Original subtitles

Four and two.

There, that means you're gammoned,

at a cost of 64 doubled - that's 128.

It's a good job we're only playing for love.

If you'd been playing for money, you might have been less careless.

You mustn't leave so many of your pieces unguarded.

I know that perfectly well,

but in practice it is impossible to guard all one's vulnerable points at the same time.

Oh, why did Marie have to go back to Vienna?

You know she's got business there. She'll be back as soon as she can.

Would you like to hear a little gossip?

About Eustace?

Well, come on.

It looks as if she's warming up for a really big row about those diamonds.

I thought you said she'd gone back to her castle in Scotland.

So she did, and she's taken the diamonds with her

which makes it look all the more fishy, as Dolly Longstaffe would say,

as if she were getting ready for the siege.

Has she taken that dummy Fawn with her?

Oh, that must be Plantagenet. Excuse me, I'll explain later.

Nurse.

I'm a little dry.

And how was your journey, sir?

Oh, foggy, Collingwood, foggy.

Ah, my dear.

- How's the Duke? - He's much better,

since I got him down here to Matching.

I'm afraid I can only stay with you till Monday.

I have some telegrams coming from London. Let me have them as soon as they come.

- Of course, sir.

- The children are happy. - They're looking forward to seeing you.

There's a lot happening in London.

Had I known he was better, I wouldn't have come down.

To do with Mr Finn and Mr Monk, the Irish business?

- In large part, yes. - I do hope Mr Finn will come through.

My dear, if he rebels, he goes.

- Could you not dissuade him from rebellion? - I have tried and so has Mr Monk.

There must be something that you can do.

I'm very fond of Mr Finn.

Cora, we'll see.

I must go up to my uncle.

And so to a man born irish there can be no choice but one.

Irish tenant farmers are being grossly mistreated by their landlords,

many of whom are English.

What they plough back with such labour into their land

is being legally filched from under their very noses.

Rubbish, rubbish!

This... This is my conviction

and from it I must and will speak.

As some honorable members may be aware, it is not a happy thing for me

that I should hold this conviction and feel bound to act on it at this time.

But just causes do not always present themselves

with a nice regard to a man's convenience.

And this must be my cause.

Let the consequences be what they may.

Hear, hear.

'There is a pleasure in the paihl woods,

there is a rapture on the lonely shore.

There is society where none intrudes by the deep sea

and music in its roar.

'I love not man the less, but nature more,

from these our interviews in which I steal from all I may be

or have been before.

To mingle with the universe and feel what I can never express,

yet cannot all conceal.

Damned dull it is up here.

I wish I had a bit of company.

My cousin Frank, for instance.

- I could do with him here now. - Your Ladyship.

Oh.

My Lady.

'Roll on ye dark and deep blue ocean, roll.

Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain,

Man marks the earth with ruin.

Its control stops with the shore.'

- Yes? - It's this wee wire.

It be the telegram. Your man wants to ken if you've any answer.

A telegram?

Oh.

What can it be?

Oh.

Arriving Tuesday to discuss situation.

Dutiful salutations, Fawn.'

Dear God!

How delightful.

Gowran, this is from my future husband, Lord Fawn.

Have the turret room prepared for Tuesday.

Your future husband, you say.

Aye, well, I suppose it'll be proper, then.

You suppose what will be proper?

Having a man to stay under your own roof, and you a widow woman

that should still be dressed in black, weeds o' woe.

But if you're to be this wee lordie's lawful wedded wifey...

I certainly am to be this wee lordie's lawful wedded wifey, as you call it.

And I can assure you, Gowran, that his behaviour will be so proper

that even you couldn't fault it in a whole decade of Sabbaths.

Now go and give orders for the room.

No need to answer this.

Well, I suppose one's future husband will be company of a kind, but all the same...

I wish it were my cousin Frank.

'Roll on, ye dark and deep blue ocean, roll.

Ten thousand fleets weep over thee in vain.'

I know that you will never betray me in my trouble

and that you will come to marry me as you said.

