All language subtitles for Cheers.S03E04.Fairy.Tales.Can.Come.True.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

"...and his eyes had
all the seeming of the demons

that is dreaming.

And the lamplight o'er him streaming
throws his shadow on the floor.

And my soul from out that shadow
that lies floating on the floor,

shall be lifted... never more."

Oh, boy, Doc,
you tell great stories.

That was Poe.

Don't be modest.
It was great.

So, who's next to chill us
with a scary story, huh?

Well, I think
I have a chilling tale.

Yeah, but it's cute
when you wiggle it.

I'm sorry.

I got the greatest
ghost story ever told.

Now, it seems that
Casper got caught

in this huge laundry basket
full of sheets--

Don't finish it, Coach.

Some of us want
to be able to sleep tonight.

Yeah, you're right, Carla.

It's best that
I live with it myself.

My God, what a horrible sight.

Speaking of horrible sights,
Coach, take a look at...

- this!
- Ahh!

Two vodka, rocks
with a twist.

Well, Frasier...

didn't I tell you that Halloween
at Cheers would be fun?

Yes, but I won't
hold it against you.

Listen, I was able to get
those two tickets

to the Boston Pops
tomorrow night.

Oh, wonderful!

Oh, you guys are going'
to the Boston Pops, huh?

Ooh, I'm jealous.

You sound like a fan, Sam.

Oh, yeah.

Actually, the Boston Pops
was the one cultural event,

albeit heavily sugarcoated,

that Sam genuinely liked.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I especially like the, uh,
"18-somethingth Overture."

1812.

Hey, you really know
your stuff.

Yeah.

You know, till Diane dragged me
to that concert,

I never realized just how many years
of practice and dedication

it takes to become
a classical musician.

Well, anyone in particular
impress you?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
The, uh, guy on the cannons.

He's incredible.

You know...

I mean, I actually thought
about taking it up myself,

but I think
it's one of those things

that you have to...

you have to start
when you're very, very young.

Yes.

They say to be truly great,
you do, yes.

Yeah, that's
what I thought.

You know, sometimes I think

that Sam is actually pretending
to be less intelligent

than he really is.

But how intelligent
would someone have to be

to successfully pretend
to be that dumb?

Boy, I'm not even sure
that I could pull it off.

Oh, yes you could.

Ew, yuck!

I'm sorry, Carla,
if we offended you

with our public display
of affection,

but try
to understand.

Frasier Crane has the same effect on me
that cheap Chianti

and dice hanging from
a rear view mirror have on you.

Boy, you got it bad.

Hello, everyone,
and a happy All Hallows' Eve.

Guess who I am.

Cliff Clavin.

No, Coach,
let me give you a hint.

I went to Florida
to find the Fountain of Youth.

Cliff Clavin.

Oh, Coach, I'm Ponce de León.

Well, I think
your ears are too big.

Oh, for Ponce de León?

No, for you, Cliff ie.

Oh, I don't know, Coach.

I happen to be very proud
of my big ears.

I mean a lot of women
consider them erogenous zones

during heavy petting.

Are you kidding?

You never had a date
in your life.

Yeah, and that's only because
he's never had the guts to ask a girl out.

Guts-- it's got nothing' to do
with guts.

It's just that the type of woman
you find up here

in the northeastern seaboard
bore me.

See, I prefer your southern
belles.

You know, the kind of women
you find down there in Florida.

Oh no, he's going to go on
about Florida again.

Oh, hey, hey, hey,

suffice it to say when I was down there,
I was covered with women.

Sure they weren't
mosquitoes?

Yeah, thank you,
Bob Hopeless.

I think I'll just go in the back
and scope out the dollies.

Why don't you guys
lighten up on Cliff, huh?

Yeah, sorry, Sam,
but you gotta admit

it's a little bit weird,
isn't it?

I mean, he's never
been married.

I've never even seen him
with a woman.

Hey, Norm-- Norm,
he's your best friend.

Is he gay or what?

I can't believe
what I'm hearing!

You can't tell a gay guy
by his appearance.

We had an outfielder on the Red Sox,
Duke Roberts.

I mean, he never got married,
he never went with girls,

he even wore
those fancy Italian shoes.

And he lived with a guy
who was a florist.

And Duke wasn't gay.

Yes, he was, Coach.

He... he was?

You think he'd like
to meet Cliff ie?

Oh, come on.

Come on, guys.

Cliff is not gay,
all right?

He's just shy
around women,

to the point of being
a blithering idiot.

Diane, that was a colleague
of mine on the phone, a Reichian analyst.

He's taken ill.

He wants me
to take his place tomorrow

at an all-day seminar
on multiple personality

at the University of Chicago,

so I've gotta go home
and pack.

We won't be able
to go to the concert.

Well, I won't,
but you can still go.

