Original subtitles

[Upbeat jazz music]

[Guests chattering]

Thank you very very much.

And the boy said, never mind,

we'll sort it out for you! [Laughs]

[Delicate jazz music]

Cheers, cheers.

Harry!

Well, Mr. Ambassador! Hello there!

- It's good to see ya. - Yeah, sure!

Yes, you know, when the bag went over to the other side

and you sent your man round for my bag

and the two got mistaken! [Laughs]

No, no, you've got the wrong man.

What?

So once again, my darlings, thank you.

Thank you, and,

thank you.

Please, don't thank us any more, miss la strange,

we really were only doing our job.

Work that became

the greatest of pleasures, miss la strange.

And for you to invite us here

to the embassy garden party.

Well, more than kind.

[Laughs] Foolish darling.

How easily you are pleased!

My country only wanted to repay you

for rescuing one of its humble citizens from,

who knows?

Ah, but here comes its representative.

Randall, darling?

I should like you to meet the man responsible

for rescuing your poor virma from the kidnappers.

May I present,

the ambassador of the United States, Mr. Wilmot.

And this is Mr. Blunt, the famous private investigator.

How'd you do, sir?

Delighted, Mr. Blunt.

Oh yes, and this is his little assistant,

miss Robin.

Son.

Robinson.

How do you do?

Again, a pleasure.

And now you must please excuse me,

I must go to a fitting for my crown.

Crown?

For the Mary queen of Scots.

Oh, your film!

Lass of the Heather.

So sad.

And then tomorrow, I lose my head. Imagine.

Yes.

Adieu, my friends, we will meet again.

I'm sure.

Isn't she spiffy?

Yes.

We are very proud to welcome miss la strange.

As one of our newer citizens.

And we are very grateful to you both

for helping her avoid abduction.

We aim to satisfy in the shortest space of time.

Still, miss Robinson,

24 hours is quite a record.

It has impressed me sufficiently

to the extent that i'd like to present you

with another little matter that has, rubbed up.

A professional matter?

Well, it's probably nothing.

It's just that,

well, are you free tomorrow at 3:20?

Yes.

[Randall] Good, good.

Shall we come to the embassy, sir?

No!

No, I'd rather like to take a look

inside a British private investigator's office.

I'll pay you a visit.

Thank you.

Thanks.

As I was about to say,

there's nothing in it to trouble Scotland yard about.

I'm not any the worse in any way,

and it's all probably due to a simple mistake.

But all the same,

I don't see how that mistake arose.

Nothing criminal in it I dare say,

no, no, my dear never touch them,

but I'd just like to get things straightened out.

Makes me mad!

Not to be able to see the whys and wherefores.

Quite so.

Now, to recap.

You arrived by the liner nomadic a week ago.

In some way, your kit bag

and the kit bag of another gentlemen,

Mr. Ralph westerham, whose initials

are the same as yours, got mixed up.

You took Mr. Westerham's kit bag

and he took yours.

Mr. Westerham discovered the mistake immediately,

sent round the bag to the embassy and took away his own.

Quite right, miss Robinson.

Perfect.

The two bags must've been practically identical.

And with the initials rw being the same in both cases,

it's not difficult to understand

that an error might've been made.

I myself was not aware of what had happened

'til my valet informed me of the mistake,

and that Mr. Westerham, oh, he is a senator,

a man for whom I have a great admiration,

had sent round for his bag and returned mine.

Then I don't see-

oh, but you will, Mr. Blunt.

You will.

Yesterday, at our little party

and just before I joined you

and your charming miss Robinson,

I ran up against senator westerham.

I mentioned the matter to him jestingly,

and to my great surprise,

he didn't seem to know just what I was talking about.

When I explained, he denied the story absolutely.

He had not taken the bag off the ship

in mistake for his own, in fact,

he had not travelled with such an article

amongst his luggage!

What an extraordinary thing.

Mr. Blunt, it is an extraordinary thing.

There seems no rhyme or reason in it.

Why, if anyone would've wanted to steal my kit bag,

he could have done so easily enough

without resorting to all this roundabout business.

And anyway, it was not stolen,

but returned to you.

On the other hand,

if it was a mistake,

why use senator westerham's name?

