All language subtitles for Brooklyn.Nine-Nine.S04E20.1080p.BluRay.x264-BORDURE

DIAZ: Ugh. Where is this guy?

Deal was supposed to
go down 10 minutes ago.

Stupid criminals have no respect

for the people trying to bust them.

Yeah, I really wish he'd show up.

I gotta go to the bathroom so bad.

That's, like, the third time today, man.
What is going on with you?

Oh, Amy freaked out 'cause
I told her I never drink water.

So now she's making me
drink eight glasses a day.

It's, like, there's water in
soda, there's water in coffee,

there's little pools of water on pizza.

That's grease, Jake.
Well, it's wet, isn't it?

That's our guy. Billy Ocampo.
Deal's going down. Let's go.

Yeah, all right, and
then we're gonna pee.

MAN: Count.

NYPD! Freeze!

-MAN: Cops! Go! Go!
-PERALTA: We got a jackrabbit.

Damn it.

Ocampo got away. What happened to him?

Dum-dum tried to jump down the stairs.
Shattered his ankle.

Foot's all floppy.

Great, let's get 'em
back to the Nine-Nine.

See if Floppy Foot and his friend
know where our man's hiding.

WOMAN: They don't know anything.

They're undercover cops.

PERALTA: Floppy Foot's a cop?

Crap, that's Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins.

I know. She's literally my hero.

Hello, Lieutenant Hawkins.

You idiots just ruined a
three-month operation.

My name is Detective
Ignatius Pennyfeather IX.

That's I-G… Natius.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

HAWKINS: These two bozos
screwed up a three-month operation.

Well, this sucks.

Lieutenant Hawkins is my
idol, and now she hates me.

She is so cool.

She's been buried alive three times.

I've only been buried alive once.

I heard she doesn't let
anyone take her photograph,

so that she can still go undercover.

Hey, Rosa, delete all the
pictures you have of me.

I don't have any.
Not even the Splash Mountain one?

-[DOOR OPENING]
-Oh. Here comes Holt.

Well, Hawkins is more enraged than ever.

Why? Ocampo's just a low-level fence.

She wanted to use him to get to
the Golden Gang bank robbers.

She thinks he's their fence.

Golden Gang? Damn.

Those guys just hit a bank in
Bushwick, took six mil in diamonds.

[SIGHS] That is a big deal.
She should be mad at us.

You two, get in here.

You're in God's hands now. Goodbye.

You tank the operation,

and you put one of my
men out of commission.

I am this close to
suspending the both of you.

Almost looked like your
fingers were actually touching.

DIAZ: We're sorry
our signals got crossed.

This is everything we have on Ocampo.

PERALTA: Yeah, we've
been on his tail for a while.

We know everything about him, all the
way down to his favorite fro yo flavor,

Monkeyberry Marshmallow Blaster.

The point is, we can help you find him.

You wanna help? Stop looking for
Ocampo and stay away from my case.

Sounds good. We will definitely stop

not looking for him.

We're gonna find Ocampo for her,

and then she's not gonna be mad anymore.

-Dope.
-PERALTA: Dope indeed.

[GROANS]

I swear, I would rather
drink ginger ale, Rosa.

Honestly! Ginger ale!

So, a guy got stabbed at 3rd and Union.

You know what that means.

I got 3rd Street bagels!

[ALL CHEERING]

Wow. It's so nice and surprising

when somebody thinks of others. Nah…

Scully. I was thinking of you.

I was thinking about
how stupid your face is.

That's it! I'm licking all these bagels.
You get none!

Oh, you think your spit's gonna stop me?

Brother, you don't know me at all.

Mmm. Ugh.

What are we watching?

They've been fighting
like little kids all morning,

and I can't get 'em to stop.

I tried everything,
ordering them to stop and…

Well, that's really all I tried.

But I'm their superior officer.
That should've worked.

Guys, why are you fighting?
You're best friends.

Every Sunday after church,

Scully and I have dinner
together at Wing Sluts.

We know. You get ribs and White
Russians and watch Undercover Boss.

Last night, Scully said he
was sick, so I went by myself.

Guess who was there, healthy as a clam?

Mr. Liar and his new tart Cindy Shatz.

What happened to our bro code?

Badge before… Hitchcock, no.

You always get mad when I
spend time with Cindy, so I lied,

because I didn't want
you to throw a fit, you cuck.

You're the cuck, snowflake!

No, you are!

