All language subtitles for Brooklyn.Nine-Nine.S06E10.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

So I told Nikolaj, "Who cares
if you're bad at skateboarding?

"When you grow up, nobody
thinks skateboarders are cool."

What's cool is hemming your own pants.

Mmm-hmm. Sure. Jake, you seem distracted.

You're agreeing with everything I say.

[GASPS] We should go on a
month-long couples' vacation.

You, Amy, me, and my dad.
Yeah, yeah, fine, whatever.

And we should get matching hats that say,

"Best Bud 1 " and "Best Bud 2."
And wear them all the time!

For sure.
Look, Charles, don't look behind you,

but I think we're being followed.

I saw this guy when we
were leaving the precinct,

then he was in line at lunch,
and now he's right behind us.

Is it someone you arrested?

I don't recognize him, but
judging by the head-to-toe denim,

I say he's either not
American or deeply American.

I'm thinking Ukraine or Kentucky.

Well, should we call it in?

No. I've got a better idea.

Hi there.
Who are you, and why are you following me?

I'm not following you.

I come for Charles Boyle.

PERALTA: Hey, hey, hey!

Hands where we can see them.
Chill out, bro! It's not gun. It's a toy.

No shoot, pretty please.

It's gift for Nikolaj.

Nikolaj? How do you know Charles' son?

My name is Gintars. From Latvia.

I am Nikolaj birth father.

Oh…

Nikolaj's birth father who I'd
never hoped to meet. Very cool.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool…

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Charles, are you okay?
You hit your head pretty hard.

No, I'm fine. I don't have a concussion.
We'll see about that.

How many musical numbers
are there in the movie Zootopia?

Oh. Just the one. Yeah, he's okay.

I don't know what's going on.
How did you find me?

The orphanage isn't supposed
to give out that information.

You know Dragomir, Nikolaj brother?

He tell me all about you.

Of course. You're Dragomir's father, too.

No, Dragomir is my brother.

Dragomir and I have same
father but different mother.

Her name Anyuta.

Together, we have baby.
That baby's Nikolaj.

Dragomir is brother of Nikolaj.

I am brother of Dragomir.
Also stepfather.

We are contemporary blended family.

Would make very good TV show.

Honestly, that does sound
very interesting and good.

Anyways, I was too young
and poor to have child,

but now, I'm very successful businessman.

I have my own clothing line.

Maybe you've heard of it. The Gape.

We also have Baby Gape and the Gape Body.

You mean the Gap? No, no, Gape.

Like, there are two things
and there's a space between.

Yeah, like, a gap. Like, the Gap.
The company that already exists.

I don't know what you're saying.
I never heard of it.

But is it a knock-off of Gape?

Do they sell clothing? So what?
You have money now,

and you're just gonna take Nikolaj back?

No, no, I don't want
to take boy from you.

I just want to meet him one time.

Look, I know it's lot to ask, but, please.
Nikolaj is my sex result.

Yeah? Well, I walk your sex
result to school every morning.

No, don't use his words.

I help your sex result with his homework.
This is bad, even for you.

I sing your sex result
a lullaby every night.

I wanna do something…

You will never meet my son.

Oh, yeah? Well, then I don't
leave America until I meet the boy.

And I come from white country.
I have very long visa.

Very long.

So I'm positive the murder
happened inside this apartment,

but CSI could find no traces of blood.

I'd like to ask the FBI to
bring in a team of lab techs.

This would require
Commissioner Kelly signing off.

Before I make that ask, is
there anything else we can do?

Um, I'm pretty sure there is.

-Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
-HOLT: I am now.

BOTH: We need Yee!

JEFFORDS: Who?

Isn't that that guy that led
that seminar where you guys

turned Boyle into a mummy, and
then you pushed him down the stairs?

BOTH: Whoa.

Rosa. Easy.
No one pushed Boyle down the stairs.

Right.
We may have plastered his eyes shut

and left him to wander around blindly,

but he fell down on his own.

