All language subtitles for Brooklyn.Nine-Nine.S07E03.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

[SNORING]

[GASPS]

[WHISPERS] It's happening again.

Rosa, Rosa, Hitchcock
fell asleep in the break room.

I pranked him.
I tied his shoelaces together.

You're 38 years old, dude. I know,

and yet my pranks still stay so fresh.
It's incredible.

You gotta untie his
shoes before he gets hurt.

Puh, seriously?

Seriously. [GROANS] Fine.

But what's the worst
thing that could happen?

-[GASPING]
-SCULLY: He's being strangled to death!

How?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

So you still annoyed? Yes.

You can't keep saying "mischief
managed" after we finish sex.

It's what Harry Potter says

when he needs to clear
the Marauder's Map.

Obviously, I know
that, but I would prefer

to keep wizard terms out of our sex life.

But what we're doing is magical.

We're making a baby.

-[SIGHS]
-[ELEVATOR STOPS]

Wait, why'd you stop the elevator?

Look, I know you're
excited, and I am too,

but I really don't want to talk

about us trying to get
pregnant while we're at work.

You haven't said
anything to Charles, right?

No, and it's killing me.

I still don't get why you can
tell Rosa but I can't tell him.

Rosa's low key.

Charles can be low key.

So how was everyone's weekend?

Oh, uh, we bought a couch.

Whoo-hoo, tell me everything!

Okay, fine, he can be a bit much.

But don't worry.

I have a plan

that guarantees I'm not gonna tell him.

I've cut him out of my life completely.

That doesn't seem sustainable.

Yeah, well, so far, it's working

and it's foolproof, so… Morning!

Jake, can I talk to you for a second?
Mmm-hmm.

I feel like we haven't
hung out in forever.

Oh, is that so? I didn't realize.
Is that the case?

You wanna get a drink after work tonight?

I'm dying to tell you about
Genevieve's new shampoo.

[WHISPERS] It's edible.
Oh, wow, that sounds so fun,

but I actually can't because I have plans

with Ted Crap… It's a friend of Amy's.

The point is, I'm unavailable
for a very real reason.

MAN: Jake!

Oh, my God, is that… Boyle!

It does sound like…

[GASPING] It's me, Adrian Pimento.

Yeah, we know.

Hi, Adrian. How are you?

Very bad, someone's trying to kill me.

Before we wrap up this briefing,

I wanted to give a few shout-outs.

Diaz, great job on that B&E.

You are a good cop with a great attitude.

I don't like this. Santiago, when I think

of your CompStat reports,
one word comes to mind… Wow.

And that "WOW" is an
acronym for "wow, oh, wow."

What is happening? He's buttering us up

before giving us some
devastatingly bad news.

-My God, Jake and Charles are dead.
-[ALL GASP]

JEFFORDS: Jake and Charles are not dead.

It's worse than that.

We have to do our annual HR seminar

on workplace conflict tomorrow.

-[ALL GROAN]
-What? Already?

I know. I know.

These seminars are not
exactly our favorite things.

Question. If I get shot in
the line of duty, can I miss it?

Legally, you still have to make it up.

Well, there goes that plan.

Sir, it's a seminar
that's too boring for me.

I'm saying no to a seminar.

Look, it's mandatory, it's not up
for debate, but we'll get through it

'cause we're the best squad in the city

with the nicest hair, the kindest eyes.

He's buttering us up again,
so more bad news is coming.

HR said they're sending a funny guy.

-[ALL GROAN]
-No!

I hate that guy!

All I know is, I woke up
in a pool of my own blood

next to a metal chair
that had a dent in it

the same shape as my head.

What were you doing before the attack?

I was sitting in said
metal chair watching

the season two premiere
of The Masked Singer.

The Egg had just gone, and
I'm pretty sure I know who it is,

Sara Gilbert.

That doesn't make any sense.
Are you kidding?

You don't think I know how Darlene walks?

No, no, no, no, I'm sure you do,

it's just The Masked Singer
ended four months ago.

