Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,046
My god, thank god you're awake.
2
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,774
I'm so tired but I didn't want
to go to sleep till you woke up.
3
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:08,342
Were you up all night again?
Yes.
4
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:11,011
Jet lag's insane! But I love it.
5
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:14,264
Last night, I saw a crazy dog,
it's a long story.
6
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,766
Actually, that's pretty much it.
7
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,601
How was yesterday? It was fine.
8
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,187
I had pizza, Leslie's crazy...
9
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:21,939
You should get ready for work.
10
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:23,607
Andy?
11
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,108
Andy!
12
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:29,696
Andy got back from London two
days ago, and he still hasjet lag.
13
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:32,741
It's really annoying. We're
on totally different schedules.
14
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:35,410
Last night, he mowed the lawn
at 2:00 in the morning.
15
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,955
Andy! Andy!
16
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,748
Get me a beer? All right.
17
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,709
As soon as I wake up,
he goes down, hard.
18
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,170
This has to stop.
19
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,589
Babe, wake up.
20
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,925
That's my spaghetti, Chewbacca.
21
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,009
Babe!
22
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:53,053
Wake up! Wake up!
23
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:54,137
Wake up!
24
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:55,264
My god, babe!
25
00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,351
You hungry, champion?
26
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,980
Oh, my god, are you kidding me?
27
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,028
Oh, man, I fell asleep again?
28
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:13,115
Andy, you have got to stay up
and get on a regular schedule!
29
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:16,493
Were you about to spray me
with the hose inside the house?
30
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,036
Yeah.
31
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,389
I kind of want you to do it now.
32
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,581
Okay.
33
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:26,044
Okay, okay, okay.
34
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:54,906
Okay, just a reminder, guys, today
is Leslie's last day as a city councilor,
35
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:56,742
so everyone be extra supportive.
36
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:57,993
Already done.
37
00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:01,872
When she walked past me this
morning, I gave her a kind nod.
38
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,916
Heartwarming. Also, I
want to get her a present
39
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,460
to cheer her up on her last day.
40
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:07,544
Any ideas?
41
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,671
A "sorry you lost
your dream job" gift?
42
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:10,922
Um, that's a tough one.
43
00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:13,258
Stay away from wine.
Wine is crying juice.
44
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,260
You know,
she really likes waffles.
45
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:18,388
You should get her a 12-foot
cobra and name it waffles.
46
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,241
Well, I mean, you know her
better than anybody.
47
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:21,433
What does she really want
48
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,018
more than anything in the world?
49
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:25,687
A nice candle! I'm screwed.
50
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,023
Andy, no! No!
51
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,983
Oh, my god. Andy!
52
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,568
I'll be right out.
53
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:35,322
Well, this is the
Pawnee city council chambers.
54
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,366
Your new home away from home.
55
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,677
Well, technically, my home
away from home is in Zurich.
56
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:42,412
Frank gehry designed it.
But this is nice, too.
57
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:45,582
Today is my last day
as city... excuse me.
58
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,187
Let me try this again.
Today is my last day as...
59
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,796
Today is my last...
60
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,298
Today is my last day... you
know what, you get the idea.
61
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,842
My old friend Ingrid de
forest won the recall vote,
62
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,570
and she's taking my place
on Monday morning.
63
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,097
But you know, luckily for me,
I've processed all my feelings
64
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,265
and I've gone through
the five stages of grief,
65
00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:06,269
denial, anger, Internet commenting,
cat adoption, African dance,
66
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,730
cat-returning-to-
the-adoption-place,
67
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:12,109
watching all the episodes of Murphy
brown and not giving a flying fart.
68
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,444
How many stages is that?
69
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,738
I don't know. The
point is I'm fine now.
70
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,752
You should know about
the other councilmen.
71
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:20,701
Councilman howser is reasonable.
72
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,953
Councilman Milton is a
106-year-old racist
73
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:26,456
but if you give him a sleeve of
saltines, he'll be putty in your hands.
74
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:30,001
Councilman jamm is a
corrupt dentist with terrible hair.
75
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,671
And watch your back
around councilman dexhart.
76
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:33,922
Why? Is he very sneaky?
77
00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,925
No, I mean literally. He takes
pictures of women's lower backs
78
00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:38,009
and puts them on Twitter.
