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1
00:00:03,139 --> 00:00:05,390
Heads up.
There's our perp, looking all perpy,
2
00:00:05,474 --> 00:00:08,645
just perping his way down Perp Street.
Take a picture!
3
00:00:08,729 --> 00:00:11,481
Give me one second. This light is
really unflattering for his complexion.
4
00:00:11,565 --> 00:00:12,857
It doesn't have to be perfect.
5
00:00:12,941 --> 00:00:15,902
Tom Olson is a bad dude. He's held
up four electronic stores at gunpoint.
6
00:00:15,986 --> 00:00:17,695
Man, I wish you hadn't read
that Annie Leibovitz book.
7
00:00:17,779 --> 00:00:19,614
Quit calling it a book,
it was a visual journey.
8
00:00:19,698 --> 00:00:21,950
You probably think I should shoot
this in color instead of black and white.
9
00:00:22,034 --> 00:00:25,034
Yes! Shoot color. Why have you
been shooting black and white?
10
00:00:25,538 --> 00:00:27,123
Where's he going now? Come on.
11
00:00:32,045 --> 00:00:34,297
Damn it. NYPD, freeze!
12
00:00:38,677 --> 00:00:41,263
He's trapped. Top-of-car foot chase.
13
00:00:41,347 --> 00:00:43,097
My birthday wish finally came true!
14
00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:45,351
[CARS HONKING]
15
00:00:48,687 --> 00:00:50,772
Keep it up, Jake!
He's yours, he's yours, he's yours!
16
00:00:50,856 --> 00:00:53,902
I know! I feel like the coolest
person in New York City!
17
00:00:54,235 --> 00:00:55,278
Arghhh!
18
00:00:55,654 --> 00:00:57,697
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
19
00:01:17,885 --> 00:01:20,053
Ooh! Ooh, nice pimp walk, pimp.
20
00:01:20,137 --> 00:01:21,806
Oh, well, thank you, pimpin' playa.
21
00:01:21,890 --> 00:01:25,059
Whoa. That is not a pimp
walk, that's a limp walk.
22
00:01:25,143 --> 00:01:26,728
You sure you should be here today, Jake?
23
00:01:26,812 --> 00:01:27,979
You wiped out hard.
24
00:01:28,063 --> 00:01:29,480
It wasn't so much a wipe-out as it was
25
00:01:29,564 --> 00:01:31,232
a controlled power-fall, Sarge.
26
00:01:31,316 --> 00:01:34,403
[SQUEAKS] That's his disagreement squeak.
27
00:01:34,778 --> 00:01:36,530
You wiped out. What did the doctor say?
28
00:01:36,614 --> 00:01:38,574
"Welcome, we haven't
seen you in 11 years."
29
00:01:38,658 --> 00:01:41,660
Haven't been to the doctor in 11 years.
How trill is that?
30
00:01:41,744 --> 00:01:44,094
Your tone's braggy, but
your words are real sad.
31
00:01:44,247 --> 00:01:45,748
Mmm. Did he clear you for active duty?
32
00:01:45,832 --> 00:01:47,666
First of all, the doctor was a woman.
33
00:01:47,750 --> 00:01:50,377
There's a such thing as
women doctors, Sarge.
34
00:01:50,461 --> 00:01:51,713
I lied for effect. It was a man.
35
00:01:51,797 --> 00:01:53,841
And he said that I was perfectly fine.
36
00:01:54,341 --> 00:01:56,217
Except for three cracked
ribs and a broken toe,
37
00:01:56,301 --> 00:01:57,552
which were right next
to two other broken toes.
38
00:01:57,636 --> 00:01:58,678
Did he clear you or not?
39
00:01:58,762 --> 00:01:59,804
[LAUGHS] He did not.
40
00:01:59,888 --> 00:02:00,930
All right, let's get to work, guys.
41
00:02:01,014 --> 00:02:02,057
We got a perp to catch.
42
00:02:02,141 --> 00:02:04,059
Oh, forget that. Uh-uh. No, look.
43
00:02:04,143 --> 00:02:05,895
There's an APB out for your guy.
44
00:02:05,979 --> 00:02:07,271
Lots of cops are looking for him.
45
00:02:07,355 --> 00:02:08,648
You don't need to be here.
46
00:02:08,732 --> 00:02:10,358
Sarge, I know this
case better than anyone.
47
00:02:10,442 --> 00:02:12,986
And I am this close to solving it.
48
00:02:13,403 --> 00:02:15,029
Your fingers are really far apart.
49
00:02:15,113 --> 00:02:17,281
Yeah, I also have a
hairline fracture in my thumb,
50
00:02:17,365 --> 00:02:19,565
mankind's least important finger.
Am I right?
51
00:02:20,536 --> 00:02:22,371
Sarge, please.
Please, please, please, please.
52
00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:23,830
Just let me stay on the case, all right?
53
00:02:23,914 --> 00:02:24,956
I promise I won't go into the field
54
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,333
or do anything dangerous.
55
00:02:27,084 --> 00:02:29,294
Fine.