Listen, uh, take along a friend
and, well, Sam indicated some interest.

Sam?

I think I could find
more stimulating company

for the concert.

I wouldn't have to look any farther
than the nearest petri dish.

But, once again,
I am startled by how far you are

above petty emotion
like jealousy.

Well, I just figured
it was time

Sam learned to appreciate
instruments without fuses.

Goodbye,
my tiny Alice.

Mmm, goodbye,
my mad Mad Hatter.

Well, there are many theories

as to why the Florida orange
is far superior

to its California counterpart.

Now I personally think
it's the trace mineral element

in the Floridian water.

That's obviously due
to the frequency of the typhoons

and the nitrogen-rich
alligator guano.

- Now, furthermore, there's three point...
- Say...

I just remembered
I left my oven on.

If I hurry home,
I can stick my head in it.

Florida oranges are delicious.

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

Have you, uh, been
to Florida?

No, but it's always been
a crazy dream of mine to go.

I read that they have

the world's largest pair
of alligator shoes there.

That's right! In Orlando!

I even sat in one of them.

Yeah. Yeah.

What's your name?

Tinker Bell.
What's yours?

Me? Uh, I guess
it's Ponce de León.

Oh, the Fountain of Youth guy
that discovered Florida.

Would you marry me
and bear my children?

Say, would you like
to go in the back

and maybe play some pool?

Or as they say in Tallahassee,
shoot some pocket billiards?

Oh, I'd love to, Mr. León.

Oh, please, call me Ponce.

It looks like you're out
to conquer new territory, Ponce.

Holy God!

Oh, did anyone ever tell you
you dance divinely, Ponce?

Well, yeah, someone did
mention it to me the other day.

See, was that Cortés
or Pizarro?

Sam, I'm ready to go.
Would you hand me my purse.

I'll put a new tune
on the jukebox.

I'm not using a pair of tickets
tomorrow for the Boston Pops...

And you're welcome to have them
if you're interested.

Uh, no, no,
no thank you.

Oh, you'll enjoy it!

The program is an evening
filled with fireworks

and laser beams,

occasionally interrupted
with the music of Gershwin.

Ah, oh, boy,

I just can't think
of who I'd take.

Most of the women I date

don't like music
they can't dance to.

Most of the women you date
don't like music they can't shed clothing to.

How come you don't
wanna go?

Oh, I do.

But Frasier's out of town,

and I can't think of anyone
I'd like to go with.

I guess, uh, Frasier would
feel uncomfortable

if you and I went, huh?

No, actually, he suggested it.

Well, so, you'd
be uncomfortable, huh?

Not at all.

While you still harbor
tortured longings for me...

the emotions
are so completely unreciprocated

I don't see
why we shouldn't go together.

Then it's a date.

Um, no, not a date.

I mean, not a "date" date.

Well, it's, uh...

what would you call
an evening out with a woman

when you have
absolutely no hope

of physical involvement
whatsoever?

A first.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I guess it's time

I be heading back
to Never-Never Land.

Uh, let me walk you back
to your car--

Oh, no, no, that's okay.
It's right outside here.

But I just want to know, oh...

when we're going
to see each other again.

Actually, we haven't
seen each other at all yet.

Oh, I know!

Let's meet tomorrow night
right here on this very spot as ourselves,

- at 8:00.
- Okay.

And... and...

don't you be
a minute late.

Nice enough young person,
huh, Sam?

Way to go, Cliff ie!

What do you mean,
"Way to go, Cliff ie"?

You know, if I didn't know you,

I'd say that you were
pretty smooth tonight.

Oh, Sam, I think
I resent that a little bit.

Well, that's okay.

You probably just think
you know me a lot better

than you really do, huh?

No, Sam, tonight wasn't really
all that unusual for me.

Come on, Cliff.

No, really, Sam,
it was commonplace, really.

Cliff...

What?

Okay, three, two, one--

Hooray!
I got a date!

- Thank you, Sam.
- Yeah, yeah.

Well, here we are.

Yeah, thank you
for the ride home, and...

and thank you very much
for the concert.

Boy, I tell you, that,
that Gershwin's a genius.

Yeah, the mark
of a great composer--

When the audience leaves
humming your fireworks.

I had a great time.

Me, too.

I haven't had
such a good time since, um...

That's okay.

I know when you stopped
having good times, Diane.

It goes without saying

that I would have had
a better time

if I had gone
with Frasier.

Me, too.

Thanks for
a lovely evening.

By the way...

How did you like
our first outing

with no promise
or threat of sexual encounter?

You're not out that door yet.

Good evening, everybody.

Yeah, hey, uh...

can I have a beer,
please, Coach?

Hey, this one's on me, Coach.

- Oh, thanks, Norm.
- Yeah.

- Cliff ie...
- Thank you, Norm

Ah, yeah...

Well...

Well, what?

