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1
00:00:02,286 --> 00:00:05,186
Okey doke, the car is picking
me and Amy up in two minutes.
2
00:00:05,288 --> 00:00:06,956
You sure you're cool
keeping tabs on my cases
3
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,040
while I'm on the cruise?
4
00:00:08,124 --> 00:00:09,917
You bet. I hope you have a great time.
5
00:00:10,001 --> 00:00:12,127
Hey, don't make any new best friends.
6
00:00:12,211 --> 00:00:13,212
[BOTH LAUGH]
7
00:00:14,088 --> 00:00:15,589
Oh. Maybe you shouldn't go.
8
00:00:15,673 --> 00:00:18,215
Are you kidding? I am psyched
to go on this week-long cruise,
9
00:00:18,299 --> 00:00:19,883
just sitting around doing nothing.
10
00:00:19,967 --> 00:00:21,969
Straight up living that slug life, y'all.
11
00:00:22,053 --> 00:00:24,220
Cruise itineraries,
hot off the laminator.
12
00:00:24,304 --> 00:00:26,889
Who's ready for some
nonstop totally scheduled fun?
13
00:00:26,973 --> 00:00:30,142
Oh. I actually thought we
could just sit by the pool,
14
00:00:30,226 --> 00:00:32,603
eat unlimited shrimp and
see what it does to our bodies.
15
00:00:32,687 --> 00:00:33,854
That's cute.
16
00:00:33,938 --> 00:00:35,230
I don't know if there's
gonna be time, though.
17
00:00:35,314 --> 00:00:37,148
The cruise offers 77 activities,
18
00:00:37,232 --> 00:00:39,234
and I signed us up for 76 of them.
19
00:00:39,734 --> 00:00:41,444
Speed dating for widows
seemed like a bummer.
20
00:00:41,528 --> 00:00:45,071
Okay, so slightly different
perspectives going into this cruise.
21
00:00:45,155 --> 00:00:47,407
Call it the slug life talking, but
I think it's gonna work itself out.
22
00:00:47,491 --> 00:00:50,284
Goodbye, coworkers, or
as they like to say at sea…
23
00:00:50,493 --> 00:00:51,893
[IMITATES SHIP HORN BLOWING]
24
00:00:53,037 --> 00:00:55,039
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
25
00:01:12,846 --> 00:01:13,971
SANTIAGO: This is so great.
26
00:01:14,055 --> 00:01:15,056
PERALTA: Yeah.
27
00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:16,556
Seagulls, check.
28
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,016
The ocean, check.
29
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:20,018
A gang of oldies in short shorts,
30
00:01:20,102 --> 00:01:21,436
check, check, check. [CHUCKLES]
31
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:22,978
We are definitely on a cruise.
32
00:01:23,062 --> 00:01:24,063
Welcome aboard.
33
00:01:24,313 --> 00:01:27,358
Say, "I love Carousel
Cruises International Ltd."
34
00:01:27,442 --> 00:01:29,359
I love Carousel
Cruises International Ltd.
35
00:01:29,443 --> 00:01:31,069
I don't want to say that.
36
00:01:31,528 --> 00:01:32,612
All right.
37
00:01:32,696 --> 00:01:36,657
So, the Sail Away party is in an hour,
38
00:01:36,741 --> 00:01:38,200
and until then, I have us scheduled
39
00:01:38,284 --> 00:01:39,284
to take in live music
40
00:01:39,368 --> 00:01:41,036
at the all-ages piano lounge.
41
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:42,119
Okay, okay.
42
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,829
Or we could just head
straight to the room.
43
00:01:43,913 --> 00:01:46,207
I brought a plastic tarp so
we can eat shrimp in bed.
44
00:01:46,291 --> 00:01:48,042
But the all-ages piano lounge
45
00:01:48,126 --> 00:01:49,752
has bottomless margaritas.
46
00:01:50,127 --> 00:01:52,677
Eh. They also have a
drink with a potato skin in it.
47
00:01:52,796 --> 00:01:56,507
Oh! To the all-ages piano lounge, milady.
48
00:01:56,591 --> 00:01:57,592
Mmm-hmm.
49
00:01:58,551 --> 00:01:59,375
[KEYBOARD MUSIC PLAYING]
50
00:01:59,459 --> 00:02:01,220
MAN: Welcome aboard,
ladies and gentlemen,
51
00:02:01,304 --> 00:02:02,720
but especially ladies.
52
00:02:02,804 --> 00:02:03,846
[WHISPERS] I know that voice.
53
00:02:03,930 --> 00:02:06,391
Get ready.
It's time for some smush songs.
54
00:02:08,309 --> 00:02:09,434
[GASPS] Doug Judy.
55
00:02:09,518 --> 00:02:10,519
The Pontiac Bandit.
56
00:02:10,603 --> 00:02:11,603
He's here.
57
00:02:11,687 --> 00:02:13,230
We got songs about smushing,
58
00:02:13,314 --> 00:02:15,064
songs for smushing to,
59
00:02:15,815 --> 00:02:17,192
songs for the kids.
60
00:02:17,859 --> 00:02:20,153
This is the all-ages piano lounge.
61
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,361
I can't believe he's here.
62
00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:22,487
I've been hunting him for years,
63
00:02:22,571 --> 00:02:23,988
and now fate has dropped
him right into my lap.
64
00:02:24,072 --> 00:02:26,241
He's gonna be so
surprised when he sees me.
65
00:02:26,325 --> 00:02:28,201
Hey, Peralta, you made it.
66
00:02:28,826 --> 00:02:30,160
What took you so long, brother?
67
00:02:30,244 --> 00:02:31,912
Okay, seems like he's
playing it pretty cool.
68
00:02:31,996 --> 00:02:33,372
Probably more surprised on the inside.
69
00:02:33,456 --> 00:02:34,457
Uh-huh.
