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1
00:00:04,591 --> 00:00:05,592
[SIGHS]
2
00:00:07,303 --> 00:00:09,639
Oh, hello.
3
00:00:09,764 --> 00:00:11,314
Guys! Guys, guys, check it out.
4
00:00:11,474 --> 00:00:12,850
Hitchcock fell asleep in the break room,
5
00:00:12,934 --> 00:00:14,894
so I put his hand in
a bowl of warm water.
6
00:00:14,978 --> 00:00:16,353
Come on, man.
That's the stupidest prank ever.
7
00:00:16,437 --> 00:00:19,983
Uh, no, it's the smartest,
because it involves biology.
8
00:00:20,067 --> 00:00:22,152
I bet it worked already. Let's go check.
9
00:00:23,237 --> 00:00:24,279
Hitchcock, no!
10
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He's drowning. He's drowning!
11
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JEFFORDS: Save him, man!
12
00:00:27,449 --> 00:00:28,993
-[GRUNTS]
-[GASPING]
13
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I take it back, Jake. Great prank.
14
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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
15
00:00:52,518 --> 00:00:55,980
Is everyone packed for the 28th Annual
Tri-State Police Officer's Convention?
16
00:00:56,064 --> 00:00:57,565
I hear Bill Powell is giving a lecture
17
00:00:57,649 --> 00:01:00,735
on advances in appellate
court e-filing techniques.
18
00:01:00,819 --> 00:01:02,445
Whew. Talk about "can't miss".
19
00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:03,905
Yeah, we don't really go for the talks.
20
00:01:03,989 --> 00:01:07,159
We're more interested
in the extracurriculars.
21
00:01:07,243 --> 00:01:08,661
-Fart-five.
-[BOTH BLOW RASPBERRY]
22
00:01:08,745 --> 00:01:11,080
Of course, Rochester has
much to offer in that sphere.
23
00:01:11,164 --> 00:01:13,165
For instance, its famed
thermometer museum.
24
00:01:13,249 --> 00:01:15,376
"Thermometer museum"? Uh, no, thanky.
25
00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:17,837
Here's what we are all about.
26
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One, free hotel rooms.
27
00:01:19,298 --> 00:01:21,174
I get to sleep in a bed by myself.
28
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No wife, no kids,
29
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just Terry starfishing on a Cal King!
30
00:01:24,678 --> 00:01:26,846
Two, a huge hall full
of cool police tech.
31
00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:28,724
Last year, I got to try out a heat ray.
32
00:01:28,808 --> 00:01:31,852
Three, the Buffalo PD
always throws an insane party.
33
00:01:31,936 --> 00:01:34,772
Last year, Amy got so drunk, she
jumped a police horse into the pool.
34
00:01:34,856 --> 00:01:36,607
Eight-drink Amy is an equestrian.
35
00:01:36,691 --> 00:01:37,817
And she's real bad at it.
36
00:01:37,901 --> 00:01:39,778
This isn't an excuse for you to party.
37
00:01:39,862 --> 00:01:42,698
This is a police convention,
not the Newport Folk Festival.
38
00:01:42,782 --> 00:01:44,700
Come on, sir, it's been a hard year.
39
00:01:44,784 --> 00:01:47,160
I mean, frankly, we could all use
a party to blow off some steam.
40
00:01:47,244 --> 00:01:48,453
First, we were on the night shift,
41
00:01:48,537 --> 00:01:50,247
then the precinct almost got shut down.
42
00:01:50,331 --> 00:01:52,083
I got hit by a bus!
43
00:01:52,167 --> 00:01:53,251
Well, we have been through a lot,
44
00:01:53,335 --> 00:01:56,588
but, frankly, our
reputation has taken a hit.
45
00:01:56,672 --> 00:01:57,880
That's why I'm running for a seat
46
00:01:57,964 --> 00:01:59,215
on the convention's board of directors.
47
00:01:59,299 --> 00:02:01,843
If I win, it will look
good for the precinct.
48
00:02:01,927 --> 00:02:05,098
So, please, don't do anything
to jeopardize that. Understood?
49
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:06,891
Dismissed.
50
00:02:08,309 --> 00:02:09,560
That's a big old bummer.
51
00:02:09,644 --> 00:02:10,894
All right. Everybody, just relax.
52
00:02:10,978 --> 00:02:12,605
We're still gonna have a great time.
53
00:02:12,689 --> 00:02:13,897
If there's one thing I know,
54
00:02:13,981 --> 00:02:14,983
it's how to sneak out to a party
55
00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:16,901
without your parents finding out.
56
00:02:16,985 --> 00:02:19,279
I used to do it all the time.
57
00:02:19,363 --> 00:02:20,713
Well, I did it a few times.
58
00:02:21,615 --> 00:02:22,741
Once,
59
00:02:22,825 --> 00:02:24,925
to go to a
Magic: The Gathering tournament.
60
00:02:25,035 --> 00:02:27,455
I got stuck in the window like
Winnie-the-Pooh. There! Okay?
61
00:02:27,539 --> 00:02:29,791
Now you know everything.
62
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:33,252
My mom had to pull me back in
by my ponytail. All right, let's party!
63
00:02:33,336 --> 00:02:34,503
JEFFORDS: What is taking so long
64
00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:36,547
with those keys?
I gotta hit that pillow top.
65
00:02:36,631 --> 00:02:37,798
It's starfish o'clock.
66
00:02:37,882 --> 00:02:38,925
Guys, guys, they're here.
67
00:02:39,009 --> 00:02:42,804
Hey, hey. What's up, BPD,
aka Buffalo Party Department?
68
00:02:42,888 --> 00:02:44,931
[LAUGHS] That is gold.
69
00:02:45,015 --> 00:02:46,475
You guys coming tonight, right?
70
00:02:46,559 --> 00:02:48,810
Obviously.
It's the only reason any of us are cops.
