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1
00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:04,296
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,591
Afternoon, everybody.
3
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,468
- Hey.
- Norm!
4
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,386
How's a beer sound, Norm?
5
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:14,264
I don't know, Coach. I usually finish
them before they get a word in.
6
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,602
Hey, Normie, aren't you
a little bit dressed up
7
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,396
just to come in here
and suck on taps all night?
8
00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:24,733
Cliff ie, if you must know,
I have other plans for this evening.
9
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,276
I have a date.
10
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,571
- Who is it?
- I don't know. It's a blind date.
11
00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:31,365
Dangerous, dangerous.
12
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,158
Walking into a minefield there, boy.
13
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:34,743
No, no, no. A friend of mine
set us up.
14
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,162
He assures me
the woman's perfect for me.
15
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,413
That's what they all say.
16
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:41,083
Let me guess. Said she
had good table manners,
17
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,585
great personality
and excellent posture, right?
18
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:46,505
Sure, they always make it sound good.
19
00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:51,385
As a matter of fact, Cliff ie, he told me
that she was easy on the eyes.
20
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,346
You're a dead man, Norm.
21
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:13,634
- Hey.
- Where do you want it?
22
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,928
Want what? Hey, wait. Wait a second.
I didn't order that.
23
00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:20,015
- Cheers, right?
- Yeah.
24
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,393
Coach, did you buy this?
25
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,687
No, not me, Sam.
26
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,898
You got your name
here on the invoice.
27
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,733
Well, it's gotta be some kind
of mistake.
28
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:30,984
Why would I buy a crate?
29
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:36,573
It's an antique scale, Coach.
30
00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,533
Yeah, I bought the scale, Sam.
31
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:42,412
But, gee, now that I look at it,
I'm kind of disappointed.
32
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,207
Mister, we're in a hurry.
Can you sign it?
33
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,460
Yeah. Coach, why'd you do this?
34
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,961
I've told you 100 times,
35
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:53,340
please, don't buy anything for the bar
without checking with me first.
36
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:57,594
Gee, I'm sorry, Sam. That salesman,
I just couldn't resist him.
37
00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,763
I mean, he had a way about him.
38
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,390
One of those fast-talkers?
39
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:05,936
No, no, no. He was a big tall,
skinny guy, you know, with a beard.
40
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:09,356
He reminded me of somebody
in history, a president.
41
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,400
The guy who freed the slaves?
42
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,360
- Abraham Lincoln?
- That's it.
43
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:16,071
Only this guy, he wasn't nice at all.
44
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:17,948
As a matter of fact,
45
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:22,285
he was kind of mean. He reminded
me of that little guy in Germany
46
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,996
with the mustache, World War ll.
47
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,748
Adolf Hitler?
48
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,919
Boy, don't play trivia with this guy.
49
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:34,423
Coach, you mean this guy was a cross
between Abraham Lincoln and Hitler?
50
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:38,343
Normie, I don't know. I just wanna
tell you, he was strange, Normie.
51
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:42,180
He was all dressed in black,
and his eyes shined like coals.
52
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,809
And he had this deep voice,
see? And he said to me,
53
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:49,479
"This scale will not only
tell you your weight,
54
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,524
but it will tell you your destiny."
55
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,068
- He had an accent?
- No.
56
00:03:57,154 --> 00:04:02,284
Then why did you say it like,
"your weight" and "your destiny."
57
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:04,244
Just a little color, Carla.
58
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,874
Well, whatever. I'm calling this guy
and telling him we don't want it.
59
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,878
Oh, Sam, isn't your curiosity piqued?
I'd like to see what it looks like.
60
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:15,213
And that destiny thing must
mean it's one of those scales
61
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,883
- that tells your fortunes.
- Oh, all right, open it.
62
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,510
- Oh, goody.
- But I'm still sending it back.
63
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:23,722
Coach, give Norman
a screwdriver, please.
64
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,725
Hey, I got a big date here.
I don't wanna get pits.
65
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:30,395
Oh, come on, it won't be that hard.
66
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:39,237
It's all right, Norm. We'll stop you
before your shoes get squishy.
67
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:45,285
Oh, now, let me give you
an opening hint
68
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,996
from a guy who's opened
a lot of these rascals here.
69
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:51,541
If you smack this baby right
about here, I think, Normie,
70
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,168
it'll open up like a big walnut.
71
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:56,463
That's the epicenter of the fulcrum,
as I remember.
72
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,089
Yeah, you better step back here,
Diane.