70
00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:39,461
Sir, Gina and I are worried about you.
71
00:02:40,003 --> 00:02:41,753
You're drinking a second can of seltzer.
72
00:02:41,837 --> 00:02:43,422
I need this, to settle my nerves.
73
00:02:43,506 --> 00:02:45,508
Hurricane Debbie is approaching.
74
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:49,385
My little sister Debbie,
she's a real drama queen.
75
00:02:50,053 --> 00:02:51,971
[CHUCKLES] The drama
queen of the Holt family?
76
00:02:52,055 --> 00:02:54,181
What, did she laugh out loud one time?
77
00:02:54,265 --> 00:02:56,057
She's laughed out loud multiple times.
78
00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:59,102
Sir, you have a pretty low bar
for what you consider drama.
79
00:02:59,269 --> 00:03:01,938
Once, I used an
exclamation point in an email.
80
00:03:02,146 --> 00:03:03,523
You called me Diana Ross.
81
00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:06,651
I assure you, in this
case, I do not exaggerate.
82
00:03:07,109 --> 00:03:08,151
DEBBIE: Raymond!
83
00:03:08,693 --> 00:03:09,778
Here.
84
00:03:10,070 --> 00:03:11,238
Judge for yourselves.
85
00:03:11,488 --> 00:03:12,489
Here you are.
86
00:03:12,614 --> 00:03:13,698
Great. Oh, my God.
87
00:03:13,782 --> 00:03:16,242
My trip here from the train station.
88
00:03:16,534 --> 00:03:18,827
Hey, I swear to you
I heard the cab driver
89
00:03:18,911 --> 00:03:21,371
mumble under his breath,
"You will die tonight."
90
00:03:21,704 --> 00:03:25,791
Is that not the most insane
thing you have ever heard?
91
00:03:25,875 --> 00:03:28,961
I mean, can you even, Raymond?
92
00:03:29,711 --> 00:03:32,130
I cannot even.
93
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:36,340
I hadn't seen her in a while.
She lived alone.
94
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,385
She was 89 years old.
95
00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:39,512
Okay, thanks.
96
00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:43,055
There's no forced entry or visible trauma.
It's probably natural causes.
97
00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:44,975
We'll take a look around. Sure.
98
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,519
This huge apartment.
99
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,438
What is this, like, 1,800 square feet?
100
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,190
Exposed brick.
101
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:54,732
Got tons of natural light.
102
00:03:54,899 --> 00:03:57,151
Weird. I thought you'd be most
excited about the gas range.
103
00:03:57,235 --> 00:04:00,111
[GASPS] They have a gas range.
104
00:04:00,195 --> 00:04:01,446
I have to apply for this apartment.
105
00:04:01,530 --> 00:04:03,239
I mean, it just became available.
106
00:04:03,323 --> 00:04:04,532
We're the only two people to see it.
107
00:04:04,616 --> 00:04:07,951
This is an opportunity you just
don't get in New York real estate, ever.
108
00:04:08,035 --> 00:04:11,247
A woman just died here.
Don't be gross and disrespectful.
109
00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:14,291
[DOOR CREAKS]
110
00:04:14,875 --> 00:04:17,294
Holy crap, look at all this closet space.
111
00:04:17,919 --> 00:04:18,962
I'm applying too.
112
00:04:19,254 --> 00:04:22,423
What? You don't need closet space.
You have, like, one outfit.
113
00:04:23,090 --> 00:04:24,424
Just let me have this. No.
114
00:04:24,508 --> 00:04:25,675
We saw it at the same time.
115
00:04:25,759 --> 00:04:27,218
May the best man win.
116
00:04:27,302 --> 00:04:29,220
-Game on.
-[OFFICER CLEARS THROAT]
117
00:04:30,054 --> 00:04:32,890
I mean, the game of
contacting the next of kin.
118
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,690
That's the game I like to play.
119
00:04:35,267 --> 00:04:37,685
Peralta, it's no coincidence
you're on this ship.
120
00:04:37,769 --> 00:04:39,937
You won a free cruise
without entering a contest.
121
00:04:40,021 --> 00:04:41,480
-How do you think that happened?
-PERALTA: I don't know.
122
00:04:41,564 --> 00:04:44,149
Maybe it's because I
bought Speed 2 on DVD,
123
00:04:44,233 --> 00:04:46,150
and the Internet realized that
cruises were one of my interests.
124
00:04:46,234 --> 00:04:48,069
Great film. Sandy B. in a sarong.
125
00:04:48,153 --> 00:04:49,153
Damn straight.
126
00:04:49,237 --> 00:04:50,571
But the tix are all me.
127
00:04:50,655 --> 00:04:52,031
I brought you here 'cause I'm in peril.
128
00:04:52,115 --> 00:04:54,032
Pfft. Peril. Don't "pfft" my peril.
129
00:04:54,116 --> 00:04:56,785
Pfft. Somebody's trying to
kill me, and I need protection,
130
00:04:56,869 --> 00:04:58,245
so I sent for my best friend.
131
00:04:58,329 --> 00:04:59,453
I am not your best friend.
132
00:04:59,537 --> 00:05:01,539
I'm your worst enemy.
Get that through your head.
133
00:05:01,623 --> 00:05:03,958
It's this kind of bickering that
makes us such an adorable couple.
134
00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:06,042
Whatever, Judy. You're under arrest.
135
00:05:06,126 --> 00:05:08,876
You can't arrest me, boo.
We're in international waters,
136
00:05:09,046 --> 00:05:11,646
which is also why I can
smoke as much weed as I want.
137
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:13,549
Welcome to the high seas.
138
00:05:13,883 --> 00:05:15,008
No, no way that that's true.
139
00:05:15,092 --> 00:05:16,510
Amy, tell me I can arrest him right now.
