Original subtitles

- Oh, that was a great movie. - Oh, yeah.

- Hey, come on, guys. One more time. - Okay.

Oh, now, that is what l call entertainment.

That had to be one of the best movies ever made

about hockey-playing aardvarks.

lt's too bad Justin wasn't here.

He would have loved Russo Family Fun Night.

You know, l never thought l'd admit this,

but l'm actually jealous of Justin right now.

What? l thought you loved Family Fun Night.

l used to, but l'm 1 4 now.

l think l'm getting a little too old for talking-animal movies.

Oh, l get it. lt's a confusing time.

On one hand, you're not a little girl anymore,

and yet at the same time, you're not yet a woman, so...

Awkward.

Theresa?

l think what your father is trying to say is that no matter how old you get, honey,

you're never too old to spend time with your family.

Exactly. Just look at your mother.

Did you just call Mom old?

What? No.

What just happened?

Who wants to sing another song?

l'm not getting involved.

Jerry, may l have a word with you in the kitchen?

Yes.

Hey, l'm home. Did you guys miss me?

- Not really. - What?

l don't know if you guys heard, but l was out all night

with a bunch of my new friends from school.

l know. You told us like ten times before you left.

Yeah, they're from an upper-level math class.

Kind of an older crowd, so we totally lost track of time.

Sorry l'm late.

You're not late.

This is exactly when you said you'd be home.

ls it?

Well, l didn't keep track of time, because l don't have to.

lt seems to me like someone's a little jealous

that l'm old enough for some freedom.

Oh, please. l'm not jealous of you.

You told Dad you were jealous.

No, l didn't.

But you told Mom and Dad you were jealous of--

Okay, thank you, Max.

Look, l could care less about this nerd herd

you're running around with these days.

Face it, Alex, you're mad because l'm more mature than you.

Mature?

You're the only one in this family who still takes a bath.

You try floating an aircraft carrier in the shower.

For an experiment.

One of the most important skills for a young wizard to master

is the art of spell improvisation or ''make them ups.''

Now, this is the ability to create a brand-new spell off the top of one's head

in the moment of urgent need.

For example, Max, what do you urgently need right now?

Bagpipes.

l wasn't listening.

Alex, let's give it a try.

Now, let's say you haven't eaten for days

and you're in desperate need of a sandwich.

What do you do?

l walk over to our sandwich shop and have Mom make me a sandwich.

Okay, yes. But Mom's not here.

Where's Mom?

lt's not important where she is.

She's gone. She left the country.

She left the country? Why? ls she okay?

Yes, she's fine.

Well, if she's fine, l don't see why she couldn't make me a sandwich.

All right.

Here, l've already written one down for you.

Just read that and concentrate.

''Satisfy my empty belly Make me a peanut butter and jelly''

You see what l just did there?

l just illustrated the dangers of spell improv.

You have to choose your words carefully, because in the wizard world,

they take you literally.

So when Max said, ''Make me a peanut butter and jelly,''

they made him a peanut butter and jelly.

Oh, l get it. Let me try.

Although l like such tasty snacks l'd rather have my brother Max

Hello.

Hey, thanks for not eating me.

Alex, you're a natural.

Thanks. That wasn't even true.

Dad, you think you could wrap this up? l'm kind of in a hurry.

Oh, really? That's not like you, Justin.

You usually like to really marinate in the magic.

l know, but my math friends are stopping by the Sub Station.

For some stimulating conversation about multiplying factorial equations.

How do you know about factorial equations?

l don't know. Oh, my goodness, you're contagious.

Guys.

That's them? Where are all the math geeks?

Alex, we prefer the term arithmetic buffs.

Now, if you'll excuse me, l have some very important things to talk to them about.

Things you wouldn't understand.

And the big ball of yarn says, ''String theory.''

l'm sorry. l couldn't help noticing,

but did you just laugh at something Justin Russo said?

Yeah, l did. l always laugh at what Justin says.

He's hilarious.

Really?

And would you describe yourself as a very boring person?

No.

l was voted ''least boring'' in the school yearbook for three years in a row.

Wouldn't that be ''most exciting''?

Oh, no, that's Shawn Cunningham. He's very exciting.

Hey, you're kind of funny. l'll vote for you next year.

- Excuse me. Hi, l'm Alex. - l'm Susan.

Tell me you're talking about something incredibly lame right now.

Actually, we were just making plans

to see Nights of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2,

You mean the new Ruby Donahue movie?

Yeah. lt's the first horror movie she's ever done.

l love Ruby Donahue.

Me too. She's a role model of mine.

l plan to follow exactly in her footsteps.

l'm gonna grow up on a ranch in Montana,

start my own charity for something sad,

and then create my own price-conscious beret line.

Have you heard her new CD of sensitive but mildly angry rock songs?