79
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,094
He's a perv.
80
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,930
This must be hard for you.
81
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,653
It's like what sir Ian
mckellen said to me
82
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,767
the day I sold my boat
to Karl lagerfeld.
83
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,061
"Parting is such sweet sorrow."
84
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,397
Oh, my god. What is your life?
85
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,650
If it makes any difference, your
work here was a real inspiration to me,
86
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:57,195
and I am going to do my
best to continue your legacy.
87
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,197
Well, I appreciate
the sentiment.
88
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,705
Leshe? I'm sorry.
89
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:09,249
Was I singing goodbye
yellow brick road out loud?
90
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,376
No.but would you like to?
91
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:14,296
I studied opera at the sorbonne.
I'd be happy to harmonize.
92
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,549
J“ goodbye... j“ goodbye... j“
93
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,134
nah. No.
94
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:21,261
And finally,
95
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,846
here is a check for the entirety
96
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,639
of the purchase of rent-a-swag.
97
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:28,268
And here is a personal note
from my client, Dr. Saperstein.
98
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:31,354
"Dear Tom, iwin. You
suck. Turn note over.
99
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,399
"You still suck.
Turn note over."
100
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,485
Okay, saperstein couldn't
even face me himself?
101
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:37,778
He had to send in his lackey.
102
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,339
My client isn't at this meeting
because he doesn't have to be.
103
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,698
Successful people,
Mr. Haverford,
104
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,742
use their money to get
others to work for them.
105
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,453
Mmm, that's an interesting
idea, lawyer dude.
106
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,336
What if I give you five bucks to put
a bag of poop in saperstein's car?
107
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,065
Ballpark me,
how much would it cost?
108
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,169
$10,000.
109
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,380
Counteroffer, why don't
you just do it for the story?
110
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,965
Goodbye, Mr. Haverford.
111
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,468
Dr. Saperstein: Is it done?
112
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,179
Well, how many times
did he turn the paper over?
113
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,599
Oh, that is disappointing.
114
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,435
So, look at this baby.
115
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,313
That is the most symmetrical
fetus I've ever seen.
116
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,774
This could be a superhero.
117
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,234
Dr. Saperstein. Yes.
118
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:18,735
I know that we should hate you
119
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,338
because you destroyed
our friend's business,
120
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,197
but we love you so much.
We love you.
121
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:23,448
I'm lovable.
122
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,408
So, do you want to know the sex?
123
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,244
Oh, my god... should we?
124
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,454
No, right? Or maybe yes?
125
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,098
Is there an option
other than yes or no?
126
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,738
I'll tell you what I'm gonna
do. I'm gonna write it down.
127
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,127
Then I'm going to put it
in an envelope, seal it,
128
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,046
and when you're ready, voila.
129
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,714
That'll be fun.
130
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,299
It's like the oscars.
131
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,969
Let's get some food.
I'm starving.
132
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,428
Wait, no, I have to pee.
133
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:46,972
Wait, no, I have to barf.
134
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,390
Actually, all three.
135
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:49,683
Being pregnant is great.
136
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:53,019
And finally, Larry's
share of the profit.
137
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,981
Vvhoa!$72_.
138
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,733
That is the exact amount
of my gas bill.
139
00:05:58,817 --> 00:05:59,943
Good to be Larry.
140
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,528
No, it's not,
you boring grandpa.
141
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:04,948
Meanwhile, Tommy's
riding high, $32,000.
142
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,575
I'm basically a millionaire.
143
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,177
What are you going to do
with the money, Tom?
144
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,037
Glad you asked. A horrible man
recently gave me some great advice.
145
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,540
For years, I've been
coming up with my own ideas
146
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,250
like some sort
of non-rich idiot.
147
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,377
Now, I'm going to
let people come to me
148
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,379
and invest my scrilla
in the best idea I hear.
149
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,173
That sounds like an efficient
use of the free market.
150
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,050
I would wish you
the best of luck,
151
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:25,969
butlbeheve luck is a concept
152
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,430
invented by the weak to
explain their failures.
153
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,002
Come hear the ideas
with me, Ron.
154
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,933
I could use your wise,
grandfatherly advice.
155
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,102
Do you think everyone here
is a grandfather?