71
00:02:48,894 --> 00:02:53,024
All right, Detectives, here are
your room assignments, uh…
72
00:02:53,150 --> 00:02:54,859
Wait a minute, what's going on here?
73
00:02:54,943 --> 00:02:56,110
You guys planning a party? What?
74
00:02:56,194 --> 00:02:58,863
No, we're just debating our
favorite parts of the conference.
75
00:02:58,947 --> 00:03:01,993
He likes his Q&As moderated.
I like mine unmoderated.
76
00:03:02,368 --> 00:03:03,410
Why is that?
77
00:03:03,494 --> 00:03:05,747
I just… I'm just…
78
00:03:06,539 --> 00:03:08,458
Sick of the moderator bias.
79
00:03:10,752 --> 00:03:12,962
I couldn't agree more.
Your story checks out.
80
00:03:13,756 --> 00:03:14,839
[WHISPERING] See you at the party.
81
00:03:14,923 --> 00:03:16,223
Let's check out some tech.
82
00:03:17,134 --> 00:03:19,928
Ooh, look, this is a
long-range heartbeat detector.
83
00:03:20,012 --> 00:03:22,097
You can hear a human pulse through walls.
84
00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:25,393
Oh. Whoa. Oh, I'm so sorry, excuse me.
85
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,896
Oh, my God. It's like a she-Scully.
86
00:03:28,062 --> 00:03:30,815
I'm hi… Uh, Norm.
87
00:03:30,899 --> 00:03:32,525
Who are you? Shatz.
88
00:03:32,984 --> 00:03:34,610
Cindy Shatz.
89
00:03:34,694 --> 00:03:35,736
Scully, shake her hand.
90
00:03:35,820 --> 00:03:37,739
Oh, uh. Here I go.
91
00:03:37,823 --> 00:03:38,824
Meet to please you, Shatz.
92
00:03:38,908 --> 00:03:39,908
Your hands are so clammy.
93
00:03:39,992 --> 00:03:41,993
I ate a bunch of clams
earlier and they still smell.
94
00:03:42,077 --> 00:03:43,078
Yeah. That's not what she meant.
95
00:03:43,162 --> 00:03:44,288
No, it was.
96
00:03:44,497 --> 00:03:46,915
Anyway, it was so nice to meet you.
97
00:03:46,999 --> 00:03:48,042
Why?
98
00:03:48,835 --> 00:03:51,546
Okay, I'll see you around.
99
00:03:54,216 --> 00:03:57,844
Guys, I was just talking to that
amazing woman and I blacked out.
100
00:03:57,928 --> 00:04:00,222
Did I get her number? No, you chunked it.
101
00:04:00,348 --> 00:04:03,559
Of course, I did. I'm no Hitchcock
when it comes to the ladies.
102
00:04:03,684 --> 00:04:05,310
You don't want to be. Oh, he's fearless.
103
00:04:05,394 --> 00:04:07,855
I once saw him ask out
a breastfeeding mother.
104
00:04:07,939 --> 00:04:10,816
Ooh, look, it's a robot that
can patrol an empty building
105
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:11,901
all by itself.
106
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:15,029
[GASPS] Oh, no. This is how it starts.
107
00:04:15,113 --> 00:04:16,614
It's Skynet all over again.
108
00:04:16,698 --> 00:04:17,741
Here, let's wait here a second
109
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,925
and see if our future selves
show up and tell us to destroy it.
110
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,248
Nope. Looks like we're in the clear.
It's kind of cute.
111
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:27,335
Hey, check it out.
It's called "the Wasp."
112
00:04:27,544 --> 00:04:29,211
It's for dispersing
crowds of young people.
113
00:04:29,295 --> 00:04:31,881
It emits a sound that you can
only hear if you're 35 or under.
114
00:04:31,965 --> 00:04:33,465
-[HIGH-PITCHED TONE]
-[SCREAMING]
115
00:04:34,133 --> 00:04:35,385
[BOTH SCREAMING]
116
00:04:35,469 --> 00:04:37,846
I also hate the sound
that I definitely hear.
117
00:04:37,930 --> 00:04:40,180
Me, too.
It's so high-pitched, or low-pitched!
118
00:04:40,307 --> 00:04:42,976
[SIGHS] That was bogus to the extreme.
119
00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:44,895
So bogus. Not tubular.
120
00:04:44,979 --> 00:04:47,022
My ears are ringing from
the pain of being young.
121
00:04:47,106 --> 00:04:48,149
So not gnarly.
122
00:04:48,358 --> 00:04:50,318
Captain, you missed the tech expo.
123
00:04:50,402 --> 00:04:51,736
We got all this swag.
124
00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:54,071
Six tote bags. Terry can tote anything.
125
00:04:54,155 --> 00:04:55,865
Look, point at something, I'll tote it!
126
00:04:55,949 --> 00:04:58,201
Oh, no. Hold still.
127
00:04:59,871 --> 00:05:01,830
I'm gonna hide behind
you like you're a tree.
128
00:05:01,914 --> 00:05:03,332
Uh, why are you doing that?
129
00:05:03,416 --> 00:05:04,583
On the other side of your trunk
130
00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:08,045
is the worst person I've ever
met, Captain Jeffrey Bouché.
131
00:05:08,129 --> 00:05:09,797
The living embodiment of evil.
132
00:05:09,922 --> 00:05:13,176
Raymond Holt, as I live and breathe!
133
00:05:13,260 --> 00:05:15,178
You have not aged a day.
134
00:05:15,262 --> 00:05:17,096
So, how's Kevin? How's Cheddar?
135
00:05:17,180 --> 00:05:18,181
Come on. Tell me everything.
136
00:05:18,265 --> 00:05:19,390
Kevin is fine. Cheddar is a dog,
137
00:05:19,474 --> 00:05:21,100
he has no concept of good or bad.
138
00:05:21,184 --> 00:05:24,438
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
He's a very clever dog. [CHUCKLES]
139
00:05:24,522 --> 00:05:27,274
Hey, I wanted to tell you that I am
also running for the board of directors.