But the days are going on, Phineas, and each day count with me now.

Please, my darling, leave London the first moment you possibly can,

even before the end...

Madame Max Goesler is here, sir. Can you see her?

Ah, Madame Max l...hardly expected this honor.

Mr Finn.

You are...embarassed, perhaps,

after our conversation of the other afternoon.

I think maybe I was a little abrupt.

And I, Mr Finn, was possibly a little overwhelming.

We neither of us had time, I think, to do ourselves justice.

Thank you.

And since, Mr Finn, I must return to Vienna very shortly now,

I am most anxious that all should be excused and explained between us

before I go.

Shall I speak first or shall you?

As you have come to me, I must allow you that privilege.

So be it, Mr Finn.

They say that you must resign your place here any second new.

They also say, and you have said it to me yourself,

that you will have no seat in the next Parliament.

- True, Madame Max. - You cannot do it, my friend.

By all means, resign your place and do your best for the Irish tenants

but you must remain in Parliament.

You must find a new seat for the next election.

You must fight it and you must win it

and you must come back here to your proper work.

Before long there will be another place for you.

There are always tasks for such as you.

I can't afford the money for another election

unless the seat be given to me, as was Brentford.

There are other seats which may be given.

Not to me, since I proved a rebel.

Then you must find the money to fight

Where?

Mr Finn.

I have offered it to you before now, have I not?

And I have refused it, have I not?

But why?

Out of sheer pride.

No, more than that.

It's because you're a woman

and young and beautiful.

No man may take wealth from your hands.

That's all there is to be said about that. Don't let's talk about it any more.

There is one more thing to be said, Mr Finn.

You say you will not take money from my hand.

No, Madame Max, I can't do it.

Then take the hand first, Phineas.

When the hand and all that it holds are your own,

you may receive from it without dishonour.

Take it, Phineas.

Make it your own.

And then you may take anything with it...

...and the rest of me has to offer.

I can't do it.

Why not, Phineas?

Your hand is so close to mine.

Why do you not take it?

I can't tell you.

God knows I am sensible of all you have to offer.

And yet you rejected it-.

I must.

But your hand was so close to mine.

You must go now.

Yes-

I must go back to Vienna,

Mr Finn.

♪ O, my love is like a red, red rose

♪ That's newly sprung in June

♪ O, my love is like a melody

♪ That's sweetly played in tune

♪ Sae fair thou an, my bonnie lad

♪ Sae deep in love am I

♪ And I will love thee still, my dear

♪ Till all the seas gang dry...

My dear Lizzie, I really must come to the object of my visit.

Since I saw you last, I have been with Mr Camperdown.

The man who sends me horrid letters about the diamonds?

Just so, the Eustace family lawyer,

and, as it happens, my own.

Frederick.

Don't tell me that you have come all this way up to Scotland just to talk about Mr Camperdown.

I do hope not.

But we must at any rate talk about him first.

Or rather we must talk about the diamonds.

Now...

Mr Camperdown is quite clear, those diamonds are a family heiridom.

They cannot be yours to keep.

They have been passed down the family through generations, along with other jewels,

and they belong with them in the bank.

But that is just it. Sir Florian gave them to me.

I remember the scene as if it were yesterday.

'My beloved wife,' he said,

'I know that I shall not be with you for much longer

and I would wish that you should have some one very special thing

by which you may remember me forever.'

'Take this necklace, my beloved.'

And with that he fastened it about my throat.

Well, whatever Sir Florian may have said, Lizzie,

those diamonds were not his to give.

So the husband that I adored was a liar?

He was very ill and he was mistaken.

And, in any case, those diamonds should be placed in safekeeping.

Oh, but they are in safekeeping, my keeping.

I have had a safe made for them and I carry them wherever I go.

Carry them wherever you go? Those diamonds are worth tens of thousands of pounds.

- Now, Mr Camperdown says... - Bother Mr Camperdown.

My late husband gave those diamonds to me and there is an end of it.

- And they're up here in Scotland with you now? - Of course.