- And she's like-- - No--

Okay, Alex.

My friends and l have some very important things to discuss over here.

Hey, Susan.

Have you ever really considered the concept of infinity? You know?

- l was just thinking about that-- - l can lend you the Ruby Donahue CD.

Thanks. Justin, l really like your sister.

l like you too. And that other ''least boring'' guy.

- Oh, Zach Rosenblatt. - Yeah, Zach.

We should all hang out and call each other the Zach Pack.

Hey, Alex, why don't we hang out over here?

Why? l'm talking to Susan.

You're never gonna be a member of the Zach Pack.

Don't act like that's a real thing. l just made that up.

You're my sister. You're not supposed to be getting along with my friends.

l know, but l like them. They're way more normal than l expected.

l'm as confused by all this as you are.

Just stay away from us, okay? l mean it.

- Come on, Justin. You ready to go? - Yeah.

Oh, hey, Mom. My friends and l are going out for a while.

None of us have legally enforceable curfews anymore,

so it's anyone's guess when we'll be back.

Because l don't have to keep track of time.

You'll be back before 10.

l do like to watch the local news. They have a new weather girl.

Oh, she's--

Awkward.

There he goes. They grow up so fast.

Oh, honey. Are you all right?

Yeah. He'll be off at technical school before we know it.

And Alex will be on leave from the Air Force.

What?

lt's just the discipline you need. Please just read the pamphlets.

Oh, Maxy. Come here.

Give your mama a hug.

Promise me you'll never grow up and leave me.

But l'm supposed to be taking out the garbage.

Oh, no. You're our little baby.

Your daddy will take out the garbage.

Me?

Fine.

- Thank you, Daddy. - Oh, save it.

Oh, Susan. Hi.

Did you hear about that new Ruby Donahue beret store

that opened in Brooklyn?

Yeah, me and Zach were just talking about it.

Yeah, they have a ''gear for guys'' section.

Because l was thinking about going there later.

Actually, l was thinking about doing anything,

because l don't have any plans.

What about you? What are you guys up to?

Well, a bunch of us are going to see

Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2.

Do you wanna come with?

Who? Me? Really? No, l couldn't.

Oh, that's too bad.

All right, l'll be there.

Hey, guys. How about the math homework?

Talk about your exponential decay, am l right?

What are you doing here?

Nothing. l was just on my way to class

when l bumped into our friends Susan and Zach.

Our friends?

Alex is gonna come to the movie with us. lsn't that great news?

Yeah.

That's great news. That's a totally unexpected surprise.

We'll see you both tonight.

Hey, do they make those berets in guys?

Don't we have some really nice friends?

Okay, what were you thinking? Those are my friends.

lt's an R-rated movie.

- You're not old enough to get in. - Neither are you.

You don't worry about what l do or don't do at the movies.

What's that, a fake lD?

Maybe.

- Don't give-- - No.

lt's just a piece of construction paper and a clipping of that weather girl l like.

You went in my room without asking.

Look, Justin, why do you care if l go to the movie?

You're my sister. You're not supposed to get along with my friends.

l know it makes you uncomfortable, but it's out of my hands.

We don't choose our friends.

Yes, we do.

And for some reason, you've chosen my friends.

Well, maybe they've chosen me.

l'm sorry, but l'm going to that movie tonight.

Wasn't that a fun haircut?

You looked so handsome sitting on that fire-engine chair.

Help me.

- No, - No,

Hey, remember when you used to give Max piggyback rides up the stairs?

That was like 50 pounds ago.

Get on my back.

Oh, Dad, Mom.

Alex is trying to hang out with me and my friends

even though they're 1 7 years old.

Seventeen-year-olds? Alex, you're 1 4.

Listen, you'll have plenty of time to hang out with 1 7-year-olds

when you get into an advanced math class like your brother.

But l'll never get into Advanced Math.

l know that, honey.

That's why you're going into the Air Force.

Okay, l'm late for a movie.

This is so not fair.

Listen, if you really wanna do something tonight,

why don't you embrace your fleeting childhood

and take Max out for pizza and Skee-Ball?

l'm not gonna take Max out to a bunch of dumb kid places.

l'm way too old--

You know what?

Pizza and Skee-Ball it is. Let's go, little brother.

You're not taking me out for pizza and Skee-Ball, are you?

No, l am not.

What are we doing here?

l'm gonna get into a movie with Justin's friends,

and you're gonna go see lcevarks again.

Yeah, but l already saw lcevarks.

Well, go crash that birthday party.

l'll bet they're giving away the paddle with the ball attached.

l do like those.

Hey, guys. Wait up. l made it.

Oh, Alex. You're just in time. Come on.

Well, hold on, youngster.

Oh, it's okay. l'm with them.

Are you old enough to see this movie?

Oh, you flatter me.

Here.