140
00:05:27,358 --> 00:05:28,442
You are what?
141
00:05:28,526 --> 00:05:29,944
Yeah.
I had no idea that you were running,
142
00:05:30,028 --> 00:05:31,153
but, listen, it doesn't matter,
143
00:05:31,237 --> 00:05:32,404
'cause you're gonna win, anyway.
144
00:05:32,488 --> 00:05:34,366
I mean, you're Ray Holt. [LAUGHS]
145
00:05:34,617 --> 00:05:36,994
Well, look, I gotta go.
I will see you soon.
146
00:05:37,202 --> 00:05:38,829
I hope not. [CHUCKLING]
147
00:05:38,913 --> 00:05:40,872
You're being a little
harsh on him, Captain.
148
00:05:40,956 --> 00:05:43,542
I've been up for promotions
against that man on six occasions.
149
00:05:43,626 --> 00:05:47,964
And he's prevailed every single time.
Why? Because he's a snake.
150
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,924
Isn't it possible he gets promotions
151
00:05:50,008 --> 00:05:52,677
because he's nice and people like him?
152
00:05:52,761 --> 00:05:54,679
Please. I hate to say this about anyone,
153
00:05:54,763 --> 00:05:55,972
let alone a fellow officer,
154
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,142
but that man is full of bologna.
155
00:05:58,434 --> 00:06:00,144
"Baloney." You're right.
156
00:06:00,269 --> 00:06:03,647
He's so vile, we should use the
crude Americanization of the word.
157
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,107
He's full of baloney.
158
00:06:05,483 --> 00:06:08,277
Holt went to bed early, 'cause
his big speech is in the morning.
159
00:06:08,361 --> 00:06:09,863
Well, how do you know
he's in for the night?
160
00:06:09,947 --> 00:06:12,198
Because his breakfast order
is hanging on the doorknob.
161
00:06:12,282 --> 00:06:14,993
"Water, comma, hot.
Muffin, comma, English."
162
00:06:15,077 --> 00:06:18,455
And that means it's time for
us to "hard, comma, party."
163
00:06:19,957 --> 00:06:20,958
Hey, what happened?
164
00:06:21,042 --> 00:06:22,459
Sorry, bro. They busted us.
165
00:06:22,543 --> 00:06:23,544
'Cause the party got too crazy?
166
00:06:23,628 --> 00:06:24,712
Yeah, totally.
167
00:06:24,796 --> 00:06:26,005
They've been taking bribes.
168
00:06:26,089 --> 00:06:27,089
No, it was because of the party.
169
00:06:27,173 --> 00:06:28,507
That's what you should tell everyone.
170
00:06:28,591 --> 00:06:31,010
[SIGHS] Oh, no!
171
00:06:31,094 --> 00:06:32,394
The party's not happening?
172
00:06:32,553 --> 00:06:37,183
That means we're just in a hotel
in Rochester. This is a nightmare.
173
00:06:37,267 --> 00:06:39,060
I learned a bunch of new
dance moves for tonight.
174
00:06:39,144 --> 00:06:40,645
Ones where you move your butt!
175
00:06:40,729 --> 00:06:43,273
Screw this. I'm gonna get a ride
back to Brooklyn with some drifter.
176
00:06:43,357 --> 00:06:44,901
No. We came here to blow off steam
177
00:06:44,985 --> 00:06:46,068
and we're not gonna give up yet.
178
00:06:46,152 --> 00:06:47,820
'Cause we're the Nine-Nine.
179
00:06:47,904 --> 00:06:50,904
We're gonna take matters into
our own hands, Nine-Nine style.
180
00:06:50,991 --> 00:06:53,951
That's right, my friends.
The Nine-Nine is throwing a…
181
00:06:54,035 --> 00:06:55,996
-Babe, can I borrow $200 for alcohol?
-SANTIAGO: Mmm-hmm.
182
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,957
The Nine-Nine is throwing a party!
183
00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:03,712
Okay, I talked to some of
the vendors at the tech expo,
184
00:07:03,796 --> 00:07:05,380
and they agreed to
hook us up for the party.
185
00:07:05,464 --> 00:07:08,677
Check it out. Disco lights. Sound system.
186
00:07:09,386 --> 00:07:13,139
And beer cooler…
Leak-free, insulated body bag.
187
00:07:13,223 --> 00:07:15,600
Our beer is dying to get inside.
[GIGGLES]
188
00:07:15,684 --> 00:07:16,976
JEFFORDS: I don't know, man.
189
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:18,686
Holt didn't want us going to a party,
190
00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:20,481
he certainly doesn't
want us throwing one.
191
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,607
Poor, simple Terry.
192
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,443
For such a bemuscled specimen,
you certainly do frighten easily.
193
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,236
I promise you, Holt won't find out.
194
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:27,863
His room is all the way
across the hotel from ours.
195
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,240
He insisted, so he'd have a
view of the Rochester skyline.
196
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:32,327
Ah, drink it in, Peralta.
197
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,621
The Mustard City.
198
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,499
Besides, if he does leave his
room, my new partner will warn me.
199
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,168
New partner? K-13.
200
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,669
Hello. It's a robot!
201
00:07:40,753 --> 00:07:42,504
I can program it to
wait outside Holt's door,
202
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:44,382
and if there's any movement,
it'll send us an alert.
203
00:07:44,466 --> 00:07:47,259
All right, I'm in.
But only because your robot is so cool.
204
00:07:47,343 --> 00:07:48,761
I don't know, it's not that cool.
205
00:07:48,845 --> 00:07:50,554
I mean, all he's doing is standing guard.
206
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:52,139
-I mean, I could do that.
-PERALTA: Awesome.
207
00:07:52,223 --> 00:07:54,433
If you do that, then K-13
can come to the party.
208
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:56,269
[ROBOT VOICE] "I am
programmed to boogie my butt."
209
00:07:56,353 --> 00:08:01,484
No, I'm going to the party!