It was a classic accident.

Exactly. Anyway, Dr. Yee

is a genius in the field
of forensic entomology.

They call him "Father Fly."

How cool is that? Zero percent.

How are insects gonna help us?

There weren't any in or around the body.

Oh, my God.

You still think forensic
entomology is all blow flies

and screw worms, don't you?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING]

[BOTH SIGH]

That's a good one, Santiago.
You should take the Lieutenant's exam.

Hey. Dr. Yee has recently

bred a species of fly

that has increased sensitivities
to certain human proteins.

SANTIAGO: They can
detect trace amounts of blood,

even if it's been cleaned with bleach.

Or masked with animal urine.

I was building to that.

-Thanks for stealing my thunder.
-JEFFORDS: This is nasty.

Terry hates bugs. Too many eyes and legs.

Would you still hate bugs
if I told you that there were

thousands of tiny mites
that live in your eyebrows

and that keep them from
being weighed down by oils?

-Yes!
-DIAZ: Look, I really think

we should go with the feds on this.

No, we're bringing in Yee.
I'll make the call right now.

Oh. Can I listen on speaker? Mmm.

Oh, my God.
It's gonna be a long couple of days.

You're telling me.
I got bugs in my brows, Rosa.

Hey. So what's your plan with Gintars?

He's kind of taking over
the whole waiting area.

No, don't worry about me. I'm
watching Mad About You on Latvian Hulu.

It's very funny show.

Very many episodes.

I could sit here all day.

I don't know what to do.
He's never gonna leave.

But I'm scared for
Nikolaj to get to know him.

Okay, how about this?
Gintars just wants to see him, right?

We can maybe have them meet

without telling Nikolaj that
Gintars is his birth father.

Just say he's an old friend of ours.

Jake, you're completely
forgetting about the olfactory bond.

Nikolaj will immediately
recognize his father's scent.

Well, you got to do something,

and I don't think you're
gonna wait this guy out.

[GINTARS LAUGHING]

Paul and Jamie are
locked in the bathroom.

But Jamie has a turkey in the oven.

This is a very good setup.

And they pay it off. It's so good.

Okay, Jake, let's give your plan a shot.

Okay, Gintars, remember the deal is,

you cannot tell Nikolaj
you're his father.

[SCOFFS] Who Gintars? I'm Billy Hanukkah.

I'm from the Bronx, Manhattan.

I eat pizza at Famous Ray's.

Okay, well, no need to get too
specific or offer up any backstory.

Hey, guys. I'm just coming from work

with my friend Billy Hanukkah. Hanukkah.

It's fine.
Kids don't know which names are weird.

Nikolaj, say hi to
Jake and this stranger.

Hi, Jake. I love you.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Hanukkah.

I love you, too.
Man, he really is a Boyle, isn't he?

GINTARS: Hello, my little friend.

Did you have good day at school?

We had computer class today.

I am your real father!
My name is Gintars. You are my son.

What? Well. That backfired real quick.

Daddy, why is the man
saying he's my father?

BOYLE: Mr. Hanukkah's crazy.

He has no children of his own,

and it's driven him mad.

I'm your father, Nikolaj.

It's pronounced Nikolaj.

Nikolaj. Nikolaj.

It's okay. You say it wrong.

[GRUNTS ANGRILY]
Okay, well, that was fun.

Hey, why don't you go
play over there, buddy?

You can take this drug store receipt.

It's very long and filled with coupons.
You can fly it around like a kite.

Whee!

Wow, kids are really basic.
Is being a dad super easy?

What the hell was that?
You promised you wouldn't tell him.

So sorry. I smelled my boy.
I don't know what came over me.

Please. I'm in town for 10 more days.

Let Nikolaj know I exist.
Let me spend time with him.

I could take him to Russian bathhouse.
Has he been?

No! I'm not some weirdo that takes
my eight-year-old to the Russian bath!

We take our baths at home
together as a family like normal people!