140
00:05:16,594 --> 00:05:18,345
Judy's right. We have no jurisdiction.
141
00:05:18,429 --> 00:05:20,888
Technically this boat flies
under the flag of Uzbekistan.
142
00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:25,017
Uh-oh!
Your girl knows about the Uzbeks. Oh!
143
00:05:25,101 --> 00:05:26,977
But the captain can have him arrested.
144
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:28,861
He has total authority on this boat.
145
00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:31,022
Perfect. Captains love me.
146
00:05:31,106 --> 00:05:35,234
Just wait until he or she finds
out they're employing a criminal.
147
00:05:35,652 --> 00:05:38,363
Yeah, about 40% of the crew are criminals.
[EXHALES]
148
00:05:38,529 --> 00:05:41,197
It's hard to find normal people
who want to live on a boat.
149
00:05:41,281 --> 00:05:43,074
I, myself, am a tax evader.
150
00:05:43,158 --> 00:05:45,158
I just need him locked up
till we get back to New York.
151
00:05:45,242 --> 00:05:47,035
Can't you just throw him in boat jail?
152
00:05:47,119 --> 00:05:48,203
It's called the brig.
It's called the brig.
153
00:05:48,287 --> 00:05:52,123
He is my best lounge singer, and
I need to keep people distracted.
154
00:05:52,248 --> 00:05:54,375
Just between us, we're
nearly out of ranch dressing.
155
00:05:54,459 --> 00:05:55,459
On day one?
156
00:05:55,543 --> 00:05:56,793
These people are animals.
157
00:05:57,170 --> 00:05:59,046
Listen, as long as he's on my boat,
158
00:05:59,505 --> 00:06:01,256
Doug Judy is a free man.
159
00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:02,675
[SIGHS]
160
00:06:06,427 --> 00:06:08,846
Jake, Amy, welcome to my cabin,
161
00:06:08,930 --> 00:06:11,640
AKA the Boom-Boom Stateroom.
162
00:06:13,266 --> 00:06:14,267
[SANTIAGO GASPS]
163
00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:16,728
This is a royale level suite.
164
00:06:17,145 --> 00:06:19,095
I never thought we'd see one in person.
165
00:06:19,230 --> 00:06:22,482
Little perk of being Carousel
Cruises' entertainer of the year.
166
00:06:22,566 --> 00:06:25,568
♪ Which I am, girrr-rl ♪
167
00:06:25,777 --> 00:06:28,027
A little pitchy.
You're welcome to chill here.
168
00:06:28,113 --> 00:06:29,989
It's the least I can do to
thank you for protecting me.
169
00:06:30,073 --> 00:06:32,657
Never. This protection scam is a scam.
170
00:06:32,741 --> 00:06:33,909
Do you honestly think
you can fool me again
171
00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:36,578
just because you've successfully
done it numerous times before?
172
00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:38,787
Look, my old boss wants me dead.
173
00:06:38,871 --> 00:06:40,581
I've been laying low on this ship,
174
00:06:40,665 --> 00:06:41,999
and I got word from
a friend on the inside
175
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:43,542
that they found me, and there's a hitman
176
00:06:43,626 --> 00:06:45,226
coming to end my beautiful life.
177
00:06:45,544 --> 00:06:47,504
That's why I sent you the free tickets.
178
00:06:48,505 --> 00:06:50,424
No! No, no way. I'm not buying it.
179
00:06:50,799 --> 00:06:51,798
You can't get away from me again.
180
00:06:51,882 --> 00:06:54,384
Amy and I are gonna spend
every second of our romantic cruise
181
00:06:54,468 --> 00:06:56,218
watching you, assuming that's okay?
182
00:06:56,929 --> 00:06:59,513
Yep. That's what we're gonna do. Yeah.
183
00:06:59,597 --> 00:07:01,599
I'll just get rid of this itinerary.
184
00:07:01,683 --> 00:07:03,583
No, no, no, Ames, don't put that down.
185
00:07:03,685 --> 00:07:05,935
We have to find the
hitman before he finds me.
186
00:07:06,186 --> 00:07:07,854
I'm guessing this'll
take us all over the boat.
187
00:07:07,938 --> 00:07:10,190
Oh, yeah, that's an
ENAC sitch right there.
188
00:07:10,815 --> 00:07:11,815
"Every Nook And Cranny."
189
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:15,445
Perfect.
We'll just ENAC sitch, of this bitch.
190
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,779
JEFFORDS: How's it
going with your sister, sir?
191
00:07:17,863 --> 00:07:19,113
Well, last night, she
told me in a great detail
192
00:07:19,197 --> 00:07:20,865
about a fight she got
into with her trainer,
193
00:07:20,949 --> 00:07:23,076
whom she accused of stealing a hairbrush.
194
00:07:23,452 --> 00:07:26,286
Now she's on the phone,
screaming at our mother.
195
00:07:26,370 --> 00:07:27,829
We'll keep her out of your hair.
196
00:07:27,913 --> 00:07:29,373
I'm good at distracting people.
197
00:07:29,457 --> 00:07:30,790
It's what I do with my
toddlers all day long.
198
00:07:30,874 --> 00:07:33,668
How does she feel about balloon animals?
199
00:07:34,210 --> 00:07:36,795
I'm sure she has a complicated
relationship with them.
200
00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:38,254
DEBBIE: Ray! Here she comes.
201
00:07:38,338 --> 00:07:39,673
No balloon animals.
202
00:07:39,798 --> 00:07:41,800
You ain't gonna believe
Mom's take on this.
203
00:07:41,884 --> 00:07:43,884
She thinks I'm the one
who should apologize
204
00:07:43,968 --> 00:07:47,180
just 'cause it turns out the
hairbrush ended up being in my car.
205
00:07:47,430 --> 00:07:49,515
Yes, I'd love to discuss your
hairbrush for even more time,
206
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,808
but I have some pressing
police matters to attend to.