It's a crazy business, my dear.

But just for curiosity,

I need to get to the bottom of it.

You say nothing was missing from your bag

when it came back into your possession?

My man says not, he would know.

What was in it?

If I may ask.

Of course you may, miss Robinson.

My bag contained boots.

Boots.

Yes. Boots.

Odd, isn't it?

Now, who came for the bag?

The other bag, I mean.

Supposed to be one of westerham's servants.

Quite an ordinary man, so I understand.

My valet saw nothing wrong with him.

Had it been unpacked at all?

Not that I know.

I presume not, but perhaps you'd like to question my valet.

[Gentle orchestral music]

[Tommy] Mr. Richards?

Just Richards, sir.

Good.

Well, shall we sit down?

Thank you, sir.

It's about this matter of a kit bag full of boots.

His excellency informed me that you'd be calling,

but I doubt if I can tell you anything new.

Mr. Wilmot was rather upset over the affair,

I know that, sir,

but I can hardly see why, since no harm was done.

Can you be sure of that, Richards?

Well, none that I know of, sir.

I certainly understood from the man

who called for the bag that it belonged

to senator westerham.

But of course, I may have been mistaken.

What kind of man was he?

Middle aged, grey hair.

Very good class, I should say.

Most respectable.

Now, I understood he was senator westerham's valet.

He just left Mr. Wilmot's bag,

took away the other.

Had it been unpacked at all?

Which one, sir?

Well, I meant the bag you brought from the boat,

but, I should like to know about the other bag as well,

Mr. Wilmot's own.

Had that been unpacked at all, do you fancy?

Well, I should say not, sir.

No, it was just as I strapped it up on the boat.

I should say the gentlemen,

whoever he was, he just opened it,

realised it wasn't his and,

shut it up again.

Nothing missing.

No small article?

Don't think so, sir.

In fact, I'm quite sure.

What about the other bag?

Had you started to unpack that?

Well, as a matter of fact, sir,

I was just opening it at the very moment

that senator westerham's man arrived.

I had just undone the straps.

Did you see inside the bag at all?

No, we just, we unfastened it together, sir,

to be sure no mistake had been made this time.

The man said it was alright.

He strapped it up.

Took it away.

[Tommy] Boots, what was it?

Pardon, sir?

[Tommy] In the bag?

Oh.

No, sir.

What then?

I didn't really notice much.

Toilet things, I fancy.

I think I saw a tin of bath salts.

And you never saw anyone tampering

with anything in your master's cabin

onboard ship, I suppose.

No, sir.

[Tommy] Nothing suspicious of any kind?

No.

Just a minute, sir.

Something's coming back to me.

Yes? What?

Well, I don't think it could have anything to do with it,

but there was a young lady.

She was taken queer just outside Mr. Wilmot's cabin.

The sea was cutting up rough

and she looked so frail.

I took her inside,

so she might recover herself.

She asked me to fetch a doctor.

So I left her there

whilst I went off to find him.

By the time I got back, she seemed almost alright again.

[Tommy] Did you discover the young lady's name?

Mhmm.

Eileen O'Hara.

Not tall,

with dark hair.

Just a little foreign looking.

You don't think, sir?

I don't know what to think, Richards.

Was this miss O'Hara travelling alone?

I believe so, sir.

And you haven't seen her since you landed?

Oh no, sir.

Very well.

That will be all for now, Richards.

Thank you.

For now, sir?

Well, I may wish to question you again.

After all,

Eileen O'Hara came back to you, didn't she?

[Tense orchestral music]

Eileen as well as O'Hara?

Oh my dear Tommy, that's too impossibly Irish for words.

And the sudden fainting won't do.

Too suspicious.

She's probably a German spy.

Like Alice Terry in "mare nostrum".

She did it for love.

They're not all bad, you know, guv.

I'm very glad to hear it, Albert.

Do you think it's too...

Too?

Not enough might be a better description.

Oh, Tommy, you're so stuffy!

It's the latest thing and I haven't a stitch to wear!

Ah, I wasn't aware we were going out tonight.

Me, not we.

Albert, pop down and stop me a taxi, will you?

Albert.

Right away, miss.

Just a minute.

What is all this about, darling?

