All language subtitles for Brooklyn.Nine-Nine.S06E05.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

Peralta, looks like
an old friend of yours

is back in town.

Who? That guy Neil that you
bunked with at sleepaway camp?

Ah, Neil from camp was the best.

He could pick up a milk
carton with his butt cheeks.

He was so funny.

You know who else was funny? Bill Cosby.

Charles, will you relax?
You're gonna love Neil.

It's not Neil. Why would it be Neil?
It's Doug Judy.

Oh, right.
Someone we all know in a police capacity.

That makes more sense.

Someone's using his
signature move to steal cars,

plugging in to the OBD port

and reprogramming the immobilizer module.

That's Doug Judy's MO, but it's not him.

He told me he went legit.

That's what he told you last time, too,

before he screwed you over.

Yeah, but he returned the
diamonds to me eventually,

and it turned out that was the only way

to get giggle pig off the streets.

Wait, I may be confusing our adventures.

What year was the cruise?
Dude's a criminal. People don't change.

Ever heard of Bruce
Banner, the Incredible Hulk?

You might want to talk
to his shirts and pants

about people not changing.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Well, I want to ask Doug
Judy some questions.

You have his number?
I always make contact through his mom.

I'll put you in touch with her,

but remember, she thinks
I'm his assistant, Mangy Carl.

And he's a famous architect

who's designing LeBron James' new school

for black astronauts.

Hello, Mrs. Judy?

I'm looking for your son, the architect.

-Yes, I'm from black NASA.
-[MOUTHING] Is that a thing?

Oh, my. I didn't know.

I understand. Goodbye.

So, Doug Judy will not be coming in.

What? Why not?

Oh. I see. He is dead.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

PERALTA: Wow. I don't know how to deal

with all these emotions, Terry.

No one I've been close
with has ever died before.

No tragic accidents to friends.

All my grandparents are alive.

How did you deal when Hodor died?

Not well, Terry.

Why would you bring that up?

Carl? Mangy Carl?

Yes. That is me.

I'm Trudy Judy, Doug's sister.
This is our aunt, Patrice.

I'm so glad you could make it.
Doug really loved you.

Oh, he talked about me? Oh, all the time.

He was so afraid you'd
fall back into your old life.

Doug made Mangy Carl an assistant

at the architecture firm.

He rescued him from
a life on the streets.

Yeah, I was down on my
luck, not a penny to my name.

You were selling your body for money.

Did Doug tell you that?

He said all your teeth fell out,

and your mouth was just a rotten hole.

100% accurate.

Plus, you were sick from
those back-alley butt implants.

Had to have them.

Carl thought a plumper rump

would help him get his
[BLEEP] out every night.

Yeah, I remember having that thought.

But the doctor just put a
bunch of mulch up there,

and it got all infected.

Dark days.

Oh! I'm sorry. It's just so sweet.

The mulch thing? No, how Doug saved him.

Doug was always taking
people under his wing.

Doug said you have a beautiful voice.

Oh, he did? Well…

♪ I suppose that's true ♪

Would you want to sing a song for us?

What a nice thought, but you know what,

I don't have anything prepared.

Okay, well, if you don't want to sing,

you could just tell
us the inspiring story

of how Doug saved you
from being a mulch-butt ho.

I would like to sing a song

in honor of my dear friend Doug Judy.

Oh, nothing better after a long shift

than coming to Shaw's.

It's like Cheers,

where everybody knows your name.

A place where everybody
knows your name is hell.

You're describing hell. Guys, guys, guys.

-Are those…
-ALL: Firefighters.

SANTIAGO: Hey, what's going on?

Why is the FDNY in our cop bar?

We needed a new place,

since our bar, O'Brien's, burned down.

You couldn't put that out?
They probably started it.

Most arsonists turn
out to be firefighters.

That's not true, though
it is very common,

and definitely what
happened in this case.

I'm surprised you guys
even want to come here

since you have to take the stairs.

I know how much you
like sliding on poles.

We don't like sliding on poles.

We do it to save lives. It's dangerous.

You can ask my best friend Steve.

Oh, no, wait.
You can't actually, because he's dead.