Then they must be restored at once.

If you will trust them to me,

I will give them over to Mr Camperdown.

But why am I to surrender my own property?

To satisfy my honor.

Oh, my dearest girl, I cannot possibly allow that necklace to be brought into my house.

My dearest Frederick, no-one thought of taking it into your house.

What were you intending to do with it, my love?

Keep it in my own, my sweet.

It does not suit me to have my wife seen wearing jewels belonging to the Eustace family.

But I am not your wife, my Lord, not yet.

No.

Not yet

So you will not oblige me by giving up those jewels?

- I will not be robbed of what is my own. - Lady Eustace, they are not your own.

Well.

As to that, Lord Fawn,

we must agree to differ.

But please remember, if you continue to bully me like this,

if you ill-treat me any further and in any way,

I have friends who will protect me and who will secure my rights.

My cousin, Frank Greystock, for one.

He is a barrister and he knows all about the law and I am determined to seek his advice,

harassed as I am by these unjust demands for my own property.

Mr Finn.

Mr Kennedy.

You are aware that my wife has been taken abroad by Lord Brentford.

- I had heard something of the kind. - No doubt, as you were a party to the plot.

You have conspired to steal from me the wife of my bosom...

I have conspired nothing.

I merely tried to prevent violence as you well know.

You provoked violence, sir,

by standing in my way while I was about my lawful occasions.

You have heaped shame and abuse upon me.

I cannot remain in the Cabinet, or even in Parliament.

I cannot look my fellow men in the face.

- There can be no object in this discussion. - But still she is mine.

Though she can never give me back my honor, she must return to me.

- There's nothing I can do about that - You can obey God's law

and repent of your own sins against me.

- There have been none. - And help Laura repent of hers.

I am sorry you should be so troubled but...

You are a hypocrite, sir.

I have troubles of my own. Now, let me pass.

Hypocrite.

Hypocrite!

Son of Beelzebuth!

Defiler of God's law!

Hypocrite!

Well, Phineas?

Well, Finn, we're sorry to be losing you like this.

You may be quite sure that I am very sorry to be lost.

Well, these things occur in political life.

At least there's no rancour. That is, if the purpose was honorable.

I am sure you and Monk thought you were right.

I think we've given fairly strong evidence that we thought so.

And l have no doubt to say you were wrong.

Not over the question itself, but when men accept office, as you did,

and then resign simply because they cannot have their way over some particular,

the party is thereby weakened and split.

As we are now.

As I'm quite sure will be made abundantly clear at the next general election.

Yet the cause was just

and I can't really find it in me to blame you or Mr Monk for what you did.

- Phineas. - Barlingion.

Well, Finn, where shall you go?

- Back to Ireland, I suppose. - Back to being a barrister?

I never held a brief in my life.

I tried for politics instead, you see.

Yes-

Yes, I do see.

There.

That's progress.

Much better than that beastly bottle.

Oh, indeed, your Grace.

There.

Ah.

Oh.

Nurse.

You're very capable.

Despatch from London.

Plantagenet says that things are so hectic that he won't be back for some time.

And he also writes that Phineas Finn has resigned from the Colonies.

Do you mean to say that young man Finn held office in the Government?

Oh, yes, he was very well thought of.

Why did he resign?

Well, he took his own line over some Irish business and it didn't suit.

I see. Started fancying his chances and pushed himsetf a bit too hard, eh?

But listen to this, Duke. Dolly Longstaffe writes,

'Phinny's resignation was no surprise

but there's something rather odd about the way he's carrying on.'

'Although the session's not over yet...'

Oh.

'..He's gone galloping off to Ireland as if the devil himself were after him

and there's some story going round that he's gone to succour a maiden in distress,

if you get my meaning, Lady Glen.'

Just as you said, taken his own line about some Irish business.

Oh, shame on you, Duke.

Just as I said,

started fancying his chances and pushed himself a bit too hard, eh?

If you go on like that, you'll make yourself ill.