207
00:07:51,892 --> 00:07:54,478
Look at you. Always working.
208
00:07:54,853 --> 00:07:56,729
What happened to my fun big brother?
209
00:07:57,146 --> 00:07:59,356
Fun? I was never fun. You take that back.
210
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,441
I'm sure she didn't
mean anything by it, sir.
211
00:08:01,525 --> 00:08:03,651
When we were little, we
would go down in the basement,
212
00:08:03,735 --> 00:08:05,403
and he would build us a fort.
213
00:08:05,487 --> 00:08:06,988
We would stay down there all day.
214
00:08:07,072 --> 00:08:10,824
And Ray would sing these
silly little made-up songs.
215
00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:14,036
George and Ira Gershwin did not
compose "silly, made-up songs".
216
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:17,788
Uh, Debbie, let me show
you New York, okay?
217
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:20,457
The buildings, the subway,
the bank, the dry cleaner.
218
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,251
I got to run some errands.
219
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,793
Oh, that's a great idea, Gina.
220
00:08:23,877 --> 00:08:27,427
Debbie, I'm so sorry I won't get a
chance to see you much on your visit.
221
00:08:27,714 --> 00:08:31,049
Oh. No thing but a chicken wing,
'cause I'm gonna be here for six weeks.
222
00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:33,552
I'm gonna be all up in your life, okay?
223
00:08:35,888 --> 00:08:39,265
[GASPS] I got five down.
I figured out the theme. It's boats.
224
00:08:39,641 --> 00:08:41,309
Okay, I get it.
225
00:08:41,768 --> 00:08:44,394
She's smart and lovable.
You're scrappy and lovable,
226
00:08:44,937 --> 00:08:46,646
together you're just lovable and lovable.
227
00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:48,773
Okay, so where's this hitman, Judy?
228
00:08:48,857 --> 00:08:52,151
Look, I don't know who they
sent, but he's on the boat.
229
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:53,569
Check out this manifest.
230
00:08:53,653 --> 00:08:56,488
Somebody boarded in San
Juan named Henry Coles.
231
00:08:57,114 --> 00:08:58,823
Henry Street and Coles Street,
232
00:08:58,907 --> 00:09:00,908
that's the corner of your
old chop shop in Brooklyn.
233
00:09:00,992 --> 00:09:02,576
This is an alias. Mmm-hmm.
234
00:09:02,827 --> 00:09:04,202
And my porter buddy checked out
235
00:09:04,286 --> 00:09:05,787
Henry Coles' cabin,
he hasn't been in it yet.
236
00:09:05,871 --> 00:09:07,497
He's hiding somewhere on this boat
237
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,290
ready to jump out and
kill me at any moment.
238
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,666
Probably creepin' around in my closet.
239
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:11,751
Or stowed away in a lifeboat.
240
00:09:11,835 --> 00:09:12,835
Or hiding in a wall.
241
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,128
Or holed up in the engine room.
242
00:09:14,212 --> 00:09:15,712
Camouflaged in the shrubbery.
243
00:09:15,796 --> 00:09:17,213
Predator style! Predator style!
244
00:09:17,297 --> 00:09:18,882
No. We are not having fun.
245
00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:21,510
You will not suck me
in with your wily charms.
246
00:09:22,844 --> 00:09:26,973
[BOTH SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
247
00:09:27,348 --> 00:09:30,141
Hola, Mr. Gotaro. Good to see you.
248
00:09:30,225 --> 00:09:32,435
Can I talk to Rosa for a quick sec
249
00:09:32,519 --> 00:09:34,646
about some super serious police work?
250
00:09:34,938 --> 00:09:36,313
I know what you're trying to do.
251
00:09:36,397 --> 00:09:37,689
You brought him in here to butter him up.
252
00:09:37,773 --> 00:09:41,068
Yeah, and I've been
laying it on real thick.
253
00:09:42,610 --> 00:09:43,611
Mint?
254
00:09:43,695 --> 00:09:46,114
Okay, but you're making a big mistake.
255
00:09:46,364 --> 00:09:47,991
Nobody sucks up like a Boyle.
256
00:09:48,282 --> 00:09:51,082
Of course, you knew that
already because you're so smart.
257
00:09:51,451 --> 00:09:52,703
I just did it to you.
258
00:09:52,828 --> 00:09:54,912
[GRUNTS] Fine, little man.
259
00:09:55,204 --> 00:09:56,831
Bring it. Okay.
260
00:09:57,165 --> 00:10:00,876
Looks like you and I are in a
good, old-fashioned suck-off.
261
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,126
Don't call it a suck-off.
262
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,920
Why not? Why shouldn't…
263
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,465
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally, yep.
Mmm-hmm. Right. Smart. Good.
264
00:10:09,425 --> 00:10:10,967
You brought your own shuffleboard stick?
265
00:10:11,051 --> 00:10:12,803
Mmm-hmm. They're called tangs.
266
00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:14,678
You should be glad she has her own.
267
00:10:14,762 --> 00:10:16,430
You don't want her messing
with another man's tang.
268
00:10:16,514 --> 00:10:18,140
There is no way they're called tangs.
269
00:10:18,224 --> 00:10:21,019
It's true. They are.
And the disks are called biscuits.
270
00:10:22,811 --> 00:10:23,812
Yes.
271
00:10:23,896 --> 00:10:24,896
Tangs and biscuits?
272
00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:26,106
That is so dumb.
273
00:10:26,607 --> 00:10:28,157
I officially love shuffleboard.
274
00:10:28,858 --> 00:10:31,777
Clear a path!
I'm about to whip my biscuit!
275
00:10:33,321 --> 00:10:34,487
Whoo. [CHUCKLES]
276
00:10:34,988 --> 00:10:37,449
About time you smiled, Jake.