You can work the case from right here.
56
00:02:29,378 --> 00:02:31,046
But you are tied to your desk.
57
00:02:31,589 --> 00:02:32,881
Tied to my desk?
58
00:02:32,965 --> 00:02:34,967
Mr. Grey will see you now, Sarge.
59
00:02:36,428 --> 00:02:37,728
You wanted to see me, sir?
60
00:02:38,722 --> 00:02:40,348
We have a situation. And it's bad.
61
00:02:40,432 --> 00:02:41,475
Check your email.
62
00:02:43,935 --> 00:02:45,019
No. Yes.
63
00:02:45,103 --> 00:02:46,729
Kevin insists on you and Marcus
64
00:02:46,813 --> 00:02:48,106
joining us for dinner at our house.
65
00:02:48,190 --> 00:02:49,399
But we agreed to keep our personal
66
00:02:49,483 --> 00:02:50,776
and professional lives separate.
67
00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:52,695
It is weird enough I
am dating your nephew
68
00:02:52,779 --> 00:02:55,072
without dragging your
husband and dog into it.
69
00:02:55,156 --> 00:02:57,616
Do you think I want this?
Because I do not want this.
70
00:02:57,700 --> 00:03:00,745
Sadly, Marcus and Kevin
can be held off no longer.
71
00:03:01,662 --> 00:03:03,831
Okay. So, what's our play here?
72
00:03:04,165 --> 00:03:05,875
My stomach's a little off.
I could say I'm sick.
73
00:03:05,959 --> 00:03:07,544
Well, I've used the "sick"
excuse for you eight times.
74
00:03:07,628 --> 00:03:08,670
I think they're catching on.
75
00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:10,839
You could say you're sick.
No one would ever believe that.
76
00:03:10,923 --> 00:03:14,718
No. This is happening. But don't
worry, I have a plan to keep things from
77
00:03:14,802 --> 00:03:18,847
getting too personal.
I'm inviting some intimacy buffers.
78
00:03:19,974 --> 00:03:23,144
Dinner party at your house? Oh, mama!
79
00:03:23,645 --> 00:03:25,419
I will be there. All I ask is that you
80
00:03:25,503 --> 00:03:27,606
clear the furniture
out of your living room
81
00:03:27,690 --> 00:03:30,109
so I can show Kev some
of my new dance opera.
82
00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:32,153
Why just some of it? Do the whole thing.
83
00:03:32,237 --> 00:03:35,366
Yes, nothing would make me happier.
See you Thursday at 8:00.
84
00:03:36,158 --> 00:03:39,245
Copy that, Cap-i-tan. Later, skater.
85
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,165
Yes, this is wonderful.
86
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,168
The dinner's not for four days
and you're already freaking out.
87
00:03:46,252 --> 00:03:49,881
Excuse me. Did you not just
hear me say, "Later, skater"?
88
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:52,967
All right, fine.
There's a slight chance that
89
00:03:53,051 --> 00:03:55,344
in the past, I may have tried a
little too hard around the Captain.
90
00:03:55,428 --> 00:03:58,639
So this time, I'm gonna be super chill.
91
00:03:58,723 --> 00:04:03,311
Good plan. Whoa.
It just says you got uninvited.
92
00:04:03,395 --> 00:04:05,398
What? Oh, honey.
93
00:04:05,606 --> 00:04:11,487
Oh. I get it. You're joking.
See? I'm cool. I get jokes.
94
00:04:12,321 --> 00:04:13,989
Boyle, have you seen Jake?
95
00:04:14,073 --> 00:04:18,368
No, I was out getting him some healing
broth. I was torn between chicken or beef,
96
00:04:18,452 --> 00:04:20,455
but then it hit me. Goat.
97
00:04:20,914 --> 00:04:22,749
[LOUD CRASHING]
98
00:04:27,421 --> 00:04:28,588
What happened? I heard a bang.
99
00:04:28,672 --> 00:04:30,965
No. No bang. Everything's totally normal.
100
00:04:31,049 --> 00:04:33,394
Really?
It looks to me like you did something
101
00:04:33,478 --> 00:04:35,638
stupid, like trying to lift a heavy box.
102
00:04:35,847 --> 00:04:38,182
Sarge, come on. In my condition?
103
00:04:38,266 --> 00:04:39,726
Suck it, MacGyver.
104
00:04:43,396 --> 00:04:44,688
Pretty elegant solution, right?
105
00:04:44,772 --> 00:04:47,066
No! Everything fell everywhere.
106
00:04:47,275 --> 00:04:50,654
All you had to do was sit at your desk.
What is your problem?
107
00:04:50,738 --> 00:04:53,073
I don't have a problem.
I'm just trying to solve this case,
108
00:04:53,157 --> 00:04:56,076
and everyone's making a huge deal
because I have a few minor injuries
109
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,120
to my ribs, ankle, hand, toes, and jaw.
110
00:04:59,204 --> 00:05:00,372
Jaw? Yeah, that just happened.
111
00:05:00,456 --> 00:05:03,209
I got hit in the face with a box.