People prefer me over a robot! Right?
210
00:08:02,818 --> 00:08:04,778
Hey. Going pretty good, right?
211
00:08:04,862 --> 00:08:07,448
Hell, yes!
It's like a Bonnie Raitt concert in here.
212
00:08:07,532 --> 00:08:08,783
No. Hey.
213
00:08:08,867 --> 00:08:10,743
We're about to do the Taser
Challenge, you guys want in?
214
00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:11,953
What's the Taser Challenge?
215
00:08:12,037 --> 00:08:13,287
We Tase each other, then drink.
216
00:08:13,371 --> 00:08:14,747
How do you win? What are you, a lawyer?
217
00:08:14,831 --> 00:08:16,874
You want in, or not? Yeah, Terry.
What are you, a lawyer?
218
00:08:16,958 --> 00:08:19,378
It's Tasers.
Let's get Tased at a party, man. Come on.
219
00:08:19,462 --> 00:08:23,048
She's here. She's here.
Cindy Shatz is here. What do I do?
220
00:08:23,132 --> 00:08:25,426
My face is so wet and my mouth is so dry.
221
00:08:25,593 --> 00:08:27,845
Okay. Calm down. Remember, be direct.
222
00:08:27,929 --> 00:08:29,471
Women don't like to play a lot of games.
223
00:08:29,555 --> 00:08:31,099
I think we gotta start simpler.
224
00:08:31,183 --> 00:08:34,310
Okay, Scully, smile at her, don't fart.
225
00:08:34,394 --> 00:08:36,271
He knows not to…
Oh, you're writing that down.
226
00:08:36,355 --> 00:08:37,731
This is good stuff. What else you got?
227
00:08:37,815 --> 00:08:39,274
Don't talk about your foot fungus.
228
00:08:39,358 --> 00:08:40,650
Don't talk about your eye fungus.
229
00:08:40,734 --> 00:08:42,611
Let's just say fungus is off the table.
230
00:08:42,695 --> 00:08:45,156
Oh. No, see, you just wrote
the word "fungus" down,
231
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,241
and I feel like we're barreling
towards a misunderstanding.
232
00:08:47,325 --> 00:08:49,660
Draw a circle around it,
and then put a line through it.
233
00:08:49,744 --> 00:08:51,495
-There you go.
-SANTIAGO: Believe in yourself.
234
00:08:51,579 --> 00:08:53,832
Be confident.
You're a sweet guy with a big heart.
235
00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:56,752
It's the size of a giraffe's.
It pushes on my other organs.
236
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:57,878
Okay. You got this.
237
00:08:58,045 --> 00:08:59,337
Don't talk about the giraffe heart.
238
00:08:59,421 --> 00:09:01,549
All right! Get out of here! [LAUGHS]
239
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:04,551
Hi, Cindy. Hey.
240
00:09:04,635 --> 00:09:06,512
So, guess what my eye
and foot have in common?
241
00:09:06,596 --> 00:09:07,597
What?
242
00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:09,307
Uh.
243
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:13,228
I can't say. Well, bye.
244
00:09:15,105 --> 00:09:16,397
ALL: Chug! Chug! Chug!
245
00:09:16,481 --> 00:09:18,358
Jake, this party is insane!
246
00:09:18,442 --> 00:09:21,320
Forget Bonnie Raitt, it's like
the video to Love Shack in here!
247
00:09:21,404 --> 00:09:22,488
-This is the greatest.
-[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]
248
00:09:22,572 --> 00:09:23,573
Oh!
249
00:09:24,323 --> 00:09:26,283
Oh, God. It's my new partner.
250
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,534
You guys are texting each other now?
251
00:09:27,618 --> 00:09:28,703
It sends alerts.
252
00:09:28,787 --> 00:09:30,455
Holt left his room. He's on his way here.
253
00:09:30,539 --> 00:09:33,374
We gotta get everyone out of the hallway.
All right, be quiet!
254
00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:34,584
Everybody be quiet!
255
00:09:34,668 --> 00:09:35,960
They're not listening to you.
256
00:09:36,044 --> 00:09:37,879
Where's Amy? She's great at shushing!
257
00:09:37,963 --> 00:09:40,049
Wait. All these dumdums are under 35.
258
00:09:41,342 --> 00:09:42,927
Let's use the Wasp. No!
259
00:09:43,011 --> 00:09:44,303
It'll hurt my young little ears so much.
260
00:09:44,387 --> 00:09:45,847
Ah, come on.
261
00:09:46,639 --> 00:09:47,640
[HIGH-PITCHED TONE]
262
00:09:48,391 --> 00:09:50,476
Attention! Our boss is headed this way.
263
00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,312
Everyone has to clear
the hallway right now.
264
00:09:52,396 --> 00:09:53,438
[CROWD GRUMBLING]
265
00:09:53,522 --> 00:09:55,441
-Shh!
-[GRUMBLING STOPS]
266
00:09:55,691 --> 00:09:57,484
Wow. She is great at shushing.
267
00:09:57,568 --> 00:09:58,944
I know. She's like a librarian.
268
00:09:59,028 --> 00:10:00,862
You mean, like a sexy librarian? No.
269
00:10:00,946 --> 00:10:02,114
A regular one.
270
00:10:02,198 --> 00:10:05,118
Everyone, you will go in the
rooms and you will go right now!
271
00:10:05,202 --> 00:10:06,652
Don't make me count to three.
272
00:10:17,632 --> 00:10:18,883
Hey, Captain, what's up?
273
00:10:19,050 --> 00:10:20,259
Uh, which room is Sergeant Jeffords'?
274
00:10:20,343 --> 00:10:22,052
Oh, Terry's in here with me and Amy.
275
00:10:22,136 --> 00:10:23,262
You know, just having a low-key night,
276
00:10:23,346 --> 00:10:25,013
watching House Hunters International.