Tripped through a pole
hole and broke his neck.

That's horrible. [CHUCKLES]

Sorry, but this is a firefighter bar now.

Although we might want to
make some changes to the decor.

I'm thinking some
old-timey pressure gauges,

maybe an autographed photo
of Denis Leary from Rescue Me.

You wouldn't. Wouldn't I?

Check it out. You son of a bitch.

♪ Doug Judy ♪

♪ I wish you were alive Doug Judy ♪

♪ God will give you a high five ♪

[IN FALSETTO] ♪ Doug Judy ♪

Oh, no, he gave himself a key change.

[STRAINED FALSETTO]
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, Doug Judy ♪

♪ You're a friend, friend,
friend, Doug Judy ♪

[SCREECHING] ♪ This song is at its end ♪

Thank you so much.
You've been a great audience.

I mean, it's a funeral.

That's psychotic. I'm so sorry.

HOLT: Why are there firefighters here?

Did one of them turn
out to be an arsonist

and burn down their own bar?

Actually, yes. So predictable.

But why did you call me?
There's nothing I can do about this.

You have gravitas.
Everyone listens to you.

Look, even if I could save Shaw's,

I'm not sure I'd want to.

This place is a hovel.

The only wine they serve is
from the Delaware Water Gap.

It's called "Charbonnay."

But this is our bar,
and it has been forever.

Change is a good thing.

Just yesterday, you were ranting about

the Philharmonic adding a second piccolo.

It's too many. It'll muddle the sound.
I'm sorry I brought it up.

Look, we can find a new
bar that's not beneath us.

What about Bel Vino?

They've got a great
selection of Italian reds,

and your feet don't stick to the floor

if you stand in one place too long.

Fine. If you're not gonna
do anything, then I will.

Hank, you got to get rid
of these hose humpers.

It's them or us.
Look, guys, I don't want to take sides.

I just want to make money.

Then keep it a cop bar.
We drink like crazy.

Yeah, 'cause of all the tragedy

we experience on a daily basis, son.

Oh, yeah?
We experience plenty of tragedy, too.

We lose a man a year to the pole hole.

[CHUCKLES] How about this?

If it's about money,
let's just have a drink-off.

Whoever racks up the
biggest tab by closing time

gets to keep Shaw's.

Okay, defectives.

[SIGHS] My guys can handle that.

Oh, can they?

'Cause the Nine-Nine's
about to bring the real heat.

Get ready for the backdraft, bitch.

JEFFORDS: Jake, are you upset?
Where are you going?

Are you embarrassed about your singing?

Doug Judy. What?

Hey, Jake.

Man, that song was moving AF.
We got to lay that down.

♪ Doug Judy He's smushing on the beach ♪

Don't try and duet with me, you bastard.
You tricked me.

Now give me a hug.
I'm so happy you're alive.

I'll never forgive you.
You're my best friend.

Whoo! I just went through
a lot of emotions real fast,

but I think I'm back to normal now.

Should we get lunch?
I would love a cheesesteak.

I was thinking the exact
same thing, probably 'cause

BOTH: the coffin
looks like a hoagie roll.

Judy, what the hell is going on?

Uh, who are you, and where is Rosa?

I'm his boss, and I want answers.

All right. You know who Stefano Lucas is?

The arms dealer?

I got word he put a hit out
on me, so I had to disappear.

Why does Stefano Lucas want you dead?

His favorite Ferrari got stolen.

And for some reason, he thinks I did it.

Probably because
someone's been jacking cars

all over Brooklyn using your MO.

Oh, my God. Jake, are you saying

what I think you're saying?

Yes. You have a copycat.

[LAUGHS] I didn't think I'd accomplished

enough in my career for this.

I know, it's big.

It just feels so good
to be seen, you know?

Wait. The only way to catch a copycat

is to team up with the original criminal.

I'm back on the force! Give me a gun. No!

There is no copycat. You did it.

Not me. I'm living that straight life.

Terry refuses to believe it.
He thinks people can't change.

Tell that to Bruce
Banner's pants and shirt.

That's what I said.