But, look, I'm fine. I promise you.
112
00:05:03,293 --> 00:05:08,632
No, you're not. I'm done with this,
Peralta. Go home and get better. Now.
113
00:05:08,798 --> 00:05:11,175
All right, fine. But I'm taking
this box of evidence with me.
114
00:05:11,259 --> 00:05:12,718
If you can pick it up, you can take it.
115
00:05:12,802 --> 00:05:14,262
Deal.
116
00:05:17,140 --> 00:05:23,230
[GROANING LOUDLY]
117
00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,402
See? I'm fine.
118
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:34,075
Yo, yo, yo.
Miss me, miss me, now you gotta kiss me.
119
00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,201
Talking to you.
120
00:05:35,285 --> 00:05:38,037
Jake, what are you doing here?
It's only been four days.
121
00:05:38,121 --> 00:05:40,081
You're supposed to take
a full week off of work.
122
00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:42,208
Come on, Sarge, does
it look like I'm on the job?
123
00:05:42,292 --> 00:05:43,918
Okay, then. What are you doing here?
124
00:05:44,002 --> 00:05:46,754
Taking your advice to rest
and relax to the next level.
125
00:05:46,838 --> 00:05:48,257
Swinging by to pick up
Charles and then we're headed
126
00:05:48,341 --> 00:05:49,425
to sunny, beachy,
127
00:05:49,509 --> 00:05:51,734
only recently
devastated-by-financial-crisis
128
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:52,553
Atlantic City.
129
00:05:52,637 --> 00:05:56,015
That's right, suckers. Jake and I
are going on the coolest vacation ever.
130
00:05:56,099 --> 00:05:59,685
Official trip nickname, ACDC,
Atlantic City Dudes Club.
131
00:05:59,769 --> 00:06:01,478
Yeah, that's gonna change.
But check it out, Sarge.
132
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:02,756
Boyle and I are staying at…
133
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,858
BOTH [HIGH-PITCHED VOICES]:
The Ravenna.
134
00:06:04,942 --> 00:06:08,153
Damn. This place is lux.
135
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:10,447
Yeah, I've been trying to
get Jake down there forever.
136
00:06:10,531 --> 00:06:12,365
Had I known all it would
take was a few broken bones,
137
00:06:12,449 --> 00:06:15,201
I would have hit him with a baseball
bat years ago. [CLEARS THROAT]
138
00:06:15,285 --> 00:06:18,414
Sarge, it's a spa and a casino.
A spa-sino.
139
00:06:18,498 --> 00:06:21,083
One of the room service
options is a carving station.
140
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,378
Talkin' prime rib in bed!
141
00:06:23,670 --> 00:06:26,631
And what's this?
I'm using a blanket as a napkin.
142
00:06:26,715 --> 00:06:29,675
That's fancy. That's fancy. Real fancy.
143
00:06:29,759 --> 00:06:32,971
All right. Well, that sounds good, Jake.
Sounds like you guys are gonna have fun.
144
00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:35,140
Oh. Oh, we will.
Because we're staying at…
145
00:06:35,224 --> 00:06:37,518
BOTH [HIGH-PITCHED VOICES]:
The Ravenna.
146
00:06:37,893 --> 00:06:39,811
Jake, this is not the Ravenna.
147
00:06:39,895 --> 00:06:44,608
No, it is not.
But it is the world famous Seaf am Motel.
148
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:47,100
I think the "O" fell off.
Pretty cool, right?
149
00:06:47,195 --> 00:06:49,415
The Ravenna had a four-star restaurant.
This
150
00:06:49,499 --> 00:06:51,699
place has a weird
amount of dead seagulls,
151
00:06:51,783 --> 00:06:52,909
even for AC.
152
00:06:52,993 --> 00:06:57,163
All right, fine. It's not a vacation.
It's a stakeout.
153
00:06:57,247 --> 00:06:58,831
My perp has a brother
who lives in this dump,
154
00:06:58,915 --> 00:07:00,291
and I think he's hiding
out with him here.
155
00:07:00,375 --> 00:07:04,213
Seriously? I was looking forward to
this trip. I can't believe you lied to me.
156
00:07:04,297 --> 00:07:09,469
It wasn't a lie. It was…
[DRAMATICALLY] an illusion!
157
00:07:10,178 --> 00:07:12,805
All right, it was a lie. I'm sorry.
I had to make it sound really cool
158
00:07:12,889 --> 00:07:14,556
so you'd drop everything
and come with me.
159
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,143
I can't let Olson walk
and I can't catch him alone.
160
00:07:17,227 --> 00:07:20,522
Plus, this is gonna be super fun.
New trip nickname… ACDC,
161
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,524
Atlantic City Detectives Club.
162
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:26,820
Okay, fine. You know I can't
say no to a good trip nickname.
163
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,615
There he is! Oh!
Arm, rib, arm, rib, shoulder?
164
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,242
[RAPID PANTING]
165
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,035
Marcus, Detective Diaz, what a surprise.