277
00:10:37,991 --> 00:10:39,617
You've been a real tang in the mud.
278
00:10:39,701 --> 00:10:41,301
All right. Hey, a little advice.
279
00:10:41,410 --> 00:10:42,828
Amy is great.
280
00:10:42,912 --> 00:10:45,789
You want to keep her, be
more receptive to her interests.
281
00:10:45,873 --> 00:10:47,790
All right, now you're
taking it too far, Judy.
282
00:10:47,874 --> 00:10:50,918
I don't need relationship advice
from my criminal arch nemesis.
283
00:10:51,002 --> 00:10:52,128
Look, I just want to see you two happy.
284
00:10:52,212 --> 00:10:55,255
No. This is just another one of
your lies, just like your fake hitman.
285
00:10:55,339 --> 00:10:56,756
There is a hitman on this boat.
286
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,490
Henry Coles is coming to kill me.
287
00:10:58,842 --> 00:11:00,093
Excuse me?
288
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:02,636
What? You said my name.
289
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:03,804
I'm Henry Coles.
290
00:11:03,888 --> 00:11:04,930
You're Henry Coles?
291
00:11:05,014 --> 00:11:06,723
According to my medical alert bracelet.
292
00:11:06,807 --> 00:11:08,107
Well, this is interesting.
293
00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:10,476
This is Henry Coles.
Let's just take a look at that.
294
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,313
Oh. It says, "Doug Judy is a liar."
295
00:11:13,687 --> 00:11:16,065
Actually, it says I'm a fall risk.
296
00:11:16,357 --> 00:11:18,757
Okay, you're kind of
ruining my burn here, Henry.
297
00:11:20,194 --> 00:11:23,571
I knew it.
I knew Henry Coles was a 90-year-old man
298
00:11:23,655 --> 00:11:25,072
with type 1 diabetes and emphysema.
299
00:11:25,156 --> 00:11:27,615
Obviously, I didn't know those
specifics, but I knew you were lying.
300
00:11:27,699 --> 00:11:29,742
So Henry Coles wasn't the guy. My bad.
301
00:11:29,826 --> 00:11:32,036
There's still somebody on
this boat who wants to kill me.
302
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,246
You're trying to get away,
and it's not gonna happen.
303
00:11:34,330 --> 00:11:36,165
We're spending the rest
of this trip in your cabin.
304
00:11:36,249 --> 00:11:37,416
Amy and I will take sleep shifts
305
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:38,959
to make sure someone's
always watching you.
306
00:11:39,043 --> 00:11:41,336
Thank you. That makes me feel super safe.
307
00:11:43,171 --> 00:11:43,723
[LOCK BEEPS]
308
00:11:43,807 --> 00:11:45,548
And if you want to
smush, I have a sleep mask
309
00:11:45,632 --> 00:11:47,182
and noise canceling headphones.
310
00:11:48,425 --> 00:11:50,177
Can't we just lock him up in there?
311
00:11:50,261 --> 00:11:52,095
Do we really have to trade
off sleep for the next six nights?
312
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,470
I know. I'm sorry.
313
00:11:53,554 --> 00:11:56,354
But he did say that he'd wear
a mask if we want to smush.
314
00:11:57,141 --> 00:11:59,477
Fine. I get it. He's the Pontiac Bandit.
315
00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:00,810
You take the first shift.
316
00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:02,896
Thank you so much. You're the best.
317
00:12:03,605 --> 00:12:04,731
-[GLASS SHATTERING]
-[GASPS]
318
00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:06,773
Hey, NYPD! Let him go!
319
00:12:06,857 --> 00:12:07,858
[BOTH GRUNT]
320
00:12:08,776 --> 00:12:09,777
[GROANS]
321
00:12:10,319 --> 00:12:12,654
Now do you believe me?
That guy was trying to kill me.
322
00:12:12,738 --> 00:12:15,782
All right, fine!
Someone wants you dead! You win.
323
00:12:18,243 --> 00:12:21,829
♪ Smush, smush ♪
324
00:12:22,788 --> 00:12:25,207
Ooh, I still sound like an angel.
You sure?
325
00:12:25,416 --> 00:12:27,082
Thank God you were there, Peralta.
326
00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:28,667
I knew you wouldn't
let your best friend die.
327
00:12:28,751 --> 00:12:30,628
I'm still gonna arrest you.
I just can't do that if you're dead.
328
00:12:30,712 --> 00:12:32,362
Whatever you gotta tell yourself.
329
00:12:32,463 --> 00:12:35,007
Baby steps.
It's hard getting him out of his shell.
330
00:12:35,257 --> 00:12:36,591
[SIGHS] Tell me about it.
331
00:12:36,675 --> 00:12:39,593
Every time we get emotional,
he's like, "Noice, smort."
332
00:12:39,719 --> 00:12:41,553
Okay, can we focus up here? Hmm.
333
00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:42,804
We still don't know what
your hitman looks like,
334
00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,473
so we're gonna have to flush him out.
335
00:12:44,557 --> 00:12:45,640
Wait a minute.
336
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:46,807
Where do the toilets on this boat go?
337
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,601
You don't want to know. [GASPS]
338
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:49,810
The pool?
339
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,938
Ocean. Oh, that's even worse.
340
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,313
That's where my shrimp live.
341
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:56,483
Anyways, he'll probably try to
hit me at my show this afternoon.
342
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,367
At least I'll die doing what I love.
343
00:12:58,610 --> 00:12:59,777
Getting people horny at sea.
344
00:12:59,861 --> 00:13:01,612
Yeah. Yeah. That's gross.
345
00:13:01,696 --> 00:13:02,696
All right, here's the plan.
346
00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:04,949
We're gonna leave you alone
on stage and dangle you as bait.
347
00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:06,532
Damn! Bait dangling?
348
00:13:06,616 --> 00:13:08,618
If we're up on stage with
you, it could spook him.