156
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:36,163
Basically, ifyou're older
than me, you're a grandpa.
157
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,815
And if you are a grandpa,
you're dead. That sounds right.
158
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,942
Uh, oops! This check is
made out to "Lenny,"
159
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,028
which I think is
a typo for "Larry,"
160
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,422
which isn't even
actually my name.
161
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,197
Well, tell
it to the bank, Lenny.
162
00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,658
Am I... am I Lenny now?
163
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,620
I'd like to order
a singing telegram.
164
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,498
Well, my wife lost herjob, so
maybe something sad and slow?
165
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:58,335
Do you know anything from the
requiem for a dream soundtrack?
166
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,712
This is a bad idea.
I'm hanging up now, bye.
167
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,719
Leslie: Well, Ingrid is
settled into my office,
168
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,477
and this box contains
the last of my stuff.
169
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,694
Although, I might have left
some salt packets in my desk.
170
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:07,998
Maybe I should
go back for those?
171
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,973
Honey, it's okay. There'll
be other salt packets.
172
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,265
But not the kind that
snaps in half, maybe.
173
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,142
Okay, I know
I'm a broken record,
174
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:16,311
but getting away
from the city council
175
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,980
is absolutely the best thing
for you. Trust me.
176
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,232
After I was impeached
as mayor of partridge,
177
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,152
I came back from college
and ran in the next election.
178
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:28,615
Now, my opponent's campaign
slogan was, "Ben Wyatt. Blah!"
179
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,660
He won by 60 points.
180
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,596
I don't know what I'm
gonna do with myself.
181
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,914
Whatever you do,
you'll be great.
182
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:42,212
This is perd hap/ey, talking to you
now about what's going on, today.
183
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:45,298
We 're live at city hall,
where city councilman dexhart
184
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,884
is addressing
his latest sex scandal.
185
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,303
Recently, certain allegations
have come to light
186
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,472
about my inappropriate conduct
187
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,058
I am here to set
the record straight.
188
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,645
I totally did all of it.
189
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,606
Another sex scandal?
This guy is unbelievable.
190
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,024
How does he find the time?
191
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,776
After my last imbroglio,
192
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:08,530
I learned that I am a sex
and love addict.
193
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,741
And in rehab,
I met other people like me.
194
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,743
Other people struggling.
195
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,913
I had sex with most
of those people.
196
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,624
I also engaged in
inappropriate texting,
197
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,919
"sexting," and "Tex-mexting,"
198
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:25,672
which is where you send
photos of your junk
199
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,008
from the restroom
of a chili's to go.
200
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,134
Hmm. Ew.
201
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,344
Does this make me a "bad boy"?
202
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,805
You tell me.
203
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,890
No, really, tell me.
204
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,642
It gets me off when
women tell me that.
205
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,978
He's reading this.
He wrote this down.
206
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,772
I sent these texts
to roughly 100 women,
207
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,190
under the following pseudonyms,
208
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,860
"Enrique shockwave,"
209
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,695
"Willie dynamite,"
210
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,947
"Lee Harvey teabag."
211
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,474
Well, at least you won't have
to deal with that guy anymore.
212
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:58,121
You're right. Not after someone
beats him in the next election.
213
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,582
Someone who is
smart and hard-working
214
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,917
and who knows the job
because she's done it already
215
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,712
and is also blonde and
named Leslie and loves you!
216
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:07,589
Isityou?
217
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,966
Yes, it is.
I'm going to run again.
218
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,217
I'm going to beat dexhart!
219
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,844
And "Anthony weiner."
220
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:17,223
Another city council campaign?
Leslie, think about what you're saying.
221
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,976
I did. I challenge you to
find one flaw in my plan.
222
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,312
Well, for one, we don't
even live in dexhart's district.
223
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,730
Not yet,
224
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,607
but we can go and
rent a second apartment,
225
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,525
and we can spend 51 %
of our time there,
226
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:30,361
and then I'll file the campaign
form from that address.
227
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,198
I don't want to spend 51%
of our time in his district.
228
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,867
It's basically a dumping ground
for old shipping containers.
229
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,243
It's like a raccoon shanty town.
230
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,620
Oh, it's not that bad.
231
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,872
And also, dexhart fights dirty.