166
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,538
I didn't expect you for
another nine and a half minutes.
167
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,914
See? I told you it was rude to be early.
168
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:39,875
Well, let's cancel the entire
evening and try again next year.
169
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:43,797
Baby. She is hilarious. I thought
you might need some help setting up.
170
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,383
Oh. I'll put these in some water.
Thank you.
171
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:48,677
Marcus, you can help
with the bœuf Bourguignon.
172
00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:50,721
I subbed shallots for
onions in the mirepoix.
173
00:07:50,805 --> 00:07:55,184
No. Are you kidding? [WHISPERS] I
have no idea what he's talking about.
174
00:07:57,353 --> 00:07:59,563
I'm sorry. We're screwed.
I should just break up with him.
175
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:02,108
No, no, no, no.
Santiago is always on time.
176
00:08:02,192 --> 00:08:04,193
We only have to make small talk for…
177
00:08:04,277 --> 00:08:05,570
Eight minutes and 45 seconds.
178
00:08:05,654 --> 00:08:09,991
We better keep it impersonal. Acceptable
topics include what constitutes a grain,
179
00:08:10,075 --> 00:08:14,412
the Hubble Space Telescope, orchid
varietals, the birth of the transistor…
180
00:08:14,496 --> 00:08:15,581
We only have to fill eight minutes.
181
00:08:15,665 --> 00:08:20,002
Sure, but think about it as 480 seconds,
and you'll see why I'm concerned.
182
00:08:20,503 --> 00:08:21,754
Oh, my God.
183
00:08:21,838 --> 00:08:27,051
Uh-oh, Amy. Train's moving real slow.
We're gonna be epically late.
184
00:08:27,552 --> 00:08:30,930
Keep your reaction short and to the point.
I'm running out of mem.
185
00:08:31,014 --> 00:08:34,517
Sorry, Gina. I hope we're late.
That's how the fashionable crowd lives.
186
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,603
I told you. Tonight, I'm gonna have fun.
187
00:08:37,354 --> 00:08:39,939
What? I'm being chill.
188
00:08:40,023 --> 00:08:41,274
Why are you looking at me like that?
189
00:08:41,358 --> 00:08:45,530
Because something stinks.
And it's definitely the food you brought.
190
00:08:46,197 --> 00:08:49,701
I think it smells great.
It's my mom's famous Niçoise salad.
191
00:08:49,868 --> 00:08:53,913
Amy, all your cooking stinks. Why would
you even get involved with tuna and egg?
192
00:08:53,997 --> 00:08:55,623
No one else seems to mind it.
193
00:08:55,707 --> 00:08:59,085
We mind. We really, really mind.
Just throw it out.
194
00:08:59,169 --> 00:09:04,383
I will not throw it out. But I will open
a window. Because I'm a nice person.
195
00:09:06,969 --> 00:09:10,138
And I'm an even nicer person.
Bye-bye, salad!
196
00:09:10,222 --> 00:09:11,265
No!
197
00:09:15,562 --> 00:09:19,065
Yo. Still no movement.
How was the snack machine?
198
00:09:19,441 --> 00:09:20,984
Ah. Snacks abound.
199
00:09:21,234 --> 00:09:24,487
Told you this place was awesome.
My theory is that Olson and his brother
200
00:09:24,571 --> 00:09:27,532
have been using it as a home base while
they rob places up and down the coast.
201
00:09:27,616 --> 00:09:31,328
Fascinating, fascinating.
Do you desire a crispened potato?
202
00:09:31,412 --> 00:09:34,832
Ah, don't mind if I doobie.
Wait a minute. Crispened potato?
203
00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:36,083
Why are you fancy-talking?
204
00:09:36,167 --> 00:09:38,753
How dare you, sir?
I speak the common tongue.
205
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,547
There it is again. You only do that
when you're lying or hiding something.
206
00:09:41,631 --> 00:09:44,092
Hiding? Ha! Pish-posh.
207
00:09:44,426 --> 00:09:46,136
-[KNOCK AT DOOR]
-JEFFORDS: Housekeeping!
208
00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:50,170
That's not housekeeping, that's betrayal!
I can't believe you called the Sarge.
209
00:09:51,475 --> 00:09:55,103
Hey, Sarge.
Don't "Hey, Sarge" me, Peralta.
210
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,355
I'm about to break the
rest of your damn body.
211
00:09:57,439 --> 00:09:59,859
Okay, fine. I accept my fate.
212
00:09:59,943 --> 00:10:03,843
Just take a picture of my penis first
for posterity, and then do what you must.
213
00:10:04,489 --> 00:10:06,577
Amy says that we
should start dinner without
214
00:10:06,661 --> 00:10:08,784
her.
And then, she writes "whatevs," colon,
215
00:10:08,868 --> 00:10:10,536
hyphen, closed parentheses.
216
00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:14,708
Great. It's much nicer just the
four of us. We can really get into it.
217
00:10:14,792 --> 00:10:19,546
Yeah, let's do just that. Uh… So,
Marcus, what, uh, orchids can you name?