Gina, as you know, my fountain
pen is being re-nibbed in Germany.

Yes, it's all no one is talking about.

Due to its absence, I
borrowed Amy's favorite pen,

and I lost it.

That pen is her best friend.

I'm not even saying that as an insult,

I've heard her say it. How'd you lose it?

I have a CompStat presentation coming up,

and I was toying with the
idea of using hand gestures,

for emphasis.

So I went out on the roof to practice.

And ladies and gentlemen, violent
crime has gone down by 10%…

Amy is going to be very angry,

maybe even angrier than when
they added "YOLO" to the dictionary.

You know, I wouldn't worry about it.

Amy's, like, physically
incapable of being mad at you.

I don't think she'll be disrespectful,
but certainly she'll be upset.

Eh… Watch this.

Amy! Someone lost your pen, girl.

Gina, you better be joking.

That pen is my best
friend, and I will straight…

It was Captain Holt.

Oh, that's fine. It's just a pen.

It's just a pen. [LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

Hey, so I talked to my CIs, and
nobody's heard anything about Ocampo,

but I talked to Skeezy J, who
said he's been taking night classes.

He wants to be a dietician.
I'm excited for him.

Hawkins knows we're working the case.

I highly doubt it.
What makes you say that?

She just called and said,

"Get over here.
I know you're working the case."

Hmm.

So it appears you were onto something.

Very good. Touché. Well, off to death.

DIAZ: This place is awesome. I've always
wanted to work in a covert facility.

PERALTA: I know.
We're in a black site, Rosa.

I bet they have some awesome name for it.

Welcome to The Slaughterhouse.

Told ya.

Hey. So listen, we know you
told us to stop looking for Ocampo,

but we figured we'd find him
for you, try and make things right.

It's all good. I'm not mad.

I checked out your files,
you guys do good stuff.

I think you might be our best
option at finding this guy again.

You think you can do that?

Can a paring knife remove a
human heart in under a minute?

Yes, I've seen it happen.

Lucky.

So why don't you both come back tomorrow

and we can start working this together?

And, who knows, if you find the guy,

I got an open spot on my squad.

Maybe one of you could fill it.

Or maybe one of us could fill it.

Excuse me? What you said. Better.

Rosa, leave now?

This is amazing.
I've always wanted to be on that squad.

Me too. Working with her would be insane.

But what do we do? I mean, there's
only one spot and the two of us.

Unless one of us wanted to back off

because the other said it first.
That seems fair.

Look, none of this matters
if we don't find Ocampo.

Let's just do our jobs, and Hawkins
will do whatever she's gonna do.

Doesn't have to be a competition, right?

Right. Right?

Right.

Right? Right.

Right. Right.

So, based on these phone records,

we think Ocampo is
definitely still in Brooklyn.

Unrelated question. Is it true you
still have a bullet lodged in your hip

from your shootout
with the Canarsie Killer?

No. Darn.

It's in my jaw. Yes.

HAWKINS: This is nice work, guys.

Who figured out he was
cloning his credit card?

Oh, uh… Couldn't tell you. I don't know.

Can't remember. Yeah, can't recall.

We don't really keep score.
Yeah, we're super non-competitive.

-[GROANING]
-HAWKINS: Great. So, what's our next move?

How do we find this guy?

I say we tap his brother's phone.

They're tight. He'll definitely call.

Jake, you agree?

Yes, I think that's a great idea.

Fully support that. Totally love it.

The one thing I will say, though,

is it could take us a
while to get a warrant.

And we know he's hard up for cash,

and we also know
that's his primary buyer,

so we could see what this guy knows.

Both smart suggestions. I say we do…

Peralta's. Yes.

[GRUNTS] Sorry, it's muscle spasm.

Whatever.

Diaz, you ride?

Yeah, I got a supercharged R1. Engine?

Four-stroke, in-line four
with dual overhead cams.

Wow. That's a lot of bike.

I ride a custom-6 L-capacity superbike.

What is that, like, 180 horses?

210. Purrs like a puma in heat.

I also ride motorcycles.

Oh, yeah? What do you ride?

Oh… It's in the shop right now.

Yeah, the torque felt low,

so I was like, "Bro, we
gots to up the torque."

We all know how it is.

Anyways, I could talk about
my steel horse all darn day.

We got work to do.
[CHUCKLING AWKWARDLY] Rosa.

Sarge, Hitchcock and
Scully are out of control.