And you will not be allowed a glass of champagne this evening.

'I have been speaking with Mr Gresham and with others

and there's a strong opinion

that a permanent Government appointment might be acceptable to you.'

'There is a vacancy for an inspector of Irish poorhouses.'

'You would receive a salary, a salary of £1,000 a year.'

'Should the appointment suit you,

I shall be most happy to nominate you to the office.'

'I am, my dear Finn, most sincerely yours, Plantagenet Palliser.'

£1,000 a year.

How very generous of Mr Palliser.

It's not his money, you know, Mary.

It will come out of public funds.

Even I know that, but he found the post for you.

Yes, he certainly seems to have been active on my behalf.

- On our behalf, Phineas. - Hm?

Now that we are married.

This will make all the difference.

Now there'll be no more drudging for you in the courthouses.

No, just drudging in the poorhouses instead.

The money is certain, Phineas.

Oh, how happy I am.

Dear, good, kind Mr Palliser,

doing this for us.

Yes, indeed, just when he has so many troubles of his own.

I fear the Liberals will be defeated.

Mm.

My dear.

Oh, Marie. How was Vienna?

Oh, Vienna was very hot, very busy, and, for me at least, very lonely.

- But how is the dear Duke? - Much improved.

Sir Omicron Pie says that he may live forever, if he's kept quiet.

Two glasses of champagne a day, no brandy,

and a risque joke every hour or so to keep his mind off his condition.

My dear Lady Glen, do you know any risky jokes?

It's been my duty to learn some, and now it'll be yours.

But my best help in keeping him going has been this heaven-sent affair of Lizzie Eustace.

Ah. But we heard in Vienna that the election had gone against the Liberals

and that Mr Palliser is now out of power.

But Mr Palliser may be back at the Exchequer before very long.

You see, Mr Daubany and the Conservatives only got in by a very small majority.

Has there been any news of Phineas Finn?

Yes

Yes, he's gone to his exile in Ireland, alas

Mr Palliser has found him a post there administering to the poorhouses.

At least he's not reduced to living in one himself,

which is just as well, since he is now mmarried, it seems.

Married?

To whom?

A damsel in distress, according to Dolly Longslaffe.

Indeed.

Let's go to the Duke.

Of course.

He's looking forward to seeing you.

Nurse?

Would you come and arrange my pillows for me?

Oh, that's the third time in ten minutes, your Grace.

Well, you know how it is.

A man gets so fidgety in bed.

No, no, no, this side, nurse.

Oh.

Oh, your Grace!

Fidgety, indeed.

Some people might have a different word for it.

That will be all, thank you, nurse.

Thank you.

Really, Duke, I've told you before. This kind of thing will not do.

He has quite scandalised us, has he not, Marie?

Ah, but we will forgive him, Lady Glen,

because it is my first day back.

Oh, Marie.

Dear Duke, I am so glad you are better.

He won't be for long if he goes on like that

But Marie, I get so bored.

There's gratitude.

Anyway, now you have Marie all the way from Vienna just to be with you.

At this time of day, Marie, we usually have a little backgammon.

Or some delicious gossip.

Yes, the best thing going is still Lizzie Eustace and those diamonds.

You must bring me up to date.

Ask the Duke.

Surely Lady Eustace is married to Lord Fawn by now.

By no means.

Oh, but never mind Lie Eustace.

I want to talk about you.

Tell me about Vienna.

Frank.

I'm bringing you to her as I was bid, but...

I'm telling you, man,

it's not proper for her to admit you here.

Why on earth not?

A young cockerel like you, all happy and sleek,

and biding under the same roof as a fresh, flaunty widow

and her betrothed to another.

Oh, man, the devil's in it. Aye, the devil's in it.

- Don't talk rubbish. I'm her cousin. - Her cousin, are you?

- And her legal adviser. - Has she nae got her wee lordie to advise her?

She needs me too.

That'll do for now, my good fellow. I can find the rest of the way myself.

That'll be all, thank you.

Aye.

More coulhie than cousinly, I'm thinking.

