All language subtitles for Cheers.S03E12.A.Ditch.in.Time.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Hey, Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Good afternoon, everybody.

Norm!

What'll you have, Normie?

Uh, a 1929 Lafitte Rothschild,
Coach.

Or a beer,

whatever everyone else
is having.

Hey, uh, Norm,
we haven't heard much lately

about your quest to sire an heir
for the old throne there.

So how goeth the baby making?

Not good.

Vera thinks it's my fault
she's not pregnant.

Says I'm not trying
hard enough.

Well, I, uh, hope before you answered
intemperately, Norm,

you took into account her frustration
and the old maternal instinct department.

Oh, I said,
"Drop dead in a ditch."

Perfect.

I used to think that sleeping was
the greatest pleasure you could have in bed.

Now I'm sure of it.

Hey, Norm, what's the matter?

Don't you like
having sex with your wife?

We're not exactly what each other wants
in a sexual partner, you know?

Well, for example, she wishes
I looked a little more like...

Charles Bronson.

And, uh...

Well, I wish she looked
a little less like Charles Bronson.

Carla, tell me what you think about
this new cologne of mine.

What do you think?

I like it.

When will I be able
to see again?

Thank you very much, Carla.

You got some customers
waiting for you over there.

Right away.

Someone want to lead me to them,
please?

White wine, please.

White wine.

Uh, Coach, I'll handle this one.

I hope this is not going
to embarrass you too much,

but I just got to tell you
you have the most beautiful eyes

I have ever seen.

Well, I kind of get flustered,
but it's nice to hear.

If I were to tell you
you had a beautiful body,

would you hold it against me?

Gee, even I've heard that one.

I don't seem to be doing too well
with my patter here tonight.

Maybe I ought to just rely
on my looks.

Have you seen this one?

Oh, you.

I guess I'm just a sucker
for sophistication.

Well, now that I've charmed
your socks off,

you want to go out to dinner
with me tonight?

You know a place
where they don't require socks?

I bet I could find one.

So what do you say, shall we?

I can't leave just yet.

I came by to see somebody.

Ah, who?

Amanda?

Diane!

Hi!

So you two,
uh, know each other, huh?

Nothing gets by this guy.

Sam, this is my friend
Amanda Boyer.

Amanda, this is my friend,
Sam Malone.

Well, uh, you're going to have
to excuse us here.

I think we're on our way out
to dinner.

Actually, I came by
to see you.

You want to have lunch
sometime?

Lunch sometime...

Are you two
going out together?

Oh, you're pretty sharp yourself there,
Diane.

Before you do, could I speak with you
about a problem, Sam?

Trouble in the back room.

You're not going to talk about me,
are you?

Oh, don't be silly.

That woman's a mess.

Don't go out with her.

Why not?

Well, I can't tell you now.

Just trust me for once.

Well, you're going to have
to give me some kind of hint.

I really can't say anything.

Oh, I can't believe
you're so blatantly jealous.

You still can't stand the sight of me
with another woman, huh?

My heart goes out to any living creature
in your company.

You know, one of these days
you're going to wise up and realize

that if you want a chance
of getting back together with me,

you're going to have to start
talking a little nicer.

Sam?

You are an unmitigated
egomaniac.

Too little, too late.

Good night.

You know, Normie,
I was just thinking.

When you and Vera
do have the baby,

you're going to have to
give the kid a name, right?

Yeah, we're toying with the idea
of naming it.

Well, when it comes time
to name the baby,

you should consider Barry.

Why? What's so special about Barry?

Well, he's a whiz with names, Cliff.
He gave me my nickname.

"Coach?"

What?

Never mind.

Uh, as I was saying, Norm,
Barry gave me my nickname Coach.

Gee, that was inventive.

You were a coach,
so he called you "Coach."

You know, you're probably right,
Larry,

because I always thought
he gave me the name

because I never flew
first class.

We're not going to need
Barry's help, Coach.

We already have a whole list
of names to fight over.

We're going to wait now
till the baby's born

and fight over boy names
or girl names.