Not sure you have the upper
hand on that storm-off, Boyle.

He's here! Dr. Yee's on his way up.

How's my breath? [EXHALING]

Perfect. Yee's gonna love it.

This is not a good color on you guys.

Speaking of bad looks, Sarge,

what is going on with your eyebrows, man?

I shaved them off. 'Cause of the bugs.

Sharon said you couldn't notice.

Sharon lied, Terry.
You look like a straight-up fool.

Damn, Rosa. No, Diaz is right.

Your face is horrifying.

-You should leave before…
-[TAP ON DOOR]

Hello, Dr. Yee!

Out back now.

Captain Holt, nice to see you again.

Please, call me Raymond.

Unless that feels weird.
You don't have to.

I'll answer to anything. Raymond works.

So I understand you have
a potential crime scene,

and you'd like to find some blood.

Well, I've brought along several hundred

of my best detectives to help out.

-Oh, my God. I'm starstruck.
-HOLT: We all are.

So what made you
think of using drosophila

as a method of
searching for blood traces?

Have you ever read Sung Tzu's textbook

The Washing Away of Wrongs from 1235?
Nope.

Yes. Which edition?

It tells the story of the first
known use of forensic entomology.

A farmer was slashed to death.

A local judge asked everyone in
the town to lay down their sickles.

And though they all appeared
clean, one attracted a horde of flies.

The insects could sense the blood,

even though it was
invisible to the human eye.

Wow, what an arresting story.
Yes, they did arrest him.

Oh, my!

We made a joke together.

Okay, Dr. Yee, how
effective is your box of bugs?

Well, in a lab, they've detected blood

even when it's been cleaned with bleach.

BOTH: Or covered with animal urine!

You two really know your stuff.

[GROANING]

I know that sound.

That's the moaning of a man
who left his lunch on the bus.

I didn't lose my lunch, you idiot.
I lost my son!

PERALTA: Okay, Scully, I got this.

Hey there, bud.
I got you your favorite tea, duck broth.

Thanks. You know me so well.

But I'm too sad to drink duck broth.

Wow, I never thought I'd
hear you or anyone say that.

Nikolaj is asking if
Gintars is really his dad.

I've worked so hard to have
him think of me as his father.

And now it's all ruined.
He'll probably go back

to calling me what he did
when I first adopted him,

Mr. America.

I know you're upset, but
that is a dope nickname.

I'm not Mr. America. I'm Daddy.

Of course, you are.

I just don't want
Nikolaj to see him again.

I don't want him turning into a Gintars.

You have nothing to worry about.

Nikolaj is already a mini Charles.

He's an eight-year-old
boy whose favorite movie

is Bullets Over Broadway.

So what are you saying?
I should let him spend time with Gintars?

I just worry that if you prevent
him from knowing his birth father,

that he'll build up some fantasy of him

and then blame you
for keeping them apart.

That's crazy.

The way that King Triton kept
Ariel from exploring the surface.

Oh, my God, you're right.

I'm driving Nikolaj into
the arms of a sea witch.

SANTIAGO: Watching him work is amazing.

HOLT: Mmm-hmm. I have to get video.

Santiago, please.

Hold the phone horizontal
to get more flies in frame.

All right, guys, this
fanboy stuff is a little much.

The only thing that's a
little much around here

are your scrawled-on eyebrows. Yeesh.

Seriously? I thought they worked.

They do, if you wanna
look like a mean drag queen.

I knew I should have done a flatter arch.
This is a nighttime look.

Well, the flies are not reacting.

I can keep going, but I'll tell you now,

it's very unlikely there are
any traces of blood in here.

Well, according to my timeline,

this is the only place the
murder could have happened.

Sorry, Rosa, looks like
your timeline's wrong.

Because the flies don't lie.

You can use that if you want.

He's not gonna use a cheeky slogan.

-He's a man of science.
-YEE: I like it.

The flies don't lie.

Okay, Dr. Yee, exactly how
accurate is this technology?