'There is a pleasure in the pathless woods.

- There is a rapture on the lonely...' - Lizzie.

Frank!

- Is it really you? - Hm.

Oh, I have been oblivious of everything with my hills and my rocks and my waves

and now you are here to share them with me.

Lizzie, there's a damned canting Scott who calls himself your steward.

He'll be watching us.

Never mind him.

We have nothing to be ashamed of, have we?

Out here on the shores we are nature's children.

Oh, listen, Frank.

'There is a pleasure in the pathless woods.

There is a rapture on the lonely shore.

There is society where none intrudes by the deep sea, and music in its roar.

- I love not man the less...' - That will do for now, Lizzie.

Let's go inside, shall we? We've got some serious matters to talk about.

What could be more serious than poetry?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Not even those diamonds.

Oh, you have been into that for me, have you, as I asked?

Hm.

Then what about it, Frank?

Come inside, Lizzie.

Find me some whiskey and I'll tell you.

The truth is, Lizzie, you've no more right to hang onto those diamonds than I have.

Oh, Frank!

Now, don't you start being unkind.

I've been sitting up here all alone in Scotland

thinking surely my cousin Frank will bring me comfort.

Lizzie, I'm not only your cousin but also your legal adviser.

I'm speaking now as both.

I must tell you, you haven't a leg to stand on.

Now, then, Lizzie, Fawn says you keep them here in a special safe.

- They go everywhere I go. - Then they'd better go back to Mr Camperdown.

If they don't, Lord Fawn's going to be off.

He told you to tell me that?

Well, not in so many words, but he went on about his family honor for two hours flat.

By the end of it his meaning was plain enough -

You give those sparklers back where they belong

or you'll have proved yoursetf unfit to grace Fawn Court.

Frank, I was given those diamonds by my late husband in person

and I intend to keep them.

Moreover, I was promised Lord Fawn's hand in marliage by Lord Fawn himself in person

and I intend to keep him too.

Do you really want him, Lizzie?

Well...

Let's say that I don't want to be jitted by him.

Far better to be jitted by him than married to him.

Lord Fawn is as pigheaded as a boar in the forest

and he's got a mother and seven sisters who'd make mince of you in a week.

Eight. There's a married one who's the worst of the lot.

But I should be Lady Fawn and I'd soon put them in their kennels.

I daresay you would.

But what's the point, Lizzie? What would Lady Fawn have that Lady Eustace hasn't got?

A coronet.

Come and sit down, Frank.

And yet, Frank, there's something that I would sooner have than any ooronet.

And what might that be, Lizzie?

A true knight, Frank, is better than any lord.

I'm still hoping that my knight will come riding by one day,

that he will rein in his horse, raise his visor,

and guess whose face I hope to see?

Lizzie.

You know very well how it is with me.

You know that Lucy Morris and I...

that Lucy and I have an understanding.

Lucy Morris understands nothing.

She's just a silly little mouse who squeaks and clings.

But you, Frank, you're a rising barrister.

You got into Parliament at the last election.

What can Lucy Morris have to offer Frank Greystock?

Now, Lizzie Eustace has a lot to offer.

She has a castle to give to her knight on the day that he swears to be true.

- She's got a... - Back to business, Lizzie.

- Now, Mr Camperdown. - Surely Frank Greystock is a match for him.

Mr Camperdown is going to get counsel's opinion about those diamonds.

And if counsel come down on his side...

- Suppose it comes down on my side? - We'll think about that if it happens.

If counsel says the family ought to have its jewels back

- My jewels. - ..then you've got to give them back, Lizzie.

If you don't, Mr Camperdown's going to go to court and get an order for their return.

And if l still keep them,

as my darling Florian bade me to before he...

Then a bailiff is going to break down your castle door

and haul off you and the diamonds both.

So, better get ready to part with them, Lizzie.

Anything your darling Florian may have said don't in the least signify now.

That's because he's dead.

And I haven't got anybody to protect me.

Oh, Frank.