Well, Norm, you don't have to wait
till the baby's born,

to figure out a name,
if you use, you know, sonar.

Oh, yeah,
Sonar's a beautiful name.

Hey, everybody!

Sam.

Well, what happened?

That was an awfully long dinner.

Oh, this is pitiful,

you wearing your heart
on your sleeve like that.

How did you and Amanda
get along?

Well, she's okay,
I guess.

Not triple-A,
but the food was good,

and, uh, she's got
pretty good table manners.

High praise from a man

who thinks mashed potatoes
are finger food.

So, you didn't
make any plans

to see each other
again?

Oh, you know, I like it

when a woman is hot for me,
but this is ridiculous.

It's none of your business,
but if you must know, yeah,

I was thinking
about calling her again.

Oh, no.

Oh, I wish Frasier weren't
at that nerve-ending symposium.

Well, I guess
I have to tell you the truth.

Amanda and I became friends
at... a place.

Ooh, that's pretty fascinating.

You're going to have
to fill me in on that later.

The place was Goldenbrook.

The booby hatch?

No, she looks so normal.

What, were you guys cellmates
or something?

There are no cells
at Goldenbrook.

I was there of my own volition,

as were a lot of other normal people
who just needed a little time to rest

and sort out their feelings
under constant psychiatric supervision.

Oh, I shouldn't even
be talking to you.

Maybe I'm being an alarmist.

She wouldn't be out if she still
had problems.

You're out.

What exactly is wrong
with that kid?

Oh, I didn't want to tell you

because we were
in group therapy together

and I didn't want
to violate her confidence.

I guess I have to tell you now.

Please don't ever
tell another living soul.

No.

Amanda is obsessive with men.

Oh, my God! No.

Wait a second,
wait a second.

What does that mean,
exactly?

She likes men a lot?

When she decides
that she wants a man,

she develops an excessive preoccupation
and possessiveness

and becomes totally irrational.

Oh, you mean kind of
like you... land a.

"Youlanda" Johnson.

You don't know her.
Very obsessive woman.

She is nothing like "Youlanda."

Whatever.

Listen, I wasn't thinking about it,
but if I ever do go out with her again,

the first sign of trouble,
I'll back off.

Okay?

Wait a second, um,

what's an example
of obsessive behavior?

Mom, Dad, there he is,

the man I'm going to marry.

This is an example.

Sam, these are my parents,
Mona and Todd.

Hello, Sam.

We've heard so much
about you.

When?

Oh, on the drive
over here.

It was a long drive.

I feel
like I know you.

Oh, Daddy, stop it.

Mom and Dad came by to visit me
and I thought it'd be nice for them

to meet you.

Amanda, can I have
a word with you in private?

Hi, Amanda.
Mona, Todd.

Sam, I need to talk to you
about the inventory.

We'll be right back.

That girl looks familiar.

Is she the one
I met on Basket Day?

What were you going to do
when I interrupted?

I was going to get rid of her
before this gets serious.

Sammy, better get out there.

She's picking out silver patterns
with her parents.

Yeah, yeah, look, and tell them
Fleur-des-lis are passé, huh?

They won't listen to me.

We're trying to have
a private conversation.

We're not trying
to be nosy, I swear.

Just go on about your business.

Oh, very well.

You can't give her
some standard prearranged speech

you have for dumping women.

I do not have this standard
prearranged speech for dumping women.

Come on.

Every situation is different.

For example, now,
the speech I dumped you with

would be totally inappropriate.

I don't think you dumped me.

Oh, you see?
That was the beauty of it.

Come on, give me credit,
will you,

for knowing that I couldn't possibly
have one speech for every situation.

Yeah, he's got six.

Yeah, Sammy, I think this one calls
for number three.

"It's times like these,
I'm ashamed to be a man."

Get out!

Well, let's wait
a minute here, Diane.

Sam's a very close
personal friend.

He's in a crisis now,
and I just don't think it...

Okay, have a couple of beers
on me.

Okay.

Sammy, you know where to find us
if you need any help.