Diaz, how dare you question the man.

Dr. Yee has spent millions of dollars
developing and researching these flies.

It's fine.
Would you all like to see what happens

when they actually sense blood? Yeah.

Mmm-hmm. Will you hold this, Ally?

-[FLIES BUZZING]
-[SANTIAGO GASPS]

Wow. I'm sorry, Detective Diaz,

I know it's upsetting when
a hunch doesn't pan out.

Well, it's over. The flies have it.

Keep your eyes on the flies.

Flies don't lie. Now, that's a good one.

No, that was Santiago's. Damn it.

BOYLE: Wow, this was a bad idea.

Relax.
He gets one afternoon with Nikolaj,

and he chooses basketball?

Does Nikolaj even like basketball?

He loves the Get Your Head In The
Game number from High School Musical.

I haven't seen it, but I
know that's not the same.

Look at them. Does it seem
like he's actually enjoying this?

[EXCLAIMS]

Charles, can I tell you a story?

Always. All right.

When I was ten, my dad
started dating this woman, Leeza.

My mom hated her.

But Dad wanted us to bond,

so one day, he took me and
Leeza to the mall and dropped us off.

She proceeds to steal a ton
of blouses from Ann Taylor

and then immediately makes me go back in

and exchange them for store credit.

Then to celebrate, I get to
pull Leeza's Cinnabon apart

because her nails are too long
and curly to do it herself. [SIGHS]

Point being, nothing has ever
made me love my own mother

more than the time I spent with Leeza.

Gintars is Leeza. You are my mom.

I can't believe I get to be Karen.
What an honor!

Daddy, Daddy. Yes, sweetie?

Can we leave? Oh, no, so soon?

But I understand.
We can go home right now.

No, not home. Daddy Gintars wants
to buy me a jean jacket just like his.

Daddy Gintars.

[SOFTLY] Daddy Gintars.

Oh, no.

I am Leeza.

Wait. No. That's not right.

[BOYLE MOANING LOUDLY]

Hey, bud. Everything going okay in here?

I know you're going through something,

but people are starting to
complain about the moaning.

I would give anything to have
Gintars gone and out of Nikolaj's life.

But it's not gonna happen.

Okay, well, I'm just
gonna close the door, then.

And you can feel free to
moan as much as you need.

[RESUMES MOANING LOUDLY]

[SIGHS]

This is bad. I know.
He's been like that all day.

No, I was talking about your eyebrows.

Whatever's going on
up there is real, real bad.

Well, it's better than having
two bug hotels above your eyes.

But wouldn't they also be in your goatee?

Don't do this to me, Jake.

Wait a minute.

I may have just thought of
a way to get rid of Gintars.

Do you still have that friend who
works in the counterfeiting taskforce?

Yeah, why?

Gintars has this terrible knock-off
clothing brand called the Gape.

If I can get him to admit on tape
that he's selling counterfeit goods,

they would terminate
his visa and deport him.

Deport him?
Doesn't that seem a little extreme?

Yeah, definitely, but Charles
just said he'd give anything

for Gintars to be gone.

[MOANING CONTINUES]

He's not doing great, Terry. Okay.

But how are you gonna
get Gintars on tape?

Good question, Sergeant Crazy Brows.

Gintars is always talking
about the Russian baths.

I'll see if he'll meet me there

and then ask him to cut
me in on his business.

Meanwhile, I'll have a mic
hidden underneath my towel.

It's foolproof.

Before we do deal, we take off towel.
Get full naked.

Ah.

What are you waiting for?

I want to see where
your hair starts and stops.

Gintars.

Take it off now.

DIAZ: Hey, Sarge. Holy crap!

What the hell is that?

That is a bug-free zone is what it is.

I bleached it.
I'm smarter than they are, Rosa.

Uh-huh. What about your nose hair?

Oh, man. Terry forgot about his nose.

Hey, why is Yee still here?

Holt wants him to hand in
his case report in person.

I think he's trying to trick him
into going to lunch with him.