232
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:44,876
He's never lost an election because he
runs brutal, scorched earth campaigns.
233
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,377
So what? I've got plenty of dirt
234
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:47,941
on that scumbag.
I say, "bring it on."
235
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,924
So, I'm going to start my negative
PR blitz against dexhart and...
236
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:54,677
Look, I just think we
need to take a deep breath,
237
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,281
think about if
this is really worth it.
238
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,890
Anything is worth me
getting back on city council.
239
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:05,647
Okay, let's see which one of these
lucky visionaries is gonna make me rich.
240
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,148
Greg Phillips?
241
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,126
Hi, guys. Thanks
for meeting with me.
242
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,710
Enough chitchat.
What's your pitch, kid?
243
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,529
Come on, time is money,
money is power,
244
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,823
power is pizza, pizza
is knowledge, let's go.
245
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:19,410
Okay, so, my idea is for an
abacus, but on your phone.
246
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,788
I call it a "phone-bacus."
247
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,916
Son, you just
described a calculator.
248
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,168
But you're talking
about it, right?
249
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:30,880
Three words,
"automated word counter."
250
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,590
Get out.
251
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:33,800
Automated voice: Two words.
252
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,010
One word.
253
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,888
I'm Harris. And I'm Brett.
254
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,014
And this is...
255
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,558
Both: The dirt machine!
256
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,976
Both: We said it
at the same time!
257
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,727
Both: We said that
at the same time!
258
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:52,152
As you may know, I do like to
tinker with things in my garage.
259
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,404
I'm gonna hit the can
while he's up.
260
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,739
So, I think I have
discovered a way
261
00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:00,076
to generate clean,
renewable energy.
262
00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:02,453
I think it's going to...
263
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:07,000
Ugh! Gross! God, Larry,
you sneezed all over us!
264
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,185
I'm not going to buy that thing.
265
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:09,687
It's covered in
a gallon of your boogers!
266
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:10,962
Larry: I totally understand.
267
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:16,759
Ah, jeez!
268
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,305
I would be thrilled
if we have a girl.
269
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:24,350
Aw, tiny dresses, braids,
glitter on everything? Forget it.
270
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,144
And also girls' names
are so cute.
271
00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:28,438
Daisy, Annabelle, Lilly...
272
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,482
Olive, Rosemary, chicken.
273
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,359
Fifty burritos.
Oh, my god, I'm starving.
274
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:36,196
Miss, hi, I'm pregnant,
and I'm a little bit crazy,
275
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,799
so if you don't bring our appetizers
out in the next 30 seconds,
276
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,034
I'm going to plunge your
face into the deep fryer.
277
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,579
And also two waters,
please, but no hurry.
278
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,289
Thank you.
279
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,739
Leslie, I don't know if
there's a story in these emails.
280
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,836
They're iffy, but dexhart has
already admitted to way worse stuff.
281
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,063
Well, there's more where
that came from.
282
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:55,340
I have some stories on him
that are so nasty
283
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:58,134
they seem like they're ripped
from a Jackie Collins novel.
284
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,261
Dexhart has been
elected eight times.
285
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,305
I don't think the voters care.
286
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,408
His poll numbers are actually
up since the scandal broke.
287
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,659
Well, that's just because people
288
00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,352
found out he was
Miley Cyrus' cousin.
289
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:09,687
He is? Well, that's a story
the journal can run with.
290
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:12,565
Morning, Leslie. Sweet jugs.
291
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,445
What? He's kinda cute.
292
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,239
Oh, god, shauna, no.
293
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,544
I just feel like I could
fix him, you know?
294
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,579
This sucks! We heard 100
pitches and they're all terrible.
295
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,081
Change of plans.
296
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,291
You guys are my
idea factory. April, go!
297
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,211
Okay, I got one.
"Macaroni and poison,"
298
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,797
it's like Mac and cheese,
but with a special ingredient.
299
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:36,881
Ron?
300
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,245
Every socket set
I've ever bought
301
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:39,884
only goes up to half inch.
302
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,761
I'd love a couple larger sizes,
303
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,264
take it all the way
up to five-eighths.
304
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,057
Andy?
305
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:48,434
Bears bouncing on
trampoline roads.
