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1
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[adult Sheldon] Previously on
Young Sheldon...
2
00:00:04,214 --> 00:00:07,132
Do you know if he'll be doing
the full-color octet calculations?
3
00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:08,091
I do not.
4
00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:10,427
Do you know how to differentiate
under the integral sign?
5
00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:12,430
- No.
- Do you know anything?
6
00:00:13,139 --> 00:00:15,058
Anyone know what happens to Baryons?
7
00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:16,775
Yes, Paige.
8
00:00:16,776 --> 00:00:20,187
We can ignore the particle masses
at the individual quark level.
9
00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:21,314
Correct.
10
00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:23,900
A unique child can require
a lot of attention.
11
00:00:23,983 --> 00:00:25,109
Try all the attention.
12
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:27,027
I think my parents
are getting a divorce.
13
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:28,780
- Why?
- They fight all the time.
14
00:00:29,239 --> 00:00:31,282
- About what?
- Mostly me.
15
00:00:31,366 --> 00:00:33,368
- I guess I'm lucky.
- Why?
16
00:00:33,743 --> 00:00:36,162
I'm the glue
that holds our family together.
17
00:00:36,246 --> 00:00:38,498
- Hey, Sheldon.
- What did you do to your hair?
18
00:00:38,581 --> 00:00:41,167
Is this because
your parents got divorced?
19
00:00:41,251 --> 00:00:43,541
You're so smart.
Why are you acting like this?
20
00:00:44,671 --> 00:00:48,883
My mom is going on dates
and my dad is acting like a child.
21
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:52,053
It's just... hard to care.
22
00:00:54,806 --> 00:00:56,558
Can I offer you a hot beverage?
23
00:01:02,814 --> 00:01:06,364
[adult Sheldon] Children everywhere
are excited by summer vacation
24
00:01:06,401 --> 00:01:07,860
and I was no exception.
25
00:01:08,403 --> 00:01:11,781
Because instead of vacation
Bible school with my sister,
26
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:14,200
I was headed to the local library
27
00:01:14,284 --> 00:01:16,661
for a fun-filled week
of postal delights,
28
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,788
otherwise known as "Stamp-Camp."
29
00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:21,583
In 1989, they released dinosaur stamps.
30
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No one cares.
31
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,627
Come on now, he's excited.
32
00:01:24,711 --> 00:01:27,130
And that gets my "stamp" of approval.
33
00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:30,717
I'm using that.
It's going to kill at stamp camp.
34
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,719
Oh, sorry, it was cancelled.
35
00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:35,096
What? Why?
36
00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,556
Not enough interest.
37
00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,266
Not enough interest in stamps?
38
00:01:38,267 --> 00:01:41,101
It's the fastest growing hobby
in people 70 and over
39
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,687
according to Reader's Digest.
40
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,063
Sorry, sweetie.
41
00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:45,827
Well, what am I supposed to do now?
42
00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:47,734
Ha! You have to go to Bible camp.
43
00:01:49,611 --> 00:01:51,613
[theme song playing]
44
00:02:12,592 --> 00:02:15,803
Come on, Shelly. It's a space theme.
Isn't that fun?
45
00:02:16,054 --> 00:02:18,973
Jesus was a carpenter, not an astronaut.
46
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:20,650
Maybe he built the rocket.
47
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:22,310
What did he use for fuel?
48
00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:24,228
Ooh, donut holes!
49
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,526
Can I please wait in the car?
50
00:02:26,564 --> 00:02:28,399
No! I want you to be here.
51
00:02:28,483 --> 00:02:30,860
I'll be fine.
You can crack the back window.
52
00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:31,993
[Paige] Hi, Sheldon.
53
00:02:32,028 --> 00:02:34,197
Paige? What are you doing here?
54
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:35,372
My mom made me.
55
00:02:35,373 --> 00:02:37,199
See, she doesn't wanna be here either.
56
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,640
I'm gonna go say hi to your mom.
57
00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:41,004
Why did your mom make you?
58
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,581
Punishment.
I got caught with cigarettes.
59
00:02:43,582 --> 00:02:44,831
Why would you want to smoke?
60
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:45,882
To look older?
61
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:48,044
My Meemaw smokes. I guess it works.
62
00:02:48,628 --> 00:02:49,712
So, why are you here?
63
00:02:49,713 --> 00:02:52,005
Do you believe in this stuff now?