I still can't believe that the Bowl of
Ramen wasn't Dikembe Mutombo.

Four month… No, no, no.
I watched this last night.

That doesn't make any… Where am I?

What is that table? Calm down.

You're at the Nine-Nine,
and you know what a table is.

I don't remember coming here.
How did I get here?

Oh, my God.

Pimento has "Memento" disease.

Your memory is resetting

like the guy from the movie Memento.

What? You guys never saw Memento?

It's the guy with no short-term memory,

you know, Christopher
Nolan's first movie.

Is it like Dory from Finding Dory,

she keeps forgetting
where she's swimming?

No, no, it's like…
Dory, yeah, yeah, yeah!

I'm like the forgetful little fish.

Ah. Oh, I mean, yeah, it's like that,

but it's also like… Just keep swimming!

That's what Dory says.
Classic Dory, Jake!

Ugh, you guys really ruined

the coolness of this Memento thing.

Also, Jake, Following is
Christopher Nolan's first movie.

You sound like a grade
A [BLEEP] out here.

What's up, squad?

Hope y'all like condiments
because I got all the sauce.

Huh?
I arrested a tween shoplifter yesterday,

and she was real cool at talking.

I love you, Amy, but
maybe slang isn't your thing.

[CHUCKLES] Whatevs.

Check it. I got a copy

of last year's workplace
conflict presentation.

All we have to do is
study the crap out of it,

then we can answer every question

before that tool from HR even asks it.

We'll be done in no time.

So your solution for getting
us out of the boring seminar

is having us memorize the boring seminar.

Exactly. It's genius, and it's fun.

I love committing things to memory.

Yeah, I'm out. I don't do homework.

You do now.

Get busy, ya flope. Flope?

It means loser, okay? It's new slang.

People are saying it! The tween said so!

It just doesn't make any sense.

I mean, you love The Dark
Knight, you love Inception,

and you haven't even seen Memento?

Jake, I don't know what to tell ya.

I spend a lot of time
in jungles, you know.

They don't exactly get movies like that.

It's usually big blockbusters
like Finding Dory.

486 million domestic.

When you factor in
international, $1.2 billion.

Look, Adrian, we don't
have a ton to go off on here.

What else has been going on in your life?

Normal stuff. Ooh, I got hired as a PI

by the Countess Luann
from Real Housewives.

I ended up sleeping with
her in a tiny hotel Jacuzzi.

I also microwaved a watermelon

just to see if it would explode.

Okay, this is immediately unhelpful,

but did the watermelon explode?

It just cracked and got hot.

Oh. Total bust.

Hey, maybe one of your PI cases
is the reason you got attacked.

I thought of that too, but I doubt it.

You know, they're all
the same, kinda boring.

It's some redheaded lady wants
me to hack her husband's phone

to see if he's cheating with a
spin instructor named Kendra.

It seems a little specific that
they would all be like that, but okay.

[HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING]

Where is that coming from?

Oh, my God, there's a bomb in my chest!

What? They put a bomb in my chest!

What do we do? [SCREAMING]

[BEEPING SPEEDS UP]

Wait a second, the sound's
coming from my little watch.

[LAUGHS]

You just assumed there
was a bomb inside you?

It says, "Take pill, right jacket po…"

I've never seen these before in my life.

This was filled three days ago.

[GASPS] This doctor must
be treating you for your…

Finding Dory Disease.

That's what most people
call anterograde amnesia.

BOTH: Just keep swimming.

Exactly, that's what I tell my patients,

just keep swimming.

So what do you think caused
Pimento's memory loss?

Probably years of repeated head trauma.

I've been working as a neurologist

for over two decades, and
I have never seen a patient

with more traumatic head injuries.

Well, doesn't look so bad.

The red is the good parts. Oh, my God.

Oh, I guess it does make sense.

Pimento lives pretty hard.

I locked my keys in the car again.

I guess I'll have to smash the window.

Actually, I got a hammer in my car.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

Come on, everybody knows

the skull is the hammer of the body.

Yeah, that's not true.

What? Really?

Okay, well, then this is on me.