Work, Tommy.

- Ooh! - Oh.

Work work, work.

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you.

While you were at his embassy,

he telephoned and asked us to join him

at the savoy for dinner.

Good!

My turn to do a little detection work on my own.

After all, you did take virma la strange

to the ritz twice, not to mention the green parrot.

And anyway, I thought you were off dancing.

Too tiring.

[Lively jazz music]

- Oh! - Ooh!

Oh, I beg your pardon, my dear.

You'll have to have to forgive an old man

for not being quite up to your standards!

Oh, not at all, your excellency.

You dance very well!

I thought we got past the excellency stage.

I'd like you to call me Randy.

I'd be delighted.

Why don't you call me tuppence?

Tuppence? Like in your currency?

The same.

How unusual!

But charming.

[She laughs]

Ah.

Right, well, how's about another glass of bubbly, tuppence?

Oh, thank you, that would be lovely.

♪ Pack up all my care and woe

♪ here I go, singing low

well, it's certainly an enlightening environment,

your green parrot!

I'm indebted to you for introducing me to it, tuppence.

I'm only sorry that your friends

were unable to come on with us.

Yes,

that was a shame, wasn't it?

Still, I was determined.

It's important for an ambassador

to be aware of just how British society enjoys itself.

I'm just sorry Mr. Blunt

couldn't make it tonight.

So was he.

He'll be so glad to learn that you like it here.

It's fun, isn't it?

Uh-huh.

Mr. Blunt absolutely insisted that I brought you.

Of course, we're here all the time.

But, surely you have places like this in Washington?

Washington may well have places like this,

but in common with the rest of america,

it also has prohibition.

Oh, of course.

Hardly suitable for a diplomat

to be seen in a speakeasy.

Oh, hardly!

Ah.

Anyway, Edith, that's Mrs. Wilmot,

she shouldn't drink.

Oh?

It overstimulates her libido.

She's the second Mrs. Wilmot, you understand?

I see.

She's in america at present?

Uh-huh.

Visiting her mother in Maine.

Oh, really?

Isn't that the place that's rather like england?

Well, the climate can be similar. [Laughs]

Tell me,

did Mrs. Wilmot leave this country

after your return from the United States?

No, no, we crossed together,

spent two weeks in Washington

then she went on to Maine

and I returned here alone.

Are you gonna continue

with this interrogation, tuppence?

You won't allow me to pull the wool over your eyes.

But I really must be allowed to do a little work

if I'm to justify being here.

As far as I'm concerned, my dear,

you don't need any justification.

Fire away.

Thank you.

Were involved with anyone on board?

A woman, for instance?

Tuppence!

[He tuts]

Oh, your excellency, Randy, I mean,

what I meant was, I mean, well, anyone suspicious.

Trying to get to know you, that sort of thing.

No one in particular.

There were a few rather high-spirited kids as I recall.

Yes, every night in the ballroom,

they would cause some sort of exhibition.

Drinking heavily?

Yes, but more than that.

They seemed to be desperate somehow.

As if they were living a separate experience.

One night they learnt who I was, I fancy,

they surrounded my table and just wouldn't leave.

I dined in my cabin after that.

And that was all?

That's all I can remember.

What about Eileen O'Hara?

Did Richards tell you about her?

Funny thing.

You know, she'd almost slipped my memory.

But I don't see how she could have anything to do with it.

Fact of the matter is, I only met her by chance.

Apparently, she'd collapsed outside the cabin.

Richards had shown her in, then gone for a doctor.

I'd forgotten my cigar case and returned to collect it

to find a young woman, sitting in my cabin.

Richards then appeared with the doctor,

but she said she felt better and didn't need him.

Richards then helped her to her cabin.

Well, that was the last I saw of her.

How did you learn her name?

I always make a point of ascertaining

the name of any person with whom I have contact.

You don't think she was just,

pretending to be sick, do you?

It has been known.

But I think Mr. Blunt will want to speak

to your Richards again.

- [Glasses clattering] - Of course.

Oh, time to go, your excellency.

Sebastian?

Oh, poor kid, you know, I hate to see that.

If that's what drink can do to a young woman

then perhaps our prohibition laws are correct.