73
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,467
This thing will shear
your kneecaps right off.
74
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,803
Here?
75
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,683
- Cliff ie.
- Cliff?
76
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:09,768
Cliff, you all right?
77
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:13,605
I can't find my shoes, Clyde.
I think the dog got them.
78
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,900
Sit right here. Here we go.
79
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:20,487
No, there you go. There you go.
80
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,489
Let's get her out.
81
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,037
Oh, ain't that nice?
82
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:32,249
Oh, Sam, I like it.
Can we keep it? Can we keep it?
83
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,918
Well, I'm afraid we're gonna have to.
84
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,296
The number's been disconnected,
and there's no new number.
85
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,715
The guy's obviously
a con man, Coach.
86
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:45,303
I knew it. I knew he was a con man
the minute I laid eyes on him.
87
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,138
Well, as a collector of antiques,
88
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:51,434
I think the scale might someday
be worth what you paid for it.
89
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,437
Or a fraction thereof.
90
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,732
Well, Sam, the salesman also said--
He said,
91
00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,694
"This scale is not being made anymore,
92
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:04,114
and this one was
in a cellar for over 40 years."
93
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,909
Coach, you shouldn't have bought it.
94
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,371
Well, this has been fun, but I gotta
get going on my blind date.
95
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,874
Normie, Normie, listen,
get on the scale. Weigh yourself.
96
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,417
See how you're gonna
make out tonight.
97
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:20,463
Oh, come on. It certainly doesn't have
any fortunes left after all these years.
98
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,553
Do you ever get tired
of being wrong?
99
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,264
It says, 'Your most troublesome
problem will soon be solved."
100
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:33,184
Hey, Norm, sounds like you're gonna
get a trim on the old antlers tonight?
101
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:35,896
- Norm?
- Yeah?
102
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,772
What's your most
troublesome problem?
103
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,108
Well, that's tough to say, Coach.
104
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:44,029
Let's see, I'm overweight,
unemployed,
105
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:48,491
separated, depressed,
starting to drink too much.
106
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:52,037
Guess my biggest problem
is I've never been happier.
107
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:57,626
- Okay, I'm going next.
- No, wait, men in uniform first, Carla.
108
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:01,338
Sam, Sam. See, they love it.
I mean, this thing's gonna be bigger
109
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,924
than that amusement park
in California.
110
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,593
The one with the mouse
and the duck and...
111
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,095
Disneyland.
112
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:12,098
You're tough, Sam,
but I'm gonna get you.
113
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,735
Sanderson Florist.
114
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,946
What's the occasion there, Sam?
115
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,781
It's for Diane.
116
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,824
Did she die?
117
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,285
Of course not.
118
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:37,040
Is she dying? Is she suffering
in any way? Throw me a bone.
119
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,668
No, no, no. She's just gonna be mad
120
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,170
because I didn't take her
to some stupid art show last night.
121
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,839
Flowers is the only way
to calm her down.
122
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,758
Yeah, hi, Sanderson Florist?
123
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,468
There's my guy.
124
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,889
Give me a big smoocheroo.
125
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,853
You're not mad about last night?
126
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:03,775
Oh, of course not.
I just missed you so, you big lug.
127
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,862
Keep up the good work.
128
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:12,367
- Afternoon, everybody.
- Hey, Norm!
129
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,618
What's up, Normie?
130
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:16,371
The corners of my mouth, Coach.
131
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,999
Sounds like that blind date
paid off, huh?
132
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,585
Yeah, well, turns out my buddy
played a little trick on me.
133
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,755
- Yeah?
- Guess who the date turns out to be?
134
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,882
My ex, Vera.
135
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,135
Anybody ready for the punch line?
136
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,845
We're back together again.
137
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,556
- Oh, Norman, that's wonderful.
- Congratulations, Norm.
138
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,350
I feel so good about it,
I'd like to set up the entire bar.
139
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,021
But since that's
financially impossible,
140
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,816
I'll just settle for buying
my buddy Cliff here a drink.
141
00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,360
Oh, why, thank you, Norm.
142
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,862
Chivas on the rocks, Coach.
143
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,615
What, 12-year-old Scotch?
144
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,409
I was thinking more like a beer,
you know?
145
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:58,038
Come on, Norm. This is great news.
You got Vera back.
146
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:02,500
Yeah, Vera. Not Nastassja Kinski.
Vera.
147
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:07,505
- Beer, Coach, please.
- Normie, Normie, tell me, what's it like
148
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:11,634
to go out on a blind date,
and then you find out it's your own wife?