218
00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:21,256
Oh, that's easy. None.
219
00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:25,385
Ah, well, here are the orchids that I can
name. Beclardia, Beloglottis, Benthamia,
220
00:10:25,469 --> 00:10:27,345
Diphylax, Dipodium, Evotella…
221
00:10:27,429 --> 00:10:30,892
Raymond, you know how much I
love hearing you talk about orchids.
222
00:10:30,976 --> 00:10:32,435
Great. Then there's Eriaxis…
223
00:10:32,519 --> 00:10:35,647
But I would love to hear
more about our guest.
224
00:10:36,314 --> 00:10:38,149
Rosa, tell us about your family.
225
00:10:40,777 --> 00:10:41,820
I have one.
226
00:10:42,112 --> 00:10:44,281
You've got to give him
more deets than that.
227
00:10:44,365 --> 00:10:47,159
Her father's a teacher.
They're from Bensonhurst.
228
00:10:47,326 --> 00:10:50,204
Speaking of which, have they finished
repairing the Hubble Space Telescope?
229
00:10:50,288 --> 00:10:53,749
Yes, six years ago.
So, do you have siblings?
230
00:10:55,042 --> 00:10:56,836
I have…
231
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:00,048
Two sisters.
232
00:11:02,759 --> 00:11:03,885
I have to leave this.
233
00:11:06,930 --> 00:11:08,015
[CLEARS THROAT]
234
00:11:10,183 --> 00:11:14,272
Whoo. Great idea, take a breather.
That was way too personal.
235
00:11:14,397 --> 00:11:18,943
No one needs to know you have sisters.
New topic. The moons of Jupiter.
236
00:11:20,236 --> 00:11:21,636
I think I might be pregnant.
237
00:11:23,323 --> 00:11:24,365
Oh.
238
00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:27,870
Oh!
239
00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:32,958
Oh… No.
240
00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:35,981
I came down here to stop you from doing
241
00:11:36,065 --> 00:11:38,630
something stupid.
I called the ACPD and told
242
00:11:38,714 --> 00:11:42,218
them we had a possible perp at this motel.
They're sending a squad car.
243
00:11:42,552 --> 00:11:45,721
Wow, Boyle.
The fact that you would sell me out after
244
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:50,518
I brought you to Atlantic City on a
half-expenses-paid best friends trip.
245
00:11:50,602 --> 00:11:54,313
I know, I'm sorry, it's just…
I was worried about you getting hurt.
246
00:11:54,397 --> 00:11:57,985
No, Charles, don't apologize!
We're mad at him!
247
00:11:58,527 --> 00:12:01,196
I had to miss family dinner
to drive my ass out here.
248
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:02,739
Well, no one asked you to do that.
249
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:05,409
Actually, I did. Remember?
I betrayed you.
250
00:12:05,493 --> 00:12:08,412
Charles. What are you doing, bud?
I just dug you out of this.
251
00:12:08,496 --> 00:12:11,332
Peralta, we're going home as
soon as that squad car gets here.
252
00:12:11,416 --> 00:12:13,167
Until then, you sit tight.
253
00:12:13,251 --> 00:12:15,587
You're on time-out.
That's your time-out chair.
254
00:12:15,712 --> 00:12:18,423
Fine.
But first, I have to go to the bathroom.
255
00:12:18,507 --> 00:12:20,842
And it will be work due
to my injured tailbone
256
00:12:20,926 --> 00:12:22,844
and bruised bladder.
257
00:12:23,553 --> 00:12:25,180
Yeah. Yeah.
258
00:12:29,644 --> 00:12:36,025
What the hell? Please be Olson.
Please be Olson. Please be Olson.
259
00:12:37,026 --> 00:12:38,361
You're not Olson.
260
00:12:40,154 --> 00:12:41,198
Oh, no.
261
00:12:42,574 --> 00:12:43,617
[GRUNTS]
262
00:12:45,536 --> 00:12:46,578
Uh-oh.
263
00:12:49,748 --> 00:12:50,790
JEFFORDS: This stinks!
264
00:12:50,874 --> 00:12:54,377
I should be at home taking care of my real
babies, not some big, dumb, work baby.
265
00:12:54,461 --> 00:12:56,274
I know you're upset,
Sarge, but I think the
266
00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,299
fact that you came all
the way down here has
267
00:12:58,383 --> 00:12:59,759
really taught Jake a lesson.
268
00:12:59,843 --> 00:13:00,885
-[BANGING ON WINDOW]
-JAKE: Help!
269
00:13:00,969 --> 00:13:02,969
And I'm wrong. He's done something dumb.
270
00:13:03,471 --> 00:13:04,680
JAKE: Help! Help! Cover yourself, Jake!
271
00:13:04,764 --> 00:13:06,864
It's your friend, Charles
Boyle, from work!
272
00:13:08,351 --> 00:13:10,061
Hey, guys.
273
00:13:11,730 --> 00:13:14,108
What the hell are you
doing out there, Peralta?