I think she's taken a little more than alcohol on board.

[Upbeat jazz music]

[Horn blaring]

Give it back!

Now, come on!

[Tense orchestral music]

Now come on, give it back!

[Big Ben ringing]

Oh, George, me compact!

[Startling orchestral music]

[She screams]

[Distant splashing]

[Tuppence] Poor Randall!

I'm sure he'll be very upset.

What about poor Richards?

Can't you spare any sympathy for him, darling?

Oh, yes, of course!

I mean, he threw away his life

and that's a tragedy of unhappiness and waste.

Must've felt pretty guilty about something, though.

Police seem satisfied

that the balance of his mind was disturbed.

Precisely!

It's with what it was disturbed and by whom

that we have to find out.

Oh? And how would you propose we go about it, Watson?

Ah!

You're Watson, i'm Holmes in this instance.

And how is that?

Because I already happen to know

the identity of whom.

And whom-

I mean who is it?

Can't you guess?

Possibly, but i'd hate to be wrong.

[Tuppence] No you wouldn't be, darling.

I mean, how could you be?

Tuppence, stop being so mysterious.

If think you know who caused Richards' death,

kindly tell me.

Not think, darling.

I'm certain.

It was you.

Oh, thank you very much.

Sorry, old thing.

Price of our professional prodding.

You obviously lit the blue touch paper

and it wasn't a very short fuse.

Stop talking like a cheap detective story.

Richards told me nothing

that he hadn't already told the ambassador,

and the only new information that he volunteered,

volunteered, was about that girl.

Eileen O'Hara.

And do you not think

that she might never have remembered her,

had the ambassador not come back for his cigar case

and found them together?

And that sooner or later,

the ambassador himself would also remember her

and mention her to us?

She's the one, Tommy.

Find her and you'll find the reason

behind the kit bag switch.

And poor Richards' suicide.

Very good, Watson.

Very good.

Watson?

I'm so awfully pleased

to have my own hypothesis confirmed.

Any information respecting miss Eileen o'...

Hara, known to have travelled from New York

to southampton onboard the nomadic

on its last crossing, contact blunt...

Detective agency immediately.

28 haleham street.

I placed it yesterday, after leaving the embassy.

I'm lunching at poppy St. alban's.

She's invited the gals.

We may go shopping afterwards, I may be late.

Gosh! What a bore for you.

I'm sorry?

Well, having to sit there

whilst those girls rake over

those hoary old chestnuts about war time experiences

in the vad.

It may be a bore for you, Tommy,

but it isn't for me.

We're rather proud of the contribution

we made to the voluntary aid detachment.

-Oh, I say- -and it's rather nice,

occasionally, to spend time in the company

of one that appreciates us.

Enjoy your sandwiches, Tommy darling.

But tuppence, I didn't really mean to-

[door slamming]

Oh, drat!

[Moody orchestral music]

[Richards] Eileen O'Hara.

Not tall,

with dark hair.

Just a little foreign looking.

[Children laughing]

I can't go on anymore, Albert.

I've got a whole afternoon's typing to do,

I'm worn out!

Alright, tilly, it'll do for today!

I feel my shadowing technique's improved no end.

Here, how many times did you notice me following ya?

Four, no five times, I think.

You think?

Five times.

Really, Albert, this is supposed to be my lunch break.

Anyway, how many times did you show yourself?

Well, I was always visible.

Just blending in the background.

Pictures tonight.

Not that cowboy film again?

I thought you enjoyed it!

Not much.

Not even the first time.

Well, I consider it a major step forward

in the art of motion picture form.

Those posters will be glad to see you agree with them.

Anyway, how else am I gonna pick up tips on lassoing?

I don't know!

There's not many cattle in bethnal green

to practise on, even if you could!

I already can!

Just wanna be the best, that's all.

How little you understand

the need for different skills in my profession.

[Bell ringing]

Crikey! Two o'clock!

- What? - See ya.

Lion's cornerhouse, outside, quarter past six.

Why so early?

So we can see it round twice!

Oh! [Sighs]

[Tense orchestral music]

[Woman] Mr. Blunt?

Yes.

I didn't hear you come in.

Evidently.

A difficult case last night.

You know how these things, catch up on one.