277
00:10:25,097 --> 00:10:27,308
This orthodontist wants to live in Panama
278
00:10:27,392 --> 00:10:29,519
with his strangely old
wife, and won't say why.
279
00:10:29,603 --> 00:10:31,403
Can I talk to him? Oh, let me check.
280
00:10:34,942 --> 00:10:37,360
Yeah, no, he's asleep.
Can I help you with something?
281
00:10:37,444 --> 00:10:39,113
I'm concerned that my presentation isn't
282
00:10:39,197 --> 00:10:40,739
jazzy enough to compete with Jeffrey's.
283
00:10:40,823 --> 00:10:42,491
He's such a showman. Yeah.
284
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:45,578
I'm thinking about
augmenting the graphs with, um
285
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:48,581
color. Sir!
286
00:10:48,665 --> 00:10:50,375
I know. I'm debasing myself.
287
00:10:50,459 --> 00:10:52,836
Anyway, give this to Jeffords.
288
00:10:53,045 --> 00:10:55,338
He's the artist, I'd like
him to choose the, um…
289
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,590
Color? All right. Yes.
290
00:10:56,674 --> 00:10:57,716
[GROANS]
291
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,760
Time to turn in. Nighty-night.
292
00:11:01,553 --> 00:11:03,139
Okay, he's gone.
293
00:11:03,265 --> 00:11:05,349
Now, I just gotta wait for
K-13 to give us the all-clear.
294
00:11:05,433 --> 00:11:06,767
Yeah, I wouldn't hold your breath.
295
00:11:06,851 --> 00:11:08,644
Dumb robot probably
rolled into the stairwell.
296
00:11:08,728 --> 00:11:10,438
That's why you shouldn't
be best friends with this…
297
00:11:10,522 --> 00:11:13,107
-[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]
-K-13 says we are "G" to "G." Amy?
298
00:11:13,191 --> 00:11:15,277
The shush is lifted. Party time!
299
00:11:15,361 --> 00:11:16,737
[ALL CHEERING]
300
00:11:17,571 --> 00:11:19,323
Beer me!
301
00:11:20,074 --> 00:11:21,075
[THUDDING]
302
00:11:22,410 --> 00:11:23,703
Yeah!
303
00:11:34,548 --> 00:11:35,549
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
304
00:11:42,974 --> 00:11:44,183
Hey, Captain.
305
00:11:44,267 --> 00:11:45,559
Are you just waking up? It's 11 a.m.
306
00:11:45,643 --> 00:11:47,645
[CHUCKLES] No, no,
307
00:11:47,729 --> 00:11:50,649
I'm just tired 'cause, um, I
worked out so much this morning.
308
00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:52,943
Ah.
You know, squat 400 on the bench push.
309
00:11:53,027 --> 00:11:54,778
Fitness. And whatnot. What's up?
310
00:11:54,862 --> 00:11:56,613
I need my laptop.
I want to practice my speech
311
00:11:56,697 --> 00:11:57,948
with the new colors beforehand,
312
00:11:58,032 --> 00:11:59,491
so I'm not alarmed when they pop up.
313
00:11:59,575 --> 00:12:03,371
Right, right. Um, I know that
Terry definitely did do that work.
314
00:12:03,455 --> 00:12:04,872
So, I'll just go grab him. Okay.
315
00:12:04,956 --> 00:12:07,056
You wait here. You can't come in because…
316
00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:10,712
Amy's naked, and she's
embarrassed of her weird body.
317
00:12:13,257 --> 00:12:16,761
Terry? Terry?
318
00:12:17,011 --> 00:12:19,096
[GROANS] Why's my tongue so big?
319
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:20,305
Because you're a big person.
320
00:12:20,389 --> 00:12:21,848
Holt is here. He wants his presentation.
321
00:12:21,932 --> 00:12:24,477
The presentation! I didn't do it!
322
00:12:24,561 --> 00:12:27,355
Okay, I just need to add color,
that'll only take two minutes.
323
00:12:27,439 --> 00:12:29,024
Stall him. Okay. No problem.
324
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,025
I've definitely got two
minutes' worth of stall material.
325
00:12:31,109 --> 00:12:33,445
Okay. Sarge will be right out.
326
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,407
In the meantime, why
don't you and I just chat,
327
00:12:36,699 --> 00:12:38,618
you know, for a couple minutes about
328
00:12:39,869 --> 00:12:41,829
brumst.
329
00:12:41,913 --> 00:12:43,122
"Brumst"?
330
00:12:43,581 --> 00:12:44,665
Hold on.
331
00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:48,378
I couldn't stall him.
He's too good. It's not my fault.
332
00:12:48,462 --> 00:12:49,504
Where are you on the presentation?
333
00:12:49,588 --> 00:12:53,175
Jake, Holt's laptop isn't here.
It's gone!
334
00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:58,596
Where are you on my graphs?
The presentation is in 90 minutes.
335
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:00,975
I'm definitely all done. But I'm worried.
336
00:13:01,309 --> 00:13:04,103
If you're going up against
Jeffrey, will color be enough?
337
00:13:04,187 --> 00:13:06,773
I was thinking slide transitions.
338
00:13:06,981 --> 00:13:08,066
Oh, good grief.
339
00:13:08,566 --> 00:13:10,234
Very well. You may add cross dissolves.
340
00:13:10,318 --> 00:13:13,071
But, so help me God, Jeffords,
if I see even one star wipe…
341
00:13:13,155 --> 00:13:14,448
I just need a half an hour.
342
00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:15,574
Perhaps I should supervise?
343
00:13:15,658 --> 00:13:17,367
No, you should clear your head.
344
00:13:17,451 --> 00:13:19,286
Work out!
Rosa was just headed to the gym.
345
00:13:19,370 --> 00:13:21,220
She'll keep you there. Be right back.
346
00:13:22,081 --> 00:13:24,751
Rosa, I need you to work out with
Holt for the next half hour, cool?
347
00:13:24,835 --> 00:13:26,336
[GRUNTING]
348
00:13:26,545 --> 00:13:28,045
Great, I'll get your sneakers.
