All language subtitles for Cheers.S02E18.Snow.Job.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

- Here's your mail.
- Oh, thanks.

I'm afraid they're all bills.

Oh, good. I'll give them to Bill
the moment he comes in.

That's pretty funny.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, hold on there, sport.

- Yeah?
- As you can see,

I'm wearing the colors myself here.

And as a veteran postal carrier,
I can only say

I'm both shocked and dismayed.

- Sir?
- Department policy

regarding a uniform, son,
states in part, and I quote,

"Uniform shirt shall be buttoned
up to and including the second button

from the collar of said shirt,"
unquote.

You're letting us down, son.

I-- I'm sorry, sir.

- I didn't mean any harm.
- It's all right, son.

I was green once too. You'll make it.

- Thank you, sir. I'll try to do better.
- Carry on, son.

- Here's your beer, Cliff.
- Coach.

Cliff?

Say, you're not by any chance
Cliff Clavin?

Sure am. You heard of me?

Your name is kind of a symbol
around our branch office.

Is that right?

Yeah. Well, like, just the other day,
I messed up,

you know, and my supervisor told me
to get my head out of my Clavin.

- Damn.
- What's wrong?

That was Ann Marie's teacher.

Said she's gonna have to
hold her back.

Oh, that's too bad, Carla.

Oh, don't worry about it, Carla.
It's just as bad to skip a grade.

You skipped a grade, Coach?

I skipped four.

"High school," I think they called it.

Well, Carla, I hope being held back
isn't going to be traumatic

for Ann Marie.

No, she's been held back
twice already.

In her class picture,
she looks like Snow White.

Hey, Coach, set me up
with another beer, please.

Where Normie, Carla?

I got a great story to tell him.

Ain't my job to keep tabs
on the walking beer keg.

Besides, who cares
about your stupid story?

Thank you, Carla.

Coach, if you serve that beer
any slower, it's gonna be vinegar

- before I quaff it.
- Oh, didn't I tell you, Cliff?

I'm on the verge of setting
a new monthly record

for fewest glasses broken.

That's great, Coach.
How close are you?

Oh, I just have to make it to midnight
without breaking seven glasses.

Holy Quixote, Coach, there must be

at least four inches of feathers
down there.

Six inches, Cliffo.

You can't be too careful
when you're going for a record.

Boy, Coach, I never thought I'd see
the day you'd be working with a net.

And you never will.

Hi, honey.

So the camel says,
"Pal, you get your own date."

- Evening, everybody.
- Norm.

- Norman.
- What's shaking, Norm?

All four cheeks
and a couple of chins, Coach.

- So, what will it be?
- I'll take a pitcher.

How about you, George?
What do you want?

Hey, Normie,
who's your funny friend here?

Oh, sorry. This is Cliff Clavin.
George Foley.

- George. Pleasure.
- Cliff. How are you?

We ran into each other
down at unemployment.

No kidding. So, what line of work
you out of now, George?

I was a tree surgeon. I had to quit
because I fainted at the sight of sap.

In fact, I'm getting a little woozy
right now.

Yeah, yeah. Very humorous, huh?

Yeah. Hey, Norm, I heard a great joke
down by the sorting machine the--

Cliff ie, can this wait? George claims
he can run the table on me

before I get my cue stick chalked.

Don't suppose you wanna put
your money where your mouth is, big guy.

Tried it once, but the bills got soggy.

I like that guy, Cliff. He's funny.

Coach, the rest of us are laughing
out of pity at the man's ugliness.

He looks like one of those gnarled,
grotesque creatures you might find

in a cave 20 miles
beneath the surface of the sea.

Come to think of it,
he didn't say where he was from.

You know what I hate
about working here?

I know what I hate
about working here,

but it couldn't be the same thing.

- Coach, two vodka rocks.
- Two vodka rocks.

We never get the holidays off.

It's George Washington's
birthday weekend,

and we're all going to be stuck here.

Sam won't.

This is when he goes away
on his ski trip.

What ski trip?

Well, he and his baseball cronies
go up to Vermont

the same week every year.

They rent a chalet, go skiing
and melt a few snow bunnies.

Been doing it for years.

Well, of course
he won't do it this year.

Why not?

Because he's involved
with me now, Carla.

I know. But I still believe
in the old Sam Malone.

I say he's still got some hair
on his butt.