306
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,689
There's a chance that I
might have dreamed that.
307
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,109
I did once have an idea for
an ax, but bigger.
308
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,736
I called it, "large ax."
309
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,181
You know how people
bottled water?
310
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:03,032
What if you bottled
other things to drink?
311
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,284
Bottled drinks.
312
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,869
That already exists.
Think big guys, come on.
313
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,997
Okay, time to head
back to the office.
314
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,915
I've missed
an entire day of work,
315
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,917
so at least some good
came from this.
316
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,087
Ben: What are you doing?
317
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,524
Well, they couldn't make a banner
in time for my press conference,
318
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,217
so I am cobbling
together a banner
319
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,844
from all the other
discarded banners.
320
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,681
"Second chunce four lesle
321
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:31,269
"perv dexxxhrt
equals birthday mouse?"
322
00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:32,854
Rat.
323
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,498
Well, that's the closest
thing I could get to a rat.
324
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,482
Leslie, listen to yourself,
325
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:40,069
loopholes, scorched earth
policies... this isn't you.
326
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,447
I cannot believe you aren't
supporting me on this.
327
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:45,408
Dexhart has a sex scandal
the same day I'm leaving office?
328
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:48,202
That is not a coincidence,
this was meant to be.
329
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,164
You know what? Why don't
we gather everyone in here,
330
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:54,500
you explain to them what you're
thinking, and we get some feedback.
331
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,061
Now you're talking!
332
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,087
'Cause this is,
like the banner says,
333
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,714
"my second chunce."
334
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,859
And when I look at it again,
I realize I can take
335
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,010
that birthday hat and
turn it into a dunce cap.
336
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,095
Hilarious. This is my destiny.
337
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,806
I would be thrilled
if we had a boy.
338
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,726
I have perfected the art
of shaving the human face,
339
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,529
and I would love to be
able to pass that on.
340
00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,813
Toy trucks, superhero costumes,
341
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:18,024
tiny little acorn penis...
Forget it.
342
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,277
A weird image, but one that
does not diminish my enthusiasm.
343
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:25,114
Well, Ann Perkins, are you ready
to find out the sex of our baby?
344
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,075
I'm ready.
345
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,826
We are having a...
346
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,204
"Distributions."
347
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,390
That's what it looks like.
"Distributions."
348
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:34,999
Let me see that.
349
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,043
It says "congratulations."
I think.
350
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:40,171
Then it says, "I leg smurf."
351
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,464
Are we having a smurf?
352
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,717
We are having
an "eleven-Jewel toilet."
353
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,053
I can't tell what's words
and what's punctuation.
354
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,262
The suspense is killing me!
355
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,426
I'm calling Dr. Saperstein!
356
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,099
I'm calling domino's.
357
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,452
Do you think domino's delivers
to this restaurant? I hope so.
358
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,353
Oh, no. He's out for
the rest of the day.
359
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:59,482
I have literally never
been more stressed out.
360
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,111
Chris, don't do it.
361
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:04,612
Honey, no!
362
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,572
Honey, no!
363
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,574
I ate a carb.
364
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,512
Good, you guys are here.
Okay, everybody, gather around.
365
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,496
I have a big announcement.
I am officially
366
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,290
seeking re-election
to the Pawnee city council.
367
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:20,545
I am going to be running for dexhart's
seat, and the campaign starts now!
368
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:27,009
Oh, I love the sound of
silence before a big cheer.
369
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,511
That's what's happening, right?
370
00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:30,346
Who wants to hug
me first, Donna?
371
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,058
Leslie, you were just recalled.
372
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,935
This seems a little desperate.
373
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,146
What? Desperate
people don't get elected.
374
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,440
Does this look like the work
of a desperate woman?
375
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:43,568
"Pleez vote four me,
menorah, bowling ball."
376
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,112
No. Because I am on fire
and on a roll.
377
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,447
This is symbolism, guys.
378
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,031
Leslie, no offense,
379
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,701
I've heard a lot of bad
ideas today, this is the worst.
380
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,578
April? I would love it
381
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:56,956
if you ran an insane campaign
and basically turned into the joker.
382
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,435
But that means you
probably shouldn't do it.
383
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,460
Andy?
384
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:01,983
I don't know, Leslie.