Frank, you will be my champion, please.

I'll... I'll represent you, Lizzie,

but on one absolute condition.

How handsome you are when you're stern.

When I get back from London next week,

having heard counsel's opinion,

you will promise to do exactly as I say.

Oh, Frank, I knew you wouldn't let them wrong me.

My noble cousin.

Oh, my true knight

Mary, do you think the coffee might be made a little stronger, please?

The doctor says I wasn't to have it too strong, Phineas.

It might be bad for the baby.

Oh, of course. Yes.

Did the doctor say when exactly the baby might arrive?

No-one ever knows exactly,

but I have everything arranged for when the time comes.

If you are at work, the girl will run for the midwife and then for the doctor

and then go and fetch you.

I shall want you to be near, Phineas.

Oh, how lovely it will be to have our own child.

Do you not look forward to it?

Of course l do.

And...you don't look back?

You don't regret all you had to give up for me and the baby?

What I gave up, Mary, was about to give me up.

After the election, I wouldn't have had any seat,

unless...

Unless what?

Unless a miracle had happened, Mary.

Having you is miracle enough for me.

Frank?

Lizzie?

Frank!

Welcome back to Portray.

You may not say so when you've heard my news.

Oh, I do so love it when you're masterful.

Then sit down and listen.

In learned counsel's opinion,

you might have a claim to those diamonds as a widow's paraphernalia.

Paraphernalia?

Blessed word!

So the necklace is really mine, Frank, legally mine?

Just possibly.

But for the time being, Lizzie, you've got to hand it over.

Never.

Anyway. Why?

Mr Camperdon's going to file a bill for their recovery.

It will look better if you deposit them with the court pending a decision.

- But that may take months. - You must deposit them with the court.

They're no use to you up here.

I like having my property where I can lay my hands on it.

If those old men get hold of my necklace, they'll talk till doomsday

and they'll never give it back, I just know it.

Then you'd better know this.

If you hang on to that necklace a day longer, you'll have seen the last of Lord Fawn.

Oh, bother Lord Fawn.

You know who I really want, Frank.

I'm damned if l do.

You've changed so much, Lizzie, you don't even know yourself.

But you can't have forgotten all that was said, Frank,

in this very room

and on that very sofa just a few days ago.

Oh, Frank, I can do so much for you.

Now that you're a Member of Parliament, it'll be such a help to you if you have...

my money to call on.

Lizzie, I have something to tell you.

Yes, I know, and I to tell you, but it doesn't need saying in words.

- Oh, y, it does. - Oh, no, no, no.

While I was in London, I became engaged to marry Lucy Morris.

Engaged to marry Lucy Morris?

While I still have the strength to be true to her.

True to that wizened little thing?

That prim morsel of feminine propriety.

- You may as well marry a towel rack. - I will not hear Lucy abused.

In the circumstances, I think I should leave here at once.

- You've only just come. - Lucy might be upset if l stay with you.

Lucy be damned!

Frank. Oh, Frank.

Lucy can surely understand that you are my cousin and my legal adviser.

Besides, we shan't be alone for very long.

I've got some visitors coming in a day or two.

They're some friends that I made while I was in London.

I think they will amuse you.

Frank.

Do you ever wish you'd snapped him up after all?

The Duke?

No.

And yet I think you loved him.

I appreciate him,

always will.

Oh.

Yes, he'll be waking from his sleep new. We must go up to him.

Oh.

You are looking tired, my dear.

Yes. Yes, I am.

Still, it's always a help when you are here.

You must make sure he doesn't get excited.

Yes. Tell me,

has he lost his heart to that pretty little nurse yet?

Well, I'm afraid in the end, Marie, I have had to take steps about her.

What steps?

You will see. You will see.

Take it away.

- Come along, your Grace. - It's poisonous stuff.

You're all the better for it.

Oh.

Oh, for Gods sake, stop fiddling about, woman.

Thank you, that'll do, nurse.

- Ah, Marie. - Your Grace.

- How's your Grace slept this afternoon? - Well enough.