You realize this says you're 47 years old, right?

And it's made out of construction paper.

Can't you just look the other way?

No. That would go against the usher code.

Would a jacket that fits go against the usher code too?

- Yes. - l'm sorry, Alex.

lf it makes you feel any better, l'll take notes

and give them to you afterwards like l do for Justin.

Like you do for Justin?

Yeah.

New high score. That's what l am talking about.

Alex?

What are you doing? You're not in the movie?

No. l'm not old enough.

And l don't plan on breaking the law now.

Part of being a mature adult is knowing when to follow the rules.

Well, part of being me is ignoring the rules

and doing whatever l want.

l'm sensing you have a devious and poorly thought-out plan

to get into this Ruby Donahue movie.

- l'm gonna ask you to leave me out of it. - Gladly.

l'm old enough to hang with

Actress-model-spokeswoman, Ruby Donahue

So get me into Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2

Where am l?

You're at the Zeta Theta Beta sorority house, silly.

Home to the prettiest and most popular girls on campus.

ls that Ruby Donahue over there?

No, silly. That's Bambi, the sensitive one.

Just stay in character and scream when it's your turn.

Oh, my goodness, l'm in the movie,

You're just in time.

We're about to have a super-fun Halloween pillow fight in our pajamas.

Aren't you a little old to be in a sorority?

Aren't you a little young?

Fair enough.

What's the matter? lt's just the phone.

Why did the music get all scary?

Hey, what are you guys doing? The movie's not even over yet.

Justin, that movie is way too scary.

There's some things in this life that you can never un-see.

Well, where's Alex? She said she was gonna catch up with you guys.

She never did.

But weirdly enough, there's an actress in the movie that looks just like her.

- Really? - Yeah.

She even sounded kind of like her.

And she was wearing the exact same outfit as her.

Weird, right?

Yeah, weird.

What did you get on that deductive reasoning test?

A 99.

Even weirder.

Would you guys excuse me for just one moment?

Alex Russo has messed up And put herself in a movie

Put me also in that movie

That didn't even sound like a spell.

Okay, what rhymes with movie?

Boovie, juvie, loovie. Plant.

Plant.

This is gonna take a while.

Hey, you're Ruby Donahue.

- Who are you? - l'm Alex.

Are you the evil sorority sister who's come back from the grave to punish us

for our cute but reckless destruction of perfectly good pillows?

What? No.

l'm just a kid. l don't even know what l'm doing in this scary movie.

Me neither. This was all my agent's idea.

Oh, there's that music again. Where is it coming from?

This is the part where l run screaming into the steam-filled showers,

which have been left running for no reason at all, so...

Oh, okay. Well, it was nice meeting you.

You too.

No, screaming and running towards the masked villain

is probably the worst way to stay away from the masked villain.

Right.

,,,ln a groovy movie

A little 1970s, but it worked.

Justin. What are you doing here?

What's it look like l'm doing? l'm saving the day.

Oh, who are they?

My hero.

Oh, no, Jerry. Hugs and Mrs, is sold out.

lt's supposed to be Hugh Grant's most romantic role to date.

Dear?

That's bunk,

That's bunk,

That's bunk.

- Jerry. - Yes.

You know, honey, l was thinking, we should see lcevarks again.

l'm telling you, there's something weird going on

in Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2,

l know. l've seen that film 16 times.

And then all of a sudden, there are these new characters in it.

Maybe it's a director's cut.

Those characters of Alex and Justin have such chemistry.

lt's like they grew up together.

Oh, miss?

Two tickets for that disaster party bingo Halloween thing, yeah.

Justin, stand up.

Forget about me, Alex. Save yourself.

Seriously, Justin. Just stand up.

Okay.

- Oh, Justin, do something. - Why me?

- Because you're the older brother. - What am l supposed to do?

- lmprovise something. - Right, okay.

we've had enough of all this fear So hurry up and get us out of here

- What happened? - We're in a basement.

Yeah.

ln the basement of the sorority house in the movie.

Dad wasn't kidding.

When you improv a spell, you gotta say exactly what you mean.

He's still coming. Hurry!

Don't yell at me. l'm trying to think.

l'm scared of what might happen next So take us to the Mondoplex

Are we back?

Yeah. lt's the theater lobby. l think we're safe.

Sorry l got you into this. Literally.

lt's all right. lt was kind of fun being in a sorority-girl movie.

Yeah, well, it wasn't what l expected at all.

Well, maybe you were just trying to grow up too fast.

l guess l was.

Sorry, and thanks for helping me out.

l won't hang out with your friends anymore.

You won't tell anyone l screamed like a girl?

l probably will, but that's what little sisters do.

Oh, no, Justin. Look.

She's coming right for us.

Split up.

They can't get both of us. Go.

- lt's just us. - Psych.

Silly.