It seems risky,
385
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,505
and I'd hate to see you go
through another tough fight.
386
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,669
But I could be wrong, I
haven't pooped in three days.
387
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:09,302
Okay. Ron, you have always
given me sage counsel,
388
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,137
and your words
carry great influence.
389
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,014
So, what do you
think I should do?
390
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,557
I do not think
you should run again.
391
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,100
What the hell
do you know, dum-dum?
392
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,144
All of you, look,
this is my only option.
393
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,979
I am running again
with or without you.
394
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:22,273
Leslie, you're running
for office again?
395
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,901
What a great idea!
How can I help?
396
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,282
Well, no one else brought me
any good business ideas,
397
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:32,885
so I decided to
take care of it myself.
398
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,536
Talking tissue!
399
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:38,506
Every time you pull one out, you
get a little message to hype you up.
400
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:40,875
Tom: Blow that nose, playa! No.
401
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:43,336
This stinks!
402
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,398
I'm just gonna have to go back to
my same job that I've had forever.
403
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:47,965
Yeah, I get
why you're bummed out.
404
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,091
I mean, look at me,
405
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,594
I'm younger than you, and I
already have my own department.
406
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,222
Plus, I'm married, and I
make more money than you.
407
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:55,556
Cool pep talk.
408
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,826
Are you trying to cheer me up
or just brag about your life?
409
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,851
Both.
410
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,747
Look, you got all those people
to come pitch you ideas,
411
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,564
so, clearly, you're good
at business stuff.
412
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,900
You just need to find
the right thing to do with it.
413
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,278
I mean, I never thought I would
be a deputy director, or whatever,
414
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:10,571
but here I am.
415
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:11,906
Killing it.
416
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:13,157
Outranking you.
417
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,093
Whatever. You just merged
your department with parks
418
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,178
and then made up your own title.
419
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,912
Yeah. It's awesome.
420
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:21,332
I'm empty, yo! Fill me up!
421
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,294
Do that again.
422
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:30,925
What could you possibly need
at 6:00 in the morning?
423
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,928
We couldn't read your writing, and
we need to know the sex of our baby.
424
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,347
I'm watching cartoons
with my son.
425
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,225
Daddy, an Elmer Fudd one is on.
426
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:40,851
Stop it. What's up, beautiful?
427
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,603
Jean-ralphio.
I live in the guesthouse.
428
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,565
What do you say you and I
get together in a special way?
429
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,358
I'm pregnant.
The more, the merrier.
430
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,735
With my baby.
You can come, too, beautiful.
431
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,905
Look at that, I guess sometimes
I call men "beautiful," too.
432
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,031
I guess I'm...
433
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,576
J“ ...Open-minded as hell!
434
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,703
J“ I think you're
pretty good-looking j“
435
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,013
thank you.
Can you just read that
436
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,539
and tell us what
the sex is, please?
437
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:02,957
Wow.
438
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,835
It looks like the chicken that
wrote this had a stroke on the paper.
439
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:10,715
Listen, I kind of remember, but I
don't want to say anything that's wrong.
440
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:14,802
Give me 15 minutes. I will get
dressed, we'll go down to my office.
441
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:15,970
Okay.
442
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,197
Have a good day at
work today, daddy.
443
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,889
Also, if you don't know already,
444
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,683
there's a malfunction
with the TV
445
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,519
where it keeps ordering
porno... like a ton of porno,
446
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,980
like how can someone watch
that much porno in one sitting,
447
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,249
only when you're
out of the house,
448
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:29,113
so if you see it on the
bill, that's why. Okay?
449
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:34,071
"And therefore, with your help,
we can make our future bright.
450
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:37,533
"I believe I still have
a lot to offer this city."
451
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:39,744
Ben: I'd swap those two lines.
452
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,662
Always helps to end
on the call to action.
453
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:47,293
I'm sorry if it felt like everyone
piled on. We were just being honest,
454
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,920
but if you really want to do
this, of course we'll support you.
455
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,757
Thank you.
I'm sorry I stormed out.
456
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,484
You know, I've been thinking
for weeks
457
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:57,261
of what to get you as a "last
day in city council" present.
458
00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:58,721
I finally figured it out.
459
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,932
You remember Jen barkley,
political consultant and power broker.