64
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,841
No. Stamp camp got cancelled.
65
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,615
Further proof there is no God.
66
00:02:56,678 --> 00:02:57,762
[door opens]
67
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:00,848
I did it. I bought a car.
68
00:03:00,932 --> 00:03:02,392
Really? You got the Mustang?
69
00:03:02,809 --> 00:03:05,561
I was fixing to, but then
something else caught my eye.
70
00:03:05,645 --> 00:03:06,845
You did something dumb?
71
00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:10,692
Now, it needs a little bit of work,
but once I'm done
72
00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:12,694
- it's gonna be amazing...
- No.
73
00:03:13,736 --> 00:03:14,786
What do you mean?
74
00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:16,489
It's got low-mileage.
75
00:03:16,781 --> 00:03:18,282
Great stereo.
76
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:19,534
Check this out.
77
00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:24,212
Look at all the room!
78
00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:25,964
Hell no!
79
00:03:25,965 --> 00:03:27,709
Why?
80
00:03:27,710 --> 00:03:30,378
This isn't a car.
It's a motel room on wheels.
81
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:32,600
Is that how little you think of me?
82
00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:34,674
[scoffs] Yes. Maybe less.
83
00:03:34,675 --> 00:03:36,967
George, your mother works
for the church.
84
00:03:36,968 --> 00:03:38,108
This doesn't look good.
85
00:03:38,970 --> 00:03:40,780
I don't know.
Looks pretty good to me.
86
00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:43,099
- Please, listen to me.
- Come on.
87
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,892
If I drive Sheldon to college,
he can sleep back there.
88
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,062
So you saw that couch
89
00:03:48,146 --> 00:03:51,482
and the first thought you had was,
"My brother can sleep on that."
90
00:03:52,984 --> 00:03:54,034
Not my first thought.
91
00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:58,698
[Christian song playing]
92
00:04:01,868 --> 00:04:03,428
This licorice tastes terrible.
93
00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:06,330
It's plastic.
You use it to weave a lanyard.
94
00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:09,041
No, it's licorice.
95
00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:13,546
Your mother lets you wear lipstick?
96
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:15,423
- Of course not.
- Interesting.
97
00:04:15,424 --> 00:04:17,799
Does she know
you're leading a double life?
98
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,051
Grow up.
99
00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:23,054
Why do you think you're rebelling
against parental authority?
100
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,182
Isn't it obvious?
101
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,555
Having a textbook reaction
to their divorce.
102
00:04:26,559 --> 00:04:28,969
What textbook?
Did you get it from the library?
103
00:04:29,395 --> 00:04:32,231
Hello, Biblenauts!
104
00:04:33,024 --> 00:04:34,074
Gather around!
105
00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:40,948
Now, who's ready to find "space"
for Jesus in our hearts?
106
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,285
I can't hear you.
107
00:04:44,286 --> 00:04:45,328
Perhaps that's because
108
00:04:45,329 --> 00:04:47,619
space is a vacuum
where sound doesn't travel.
109
00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:48,922
Nicely done.
110
00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:50,858
You're not the only rebel around here.
111
00:04:51,501 --> 00:04:52,877
I thought he had stamp camp.
112
00:04:52,878 --> 00:04:55,712
Just go get your money back
and buy a different car.
113
00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:56,763
No!
114
00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:58,632
Georgie, I'm not playing around.
115
00:04:58,633 --> 00:05:00,760
Neither am I.
I bought it with my own money
116
00:05:00,761 --> 00:05:01,885
and you don't get a say.
117
00:05:01,886 --> 00:05:04,429
As long as you live under my roof,
I get plenty of say.
118
00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:05,807
Fine! I'll move out.
119
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,308
And where you gonna go?
120
00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:08,643
I'll live in the van.
121
00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:11,770
You know what?
It was only a matter of time
122
00:05:11,771 --> 00:05:13,731
before you lived in a van. Have at it.
123
00:05:14,607 --> 00:05:17,017
Scooby-Doo lived in a van
and he turned out fine.
124
00:05:18,236 --> 00:05:20,905
I'm a rocket man
125
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:24,951
Rocket man flying up to Heaven
with the Lord
126
00:05:27,537 --> 00:05:30,122
And I think it's gonna be
a fun old time...
127
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:33,508
[clapping]
128
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:34,634
All right. Amen.
129
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,712
Sing "Ice Ice Baby."