Look, this morning, Pimento was screaming

about someone trying to kill him.

Has he said anything like that to you?

He has, but I've seen
him every day for weeks,

and I haven't noticed any new injuries,

but the medication he's on
may be making him paranoid.

-Really? Because he doesn't…
-[HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING]

[SCREAMS] There's a bomb in my chest!

-[SCREAMS]
-[BEEPING SPEEDS UP]

Right, he does keep doing that.

PERALTA: Hey, it was nice of you

to let Pimento crash
at your place last night.

How'd it go? Oh, well, he gave
Nikolaj a haircut while he was asleep,

but no weird memory
stuff, so all in all, major win.

Great, so it sounds like
he might be getting better.

PIMENTO [SCREAMING]:
Someone's trying to kill me!

Oh, boy, here we go again.

-Oh, God!
-PERALTA: Pimento, Pimento, Pimento!

Don't worry. Everything's okay.

You've had some brain trauma,

and it caused you to lose your memory.

You're scared that you're in danger,

but there is no evidence
that anyone is trying to kill you.

You're safe. Wait, wait, really?

[EXHALES IN RELIEF] Okay.

[CHUCKLES] Thank you.

I was really worried, you know,
'cause of this gunshot wound.

Oh, my God, someone's trying to kill you!

What?
You just told me that wasn't the case!

So there I am, naked, still
holding the hedge trimmers

when the chauffeur walks in and I
say, "Guess you caught me red-handed."

Because of the blood?
Yeah, because of the blood!

See, you get it. [LAUGHS]

The bullet went through
your friend's shoulder.

He should be fine, although
he does keep asking me

if we do the Face/Off surgery here.

[CHUCKLES] And what'd you tell him?

That we don't.

[WHISPERS] Right.

She's hiding something. Obviously.

Okay, Adrian, there's
very little evidence to go on,

so we should take a
look at your PI case files.

Don't have any. Keep everything
right up here in the old steel…

Where am I?

What is this bed?

And his memory's resetting.

All right, Adrian,
someone's trying to kill you.

Uh-huh. You have a memory disorder…

That makes sense.
Like in the movie Memento.

I haven't seen that!
It's like Finding Dory.

Oh, now I know exactly what's going on.
Thank you, Charles.

Okay, let's get you dressed

and back to the precinct where it's safe.

Okay.

Oh, Adrian, the back of your gown's open.

Don't peek at my tushy. I'm not.

Wait, since when is your
back covered in tattoos?

It's not,

otherwise I couldn't get
buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Are you Jewish? Not yet.

Ooh, I should ask that nurse
if they've got a mohel on staff.

Wait, maybe you've been getting tattoos

to help you remember
things, like the guy in Memento.

Again, haven't seen it.

No, the tattoos could be clues

that you're leaving for yourself.

Here, we'll step out.

You get undressed and
write down everything you see,

and you're fully naked. Hey-oh!

All right, well, I guess
we're looking at 'em together.

MAN: Hello, squad.

My name is Brad Portenberg,

and today I'm gonna teach
you about workplace conflict.

So I brought along someone
who's an expert in conflict…

My ex-wife.

Just kidding.
She lives in Vermont with our kids.

So can anyone tell me
what a stereotype is?

The Irish are potato-eating drunks.

And the gays… No, no, no,

what does the word "stereotype" mean?

-Uh…
-SANTIAGO: I got this, fellas.

It's a preconceived,
often prejudiced notion

about a group of people.

Great, and can anyone tell
me what a protected class is?

A group of people with
a common characteristic

that is legally protected from
employment discrimination.

And how many protected classes are there?

Twenty. Wow.

It seems like I have myself a star pupil.

Honey, you have no idea.

"Extra ranch, no tomato, no cilantro."

These are just a list of modifications

on a signature salad from Panera.

Okay, this one says, "Buy toilet paper"

in a truly gigantic font.

I hate to think of the horrific event

that led to a reminder of this size.

This says your bank
account number is 432211378,

then just under that,

"Someone saw this and stole your money."