Perhaps, Carla,
your desperate observations

accurately reflect the relationship
between men and women

in the demimonde you inhabit,

but for those of us who no longer
scrape our knuckles on the ground

when we walk...

...your views are incredibly primitive.

Says you.

Oh, Sam, listen--

Sam, what's the matter?

I just got a call from my Aunt Alice
this afternoon.

Uncle Nathan died yesterday.

I'm so sorry.

What a shame, Sam.
Was he sick long?

No, Coach, he was hit by a bus.

Well, that's comforting.

Honey, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to leave right now.

I gotta go to Vermont.
The funeral's up there.

- Did you say Vermont?
- Yeah.

My condolences
in your time of sorrow.

Oh, thank you, Carla.

I was talking to Diane.

- Where in Vermont?
- Stowe.

Stowe.

Isn't that a ski resort?

Yeah, I think there is one
nearby there. Yeah.

Anyway, I gotta leave right now.

I'm gonna be gone
a couple of days, honey.

Oh, this whole thing, I-- I don't know.

Sam, you must've been very close
with your uncle.

Oh, yeah. Very, very close.

Well, I think I should come along.

I should be with you
at a time like this.

Oh, no, no, I don't-- I think it'd just be
too depressing for you, honey.

Anyway, I'm gonna be staying
at my aunt's house,

and she doesn't believe in
unmarried couples sleeping together.

We don't have to sleep together.

Why would you be coming, then?

To support you emotionally
through this tragedy.

Oh, that. You are so sweet,
but I just don't think it's a good idea.

- Oh, Coach.
- Yeah, honey?

Sam says his Uncle Nathan
up in Vermont just died.

Yep, he sure did.

- Do you believe that?
- Well, of course, Diane. I mean,

they wouldn't make funeral
arrangements if the man wasn't dead.

I think they got a test for that.

Hey, Coach, come on.
Why don't you tell Diane the truth.

There is no Uncle Nathan.

Well, right. Sam's accepted it,
so we all have to.

That guy is good.

Made me look like a big dope
out there.

Oh, yeah? What did he do,
turn the lights on?

- What's that supposed to mean, huh?
- Oh, nothing.

Let me tell you that great story
I was gonna--

- Right, right, right.
- Norm.

We gotta get going if we're gonna
catch the opening face-off.

Oh, right. We're going
to the islanders game.

George has Bruin season tickets.
Center ice, man.

Oh, yeah?
Right smack in the middle, huh?

I hope you guys have a good time.
You got plenty to laugh about, right?

Nice to meet you, Cliff.

Yeah, I hope you catch a puck.

In your Clavin.

Okay, honey, I'll call you
in a couple days, okay?

Please convey my sympathy
to your aunt.

Oh, I will. Thank you.
That's very sweet.

Okay, bye-bye.

- Oh, Sam.
- Yeah?

How long were your aunt
and Uncle Nathan married?

How long?

Well, I don't know, 50-- 40, 50 years.

- I don't know.
- My, my, my.

Must be very hard on her.

Oh, yeah. Oh, just imagine.

Okay, I'm off now.

Sam, do you know what the secret
of a long-lasting relationship is?

No, I don't, Diane. But I will
think about it as I drive along.

Okay?

It's honesty, Sam.

Once honesty leaves a relationship,

the relationship is over,
finished, empty.

For example, if one of us
were to lie to the other now,

it would be a crime of the soul,
a death of the spirit.

Our lives would be diminished
beyond redemption.

Diane, this is not one of the world's
great goodbyes here.

Of course. You better go.

Be careful, huh?

There'll probably be
a lot of skiers on the road,

and you know how careless
and insensitive people on their way

to a ski weekend can be.

Okay, okay.

You're hanging
by your fingernails, honey.

He'll be back before last call tonight.

You don't believe her either,
huh, Coach?

No, Carla, I got feathers
in my shoes.

I don't know how a chicken
keeps a straight face.

- Coach, I need a draft.
- One draft coming up.

Oh, careful. The record, Coach.

Carla, the record's in the bag.

I got less than four hours
and five glasses to go.

Yeah, but don't get cocky.

Carla, I can't lose.

I've never broken five glasses
in four hours in my life.

Here, watch this.

Coach, you swept out the feathers.

Carla, feathers are for chickens.

Here.