149
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:15,221
Well, we were both kind of nervous
at first, you know?
150
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:19,309
Then we split some clams casino
and a little Chateaubriand,
151
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,312
a bottle of her favorite wine.
152
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,357
Next thing you know, we went back
to what used to be our place,
153
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,985
and we kind of made love.
154
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:32,447
Wait, wait, you can't "kind of"
make love, Norm.
155
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,407
You don't know Vera.
156
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,578
Oh, my God!
157
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:41,748
- What?
- It's happening. It's happening.
158
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,751
Sam, she's losing what's left
of her gray matter.
159
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,712
And I don't mean your underwear,
Carla.
160
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,381
Come here, come on. What's wrong?
161
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,925
It's his fortune.
162
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,802
The machine said
that Norm's worst problem
163
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,387
was gonna be solved,
and he's back with Vera.
164
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,766
Carla, that was entirely fortuitous.
165
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,434
You're absolutely right, Diane.
166
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:05,939
And my little card said that I would
be hearing from a distant loved one.
167
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:11,152
Sure enough, not a half-hour later,
my daughter in Pennsylvania calls me.
168
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:14,114
No, no, no.
That's doesn't count, Coach.
169
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,490
She always calls you.
170
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,575
Yeah. Pennsylvania's not
that distant, Coach.
171
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:22,163
No, no, no, Cliff ie. She called me
from California. She's on vacation there.
172
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:26,126
Oh, it had nothing to do
with your fortune, Coach.
173
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,336
And neither did what
happened to Norman.
174
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,630
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah,
well, then how about this?
175
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:34,175
My fortune said,
"Time waits for no one."
176
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,636
So last night, I get home late,
177
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:40,223
and my kids had started a grease fire
cooking their own dinner.
178
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,808
Now, explain that.
179
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,769
Easy. You're an idiot.
180
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:47,981
Look.
181
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:52,610
There are things that you eggheads
can't explain away in this world.
182
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:56,906
Listen, nothing and nobody
controls what happens to us.
183
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,034
Wait a minute, Sam. You had a lucky
piece when you pitched out there.
184
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,828
Yeah, well, a lot of good it did me.
185
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:02,996
Listen, Cliff.
186
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,082
The only battles I ever won in life,
I won on my own.
187
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,751
Sam, that was brilliantly put.
188
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,921
Well, actually, you said that to me
just a few days ago.
189
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:16,217
Yes, I know, but you remembered it,
and you used it in the proper context.
190
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:21,014
Yeah, yeah, they should carve
his face on a mountain.
191
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,933
Look, Sammy, you've been hanging
around with Diane here for so long
192
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,228
you can't see the facts
in front of your nose.
193
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:31,399
This machine has powers.
194
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,527
I guess I should get
right on then and see
195
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,946
what the future holds
for Miss Diane Chambers.
196
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:39,240
Don't joke about this.
197
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,369
What on earth are you doing?
198
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:46,289
I am warding off the evil spirits,
and if you weren't so stupid,
199
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,958
you'd be doing the same thing.
200
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,377
Preposterous.
201
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,219
Well, what's the card say, Diane?
202
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,847
What difference does it make?
It's a joke.
203
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,684
"Deception in romance proves costly."
204
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:10,605
There. See? Now, you all know
how Diane feels about honesty.
205
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,815
Yeah, she likes it.
206
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,985
- Yeah, honest as the day is long.
- Absolutely.
207
00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:18,905
Now, can we all go
back to work, please?
208
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,199
Good idea.
209
00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:00,029
Cliff ie. Cliff ie.
210
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,572
- You all right?
- You okay?
211
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:05,243
That's $20 postage due, sir.
212
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,828
And how are we today?
213
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,497
Cliff, you're at Cheers.
214
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:12,166
Cheers?
Yes, sir, I know where that is.
215
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,710
Cliff! Cliff!
216
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,963
- Oh, Normie, hey.
- You all right?
217
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:21,301
Yeah. Oh, yeah, I think
I just bruised my knee.
218
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,513
I hope I'll be able to do
my postal route tomorrow.
219
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,432
Yeah, you wanna get
an x-ray or something?
220
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,350
No.
221
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:32,020
I'll just check it out here.
222
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,855
Let's see.
223
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,943
Yeah, I'm fine.
224
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,033
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Cliff,
225
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:49,120
you got a fortune from that machine
yesterday, right? What was it?
226
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,289
What was it?
