All language subtitles for Cheers.S03E17.The.Mail.Goes.to.Jail.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Hey, Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Eh, so, Norm,

any luck impregnating Vera?

God, I miss the good old days
when people used to ask me things like,

"How're those Red Sox doing?'
Things like that.

Well, excuse me for caring.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Larry,
uh, just a little edgy, you know?

You have to understand.
I've gone an entire month with sex.

Yeah, it's all right, Normie.

Uh, Larry understands you.
Don't you, Larry?

But, look, you've been, uh,
trying for quite a few weeks now

and you've yet to strike pay dirt.

Can I, uh, can I ask you
a personal question?

Heaven forbid
this conversation'd get personal now.

Have you, uh, have you been
to a fertility specialist?

Yeah, yeah, actually we have,
but I don't have a lot of faith in this guy.

He's got Vera sprinkling
powdered rhinoceros horn

on my cereal in the morning.

Uh, does it make you feel
more virile, Normie?

Not really, but every now and then
I get this urge to charge a Jeep.

Afternoon, everybody!

Norm!

Norman.

Uh, what would you say
to a beer, Normie?

Daddy wuvs you.

Yi! It's freezing in here.

Didn't you hear? We're giving
our appliances the winter off.

There's some kind of blockage
in the heating system.

The furnace is working,
but we're not getting any hot air.

- What's Sammy going to do about it?
- You know,

I cannot believe this helplessness.

How about a little Yankee ingenuity here?

If Cheers were burning, would you wait for Sam
to get back to do something about it?

No, Diane, 'cause I already
taught them the fire drill.

We all file out in an orderly fashion
after nailing your hair to the bar.

Well, Clifford, we don't usually
see you in here this early.

Oh, I'm sick, Diane.

I must be coming down
with something.

Thought I'd get some coffee here
before I finish my route.

No, Cliff, a brandy.
Let me get you a nice brandy.

No, Coach, I hope I'm never that ill.
As long as I'm carrying this bag,

that's one thing
that'll never touch these lips.

You mean,
there's something that wants to?

Alcohol.

I'm on duty, Carla.

Just a coffee, please, Coach.

I can do better than that
for you, Cliff ie.

Will somebody go upstairs
to Melville's, please,

and get this man
a bowl of hot soup?

What happened to the heat,
Coach?

Oh, some minor malfunction
that no one here is skilled enough

to even attempt to fix.

Diane, I resent that.
I'm kind of a handy guy.

I'll have you know just the other day,
I, uh, changed one of them,

- uh, what do you call them?
- A light bulb?

A light bulb.
There you go, Carla.

Why don't you just call in sick?

Oh, no,
I could never do that, Diane.

It's a matter of principle
with me.

I've got to be
on the verge of death

before I take sick leave.

I thought you used it all up
to go to Florida.

You got a problem with that?

Here you go, Cliff ie.

- Oh, thank you, Norm.
- Here's some soup, huh?

- How many letters you got left, huh?
- I don't know, seven or eight.

Hmm, boy, this tastes good.

Hey, you know something?
These are all on my way home.

Let me drop these off for you, Cliff ie.
I got to go home anyway.

Oh, oh, no, you're not trained.
You're not qualified.

What qualified? You drop them in a slot.
A chimp could do it.

Are you kidding? No way.

They did a study
at the University of Michigan.

Chimps were 32% slower.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know,

they were better with customer relations
and everything, but...

Clifford, the man is offering
to do you a favor

out of friendship
for your own good.

Cliff, sounds like you have
two options here. You let me deliver these

or run the risk of... non-delivery--

-livery, -livery, -livery, -livery...

I'll drop these off.

Oh, thank you, Normie.

And just remember,
in those envelopes

are the dreams, hopes,
and fears of the nation.

Yeah, and several
car wash announcements.

Hey, everybody.

Ho, boy, holy cow!
What happened here?

It's warmer up in the mountains,
and we were au naturel.

Hey, Coach, did you, uh,
check the furnace?

It's not the furnace, Sam,
it's that damn vent.

I called the repairman, that old
buddy of mine. He's on his way over.

Oh good. Well, Bambi, it looks like
it's up to you and me

to generate a little heat
for these folks, huh?

Don't bother. We'll just
huddle around a 3-watt light bulb.

Feisty little barmaid.

I took her in off the streets.

She's crude, but devoted.

You know, I had a terrific time.
Thank you.

Thank you, Sam.

- It was the best ski trip I ever had.
- Yeah, me, too.

Did you find any time for skiing?

No, darn it! You know,
somebody stole our skis.

We had to spend
the whole weekend in the lodge.

That's too bad.

Yeah, but when we were
leaving this morning,

they turned up in the rack
on the roof of Sam's car.