130
00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:39,882
- Don't know it.
- How about Paula Abdul?
131
00:05:39,883 --> 00:05:40,882
Nope.
132
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,384
Ooh!
The Teenage Mutant Ninja theme.
133
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:43,945
Mary, what is that I'm hearing?
134
00:05:44,262 --> 00:05:45,763
Oh! Right.
135
00:05:45,764 --> 00:05:46,847
[bell clangs]
136
00:05:46,848 --> 00:05:49,016
It's the prize bell!
137
00:05:49,559 --> 00:05:52,061
What do you think the prize is?
You get to go home?
138
00:05:52,854 --> 00:05:55,024
Is the joke that leaving
would be a reward?
139
00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:56,656
Yes.
140
00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:58,283
I get that joke.
141
00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:01,779
Now, for a Psalm 100 bookmark,
142
00:06:02,238 --> 00:06:03,678
who can name the 12 apostles?
143
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:08,077
- Billy.
- Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc...
144
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,787
Those are dwarves. Anyone else?
145
00:06:09,788 --> 00:06:12,581
Look at these suckers
trying to compete for a stupid bookmark.
146
00:06:12,582 --> 00:06:14,917
They probably
don't even know Psalm 100.
147
00:06:15,001 --> 00:06:16,051
Or what a book is.
148
00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:18,129
How about six apostles?
149
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:19,930
Just give me six.
150
00:06:19,931 --> 00:06:22,924
I'll settle for three
and I'll spot you Judas.
151
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:25,176
I don't even care about church
and I can name them all.
152
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,304
So can I.
153
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,438
No, you can't.
154
00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:30,273
Yes, I can.
155
00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:32,668
I can even do it in alphabetical order.
156
00:06:33,019 --> 00:06:36,389
Well, I can name them in the order
they appear in the Book of Matthew.
157
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,283
Paige, yes.
158
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,945
Peter, Andrew, James, son of Zebedee,
159
00:06:43,029 --> 00:06:46,532
John, Philip, Bartholomew,
Thomas, Matthew,
160
00:06:46,616 --> 00:06:50,119
James, son of Alphaeus, Thaddeus,
Simon and Judas.
161
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:52,972
And that's the order they appear
in the Book of Matthew.
162
00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:54,874
[Pastor Jeff] Fantastic!
163
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,501
You just won yourself
a Psalm 100 bookmark.
164
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,629
Thank you! I love that Psalm.
165
00:07:00,129 --> 00:07:01,547
[clapping]
166
00:07:01,548 --> 00:07:05,008
[adult Sheldon] You would think winning
a Nobel Prize in physics
167
00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:07,179
would make this moment
meaningless to me,
168
00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:11,724
but all these years later,
it still burns my butt!
169
00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:21,859
Why would Paige get competitive
over Bible trivia?
170
00:07:21,943 --> 00:07:23,323
She doesn't care about that.
171
00:07:23,778 --> 00:07:25,578
Maybe she just wanted that bookmark.
172
00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:28,950
Yeah. I wanted this,
"What would Jesus do?" slap bracelet.
173
00:07:28,951 --> 00:07:30,033
Ow.
174
00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:33,036
I liked it better when she and I
were making fun of everything.
175
00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:35,831
You might have more fun
if you participated too.
176
00:07:36,374 --> 00:07:37,708
Oh, I'll participate.
177
00:07:37,792 --> 00:07:38,918
Great!
178
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:41,471
If Paige wants to go head to head
on Bible trivia,
179
00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:44,274
she picked the wrong
fact-filled atheist to mess with.
180
00:07:44,275 --> 00:07:45,298
Great.
181
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:46,717
[Missy slaps wrist] Ow.
182
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,552
Well?
183
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,222
It's very... colorful.
184
00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:53,891
Not just colorful. Patriotic.
185
00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:55,601
It's also a little gross.
186
00:07:55,602 --> 00:07:57,686
It just needs a little shampoo.
187
00:07:57,687 --> 00:07:59,007
But check out the best part.
188
00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:04,784
Wanna try it out?
189
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,946
In front of your parents' house?
190
00:08:07,947 --> 00:08:10,449
That's what's so great.
We can drive it anywhere.
191
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,535
Empty field, abandoned parking lot.
192
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:14,495
Wherever love takes us.
193
00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:16,337
[sniffs]
194
00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:18,040
What is that smell?