Wait. It's noon?

If I didn't know better,
I'd say that was lunchtime.

I hope they take that container
of bugs with them when they go.

Wait. The container's here?
I have an idea.

All I need is some blood.

This is fresh. Oh. Terrible, yet perfect.

Stupid bugs didn't do anything.

-He lied to us, Sarge.
-[TRIMMER WHIRRING]

Huh?

Why is your towel still on?

This is business conversation.

You cannot trust a man who
cannot show you his full self.

Well, not in America.

Here we have business
meetings fully clothed.

Sometimes even in a suit and tie.

Have you ever seen the show Shark Tank?

Latvian Shark Tank is all nude.

That sounds weirdly sexy.

No, not at all.

There's no female sharks,

so it's just four Mr. Wonderfuls
naked on a big leather couch.

Oh. Not what I imagined.

[CLEARS THROAT] Hey, listen.

I would love to buy some
of that knock-off denim.

Okay, first of all, it's not knock-off.

Okay, Gape is true, authentic brand.

The real thief is Gap.

Are they? What makes more sense?

That they take Gape and remove letter?

Or that I take Gap and add pricey "E"?

I don't care if it's fake,
I just wanna buy some.

It's not fake, you are
still wearing a towel,

and this deal, over.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

Do you wanna know why
I won't take off my towel?

It's because I'm embarrassed
about what's underneath.

Mutilated penis? Yep.

That is it.
You guessed it on the first try.

That's what's under there. The old…

Mute peen.
I am so sorry about your penis.

It's a bummer.

But we all have things
that bring us shame.

Remember when I told you before
that Gape was original, authentic brand?

I do. It was just now. Yeah, well…

I stole the whole thing from Gap.

And here I was completely believing
you when you told me you didn't.

Wow!
Well, thank you for sharing that with me.

You are freak. But I support you.

Come. Oh, no, it's a naked hug.

[PERALTA LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Hey, what's up? You guys
having a little coffee? That's cool.

-Yee's a fraud.
-HOLT: What?

Excuse me?
Those nasty-ass bugs don't smell blood.

And they must not smell bull crap,
either, 'cause he's spewing it everywhere.

What are you saying
out of your weird face?

We put the flies near fresh
blood, and nothing happened.

They didn't react at all.

Do you know how stupid
these accusations sound?

Diaz, you're fired. What?

Dr. Yee is one of the most respected
forensic experts in the country.

For you two, let's not
mince words, common fools,

to suggest that you found
the flaw in this brilliant man's…

They're right. What?

Huh? The flies don't sense blood.

They're just regular flies.

SANTIAGO: But, Dr. Yee,
you can't be a fraud.

You gave a TED Talk.

I spent $6 million in federal
grant money on this experiment

and I've gotten nowhere.

The closest I ever came was when
they all landed on a Popsicle once.

But in the apartment we saw them react

to a cotton swab dipped in blood.

-It was melted Popsicle.
-[GASPS]

Jam works, too, but it's more expensive.

So, sir, you were saying something
about us being common fools?

JEFFORDS: So who looks stupid now?

Uh, Terry, your left eyebrow is missing.

Oh. I must have rubbed it off.

There it is.

Who looks stupid now?

Jake, hey, I got it, man.

Nice jeans, and the good thing is,

look, both legs, same length.

Thank you very much.

And I see it's 100% denim-ish.

"Caution. Do not wear near women
who are pregnant or breastfeeding."

This is true. The nipple may fall off.

BOYLE: Hey, guys.

Gintars said to meet him here.
I didn't realize you were coming.

My man, I'ma wrestle you. Come here.

Charles, what are you doing here?
Why is Nikolaj here?

He's been so happy since he met Gintars.

I've been focusing on myself

and not really thinking about Nikolaj.

I didn't realize how much it meant to
him to know he hadn't been abandoned.

I'm okay with them having a relationship.

Wow, that is so great of you, Charles,

but I really wish you'd included
me in your decision-making process.