Yeah, some kids
must have stolen them

for a... joy ski.

- Disrespectful punks!
- Yeah.

Well, I've got to get going.

- I have to be at BU in half an hour.
- Okay. BU?

That's, uh, Boston University,
isn't it, Bambi?

- Uh-huh, that's right.
- Yeah, where all the smart types hang out.

What are you studying there?

Oh, I'm not studying anything.

I'm going to be part
of a fraternity stunt.

Yeah, she's, uh,

she's tutoring
some of the boys.

Well, in a way...

- Yeah. Ha.
- See you later, Sam.

Yeah, you take care.

Oh, boy, look at that.

Well, I guess I better take a look
at this air duct here, huh?

You know, sometimes
the problem's right over here.

"Bambi"?

Yeah, what's wrong
with that?

Well, I suppose it's better than
Dumbo or Goofy.

Not as appropriate, but...

Coach, can I have
my flashlight, please?

You know, Sam...

I can't help but noticing

that Bambi wasn't
the same little deer

that you left here
with on Friday.

No, I got rid of Cindy.

Hmm.
We weren't compatible.

Really?
What was the problem there?

- Dumb as a post.
- Oh.

With so much in common,

I can't imagine
why you two went awry.

No, I'm serious.

I mean, she just wasn't
my intellectual equal.

You should have told me you were
looking for your intellectual equal.

I could introduce you to something
that's growing on my shower curtain.

Well, thank you, Diane,

but I think I'll wait and see
how Bambi works out.

Well, I guess I've done just about
everything I know what to do here.

You shined a flashlight on it.

Yeah, usually works, too.
Boy, this one's really got me stumped.

Hey, uh, could somebody
go up to Melville's,

get me a little bit more soup?
What about you, Larry?

You're not, uh, doing anything
really important there, are you?

- Yeah, yeah, all right.
- Yeah, good man.

Thanks a lot.

I suppose you want some crackers?

Uh, well, those low-sodium kind,
all right?

- What's he doing in my office?
- Sam, the guy is sick as a dog.

Oh, yeah, actually, Coach,
I'm, you know, I'm not so bad now.

I could probably sit up at the bar there,
let Larry bring dinner down to me.

Cliff Clavin?

Oh, uh, yeah, officer.
Uh, what's the trouble?

You know a Norm Peterson?

Yeah.
Yeah, well, what is it?

Uh, we have him
down at the station.

We've arrested him
for mail theft.

Oh, no, no, no, no,
you made a mistake there, officer.

No, no, there's no mistake.
We caught him red-handed,

messing with the mailboxes on your route.
He had a, uh, handful of letters

- and he said he was delivering them for you.
- Yeah, I asked him to.

- You asked him to?
- Yeah.

Well, uh, you're
out of a job, fella.

Oh, uh, excuse me, officer, uh,
you interrupted me before I finished.

See, I asked him
to quit following me.

I mean, the guy, I had him pegged
as a sociopath right away.

See, he's a frustrated mailman,
uh, we call it "postal envy."

Yeah, so...

uh, so anything, uh, serious
going to happen to this ne'er-do-well?

Not serious enough.

Yeah, whew, damn it.
I rue the day they outlawed flogging.

- Bleeding hearts.
- Oh, ooh, yeah.

So, uh, how well
do you know this guy?

Well, you know, we, uh, talk
every now and then.

- He's a portly guy, isn't he?
- Full-size.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, uh, what actually is going to happen
to this, uh, Patterson fella?

- Peterson.
- Excuse me.

Officer, I'm the owner of the bar here.
Sam Malone. Uh, is there a problem?

- No.
- Oh, no, no, some guy

tried to implicate this letter carrier here
in a mail theft on his route.

Crazy, huh?

You're kidding me. Mail theft?

That's ridiculous.
I've known Cliff for years.

He wouldn't be involved
in something like that.

Yeah, you're a fine bartender, Sammy.

You, sir, are sure
one of Boston's finest.

Well, thanks.
We just had to check out the story.

Well, and check it out
you did.

By the way,
the Federal government appreciates

the cooperation of you local boys.

Let's just hope our penal system
can rehabilitate the wretch.

Thank you, officer.

Can you believe that?
Hey, guys, did you hear that?

Yeah, Sammy, what do you say
we go shoot some stick, huh?

Sure, why not? Yeah, they arrested
some guy on Cliff's route for mail theft.

You want eight-ball or straight pool
or your choice--

Wait a minute!
Norman was finishing your route.

- Clifford?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? Norm?

- Well...
- You mean that they arrested Norm?

- You didn't straighten the cop out?
- Well, not exactly.