195
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,009
There was a mouse in the mini-fridge.
196
00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:23,470
Ew!
197
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:26,632
Did you hear me?
There is a mini-fridge!
198
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:30,744
You really making him live out there?
199
00:08:30,745 --> 00:08:33,555
[scoffs] He's not gonna last one night
in that nasty thing.
200
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,307
Have you seen that boy's room?
201
00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:38,894
Judah was the father
of Perez and Zerah by Tamar,
202
00:08:38,895 --> 00:08:42,022
Perez was the father of Hezron,
and Hezron was the father of Ram.
203
00:08:42,023 --> 00:08:43,356
Why is he reading the Bible?
204
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:46,110
To humiliate and destroy Paige
at Bible camp.
205
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,243
That.
206
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,280
Missy doing anything stupid?
207
00:08:51,824 --> 00:08:52,874
No.
208
00:08:53,159 --> 00:08:55,161
One out of three. Not bad. Hey!
209
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,740
Where do you think you're going?
210
00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,005
Bathroom?
211
00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:00,761
No, you're not. You don't live here.
212
00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:01,841
George.
213
00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:04,046
You want him
making grandkids in that van?
214
00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,213
You heard him! Get!
215
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,014
Dang it.
216
00:09:09,175 --> 00:09:10,225
[doorbell rings]
217
00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:13,044
Can I use your bathroom?
218
00:09:13,054 --> 00:09:15,139
Your dad wants to talk to you.
219
00:09:16,432 --> 00:09:18,662
- Hello?
- You can't use her bathroom either.
220
00:09:19,018 --> 00:09:20,068
Dang it!
221
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:23,314
There's a bucket in the garage.
[laughs]
222
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:28,944
[knocking]
223
00:09:32,156 --> 00:09:33,206
Hey!
224
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,530
Brought you some food.
Don't tell your father.
225
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:37,536
Thanks. Wanna come in?
226
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,120
It smells less disgusting now.
227
00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:42,041
I'm really good here.
228
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:46,629
Georgie, um... this is a nice van,
229
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:50,174
but why don't you think about selling it
so you can come back inside?
230
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:53,052
No! I'm not letting him win this one.
231
00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:54,720
[sighs heavily]
232
00:09:54,804 --> 00:09:56,430
You know you can't live in here.
233
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:57,814
Why not?
234
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,316
It's hot out.
235
00:10:01,102 --> 00:10:02,182
The windows roll down.
236
00:10:02,183 --> 00:10:04,437
How are you gonna take a shower?
237
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,178
It's supposed to rain this weekend.
238
00:10:06,482 --> 00:10:07,691
What about a bathroom?
239
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,450
You see that bucket?
240
00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:10,952
Good night.
241
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,690
Ask me
what the fruits of the spirit are.
242
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,050
- I'm sure you know them.
- Of course I do.
243
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:23,874
Love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness,
244
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:26,000
faithfulness, gentleness
and self-control.
245
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,210
Then why do you have to ask?
246
00:10:27,211 --> 00:10:29,441
So I can improve
my hand-raising technique.
247
00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:31,882
Fine. What are the fruits of the spirit?
248
00:10:33,092 --> 00:10:35,177
- Good. We done?
- No, you have to call on me.
249
00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:37,812
Sheldon.
250
00:10:37,813 --> 00:10:40,598
Love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness,
251
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,949
faithfulness, gentleness
and self-control.
252
00:10:42,977 --> 00:10:45,447
Now ask me to name
three wicked women of the Bible.
253
00:10:46,564 --> 00:10:47,940
Can I ask you a question?
254
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:51,273
If it's, "Who are three wicked women
in the Bible?" then go ahead.
255
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:53,195
Why don't you believe in God?
256
00:10:54,864 --> 00:10:55,914
[wearily] Sheldon.
257
00:10:55,915 --> 00:10:58,116
Because science explains the universe
258
00:10:58,117 --> 00:11:00,618
without the need
of inventing a supernatural being.
259
00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:02,909
But how do you know for sure
He doesn't exist?
260
00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:04,422
Stop that!
261
00:11:04,874 --> 00:11:06,584
The burden of proof isn't on me.
262
00:11:06,585 --> 00:11:09,627
If I said there was an invisible monkey
in the room with us,
263
00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:12,630
you shouldn't believe me
just because you can't prove me wrong.