Aw. Ew. [SCOFFS]

This just says, "Don't trust your D."

Okay, well, that's good advice.

My D does get me in a lot of trouble.

Are you sure that's
what the D stands for?

Oh, it's for sure my dong.

It could tell some stories,
Costa Rica in '98, Nam.

-It's coming up.
-[HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING]

Oh, no, there's a bomb in my chest!
Save yourselves!

No, no, no, no, it's just
your little watch, okay?

Means it's time for
you to take your pills.

You keep them in your right coat pocket.

Oh, okay.

Where's my coat? It's down in my car.

Ah, I'll go get it. You stay here.

No, no, no, your penis is out.

I'll go. Okay.

Whew, boy, I love that little guy, right?

-Yeah.
-[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Oh, my phone's ringing. Gotta grab it.

It's Amy. Aw, Ames! Put her on FaceTime.

What? [SCOFFS] No.

Come on! Hey, what's going on?

Hey, just checking in.

How's it going with Charles?

I know how hard this is for you.

Have you told him anything?

Nope, we're still all good.

He has no idea that we are

growing a Whomping Willow
in your Chamber of Secrets.

Well, I have to get back to the seminar.

Also, you've ruined sex forever.

Yep, I heard it.
I don't know why I keep doing it.

I love you. Bye. [SIGHS]

What was all that about?
Oh, I actually really can't tell you.

No, wait a minute, you're the only person

that I can tell because
your brain's broken.

Anything I say, you'll just forget.

Well, I guess that's true. Give it to me.

Amy and I are trying to have a baby.

What? Jake, that's wonderful.

Come on, bring it in.

I'd rather not, but it
still feels really nice

to talk to someone about it finally.

But I'm gonna be a dad. It's so crazy.

Hey, don't mention this around Charles.

[SCREAMS] Where am I?

Oh, perfect.

Listen, Denise, I felt
personally attacked

when you included sesame
bagels at the bagel brunch

knowing full well I'm allergic.
I developed a rash.

Says you, Ainsley.
I believe food allergies are a hoax.

Perhaps your rash is from
all that makeup you wear.

This is an office, not
some downtown dancery.

Okay, great.

Now, in this role-play, who
can tell me what went wrong?

Denise should have made
reasonable accommodations

given Ainsley's medical issue.

Ainsley unnecessarily
heightened the conflict

by assuming that Denise
had a personal vendetta,

and Denise shouldn't have responded

to Ainsley's complaint
with an ad hominem attack.

My thoughts exactly. I concur.

Yep. Wow.

I'm really disappointed…

That I have nothing to correct you on.

That was amazing.

I have never had a group finish

this entire seminar that quickly before.

It reminds me of a
really funny joke about…

[LAUGHS] I'm laughing already.

Great seminar, sad it's over,

but it is, so see ya.

BRAD: Actually, I have good news.

State law requires that this seminar

be no less than six hours,

so I guess we'll spend the next two hours

diving into specific conflicts

about this workplace and solving them.

But we beat you.

We beat you with study.

Brad, my funny friend,

we don't need this training.

We don't have any workplace conflicts.

Oh, there's always conflict somewhere.

Now, it could be something
small, like a pet peeve, or…

Hitchcock slept with
my wife, Kelly, in 1988!

So Kelly was his wife, not his dog.

Hey, before Charles gets back,

there's a few more secrets I
want to say out loud to someone

who will immediately forget them.

Give 'em to me. In 11th grade,

I told everyone I was
going to a Megadeth concert,

but it was actually Melissa
Etheridge, and I loved it.

Also, one time, I ate a dog biscuit

just to see what it tasted like.

I get it. They're delicious.

They're not bad.

Oh, here comes Charles.

Hey, man, did you get Pimento's meds?

Sure did. Aw, thanks, Chuck.

See, this is gonna
make me feel a lot better.

I grabbed you a water from
the hospital to wash 'em down.

Aw, thanks, Jake.

You're gonna make a good dad.

I'm so glad you and
Amy are taking that step.