349
00:13:08,702 --> 00:13:09,702
We'll blend into the crowd,
350
00:13:09,786 --> 00:13:12,079
and we'll take him down
before he even gets to you.
351
00:13:12,163 --> 00:13:14,248
[SIGHS] All right, I'll trust you.
352
00:13:14,540 --> 00:13:15,990
But if you're gonna blend in,
353
00:13:17,001 --> 00:13:18,001
you got to blend in.
354
00:13:18,085 --> 00:13:20,544
If you like piña coladas
355
00:13:20,628 --> 00:13:23,757
And getting caught in the rain
356
00:13:25,341 --> 00:13:26,508
You two are looking good.
357
00:13:26,592 --> 00:13:29,636
Really? I kind of feel like I'm
Jimmy Buffett's tennis coach.
358
00:13:29,928 --> 00:13:31,137
No, it's working.
359
00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:33,371
You know I had a major
crush on Magnum P.I.?
360
00:13:33,473 --> 00:13:34,474
Major.
361
00:13:34,682 --> 00:13:36,016
Oh. Should I grow a mustache?
362
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,518
Yeah, you should.
363
00:13:37,602 --> 00:13:39,519
Actually, I can't.
I'm physically incapable.
364
00:13:39,603 --> 00:13:42,003
I shouldn't have suggested that.
Should we go in?
365
00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:44,982
HOLT: You found me.
366
00:13:45,399 --> 00:13:48,069
Drinking seltzer in the shadows.
367
00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:52,061
I still can't believe Debbie's gonna
be staying with me for six weeks.
368
00:13:52,322 --> 00:13:55,491
Sir, when your neighbor is
playing their terrible music too loud,
369
00:13:55,575 --> 00:13:56,993
do you ask them to be quiet?
370
00:13:57,452 --> 00:13:58,576
Hell no.
371
00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:01,538
You blast your garbage,
and you drown 'em out.
372
00:14:01,747 --> 00:14:04,707
You got to fight drama with drama.
373
00:14:06,542 --> 00:14:07,543
[HOLT SIGHS]
374
00:14:08,544 --> 00:14:10,171
Debbie, it's just too much.
375
00:14:10,463 --> 00:14:11,754
What happened? Wait till you hear.
376
00:14:11,838 --> 00:14:15,592
Kevin is all, "Hey, man,
I'm leaving for Paris,"
377
00:14:15,967 --> 00:14:19,011
and I said, "Then go already.
378
00:14:19,512 --> 00:14:21,012
"I don't care," but I do care,
379
00:14:21,514 --> 00:14:24,099
and now I'm like, "Where's Kevin?"
380
00:14:24,183 --> 00:14:26,309
Well, I didn't know y'all
had all of that going on.
381
00:14:26,393 --> 00:14:29,229
Ugh, no one understands me.
382
00:14:30,105 --> 00:14:31,905
And now you're here, and I love you,
383
00:14:32,481 --> 00:14:34,691
but, like, it's a lot.
384
00:14:35,776 --> 00:14:38,444
Everything in my life
is a hot mess right now.
385
00:14:38,528 --> 00:14:39,570
Damn.
386
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:42,448
Captain, the commissioner called again.
387
00:14:42,532 --> 00:14:44,532
He wants to know when crime will be down.
388
00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:47,116
Are you kidding me?
What am I supposed to tell him?
389
00:14:47,577 --> 00:14:48,927
I'm under so much pressure.
390
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:50,122
I just can't even.
391
00:14:50,746 --> 00:14:52,998
You got a lot on you.
392
00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,042
And I don't want to overstay my welcome
393
00:14:55,126 --> 00:14:56,585
if that's gonna stress you out.
394
00:14:56,669 --> 00:15:00,171
It will, especially with Mercury in
395
00:15:01,047 --> 00:15:02,090
retrograde.
396
00:15:02,715 --> 00:15:04,383
I am sorry.
397
00:15:04,633 --> 00:15:07,177
I didn't know.
I mean, the only reason I came is…
398
00:15:08,637 --> 00:15:09,847
'Cause Gary left me.
399
00:15:10,721 --> 00:15:11,847
What?
400
00:15:11,931 --> 00:15:14,183
He was cheating on me.
401
00:15:14,475 --> 00:15:16,809
But you know what? No. No, no, no.
402
00:15:16,893 --> 00:15:18,978
I'm not gonna burden you with that, okay?
403
00:15:19,062 --> 00:15:20,605
I will deal with that myself.
404
00:15:21,898 --> 00:15:24,984
There has been a jailbreak,
and the Mafia's at it again.
405
00:15:26,277 --> 00:15:28,127
-[LAUGHTER]
-Hey, what's going on here?
406
00:15:28,571 --> 00:15:31,489
I didn't realize we had more
questions to ask Mr. Gotaro together.
407
00:15:31,573 --> 00:15:33,950
Oh, we don't.
I asked Mr. Gotaro all of them.
408
00:15:34,868 --> 00:15:37,202
Wait. Hold on. "Gotaro."
409
00:15:37,619 --> 00:15:39,621
Isn't that an Andalusian name?
410
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:42,248
Yeah. What a weird coincidence.
411
00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:43,332
Pardon me, Detective Diaz.
412
00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:47,462
Last night, I cooked up a
ton of Andalusian baby eels.
413
00:15:47,879 --> 00:15:49,463
-[DRAWER BANGS]
-Unbelievable.
414
00:15:49,547 --> 00:15:51,422
MR. GOTARO: I love angula.
415
00:15:51,506 --> 00:15:52,757
I mean, it's impossible to find here.
416
00:15:52,841 --> 00:15:56,591
Oh! Not if you have a ton of disposable
income and great credit, like I do.
417
00:15:57,011 --> 00:15:59,763
I think you're gonna love these.