264
00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:15,134
- Why is the monkey invisible?
- I don't know.
265
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:16,385
Is it a ghost monkey?
266
00:11:16,386 --> 00:11:17,677
Sure.
267
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:20,388
- Then why isn't he in Heaven?
- Because there is no Heaven.
268
00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:22,932
- What about monkey Heaven?
- There is no monkey Heaven.
269
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,268
There is no regular Heaven.
270
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,478
When we die we cease to exist.
That's it.
271
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,377
You better hope you're right.
272
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,483
'Cause if I end up in regular Heaven
and you end up in Hell,
273
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:32,617
I'm gonna laugh.
274
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,614
But if you end up in monkey Hell,
I'm gonna laugh even harder.
275
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:37,865
Just paint your nails.
276
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:43,746
God, when Sheldon dies,
please send him to monkey Hell. Amen.
277
00:11:50,211 --> 00:11:51,795
[squeaking]
278
00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:01,896
[Georgie] Ahh!
279
00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:03,265
Get it off! Get it off!
280
00:12:03,266 --> 00:12:05,099
- What was that?
- [Georgie] It's in my hair!
281
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,185
Not my problem.
282
00:12:06,477 --> 00:12:08,854
It's in my hair! It's in my hair!
283
00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:19,489
For your information, not only
am I going to show you up today,
284
00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:21,867
I've also prepared
some biblical trash talk.
285
00:12:21,951 --> 00:12:23,285
What is he talking about?
286
00:12:23,369 --> 00:12:25,204
He stayed up all night studying.
287
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:28,165
- Why?
- To beat you at Bible trivia.
288
00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:30,291
Just like the prophets of mercy
289
00:12:30,292 --> 00:12:33,127
beat the priestly cult
and its emphasis on ritual purity.
290
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,328
Was that the trash talk?
291
00:12:34,329 --> 00:12:38,299
[scoffs] Was Zacchaeus a tax collector?
Was Nicodemus a Pharisee?
292
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:39,350
Just hit him.
293
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:43,097
Okay, campers. Bible trivia time.
294
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:46,058
For a Noah's Ark rain poncho,
295
00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,936
what was Peter's original name?
296
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:52,314
- Sheldon!
- Peter's original name was Simon.
297
00:12:52,398 --> 00:12:54,900
- Correct!
- You didn't know that one, did you?
298
00:12:54,984 --> 00:12:57,444
Yes, I did.
He was also known as Cephas.
299
00:12:57,528 --> 00:12:59,328
Then why didn't you raise your hand?
300
00:12:59,697 --> 00:13:00,948
'Cause I don't care?
301
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:05,160
Next question,
for a John the Baptist pencil topper.
302
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,580
Where did Jesus perform
his first miracle?
303
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,754
- Sheldon.
- A wedding.
304
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:16,929
Correct!
305
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,633
- Aren't you even going to try?
- Nope.
306
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,553
Why won't you compete with me?
307
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:25,723
'Cause it's fun
watching you get upset.
308
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:27,398
What's fun about it?
309
00:13:28,142 --> 00:13:29,192
Everything.
310
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,693
Morning, sunshine.
311
00:13:38,736 --> 00:13:41,238
- What do you want?
- Just to see how you were doing.
312
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,907
I'm fine. Thanks for the juice.
313
00:13:44,283 --> 00:13:45,534
Oh, this isn't for you.
314
00:13:46,702 --> 00:13:47,752
Oh.
315
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:49,587
Mmm.
316
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,192
[smacks lips and exhales]
317
00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:52,833
Cold and refreshing.
318
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,669
So how'd you sleep? You look terrible.
319
00:13:56,128 --> 00:13:57,421
- Are you done?
- Depends.
320
00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,340
You ready to return the van?
321
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,342
This van's not going anywhere.
322
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,018
Don't you have to work this morning?
323
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:06,437
Crap!
324
00:14:09,725 --> 00:14:11,518
[engine stalling]
325
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,228
Yep, not going anywhere.
326
00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:20,986
Paige, a sprig of my hair is askew.
Upsetting, isn't it?
327
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:22,954
No.
328
00:14:22,955 --> 00:14:25,865
But it's going a different direction
from all the other hairs.
329
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:26,916
So?
330
00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,161
You think it's fun irritating me?
331
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,414
I'm giving you
a taste of your own medicine.
332
00:14:31,497 --> 00:14:32,547
Ha.