227
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:55,293
Cliff, did it say anything about slipping,
falling down stairs, anything like--?
228
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,879
Oh, I remember.
It was, "Talk to bigwigs."
229
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,590
What "ooh"?
230
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:04,927
I don't know. Yet.
But there must be a connection.
231
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,016
I don't think you're in the ballpark
on this one, Carla.
232
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,601
Oh, wait, wait, I got it!
233
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,561
Bigwig, right?
234
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:16,064
Who is the biggest bigwig
of them all?
235
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:18,232
Sinatra!
236
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,659
No, even bigger.
237
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,079
- Ronald Reagan.
- No, no, no. Bigger, bigger.
238
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,247
Sinatra!
239
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,089
I don't know.
240
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:44,175
If you ask me who really runs
this country,
241
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,469
I think it's the big oil companies.
242
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,346
Like, I don't know, who runs Texaco?
243
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,516
Well, at my station,
it's Dave and his son Herbie.
244
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,688
Machmoud does the windows.
245
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:02,819
Yeah, well, you can't get much bigger
than Herbie, Dave and Machmoud?
246
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,489
I am talking about God.
247
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,951
God is the biggest wig of them all.
248
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,619
Cliff,
249
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,997
did you pray before you
left the house this morning?
250
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:16,916
No.
251
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:23,297
There you go. If you had prayed,
none of this would have happened.
252
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:29,095
Oh, come on. If you guys are gonna
stretch things this far,
253
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,931
then you could make anything
out of those fortunes.
254
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,684
Hey, I hope there's nothing to this,
because mine was bad.
255
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,144
Well, what was it?
256
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:39,063
It said, "Your valuables are
in jeopardy," or something like that.
257
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,648
I'll show it to you. It's in my wallet.
258
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,610
Somebody lifted my wallet.
259
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:50,992
Carla, will you please take it easy?
He'll owe you the tip.
260
00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:00,126
Yeah, well, how do you explain
that there, Sammy?
261
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,795
I found it. Here it is.
262
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,630
Yeah, what do you say
about that now, Carla?
263
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,967
Well, it makes no difference.
264
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:13,514
The machine has been right
up until now. I say it's evil, evil, evil!
265
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,808
It heard me.
266
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:21,022
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hey, I'm sorry!
I'm sorry. Forgive me. I didn't mean it.
267
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:26,319
Stop, would you? Everybody's looking.
Come on, Carla. Hey, hey, come on.
268
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:31,115
Listen, I don't wanna hear any more
about this. The scale is not magic.
269
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,035
You can't take it seriously.
And I'll tell you something.
270
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,953
It's a sad world we live in
271
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,623
when Sam Malone
becomes the voice of reason.
272
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,795
What am I talking for? Come here, Diane.
Diane's the one who talks good.
273
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,381
Come on. Tell them how dumb
they're being. Come on, sweetheart.
274
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:51,260
You're being dumb.
275
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,476
Had enough, huh?
276
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,073
Well...
277
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:17,411
...guess I'd better get one more,
just to make sure it's safe to go home.
278
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,340
I can't look.
Sam, would you read it for me?
279
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,511
But don't read it if it's terrible.
280
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,180
No, this is okay.
281
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,474
"You will grow lips on your forehead."
282
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,771
Very funny, very funny.
283
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,276
Oh, it's okay.
284
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,777
Well, see you tomorrow.
285
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,905
Good night, Carla.
Good to see you again.
286
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,116
Keep it up. Keep it up. You'll pay.
287
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,409
Bye-bye.
288
00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,621
- Night, Sam.
- Night, Coach.
289
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,129
What are you doing?
290
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,006
I just wanna see
if I've gained any weight lately.
291
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,882
You didn't. Now get off of there.
292
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,719
What's wrong? You know,
you've been acting strange all day.
293
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,887
I've been acting fine.
Come on, now, let's go home.
294
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,599
- Well, let me just get my weight first.
- Sam, don't!
295
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:22,602
Will you please tell me
what's going on?
296
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,770
I mean, you're coming unglued here.
297
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:27,356
I don't know.
298
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,817
I feel like I'm losing my mind.
299
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:33,404
That scale has me spooked.
300
00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:37,116
You're kidding me.
You're the last person I expect
301
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:38,993
to fall for that voodoo stuff.
302
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,204
Do you remember that fortune
I got today?
303
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:44,373
No.
304
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:51,380
"Deception in romance proves costly."
305
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,049
So?
306
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,760
I took another man
to that show last night.