349
00:13:29,089 --> 00:13:31,383
This is invigorating, isn't it?
350
00:13:31,508 --> 00:13:32,968
[GROANING]
351
00:13:34,387 --> 00:13:37,014
I can't believe you lost
the Captain's laptop.
352
00:13:37,098 --> 00:13:39,099
You were kind of out
of control last night.
353
00:13:39,183 --> 00:13:42,644
I was not. Although…
Pretty sure my ribs are broken.
354
00:13:42,728 --> 00:13:45,105
And I think I'm wearing a
pillowcase I cut holes in as a shirt.
355
00:13:45,189 --> 00:13:48,819
We have to think.
Does anyone remember having the laptop?
356
00:13:49,153 --> 00:13:51,696
Wait!
We all left the room and went somewhere,
357
00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:53,615
and I didn't want to
leave the computer behind
358
00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,450
with so many strangers, so I took it.
359
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,034
Yes. Charles, you're a genius!
360
00:13:57,202 --> 00:14:00,289
All right.
We gotta split up and search the hotel.
361
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:04,043
Wait a minute.
Why's my shoe all wet? The pool!
362
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:08,214
Damn it! No sign of the laptop.
What were we doing here?
363
00:14:08,298 --> 00:14:11,051
Look, there's Jake's shirt.
It looks burnt.
364
00:14:11,135 --> 00:14:12,135
Because I was on fire!
365
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,596
Hence the pillow shirt.
It's all coming back to me.
366
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,016
I'm a human torch!
367
00:14:18,893 --> 00:14:21,144
Nope, it was just that one memory.
This was a dead end.
368
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,480
I remember why you were on fire.
369
00:14:22,564 --> 00:14:23,981
The state troopers brought fireworks!
370
00:14:24,065 --> 00:14:26,275
Yes! We're unraveling the mystery.
It's like we're detectives!
371
00:14:26,359 --> 00:14:27,610
We are detectives. Right!
372
00:14:27,694 --> 00:14:30,144
Another thing we remembered!
This is going great!
373
00:14:31,364 --> 00:14:34,034
Raymond!
Of course you have beaten me to the gym.
374
00:14:34,118 --> 00:14:36,286
You live life right. It's amazing.
375
00:14:36,370 --> 00:14:38,205
Work out your legs,
Jeffrey, not your mouth.
376
00:14:38,289 --> 00:14:39,581
[CHUCKLES]
377
00:14:39,665 --> 00:14:40,958
You are hilarious.
378
00:14:41,042 --> 00:14:43,293
I am so psyched for your
presentation to the board.
379
00:14:43,377 --> 00:14:44,461
I'm sure it's gonna be amazing.
380
00:14:44,545 --> 00:14:47,132
I'm gonna crush you like
a can of diet seltzer water.
381
00:14:47,216 --> 00:14:50,302
I don't doubt it.
Well, I'm off to do some squats.
382
00:14:51,303 --> 00:14:52,346
Dumbass.
383
00:14:54,097 --> 00:14:55,890
Okay. So, this is definitely where
384
00:14:55,974 --> 00:14:58,519
we set off the fireworks,
but still no laptop.
385
00:14:58,603 --> 00:15:00,146
How did I catch on fire?
386
00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:03,065
Oh, no. I just remembered something.
387
00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:04,234
Terry feels bad.
388
00:15:05,026 --> 00:15:06,068
[CRASHING]
389
00:15:06,152 --> 00:15:07,362
What the hell was that?
390
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:12,201
[SCREAMING]
391
00:15:12,326 --> 00:15:13,327
[JEFFORDS SCREAMING]
392
00:15:13,911 --> 00:15:16,956
Hence the chest pain!
But what was that loud crash?
393
00:15:17,289 --> 00:15:18,623
I think that might have been me.
394
00:15:18,707 --> 00:15:20,585
See you in hell, partner.
395
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:22,921
[CRASHING]
396
00:15:23,338 --> 00:15:24,839
You killed her? "Her"?
397
00:15:25,048 --> 00:15:28,551
Oh my God, it was a "her"!
You were replacing Amy, not me!
398
00:15:28,635 --> 00:15:29,719
What have I done?
399
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:31,012
Wait. The robot has a camera.
400
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,598
Maybe she saw who took the laptop.
401
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:33,832
There's the laptop bag.
402
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,894
You think you're so much better than me?
403
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:39,021
You're right.
I'm just gonna fast-forward.
404
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:42,858
Hey, robot, I got something really
cool to show you on the balcony.
405
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,742
I think you're really gonna like it.
406
00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:48,072
-[GRUNTS] Boy, you're heavy.
-Fast-forward.
407
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,658
Did you guys see that?
He put the bag down behind the plant.
408
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,202
Let's go.
409
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,329
Is it there? Is it there?
410
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,415
It's here! We did it!
411
00:15:56,499 --> 00:15:57,750
We found the bag!
412
00:15:58,001 --> 00:15:59,002
[BOTH LAUGHING]
413
00:15:59,419 --> 00:16:01,337
Wait. Hungover. No spinning. No spinning.
414
00:16:01,421 --> 00:16:03,256
Okay. [BREATHING HEAVILY]
415
00:16:04,215 --> 00:16:06,175
I'm good. [RETCHES] Oh!
416
00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:09,387
Aw, Scully, are you bummed about Cindy,
417
00:16:09,471 --> 00:16:11,765
or do you just feel at
home in a body bag?
418
00:16:11,849 --> 00:16:15,101
We use the same medicated powder.
I could smell it.
419
00:16:15,185 --> 00:16:16,269
She's my soul mate, Amy.
420
00:16:16,353 --> 00:16:18,940
So she doesn't like you. It happens.
421
00:16:19,024 --> 00:16:22,360
I mean, not to me, but not
everyone has my combination
422
00:16:22,444 --> 00:16:25,614
of elegance, and charm,
and grace, and poise,
423
00:16:25,739 --> 00:16:27,281
and then just GIF-ability.