Doug Judy, you're under arrest.

What? Sarge?

You are really bringing
down the vibe at this funeral.

What the hell is that?

Jake got me this disguise

so some criminal doesn't
see me in here and tell Stefano.

Okay, but why is Jake also wearing them?

Uh, because it looks super cool, Sarge.

We look like the hot
twins from The Matrix.

[BOTH IMITATE WHOOSHING]

"We are getting aggravated."

You look like Milli Vanilli.

Ooh, I call Vanilli.

Ah-ah! I wanted Vanilli, but you got it.

He's the best one. You know it's true.

So did you check out Judy's alibi?

Yes, and surprisingly, it checks out.

Last Saturday night,

Doug was deejaying Joshy
Greenbaum's bar mitzvah.

Ooh, that was a wild party.
Auntie Karen is a freak.

Judy, you deejay bar mitzvahs?
Best gig I ever had.

No one likes hip-hop more
than a 13-year-old Jewish boy.

Mmm. So true.

JEFFORDS: I'm not buying it.

Probably stealing
cash off the gift table.

[GASPS] Sarge, come on. He has an alibi.

Let's just team up and
try and catch the copycat.

A thousand push-ups.

It's something Rosa and I used to say.

It just means trust me.

If Judy's a criminal, I'll
do a thousand push-ups,

and since you're so confident,

if you're wrong, you can do them.

And a thousand push-ups?
That's a lot to you?

You go to hell, Terry.
Make it 100,000 push-ups, and I'm in.

Obviously I can't do that much exercise,

but it doesn't matter,

because Doug Judy is
telling the truth, right, Judy?

I got you, baby. So, fine.

100,000 push-ups. You happy, Sarge?

Great. Now, Doug…

You never call me Doug.
Yeah, well, you called me Jake earlier.

I thought we were
switching to first names.

I was thinking the same exact thing!

I was like, "Why not call him Jake?"
We're bonding, man.

'Cause he's so official.

[BOTH CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

But it's chill now. [CLEARING THROAT]

So, Doug… Yes, Jake?

Now that we know the
copycat is using your playbook,

if you were still in the
game, which you're not,

we all agree, what
would your next move be?

[SIGHS] It's fight night at Barclays.

No sport attracts more
ultra-wealthy people

with super-nice cars than boxing.

Really?
What about the sport of hunting man?

You got me. That's not a thing.

Right. So, should we
just start at Barclays, then?

Great. But first we gotta make

a quick little pit stop on the way.

What? Where?

[SINGING JEWISH FOLK SONG]

Okay, here are the rules to the contest.

If you order a drink, it
must be fully consumed

before you order another.

Each team's tab will
be tracked on that board.

We don't want anyone
getting alcohol poisoning,

so if you throw up, you're disqualified.

I never throw up.
I just tell my stomach to deal with it.

My body is terrified of me.

Guys, there's no way we can win.

There's nine of them and six of us.

Five of you. I'm going home.

Although, perhaps I'll
stop at Bel Vino on the way,

have a glass of Sancerre.

Might even try the quince
paste if I'm feeling naughty.

You're really gonna
let these firefighters

take Shaw's from us?

Think of all the
celebrations we've had here,

all the times Terry
has yelled "Nine-Nine!"

I hate it when he says that.

He should say, "Cheers
to the 99th Precinct!"

[GROANS]

-[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
-We shouldn't be here.

If you're worried that
someone will recognize me

and find out I'm still alive, they won't.

There's not too many hardened criminals

at Justin Friedman's bar mitzvah.

Although there is a
murderer on the loose,

'cause Kevin Goldman is
killing those dance moves.

Get it, Kevin! That's the floss.

He's flossing.

It's just that we should
be at Barclays already.

The fights are starting soon.
Rich guys never show up on time.

Besides, I promised Justin I'd be here.

What up, J-Smooth!

Gone straight, my ass.
I got you, Doug Judy.

Huh? What are you talking about?

Something felt wrong,
stopping for this bar mitzvah,

so I sent some plainclothes officers

to watch the lots at Barclays.

They just caught the copycat.
I don't understand.