274
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:18,487
Would you believe that my urine
stream was so powerful that it shot…
275
00:13:18,571 --> 00:13:19,946
Nope. Okay.
276
00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:23,075
I thought I saw our perp.
And I know I'm not supposed to be working,
277
00:13:23,159 --> 00:13:26,996
but technically, I wasn't
working, because it wasn't our guy.
278
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,353
Get out of the bathroom!
We're gonna go sit
279
00:13:29,437 --> 00:13:31,793
on those gross beds
and talk about the fact
280
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,086
that you have a real problem!
281
00:13:33,170 --> 00:13:35,797
Okay. I get that you're mad,
and we are definitely gonna talk.
282
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:38,633
But I still haven't technically gotten
to go pee, so if you wouldn't mind…
283
00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:42,317
I don't care. You have lost the
right to pee. You can fidget, little man.
284
00:13:43,806 --> 00:13:47,184
Well… It's gonna be on you when
we're all covered in my whizz.
285
00:13:47,268 --> 00:13:48,603
Get your ass out there.
286
00:13:49,270 --> 00:13:52,732
Are your bosoms tender?
287
00:13:53,149 --> 00:13:54,776
I'm gonna pretend that
you didn't just ask me that.
288
00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:56,820
Are your senses heightened?
289
00:13:56,904 --> 00:14:00,054
I think I might be pregnant,
not bitten by a radioactive spider.
290
00:14:01,533 --> 00:14:04,119
Kevin asked me about my sister.
She just told me she's pregnant.
291
00:14:04,203 --> 00:14:05,353
And that made me think.
292
00:14:05,787 --> 00:14:08,581
I've been feeling rundown
lately, my stomach's been weird,
293
00:14:08,665 --> 00:14:11,001
and I just did the math in my
head and I think I'm a little bit late.
294
00:14:11,085 --> 00:14:14,672
Late to, uh… Oh, right. Right. Your, um…
295
00:14:15,340 --> 00:14:18,634
What if I'm pregnant? Do I tell Marcus?
What do I do with a baby?
296
00:14:18,718 --> 00:14:20,719
How do you take care of those things?
Why are their heads so soft?
297
00:14:20,803 --> 00:14:23,389
Before you spiral any more,
you should take a pregnancy test.
298
00:14:23,473 --> 00:14:24,975
Yes, smart. Immediately.
299
00:14:25,976 --> 00:14:28,603
Oh, immediately, immediately.
300
00:14:28,687 --> 00:14:30,605
Uh, very well.
I'll figure out a way to get
301
00:14:30,689 --> 00:14:32,691
you out of here without
arousing suspicion.
302
00:14:32,775 --> 00:14:35,975
Now I'm regretting blowing
through my orchid material so quickly.
303
00:14:36,529 --> 00:14:39,908
Jake, you put work ahead of
everything else and it's not healthy.
304
00:14:40,075 --> 00:14:42,536
Remember Cagney and
Lacey's third birthday party?
305
00:14:42,702 --> 00:14:45,246
I hired you as Jakels the Clown?
How'd that go?
306
00:14:45,330 --> 00:14:50,001
[SILLY VOICE] And Jeremy
the Giraffe has a very long neck.
307
00:14:50,669 --> 00:14:53,881
That's it! The hooker was strangled!
308
00:14:54,423 --> 00:14:56,592
You were thinking that at a kid's party.
309
00:14:56,676 --> 00:14:58,844
Life is more than just whatever
case you're working on.
310
00:14:58,928 --> 00:15:00,888
If you don't figure out
how to balance things,
311
00:15:00,972 --> 00:15:03,807
you're gonna burn out or get hurt.
Oh, look, you did get hurt.
312
00:15:03,891 --> 00:15:08,354
Okay. Fine. You guys make
some great points. But counter-point,
313
00:15:08,438 --> 00:15:10,488
I am right all the time.
There's our perp.
314
00:15:13,235 --> 00:15:14,653
All right. Let's go!
315
00:15:15,028 --> 00:15:17,530
Jake! Observe him from a safe distance
316
00:15:17,614 --> 00:15:19,491
while we wait for the
Atlantic City PD to show up.
317
00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:22,077
My exact instinct as well, Sarge.
Good thinking.
318
00:15:22,828 --> 00:15:24,997
Oh, no. Are you certain we
have to cut the party short?
319
00:15:25,081 --> 00:15:26,999
Uh, yes, unfortunately,
Detective Diaz has an
320
00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:29,168
unexpected emergency to take care of.
321
00:15:29,252 --> 00:15:30,920
All right. Do you need to go as well?
322
00:15:31,004 --> 00:15:32,704
No, it's not quite Captain-worthy.
323
00:15:33,006 --> 00:15:36,217
But still advanced enough
that Detective Diaz's
324
00:15:36,301 --> 00:15:39,513
talents are best qualified
to handle the, um…
325
00:15:39,597 --> 00:15:41,139
Non-emergency emergency.
326
00:15:41,223 --> 00:15:43,434
Yes. Precisely. See? She's great.
327
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:45,811
I should go do that. Now. Yes.