460
00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:04,310
Hey, Jen. What brings
you back to Pawnee?
461
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,770
Ben bought one hour of my time.
462
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:07,188
I heard you need
some consulting.
463
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,273
Well, uh, I guess.
464
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:10,834
I mean, how are you?
How's your family?
465
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,818
Okay, I get paid $1,200 an hour.
466
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,987
Do you really want to
spend any of that time
467
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,391
talking about my mother and
her 19-year-old Korean husband?
468
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,761
Well, that does sound fascinating,
but you're right. Let's talk.
469
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,203
Okay, getting a chair.
470
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,832
Ron!
471
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:28,644
That's how I enter rooms now.
It's more dramatic.
472
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,002
Why did you enter at all?
473
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,962
Because I have some huge news.
474
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:36,008
You're looking at Pawnee's
new business liaison.
475
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:37,885
I don't like French words.
476
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,304
I do like the word
"business." You may continue.
477
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:43,318
April created a new position for
herself, and I want to do the same.
478
00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:45,827
The town could use more private
sector money after the merger,
479
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:49,355
so as business liaison, I would find
companies looking to move or expand,
480
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,148
and convince them
to do it in Pawnee.
481
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,192
Now this is a good idea.
482
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,194
You've come a long way, son.
483
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,405
And while I've got you here...
484
00:19:58,072 --> 00:19:59,532
Talking tissue. Go for it.
485
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,868
Yo, dawg, life is
what you make of it!
486
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,831
Leave while I'm ahead?
You got it!
487
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,418
Clear them sinuses, playboy.
488
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,337
Someone's got the "sniffies."
Tell your mama you love her.
489
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,172
Step up your
vitamin c game, bro.
490
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,758
So they recall me after all
I've done for them! Ridiculous.
491
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:20,302
But dexhart now has another
sex scandal. Of course he does.
492
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,471
And the plan is I'm
going to run for his seat
493
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,765
because how do I lose
to a guy like that?
494
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,660
That's a great idea,
right? It's a terrible idea.
495
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:27,935
I knew it. Wait, what?
496
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,982
First of all, you could
lose to a guy like that.
497
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,273
Terrible people defeat
great people all of the time.
498
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,751
I should know, those terrible
people have paid me so much money,
499
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,255
I have a condo on
every virgin island.
500
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,780
Now, you mightwin. You're
smart, Ben is smart, you mightwin.
501
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:41,490
But why would you want to?
502
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:43,492
Because it's my dream job.
503
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:44,702
Then dream bigger.
504
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:48,164
Look, you love this town, it's
being run by monsters and morons?
505
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,790
Get a betterjob,
506
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:52,585
rise above their heads,
effect change at a higher level.
507
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,146
Don't be the kid that
graduates high school,
508
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:55,796
hangs out in
the school parking lot.
509
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,716
Be the woman who moves away,
climbs the ladder,
510
00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,092
and then confidently comes back
511
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:01,778
and has sex with
her hot old English teacher
512
00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:02,803
just for kicks.
513
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,305
Is that what you did?
514
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,807
Yeah, Mr. Baker. Sex was
pretty good, thanks to me.
515
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:09,101
Look, Pawnee has
done you a favor.
516
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:10,603
You've outgrown them.
517
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:13,272
You've got talent,
you've got name recognition,
518
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,941
which means that you have
a bright, wide-open future
519
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:17,610
with a thousand options.
520
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:22,198
State Senate, federal
jobs, even congress,
521
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,700
all of these are doable for you.
522
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,869
And you can trust me.
523
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,875
Because I don't care enough
about you to lie.
524
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:36,337
Uh-oh, time's up...
525
00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,255
Okay, if you want to
keep talking,
526
00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:39,816
you're going to have to
pay me 1,200 more dollars.
527
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:40,841
I just need...
528
00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:42,718
I swear to god,
if you say one more word,
529
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:44,303
you will legally owe me $1,200,
530
00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:45,387
and I will sue you.
531
00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:46,639
Let's not end it like that.
532
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,033
Okay, great to see you, Leslie.
533
00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,183
Those five words are on me.
534
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,602
Should I move this back?
Don't answer that.