I really buttered them up.
418
00:15:59,847 --> 00:16:02,349
Well, thank you so much.
419
00:16:03,016 --> 00:16:06,144
Uh, before I leave,
um, I should tell you,
420
00:16:06,394 --> 00:16:07,770
you're both great applicants,
421
00:16:07,854 --> 00:16:10,564
but I've decided to rent the
apartment to someone else.
422
00:16:11,899 --> 00:16:13,275
I smiled at you.
423
00:16:14,359 --> 00:16:15,360
For what?
424
00:16:15,943 --> 00:16:17,820
-[KEYBOARD PLAYING]
-Ladies and gentlemen,
425
00:16:17,904 --> 00:16:19,280
widows and widowers,
426
00:16:19,614 --> 00:16:22,616
welcome to the all-ages
piano lounge adults only show.
427
00:16:23,617 --> 00:16:25,160
I'm Horatio Velveteen.
428
00:16:25,327 --> 00:16:26,327
Dope name. Hmm.
429
00:16:26,411 --> 00:16:27,912
This little song I wrote myself,
430
00:16:27,996 --> 00:16:30,206
called "Rosa, Rosa, Rosa."
431
00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:31,916
Goes like this.
432
00:16:32,666 --> 00:16:37,045
♪ Rosa, Rosa, Rosa ♪
433
00:16:37,712 --> 00:16:40,047
-♪ Rosa ♪
-It's so crowded in here,
434
00:16:40,131 --> 00:16:41,298
and the lighting is way too sexy
435
00:16:41,382 --> 00:16:42,382
to see anything.
436
00:16:42,466 --> 00:16:44,176
Come on. Okay.
437
00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:46,720
♪ Right there on the floor ♪
438
00:16:47,262 --> 00:16:49,222
♪ Is the man you're looking for ♪
439
00:16:49,597 --> 00:16:51,516
♪ He's right in front of you ♪
440
00:16:52,350 --> 00:16:54,352
♪ A little bit to the left ♪
441
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,479
♪ My left, my left, my left, my left ♪
442
00:16:59,231 --> 00:17:00,649
♪ Come on this way ♪
443
00:17:01,066 --> 00:17:02,525
♪ He's in a red shirt ♪
444
00:17:02,942 --> 00:17:04,735
♪ No, not the Asian dude ♪
445
00:17:05,361 --> 00:17:07,321
♪ I'm talking about a bright red shirt ♪
446
00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:10,656
♪ That's the man you're looking for ♪
447
00:17:10,740 --> 00:17:12,992
♪ That's the man you've been looking for ♪
448
00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:15,702
I got him. Follow me. Come on.
449
00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:19,289
-♪ This is still a love song ♪
-Where'd he go?
450
00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:21,540
Well, that ends my show, all of a sudden.
451
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:22,924
You've been a great crowd.
452
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,043
Thank you very much.
453
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,452
-Think of me when you smush.
-[CROWD MURMURING]
454
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,880
Jake, help me. I don't want to die.
455
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,590
I'm still on second season
of Game of Thrones.
456
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,508
All right, let's just put
the knife down, okay?
457
00:17:32,592 --> 00:17:34,885
There's no murder in
the all-ages piano lounge.
458
00:17:34,969 --> 00:17:36,178
Screw you, pig.
459
00:17:36,262 --> 00:17:38,013
That is not a very all-ages thing to say.
460
00:17:38,097 --> 00:17:40,098
You just don't get the vibe here at all.
461
00:17:40,182 --> 00:17:41,349
-[GRUNTS]
-[GRUNTS]
462
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,101
Whoo!
463
00:17:43,268 --> 00:17:44,602
Nice, grab that cord.
464
00:17:44,686 --> 00:17:46,520
Let's get his arms. Come here.
465
00:17:46,604 --> 00:17:48,689
You just got tanged by my girlfriend.
466
00:17:49,231 --> 00:17:50,607
Sorry, I know that sounded really gross,
467
00:17:50,691 --> 00:17:51,774
but it was actually awesome.
468
00:17:51,858 --> 00:17:53,308
-You okay, Judy?
-[DOOR CLOSES]
469
00:17:53,527 --> 00:17:54,610
Judy!
470
00:17:54,819 --> 00:17:57,321
No. No, no, no.
471
00:17:59,574 --> 00:18:01,574
Bye, Peralta. Thanks for saving my life.
472
00:18:01,658 --> 00:18:04,202
No. Judy! Don't do this!
473
00:18:04,369 --> 00:18:05,495
No, not again!
474
00:18:05,579 --> 00:18:08,789
Judy! Judy!
475
00:18:11,083 --> 00:18:13,126
Where is Judy? I've looked everywhere.
476
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:15,010
He has to be somewhere on this boat.
477
00:18:15,545 --> 00:18:16,670
DOUG JUDY: Peralta!
478
00:18:16,754 --> 00:18:17,839
No, he doesn't.
479
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,300
Sorry to do this to you, man.
480
00:18:20,592 --> 00:18:22,133
I saw an opening, and I had to take it.
481
00:18:22,217 --> 00:18:24,052
I can't go to jail. I'm too cool.
482
00:18:24,219 --> 00:18:25,762
You'll never get away from me, Judy!
483
00:18:25,846 --> 00:18:27,638
DOUG JUDY: I can't
hear what you're saying.
484
00:18:27,722 --> 00:18:28,889
You're real far away.
485
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:31,892
I'll just assume you're finally
admitting we're best friends.
486
00:18:31,976 --> 00:18:33,352
No, that is not what I'm saying!
487
00:18:33,436 --> 00:18:35,895
Thank you. It means a lot to me.
488
00:18:35,979 --> 00:18:37,479
Enjoy the rest of your cruise.
489
00:18:37,689 --> 00:18:41,400
Just remember, you got a fine lady.