- All right, you made your point.
- Made my point, Carla?

Watch this.

Coach, you know,
you're only two away now.

Two away, Carla?

Do you know what I think
of two away?

- What?
- It scares the hell out of me.

Hey, Coach, you wanna give me
another drink?

Well, Cliffo...

So, what's your problem,
droopy drawers?

You've been moping around here
all night

like a junior-high-school girl
who just broke up with her steady.

Moping, Carla? I'm not moping.

Just spending a little quiet time
by myself.

That's what a man is:
solitary, strong, independent.

You ever hear
of the lone wolf, Carla?

Lone wolf, c'est moi.

Man alone needing no one.

I touch no one,
and no one touches me.

I'm a rock.

I'm an island.

- Evening, everybody.
- Norm.

- Norman.
- Beer, Normie?

Coach, I don't know.
I had one this week.

What the heck, I'm young.

So who won the hockey game?

Bruins, eight-seven in overtime.

A real yawner, huh?

So where's Rootie Kazootie?

- Who, George?
- Yeah.

Guy turned out to be a real jerk.

He saw some friends of his
at the game, right?

End of the first period, he goes
and sits with them, leaves me there.

Oh, that happens, Norm.

You know,
friend turns against friend.

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, what say,
shoot some pool, huh?

What? You wanna shoot pool
with me?

Hey, everybody, Norm has deigned
to ask me to shoot pool with him.

Oh, Normie. Normie, do I have time
to get down on my knees

and thank the very God I pray to
that you selected me?

Okay, but hurry. I don't have--
We shouldn't lose that table there.

Norm, I just hope I can be

as delightful and effervescent
a companion as you're used to.

Okay, this is, like, sarcasm, right?

Yeah, you're a real tack, Norm.

Cliff ie, I understand how you feel.

You're not second best, pal.
You're aces.

Cliff, I'd be honored if you would
shoot some pool with me. All right?

Come on. Really.

Well...

- Yeah, all right, but--
- Hey, Norm, where were you?

Georgie. My man!

- I looked all over the Garden for you.
- All right. Go, Bruins!

Krushelnyski! The Crowder brothers!

Come on, let's go get a burger.

I know where they have
the best in town.

All right. Scarf city.

George... Yeah, on second thought,
I don't think I'll go.

- You sure, Norm?
- Yeah. Not too hungry.

Okay, Norm, whatever you say.
I'll go alone.

The best burgers in town,
you say, huh?

Absolutely.

Yeah, boy, I'd love a good burger.

Glad to hear it.

You were gonna go with him,
weren't you?

That jerk?

I was just trying to get
his hopes up there, Norm.

So, what do you say we go back there
and shoot some stick, eh?

All right. Only if you do that trick
where you jam the pool cues

up your nostrils
and make like a walrus.

Oh, right, right, yeah.
I got a new twist on it.

I can get the fat ends in there now.
Watch this.

It's true, you know.

The fat end, you say, huh?

Gee, we're almost out of olives.
I wonder if Sam ordered any.

Oh, gee, Coach,
why don't you just ask him?

Why, where's Sam?

Well, I thought that you said
Sam was coming tonight, Diane.

He is, Carla.

He's probably just coming around
the corner right down the stairs

at this moment.

Oh, well, then I should hurry
right over there and greet him.

Open the door for my boss
on his return.

- Hello there, Sam.
- Hi, Carla.

Ski weekend, right?

- What?
- Oh, come on.

I was three miles away
from my aunt's house.

Three miles, and all of a sudden
it came to me.

Ski weekend, huh?
Come on, am I right?

I'm sorry, Sam, I'm a little confused.
What ski weekend?

Oh, come on. Somebody probably
told you that I used to go skiing

with my buddies on this weekend.

Now that you mention it, I believe
Carla said something about that.

I knew it. I knew it.

- Coach, two drafts.
- Two drafts.

And all of a sudden, because of that,
you decide that I'm lying

about my Uncle Nathan, huh?

Well, for a moment there,
I was a trifle suspicious.

That is totally, totally silly, honey.

That ski weekend is part of my past.

Hey, come on, what kind of guy
with a swell chick like yourself

would go fool around?

Anyway, even when I was
on that ski weekend,

I didn't fool around that much.

So even if I were, I wouldn't be
doing it as much as you think,

and I'm not, so it's even less,
or none.