Won't you take a seat?

Thank you.

Now then, tell me how you think

I may be able to help you.

I saw your advertisement in today's paper.

I was on board the nomadic

during the crossing that you mentioned.

So this is the office of Mr. Busybody blunt.

Hands up or I shoot!

This lady will come with me, please.

Yes, you will, my dear.

You have never seen me before, but that doesn't matter.

I can't have my plans ruined

by a silly little chick like you!

I seem to remember seeing you on board the nomadic.

You must have been peering into things

that didn't concern you.

But I have no intentions of letting you blab

any secrets to Mr. Blunt here!

A very clever gentlemen, Mr. Blunt,

with his fancy advertisements.

[She gasps]

But as it happens,

I keep an eye on the advertisement columns.

That's how I got wise to his little game.

You interest me exceedingly.

Won't you go on?

Cheek won't help you, Mr. Blunt.

From now on, you are a marked man.

Give up this investigation, we leave you alone.

Otherwise, god help you.

Death comes swiftly to those who thwart our plans.

No!

I've got him!

[Gunshot ringing]

I've got him, sir!

I've lassoed him!

I've been practising with me lasso in me spare time, sir.

Could you give me a hand? He's very violent.

You damned idiot, Albert!

Why didn't you go for the police?

This fool's play of yours

near as anything plugged me through the head!

It was a jolly lucky escape.

Lassoed him in the Nick of time, I did.

Oh, if tilly could only see me now.

It's wonderful what those chaps can do

on the prairies, sir!

Yes, well we're not on the prairies, Albert,

we happen to be in a highly civilised city!

Now, then,

my dear sir,

what are we going to do with you?

[He shouts in Spanish]

Hush!

I don't understand a word of what you're saying.

But I suspect is not the kind of language

to use in front of a lady.

You will excuse him, please, won't you miss...

Oh, do you know, in the heat of this little upset,

I've completely forgotten your name.

March.

I beg you pardon?

Cicely march.

Oh, I see.

What are you going to do with him?

I could fetch a Bobby now, sir?

No.

No, I shall let him go this time.

Nevertheless, I shall give myself the pleasure

of kicking him down the stairs,

if only to teach him manners to a lady.

Now, my dear sir, out you go!

Come on down. [Grunts]

- [Thudding] - [Man yelping]

Are you... did he...

Did you hurt him?

Well, I hope so, but,

probably less than he made out. [Clears his throat]

Shall we go back into my office, miss-

- oh! - March,

and resume our conversation?

I don't think we shall be interrupted again.

I had me lasso ready, sir, just in case.

Put it away, Albert.

Now, miss march.

Oh.

I don't quite know where to begin.

As that dreadful man said,

I was a passenger on the nomadic.

The lady you advertised about, miss O'Hara?

She was also on board.

Exactly.

Now, that we know already,

but I suspect you know

something of her doings on board ship,

otherwise that picturesque gentleman

would not have been in such a hurry to intervene.

I will tell you everything that I know!

[Tommy] Good.

The American ambassador was on board.

One day, I was passing his cabin

and I happened to glance through the window.

And I saw this woman inside.

She was doing something,

so extraordinary that I stopped to watch.

She had a man's boot in her hand,

and with a little pair of scissors,

she was slitting the lining.

Then she appeared to push something inside,

well, just at that moment,

the ambassador returned

and she immediately dropped back

onto the couch and pretended to faint.

Then a doctor appeared, followed by another man

and I passed on.

I said pretended to faint

because when I first caught sight of her,

she was obviously feeling nothing of the kind!

Go on.

I rather hate to tell you the next part.

I was curious,

and also I'd been reading very silly books.

I wondered if she'd put a bomb,

or a poison needle or something like that

into Mr. Wilmot's boot.

Well, I know it sounds absurd, but I did think so.

Anyway, when I next passed the empty cabin, I slipped in

and had a look at the boot.

I drew out from the lining

a piece of paper.

Just as I had it in my hand,

I heard the steward returning

so I hurried out so as not to be caught.

The folded paper was still in my hand.

When I got back to my own cabin, I examined it.

Mr. Blunt, it was nothing

but some verses from the Bible!

Verses from the Bible?