Oh, boy.

Sam...

That woman out there
is very vulnerable.

Whatever you say to her
has to be sensitive and real.

Otherwise the consequence
could be horrendous.

What do you mean by that?

Well, she could do something
ghastly again.

You don't mean--

Yes, she could try to kill herself.

Oh, thank God.

I thought I was in danger there.

No, no, I...
that's not what I meant.

You're making me
a nervous wreck here.

Just tell me what to say to her
so she doesn't hurt herself,

and I'll say it.

Well, I wish I knew.

- Come on, come on, come on.
- Well, she'll--

She'll try to manipulate you.

- Okay.
- Be strong. Don't waiver.

And ease into the rejection
gently.

Okay, you think that'll work?

Well, if not,
have a nice honeymoon.

Hi.

I'm sorry to keep you
and your folks waiting.

That's okay.

They like you a lot.

You make a wonderful
first impression.

Well, it's my best one.

Amanda, I...

Please,
please don't dump me.

Please, Sam, please.

Give me another chance.

I shouldn't have brought my parents.

That was just stupid
and impulsive of me,

and I don't even like them.

I'm going to get rid of them.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait.

I... was just going to say

I wonder if they would like
to have a drink.

Well, uh, no, thank you,
they don't drink.

But thank you
for thinking of them.

You're welcome.

Then I was going
to say--

No, no!

- Please, Sam, please...
- Would you just please, please,

just let me finish
what I was going to say

before you jump to conclusions?

Now, just, just sit down
and don't say anything.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Amanda...

I like you
and I respect you too much

not to be honest.

Now, I'm sorry if I misled you,

but I just don't want
to pursue this relationship.

Ooh, I'm so embarrassed...

and ashamed...

and tired.

Oh, I'm very tired.

I'm sorry, Sam, for everything.

Goodbye, Sam.

Are you... are you all right?

Oh, sure.

It-- it-- it's my fault.

You are such a nice guy.

Please don't blame yourself
for anything that has ever happened.

Or anything
that's going to happen.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a second here now.

What do you mean
by that?

Sam, you don't have
to worry about me anymore.

Remember?

We're through.

Oh, but, I didn't mean the bad through,
I meant the good through.

What's the good through?

Well, that's where we would--

We would go out to dinner
right now

and then maybe have a drive
down the Cape

and, uh, maybe even
see each other tomorrow, huh?

The Cape would be pretty
tonight.

I'd like that, Sam.

Well, there. You see how fun
through can be?

I'll get my parents

and we'll drop them off
at some bus stop.

Well, uh...

You have another date with her,
right?

Well, no, I wouldn't call it
exactly a date.

It's more like
a lifetime commitment.

My goodness, Norman,
you and Vera have compiled

quite an extensive list
of baby names, huh?

Yeah, yeah, we think up names
when we make love.

It kind of helps
to pass the time.

May I suggest that you add
one more to the boys' list?

My favorite
has always been Toby.

Toby?

Why don't you just name him
"Precious" or "Pumpkin Pie"

and be done with it?

You know, my ex-
may not be a class act,

but he's got a first-rate
male name, Nick.

Yeah, well,
it's on the list here.

- Nick.
- Oh, good.

Uh, you ought to have Sam
down there.

Sam's here, Coach,
right next to Ernie.

Oh, thank you, Norm.

Well, it looks, uh,
it looks like my buddy's

got all the bases covered,
uh, here, huh?

Yeah.

Where's, uh,
where's my name?

What?

Clifford.
Where's Clifford?

Come on, name a kid Cliff?

I should...
have a heart.

Hey, look, Norm, you got every other
male name down there

except, uh, Zeus.

Zeus?
I like that, Zeus.

Oh, hey, Diane, you're back.
Good.

I think you might be interested to know
I finally handled

that sticky situation with Amanda
and I did it in a way

that'll make you very proud of me.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Ooh, got to go.

Diane...

I know that Sam

would not have wanted
a big fuss,

but shouldn't we have
some sort of funeral for him?

Good lord.