328
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:51,816
Hey, what's up? Hi.
Hi. Sorry we're so late.
329
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,695
Actually, the party is over. What?
330
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:57,156
The party is over! Oh, I see.
331
00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:02,287
You heard me, you were just taken
by surprise. Very well. Um, goodnight.
332
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,039
But… Oh…
333
00:16:06,041 --> 00:16:07,250
[SIGHS]
334
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,629
All I wanted to do was impress
Captain Holt, and you know what?
335
00:16:10,713 --> 00:16:13,215
It didn't matter.
It didn't matter that we were late.
336
00:16:13,299 --> 00:16:15,008
It didn't matter that I was chill.
337
00:16:15,092 --> 00:16:16,969
And it didn't matter that
the rats ate my salad.
338
00:16:17,053 --> 00:16:19,555
Oh, no. I definitely saw
them running away from it.
339
00:16:25,729 --> 00:16:28,529
You know what, my friend?
It's time to be chill for real.
340
00:16:32,235 --> 00:16:35,364
Mmm. Yes, Gaga! Yes, that's the spirit!
341
00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:37,200
[GIGGLING]
342
00:16:37,617 --> 00:16:39,410
We should go. Yep.
343
00:16:40,161 --> 00:16:42,664
Damn ACPD. They should be here by now.
344
00:16:43,748 --> 00:16:45,749
He's looking at us.
Pretend to use the ice machine, Boyle.
345
00:16:45,833 --> 00:16:48,794
Gladly.
Why is it so fun to get hotel ice?
346
00:16:48,878 --> 00:16:52,478
It feels wasteful, but also like, I
bought this room, I deserve this ice.
347
00:16:52,841 --> 00:16:54,301
Shh. He's on the move.
348
00:16:55,469 --> 00:16:58,019
JEFFORDS: Okay, I'll
follow until the ACPD get here.
349
00:16:59,473 --> 00:17:01,224
Damn it! Stay put, Peralta!
350
00:17:01,308 --> 00:17:03,643
I will! Don't worry!
I'm just gonna let Sarge follow him.
351
00:17:03,727 --> 00:17:05,812
I'm gonna stay here. I can't do it.
I'm gonna cut him off in the alley.
352
00:17:05,896 --> 00:17:07,273
Ow, ow, ow.
353
00:17:08,858 --> 00:17:11,486
Ha! Short cut. You just got "Jaked."
354
00:17:13,697 --> 00:17:15,990
Oh! Oh, Jake! Oh…
355
00:17:17,325 --> 00:17:19,452
Jake! You okay?
356
00:17:19,536 --> 00:17:22,039
No, Sarge. I got hit by a car.
357
00:17:25,584 --> 00:17:27,268
Are you happy now? Broken ribs and a
358
00:17:27,352 --> 00:17:29,463
million broken toes
weren't enough for you?
359
00:17:29,547 --> 00:17:32,424
In retrospect, they were plenty. Yes.
360
00:17:32,508 --> 00:17:34,217
The worst part is, Olson got away.
361
00:17:34,301 --> 00:17:37,221
That's the worst part?
You could have died, man.
362
00:17:37,305 --> 00:17:40,892
I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor
said all my bleeding was internal.
363
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:43,059
That's where the blood's supposed to be.
364
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:45,897
Look, I know you're angry because
I disrespected you as a boss.
365
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:50,031
No! I'm upset my friend doesn't want my
help because he insists on being an idiot.
366
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:54,824
You know what? You're a lost cause. I'm
done trying to help you. Terry's leaving.
367
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:56,743
Wait.
368
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:02,539
My second year on the force,
I was working a drug case.
369
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,500
Tracking this drug dealer for months.
370
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,629
And then, suddenly, he disappeared
right before Memorial Day.
371
00:18:07,713 --> 00:18:10,799
Which I was supposed to take off
for a guys' weekend with some friends.
372
00:18:10,883 --> 00:18:12,833
But how? We didn't know each other yet.
373
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:15,762
Oh, other friends.
374
00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:18,098
While I was gone, the
dude resurfaced and got into
375
00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:21,519
a shootout with another drug dealer.
Two civilians got shot.
376
00:18:21,978 --> 00:18:24,355
Meanwhile, I was sipping
piña coladas in Philly.
377
00:18:24,856 --> 00:18:27,956
From that day on, I vowed to
never take time off during a case.
378
00:18:28,443 --> 00:18:30,236
Also, I don't love Philly.
379
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,655
Jake, I get it. Philly sucks.
380
00:18:32,989 --> 00:18:34,573
Yeah. But why didn't you ever tell us?
381
00:18:34,657 --> 00:18:38,036
I was embarrassed about the choice I made.
People got hurt because of me.
382
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,870
Perps get away. People get hurt.
That's part of the job.
383
00:18:41,373 --> 00:18:44,668
But if you don't give yourself a
break, you'll be no use to anyone.
384
00:18:44,752 --> 00:18:45,902
Because you'll be dead.