Don't be a tang in the mud.
490
00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:43,068
Check your pockets!
491
00:18:44,987 --> 00:18:46,405
Boom-Boom Stateroom, baby!
492
00:18:47,238 --> 00:18:48,239
Awesome.
493
00:18:48,781 --> 00:18:50,032
But this isn't over!
494
00:18:50,116 --> 00:18:51,867
I will hunt you to the ends of the Earth!
495
00:18:51,951 --> 00:18:53,328
I love you, too!
496
00:18:53,827 --> 00:18:56,038
I'm so proud of us
for being able to say it.
497
00:18:56,204 --> 00:18:57,956
What are you still standing there for?
498
00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,666
Go smush! Judy!
499
00:19:00,083 --> 00:19:01,500
No!
500
00:19:02,335 --> 00:19:05,003
Well, okay, but my
train is in 45 minutes.
501
00:19:05,087 --> 00:19:06,213
I don't have to say goodbye to Ray.
502
00:19:06,297 --> 00:19:07,588
I don't want to stress him out.
503
00:19:07,672 --> 00:19:09,672
No, he specifically asked us to get you.
504
00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:12,844
Hello, Debbie.
505
00:19:14,303 --> 00:19:15,804
You made a fort?
506
00:19:15,929 --> 00:19:17,629
I thought we could talk under here
507
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:18,891
about you and Gary.
508
00:19:22,810 --> 00:19:23,811
Uh…
509
00:19:24,312 --> 00:19:25,962
I'm sorry I was pushing you away.
510
00:19:27,022 --> 00:19:29,065
I want you to know that I'm here for you,
511
00:19:29,149 --> 00:19:30,651
and I would love to be
512
00:19:31,068 --> 00:19:32,319
all up in your life.
513
00:19:32,653 --> 00:19:34,195
Aw. You… [CLICKS TONGUE]
514
00:19:34,403 --> 00:19:36,003
Give me a hug. [CHUCKLING] Okay.
515
00:19:36,113 --> 00:19:37,114
Oh.
516
00:19:38,991 --> 00:19:40,450
Mr. Gotaro.
517
00:19:41,451 --> 00:19:43,286
You're under arrest for
the murder of your tenant,
518
00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:44,579
Shirley Crouch.
519
00:19:44,954 --> 00:19:46,330
What are you talking about?
520
00:19:46,580 --> 00:19:48,123
Is this because I didn't rent to you?
521
00:19:48,207 --> 00:19:49,407
-[HANDCUFFS RATTLING]
-No.
522
00:19:49,917 --> 00:19:50,917
But that was suspicious.
523
00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:52,002
Why wouldn't you want
cops with great credit
524
00:19:52,086 --> 00:19:53,127
living in your building?
525
00:19:53,211 --> 00:19:54,628
Great credit and an eel hookup.
526
00:19:54,712 --> 00:19:55,713
Because you murdered her.
527
00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:57,548
Toxicology report says
the old lady was poisoned.
528
00:19:57,632 --> 00:19:58,757
Her apartment was rent controlled,
529
00:19:58,841 --> 00:19:59,841
and you couldn't jack up the price
530
00:19:59,925 --> 00:20:01,092
until she was out of there.
531
00:20:01,176 --> 00:20:02,676
I just have one last question.
532
00:20:03,929 --> 00:20:06,597
If you go to jail, who makes the
rental decisions in the building?
533
00:20:06,681 --> 00:20:07,890
It'll pass to a trust.
534
00:20:08,015 --> 00:20:09,065
The bank controls it.
535
00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:10,726
Game back on? If you have to ask,
536
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:12,360
you're already one step behind.
537
00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:15,605
I should help bring him back in.
We're still police officers.
538
00:20:15,689 --> 00:20:16,690
Yeah.
539
00:20:19,066 --> 00:20:20,400
Hey, can I ask you something? Hmm.
540
00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:21,901
If the toilets drain into the ocean,
541
00:20:21,985 --> 00:20:25,113
does that mean a tiny shark could
swim up and bite me in the butt?
542
00:20:25,197 --> 00:20:27,407
No, not at all. Pfft.
543
00:20:27,824 --> 00:20:28,907
Lame. Look.
544
00:20:28,991 --> 00:20:30,993
I know you're bummed
about the Pontiac Bandit
545
00:20:31,077 --> 00:20:32,493
so if it's any consolation,
546
00:20:32,577 --> 00:20:35,539
we could spend the rest of
the cruise eating shrimp in bed.
547
00:20:35,664 --> 00:20:37,915
That is incredibly sweet, but no way.
548
00:20:37,999 --> 00:20:40,793
We have too many activities to do. Huh?
549
00:20:41,085 --> 00:20:42,711
You'll never guess what
starts in three minutes.
550
00:20:42,795 --> 00:20:44,755
Salsa dancing. Oh. So you can guess.
551
00:20:45,047 --> 00:20:46,214
[SALSA MUSIC PLAYING]
552
00:20:47,382 --> 00:20:48,550
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
553
00:20:49,968 --> 00:20:51,218
Thank you for doing this.
554
00:20:52,052 --> 00:20:53,095
I love you.
555
00:20:54,263 --> 00:20:56,765
Noice. Smort.
556
00:21:00,685 --> 00:21:01,686
I love you too.
557
00:21:08,150 --> 00:21:09,651
Also, I think this is definitely
558
00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:11,069
a dance class for widows.
559
00:21:11,652 --> 00:21:13,904
No, I don't think so. No?
560
00:21:13,988 --> 00:21:15,405
MAN: Now turn to your partner,
561
00:21:15,489 --> 00:21:17,115
and tell them how your spouse died.
562
00:21:17,199 --> 00:21:18,240
Yeah, we should get out of here.
563
00:21:18,324 --> 00:21:20,160
Are you sure? Okay. Yes.
42552
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