PERALTA: What? How did you…

What about your memory reset?

You and Amy are trying to have a baby

and you told Pimento and not me?

They've got a Panera here?

Okay, I love their salads
exactly as they come.

Actually, you don't.

[GASPS] Thanks, Jakey.

See, you're gonna make a great dad.

Stop saying that!

Hey.

So you wanna talk about
what happened before?

You mean the "you
telling Pimento and not me

"that you're trying to
make a baby" thing?

[STAMMERS, SQUEAKS]

No, no, I'm totally fine.

Hey, coffee guy, how would you
like to be godfather to my son?

Because a position just opened up.

Okay, we're talking about this.

Look, you're being unfair.

There's some things in my life with Amy

that are just between her and me,

and I need you to be okay with that.

Fine.

You're right. I get it.

I mean, it's not like
you told anyone else.

Right.

I mean…

We told Rosa. Rosa, that dud?

Oh, why her and not me?

Sometimes you can be a little much.

A little much? A little much!

Yes, a little much.

Well, maybe, Jake, I have
Finding Dory Disease too

because right now,

I can't remember why
we ever were friends!

Okay, see, once again,
that was a little over the top.

Excuse me, my godson's
dad, the crazy guy just ran away.

Oh, my God, he's gone.

Pimento is gone.
Just like our friendship!

Come on, Charles.

Well, I've got a bean to boil too.

Santiago always tries
to finish my sentences

and frequently gets it wrong.

I do not, and I am not wrong.

You do it all the… Time?

No, I was going to
say, "All the day long."

See? Frequently wrong.

I dogsat for Scully, and
he never thanked me.

Kelly was a real handful.

JEFFORDS: Wait, I'm confused again.

-Kelly was a dog?
-SCULLY: There were two Kellys.

You'd know that if you'd
ever listen to my podcast.

Hey, dude, just relax.

Don't tell us to relax

just because you're too
nice to have any pet peeves.

Oh, Terry's got peeves.

Terry hates the way you always
make mouth noises when you eat.

"Nom, nom, I'm Rosa.
I'm eating a croissant. Nom, nom."

How's this for a mouth noise?
You suck. No, you suck!

As do you, as do you and you!

Oh, yeah?
Well, you're all a bunch of flopes.

Flopes? This is the flope right here.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Okay, all right.

Okay, guys, that is our six hours.

The seminar is over.

I'm really proud of you guys,

lots of good progress here today.

You're welcome.

Excuse me. I'm Detective Boyle.
This is my partner, Jake.

You probably think it's weird
that I said partner and not friend.

Not at all. Well, the point is

that we're strictly colleagues.

Have you seen this man?

Yeah, he was here a few
hours ago for a new tattoo.

It was supposed to say, "Jake
and Amy are trying to have a baby."

Seriously? Aw.

Wait a minute, what do
you mean "supposed to"?

He jumped out of the
chair before I could finish,

second time it's happened.

First time, he left with a tat
that said, "Don't trust your D."

That wasn't the whole tattoo? No.

He wanted it to say,
"Don't trust your doctor."

Oh, my God.

Pimento's doctor is trying to kill him.

He must have remembered something

when he stopped taking his pills.

The pills are what's
messing with his memory.

We have to find him
before his doctor does.

Oh, I know where he's going.
You do? Where?

Said he's going to his doctor.

Oh.

Thanks.

Detectives, good to see you again.

Oh, I see, the villain playing it cool

when confronted by the good guys,

just like Javier Bardem
in No Country for Old Men.

Do you guys only watch kids' movies?

Whatever you're insinuating,
I assure you, you're incorrect.

Cut the crap, Doc. We know everything.

That's right, your wife
hired Pimento as a PI

to find out if you were cheating on her

with your spin class instructor, Kendra.

BOYLE: And you were, so you
silenced Pimento before he could tell her

by drugging him to ruin his memory.

Now where is he? I haven't see him.

Oh, please, you're
making this way too easy.

You clearly just glanced at this door.

Don't. He's not in there.

Oh, really?
Because I'm pretty sure that he…

Isn't.