They got into a fight over the ranch
dressing, and now it's everywhere.

[GRUNTS]

JEFFORDS: I figured it out, Boyle.

They've been acting like kids,

so I'm gonna treat 'em like kids.

Ooh, Daddy's gonna dish
out some Daddy discipline.

As a fellow daddy, I approve.

Stop saying "Daddy."
You got it, Papa Bear.

Hmm. I actually kinda like that one.
Makes me feel strong.

Anyway, I'm gonna take
away something they love

until they stop fighting.

Papa Bear punishment. Daddy like!

Boyle!

You two, up now!

I'm taking away the thing
you love most in the world.

Sitting.

You'll get your chairs back
when you apologize to each other.

Fine. I'm sorry…

I ever met you, you bald freak!

Don't you push my desk, you basic bitch!

Guys, enough. Guys… Freak! Biatch!

The ranch! It's all over the floor.

[GRUNTING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[SCULLY SOBBING IN PAIN]

PERALTA: Ocampo?

Nah, haven't seen him in months.

I don't know how to reach him. Okay.

Then I guess we'll just set
up surveillance here full-time.

I'm sure your shady
customers will love that.

Oh… Well, I… Tell me where he is.

I'm gonna count to three.
There will not be a four.

Okay, fine, he was here this
morning, but I didn't buy anything.

Here, he left this number
in case I change my mind.

Thank you.

Here you go, Lieutenant.

"There will not be a four."

Die Hard. Nice.

You like Die Hard? Best movie ever.

Best franchise ever.

I even have the Justin
Long one on Blu-ray.

I saw the fifth one in the theaters.

So did I! Wait, there was
only one other person there.

Was that you? Atlantic Avenue?

No, but that would've
been a cool coincidence.

I also like Die Hard.

Really, Rosa? What's your favorite part?

The shootouts. Interesting.

Vague and interesting.

But it's funny 'cause I always thought

your favorite movies were
made by Nancy Meyers.

Seriously? What? No.

I hate that crap. Really?

So you hate the one starring
Diane Keaton and John Wick?

What was it called again? I don't know.

Something Has to Give?
Something's Gotta Give.

I got ya. [GROANS]

Can I get a trace on this
number right away, please?

No need. We know where Ocampo is.

We got the warrant for Diaz's tap.

He called his brother
and arranged a meet-up.

It's about to go down.

So it looks like my
idea worked after all.

Did it, though? Yes, it did.

Nice job, Diaz.

Come on, suit up, everyone.
We gotta go right away.

Sounds good.
Maybe we should take our bikes.

Cool idea, but is it the
best move tactically?

Yes, it is.
That way, we could slip through traffic.

Totally. However, as mentioned,

my hog is up in the torque shop,

just getting torqued up the hog,

so we should probably just
share one car over there.

I bet you Floppy Foot
will loan you his bike.

And yet, I don't want to
inconvenience Floppy Foot.

-Sure he wouldn't mind.
-PERALTA: Right.

Even so, it's not like we have his keys.

Oh! Look at that. Let's go.

You found them. That's fun.

I can't wait to drive this motorcycle

that I definitely know how to drive.

Too much torque!

Too much torque!

Santiago, I've been
your CO for four years.

By now, you should be
able to stand up for yourself,

even if that means telling me off.

You're right.

Just say the word,
and I will tell you off.

Okay, tell me off about losing your pen.

Oh. Right now?

Okay, well, it makes
me feel pretty annoyed.

Good. Go on.

It grates my cheese.

I mean, it just really grates my cheese.

Grr.

Oh, Santiago, you're faking.

"Faking"? What?

Did you hear that "Grr"?

Just admit it.
Okay, fine, I was faking the whole time,

but I only did it because
I wanted you to enjoy it.

That ruins it.

I mean, it's supposed
to be good for both of us.

It was good.

Just because I didn't get angry

doesn't mean I didn't
get anything out of it.

Yeah, but the whole
point is for you to get angry.

Did you even get close? Uh…

What about your last CO?

Could he make you angry? Well, he…

You know what? I don't wanna know.

Don't tell me. I don't wanna know.

[PANTING]

Did you find him? Where is everybody?

They already left. Ocampo wasn't here.

He must've heard us coming or something.

Did you enjoy your ride over?

I think you know I didn't.

Well, maybe you shouldn't
have brought up Nancy Meyers.

Okay, I see what's happening.