424
00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:30,118
Some would say "jiff", but then
some would also say "syrup".
425
00:16:30,202 --> 00:16:32,704
Wait, what if we could give
Scully our personalities?
426
00:16:32,788 --> 00:16:34,582
[GASPS] He would love that.
427
00:16:34,749 --> 00:16:37,125
We could talk to him through an
earpiece and tell him what to say.
428
00:16:37,209 --> 00:16:40,295
Okay. But can we attach a string to it?
429
00:16:40,379 --> 00:16:42,429
Last time I wore an earpiece, it fell in.
430
00:16:42,674 --> 00:16:44,175
-SANTIAGO: How you doing, Scully?
-Nervous.
431
00:16:44,259 --> 00:16:47,220
I can feel my legs.
That never happens, something's wrong.
432
00:16:47,304 --> 00:16:49,604
Okay, just go up to her
and repeat what we say.
433
00:16:50,474 --> 00:16:52,684
Hi there. Scully, hey.
434
00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:54,186
-"Cindy…"
-Cindy…
435
00:16:54,270 --> 00:16:55,437
-"There's…"
-There's something I wanna say to you.
436
00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:56,855
"The moment I first saw you…"
437
00:16:56,939 --> 00:16:58,190
You took my breath away…
438
00:16:58,274 --> 00:17:00,109
-SANTIAGO: "Whenever I'm around you…"
-Whenever I'm around you
439
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,652
"my heart beats faster.
440
00:17:01,736 --> 00:17:02,778
"I know you're going home today,"
441
00:17:02,862 --> 00:17:05,155
but I couldn't let you leave
without asking you out.
442
00:17:05,239 --> 00:17:06,741
-"Cindy Shatz…"
-Cindy Shatz
443
00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:09,425
-"can I buy you a drink?"
-…can I buy you a drink?
444
00:17:10,913 --> 00:17:14,249
No, I'm sorry. I'm not interested.
445
00:17:14,541 --> 00:17:16,293
What? No!
446
00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:18,755
Guys! Earpiece fell in!
447
00:17:19,297 --> 00:17:20,631
What on earth took you so long?
448
00:17:20,715 --> 00:17:22,258
Yeah, where the frickin' hell were you?
449
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,509
I was trying to get the colors right,
450
00:17:23,593 --> 00:17:26,137
but in the end, I decided to just go
451
00:17:26,221 --> 00:17:27,805
with your original black and white.
452
00:17:27,889 --> 00:17:31,310
Yeah, it's probably even one
color too many. Anyways, in you go.
453
00:17:31,394 --> 00:17:32,395
[SIGHS]
454
00:17:33,062 --> 00:17:34,313
Looking good, Diaz. Bite me.
455
00:17:34,397 --> 00:17:35,397
Okay.
456
00:17:35,481 --> 00:17:37,149
Hello, I'm Captain Raymond Holt
457
00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:38,984
and if I had the pleasure
of joining your board,
458
00:17:39,068 --> 00:17:40,486
here are some of the things I would do.
459
00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:42,071
See? It all worked out.
460
00:17:42,155 --> 00:17:45,199
We threw a wild party with
absolutely zero consequences.
461
00:17:45,283 --> 00:17:46,952
Jake. Something's wrong.
462
00:17:47,285 --> 00:17:48,412
Oh. Um…
463
00:17:49,079 --> 00:17:52,333
Oh, I don't know how that
got in there, or what it is.
464
00:17:52,417 --> 00:17:53,876
Um, I'll just… Next slide.
465
00:17:54,335 --> 00:17:58,756
Well, that's strange.
Next slide. Next. Next.
466
00:17:59,090 --> 00:18:01,216
Oh. I see what's happening here.
467
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:03,218
Due to an issue with the Internet cloud,
468
00:18:03,302 --> 00:18:04,971
you are seeing a series of pictures
469
00:18:05,055 --> 00:18:09,017
that have nothing to do
with me or the 99th Precinct.
470
00:18:09,184 --> 00:18:11,311
I don't get it.
Who even took these pictures?
471
00:18:11,395 --> 00:18:12,521
I did!
472
00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:14,898
You guys should really
be a lot more careful
473
00:18:14,982 --> 00:18:16,776
about leaving laptops lying around.
474
00:18:18,069 --> 00:18:19,821
For next year. [CHUCKLES]
475
00:18:20,989 --> 00:18:22,449
Consequences.
476
00:18:24,826 --> 00:18:26,786
My, oh, my.
477
00:18:26,870 --> 00:18:29,831
Boyle, can you even tell me
what is happening in this picture?
478
00:18:29,915 --> 00:18:33,377
Uh, that's me doing a Jean-Claude
Van Damme split between two beds.
479
00:18:33,461 --> 00:18:34,961
I had to wear my
underwear for flexibility.
480
00:18:35,045 --> 00:18:37,631
Mmm-hmm. And, Santiago?
481
00:18:37,715 --> 00:18:40,259
I believe that is me
throwing up into a pillowcase.
482
00:18:40,343 --> 00:18:41,344
Uh-oh.
483
00:18:41,428 --> 00:18:42,845
HOLT: You have all
embarrassed the precinct.
484
00:18:42,929 --> 00:18:44,597
Now, when people think of the Nine-Nine,
485
00:18:44,681 --> 00:18:46,099
they'll think of, um…
486
00:18:46,183 --> 00:18:49,769
Oh, Detective Diaz
filling an iron with tequila.
487
00:18:49,853 --> 00:18:50,938
So I could make tequila steam.
488
00:18:51,022 --> 00:18:52,731
HOLT: I can't quite
believe I'm gonna say this,
489
00:18:52,815 --> 00:18:54,901
but I'm sorry I even came to Rochester.
490
00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:58,920
-[DOOR CLOSES]
-[SCULLY SOBS]
491
00:18:59,614 --> 00:19:01,657
Hey, it's all right, Scully, we'll
find a way to make it up to him.