I don't seem to do anything but sleep nowadays.

Oh, days are drawing out.

What will it be like in Vienna now? You'd still be there but for me.

Oh, I am most happy to be here.

In Vienna the autumn is always rather overdone,

almost vulgar, one might say,

but here the colours are much gentler, much warmer,

much more beautiful.

They're damned dull when they're all a man has to look at.

Oh, come, come, your Grace has got Marie and me to look at.

And now you've got Plantagenet too.

What? I say, you're back early. You weren't supposed to be here until tomorrow.

Now that we're out of office, there's less to keep me away.

Well, what's the news from London?

The Conservative Chancellor of the Exchequer has taken an interest in the ten penny shilling.

- As I consider this an all-party matter... - Oh, bother the ten penny shilling.

What about the little widow?

Widow?

You know, Lizzie Eustace and the diamonds.

Oh, yes, I believe I did hear something in Brook's.

Well, out with it.

Would it be that the case started today?

Oh? Today, did it?

I wish she was standing here now with those diamonds round her pretty little neck.

It's a pleasure to think of her, and I tell you what, Glenoora,

thinking of her makes me think of orange Curacao.

I feel just like a glass of it, take the taste of that beastly medicine out of my mouth.

Nurse? Nurse!

Nurse, go to the butle's pantry

and get me a glass of orange Curacao.

Your Grace, is this wise?

You remember what the doctor said?

Only wine, two glasses a day.

Thin wine rubbish like cat's piddle.

I want a glass of orange Curagao.

I don't think it would be prudent to ignore Sir Omicron Pie's advice.

Sir Omicron Pie be hanged for a canting old jackal.

I want a glass of orange Curacao.

But you've behaved so beautifully up to now.

- Don't go and spoil it. - Spoil what?

Spoil my chances of spending an extra two months rotting away in this bedroom?

I am the Duke of Omnium and Gatherum

and I command you to get me a glass of orange Curagao.

You're all mean, that's what

If little Lizzie Eustace was here, she wouldn't be mean.

She'd get me a glass of orange Curacao and anything else that I liked.

And she'd sit on my knee, as pretty as print, while I drank it,

which is more than any of you would do.

I'm a poor old man.

All I want is a little love

and a glass of orange Curagao!

Very well, nurse, fetch his Grace a glass of orange Curagao.

My dear, is this altogether wise?

What harm can it do? It's better that he should die of drink than a tantrum.

So much more dignified.

Oh, my dear friends, welcome to Portray.

Mrs Carbuncle, I'm so glad to see you.

Dearest, what a hideous journey.

We had to change twice between here and Carlisle.

- Dear Lady Eustace. - Mr Emilius.

So you've abandoned your flock in London to convert the heathen of Portray.

God hears his lambs in Mayfair.

Lord George de Bruce Carrulhers.

Lady Eustace.

My cousin, Frank Greystock, Member of Parliament fur Bobsbomugh.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

You Government fellows should shake these railway companies

until they run the thing efficiently.

I doubt they'd listen to me.

Torries won't listen to anyone finding fault with proprietors.

But the railways should be run in the public interest.

A democrat, Lord George?

A demagogue.

All he needs is a smooth tongue, like Mr Emilius here,

and he'd have the masses at our throats in no time.

Not at your pretty throat, my dear.

Nor at Lady Eustace's.

At least you have owned to a virtue, my Lord - chivalry to the ladies.

Oh, chivalrous, am I?

And what do you say to that, Jane?

Well, to put it as politely as I can, I'd say you were a bohemian.

Oh, how glorious that sounds.

What does it mean?

Perhaps you will instruct me, Lord George.

I will instruct you, my dear, but not on an empty stomach.

- What time is dinner? - Oh, as soon as you've all changed.

Food and drink is what I live for these days, my dear.

So much more satisfactory than lovers.

An empty plate don't hang about quarrelling all night long.

It's just taken away by a footman.

Ah, but remember, Mrs Carbuncle, that gluttony is as heinous a sin as concupiscence.