535
00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:54,080
I don't know what
you're thinking,
536
00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:56,440
but you have a press
conference in 10 minutes.
537
00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:02,571
Make yourselves at home.
I'm gonna go get your file.
538
00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:04,990
And, please, don't steal
anylubncant
539
00:22:05,074 --> 00:22:08,744
someone is taking an extraordinary
amount of lubricant from this office.
540
00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:11,747
It's my son.
541
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,874
Never mind.
542
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,962
Well, this is it...
The final moment.
543
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,005
What are you hoping for?
544
00:22:20,548 --> 00:22:22,758
I will honestly be
happy either way.
545
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:26,804
Me, too. Boy or girl,
it doesn't matter.
546
00:22:27,221 --> 00:22:31,433
Because it will literally be the
greatest child who has ever lived.
547
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:33,936
You swear
you have no preference?
548
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:36,355
Notatau you?
549
00:22:37,648 --> 00:22:38,808
Who's ready, raise your hand?
550
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:40,484
It's a boy!
551
00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:41,819
Yes! Yes!
552
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,421
I thought you didn't
have a preference!
553
00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:45,245
I didn't. I just really
wanted it to be a boy.
554
00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:47,408
Me, too. I don't know why.
555
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:49,243
You guys are just so neat.
556
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,787
Would you be interested
in adopting my children?
557
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,956
They're in their late 20s,
they're terrible.
558
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,416
No? No go?
559
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:58,127
Huh. I ask all my patients.
560
00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:00,713
I have gathered
you all here today
561
00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:02,298
because I have an announcement,
562
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,508
a very big announcement
about my future.
563
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,014
I will be heading
to lunch today,
564
00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:12,766
with my husband, at jj's diner.
565
00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:17,563
We will eat waffles and then we will
go home and make out on our couch.
566
00:23:18,147 --> 00:23:21,317
Snuggle, watch a league of
their own, if it's on.
567
00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:23,944
That is my future, for now.
568
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:29,033
It's been an honor
to serve this town,
569
00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:33,245
and I will Cherish
the memories forever.
570
00:23:34,538 --> 00:23:35,998
Thank you.
571
00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:39,251
There you have it, a shockingly
UN-shocking press conference,
572
00:23:39,376 --> 00:23:42,963
in which a recently unemployed
woman said nothing of importance.
573
00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:47,217
I'm perd hapley and I just realized
I'm not holding my microphone.
574
00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:49,845
Jen barkley telling me
I had a future
575
00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:52,514
was the best present I
could've gotten. Thank you.
576
00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:53,599
You're welcome.
577
00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:55,184
But I did get you
one other present
578
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:56,644
to take your mind off
of all this.
579
00:23:57,144 --> 00:23:59,396
Aw, you are the sweetest
man in the world. Where is it?
580
00:23:59,647 --> 00:24:01,899
Well, it's not here.
581
00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:03,400
We have to go get it.
582
00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:17,414
Leslie: In times of stress,
or moments of transition,
583
00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:20,417
sometimes it can feel like the
whole world is closing in on you.
584
00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:25,214
When that happens, you should
close your eyes, take a deep breath,
585
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:28,300
listen to the people who love
you when they give you advice,
586
00:24:28,384 --> 00:24:30,552
and remember
what really matters.
587
00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:34,765
And if you have the ability to go
to Paris, by all means, go to Paris.
588
00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:36,684
I found one. Oh, great.
589
00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:38,727
Right here. Yeah?
590
00:24:39,561 --> 00:24:40,813
Mmm-hmm.
591
00:24:54,785 --> 00:24:58,747
Moved. I don't know what it is
I'm feeling right now... I feel...
592
00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:00,791
Destiny?
593
00:25:02,459 --> 00:25:04,628
But... I don't know
what it is, ifeelhke_.
594
00:25:05,379 --> 00:25:07,589
I just never thought I'd see
it with my own two eyes
595
00:25:07,715 --> 00:25:10,926
and here it is, it's just there.
It's right in front of me, and...
596
00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:14,263
This is what you wanted to
see? The bridge from inception?
597
00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:15,848
Yeah.
598
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,935
But the Eiffel Tower is
behind us, babe.
599
00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:24,773
Yeah, but this is the bridge
from inception. Okay. All right.
44323
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.