492
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,618
No, it's not about him, Jake.
493
00:19:03,702 --> 00:19:06,621
I'm just sad because I'm
an unlovable sack of fungus
494
00:19:06,705 --> 00:19:08,255
and I'm gonna be alone forever.
495
00:19:08,499 --> 00:19:09,708
Oh. Um…
496
00:19:10,501 --> 00:19:12,419
Hey, there's probably someone out there…
497
00:19:12,503 --> 00:19:13,879
We got this. Oh, thank God.
498
00:19:14,589 --> 00:19:15,631
GINA: Wow.
499
00:19:15,715 --> 00:19:17,925
Pint of milk on the rocks.
A real Scully move.
500
00:19:18,009 --> 00:19:19,051
Can I help you?
501
00:19:19,135 --> 00:19:22,764
Hi, we're friends of Scully's.
And we're not sure why you rejected him.
502
00:19:22,889 --> 00:19:24,724
Now, we know Scully's not perfect.
503
00:19:24,808 --> 00:19:27,269
His hands smell like clams, and, yeah,
504
00:19:27,353 --> 00:19:29,771
over 75% of his body has died, and…
505
00:19:29,855 --> 00:19:31,481
Gina, you can stop listing things.
506
00:19:31,565 --> 00:19:34,693
The point is, he's a good guy.
You should give him a chance.
507
00:19:34,777 --> 00:19:37,655
I know.
When I first met him, I was intrigued.
508
00:19:37,739 --> 00:19:40,158
But then Mr. Confident showed up.
509
00:19:40,242 --> 00:19:43,661
I'm not interested in that.
Confident people are mean and selfish.
510
00:19:43,745 --> 00:19:46,789
Wait. You liked awkward Scully?
511
00:19:46,873 --> 00:19:48,124
Giraffe-heart Scully?
512
00:19:48,208 --> 00:19:50,461
Oh, my God. He has a giraffe heart?
513
00:19:50,545 --> 00:19:52,880
Aw, I bet it pushes on his organs.
514
00:19:53,005 --> 00:19:54,006
[LAUGHS]
515
00:19:55,258 --> 00:19:57,342
We'll be back in five minutes.
Wait right here.
516
00:19:57,426 --> 00:19:59,226
Bartender, can you top off her milk?
517
00:20:00,847 --> 00:20:02,474
Hey. Hey.
518
00:20:02,599 --> 00:20:04,058
You want to hear a joke? Okay.
519
00:20:04,142 --> 00:20:05,602
I don't know any jokes. I should go.
520
00:20:05,686 --> 00:20:08,438
Oh, that's okay.
I don't know any jokes, either.
521
00:20:09,731 --> 00:20:11,483
I slept in a body bag last night.
522
00:20:11,859 --> 00:20:12,861
[EXHALING]
523
00:20:13,945 --> 00:20:14,946
[KISSING]
524
00:20:15,572 --> 00:20:16,573
GINA: Whoa.
525
00:20:16,739 --> 00:20:18,699
They're so cute.
526
00:20:18,783 --> 00:20:21,160
Oh, no, Scully, don't put
your finger in her mouth.
527
00:20:21,244 --> 00:20:23,580
Oh. She likes it.
528
00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:29,753
Captain, I'm sorry that
things got out of hand.
529
00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,881
But you can still be on the board.
530
00:20:32,047 --> 00:20:33,965
I read 85 pages of the
convention bylaws and…
531
00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:36,677
That was unnecessary.
I don't want to be on the board.
532
00:20:36,761 --> 00:20:37,804
But I read bylaws.
533
00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:40,014
I want to show you a picture
from last night that really upset me.
534
00:20:40,098 --> 00:20:42,141
Okay, but, in my defense,
Rosa bet me 50 cents
535
00:20:42,225 --> 00:20:43,518
that I couldn't drink all that shampoo.
536
00:20:43,602 --> 00:20:45,770
That's not what I wanted…
You drank shampoo?
537
00:20:45,854 --> 00:20:48,816
What? No, you're the one farting bubbles.
538
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:50,567
This is what I wanted to show you.
539
00:20:50,651 --> 00:20:52,861
Do you know what disappoints
me most about this picture?
540
00:20:52,945 --> 00:20:53,988
That I'm not in it.
541
00:20:54,488 --> 00:20:58,450
I can't remember the last time
I saw the Nine-Nine so happy.
542
00:20:58,534 --> 00:20:59,535
And I wasn't there.
543
00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:01,621
'Cause you were working on
your presentation to get us a win.
544
00:21:01,705 --> 00:21:04,332
Yeah, well, it wasn't a real win.
545
00:21:04,416 --> 00:21:06,000
I wish I had been in that photo.
546
00:21:06,084 --> 00:21:10,255
I know. And I'm sorry you didn't
have more fun this weekend.
547
00:21:10,339 --> 00:21:11,924
But it's not over.
548
00:21:12,008 --> 00:21:14,218
And we are still in Rochester.
549
00:21:14,594 --> 00:21:15,678
What are you saying?
550
00:21:15,762 --> 00:21:17,412
I think you know what I'm saying.
551
00:21:17,931 --> 00:21:19,098
HOLT: What a thermometer!
552
00:21:19,182 --> 00:21:22,101
Look at the mercury
reservoir on that mamacita!
553
00:21:22,226 --> 00:21:25,648
Oh, Peralta, this is amazing.
I'm floating on air.
554
00:21:25,856 --> 00:21:27,774
Hey, everybody, get in for a picture.
555
00:21:27,858 --> 00:21:29,651
Excuse me, sir, can
you take a picture of us?
556
00:21:29,735 --> 00:21:30,736
Sure. Thanks.
557
00:21:30,945 --> 00:21:33,739
Everybody say, "Daniel
Gabriel Fahrenheit!"
558
00:21:33,864 --> 00:21:35,867
ALL: Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit!
42772
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