But he clearly was.

PIMENTO: Jake, help!

Pimento.

Got him.

Help!

Jake, what's happening?
What is this ledge?

You must have tried to
escape out the window

and then your memory reset.

What? I don't understand.

Why would my memory reset?

It's just like the film…

Finding Dory.

Huh? Finding Dory.

Ah, say no more!

I completely understand!

Just stay where you are.
I'm gonna come get you.

Okay.

Should I go over here?

No, why would you go over there?

I don't know!

I just woke up out here!

Just stay still!

Ah, I don't know what to do!

Okay, all right.
Here I come. Here I come.

Oh, I'm scared of heights, Jake.

Yeah, so am I, Adrian.

This might not be the time to tell you,

but both my parents died
falling out of lighthouses,

separate incidents.

Oh, man, I have so many questions,

but for now, just follow my lead, okay?

Okay. Take small little baby steps,

like this.

You're not moving! I'm not?

Oh, uh-oh.

This is bad.

Oh, I'm really scared, Jake.

I'm really scared. Yeah, I know,

just try and look at one
thing and focus only on that

until I can get Charles out here to help.

Okay, okay.

Ooh, there's a juicy old
person butt in that window.

Why's it gotta be juicy and old?

I don't know, but I'm grateful for it.

All right, just lock in on that.

Hey, Charles, I know
you're still mad at me

for not telling you Amy and I are trying,

but I could really use your help.

BOYLE: That's not all
I'm mad about, Jake.

I'm upset because you
keep blowing me off.

We haven't hung out in weeks.

We don't talk on the phone anymore.

I can't remember the last time
we painted pottery together.

Sorry, I know this isn't
the time to talk about this.

PERALTA: No, no, no, keep going.

It's helping to distract me from the fact

that I could fall and instantly die.

Oh, no, from this height,
it wouldn't be instant.

When you hit the ground,
your ribs would shatter,

puncturing your lungs.

You'd start to drown on
your own blood, gurgling and…

Okay, Adrian, I'm being distracted

by Charles right now, thank you.

Okay. Here, take… Take my hand.

I can guide you guys back.

Come on, we're a chain. Here we go.

Just keep swimming.
Oh, just keep swimming.

Just keep swimming. Oh, say it, Jake.

[SOFTLY] Just keep swimming.

Good. Oh!

PERALTA: Hey, just so you know,

the only reason that
I've been avoiding you

is because I really wanted to tell you

what me and Amy have been up to,

and I knew the second that I
saw you, I would just blurt it out.

I always tell you everything.

I hated not being able to say anything.

PIMENTO: Aw, that's so sweet.

Your love for each
other is really wonderful.

Let's hug. Let's all hug.

Oh, no, no, no, we're still on the ledge!

[ALL SCREAM]

SANTIAGO: [SIGHS] Okay, this sucks.

We never fight, and
then stupid Brad comes in

and turns us all against each other

and now we're acting
like a bunch of kids.

Not all kids.
My girls never act like this.

HOLT: We may be arguing,

but we're all thinking the same thing.

Terry talks about his children too much.

Do I really? You all think that?

Keep a lid on the box, Pandora.
You won't like what's inside.

DIAZ: Everybody, shut up.

You're all acting like
a bunch of Ramonas.

Ramona? Yeah, she hated the smell

of her coworker's holiday
candle, so she threw it out.

It was in that thing that
you made us memorize.

You memorized it?

But you said it was homework
and you don't do homework.

Yeah, well, you said
to read it, so I read it.

We're a team, ya flope.

It's catching on. Eh, I mean…

Hey, guys, it's me, Adrian Pimento.

Hey, Pimento, how's it going, bud?

Pretty good, I know where I am,

and I know what a table is,
so everything's going great.

Pretty low bar for
greatness, but all right.

Hey, how's it been since
you stopped taking those pills?

Well, thankfully, my full
memory has come back,

even the things that haunt me.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, Jake, I saw that
movie you keep talking about.

You watched Memento?
And what'd you think?

It's okay.