Why? No reason.

I just maybe went in a
different, less mature direction.

[SIREN BLARING]

Hey, maybe we should
leave this area, like, right now.

Where is he going? Hey, man.

Gintars Irbe, you're under
arrest for selling counterfeit goods.

Jake! You set me up.
Do you even have mutilated penis?

No.

It's perfect.

Okay.
So they're taking Gintars to the airport

and they're not hurting him

any more than they already
did when he was resisting arrest.

-[TASER CRACKLING]
-[SCREAMING]

Now they won't let him go
just because I asked them to

even though they arrested him
just because I asked them to.

It's a crazy system.
I don't understand it.

But here's what I'm thinking.

I call the State Department..
. You've done enough, Jake.

That's nice of you to say, but..
. My tone wasn't nice.

But your tone is always nice with me.

Wait a minute. Are you mad?

Yes, because you butted into
a situation you shouldn't have.

You need to keep your butt in your pants.

My butt was only out because
you said you wanted Gintars gone.

Well, thanks to your butt,

Nikolaj feels like he's been
abandoned all over again.

Okay, but my butt was the one that
got them together in the first place.

I don't feel like my butt
is getting credit for that.

Well, that's because your
butt was inappropriate then, too.

Your butt should have
never been a part of this.

So now I gotta go clean up the
big nasty mess that your butt made.

But my butt no but…

My butt no but!

Diaz, Jeffords, Santiago would like
to apologize to you for her behavior.

I thought we were both apologizing.

I misunderstood.
What would I be apologizing for?

The same thing as me? Really?

You guys maybe want to have
this conversation on your own?

Yes.

Okay, we have come to a decision

that we would both like to apologize.

We should have trusted your
instincts over Dr. Yee and his flies.

And?
And we shouldn't have been so insulting.

And?

I'm not gonna apologize for your face.
That mess is clearly on you.

Fair enough. I'll ask Commissioner Kelly

to approve your initial
request for an FBI lab team.

That won't be necessary.
I solved the case.

And the flies actually came in handy.

These have been genetically
engineered to detect blood,

and there's a whole swarm of them

at your apartment right
now with Dr. Ronald Yee.

The flies don't lie.

-He confessed immediately.
-HOLT: How about that.

Dr. Yee and his flies
saved the day after all.

No, I did.

Should we call Yee and
tell him the good news?

It would probably make
him feel so much better.

What is going on? He did seem so sad.

So sad. He should be sad. He's a fraud.

Shh. It's ringing.

Hey. Hey.

Did you make it to the
airport in time to see Gintars?

Yes, but TSA wouldn't
let him stay in the country.

At least Nikolaj got to spend a few hours

with his birth father at a Chili's Too.

Chili's as well.

Listen, I feel bad, and I
wanted to do something

but I know you didn't want
my help, so long story short,

I made us these hats.

I obviously love them.

They don't change how I'm feeling.

Okay.

Well, I'm sorry that I messed things up.

But I was just trying
to be a good friend.

I know, but that doesn't
always mean fixing my life.

You shouldn't have done
anything without asking me.

Sometimes I just want you to listen.

Right. I hear that.

It's just…

Adoption is complicated.

No matter how much I want to
be, I'm not Nikolaj's real father.

Come on, Charles. Of course you are.

Well, that'll be up to him.

And he may even change his
mind about it throughout his life.

I mean, all I can do
is make him feel safe

and give him as much love as I can.

Well, I think Nikolaj is
very lucky to have you.

[MIMICKING GINTARS] Nikolaj.

Okay.

Let's take these hats out for a spin.
I've waited long enough.

Here you go. Best Bud 1.

You'd rather be Best Bud 2?

I just want you to listen a little more.
I don't wanna change our whole dynamic.

Okay, good, 'cause I really
wanted to be Best Bud 1.

I know you did. Clink. Clink.

They're way too small. They're tight.

They're way too small.
They don't fit. Hurt.