This is a competition.
We're officially competing.

Oh, yeah, we're competing.
Fine, then it's on,

and I'm gonna crush you.

Also, I need a ride.

Can I please sit on the
back of your motorcycle?

No. Well played.

Looks like I'm gonna find out if
a motorcycle fits on the subway.

[GRUNTS] I gotta find
Ocampo before Rosa does.

I'm so wound up, I can't focus!

Oh, are you flipping out about

Tiandra getting kicked off
So You Think You Can Dance?

Definitely not. Well, you should be.

Her nae nae was nonpareil.

I know what's happening.

I'm finally hydrated, and it's
unlocking my brain's full potential.

It's too much for me. I'm Limitless-ing.

I don't think water makes you jittery.

It does if it's laced with caffeine.

You dosed my water?

You just drank 960 cups of coffee.

[GROANS] That esprains
why I no talk butter.

[GASPS] Me having stirk?

[LAUGHS] Good luck solving that case.

Why would you drink more?

My brain wants its fast juice.

Hey. Why are you in here?

I'm hiding from Hitchcock and Scully.

I can't take anymore.

They got into a meatball
fight at breakfast.

They win. The bullpen is theirs.

No way, Papa Bear.

When Nikolaj and his best friend fight,

I have them do an activity together,

like a puppy puzzle. Makes 'em cooperate.

So are you saying we give
Hitchcock and Scully a case

and make 'em work it together?

No, no, no, we give them a puppy puzzle.

Now let's go to town on 'em daddy-style.

All right, I need you guys to
assemble this jigsaw puzzle

for a case I'm working on.

Why do we have to do it together?

Yeah.

Uh… 'Cause?

Can't argue with that.

Cooperation instead of punishment.

Damn, Boyle,

that is some advanced-level
parenting right there.

I learned from the best… Thank you.

Lorelai from Gilmore Girls. Okay.

I guess being a daddy
just comes naturally to me.

[GRUNTING] Die!

Hitchcock, no! Die!

[GROANING]

How's it going?

Ah, I notice your pupils
have stopped pulsating.

Yeah, because I found the
perfect antidote to your little prank.

Sure, caffeine speeds you up,

but half-and-half slows you down.

Dairy.

Ahh. You made one fatal mistake.

[BURPS]

You forgot how gross I am. Yep.

Oh, now feels like a
good time to tell you

I dosed that half-and-half with caffeine.

Come on! What are you two up to?

Being normal. Why? Not misbehaving. What?

Huh. Skeezy J just called.

Oh, did he pass his final?

No, but he said, "Ocampo's in a warehouse

"on the corner of Richards and Lefferts."

-[ENGINE STALLING]
-PERALTA: What's wrong, Rosa?

Out of gas?

[GAGGING]

Yeah, it got all in my mouth.
It was horrible.

But still not as bad as water.
See ya never!

What's wrong, Jake,
out of steering wheels?

You know that I am!
That's okay. I can run too.

[GROANS]

The half-and-half just met the gasoline.

They're not mixing well.

[PANTING]

Sir, are you all right?

I failed you, Santiago.

I want my officers to respect
the chain of command,

but I never want anyone
to be so terrified of me

that they repress basic emotions.

I'm a terrible captain. Stop that.

You are not a terrible captain.

Santiago, face facts. I'm garbage.

No, this is about me and
my issues with authority.

You've been great.
Wrong, I've been a disaster.

I can't believe you would
blame yourself for this.

How stupid are you?

So stupid. I'm such a stupid head.

The fact that you think this has
anything to do with you is insane.

Do you even…
Oh, my God, I'm yelling at you.

Yes, you are.
You're in the zone. Keep going.

Oh, okay.

I can't believe you lost my pen.

That was careless and rude!

And?

And it was a real jerk move!

Santiago! You did it!

And I am so sick of you playing
your damn classical music

in your office all day.

It's too loud! We can all hear it!

Okay, well, this has been…

You shut your mouth
when I'm talking to you.

Santiago… Right, too far.

I'm sorry. This is all very new for me.

Son of a bitch.
Where'd you find a steering wheel?

I didn't.

I had a Frisbee in the
trunk, and I taped it on.

That's right.
I MacGyvered the donk out of this thing,

and it worked flawlessly.

Actually, I hit a ton of
stuff on the way over here.

It was awful. Of course you did.

Yeah. Whatever. This is the warehouse.

