.

Remember the first tryst
you and I shared?

Yeah, I think I had
Cheez Whiz on my half.

I'm talking about making love.

I know.

Yeah, of course I remember.

It was... It was great, wasn't it?

It was wonderful.

Yeah, I think we gave new meaning
to the word "cooking."

Sometimes I thought
it would go on forever.

Hey, I came pretty darn close
a couple of times, didn't I?

That's not what I meant.

You were wonderful.

Yeah, you were
pretty wonderful yourself.

- It can be so wonderful, can't it, Sam?
- You bet.

Thank God there's no danger
of all of that starting up again.

Right. We know what kind of hell
that would lead to.

Amen.

Will there be anything else?

- I want two of these. Keep it coming.
- Make it three.

I think the word is "chocolate."
I want more chocolate.

That's it. Go away. Go away.

We must come back.