And just as expensive, but at least it don't look so ridiculous while it's going on.

Thank you.

Indigestion? Orange Curaqao.

I don't wish to be unkind, Duke, but you were warned.

It was Lizzie Eustace's fault.

She made me think of it.

Yes, well, Lizzie too, there is a resemblance.

She too tastes of oranges whilst being as treacherous as gin.

Never mind. It was worth it.

One sip of orange Curagao called up such sights and scenes you wouldn't dream of.

I should hope not indeed. Our dreams are made of finer stuff.

- They do not depend upon orange Curagao. - And nor must yours for the future, Duke.

Ah.

Ah, here we are, my dear.

And I hope we can go in at once.

As soon as Mr Emilius and my cousin are down.

Why is it that custom forbids even a glass of sherry before dinner?

It would be such a help while one was waiting.

If I know you, my dear, you had all the help you needed while you were dressing.

Oh, here is Frank now.

Oh, excuse me.

You must not show me up before the little widow, George.

You as good as told her I've got a bottle in my bedroom.

- So you have, three of them. - Don't take such a knowing tone with me.

- I don't want her to think that I'm loose. - She's loose enough herself not to mind.

I want her positively to respect me, trust me, George, as if l were her elder sister.

I see-

And then you'll move in here as if it were your own house.

No, I don't say that

This is much too far from London.

But with all this money, she's bound to have her uses.

I should watch out for that cousin of hers.

I don't think he'll take kindly to any of your plans for little Lizzie.

Or any of yours.

It's no good, Lizzie, these aren't my kind of people.

Frank.

What's wrong with them? You hardly know them.

I know the type pretty well enough.

They're predators, Lizzie, they have very sharp teeth.

At least they smile when they show them. Take that dismal look off your face.

They're here whether you like it or not and I expect you to be pleasant to them.

Ah, Mr Emilius.

- Dinner, everybody. - Thank God for that I hope there's plenty of it.

And afterwards Mr Emilius must treat us to his pulpit oratory.

Frank. Londoners have heard nothing comparable to him since Mrs Siddons

and going to church is now more thrilling than theatre.

That's better.

A very...fair dinner, my dear.

My poor dead husband loved the music of the pipes.

We used to listen to them every evening after dinner for an hour.

And you carry on the tradition?

Oh, of course. I treasure every memory of Florian.

It must be a great consolation to have been truly loved.

And a man must love his wife to give her diamonds.

Ah, yes, you must tell us about those diamonds.

What about them, Mrs Carbuncle?

Are they really up here in Scotland

while all those lawyers are arguing their wigs off about them in London?

Well, why should they not be up here?

My darling put them round my neck with his own hands and told me they were to be mine forever.

I know I shouldn't give 'em back.

Oh, I don't mean to.

I should sell them.

The case is sub judice, Mrs Carbuncle. I suggest we drop the subject.

Why would you sell them?

Because there are so many accidents, my dear.

Diamonds are very nice,

nothing is so nice

but a woman must be rich indeed to afford to walk about with a fortune round her neck.

Besides, if they were sold so that some got to Paris

and others to Petersburg and others to New York,

they'd have to give it up, then - all this in the courts, I mean.

There wouldn't be a necklace to recover.

They would come on Lady Eustace for money.

And how much is the money, my Lady? What are they worth?

- I know what, I'll give you all a chance to guess. - Lizzie.

Don't be so prim, Frank.

Douglas, tell Crabstick to bring down the safe.

Ah, so at least you've got a safe.

Oh, the dearest little safe. My darling had it specially made for me to carry them about in.

A very thoughtful gentleman, Sir Florian.

And very generous.

If they were his to give away.

Although he is dead and gone, the reality of him will live forever.

I can see him now in all his manly beauty.

Thank you, Crabsticzk, put it there.

This is the only key.

'Then take care, my dear, not to lose it.

Come on, all of you, guess.

Lord George,

if you would be so kind.

How much do you think they are worth,

these diamonds that were given me for love?