333
00:14:38,629 --> 00:14:39,797
[vocalizing]
334
00:14:39,874 --> 00:14:41,964
Hey!
335
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:43,015
[startled cry]
336
00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:46,095
I'm on medication, you know.
337
00:14:47,096 --> 00:14:48,476
What are you doing in there?
338
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:51,709
Just washed up in your sink.
Don't wanna offend the customers.
339
00:14:51,710 --> 00:14:53,101
Why?
340
00:14:53,102 --> 00:14:56,437
My dad's mad 'cause I bought a van
and he's not letting me use the house.
341
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:58,941
Oh, so that's your old Chevy
parked out front.
342
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,359
Pretty sweet, right?
343
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:02,569
You have a clean title on it?
344
00:15:02,653 --> 00:15:05,003
Pretty much.
I think it's registered in Mexico.
345
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,064
Well, that's something.
346
00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:09,660
But it's got a bed and a mini-fridge.
347
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,745
Wow. Sweet.
348
00:15:11,829 --> 00:15:14,839
I'm gonna hang some twinkle lights
and maybe get a lava lamp.
349
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:20,254
Georgie, did I ever...
tell you why I got married so young?
350
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:21,929
You were in love?
351
00:15:22,423 --> 00:15:25,884
No, because when I was your age,
I bought a similar vehicle.
352
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:28,811
Cool. What was it?
353
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,516
- Just get dressed.
- Okay.
354
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:41,108
Paige, look how close
this push pen is to this balloon.
355
00:15:41,109 --> 00:15:43,025
Mmm-hmm.
356
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,530
It could pop at any moment.
I bet that drives you...
357
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,001
Hello.
358
00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:53,620
- What now?
- What now?
359
00:15:53,621 --> 00:15:56,122
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
360
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,165
You're just gonna repeat...
361
00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:59,396
Are you just gonna repeat
everything I say?
362
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:01,670
- I Sheldon Cooper...
- I Sheldon Cooper...
363
00:16:01,671 --> 00:16:03,254
...accept Jesus Christ
as my lord and savior.
364
00:16:03,255 --> 00:16:04,381
...accept Jesus Christ...
365
00:16:10,721 --> 00:16:12,264
Go get me a beer, woman.
366
00:16:12,265 --> 00:16:13,973
What?
367
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,059
It infuriates my mom
when my dad says it.
368
00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:19,688
- Sheldon, stop. You can't upset me.
- Why not?
369
00:16:19,689 --> 00:16:21,355
Because there are things in my life
370
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:24,246
that are way worse than anything
that you can come up with.
371
00:16:24,735 --> 00:16:27,362
- You mean your parents splitting up.
- Obviously.
372
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:30,616
I think I know how to irritate you.
373
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:33,346
I bet you think the divorce
is all your fault
374
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,520
and now your family is
torn apart forever.
375
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:38,749
Did I do it? Did I get under your skin?
376
00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:42,752
I can still hear the sound
of her fist hitting your face
377
00:16:42,753 --> 00:16:44,545
and your head bouncing off the floor.
378
00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:45,839
That is enough.
379
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,882
It was like, "thwack,"
and then "kerthunk."
380
00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:48,963
[Mary] I said enough!
381
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:51,625
[Missy] And there were donut holes.
382
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:52,930
What a great day.
383
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:05,024
[adult Sheldon] That night,
my brother turned a ratty old van
384
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,818
into his chariot of love.
385
00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:13,450
Romance was in the air.
386
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,080
- Hey!
- Hey, Mr. Boggs.
387
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:19,915
I'm just here to pick up Jana.
388
00:17:19,916 --> 00:17:23,459
You think you're taking
my daughter out in this?
389
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,320
No worries. I'll have her home by 11:00.
390
00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:28,306
- [scoffs]
- Oh...
391
00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:29,591
I wouldn't open that.
392
00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:31,726
Move.
393
00:17:40,506 --> 00:17:42,687
It's got a mini-fridge.
394
00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:43,738
[door closes]
395
00:17:43,739 --> 00:17:48,359
I've thought about what you said.
I'm returning the van. Good night!
396
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:51,279
[weatherman] This is the kind of weather
that makes you wanna stay home.
397
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,532
If you don't have to go out today,
don't.
398
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,121
[theme music playing]
399
00:17:59,171 --> 00:18:03,721
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