- It's a little bit complicated.
- So, Sam, you want to break, you want me--

Clifford, get back here!

Oh, look, isn't it obvious
what I did here?

Yeah, it's obvious what you've done.

You've run your best friend Norm
up the river.

We're in trouble here.
My job's hanging by a thread.

Yeah, Norm's in jail anyway.

Just leave him there
a little while longer while I figure out

what's the best thing to do
for all concerned here. Norm'll be okay.

Hey, you know,
Norm isn't at some party, you know?

I mean, by now, he's probably had
all his valuables taken,

been strip-searched,
been deloused,

and thrown into some dark, cold cell
with a sex-starved pervert.

So? That's how he describes
a typical evening at home.

Hey, hey, hey,
Clifford! come on!

The reason I called you, sir
is because I'm looking for an attorney

that specializes
in criminal, federal offenses.

Yeah, you're going to be defending
the best friend I have in the entire world

and money is no object.

How much?
For one guy?

Stick your writ in your briefs,
you ambulance chaser.

Oh, let's let some young,
hungry public defender

make a name for himself
on this one, all right?

Look, I wish you'd see this
through my eyes.

I'd like to see this
through your eyes.

Oh, come on, Carla.

Norm's such a sweet,
cuddly guy.

Ah, the jury'll take one look
into his sad eyes

and there's no way
they're going to fry him,

whereas my whole career
could hang in the balance.

I'd like to see you
hang in the balance.

Yeah, I notice a certain re-occurring theme
in your comments here, Carla.

Look, Norm was doing you
a favor.

You don't even know if you're going to get
into trouble, Cliff ie.

Come on, will you get off my back?
All right, look,

if this is what I got to do, I'll do
the gutsy thing and call the post office

and get Norm out of there.

I'll just call them and, uh, tell them
it was the O'Hara kid.

Yeah, yeah, he wouldn't mind spending
some time in jail, if you get my drift.

Hey, hey, where's
your sense of humor?

If Norm was here,
he'd be laughing.

If Norm was here, he'd be tearing out
your tonsils and feeding them to you.

Yeah, and laughing.

All right, look,
I'll call and see what the penalty is,

but it's got to be anonymous.

Okay, everybody in favor
of Cliff calling, raise your hand.

It's anonymous.

Not even an extension.

Yeah, it's just what
I wanted to hear.

Oh, how'd you
make out, Sam?

Lousy.

They won't let Norm go

unless the post office
drops charges,

which means Cliff's going
to have to tell the truth.

I got to talk to him.

- He's on the phone now.
- Confessing?

Nah, no. He's, uh, finding out
what would happen if he did.

Meantime, you got
some other problems.

What, what? Uh, the furnace guy
didn't show up?

No, no, and we decided
somebody should

climb into the duct
and try to open it.

- Who?
- The skinniest person we could think of.

Hah! You're kidding me!
Diane actually agreed

- to crawl around in the air ducts?
- She had to.

She'd been shooting her face off
about it all day.

- Where is she now?
- I'm beneath you, Sam.

Oh, I always knew that, but...

Oh! My goodness!

Well, looky here!

- How about that?
- I'm glad you find this amusing.

Well, what're you doing
down there, huh?

Aerobics, you idiot.

Well, why don't you get out of there,
silly, so I can fix it?

I can't crawl any farther and my clothes
are snagged on something,

so I can't back up.
I'm stuck right here.

Okay, egg-toss fans,
step right up.

Hit the geek and win a beer!

Three eggs for a nickel.

Sam, aren't you
going to step in here?

You bet your booties I am.
I only got a dime here,

- so give me six, Carla.
- Sam, please!

Oh, Carla, how could you
suggest such a thing?

Terrible.

Tell you what I'll do,

I'll go down in the basement
and see if I can get you out, all right?

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

- Oh, Sam?
- Yeah?

Will you put the grate back, please?
Someone almost stepped on my face...

with the cutest
little satin pumps.

- Ooh.
- Thanks.

- S'all right?
- S'all right.

Well, my supervisor confirmed
exactly what I had suspected all along.

That he hired you as a token weenie?

No, he told me that a courier who
lets somebody else deliver his mail for him

could face a hearing where,
depending on his prior record,

he could be suspended
or even relieved from duty.

- What about Norm?
- Carla, look, you know as well as I do,

Normie's got no previous record.

They'll just give him a, uh,
suspended sentence and a sharp reprimand.

Oh, damn it, Cliff, you're wrong.
You know you're wrong.

You should be ashamed
of yourself.

Coach is right, Clifford.

You don't deserve to have a friend
like Norman if you let him down now.

Yeah.

So, either you go in there
and straighten this out, or we will.