Listen, I know we're competing, but…

We can't let him get away.

We should work this together.

Okay, but the second that we find him…

We go back to being archrivals.
No two ways about it.

Yep, I'll boil your flesh
and drink from your skull.

Yeah, totally.
I'll do that to you too, if I win.

We're both lunatics.

NYPD! Down on the ground!

DIAZ: Ocampo, freeze!

What are you doing?
He went outside. Feels like a setup.

I mean, he could have opened
the door but stayed inside to trick us.

No way. This guy is not that smart.

We could split up, follow our hunches.

Winner takes all.

Dummy.

NYPD!
Put your hands where I can see them!

Oh, my God.

Damn it.

You're under arrest.

Also, I'm gonna have to pee
while I hold you at gunpoint.

I've been drinking so much water.

Hey.

Before we take Ocampo
over to The Slaughterhouse,

I just wanted to make sure you were okay,

'cause you are sharpening
that knife very intensely.

Makes me feel better.

I'm the same way with MAD Magazine

and CRACKED Magazine.

They're both so good. Tough to pick.

I mean, MAD is the original, but CRACKED…

[LAUGHS] They've always got a take.

Okay, I'm done. Let's go.

Wait.

Look, I know it sucks
there's only one spot,

but working for Hawkins is my dream.

I mean, she takes down the
biggest criminals in the city.

I get it.

Dude, it's just, our captain's
a man, our sergeant's a man.

Every superior officer I've
ever had has been a man.

It just seemed cool to
work for a badass woman

like Hawkins for once.
But whatever, I'm good.

Also, I spiked your gum with caffeine.

How?

Face it, Charles, we
couldn't make 'em get along.

We failed as parents.

Why did I think I knew what I was doing?

Poor Nikolaj. His life is ruined.

My God, you two are fools.

[LAUGHS]

Your folly was in
treating them as children.

Of course, we should've
been treating 'em like adults.

No, wrong again.

They're not children. They're not adults.

They're animals. Filthy, wild animals…

And they need to be treated accordingly.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it right now!

But he won't let me…

-[SHOUTING]
-[YELPING]

-[GROWLING]
-[WHIMPERING]

You two gonna be friends now?
No? Okay, fine, yeah.

Who wants a cookie? Ah-ah-ah!

Let me hear you apologize.

I'm sorry. Uh, better apology, please.

I'm sorry for neglecting our friendship.

You're my best friend. Your turn.

Well, I'm sorry too.
You're my best friend.

Good boys!

Stay. Stay, stay.

Eat it!

God, I'm gonna make a great dad someday.

You got Ocampo?

Oh, yeah.

And you'll never guess
where we found him.

In the bathroom… Not going,

he was hiding. I ruined the story.

Did he give you any info about
the Golden Gang bank robbers?

No, we thought we'd leave that to you.

Well, I appreciate that.

So, who found him?

Who's gonna join my squad? Jake.

Thank you, Rosa, for introducing me.

Yes, I am Jake, and I'm announcing that

the person joining your
task force is Detective Diaz.

What? No, you found him.

Because you said we should split up.
It was the correct call.

Yeah, but you brought him in. You won.

Agree to disagree. I say you won.

I think you won. I say you won.

DIAZ: Dude, you clearly won… Shut up!

You've got each other's backs.
I like that.

Loyalty is the most
important thing to me,

so I tell you what I'm gonna do.

How about I'm gonna put
you both on the task force?

Oh.

Okay, whatever. That works, I guess.

It's a fine idea.
Not that we really cared.

I wasn't really listening.
What are we talking about?

-[BOTH SCREAMING]
-We got it!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Wait a minute. Are we hugging?
Have we ever done this before?

No, and if you tell
anyone, I'll slit your throat.

Oh. Thank you so much, Jake.

Please.
I'm just glad you finally get to work

for a woman as badass as you are.

And as a man, I'd like to apologize

for my gender's history… Don't ruin it.

Okay. Come on, I'll buy you a drink

that doesn't have any pills in it.

Sounds good, but I wish
you hadn't mentioned liquid.

Now I have to pee.

I promise you I will never
drink water ever again.

Thank God. It's the worst.

BRB.

HAWKINS: Did you tell 'em anything?

OCAMPO: No, they have
no idea what's really going on.

HAWKINS: Pretty.

See how much you can
get me for these, hmm?

Try not to get caught this time.

[WHISPERING] Oh, no.

She dirty.