Well, at least I thought so at the time,

I couldn't understand it, I thought

perhaps it was the work of a religious maniac.

Anyway, I didn't think it'd worth my while replacing it.

So I kept it.

And I thought nothing about it, until yesterday.

[Tommy] Yesterday?

I used it to make a paper boat

for my little nephew to sail in his bath.

As the paper got wet,

I saw a queer kind of design coming out all over it.

The water had brought out a hidden message.

It was a kind of tracing.

And looked like the mouth of a harbour?

Anyway, it was immediately after that

that I read your advertisement.

Oh, but this is most important.

Yes, I see it all now.

Now, that tracing was probably the plan

of some important harbour defences.

It had been stolen by this woman.

She was afraid that someone was on her track,

and not daring to keep it amongst her own possessions,

contrived this hiding place.

Later, when she obtained possession

of the bag in which the boot was packed,

she discovered the paper had vanished.

Miss march, have you brought this paper with you?

Oh, no, it's at my place of business.

I run a beauty parlour just off bond street.

I'm really the agent for cyclamen preparations

in New York, that is why I've just been over there.

I thought the paper might be important

so I locked it away in the safe before coming out.

Ought not Scotland yard to know about this?

- Yes indeed. - Well, shall we go there now?

Get the paper and take a straight round to Scotland yard?

I'm afraid I'm very busy this afternoon.

The bishop of London has asked me to call him on a case,

a curious problem, concerning some vestments

and two curates.

In that case, I will go alone.

But as I was about to say, miss march,

the bishop must wait.

I will just leave a few words with Albert.

I am very much afraid

that until that paper is safely deposited

in the hands of Scotland yard,

you are in very active danger.

Do you think so?

I'm afraid I'm certain of it.

Oh, dear.

Shall we go?

[Tense orchestral music]

Are you a good Walker, miss march?

Yes.

Why?

Ought not we to get that taxi?

It would be quicker.

Perhaps you did not notice.

That taxi driver has just refused a fare

lower down the street.

Your enemies are on the lookout,

he was waiting for us.

I think if you feel equal to it,

it might be better if we walked to bond street.

They'll not be able to attempt much in crowded streets.

Oh.

Very well.

[Gentle orchestral music]

It's no good your protesting, tuppence.

It's the unvarnished truth.

Your life is full and mine's empty!

Oh, nonsense, poppy.

Look at your home, so much to keep white.

And there's pongo to look after.

I hear that he may be promoted

following the next cabinet shuffle.

Oh do you, estelle? How clever of you.

I hear nothing.

He's hardly home at all, and when he is,

he falls asleep over his food.

Straight into his savoury last night.

Manners was furious when she came to clear.

Chap works hard, he's entitled to snooze when he wants to.

Mind you, catch me nodding off

into one of estelle's little concoctions.

Never hear the last of it, what?

No, you wouldn't.

The trouble is I'm so bored!

Oh, and I know it's ungrateful of me

when I have all this.

And one reads about the poorer classes

who have absolutely nothing.

They have one another, poppy, dear.

That's very true, my dear. Very, very true.

The curse of our class, loneliness.

Superior intelligence, you see.

Can't be lonely if you don't have a brain.

It's the war I miss.

[Tuppence] Oh, poppy, really!

Oh, no, not the fighting and those poor boys,

but the danger, and the excitement!

You can hardly take up nursing again

just to stifle boredom.

Surely there wasn't much danger

in driving generals from the war office to the savoy, dear.

Only to the pedestrians and other drivers! [Chortles]

That's most unfair,

I was an extremely skillful driver, it was remarked upon.

Just because you got stuck on heavy goods.

Actually I did not!

You did,

- it's the truth, remember. - Oh now, girls, please,

please let's not argue, hmm?

We all did our bit for the vad.

And I think I know what poppy means.

It's the companionship she misses.

The feeling of all being in it together

against a common enemy.

Yes, that's it.

I must admit I've missed it too sometimes.

Even having dear Tommy?

Yes, estelle, even having dear Tommy,

I think he's felt the same.

Poor sweet.

Been rather sharp with him lately, can't think why.

Not easy, thrown together all the time.

In your work, I mean.

No, no I don't think it's that, exactly.