If anything, that proves Judy's innocent.

He's been standing here
with us the whole time.

Which was his plan.

Establish an alibi,

so his partner can go off stealing cars.

DOUG JUDY: I don't have a partner.

Whoever this is, I promise you,

I do not know him.

Actually, Doug, I think you do.

DOUG JUDY: Oh, my God.

ALL: Trudy Judy!

You still want to pretend

you had nothing to do with this?

I didn't, and she didn't either.

Trudy Judy's not a car thief.
Trudy Judy's an angel.

She's putting herself
through nursing school.

And nurses are the best of our society.

Name one bad nurse.

Nurse Ratched. Kathy Bates in Misery.

Nurse Jackie had a pill problem.
Okay, damn.

You got a lot of real good examples

off the top of your head.

You believe me, right, Jake?
I mean, the fact pattern's not great,

but Trudy did seem
very nice when I met her.

You trying to get your
freak on with my sister?

What? No.
I see you looking at Trudy Judy's booty.

I am not looking at Trudy Judy's booty.

Oh, you don't think she's a cutie?
Don't be snooty.

She's a beauty, but I'm on duty.

And you're married.
Well, yeah, but that doesn't rhyme.

Sorry, I just get so overprotective.

She's such a good kid.

I guarantee you, she
didn't steal those cars.

We caught her sitting in a Bentley

with a power amplifier
and a homemade override

plugged into the CAN bus.

Yeah, she guilty.

I can't believe you made
us think you were dead.

I can't believe you're
out here stealing cars.

That's for lowlifes. You steal cars.

And I'm a lowlife.

A gorgeous, charming, super
smart lowlife beloved by all.

I'm sorry, Dougie.

I was falling behind on my student loans.

I had to do something.

Guys, if you weren't working together,

how did she know all
your signature moves?

I found some of Doug's old notebooks.

Those are notes for my memoir.
Memoir? Do you have title ideas yet?

I was just gonna call
it The Pontiac Bandit.

Oh, is that it? Okay. Yeah.

TRUDY: I hated stealing cars.

I was gonna stop as soon
as nursing school was paid off,

I swear. It was a mistake.

That's good enough for me.
Come on, Trudy, let's go home.

That's not really how arresting works.

She's going to jail. Wait, wait.

What if we get you a bigger fish?

What if we can get you Stefano? Who?

That cherry red 1961 Ferrari
250GT California you took

belongs to a guy named Stefano Lucas.

He thinks I did it, and
now he wants to kill me.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea. It's all good.

You have the car, so I call him,

tell him I'm not dead,

say I want to give him his
car back, arrange a drop,

and these guys take
him down or die trying.

PERALTA: That is interesting.

Stefano almost never comes out in public.

It would be a huge
collar for the Nine-Nine.

What do you say, Sarge? 100,000 push-ups?

Fine. If you deliver Stefano,

I'll talk to the DA about

a reduced sentence for your sister.

Thank you so much.
There's just one problem.

I don't have the car.

I already handed it off to a fence.

[SIGHS] Trudy Judy, you screwed me.

Four hours left. We're down $58.

Amy, where you at? Four drinks.

What's four-drink Amy again?

Why don't you come
over here and find out?

Right, Horny Amy.

It feels like you should retire that one

for the MeToo era.

Why don't you come over here and make me?

All right, there's only
one thing left to do.

Drink faster.
Set a bunch of fires throughout the city.

Mine's better. No! We can do this.

Things seem bleak now,

but the night is always
darkest before the dawn.

This is Shaw's.

We've had weddings here and funerals.

Shaw's is part of our family,
because that is what we are.

A family.

And we're not just Amy and
Rosa and Hitchcock and…

[VOMITING]

-So, the fence, Dallas, he works in there.
-PERALTA: I don't like him.

My rule?
Never trust anyone named after a city.

What about Orlando Bloom?

I never thought about

him being named after the city before,

and his last name is Bloom?
Wait a minute.

Did we just realize something crazy?

No, everyone knows it's a crazy name.

Now can we just focus on the meet-up?
Fine.

All right, Dallas is creepy and paranoid,

and he really freaked
me out that last time.