Amanda, I think we better
straighten this out.

Sam!

Sam, open the door.
We have to talk.

Has the freak show
gone yet?

Oh, hi...

we haven't been
introduced yet.

I'm Ed, Sam's twin brother.

I'm here to handle
the estate.

Oh, boy.

Twin brother. What a trick, huh?

That's why he's the boss.

I can't believe
you did this to me, Sam.

I'm sorry, Amanda.

I know it was stupid and cruel.

I could
have handled it better.

I guess I could have
pretended to be sick for a few days first.

You don't have
to apologize, Sam.

I do.

I put you in a terrible spot.

Amanda...

don't despair.

Just when my life seemed
to be its darkest,

I met Frasier Crane,

and discovered love
doesn't have to hurt you.

Yeah, you can sleep
right through it.

I made a lot of mistakes
here, Sam.

And I have a history
of being wrong about men...

But I know it's different
this time with you.

No matter what happens,

I'll never stop loving you
till the day I die,

you'll always be mine.

Well, this is going pretty well,
wouldn't you say?

Amanda,
I didn't want to do this,

but I have to tell you
something now

that will change the way
you feel about Sam.

Nothing you could ever say

will change the way
I feel about him.

Except this.

Except nothing.

No matter what you ever do,

no matter where you ever go,

I'll never get over you.

Amanda, do you remember
the man I used to talk about

in group therapy?

Ralph?

This is Ralph.

Sam is Ralph?

That's right.

The man to whom you
just pledged your undying love

is Ralph.

Well, he can't hold me to that.

If they won't let me sign contracts
or have a credit card or vote,

then I am not responsible
for hysterical hogwash that I babbled

in the back room
of a bar.

Thank you
for saving me, Diane.

Sam...

I will think of you...

every time I see something
scurry under the sink.

I don't mean
to seem ungrateful...

but what exactly did you say about me
in this group therapy?

I told them the truth.

For instance?

Oh, I don't want
to get into this.

I made a lot of mistakes myself.

I was not a perfect girlfriend.

No, come on, come on,

I want to know what lousy things
these people know about me.

I told them about Christmas.

That again?

Come on, what is wrong
with giving steak knives?

I give them to my mother
and she loves them.

I give them to you
and I never hear the end of it.

Sam, for heaven's sake,
I was your lover.

You could have given me
something more personal.

Oh, what did you give me
for Christmas?

A scarf.
What's so personable about that?

I knit it myself.

And I had to take classes
to learn how.

I sent away for the cashmere
months in advance

just to get that particular grade.

I consulted a colorist
to determine the best colors for you

and I hand-dyed
the fabric myself.

Yeah, well, I would have
made the steak knives,

except I hocked my forge
to buy the bar.

What else?

I told them about the time
I was laid up with the flu

and you didn't visit me once.

- That...
- And you sent me

secondhand flowers
for Valentine's Day.

Well, that--
I was nowhere near...

You want to hear this
or not?

I told them about
the time I cooked you

a seven-course Szechuan dinner
for your birthday

and you had a burger
on the way over.

I remember that,
and there was an explanation.

I just can't remember
what it was.

And the time you lied
about a relative dying

so you could go skiing
and debauching with your buddies.

You still don't see the humor
in that?

I wanted to spend
the day with you

after our first night together
and you went to a football game.

Well, it wasn't a football game.

I mean, the winners
went to the play-offs.

Oh, just forget it!

I'm sorry.

What?

I'm sorry.

I did the best I could
when I was with you.

I mean, you're right, I have blind spots

and I'm not
a very good boyfriend,

but I have never tried harder
with any woman in my life.

I mean, we had some bad times,

but I tell you,
the good times with you

were some of the best
of my life.

That's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.

- Diane, I...
- No, Sam, stop.

I want to get out of here

before you say something stupid
that ruins it.

No, no, no, no...

No, no, no, no,
now, stop.

Don't ruin it.

I'm not going to ruin it.
All I want--

Oh, yeah,
that would have ruined it.

Oh, would it ever!