So...

You feel okay now?

I was never not okay.

You weren't? Well, great. Great.

Boy, what a silly misunderstanding
this was, huh?

- Sam.
- What?

There was never
a misunderstanding.

I knew the truth the whole time.

Well, that's great. That's great.
Well, I'm off again.

Okay.

Because if you were going to lie
about this weekend,

you certainly would've come up
with something a lot smarter

than this uncle's-funeral thing.

What do you mean by that?

I could check on it in a minute.

All I'd have to do is call up
the local newspaper

and ask them to check on their
death notices for the last few days.

Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
Everybody knows that.

Okay, well, I gotta skedaddle.

I got a funeral waiting for me.

Don't we all.

Well, slats, you blew it again.

This time, he's gone.

He'll be back within the hour.

Damn tropical drinks.

Gee, Coach, it's too bad
about the record.

Yeah, we were really
pulling for you, Coach.

Yeah, and I came so close.

But don't worry about it, everybody.

I still got a personal record
I'm very proud of.

What's that?

Eleven consecutive days
without starting a major fire.

Diane.

It's almost closing time.

You said that Sam would be back
before closing time.

Damn!

Okay, let's you and me
stop playing games, huh?

Alms. Alms for the dink.

Poor devil.

Hey, would you just leave me alone,
please, all of you?

You know, I was almost all the way
up there this time before it hit me.

You don't believe me. I know it.

You don't believe me, and I think
that is rotten, really rotten.

I--

Sam, I've never seen you like this.
You're acting crazy.

And it's so late now you're even going
to miss your uncle's funeral tomorrow.

Well, just tell me, how do you
expect me to enjoy a funeral

when you're making me nuts
like this, huh?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Like hell you don't.
Every time I walk through that door,

you say something to make me
drive all the way back down.

I've been on that road so many times
they changed the sign

to "Welcome to Vermont, Sam."

What are you accusing me of, Sam?

I'm accusing you of accusing me
of being a liar.

I mean, all that crap
about calling the newspaper.

You just said that
to get me crazy, huh?

I mean, you and I both know that you
wouldn't make that call, would you?

Would you?

You did it! Oh, God,
you called them!

I can't believe that.

Now you know there's no funeral,
there's no Nathan Malone.

God, what a stupid name, Nathan.
I shouldn't have said Nathan.

Sam.

- Sam.
- What?

I didn't call.

- You didn't?
- No.

Well, then I look like an idiot.

No argument there.

Okay. Okay, okay, all right, all right.
I better tell you the truth.

That'd be nice.

Diane,

I work for the government.

What are you talking about?

I am on a top-secret mission
for my country.

You are an idiot.

No, no, that's just my cover.

Well, come on, you've been playing
games with me all day too, huh?

You're right. Don't you think
you deserve it?

Deserve it? You know what--?

You're talking to me
like a mother talks to her child.

Don't you think you've been acting
like a child?

Don't use that tone of voice on me.
I hate that. Don't.

- What tone is that, Sam?
- That one right there.

I hate it.

Okay, fine.

Here's a different tone.

You slime!

- What?
- How dare you lie to me like that!

I had to lie to you. You kidding me?

You made me lie to you.

Okay, all right. All right. Just tell me.

What would you have said
if I said to you,

"Honey, I just wanna go on
a semi-harmless ski weekend

with my buddies"?

That's it.

I've had enough.

I don't care what you do.
I just don't wanna have to look

at your big, flabby face anymore.

You can fool around
with every woman in Vermont.

I don't care.

Is that a fact?
Well, I'll tell you something.

You know, that's exactly,
exactly, what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna go on my ski weekend,
and I'm gonna have every girl in Vermont,

even the bowsers.

Go. By all means, go.

Have all New England, for all I care.

Maybe I'll just do that.

Just mull this over
on your ride up to paradise.

There happens to be
a certain box boy at my market.

A sinewy youth who always wants
to carry my bags,

if you know what I mean.

Perhaps, just perhaps,
I'll go over there tomorrow...

...and not demur at his subtle,
yet oh-so-unequivocal, advances.

Yeah, you do that, Diane.

And I'll try real hard to give a damn.

Holy mackerel,
I forgot to ask him about the olives.

Don't worry.
He'll be back in ten minutes.

I say five, Carla.

Maybe even sooner.

A box boy?