-I don't want to go in alone.
-DOUG JUDY: Don't worry, kid.

I'll be there right
next to you, as always.

Aw. Sarge, why don't you
say stuff like that to me?

No, look, I do not trust the
Judys going anywhere alone.

Doug, you stay with Jake.
I'll go in with Trudy.

I just need a cover story.

We could say that you're my boyfriend.

No.
No, no, no, I don't want my little sister

fake-dating some pervert.

What? Why am I a pervert?

Have you ever met a nice, normal guy

that wears suspenders every day?

What kind of person
has to tie their pants down

to keep them from flying off?

That's not what suspenders are for, man.

Guys, we don't have time to figure out

what suspenders are for, all right?

Now, Trudy, this is undercover work.
It can be very intense.

Are you sure you can handle it?
I mean, I'll do my best.

Who's this? This is Deion. He's my man.

Ask me another question,
you simple little barn animal.

Okay, so she can handle it.

Why is your boyfriend here?
Who said boyfriend?

Deion and I freak,

then he shuts his pretty little mouth

and lets me handle my business.

I don't like the direction this is going.

Easy. She's just playing a part.

DALLAS: Pretty big age difference here.

Where'd you guys meet? The club.

Deion was a bouncer, and I told him

I wanted him to bounce on me.

What is that? Is she rubbing on his mic?

The mic that was taped to his chest?

You should feel these.

They're like two baseball bases.

Make 'em pop, Daddy.
Daddy's not sure this is the time.

Do it, Daddy!

Ooh, ow, ooh, ow!

Get your hands off her, pervert!

Judy! Judy! I tried to stop him.

That's my baby sister you're caressing.

What? How can I caress her with my pecs?

Look at those things. They got thumbs.

Guys, guys, stop! Where is Dallas?

I think he got spooked and ran away.

JEFFORDS: Good job, Doug Judy.

You just cost your sister

a chance at a reduced sentence.

Oh, no.

Why is my tone so playful?

Why is there a twinkle in my eye?

Because I just found our
1961 Ferrari 250GT California.

Oh, ho, ho!

Ladies and gents and pervert
Terry, we are in business.

Sorry, Sarge, I got caught
up in the moment there.

BOYLE: Guys, I threw up.

Oh, man, it's over. We need a miracle.

-I'm here.
-DIAZ: Captain Holt.

How are you here? You called me.

You didn't stop calling me.
I didn't call you. Look.

You left 17 voice mails. Here's one.

DIAZ [RECORDING]:
Holt. You got to come save us.

We need a lie to get you here.

-Charles, what should I say?
-BOYLE: That I got shot in the face.

Oh, and tell him to bring pizza.

Whoo, Crampon Holt. We're losing. Yeah.

Why are you dancing?

Oh, I was up to nine-drink
Amy, who speaks French,

and then I hurl… I hurled.

What she's trying to
say is that she vomited,

and now she's back
down to three-drink Amy,

or Amy Dance Pants.

You know it.

My God.

Hitchcock, are you the only
person still making sense?

Yeah. It's bad.

So, are you gonna
make us give up, Clappin?

Or are you here to tell us to stop? No,

I'm here to help you win.
What is happening? Why is this?

It's something you said
on one of your voice mails,

after you had sung the entirety of a song

Called "Shake Whatcha Mama Gave Ya."

You thought you had
hung up, but you hadn't.

DIAZ: Anyway, bye-bye.

What am I doing calling him?

He doesn't care about us or what we want.

When I heard that, I
was shaken to my core.

I thought this bar was beneath me,

but what was actually beneath
me was my own behavior.

I had turned my back on…

Holt, we do not have time for this.

Just drinky, drinky.

Hank, bring me a Charbonnay.

All right, Stefano should
be here any minute.

I just want to thank you
guys so much for helping me.

I don't deserve your kindness.
Hey, don't be so hard on yourself.

We all make bad decisions
when we're younger.

I was once in a flash mob.

Ew. Mmm.

JEFFORDS: Something's off about this.

I don't like leaving
Judy out there alone.