It's just that...

Now, girls, just a minute! [Laughs]

Message for Mrs. Beresford,

youth said it was urgent.

Albert was here?

Didn't catch the name, madam.

Asked me if I'd seen the cowboy film at the ritz.

Albert.

Said he had to get back to the office

but that note was a matter of life and death.

Oh! Really?

Oh, what is it, tuppence?

[Estelle] Something wrong, dear?

Yes, I'm rather afraid there is.

Tommy's life may be in danger.

Oh!

I'll call the police, manners, the telephone.

No, no time.

I'm afraid I'll have to go right away.

Got a motor, poppy?

Well, of course!

But it's all loaded up with jumble

for the poor of Kensington.

And I told Wilkins I wouldn't need him again this afternoon.

Nor will you.

We're all drivers here.

Come on, St. alban's,

you said your life lacked excitement,

well now you're slap up against it!

Plus a chance to help out a chum's better half.

You mean?

Yes, dear.

We are coming with you!

Alright.

Come on!

[They all chatter excitedly]

[Tense orchestral music]

I've got my glasses, I'll be alright, I think!

Okay, where am I?

Hold on, girls! Hold on!

Do you think it's safe to leave yet, Mr. Blunt?

I haven't noticed anyone suspicious

since we ducked in here.

And that was 10 minutes ago?

Nearer 15, I think.

Good.

Then I think we may safely assume

that we've shaken them off.

Shall we risk it?

Thank you.

[Dramatic orchestral music]

Now, if you'll be kind enough to take a seat,

we'll see if Rodrigo can fit you in.

I do not have the time to wait, now, please now.

Has anyone strange been in?

No, madame, no stranger than usual.

There was a sudden rush of custom,

but we had some cancellations

so we were able to accommodate most of it.

Rodrigo is able to manage?

Oh yes, madam.

Splendid, I'm taking this gentleman

through to my office.

Perhaps you would inform me if anybody unusual

attempts to enter the premises?

Good idea, name's blunt, by the way,

just in case anyone comes asking.

Though, I doubt that they will in here.

I have made a note, monsieur.

I'm afraid, Mr. Blunt, we have to go

through the treatment room to get to my office.

[Startling orchestral music]

Quite a contrast in decorative styles

you have here, miss march.

Oh, yes.

But then one could hardly expect women

who wish to be one thing, but in reality are another,

to entrust themselves to an establishment

that looked like this throughout.

Could one?

Isn't that's what your profession is all about, miss march?

Hiding the truth?

I mean, cosmetic deception.

You know, I should be fascinated

to learn what it is that attracts a young woman

into such a falsifying type of work.

Why, money, Mr. Blunt.

[Tense orchestral music]

A great deal of money.

Far too much to be made sacrifice

to the haphazard investigations of a dilettante,

English private investigator.

And you, miss march, are not English, I take it?

Though, perhaps you would prefer to answer to O'Hara?

Although we're not convinced that you're Irish either.

We?

Oh, forgive me.

I am not convinced.

My wife is quite certain.

Eileen O'Hara, too impossibly Irish for words,

is how she put it.

She seems to have more perception

than you, Mr. Blunt.

Well, in matters concerning women,

she just cannot be deceived.

She taught me how to tell a peroxide blonde

from a natural one.

Golden hair has to be the genuine article

to take me in.

So I didn't deceive you after all.

I'm afraid there will be no office boy

to help you this time, Mr. Blunt.

Is the Van in the rear?

Good.

Cotton wool has far more uses

than for just removing face cream.

Yes, chloroform, Mr. Blunt.

You won't feel a thing once you lose consciousness,

and you'll be past feeling anything at all

by the time you slip into the river.

Rodriguez, would do you like to administer it?

[Door rattling]

[Receptionist] You can't come in here, madam!

I insist you wait outside!

[Dramatic orchestral music]

- Grab him! - Oh!

Where is he?

- Tommy! - Hold him down.

Are you alright?

Yes, fine, old bean. Here.

Administer this to our foreign friend, would you?

Hold your breath, girls.

Hello, Tommy dear!

Hello, estelle.

[Gwen] Oh, well done poppy.

- In the Nick of time. - Tuppence!