307
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,557
You mean like a guy?
308
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,270
At least pay attention.
309
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:10,524
He's a classmate of mine.
A male classmate.
310
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:14,820
So you took some pimply,
book-faced wimp from school. Big deal.
311
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:19,492
His complexion is almost as clear as
mine, and we had a wonderful time.
312
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:23,037
At the performance.
313
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:25,998
Yes.
314
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,211
Well, of course he took me home.
315
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:33,798
And?
316
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:39,261
I invited him in. We had coffee.
He left. That was it.
317
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:43,099
Instant coffee...
318
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:46,560
...or did you grind the beans?
319
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:52,233
It wasn't the same as it is with you.
I didn't grind them fine.
320
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,612
You did grind the beans, huh?
321
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,658
All we did was talk.
322
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,035
You didn't kiss him?
323
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,539
Oh, I kissed him good night,
but it was nothing.
324
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:10,626
It was barely on the lips, way over
to the side, up by the cheek, very dry.
325
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,053
I have to be honest.
326
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:25,266
It was so good to talk to someone.
327
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,894
I miss talking about the things
I can't talk about with you.
328
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,525
I didn't wanna tell you
because I knew you'd be angry.
329
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,987
- I'm not angry.
- Oh, of course you're angry.
330
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:41,407
No, I'm not. As a matter of fact,
331
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:47,955
I'm kind of grateful. I think I see
our relationship in a new light here.
332
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:52,126
The truth is, I don't fulfill
all your needs,
333
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,712
and you don't fulfill all of mine.
334
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,631
So maybe we should call it quits.
335
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:02,052
What are you doing?
336
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,306
I have one innocent evening
with a guy.
337
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:08,684
I come to you to make
a clean breast of it,
338
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,144
and this is the reaction I get?
339
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,898
You're even less understanding
than I feared you'd be.
340
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,650
Okay, fine, that does it.
I want out of this.
341
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:19,278
Out of what? I already broke it off.
342
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:25,117
No, no, you said,
"Maybe we should call it quits."
343
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,787
I'm saying it's definitely over.
344
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:32,166
Hey, I don't care what I said.
In my mind, it was definite.
345
00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:35,711
That ship has sailed, baby.
Our relationship is through.
346
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:44,303
No, no, we're not through
unless I say we're through.
347
00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:49,141
We're through.
Now we're through.
348
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,309
Hey!
349
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:54,480
I'm not gonna get in an argument
about who broke up with who first
350
00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:57,149
with somebody I broke up with first.
351
00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,569
As a matter of fact, I'm not even
gonna acknowledge your presence.
352
00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:04,031
Is anybody here?
Somebody I used to go with?
353
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,493
Oh, no, no, it's just Diane. Silly me.
354
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:12,998
Don't do this.
355
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,917
Too late, sweetheart.
It's already done.
356
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,547
Sam, please.
357
00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:22,258
Please don't joke about this.
358
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,343
I'm scared.
359
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:32,726
We can't break up because a pile
of metal springs said we were going to.
360
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:36,397
There's too much at stake here.
361
00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:43,445
I'm sorry.
362
00:22:44,822 --> 00:22:46,240
Forgive me.
363
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,410
Tell me you didn't break up with me.
364
00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:52,037
Oh, of course I didn't break up
with you.
365
00:22:52,246 --> 00:22:53,414
Then I'm first.
366
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,668
You are history.
367
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,296
Wait! You know, that--
That was--
368
00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:02,172
Now I know why I broke up with you
369
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:05,801
a long time ago. Long, long
before you broke up with me.
370
00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:09,096
Who's talking there?
371
00:23:11,265 --> 00:23:13,559
Oh, it's just my employer.
372
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:26,405
Sam?
373
00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:29,283
- We got a fortune.
- So?
374
00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:31,827
Aren't you gonna read it?
375
00:23:31,994 --> 00:23:33,370
No. What's the point?
376
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,666
Sam...
377
00:23:37,875 --> 00:23:40,377
...our destiny may be in that card.
378
00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:42,129
I know it. I can feel it.
379
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:46,550
You're crackers, you know that?
380
00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:49,136
Then read it.
381
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:53,641
Okay. Fine.
382
00:23:58,395 --> 00:24:00,606
Are you sure we should do this?
383
00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,150
We've got to.
384
00:24:03,317 --> 00:24:06,278
- There might be no other way.
- All right. Okay.
385
00:24:08,989 --> 00:24:12,201
"Machine empty.
Order more fortunes today."
30191
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