385
00:18:46,629 --> 00:18:47,979
Real talk alert. [CHUCKLES]
386
00:18:49,423 --> 00:18:50,467
Okay.
387
00:18:50,842 --> 00:18:54,804
I get it. I'd give you a hug, but right
now, my body has the structural integrity
388
00:18:54,888 --> 00:18:57,015
of a chocolate soufflé. Ooh.
389
00:19:00,769 --> 00:19:05,649
I am so hungover.
Did we steal these sunglasses last night?
390
00:19:05,733 --> 00:19:11,196
No, you paid the bodega guy $200 for them.
And his shirt.
391
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:15,368
Ugh. That explains why I have a
XXXL Scarf ace hoodie on my couch.
392
00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:19,121
Eh, worth it. It was a pretty fun night.
393
00:19:19,205 --> 00:19:22,709
Hey. I just wanted to say I'm sorry
for canceling the party so abruptly.
394
00:19:22,793 --> 00:19:26,129
There was a non-emergency emergency.
395
00:19:26,213 --> 00:19:31,676
Your loss. Amy made a salad and
a cake, and they were… Amazing.
396
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,012
Well, let's put a make-up
dinner in the calendar.
397
00:19:34,096 --> 00:19:38,559
Or we could just go with the flow.
See what happens. I don't give a what.
398
00:19:38,643 --> 00:19:39,685
Too much.
399
00:19:39,769 --> 00:19:41,919
I mean, that would be great.
Thank you, sir.
400
00:19:44,774 --> 00:19:46,776
Captain. Detective Diaz.
401
00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:49,405
I'm not pregnant.
402
00:19:50,030 --> 00:19:52,449
I see. I just wanted to say thank you.
403
00:19:53,242 --> 00:19:54,942
Talking to you was really helpful.
404
00:19:55,578 --> 00:19:59,498
Maybe mixing our personal and professional
lives isn't as disgusting as it sounds.
405
00:19:59,582 --> 00:20:02,001
Yes, I agree. And…
406
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,297
I'm glad I could help.
407
00:20:06,047 --> 00:20:08,842
Now, let's never talk about…
408
00:20:10,427 --> 00:20:12,345
Stop pointing at it. Yes, of course.
409
00:20:12,429 --> 00:20:13,680
Um…
410
00:20:14,472 --> 00:20:15,557
Dismissed?
411
00:20:20,938 --> 00:20:24,024
Yo. Welcome back, Peralta.
You look rested.
412
00:20:24,108 --> 00:20:27,569
Thank you, I am. I caught up on a
lot of very important daytime television,
413
00:20:27,653 --> 00:20:29,905
I tried grapefruit juice
for the first time, terrible,
414
00:20:29,989 --> 00:20:32,450
and one day, I even bought the newspaper.
415
00:20:32,950 --> 00:20:35,036
It was raining, and I
needed a cheap umbrella.
416
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:37,705
Impressive.
And how's your broken everything?
417
00:20:37,789 --> 00:20:39,457
Doctor gave me the
all-clear to come back to work.
418
00:20:39,541 --> 00:20:41,681
And I'm allowed to
have light, non-strenuous
419
00:20:41,765 --> 00:20:43,837
sex, provided I stretch before and after.
420
00:20:44,463 --> 00:20:45,589
Nice.
421
00:20:48,301 --> 00:20:51,137
Well, it's, uh, great to have you back.
422
00:20:52,305 --> 00:20:54,765
Your perp got picked up
by some uniforms in the 78.
423
00:20:54,849 --> 00:20:57,434
But I have a couple other
B&Es you could jump on.
424
00:20:57,518 --> 00:21:01,021
Oh. Actually, Sarge, I'm
not back-back just yet.
425
00:21:01,105 --> 00:21:03,192
I decided to take two more vacation days.
426
00:21:03,525 --> 00:21:04,568
A friend of mine said I needed
427
00:21:04,652 --> 00:21:05,944
to experience life outside of work.
428
00:21:06,028 --> 00:21:07,070
Smart friend.
429
00:21:07,154 --> 00:21:09,739
Anyways, I figure I owe
Boyle a legit trip to AC. So…
430
00:21:09,823 --> 00:21:10,866
That's right, y'all.
431
00:21:10,950 --> 00:21:13,243
It's time for ACDC part 2,
432
00:21:13,327 --> 00:21:15,663
Atlantic City Destruction Crew.
433
00:21:15,913 --> 00:21:16,955
Yeah, actually not bad.
434
00:21:17,039 --> 00:21:20,042
Because we are going
to destroy eight different
435
00:21:20,126 --> 00:21:24,922
taffy crawls and one "Ghosts
of the Boardwalk" bus tour.
436
00:21:25,006 --> 00:21:27,133
Not where I saw that
going, but I'm still excited.
437
00:21:27,217 --> 00:21:28,259
Ha-ho!
438
00:21:28,343 --> 00:21:29,844
This is gonna be epic, bro.
439
00:21:30,428 --> 00:21:33,078
Quick, Sarge, punch me in
the ribs as hard as you can.
36557
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