Well, last I saw,
you were dancing together.

Yeah, so?

So... you know.

No, Norm,
I don't know.

He wants to know
if you boinked her, you dink.

Oh, good God, Norm.

Now look, don't you know
that psychologists believe

that one night
of meaningless pleasure

can just get in the way
of any kind of long term commitment?

Is that true, Sam?

I rely on it.

She's meeting me here
tonight at eight o'clock.

Eight o'clock.

Cliff, I don't
believe this.

You're meeting a woman
in 15 minutes.

I don't believe
how calm you are.

Oh, hey,
come on, Norm,

don't tell me that you, too,

subscribe to that myth
about my discomfiture with women.

Cliff ie, I was here one night
a woman asked you what time it was.

You swallowed
the lower half of your face.

Well, Norm, obviously
you know nothing about body language.

That gesture is replete
with erotic message.

To a baboon, maybe.

All right, all right,
all right, all right.

I... I admit
that in the past

I've been a little shy around women,

but you know,

I've been thinking' about it

and I don't think
there's been any real reason

for my, uh, you know,
insecurities.

As a matter of fact,
watch this.

Sam?

Lighter.

May I?

Thank you.

Uh, you're very wel...

I mean,
you're welco-- ome.

You're wel...

You're very extremely...

I think he's too damn smooth
for his own good.

No, no, no.

I'm such a wimp.
I'm such a wuss.

I'm such a weenie.

God, am I a dink!

Cliff, I know you're nervous
about meeting a girl,

but this one's different.

You know her already.
You danced with her all night long.

I didn't dance with her, Norm.
Ponce de León danced with her.

No, you danced with her.

No, it wasn't me.
I was just playing a role.

Tonight I'm me.
A middle aged, tongue-tied yutz.

All right, Cliff.

I want you to listen to me
for a minute.

There's been a lot of talk
about you in this bar recently,

and the one who always
winds up defending you is me.

I don't mind.

That's what
best friends are for.

But it's almost 8:00, Cliff ie,

and the one woman in the world
weird enough for you to have a shot at

may be standing
right outside that door.

You blow this,
I don't even wanna look at you.

Ah, stop it, will you, Norm?

Knock it off.

Norm!

Normie!

Okay, I'll go out there.

Thanks.

I love you, big guy!

Give her a try first.

If it, uh,
doesn't work out,

we can talk.

Come on, Cliff ie,
if she comes downstairs now

and sees you standing there,

she's going to know you've
been there for six hours.

I mean, that looks pretty...
pretty desperate.

Yeah, so?

That's the way it is, isn't it?

I mean,
this is what love comes to.

I want to remember this, Sammy.

Somebody take my picture.

Come on, Cliff, come on.

Come on, it's on me.

Sit down.

I guess you're right.

No more illusions
about happiness for me.

I'm just going to sit right here
and drink myself into oblivion.

No, you're not.

You'll just have
two problems that way.

Aw, why'd she
stand me up?

Well, that does it.

From now on, I'm going to let
my grooming and appearance

go right to hell.

And you think the results
will be noticeable?

Thank you, Carla.

I want abuse
piled on me tonight.

Maybe I'll get it through my thick head
that I'm nothing but a loser.

You know what my nickname was
in high school?

No, you never
told us.

That's 'cause
I didn't have one, Coach.

I tried to get one started.

You know,
made it up myself.

Courteous Cliff.

Courteous Cliff?

As long as you were
making it up yourself,

couldn't you have
done a little better?

Eh, I didn't want to
arouse suspicion, Normie.

Ah, you know, I hear there's
a tribe of men in the Middle East

called the, uh, Essenites.

They--
they're entirely celibate.

They live without women,

and rumor has it that they are
the happiest men in the world.

Tomorrow I'm going
to send for their brochure.

Hello, Cheers.

No, there's no
Ponce de León here!

We don't have
Prince Albert in the can!

Why don't you do your homework
and go to bed--

Coach! Coach!

Coach, uh, I think
that might be for me.

Hello?

Yeah, this...

Really?

No, I understand.

Yeah, I-- I understand.

Okay.

All right.

Bye.

Isn't that something'?

She was afraid to meet me
without her mask on.

I actually made a woman nervous.

That's incredible, isn't it?

So, you two going
to get together?

Yeah, she's, uh, at a pay phone
across the street.

She said
she's coming right over.

All right.

Way to go, Cliff ie, yeah?

Well, let's not stand here.

We'll be up here.

Yeah.

Come here.
Okay.

- Thank you, Coach.
- Now, Cliff,

we don't want
to have to eavesdrop,

so keep your
stupid remarks loud.

Hello.

Hi.

I'm Club Clufford.

Sorry.

I'm Cliff Clavin.

I'm Harry O'Share.

Sharon Hair...

I mean, I'm Sharon O'Hare.