Relax, we have a tracker on the car,

a tracker on Doug Judy,

and ESU has the entire area surrounded.

It's gonna be fine.

We got movement.

Okay, everyone, to your
positions, on my signal.

Hold. Hold. Hold.

Sorry, I started holding too soon.
Let's start over.

Hold. Hold. And…

Everyone, stop holding. Go, go, go, go!

JEFFORDS: Where is he? Where is he?

Got him.

They got Stefano. No, not Stefano.

The Pontiac Bandit.
Where is… Doug Judy here.

Y'all see that car blow up?
Yeah, we did. Why did you do that?

You think I did that?

Doug Judy does not work with fire.

Yeah, he's like the Hound
from Game of Thrones.

I am like the Hound. And you're my Arya.

Right? Guys.

If Doug Judy didn't
blow up the car, who did?

ALL: Trudy Judy.

Damn, sir, you took that
Charbonnay to the house.

How you feeling? Let me take stock.

My equilibrium is askew,

my vision is partially impaired,

and I'm clearly slurring my words.

To put a fine point
on it, your boy is turnt.

Well, well, well, there's
only a minute left,

and you are six bucks down.

I don't think you guys are gonna make it.
Hank, another Charb.

This one's hot.

It was sitting on the radiator.

He's never gonna make it. Yes, he will.

Just don't breathe.

Let the liquid into your lungs.

Five, four, three, two…

Closing time, cops win!

[ALL CHEERING]

All right, fine, the bar is yours. But…

We're keeping this. Come on.

Before we all go home and pass out,

I want to say how sorry I
am that I deserted you earlier.

I want you to know that I care
about you all so very much,

each and every one of you.

Boyle, Santiago, Diaz, Hitchcock…

[VOMITING]

All right, I have
officers looking for her.

She was on foot.
She couldn't have gone far.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

This is her. Where are you, Trudy?

In the wind, Dougie.

Okay, that's a cool thing to
say, but what are you doing?

They were gonna reduce your charges.

Reduced charges are still charges,

and I can't go to prison.
There are no dudes there,

and I need to smush.

Trudy. Oh, grow up, Doug.

I'm an adult woman
who's horny all the time.

What is going on?
Oh, are you judging me, ho?

DOUG JUDY: Trudy, running
from the cops is a felony.

That means no more nursing school.
Good. It sucked.

I only went to, like, one class.

What? It was boring as hell.

So then I started running Internet scams.

Then there was identity theft.

I was Queen Latifah for a bit.

Then Lil' Kim. That was less believable.

But then I found your old notebooks.

How come you never told me
how much fun car thieving is?

Because I didn't want
you to fall in love with it.

Wait, I'm confused.

When did you put the bomb in the Ferrari?

TRUDY: I didn't do it. Dallas did.

And Dallas isn't some
criminal I'm afraid of.

He's my employee. Say what's up, Dallas.

Wassup?

Named after a city.

The hard part was trying to figure out

how to tell him my plan,

so then I came up with
that whole boyfriend thing,

because I needed a distraction.

I knew you'd rush in, all
weird and old-fashioned,

try to protect my honor.

How can I caress her with my pecs?

DOUG JUDY: Look at those things.
They got thumbs.

I don't need you to protect me, Doug.

You're my baby sister.
I got to look out for you.

That's so sweet and also dumb.

I'll see you at Christmas, sucker.

I love you, big bro.

Trudy!

Man, I am gutted. This is awful.

Is this how you feel
every time I trick you?

Pretty much. Yeah, it always hurts.

Wow, I'm sorry, man.

It must be really hard
to hang out with me.

Well, it's a tough relationship,

but it's exciting.

JEFFORDS: Hey, Doug,
I'm sorry for not trusting you.

Turns out you had
nothing to do with this.

Oh. So you admit people can change.

Yes. Bruce Banner's
pants and shirt were correct.

You know what this means, right?

6203, 6204.

I am so glad I lost this bet.

I never find time for things I enjoy.

This is so unsatisfying.
You're not even sweating.

It's too easy.
Get on my back, Jake. No, I'm not…

Get on my back, Jake! Coming, strong man.