I thought we'd shut up shop for the day.

[Albert] Come on, inspector, this is the place!

Life or death, you know, sexton playhouse,

but they're all sold out down there!

[Door knocking loudly]

Very glad to get hold of that gentleman.

He's wanted badly.

Well done, sir.

[Laughs] Hardly recognised you

in that get up, miss tuppence.

[They laugh]

Oh, I'm rather glad, inspector.

Not here by chance, I guess?

Certainly not!

Each move carefully coordinated as ever.

Team work is everything,

don't you agree, inspector?

- Most certainly. - Yes.

And we couldn't have done it without the help of the girls.

Ah! Well, it was just like the war.

[Inspector] The war?

Vad, we were all in it together.

Used to drive ambulances, that sort of thing.

Only the uniforms were different.

Yes, I've been meaning to ask you about those.

Poppy's jumble!

Though what the poor of Kensington

are going to do with Paris gowns, I'm not quite sure.

Well, I thought it might cheer them up.

Take their minds off things.

Anyway, they weren't really me.

Nor is that mud pack, dear.

Mine's set like the rock of Gibraltar.

Time you washed it off, then.

Tuppence, dear, should you need us

we'll be outside.

Come along girls.

- It's been such fun. - Cheerio.

- Well done, girls. - Goodbye! Thank you.

- Splendid job. - Thank you so much.

If there's nothing further, sir, ma'am,

I'll return to the office.

Several matters arose in your absence,

which require my preliminary attention.

Good day, inspector.

That young chap's got his head screwed on the right way.

Acted promptly once he got your wife's telephone call.

Told me he'd had the place under surveillance

for quite a while.

Mind you, we never had cause to suspect it.

Thought it was a genuine beauty shop.

Which it is.

Oh, I'm sure it is.

But what else beside?

You see inspector, this is where

one has to be so very careful.

Things that look one way, are often the other.

I asked myself,

why should anyone want the ambassador's bag

for an hour or so?

I put the question the other way round

and seemed to find my answer.

Supposing it was the other bag

that was the important one.

Someone wanted that bag to be in the ambassador's possession

for an hour or so.

Much more illuminating.

Quite.

Diplomatic luggage.

Not subjected to the indignities of customs examinations.

Clearly a case of smuggling.

The safe, tuppence.

Richards let something slip

when I interviewed him, miss march.

Who?

Oh, come now.

Richards.

The ambassador's valet.

The man you and your organisation were blackmailing.

The man you drove to suicide.

It's a curious thing, you know,

that when people are desperate,

on the brink like Richards,

they find it very hard not to tell the truth,

no matter how much they try not to.

Richards was specific about one thing

that he'd seen in the second bag, miss march.

That one thing stuck up here.

Tuppence, let's see if I'm right.

Bath salts, eh?

Just as poor Richards said.

Well of course they're bath salts,

it's one of our best selling lines.

Uncut diamonds?

Could be.

Let's find out.

Oh!

Genuine bath crystal, eh?

Nothing more deadly than carbonate of soda.

I told you they were genuine!

Indeed you did, and so they are.

But is bath salts all that is in the tin?

Tuppence.

[She tuts]

Here, miss.

Thank you, inspector.

Talcum, miss march?

[Tense orchestral music]

I think not.

Cocaine, is it, sir?

Good lord!

There must be 50 tins in there!

We knew there was a distributing area

somewhere near here, handy to the west end

and all the bright young things.

But we haven't been able to find a clue.

Often easier working undercover, inspector.

I'm sure Mr. Blunt would like to explain

how we worked it out.

Clearly a case of smuggling.

Oh yes, but, smuggling of what?

A curious comedy is enacted in my office.

They'd read my advertisement

and wanted to put me off the scent.

Or, failing that, out of the way altogether.

So I played the part of the credulous sleuth

with all my might.

Swallowed this charming lady's impossible story,

and permitted myself to be lured here.

Leaving behind with Albert specific instructions

for dealing with the situation.

You see?

Perfect coordination.

Well, many congratulations.

This is another fine coup you two have made.

I don't know how to thank you enough.

Oh, please don't, inspector.

Just put it down to one more triumph for teamwork.

To teamwork!

[Cheerful jazz music]