Yeah, and we're never going to let you
show your face in here again.

All right,
all right.

I'll call my supervisor and explain
the whole thing first thing in the morning.

- Now!
- Now Clifford!

All right. Now.

I'll go explain
the whole thing now.

I want you all to know that this
is going to mean the end for me.

Yeah, I'll...
I'll be a civilian,

one of the crowd.

There's a lot of things
I'm going to miss, too...

free mucilage, the twine,

the "open with care" labels

we used to stick on our flies
at the Christmas party...

the uniform, the respect.

Yeah, I'm leaving here
a mailman.

I'm coming back a nobody.

Diane, I can't get to you.

The opening
to the air duct is too small.

Oh...

Coach, call the furnace man, please,
and tell him it's an emergency.

I already called him again,
honey, this evening.

He said he might not
make it at all.

Sam, do something.

I will, sweetheart,
I know somebody else I can call.

But listen, I mean this,
if you say the word,

I don't care the cost,

I will rip this floor up
to get you out of there.

Oh, do it, Sam, please.

That's not the word.

Swine!

No, no, you're getting colder.

Come on, now, sweetheart,
open up.

Mm-mm.

Come on, darling, you don't know
how long you're going to be in there,

and you got to stay warm.

- Sam, I--
- Whoop, there you go!

Oh, I'm sorry.

You know, Diane,
the important thing here

is just to relax and stay calm.
Just remember, rats sense fear.

Carla!

Here you go, darling.
Here you go.

How's that, huh?

Sam, I'm not hungry,
and I'm not cold.

I just want to get out of here.

I know, sweetheart. The guy I called
said he'll be here in a minute.

Say...

Just on the off chance

that the guy's not able
to get you out of there,

don't you think
you'd feel better

if you were
to declare your love for me now

while you still have the chance?

You're right, Sam.

What'd you say?

- What?
- Let go!

Let go! Let go! Come on, let--

Yeow!

Well, she said she loves me,
always has, always will.

You're off the clock,
sweetheart.

Only a dollar?

No, no,
it's happy hour.

It's only 50 cents.

Oh, okay.

Pucker up, baby.

Hold it, hold it,
hold it!

Just go sit down, pal,
go sit down.

How could you
do that?

It's all right, Sammy.
He had all his shots in the army.

Great news, everybody.

Because of my spotless record,

I only received
a 30-day suspension. Whoo!

Well, what about Norm?
Is he getting out?

My supervisor
already called the cops.

So, you see,
virtue triumphs again.

Set them up, Sammy.
Drinks are on me.

Well, I guess
I got to give you credit.

- I know that wasn't an easy thing to do.
- Well, thank you, Sammy.

- Say, Cliff ie?
- Huh?

What do you suppose
is going to happen

when the big guy
walks through that door?

Well, I think our attitude should be
that he's paid his debt to society.

I mean, let him
start a new life, I say.

That's not exactly
what Carla had in mind, Cliff.

He's going to be
plenty sore at you, Cliff-o.

Yeah, I suppose he is, Coach,
and perhaps justly so.

Perhaps?

Oh, yeah, underneath that anger
is going to be love and understanding.

You see, uh, we go back
a long way, he and I.

When that big fella comes in,
I'm just going to go up to him,

admit my error, and, uh,
ask for his forgiveness.

Here comes Norm now.

Ah, good.

If I know him,

his, uh, understanding
will not long be withheld.

Oh!

Okay, come on, you guys!

No, no, no, no!

Whoops!

- Come on, come on, come on!
- I'll kill him!

But first I want to
hurt him a whole lot!

Take him over there,
will you?

- Take it easy.
- Get him out of here, Sam!

Out of this bar,
out of my life forever!

Okay, all right, Normie,
look, I'll go,

but I want you to remember one thing.
I took a chance for you.

I confessed
and got you out of jail.

I wouldn't have been in jail
if it wasn't for you!

All right,
I'm sorry about that, Normie,

I'm really sorry,
but try and understand.

Your job's just a job,

but being a mailman's
my whole identity.

I risked my whole world,
my entire life,

to buy your freedom...
be-- because I love you, Norm.

Oh, come on, Norm,
isn't there something Cliff can do?

Norman? He's right.

What is your heart
telling you?

Never mind.
It's a long story.

Goodbye, Norm.

All right, all right,
wait, Cliff ie, wait.

I guess we have
been friends a long time.

And... you are,
by nature, a weasel.

Well, there's something
you can do for me, I guess.

You can buy me
a beer...

Aww...

...With your pants
around your ankles.

Oh, you can't
be serious, Norm.

Ankles, Cliff ie.

Standing on that stool...

while barking like a seal.

Let's not stay.
There'll be a cover charge.